


Volume Two: Scopo e Fortuna

by the_never_was



Series: Athena [2]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Action, Adventure & Romance, Alien Sex, Angst, Canon/Non-Canon events, F/M, Gen, Humor, Mild AU with Vakarian family, Other, Turian physiology/culture, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-01-05 05:30:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 64
Words: 234,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12183822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_never_was/pseuds/the_never_was
Summary: Shepard struggles to come to terms with her own death all while throwing herself into the relationship of her dreams and avoiding plasma beams from big fucking civilization-ending alien bugs.(She hates bugs, goddamn it.)





	1. Take It Back (Prologue)

**Author's Note:**

> Volume One: http://archiveofourown.org/works/12079053/chapters/27367935  
> Welcome to Volume Two.  
> We're looking at events of ME2 as well as some extra stuff.  
> It's gonna be big.
> 
> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

Garrus entered Anderson’s office in his old C-Sec uniform. Waiting for Spectre training was still going to be another couple of weeks, and he had signed back with C-Sec not long after the _Normandy_ had departed. To be honest, he didn’t know what else to do with himself to pass the time. He was so damn anxious for the ship to dock that he was fantasizing about what he should do when he saw Shepard again.

Should he just yank her off her feet in one of those hug things? Would she understand him nuzzling her, or would that be too fast? Such thoughts ruled his waking moments and even his dreams as he envisioned more intimate possibilities then. All he knew for sure was that he missed her, and he wasn't letting her go this time without establishing a few very important things—them being official with one another at the top of the list.

Anderson was standing in front of his desk, looking off to the side of the office where Garrus couldn’t see. Garrus immediately took in the tense position of the human Councilor and smelled the fear in the air.

“You wanted to see me?” Garrus asked, catching Anderson’s attention.

“Yes. Come in, Garrus.”

Garrus nodded as the door shut behind him. Having been in and out of the Councilor’s office for the past two months for updates, he had gotten used to the little greeting rituals between them. It bothered him that there was no awaiting quip about the other Councilors or this official or Executor Pallin. “What is it, Anderson?”

The human simply beckoned him closer. Garrus felt a rise of panic begin in his gut as he obeyed, getting close enough that he could see what Anderson was staring at in the other small area of the office.

“Joker?” Garrus gasped, shocked to see the pilot sitting on a couch.

Joker didn’t raise his head up, keeping it down instead with his hands between his legs. “Hey, Garrus.”

His voice wasn’t right. The worry in Garrus doubled, causing him to swallow and take a step forward. “What’s going on?” he asked, eyes darting between the two humans while his turian brain raced with reasons why Joker could be here.

“I’m so sorry, Garrus,” the pilot choked out and jerked forward, a harsh sound erupting from him.

Garrus panicked as his thoughts went FTL. “No,” he said, not wanting to hear what he knew was coming.

Anderson stepped toward him and pressed a strong hand on his shoulder. “The _Normandy_ is gone, Garrus.”

“WHAT?” he shouted, spinning fast and angrily. “How, how is it that a ship is just _gone_ and the pilot is sitting right here?”

Joker finally raised his head up so Garrus could see streaks down his face. “We were attacked by some strange ship I’ve never seen before. Everyone had to get to the escape pods.”

Garrus felt a bit of hope stir in him. “Well, then if everyone’s okay, why are you two...?” He paused and took a deep breath. “Everyone _is_ okay, right?”

“All but twenty crew members made it out. Chief Williams and Doctor Chakwas are safe,” Anderson replied. “Tali'Zorah was found with one of the pods. They'd not met with the Flotilla yet to return her as planned. Liara T'Soni was in a similar circumstance before she got back to Thessia, and she was found with Williams and Chakwas.”

“Shepard,” Garrus whispered, his voice hoarse. “Where is she?” Joker gave a sharp cry and turned away, hiding his face. It confirmed the darkest fear in Garrus. He took another step forward, his voice rising into a very hoarse shout that tore his throat up. “WHERE IS SHE?”

“She got spaced, Garrus. It’s all my fault!”

Garrus leaned forward and grabbed Joker by his collar, yanking the poor pilot to his wobbly feet. “What did you DO?” he roared in anger, ready to kill the human in his grip.

“I thought I could save the ship and wouldn’t get in an escape pod. She had to come back for me. She got me in one of the pods, but she had to hit the release manually and didn’t make it inside before the ship got attacked again. It spaced her. _I fucking watched it_ , Garrus!” Joker screamed, tears running down his face.

Anderson intervened by forcing Garrus’s arm to relax and let Joker go. The pilot stumbled back onto the couch, a sob escaping him as Garrus sank to his knees; it felt like the floor had given way beneath him, that the stability he had searched for, found and made into his own had been stripped away without any warning.

 _Shepard. No, Athena. No._ _NO._

Garrus shook hard as his hands hit the floor, keeping him from smashing his face as he felt his balance continue to leave him.

Garrus’s mind was in overdrive as wave after wave of thought hit him: _She’s gone. Spaced. I can never see her again. I can never tell her.... Spirits, why did I wait? Why did she have to die? Why? No, no, no. This can't be happening. This isn't real. I didn't lose her._

A pair of turian feet came into his line of view, causing Garrus to tilt his head and look up to find Chellick standing nearby. “Anderson wanted you to find out this way, Garrus. I’m...sorry I couldn’t tell you sooner. I found out when someone in my department was asked to process the pilot through here as an escort. I volunteered.”

“You knew? You fucking knew.”

Chellick nodded, his own vocals very tight as he tried to not show some pain in himself at the loss of Shepard. “It happened three days ago. Vakarian...Garrus, I am...so sorry.”

“Joker wanted to be here,” Anderson amended.

“Three days. She’s been dead for three days, and I didn't know.”

Garrus slammed his fists into the floor, feeling a fierce pain building its way up to his throat. The room was quiet for a moment before Garrus took a breath and screamed her first name.

His breath came quick as he felt the cries tear from him, the horrible keening noise bouncing around Anderson’s office. Anderson himself bent on his knees next to Garrus and placed a hand on his back, patting him. Garrus looked up into the old captain’s face and saw the pain the human was containing. Garrus felt more of the burning ache in his throat and keened several more times, unable to speak his grief any other way. He hadn't keened this hard in his entire fucking life, and it felt horrible. Chellick’s subharmonics were supportive and pained behind him.

The other turian made no comments at what he was seeing, at what the two humans weren’t understanding—a fellow turian grieving with the love of a something well beyond friendship.

Joker was still sniffing quietly next to them.

“Garrus, I’ve got a matter to discuss with you in private now.” Anderson’s words had Chellick quickly leaving with a supportive head tilt and cultural gesture, some soft spoken words as a goodbye. Joker took a bit longer, gathering himself together before giving Garrus another sad apology and shuffling out.

Garrus took Joker’s place on the couch, needing support as he shakily asked, “Can't it wait, damn it? What is it?”

“I wish it could. I don't want to throw more at you, but. Before Shepard left, she had me set up a transfer process in case anything should happen to her in the field. She’s left her credits to you for your uses in pursuing Spectre status, among other needs,” Anderson said, moving to sit behind his desk.

Garrus didn’t know what to say, so Anderson continued. “I’ve already taken care of it as of this morning. I didn’t want you to report an error in your account.”

“What?” Garrus asked, a bit dazed from the information.

“She’s left you _all_ of her money, Garrus. That’s several hundred million credits worth that she acquired through various means during your time hunting Saren,” Anderson explained.

Garrus sat in shock. How could he even think of going into Spectre training now, which she wanted him to do, when she was dead? DEAD.

“Take it back,” he said roughly.

“I can’t. It’s legally done.”

“I _don’t want_ it,” Garrus argued, feeling very sick to his stomach.

Anderson sighed. “If you aren’t sure about Spectre affairs right now, don’t refuse the gift she left you. I’m sure you’ll think of something.”

It took a while, but Garrus finally agreed to keep the money in his account. He had no idea what to do with it as they all prepared for the funeral.

 


	2. Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

_She smiled at him, her green eyes lighting up. “You swear you didn’t cheat?”_

_“I swear,” he heard himself say, his voice teasing._

_“Garrus,” she called, playfully shoving his shoulder. “You’re a tease.”_

_“No, you are.”_

_“Me?” Shepard asked with a scoff._

_He nodded, dropping the blurry cards down in front of him. “Yeah. You’ve teased me for a long time now.”_

_“How so?”_

_“Made me feel inspired. Made me feel respected, like someone finally listened to what I had to say without just shoving me behind more restrictions and red tape,” he started, his eyes fixing on her face, trying to keep the image. “And then you teased my emotions. My respect and admiration for you changed into something more that plagued me for months while hunting Saren. But I figured them out, thanks to Chellick’s meddling and Kaidan forcing the issue out in the open. I should have just told you long ago.”_

_She smiled again, the curves at the corner of her mouth uplifting slightly. “And they are?”_

_“I want you. I need you. I care about you. You’re not just my best friend. You’re everything. Spirits, you’re everything.” He swallowed hard. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone. Not even a turian.”_

_Shepard moved around the fuzzy table in front of him to sit on his lap. Happily surprised, Garrus trilled. “I feel the same things.”_

_“You do?”_

_“Yes.”_

_Garrus gripped her small body to him, pressing his face against hers. “I want to be with you.”_

_“You are.”_

_“You know what I mean, Athena. We know this is going to end—that I’m going to wake up any moment now,” he said, the sadness echoing._

_She tilted her face, her fingers brushing his facial plates. “I will always be here.”_

_“But I need you, Athena. I fucking need you. Please. Spirits, please. I don’t want to wake up.”_

_“Shh. It’ll be okay, Garrus.”_

_He shook hard. “No, it won’t! I’m going to wake up alone, knowing you’re dead and want to die all over again.”_

_“Just be patient,” she whispered, her human lips pressed to his left mandible._

_“I can’t. I can’t wait for the Reapers or my life to end to find you.”_

_“Be patient. I miss you.”_

_“No, Athena. I won’t.” He shook his head to emphasize the refusal, and then panicked as he felt her solid body shiver and become weightless, invisible._

_“Be....”_

 

_\--------------------------_

 

“No!” Garrus came awake with the shout, eyes wide and hands clenching the sheets. He shook as he sat forward, letting his head fall forward and his hands release the bedding to hold his face. He panted in some desperate attempt to slow his insane heart rate and cool himself off, but it was no use.

The keening sounds erupted from him again and again as her face haunted him behind his closed eyes. Lacking the same physiological emotional response as humans to produce tears from grief, Garrus did what he could—he cried as a turian through sound. His subharmonics raged in pain and grief, his other vocals attesting to the deep sense of loss he felt: loss of place, loss of time...loss of her. Echoes of them traveled throughout his family home, past his current bedroom.

It wasn’t long before he could hear the soft steps of his mother approaching. She hadn’t been feeling well lately, and the symptoms had started to keep her up at odd hours of the evening. Garrus continued to cry, though he quieted the sounds as best he could to avoid waking his father and Solana; Atreyus didn’t understand his son’s grief over the fallen Commander Shepard well, and Solana had to be up early that morning for an appointment with someone in the Hierarchy.

A soft little rap came at his door. “Garrus?” he heard his mother ask after him, her subharmonics sympathetic.

He swallowed the next cry and tried to focus. “Yeah?”

“May I enter?”

“Of course, Mom.”

Garrus’s eyes traveled over to the door to see his mother come inside. She wore looser clothing for a female because of her recent bout of illness. In the lighting from Manae outside his window, he could see her light tan facial plating and the blue stain of his family markings on her cheeks. She softly approached the bed, sitting close by him on its right side by the window. Garrus hung his head, feeling her reach out and stroke her talons over his cheek and lightly grip his mandible. “Garrus. You still hurt this much. It’s been six months.”

“It feels like yesterday.”

Alaire sighed. “I know, my child.” She adjusted a little to rub her mandibles against his. “You can grieve, son.”

A whimpering noise came from him at her gentle tone and reassuring subharmonics. Garrus continued to shake and leaned into his mother’s shoulder. “I should have been there.”

“Then you would have had to be forced from the ship along with the rest. Guilt would have eaten you alive after that, Garrus. My son, you ache for your Commander because you also ache for your friend. I know that.” Alaire cooed through her subharmonics, trying to keep him calm. “Losing friends and those we grow close to is very difficult.”

“She’s...gone. But I dream of her every night.” Garrus swallowed shakily, blue eyes coming up to look at her reassuring face. “I miss her, Mom. Spirits, it’s bad.”

His mother’s careful dark orange eyes observed him. “I’m not your father. You know how different we are about these things, Garrus. If there is something you need to talk about, do so. I will not judge, nor will I tell Atreyus.”

Garrus stared at her, considering her offer. “You mean it?”

“Yes, son.” She didn’t change her expression from the sincere one.

He sighed at that. “I cared about her. A lot. She became my best friend.”

“That is obvious. She earned much of your respect, perhaps more than anyone ever has. I am glad you knew one another.”

“Mom....” Garrus looked away toward the window, out at Menae.

They sat in silence for a few moments before his mother spoke again. “Did she know?” Alaire asked quietly.

“Some. We were going to have a conversation when she returned on shore leave, and it was probably going to determine whether our...friendship grew more or not. She said she wanted to tell me things...but....”

Alaire leaned forward and grabbed the front of his mandibles to make him look at her. “I am sure she knew. You are too obvious to your mother, my son.”

“And an alien to her.”

“You said she knew a turian before who taught her things. Surely you didn’t think her dense on top of that,” Alaire retorted, letting him go. “And I am glad someone cared for you as much as she must have, friendship or otherwise.”

“No, she was never dense,” he murmured, thinking of their human kisses, something he was _not_ comfortable sharing with his mother, especially now. “It just...it was all unspoken, mostly.” Garrus sat up straighter in bed, his eyes catching his mother’s. “You don’t care?”

Alaire hummed, the vibrations soothing him like they had when he was a child. “That you had feelings for a human? No. You will find the one you are supposed to find, Garrus. That has always been my belief.”

“Apparently I found her too late. Or I just was stupid and wasted it,” he growled, balling his talons into his palms. “I just want to see her. I want her here, and even if Dad would find out I actually care about her romantically and disown me, I wouldn't care. I _can't do this_ anymore.”

His mother couldn’t really reply to his angry words, so she placed a reassuring hand over his nearest fist. “I ache for your pain, Garrus. I am...sorry, as I’ve said. Try to find compromise with your father. He means well, but he is how he is. You know he doesn’t understand and never will, this grief—any of it. But he is worried for you.”

“I know.”

“Has Solana heard you at night?”

“No.” Garrus looked up. “You have before?”

“Many nights since you’ve come home, son.” At that, his mother released a soft keen of her own. “I feel pain at not being able to remove the source of your grief that you hide away.”

“Sorry,” he said, his voice rough. “I didn’t mean to add to your sleeplessness.”

“Do not fret.” Alaire sighed a little and then leaned forward to touch her crown to his. “Sleep, Garrus.”

He shook his head. “If I can, I’ll just dream of her again.”

“Would you rather be asleep, dreaming with her, even if you know it will end when you wake, or would you desire to never sleep again?”

Garrus looked down at his hands for a long moment. “I’ll rest,” he finally said.

“Good. I’ll make sure Atreyus doesn’t wake you early in the morning. I hope you have good dreams with her, my son.” Alaire rubbed their mandibles again before rising to leave.

“Thanks, Mom...for understanding.”

Alaire merely nodded, her subharmonics full of loving support.

Garrus waited until she had left and the door had closed behind her before pulling his omni-tool up, as he had for nearly every night since Shepard had left on the _Normandy_. He watched both holos of them again, his body humming at hearing her voice once more and his spirit breaking simultaneously. Afterward, he moved to let some fresh air into the room via the window by setting it to open slightly. Garrus settled back in bed and closed his eyes, barely stopping the next keen from erupting as the smell hit him. He had horrid timing, coming home not long after her funeral, only to be with his family during the long blossoming period of the very flower that shared a scent eerily similar to Shepard’s, maybe connected somehow to the turian she'd known in childhood. Still, the scent was a comfort that he took gulps of as he inhaled and forced himself to drift once more.

 

\--------------------------

 

_She sat with him in his apartment on the Citadel. Garrus reached forward to touch her cheek, feeling the softness of it._

_“What’s it like?” he asked quietly._

_“Hard to explain. Removed, really. But I miss you.”_

_He gave an ironic laugh. “You’re telling me.”_

_Her smaller fingers came up to wrap around his hand. Shepard tugged his arm around her shoulders and pulled back into his chest on the couch. “Garrus?”  
_ __  
“Yeah, Athena?”

_“Don’t do anything stupid. I don’t want you trying to meet me here.”_

_Garrus sighed. “Can’t promise anything.”_

_“But you said you’d help prep the galaxy with me. People are going to need you.”_

_“Yeah well, they sure as fuck needed you, too. I needed you. I still need you.” He shifted a little, bringing one arm across her small waist. “You broke your promise first, Athena.”_

_“Did I, big guy?”_

_“Yeah. You died. You weren’t safe. You didn’t come back.” He tried not to sound angry._

_She angled her face back to look at him. “Garrus. That’s not fair.”_

_“I’m not feeling very fair.”_

_Instantly her body vanished from his grasp. The scenery shifted back to Anderson’s office, back to the memory of when he first heard. Garrus could see her standing near his crumpled form as he keened loudly in front of Joker, Anderson, and Chellick, his talons raking over his face in misery. She was heartbroken, staring down at him._

_It hadn’t mattered to him that before she had died she had amended her living will, dictating to Anderson to transfer her numerous credits to Garrus’s accounts because she knew he’d need to continue on if anything crazy had happened to her. What mattered more was the next scene, just before he took his post next to the empty casket, when the blonde human had approached him._

_Now, in his dream, Garrus felt Shepard next to him, watching alongside as her mother engaged him.The tired older human woman sighed sadly as she stared at him._

_“You must be Garrus,” Hannah Shepard said._

_They watched his other form shift nervously. “Yes.”_

_Hannah extended her hand. “I’m Athena’s mother. She told me lots about you.”_

_“Good things, I hope,” he said, eyes darting._

_“Many good things. She cared a great deal about you.”_

_Garrus saw himself swallowing hard to keep the grief from strangling him right then. “I cared a lot for her, too. She was my best friend. That’s why this...this pisses me off. It was so sudden, so unfair.”_

_“I know,” Hannah said, shifting her hand to his shoulder. “Believe me, I do. But if I know my daughter, and there is a human afterlife, she’s around you. All of your team. But especially you.”_

_They turned in the dream to see Wrex, Ashley, Tali and Liara all dressed, standing together off to the side looking absolutely miserable. Next to him, Garrus felt the sadness ebb from Shepard._

_“They miss you, too,” he said._

_“I know.”_

 


	3. Cousins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

A couple of weeks later, Garrus stood outside the home, near the flower patch just to have a tie to her.

It scared the shit out of him that he was struggling so much. He had really liked her, yeah, and he knew even Chellick thought more had been there, but...he just couldn't fathom why he felt like nothing would ever be right again. Mandibles tight in anger, Garrus picked up a loose rock and flung it off the rolling hill behind the house, watching as it bounced and fell another direction. Before he knew it he was throwing another, then a third, and was shouting while he was doing it.

A sudden hand on his shoulder had him spinning, arm raised for a punch and blue eyes still wild in grief and anger. “Woah! Garrus!”

He stilled then, swallowing shakily as he recognized his cousin holding his shoulder. Erinus Vakarian was practically Garrus's doppelganger—they looked so much alike that as younglings they often called one another “brother” instead of cousin. Both had the pale plating and Vakarian blue eyes, but Garrus was just a smidge taller. Erinus had been his best friend for so long until life took them in different directions.

“Eri...I'm sorry,” Garrus shuddered and bowed his head a little in shame.

“Hey, it's...it's okay. Your dad called Mom, said you were seriously struggling. Thought maybe I could help get you motivated,” Erinus recounted as he took in how ragged Garrus looked; for turians it was more in signs of slouching posture, a regularly bent face, plating that needed buffed and hadn't been cared for, extremely low subharmonics and such things. Garrus was all of them. “Spirits, Garrus. Talk to me.”

Garrus shrugged and walked away, sniffing near the flowers to ground himself again. His legs bent and he sat there on the ground by the bed of them. Erinus joined him, arms around his bony turian knees.

“You were pretty close, huh. Your crew on that ship.”

“Yeah.”

“Get to be friends?” Erinus asked at his side.

Garrus nodded, staring at the ground and feeling wind briefly graze his face. “Yeah. Got to befriend a couple humans, a krogan, a younger quarian, and an asari. It was...great, Erinus. Despite arguments now and then, we had each others' backs.”

“I'm really glad, Garrus. That's great.” And Garrus believed him; Erinus's vocals were genuinely supportive. “You did so much, from what I hear. Great accomplishments. Can get any career you want, really. The family is very proud of you, you know.”

“I hear. I wish they'd believe everything that happened. Council cover up has made me so angry, Eri.”

Erinus nodded in sympathy, gazing out the direction Garrus was. “True. I believe you, Garrus. You've never lied to me in our entire lives.”

“Nope.”

“Most of the crew...make it out?” his cousin tentatively asked. Garrus could almost smell the worry and shame Erinus was trying to hide, because while Erinus was supporting him, he was also there so he could tell the family Garrus was fine, all that. If there was one thing Erinus was not, it was duplicitous, and Garrus knew it.

So he sat straighter, back to the side of the home. “Are you gonna tell them everything I tell you?”

Erinus flushed and rocked a little with his legs. “Um. No. Just worried. They're wondering if you need professional help, to be honest, like you're just having serious shell-shock over everything belatedly. I just want to know if you're remotely okay.”

“Okay. Well.” Garrus sighed, the sound heavy and dragging. “Most made it out. I think maybe twenty or so didn't. By that point the krogan and myself were off the ship for our reasons, though I'd wanted to stay; figured I'd go back for Spectre training and partner with...with her after, so I left. My quarian and asari friends stayed so they could get rides where they needed to go, but mostly probably because they hadn't wanted to leave her side, either. I've never seen someone inspire so much loyalty by being themselves.”

“Impressive.”

“But they made it out. They...were at the funeral thing.” The sun angled over head, casting them in grateful shadow from its hot heat as the breeze picked up more. “I'm glad they're okay, of course. Just wish....”

“That she'd have made it, too. I get you,” Erinus softly said in the quiet wind. “Got really close, huh.”

“Eri, she was my best friend. I never expected that to happen.”

“I'm sorry, Garrus.”

Garrus grunted and stared that the white petals of the flowers at his feet. “This shouldn't have happened. It's...fucked up. She was onto something massive, something seriously important, and I don't trust anyone but her to see it through. And she was my friend, this...this amazing person. She didn't deserve....”

“Tell me about her.”

There it was, the soft invitation just like his mother had given him. His cousin wasn't stupid. Garrus smirked a little. “Talk to Mom?”

“Nope,” Erinus answered honestly. “I just see she mattered a lot.”

“You been around a human before, Eri?”

“Once, I think, when I was leaving the Citadel a few years go. I mean, I saw a lot of them, but one spoke to me then. Some male waiting on a ship. Seemed friendly. Older, I think.”

“They're way more diverse than we think. Look different, have all kinds of cultures, and can be far more sympathetic than we gave them credit for in the war.” Garrus smiled a little to himself. “She taught me a lot—restraint, but good restraint. To trust myself, my instincts, but to also consider all options. Step back and look around me before going all hot-headed. Cute of her to try, but she did help me with it some.”

“Yeah, it's ingrained at you this point,” Erinus chuckled and shifted to stretch his long legs out. “She sounds like she was very smart.”

“Eri, I've never seen a human handle turians so well. It's like she was born with this gift. Shepard commanded this respect, and I willingly gave it to her. She never asked for it, she just naturally had this...thing. And you knew if you gave her respect, she'd give it back, no question.” Memories of her firmly talking to him as he'd first come on the ship, a bit terrified at the reality of being the only turian on board, hit him. “But she was also supportive, strong. Never let anyone give me shit. Made me laugh a lot, got me curious to learn about her people.”

Erinus tilted his face. “Wish I could have met her. Lots of our people are still...in shock about the Citadel thing. The fact that she...made her people help save us instead of letting them die trying to flee, it got attention. A lot.”

“I was there when she gave the order. I had reminded her in that moment that there was no guarantee if it were reversed that aliens, turians in particular, would have done the same for she and her people. But she'd just stuck by her decision and relayed it firmly to our pilot, who then broadcast it out into Alliance that had gathered from our intel.”

His cousin's mandibles fluttered in thought. “Shit. That's...she had a strong spirit, sounds like.”

Garrus snorted, eyes on the sky. “Oh yeah, and an even bigger justice streak. A lot funnier than people realized, too. We had all kinds of inside jokes. She called me 'big guy' all the time since she always had to look up at me; impressive package for that small human, though. If you knew her, you didn't discredit her for her size. She was a hell of a sniper and superior.”

“Nice.” Erinus moved until he was sitting so he could look straight at Garrus. “You miss her a lot, don't you, cousin?”

“More than you could...understand. She changed my life, Eri. Made it better. I never...felt like I got to make it up to her,” Garrus admitted quietly to the other male, blue eyes tired. “Can't remember now if I thanked her, or how much.”

“Hey, I'm sure she knew.”

“Probably.”

Erinus looked a bit concerned suddenly as he coughed. “Look, Garrus, I was wondering if you wanted to go with me this weekend. I'm meeting up with the female I really like, and she offered to bring a friend if you wanted to go see a vid with us.”

“Thanks but no thanks, Eri,” Garrus replied immediately. Automatically.

“You need out of here for a while, Garrus. C'mon. And Cerelia's got some great friends. They're nice and fun to hang with. She's kinda shy, so you can imagine they're not overly crazy or anything,” Erinus tried again in his worry.

It touched Garrus, it really did, but it just didn't feel...good. “I appreciate it, Erinus, but I, um. I'm fine.”

“Garrus, I don't know if you are. Your parents are really worried about you.” His cousin reached out with supportive subharmonics. “Please, Garrus. I just want to help. I've never seen you like this.”

Garrus bowed his face. He hated causing the family so much stress over him. Yet another reason to get the fuck off Palaven soon. “Won't deal with it much longer.”

“Meaning?”

“I'm probably leaving soon.”

“And going where?” Erinus subtly demanded.

“Not sure yet. Gotta get away from here. I can't breathe.” Garrus closed his eyes tightly, seeing her again. “Nothing feels like home. Nothing feels as it should. I can't pretend the attack didn't happen.”

“No one is asking you to pretend, cousin.”

“The Council has lied about it enough. Why won't they lie more and shut me up?”

“I mean the family, Garrus. They're worried about all this grief eating you alive!”

“So what if it does?” Garrus snapped, irate as he looked up with anger coursing through him. “I'm _sick_ of being judged for it. I fucking feel how I feel, and I can't change that. Don't you think I'm _trying_ to understand it?”

Erinus almost recoiled from the venom in his vocals. “Of course you do. I'm not invalidating that.”

“Then let me get through it.”

“ _Will_ you?” Erinus bluntly asked, eyes boldly holding his. “Can you get through this? Garrus you don't even seem like yourself anymore. You've always bounced back from things.”

 _“I lost her!”_ he shouted, unable to hold it back anymore. The keen burned his throat, so he let it out and dug his talons into the ground. “I fucking lost her! She's gone, and I have to wake up every day and deal with it, know it, pretend it doesn't hurt.”

“Garrus, I can't imagine what losing such a close friend was like. I'm sorry,” Erinus offered, trying to soothe him. “No one's telling you not to grieve. It's just been a few months now, and they're worried since it's still pretty intense.”

Garrus laughed darkly, talons digging in the dirt harder. “Wanna know why I won't go with you this weekend? Meet some female?”

“Why?” Erinus asked, eyes as cautious as his voice.

“Guess, Eri. It's obvious, isn't it?” Garrus's chest heaved with a breath he wished would drown him. “I didn't just lose my best friend.”

Erinus suddenly sat straight up, full attention focused on him. “Garrus?”

“I, um.”

“You... and she were...pretty close, then?” his cousin asked, trying to find a way to make it easier for Garrus.

Garrus slowly nodded, eyes closing once more. “Yeah. Never...never respected someone that much before.”

“Garrus, you know you can tell me anything, right?” Erinus scooted closer, making Garrus look to him. “I won't tell the family. I just want you to open up. Feel better.”

He stared at his cousin for several seconds, debating, and the trust he felt won out. Blue eyes shifted to the flowers. “I wanted her.”

“I...see.”

“Not only that, Eri, she wanted me. If she'd gotten back from what she'd been doing, we were gonna....” Garrus trailed off with a swallow. “Talk. See where it went.”

Erinus smiled softly, encouraging him rather than looking disgusted at the admission. “Really liked Shepard, huh. I'm kind of impressed someone non-turian got you so riled up. Or that _you_ got her attention, too. Damn, cousin.”

“I don't know how it started. First time I saw her, she was so fierce. Bold. Strong. A great commanding officer. I'd read about her before, been intrigued like the rest of us. Meeting her was something on another level. Like befriending some powerful force of nature.” Garrus smiled to himself, seeing her face again as she argued with Pallin to keep him with her. “She protected me, even killed for me. Encouraged me to be proud of who I was and grow. No one has ever...ever seen me, really seen me, that way but her. Everything our people hate, everything they say makes me a bad turian she felt the opposite about. She liked that I questioned things, had a brain of my own. A rebel streak.”

Erinus nodded, subvocals asking him to continue. “So...what changed it?”

“You mean, how'd I go from being her friend to some weird thing?”

“I wouldn't say it that way, cousin.”

Garrus smirked and let go of the dirt under his hands, shaking them off. “An old coworker of mine bared his throat to her once. That's all it took. Set me off, got me furious, and I didn't understand why. He threw it in my face of course. Told me to challenge him if I ever got my fringe out my ass.”

“Shit, what a show off. She know what it meant?” Erinus relaxed, but looked highly interested.

“Nope. But she _did_ pick up on him flirting with her, and she _didn't_ turn it away. Found out later she grew up with a turian for a dad in some crazy situation. Always liked our people, our culture. When she got old enough, she found she... _really_ liked our people.” Her blushing face as she admitted it to him in the mess after that Dr. Saleon crap just made him feel so good to remember. “So it got me thinking. Add in some tight missions, our friendship, and personal space getting shoved together, and there you go—one bizarre emotional entanglement I never saw coming.”

“I really am sorry for your loss,” Erinus reassured him gently. “You shouldn't be mourning that in this...forced secret thing. It's making it worse. No wonder it's been so hard, Garrus. You can't even grieve openly how you need.”

“Do _you_ wanna be the one to tell Dad?”

“Spirits, fuck that.”

Garrus smirked, laughing and feeling somewhat better. “See.”

They sat in companionable silence for several minutes, Erinus watching as Garrus relaxed even further after being able to open up truthfully. “I won't pressure you to meet Cerelia's friend, Garrus. I get it. I wouldn't want that pressure either.”

“Thank you.”

“But you should still come out with us. Have a good time. Won't kill you.”

“Could,” Garrus snickered. “I'm a real grouch these days.”

“Then shake it loose, cousin. Would she want you hidden away like this?”

“No. Of course not. But that doesn't make the grief disappear.” Garrus sighed and scratched his mandible. “I miss her, Eri. I miss playing Skyllian Five with her and cheating sometimes just to piss her off and make her scowl at me.”

“Wish I could have met her, Garrus,” Erinus said, a small smile supporting him.

Garrus grunted and shoved himself back off the ground to his feet, taking Erinus's hand to help steady. “Eri, if she hadn't...died, if we'd talked and things went somewhere...would you have supported us?”

Erinus stared him down a second intensely before bumping his shoulder to Garrus's. “Really gotta ask that?”

“Just wanted to know in all seriousness.”

“Then, yes, Garrus. I would have, no question. You're family.”

Garrus's subharmonics quietly thanked him as they walked back around the house, his thoughts drifting to could-have-beens and Shepard's smile.

 


	4. Set In Motion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

The next day was a rough one. Atreyus had decided that it was time Garrus got his shit together and returned to C-Sec, even though Garrus had already explicitly stated upon his arrival home that he wouldn’t be going back.

“Garrus, I know you were close to your old commander, but this is bordering craziness. You have to move on,” his father argued, stance frustrated. “That crew, that ship, it's all gone.”

“I told you I’m done with C-Sec. I’m done with Spectres. I’m just done, Dad.” Garrus moved to go outside, needing to be away from the tension, but Atreyus grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him around.

His father’s mandibles slackened. “I know you think me cold for pushing you like this, but damn it, Son, you’ve got to get a grip. You need a focus, something to do. You may not think I give a crap about you, but I do. That’s why I push.”

Garrus stilled. “I know, Dad.”

“Then find a focus, damn it. If not C-Sec, then get back in with the military here. Try for Blackwatch. Your sister can help with that.”

“I don’t need her help. I’ll figure something out,” Garrus growled and jerked away. He moved quickly past his concerned mother and out the door, relieved to be outside. From behind him he could hear their voices rising as his mother chastised his father for once again pushing Garrus too far in a vulnerable time.

Garrus sighed and walked out to the back of the small property area where the bed of the blossoms grew. He bent down, inhaling the scent, and plucked one from the ground. Its shimmery, surprisingly stiff petals shined up at him under the sun’s gaze. Garrus looked around briefly before pressing the flower between his hands and opening a pocket in his shirt; he stuffed the flower inside it, next to where he kept the sketch that Shepard had given him of herself.

After a short walk, during which he was trying to outlast his father who no doubt was waiting for him, he returned to his home. His parents were no longer in the front area. Garrus took advantage of the moment and entered his bedroom without being noticed. He moved to sit on the bed, taking the flower and drawing out to view. The tips of his talons traced the drawing of her face; once again he had been thankful for his mother finding a spray solution that kept the material of Shepard’s medium from smearing or smudging in the protective sleeve he'd stuck it in.

Garrus then gave a brief look to his door before bending and pulling a box out from under the bed. He opened it up and took out his Mantis, grazing his talons down its released body. He eyed the gun before sitting it down next to the flower and sketch. Garrus reached back into the box and removed what had been left of Shepard’s belongings that she had accidentally left in his apartment on the Citadel. He had found them kicked under the bed by chance after the _Normandy_ had departed: a small white shirt that had her personal scent, a small bottle of perfume, and a scrap of paper she had managed to sneak in and doodle on while he had slept in the last morning. It showed an unfinished sketch of him stretched out on the couch.

In his privacy Garrus picked the shirt up, holding it to his face to catch that scent and then just to feel the cloth touch his plating. He knew it was damn near crazy behavior, but...it helped. It helped more than anything.

After a moment of silence, he finally put the belongings back in the Mantis’s container, along with the flower he had plucked. Garrus glanced down at her self-portrait as he picked the Mantis back up, finding he missed the feel of it in his hands.

“You are Athena,” he said, holding it up to view it easier. “A tactician on the battlefield, a goddess of wisdom. And your namesake will always guide my aim.”

Then, with a very heavy heart, he sat down and began typing out a message he knew would never be seen by the one he was sending it to.

 

\---------------------------------

 

_“I know you. You’re going to go all hotheaded and run off with an idea,” she said. Her voice was that of her Commander’s tone, but she was smiling all the same._

_Garrus nodded sheepishly. “Yeah. Figured I’d do some of that good we talked about. I know just the place to go where I can focus and have no red tape. And if I die in the process, well. That won’t matter.”_

_“Intentionally putting yourself in harm’s way in the hopes of seeing me again isn’t your best plan or your most stylish, big guy,” she teased._

_He shrugged. “Beats moping, which I hate. If I can get rid of some more criminals from this galaxy, and do it how I think is right, well. That’s something other than thinking constantly, something to distract myself from this grief I still feel.”_

_“I’ll still be here,” she whispered, leaning close. “Anytime you need me.”_

_“Don’t go yet. I don’t want to wake yet. I’m not ready.”_

_Back in his apartment, where most of his dreams of her happened, she moved to sit by him on his old bed. “All right, Garrus.”_

_“I want to make you proud, Shepard. I do. But I won’t lie. Part of me hopes that I’ll just go out with a...bang, you know? I can’t do what you can. No one was a leader like you. No one makes people believe in them like you did the_ Normandy _crew.” Garrus swallowed. “I’ll need you to watch my back, Athena.”_

_“I will, big guy.”_

_“Were we really going to talk about...all of those unspoken things, Shepard?”_

_She smiled. “Yeah. I don’t know what would have come from it, but we would have.”_

_“Would I have modeled for you?”_

_“After that conversation? Probably.” She laughed. “Not sure the sketches would have been worth anything, though. I’d probably be too distracted and nervous.”_

_“Yeah,” he laughed with her. “And maybe...have given up to do other things.”_

_“Maybe.” She put her hand over his and squeezed his fingers. “Just be patient, Garrus. Don’t keep the death wish you have.”_

_“I don’t know.”_

_“So eager.”_

_“Yeah, well I don’t know what the hell else to do. The galaxy feels empty without you in it,” he mumbled. He turned and pressed his forehead to hers. “Athena.”_

_“Garrus?”_  
  
_“Stay with me. I know it kills me to wake up, but...be here when I close my eyes. Promise?”_

_“I promise.”_

 

\-----------------------------

 

“Where are _you_ going?” Solana asked from the doorway, eyeing the twin bags on his bed and the Mantis crate. “Dad said you refused C-Sec and Hierarchy positions.”

“Yeah, yeah, everyone wants a piece of a once hero that is now quietly shoved under the rug. I can’t _believe_ the crap the fucking Council pulled,” Garrus growled out, thinking of how barely a half a year after Shepard’s death, the Council began allowing rumors to spread of the Reapers being only an imaginary foe and putting all responsibility for the Citadel fight on the geth and a rogue Spectre. That Sovereign itself was Saren's “ship.” Fucking crap.

Solana crossed her arms. Her silver facial plates shined with her freshly stained Vakarian markings. “Seriously, Garrus. Where are you going?”

“I’m not telling you, so you can stop asking.”

“Fuck that. I’m your sister. You _will_ tell me.”

Garrus’s head snapped up fast, and he moved to stand in front of her, his eyes sharp. “No. I won’t. You're ten years younger than me, Sol. Don't try that shit.”

Solana stared at him in mild shock. “Spirits. You’re not planning on coming back.”

“I’ve got some business to do. As Dad put it, ‘focus’ myself. So no. I’m not coming back.”

“Ever?”

“I don’t know, Sol. I’m over this crap with Dad, and I need to kill something,” Garrus muttered, turning back to grab his Mantis crate and one bag. “Now, you can either grab this other bag and help me get to the port where a ship is waiting with a ticket for me, keeping your mouth shut about it, or I will grab it and walk out by myself. Your call.”

She didn’t blink as she watched him for a long moment. Finally she sighed and pushed from the doorway. “Damn it, Garrus,” she cursed and reached for the bag.

Garrus felt her following him through the home. It was evening. He had planned to leave in the night to cause as few disturbances as possible, or at the very least from his father knowing he was leaving like this. Garrus didn’t hate his father. If anything, he felt a twisted respect now that he had some motivation to go _do_ something. But if Atreyus knew where Garrus’s plans were leading him to, the older turian would immediately have locked Garrus in his bedroom or called in some favors to get him “help” that he honestly probably needed.

The siblings had almost made it out the door without problem, but they had both forgotten one thing—their mother’s illness that kept her up often at night. Alaire sat near the kitchen, by the door, a drink in front of her on a counter. Garrus and Solana froze solid when they came into her view and she stared them and the bags down.

Alaire’s sharp eyes moved from her daughter’s face straight to her son’s. “You’re leaving.”

“Yes,” he choked out.

She sighed and shook her head for a minute before walking up to him; his mother grabbed his mandibles and pulled his face toward hers. “Don’t do anything stupid, Garrus. For your family’s sake.”

“I’ll try not to, Mom.”

“For her sake,” Alaire added, catching Garrus off-guard. Solana frowned next to them, mandibles tight to her face. He swallowed, unable to reply. His mother leaned up to rub her mandibles against his, soothing him with her subharmonics. “Message home. Let me know you’re alive.”

“I will.”

After the short trip to the docking port where the ship was waiting, Garrus turned to take his other bag from Solana. To his surprise his sister was trying to stifle small, little keening cries.

“Sol,” he murmured, dropping everything for a moment to reach forward and hug her.

She stiffened. “What are you doing?”

“Oh. It’s, uh, a human hug. Something Shepard taught me,” he answered and let go, rubbing his mandibles against hers.

“Weird,” she said, but her voice had cleared up. “Be careful out there, you idiot. If Mom gets worse, you better come home.”

Garrus nodded, picking up his things. He gave Solana a salute before entering the ship. Garrus found the cabin with his ticket number and sealed himself inside with his bags. As he sat on the cot and looked out the small window, his heart was lighter for the first time in months, the grief not so crippling anymore. That old determination was rebuilding inside of him.

He was going to Omega.

 


	5. Comatose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coma sleep is deep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

Shepard knew one thing. She had never felt so cold in her life. Thankfully, the cold hadn’t lasted too long before the darkness overtook her. She felt everything and nothing at once, as if she had dispersed into molecular form.

She seemed to stay that way a long time. And in all those moments of feeling spread out, at peace and existing, her thoughts were venturing to her last seconds. She recalled the air hissing from her suit as the panic set in and the quiet began. The awful quiet, she hated it so much. Now there was a different quiet, a silence and yet just the sound of nothing, a sound so unique that it is nearly imperceptible to human hearing.

Her last conscious thoughts had struck her fear of death: Pictures of her team, the _Normandy_ , and her mother cycled repeatedly through her mind. Each image caused her pain, but none so much as Garrus.

 _Garrus_.

The thought echoed through her molecular-feeling form, like a random, lone heartbeat.

Her very last thought was of Garrus. Of how she didn’t just tell him in that message about her feelings because she wanted to have the conversation face-to-face, of how reserving those moments was her last hope that the bad feeling in her gut was wrong. The disembodied sensation continued on in the nothingness, the peaceful nothingness, until the voice came.

“ _Narika_.”

 _Caios_ , Shepard thought, feeling that random pulse shoot through her again at hearing the old turian’s voice.

“ _Narika.”_

Shepard didn’t know if she had eyes anymore, but she was able to see a form begin to take shape in the darkness. It was Caios, in a favored old suit of armor he had kept. The beautiful burgundy markings adorned his face once more in front of her.

_Caios._

_“Narika. You should not have come here.”_

_I died, Caios. I failed._

He shook his head and tilted it like he always used to do. _“No, narika. You have not. Your life was stolen from you. You did not fail.”_

Shepard “watched” as his mouth never moved but his voice thrummed through her nothingness, creating little pulse waves. _It doesn’t matter. I died._

 _“He’s right,”_ another voice sounded, rippling the nothingness.

_Dad?_

Alex Shepard’s form manifested next to Caios’s. His red hair was still vibrantly dark, and his charismatic, familiar presence filled her being. He smiled broadly at what she felt was her face. His lips didn’t move as she heard him say, _“Hey, kiddo.”_

_Dad. Oh, Dad._

_“Shh, baby. It’s going to be okay.”_

_I missed you, Dad. I missed you and Caios. Don’t leave. I don’t want to forget._

_“Narika, you are the one who must leave_ ,” Caios replied.

_Me? Why?_

_“It wasn’t your time, baby.”_ Alex answered her.

 _“Stolen.”_ Caios’s voice echoed.

The nothingness shifted, though how she felt it she couldn’t explain. _Why can’t I stay?_

Caios angled his face. _“Your destiny is not finished. Your fate is defiant.”_

_I don’t understand._

Suddenly another image appeared next to them. It was of Garrus’s face, frozen in time. Shepard felt the nothingness stir in response and felt pulses bounce through her shapeless form. Just as quick as it appeared it vanished back into the nothingness.

 _“It’s time, baby. It’s going to hurt. I’m sorry. And you’re going to have a great many things ahead of you. But you’ll get through it, sweetheart. I know you will.”_ Alex smiled again at her and slowly began to fade. _“You won't be alone.”_

 _Dad, wait! No, don’t go!_ Shepard could hear what appeared to be her eleven-year-old self’s voice speaking, pleading with the figure.

_“I love you, baby.”_

_Dad...I love you so much._

As her father’s form left, Caios shimmered. _Not you, too._

_“Yes, narika. Be strong. Your path ahead will be difficult and at times emotionally devastating, but you will endure. You have the turian spirit. And you will never be alone.”_

_Thanks, Caios._

He nodded and quietly faded away.

The nothingness jerked; Shepard could _feel_ sensations returning to familiar bodily shapes in the blackness, like a spirit returning to a body.

That’s when she opened her eyes and saw the woman’s face: She had pale skin, big beautiful blue eyes, and soft peach colored lips. Dark hair formed around her head. Shepard blinked, dazed, and saw her again. She could hear muted voices and see bright lights all behind the woman. A pounding began, followed by a loud monitored beeping, and a subdued voice saying that she needed another sedative, that it was too soon.

“Shepard,” the woman said before Shepard closed her eyes again.

 


	6. Omega Reflections

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.  
> 

 

 

He'd wasted no time. Having the past C-Sec experience did help him carve a deal with a tight-wad turian for a nicer, safer, apartment on Omega. He knew it was an oxymoron of sorts—a safe apartment on Omega—but it didn't matter. He just wanted to be able to sleep with less worry about being shot in his sleep.

Slowly over his time there, Garrus had built up a reputation by helping victims in some random crimes he'd encountered: he'd interrupted a burglary not far from his own new residence, beat the shit out of an obsessed human who'd attempted to rape a lone quarian on her pilgrimage, and stopped some protection schemes from some of Omega's finest gangs of morons. Morons with guns, yeah, but morons nonetheless to him.

It was that first instance—of stopping an ass-whipping that some krogan from the Blood Pack had tried on a lone turian—that had changed everything and made the path clear. It hadn't been easy, and he'd used some quick thinking tips Shepard had shown him long before; he may not have had her old neural shocking ability, but he tried something similar and jumped away, watching the krogan run head first into some other krogan mercenaries trying to eat near by. During the ensuing beat down, Garrus had grabbed the turian, a male named Sidonis, and taken him back to his apartment to let him recover and get some answers about the state of Omega.

Turned out the asari merc, Aria, was some sort of Queen like figure here, sure, but she had some serious “nobles” running around and doing a lot of damage: the Blood Pack, Blue Suns and Eclipse merc groups. And they were bloodthirsty as much as they were greedy.

Saving Sidonis was the key, though, to Garrus's future, and he knew it the moment he'd sat down with the beat up turian and talked. Together they'd hatched the idea of a new group, a new dynamic to shift the balances so warily struck on the asteroid. Except this one would focus on helping the citizens of Omega instead of tearing them down and apart. Garrus knew from his C-Sec time that people here, unless criminally affiliated, tended to be very poor and looking for small opportunities. Omega was much easier to find work on than the Citadel, and if the work paid well, there weren't many questions.

And that's how he'd become the moniker they'd given him: Archangel.

Garrus huffed to himself as he thought about it all, a little amused and honestly flattered at the idea.  
  
Really, though, he knew he was only trying to do something right without the tape...without Shepard's safe, moral whispers. His own angel, now.  
  
The thought of her made him seize like always; it had never dulled, and that was the part that terrified him. It was why his mother had looked at him the way she had that night she'd come to find him waking from his dreams. Turians could get deeply emotionally attached to family, friends and bond mates, absolutely. But for him to get this attached to a human, someone who by most (false) accounts was his boss and not actually his best friend and the object of a very strange but delicious desire, well...it was a bit abnormal.

Chellick had been the single person to call him out on it, too, in his brutally honest way.

Just before leaving the Citadel for Palaven, the officer had caught him leaving his apartment for the last time:

The white markings of Chellick's face shined under the lighting in the external hall. “Vakarian.”

“Chellick.”

“I saw you put in notice. Leaving for good this time, huh?” Chellick's bright green eyes, eyes a different shade than Shepard's darker ones, bored into him.

Garrus shrugged. “Nothing left for me here.”

“Blackwatch?”

“I guess. Who knows.”

“Well, your actions the past few months will get you in if you want it,” Chellick commented and tightened his mandibles. “Just...don't get killed out there, Vakarian. Few good people like you.”

Surprised at the sentiment from an old rival, Garrus raised his brows, but expressed thanks in subharmonic tones. “Same to you, Chellick.”  
  
Chellick stopped him as he tried to walk past, a firm grip of talons digging into his sleeve. “Vakarian, listen.”

“What?”

“I...know.”

“About...?” Garrus frowned, tired and wanting to make sure he still had plenty of time to get settled on the ship taking him home. Even his eyes felt tired as they shifted back to Chellick.

The other turian sighed and let go of his arm. “Shepard.”

At her very name Garrus flinched visibly and barely stopped a painful automatic low cry in his throat. “What...what about...her?” he gulped out.

“She, uh. She turned me down for you. Not gonna lie, I shrugged it off like it wasn't anything big, but it fucking hurt. It really hurt. I really...I liked her a lot. But then I saw how she looked at you as you left that bar, and I knew. She kept saying how she had had this thing for you since she first saw you...that she couldn't in good conscience lead me on or give me any real shot until it was figured out, even though she wasn't sure you felt remotely the same since unlike me you hadn't ever considered being with humans. She thought maybe she could break off her emotional end of it and come to me.” Chellick brought his mandibles down a little, revealing his teeth in a somewhat saddened, but sympathetic look. “I figured you felt something, like some awkward crush maybe. But...I heard and saw you react to...the news. Garrus....”

At first pleasure and pain twisted into a knife in his gut as he learned of her knowing she couldn't have been with Chellick until she knew how he felt...but then he thought back, remembering how she'd almost gone to Chellick after finding Garrus with the one turian female—how narrowly he'd avoided that fate, keeping her with him so that those goodbye kisses finally happened.  
  
Yet something about Chellick telling him these things just set him off. Garrus dropped his duffle bags, full of heated rage. Ironically, some of it was stemming from what should have become dormant territorial hormones...and that was very disconcerting. “Shut up, Chellick. Just shut up. I don't want to hear anymore about it. Leave it _alone_!”

“No! Damn it, I know what I saw, heard and smelled in that office. And I just...I wanted to...properly say my apologies for your...loss of your mate,” Chellick countered quickly, his voice dropping low in deep pain. Garrus's jaw gaped, mandibles completely slack in shock as Chellick took a deep breath, barely stopping a low keen from leaving him to continue speaking. “Look, whether you got to do the bonding or not, it was there. The connection. There was something there, always was, even that day she got those mods for me. And as much as that fucking pissed me off, I got it when she.... So....”

Garrus didn't say anything. His heart felt like it had been completely wrung out and left to wither in the Palaven sun. He hated the constant reminder of her loss, the never ending ache and thoughts. But this...this was a new ripping of pain. Someone _understood_ and that someone was turian. Was...was it true? Had he somehow, so subtly and quietly, fallen for Shepard that he had gotten to...the right depth for a much deeper bond to begin? For love to have a start? Was that why it hurt so much, why he couldn't sleep without seeing her, why he felt he'd never be whole again? It couldn't be. It wasn't possible, far too fast to be an idea...and yet it was. It was something to consider. They'd spent so much time together, so many intimate, life-changing moments over that year that it was entirely possible.

“I'm sorry she's gone, Garrus. I can't imagine the pain. I feel an ache, but yours...yours has to be incredible. And I wanted to be at least someone who could acknowledge that to you and get it. Be respectful about it, not disgusted or some bullshit.” Chellick stepped back, his voice wavering badly, subharmonics struggling to stop him from keening again, but was unsuccessful. He looked away until the sound stopped tearing from him and sighed heavily after, trying to breathe through the rest undoubtedly bothering him.

Garrus still stared at the turian. He'd _never_ heard such sound come from Chellick in all the time they'd worked around one another on the Citadel. Never. It made him very uncertain of what to think concerning the other turian's grief over Shepard. Obviously Chellick himself felt something somewhat serious, despite not having had much opportunity around Shepard. Chellick may have been an ass occasionally, but he wouldn't let his wounded ego influence his pain with this.  
  
Still, Garrus swallowed his thoughts and nodded roughly. “Thanks, Chellick. I...thanks. We weren't mated, but thanks.”

“Maybe not officially. I mean it, Garrus. And it's okay.” Chellick saluted him in turian comradely fashion, mandibles tight against his cheeks once more. “Keep in touch, Vakarian, if you can.”

“Yeah, Chellick. I'll try.” Garrus extended a hand, ironically a gesture they'd somewhat picked up from the humans working in C-Sec, intent on trying to keep his word if possible. Chellick shook it, sighing a little, to which Garrus half-smiled. “Um. I appreciate...what you said. Shepard and I got close. Really close. I...you might be...on to something, I don't know. We became best friends and wanted to try something more before she...passed. I didn't know you felt so strongly about...about her. Figured maybe she was something new you wanted to experience.”

Chellick snorted and waved him off with an ironic smile. “She was the most inspiring person I'd ever met. I used to follow her in the media after Akuze. And becoming the first official human Spectre? Shit. Hot as hell and sassy, too, at least by humans I've been attracted to anyway. That day I challenged you, well, I never challenge anyone. I usually date who I want, fuck who I want, and go home at the end of the day. Never met anyone I could even one day think about being with on a long haul of any kind. But...damn, Vakarian, I could just _see_ this thing there, and I knew you'd be too much like a normal turian to notice or appreciate it. I knew I could give her something if she'd be interested. See where it went. And I was so fucking close to getting to do that.”

“You're right,” Garrus replied, though it killed him to admit it. Chellick would never have denied anything, hidden anything, or pretended he wasn't attracted to Shepard. It was gossiped about, his interspecies liaisons, but clamped down tightly as Chellick had knocked the hell out of one racist turian in C-Sec before about it. “I had been...feeling some weirdness, but wasn't sure what my problem was. If you hadn't challenged me, I don't know if...if I'd ever even come around and gotten it. Figured out how she felt by the end of it. So...as bad as this sounds, thanks for that, too.”

“Yeah. You were a lucky sonuvabitch, friend,” Chellick said with a light laugh and causing Garrus to smile some.

“Not lucky enough.”

“Can you...move on?” Chellick asked, concerned. He wasn't stupid; he knew how the rites worked and how only some could go beyond them. “Even if you weren't mates, you said you were very close. Probably got some hormones in there. I think that's what this is.”

There it was. Shit. Turian hormones were far too powerful for their own good. Having had the realization, Garrus shook his head to answer. “We uh, we never...got that far. I mean, I never even got to openly date her. It was what we were kinda dancing around before...it happened. She was supposed to get back, have shore leave, and....”

He abruptly let out a heavy laugh thinking back to her message. The sound was rich and true and something he hadn't heard from himself in a while.

Chellick raised his brow plates. “And?”

“Shepard was an artist. She sketched people. Aliens. Fantastically fucking talented at it, too. She drew me once...my face. But she wanted.... She'd had to look up extranet anatomy studies to get the full form,” Garrus explained, gesturing as he crossed an arm in mild embarrassment. He knew Chellick would get his meaning about a full male turian nude needing...aroused to be sketched. “I offered her a more...close up model. One of the last things she sent me was how nervous she was about it. But excited, too.”

Chellick laughed a little at that, understanding. “Damn, Vakarian. Didn't know you had it in you.”

“Me either. I mean, before I worked here I was a bit of a flirt back home. But work was a huge distraction, and I didn't date much if at all, really. Even so...never had a connection like that. In an early stage it was already...I could tell, like you said you could. Possible mate or not, that was something special, regardless of the fact that she was human,” he said and sighed, bending to lift his bags back up. “Anyway to answer you...even though we never got to even date, I...don't think I can. Move on from her, I mean. It would take someone with even bigger shoes, as humans say.”

“True,” Chellick agreed with a slight smile. “Well, let me know if you ever need a favor, Garrus.”

“Same, if I can do anything,” Garrus returned the offering sincerely.

Now almost two years later, Garrus thought back to that conversation and wondered if he'd get Chellick to give up the little bit of undercover work he liked in C-Sec to work with him on Omega. Garrus had a diverse team now, most recruited randomly by volunteering or as a way of thanks for help given to them. Their names were carved inside his visor's metal: Erash, Monteague, Mierin, Grundan Krul, Melenis, Ripper, Sensat, Vortash, Butler, Weaver and Sidonis.

Butler, a human male with a quick grin and a penchant for fiery things, had checked in last on his way back to “base,” or the apartment. The rest had sat down to eat after a rough tumble with some Blue Suns near the back alley merchants next to the Afterlife club.

Garrus looked in on them and for a second saw the scene change entirely, shifting until the apartment became the old mess on the _Normandy_ and his friends and old crew mates were sitting around playing cards: Kaidan smiling like usual, Wrex making soft insults at Tali while the quarian youth nailed him right back. Williams standing off a little, but looking entertained nonetheless. Liara appearing to want to join but being too nervous to ask as she watched.

“I miss it, too,” she said in his ear.

No. Not again.  
  
Garrus clenched his eyes shut, terrified. His obsessive dreaming of her had evolved in the long time he'd spent setting up his team on Omega, and over the last few months he had started to hallucinate Shepard's voice. It wasn't him dreaming anymore. She'd comment to him, like his conscience, and he'd reply as low as possible. He'd hoped getting off the stim packs Mierin had acquired would help. But their work...well, stim packs were becoming a necessity as they kept pissing off the bigger merc groups. A side effect of excessive use _was_ hallucinations, so at least he had the excuse...but he was deeply worried that it wasn't just the stim packs but a sign that no matter his best efforts, he was going to go insane.

“You're supposed to be only in my dreams,” he whispered back as he left the crew, not the old ship crew now but once again his intermix of human, batarian and turian people.

Garrus sat on his bed and hung his head in his hands as she spoke again. “You don't sleep enough, big guy.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.”

“Afraid to see me?”

“More like I'm going insane either way.”

Garrus heard her soft laugh in his head. “Just be careful. You need to stay strong. Stay aware. Something is coming.”

He knew she was only the voice to his gut's concerns because he had felt something building lately, something about to blow very soon. And it made him very worried for his team. It was gonna be huge, too, whatever it was, because it sounded awful similar in his head to how her last message had gone.

Quietly he shifted out of his armor with the little wings on the one arm and let himself lie on his side upon the bed.

“I miss you,” he said, as always, into the silence in the dark.

 

 

 


	7. Awake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard doesn't know these fuckers, and she REALLY doesn't like these new mechs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

Holy _shit_ , her head was throbbing like a three-day hangover.

Shepard winced as she awoke to loud booming, both outside and inside her head. A woman's voice was urgently calling her name above her somewhere. Green eyes opened, blinking against the harsh lighting of...a lab. Fantastic, where the fuck was she? Where was the crew? Where was Garrus? She had to get to him. Now.

“Shepard, you need to listen to me! The facility is under attack, and you have to get to me and a shuttle. Commander!”

The woman barely sounded familiar. Dark blue eyes flashed in Shepard's mind.

“What?” she asked, dazed, and shook her head gently to clear it. Shepard frowned as she looked around her, not recognizing anything at all. Had she been kidnapped? Fuck, fuck.

“Commander, in the locker nearby is a pistol. Get it. You're going to need to stay in cover. The mechs are loose and attacking the staff!”

“Mechs?” Shepard frowned. What the hell was this woman on about? “Who are you?”

“Shepard! They're coming! Use the damn cloaking I installed on your omni-tool!”

Shepard heard some mild gunfire outside the far end of the room, where a large door was shut with what appeared to be a...holo-lock? When was that a thing? Quickly she jumped off the bed, feeling sore in her muscles, and grabbed the pistol from the locker. Ah, familiar Alliance grade pistols...why would such things be here, in a lab?

A loud explosive bang sounded outside the closed door, and instantly she was moving on her feet, ignoring the heavy tossing feeling inside her skull. Shepard slid into a makeshift cover of covered machines and counters, her breathing rapid. The door burst open, and two robots walked in; she could hear the mechanisms working in each release of air as they lifted and stepped down.

Shepard closed her eyes. Took a breath. Focused.

When they reopened those green eyes were sharp like the edge of a knife. She glanced at the omni-tool, lightly tapped the holo-cloak button, and watched her arm “disappear” from view. How fascinating! With a smile she slid out of cover and fired a sabotaging move toward the left robot. Her pistol went off, taking the head of the right one. With a second aimed shot the left went down, too.

“Shepard! Where are you?” the voice rang out again, less clear this time in the overhead audio.

Shepard blinked as she toed the mechs a second, still a bit awed by their existence while her cloak flickered off. With a forced shrug, she exited the room, picking up ammo as she did so. “Uh, hallway. Room to my left, corner hall curving around ahead.”

“Keep going. Stay in cover when you can and use that cloak, like I said. Do _not_ die.”

The woman almost snarled the last demand as a threat. Shepard's brows rose, but quickly she ducked into that remaining room on the left, mostly out of a nagging need to do so. Some consoles had been left behind, audio and visual files that had been recording left open. She decided it was worth the snooping to check for a few seconds. What she heard made her almost drop the pistol from her right hand.

Shepard had been brought back. Brought back? From fucking what exactly? A geth attack? What the fuck did _brought back_ even mean? “Two...billion...credits...for what?”

“Commander! You have to _move_!”

“Shit, sorry!” she called out and took off, checking the corner carefully before moving ass.

A man banged on a thick window near her and was blasted apart by a huge mech, different than the ones that had attacked her before. It was a hulking monster with a machine gun in its right arm. Shepard swallowed and ran for the doorway. This had to be a nightmare.

It took some watchful moving, but she made it to an elevated platform. She glanced to her right to find an abandoned heavy weapon. Brows rose as she lifted it. “Grenade launcher?”

“Fantastic. Shepard, use the console to get down. Grenade the incoming mechs!”

“I'm gonna trust you for now,” Shepard replied to the woman, slamming her palm on the button as the elevator took her down. She prepped the launcher and waited, watching the door, not wanting to waste her shot. Seconds later the door was forced open as a group of the skinnier mechs entered, guns already aimed at her. She shot off the launcher, grinning stupidly when a trio of grenades went off perfectly upon the group and splintered them into pieces. “Oh hell _yes!_ ”

Flames erupted from the piping nearby as a result of the miniature explosion. “Shepard, run through them as fast as you can!”

“Got it,” she mumbled, holstering the heavy weapon as best as possible and pulling out her pistol. She took a breath, closed her eyes, and ran through the farthest edge of the shooting flame, gasping when she broke through and smelled lightly singed clothing. “Ugh.”

“Shepard! Comm—ddd—rrrr....”

“Hello?”

“....”

Static greeted her. Shepard shook her head, slightly concerned about the voice's owner, but still flat out confused as to what was going on. But she kept moving, through the corridors, the pressing need to get the hell out of here and back to a certain turian being her motivation.

She finally entered an open area with a large gap between two sides of a room. A man in a black and grey uniform was crouched behind thick, protective decorative glass fencing near her. He swung his dark head to her, handsome and smooth black complexion catching her eye as much as his shock did. “Shepard? You're awake? Oh, shit, this is bad then.”

“Awake? Who are you? What the _hell_ are these mechs?” Shepard called back and ran to slide next to him once two entered opposite the gap.

The man shook his head. “You help me get rid of 'em, I'll answer your questions.”

“Deal,” Shepard agreed and popped over the fence edge to turn one of the mechs against the other.

He mirrored her, but threw out a biotic pull that yanked the still attacking mech, making it float lightly through the air. Shepard quickly dispatched it while he took out the mech she'd sabotaged. She looked to him and found him sighing as he sat down to take a breath for a second.

“I want to know who you are. Where are we? What the hell is going on here? Where is my crew?” Shepard fought to keep her voice civil. After all, the guy had asked for help and hadn't shot _at her_.

He blinked for a second. “Fair. Okay, I'm Jacob Taylor. You're in a facility, a lab focused on developing new technologies. You....”

“Why did you ask if I woke up? Why was this woman telling me to get my ass moving and helping me over a comm? Who are you people?” she demanded in frustration.

Jacob nodded, hands raised in understanding. “All right. I'll tell you. Just...try not to freak out too much.”

“Say whatever you need to.”

“Okay. Shepard...your ship was attacked. Two years ago. You were...spaced. You...died. My group was given location of your, uh, remains, and with a _lot_ of funding and ingenuity, we managed to, well. Bring you back. So welcome back,” Jacob said, wiping his brow. “I know it sounds insane, but it's true, Shepard.”

Shepard slumped a little, feeling like she'd been punched in the chest. Wasn't the feeling of nothingness just a dream? But what about that haunting hissing noise she kept hearing? Seconds passed and the memory slammed into her with the force of a frigate crashing into a planet.  
  
She _had_ been spaced. She had listened to her air hiss out as a result of her oxygen tank in the suit getting busted from the explosions of the ship attack. She had choked and gasped, freezing, and all around her had been silent. Except that hissing.  
  
Shepard swallowed roughly, her voice hoarse as she spoke. “I died. How is this even possible? How am I here?”

“Look, my associate who spoke to you? Miranda. She was the head of the project. She'll explain it all later. We have to get to safety first,” he replied and rose to his feet.

Shepard, still debating the reality of the moment and starting to have some very bad suspicions of Jacob's employer, ignored the hand he stuck out to her and stood on her own. “Where's my crew?”

“After the ship was destroyed, the existing crew that survived went different ways. Not sure about some of them. Tali'Zorah went back to the fleet. Williams stayed in the Alliance. The pilot quit, I think.”

“What about an asari, krogan and turian?” Shepard asked, pausing a little as Jacob opened a nearby door to continue onward. “Wait, Liara had been on the ship with Tali, but the other two hadn't. They didn't go with me after Sovereign. Wrex went back to Tuchanka.”

“Yes. The quarian got out fine. Liara T'soni is on Illium, doing some information brokering. Intel says the turian, Vakarian, kinda disappeared off the grid after your death. No one has been able to track him. Probably doing some Blackwatch classified stuff for Palaven,” Jacob answered, shrugging at his guess. “Makes most sense if he's gone dark. The krogan's basically the same. Either Tuchanka or more likely back doing merc work after you died.”

Shepard followed him through the door and out, her gut twisting. God, what had happened to all of them? What had they gone through these two years? Garrus.... God, she hoped he was okay. He had to be. She ached just thinking about him out invisible in the galaxy somewhere not knowing she was here breathing again. At the same time she had a hot, burning fear that he'd...rightfully moved on from whatever he'd felt for her, maybe even realized it was some weird aberration for him. Like, in all honesty, he probably should have. Shit, she could walk into him with a family by this point. The very thought made her want to vomit on the spot.

Quickly they met a wounded employee in a new room. His leg had been shot, and he was yelling and cursing. “Get me some fuckin' medigel!”

Shepard ran over to a wall dispenser and did so, brow raising as she thought she recognized his voice. “Do I know you?”

“This is Wilson. He worked with Miranda on you.” Jacob helped the man to his feet as he answered.

“Jacob!”

“Look, she isn't going to do anything if she can't trust us for five minutes, Wilson!”

Shepard's brows narrowed. “Who the hell do you work for?”  
  
“Shepard, if I tell you, will you hold off reacting and thinking about things so we can get the hell out of here?” Jacob retorted, crossing his arms.

“Fine. Who?”

“We work for the Illusive Man.”

She frowned at that. “Never heard of him.”

“Well, uh. He runs Cerberus, which by the way is way more complicated and diverse than what you encountered before. I promise. We brought you back,” Jacob gushed out in a direct tone, already trying to cut off the fury in her eyes. “Humanity needs you.”

“Murdered one of my Admirals, too,” she countered, pissed off. “Humanity sure fucking needed Kohaku as well.”

Jacob held out his hands. “I wasn't aware, but I am sorry. I promise I'll tell you anything you want to know. Just let us get out of here first.”

Shepard wavered while Wilson blew his temper. “Goddamn it, Jacob!”

“She deserves to know!”

“Both of you, shut up. There's shit coming through the door,” Shepard snapped as she went into cover, having heard the mechanical stepping. A headache was pounding behind her eyes from the stress.  
  
Just when she moved to shoot the first of the mech group, Wilson used an overloading move on some fuel containers, blowing the hell out of the robots. With an almost impressed look, Shepard nodded and took off, not waiting on them as she could hear how close they kept to her.

Two doors and a dozen mechs later, a woman appeared, sneering as she raised her gun and a mech fell next to her. Shepard froze, recognizing the face in her dream. So she thought was a dream. Must have been a memory.

“Miranda?” Jacob asked, breathing heavy. “Glad you're safe.”

“Yeah. How'd you get through? There are mechs everywhere,” Wilson said.

Miranda looked over to Wilson, glared, and shot the man straight in the forehead.  
  
Shepard gaped, completely lost. “What in the _fuck_ are you doing?”

“My job. Saving us. Wilson started this mess with the mechs,” Miranda replied coldly.

Shepard glared at her pretty face. “Listen. I don't care who you are, you don't shoot first without definitive proof and, hopefully, a goddamn trial! What if you're wrong?”

“I'm not. Never am, Shepard.”

“You work for Cerberus. There's all kinds of wrong in that,” Shepard almost snarled. Garrus would have been impressed by it.

Miranda didn't bat an eye at the fury in the Commander. She turned to Jacob instead, shaking her head and tsking. “Jacob, Jacob, _Jacob_.”

“What? How were we gonna make it without her knowing? Without her thinking I wasn't gonna just shoot her in the back?” he countered roughly. That earned him a point in Shepard's favor, for sure.

Nonetheless, Shepard took a firm step forward. “And yet she just shot Wilson. So I guess I have right to be distrustful.”

“Feel how you want. We have to get out of here. Now. The place is going to go.” Miranda turned, holstering her gun.

“But what about survivors? We have to look. I know I saw and heard people running for their lives!”

Dark blue eyes clashed with green ones. “Don't you get it? You're the only one that matters here. But please, be my guest. I'm getting out of here. Stay and die or go and live. Your choice, Shepard.”

Jacob gave Shepard a look of sympathetic understanding before gesturing after the dark-headed, pale woman. “Sorry, Shepard.”

“Fucking hell,” she growled out and followed Ms. Coldly Perfect out the door, ignoring the explosions, gun blasts, and shouting behind her.

 


	8. Freedom's Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally. A familiar "face."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

The shuttle rocked a little as it zoomed away from the station they'd fought to escape. Shepard tried to block out the horrible motions until it smoothed, the dampeners kicking in and taking out the effects of the G-forces.

“Commander, you've proven just shortly how you're physically capable. I need to test you mentally now. Won't be a proper evaluation, but there has to be something done for indication,” Miranda stated and crossed a leg over the other, dark blue eyes heavily scrutinizing Shepard like she was a frog on a slate.

Unappreciative of such a look, Shepard smirked back. “Do your worst.”

“Excellent,” Miranda countered haughtily.

Jacob snapped his head to her, angry. “Enough. Shepard proved herself. She's fine. She remembered Cerberus from before and her old crew.”

“Fine. I'll save the cognitive and comprehensive tests for later. Let's go for memory.”

“Whatever makes you happy,” Shepard grunted out, already disliking the snobbish woman.

Miranda flipped her hair over her shoulder. “All right, Shepard. Who is Earth's new Councilor for humanity?”

“I nominated Anderson for the role after the take down of Sovereign, Saren and the geth on the Citadel. I felt that though Udina was a good politician, he wouldn't have the backbone to get anything done, as evidenced by the entire fuck up of me getting anything done previously.” Shepard crossed her arms, annoyed that Miranda hadn't even raised a surprised brow.

“Good. Let's try something harder.”

“Like?”

Jacob sat forward, hands clasped between his legs. “Commander, back on Virmire one of your crew was tasked with ensuring the bomb went off that destroyed Saren's base of operations.”

Shepard instantly tensed and briefly closed her eyes. “Kaidan.”

“Yes. Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko died that day. Do you remember why you made this choice? Obviously we can't count it right or wrong, but....”

Miranda huffed. “It helps me know how certain functions in your brain are working.”

Shepard rolled her eyes. “So I should just tear a piece of myself that wanted to die that day off and give it to you like a fucking homework assignment for grading?”

“Commander, I'm sure Miranda didn't mean any disrespect,” Jacob said, trying to cool the atmosphere.

Shepard turned to him specifically. “You want to know why? Because I had to make a choice. Chief Williams was aiding a salarian STG group on my orders, and there were more of them needing saved. Kaidan was my sentinel techie, and he wanted to handle the bomb. He _volunteered himself_ to make sure the bomb went off. He sacrificed himself for _all of us_ that day. And if you think I let him do that easily, left him there lightly, then you need to just drop me off at the next place I can get a ticket. I've got people to find anyway.”

Silence answered her. Jacob looked uncomfortable at her response. Miranda didn't raise her brows, _but_ she'd pursed her lips in thought.

“Good enough for you?” Shepard snapped.

Miranda's face cleared. “For now. I'll need to do more testing later.”

“Whatever floats your boat.”

“We're docking,” Jacob interrupted. He glanced to Shepard as the shuttle entered a different station, one still very large in size. “Time to go meet the boss, Shepard.”

Shepard raised her hand, stopping them from moving. “Why am I here? Tell me plainly why I'm alive right now.”

The two employees shared a glance before Jacob sighed. “Human colonies have been disappearing. People are vanishing in the tens of thousands at a time. And we believe it's Reaper-related. Humanity needs you, Shepard.”

Shepard relaxed her hand and sat back, stunned.

 

\----------------------------

 

Just who the hell did these people think they were? First Miranda brought her back, then treated her still like she was just some experiment. Jacob tried to show her kindness, but he was also mistrustful himself of her. And the fucking Illusive Man. So fine, humanity had a champion full of money willing to invest in technologies to better them. Why didn't half of it get donated to charities? Why was it so invested in what she had obviously seen to be dark matters for the “betterment” of humanity? A front, if she ever saw one, Shepard concluded after speaking with him, while he kept flicking that fucking cigarette even on a holo-version of him.

But.

He was right about one thing.

They had to stop these abductions.

The moment Jacob had mentioned the huge number of abductions, she'd almost fizzled out. How was it remotely possible? And they repeated to her that it wasn't body parts and obvious struggles for clues to be found at these sites, but...nothing. Nothing...strange, except for the lack of the people themselves. And this Illusive Man wanted to get to the bottom of it, was willing to do whatever it took apparently to do so since no one else was. The Council had, against Anderson's points, refused aid because “humanity knew the danger it was undertaking when colonizing into more lawless parts of space.” Anderson must have blown a fucking gasket, she thought. And she knew the Alliance was probably struggling with funding and ideas of how to prevent further abductions.

Even so, the Illusive Man had been...arrogant. Trying to appear not to be...trying to go so far as to be her “friend” of sorts. But she wasn't stupid. He considered her an investment as well and expected her to dance to his tune in payback.

Two billion credits. Christ.

Shepard groaned as she felt the long range communicator shut down. And he'd given her dossiers to build a team with barely any information on her old crew.

The trio had turned around and left after outfitting Shepard properly with armor and explaining upgrades that had been made since her...time out. Her first mission under Cerberus would be investigating the most recent abduction site, a smaller colony called Freedom's Progress. Something about it sat funny in her stomach, so she tried getting more information on the shuttle ride.

What she got was the same lack of people, no calls for help. No obvious batarian ships leaving the area or any known merc or pirate groups claiming credit.

Itching and waiting, Shepard asked both Jacob and Miranda about their pasts. Miranda naturally stomped the question to death, only stating she enjoyed her job working for Cerberus and would answer any questions related to the Lazarus project. Jacob opened a little more on the ride, annoying Miranda. He explained that in the past he'd been an Alliance Corsair, something Shepard hadn't even heard of. They sounded very interesting though in their more covert missions, many of them dealing with the batarians. But Jacob had become disgruntled and tired of not making a difference, so he joined Cerberus.

Shepard merely nodded, then sat up straight as the pilot of the shuttle announced they had arrived. She double checked her weapons, then pulled a basic sniper rifle off her back. It annoyed the shit out of her that everything she'd had on the ship was gone, burnt up or buried on the planet the remains had fallen to because of gravitational field contact. So her sniper rifle was gone. She had sketch pads and sketches of the crew that she planned to recreate from memory as soon as possible, starting with that of Caios. At least the Illusive Man had promised her an opportunity to scope out the remains of the ship at some point in the near future.

Locked and loaded with some newer ammo modification, Shepard stepped out of the shuttle and took a breath. The dark evening atmosphere was inherently creepy, but the place in front of her was honestly terrifying. Buildings, housing units common on colonies, were stacked around. Chairs and tables left outside on little balconies like they'd just been used. And there was utter silence all around.

“This...is seriously bad,” Shepard muttered. “How could they have all just vanished? How could they all be taken at once? Where's the fighting back?”

Miranda and Jacob followed behind as she took point, slowly navigating through forcefully abandoned homes. Miranda kept her SMG ready to Shepard's left. “That's the key. We figure that out, we can narrow down a list of suspect groups and motives. But there has to be some type of control mechanism.”

“Man, this is so creepy,” Jacob grumbled behind to the right as he passed left out dinner on a counter.

Shepard nodded, then froze at movement up ahead. She immediately signaled for cover, grateful that the two Cerberus employees knew what she'd meant and complied. Perhaps Miranda hadn't been lying about Shepard's word in battle being law.

“What is it?” Miranda asked quietly.

Shepard frowned and slowly glanced down her scope. “Mechs. Two. With...a third. Low to the ground. Dog like.”

“Oh hell. The first two are LOKI mechs like the kind we had on the station. The dogs are FENRIS mechs, and they're going to be an annoyance. But they should be fine. Everything here was programmed in use by the colonists,” Miranda replied and began to stand up.

Shepard saw the movement again and shoved the dark-headed woman back in time to spare her a bullet from outside the building. Green eyes focused on Miranda's rounded dark blues in the minimal light. “Something's not right.”

Miranda looked too disgruntled at being wrong to be grateful.

“No kidding. Someone's reprogrammed the mechs to attack on sight.” Jacob hummed.

“We're not alone, people. Be on guard.” Shepard motioned for them to move forward.

It took several minutes of dodging and using her new tactical cloak to out maneuver the FENRIS mechs. The gunfire worried her, though. She thought maybe the sound would draw more mechs, but none showed thankfully, save a couple of turret and rocket drones that were dispatched before they could become a problem.

A few buildings later brought her face-to-face with what she thought couldn't be real. The only reason she even knew her was the voice that had called out in soft shock.

“Shep...Shepard?”

Shepard's jaw felt like it had hit the fucking floor. “...Tali?”

Tali'Zorah stood in the room, arms extended a bit between the group of quarians and the trio. Shepard gaped at her, gun lowering reflexively. Tali's white glowing eyes were huge behind her purple helmet. “ _Keelah_ , Shepard, is it really you?”

“It can't be. That human died. This person is obviously with Cerberus. We can't trust them, Tali.”

Tali whipped around and swiped her three-fingered hand down in a dismissive move. “Quiet, Prazza.” Slowly she turned back, white glowing eyes floating over Shepard.

“Tali, it's me. It's really me. Remember when I helped you get the geth data for your Pilgrimage? And that time Wrex and Garrus fought in cargo? I...I'm just so fucking happy to see you,” Shepard said, her voice breaking in her amazing relief. The first person she knew, the first friendly face since the nightmare of waking. It felt like yesterday since she'd spoken with the young female quarian on the ship, and yet from the distant way Tali held herself, Shepard could see that there really had been two years to have lost. “Oh God, Tali. You can't imagine how much. I'm so glad you're okay.”

Tali lowered her dismissed gesture and stepped closer at her words, her familiarity the quarian couldn't deny. While the other quarians stared, all those white eyes blinking hazily behind different colored helmets, Prazza, the quarian male she'd yelled at, crossed his arms. “Tali, you can't be serious!”

The familiar quarian ignored him and reached out a small hand. Shepard did the same and took it, squeezing it and sighing as they shook. “Are you okay? What are you guys doing here? This is a human colony, and everyone's vanished.”

“Well we know the quarians couldn't be behind the abductions, so an answer as to their presence is rather necessary,” Miranda agreed and kept her gun up.

Tali's helmet shifted to the Cerberus woman, a look of distaste clear in the narrowed white eyes. “I could ask you the same thing, Cerberus.”

“Exactly, Tali! They're with Cerberus!” Prazza argued behind her.

Shepard frowned, confused at the persistent anger and the tension between Miranda and Tali, two strangers. “What is going on? Why do the quarians have such a problem with you two?”

“Cerberus and the quarians had some interactions not long ago,” Jacob said, trying to sound casual.

“They attacked the Flotilla, Shepard!” Tali yelled and yanked her pistol right back up to chest level.

Shepard shifted, gun half-raised and turned to her second in command. “What? What the hell would you do that for?”

“Please, Shepard. This is unnecessary,” Miranda replied, eyes solid on Tali and her own gun perfectly poised.

Shepard stomped over, front still facing the quarians, and glared at Miranda. “Explain. Now.”

“It's classified.”

“We hid a human who sought refuge from them, Shepard! And they attacked us for it!”

“Not the entire story, but I wouldn't expect that naturally,” Miranda countered angrily.

Shepard's temper flared. She stamped her foot down loudly. “ENOUGH. Tali, I don't know what happened, but I'm sorry. Please, just tell me what's going on here. Right now here.”

“We're here for a quarian,” she answered much to Prazza's griping.

“Why would...? Oh. Pilgrimage?” Shepard asked.

Tali nodded as she lowered her pistol, catching Miranda doing the same under Shepard's fierce glare. The red scars on her face were glowing, adding to the harshness as they reflected off of Tali's helmet; that vision made Shepard's stomach roll a bit, as she'd been unaware of the scars. Tali stared at her, head tilted to the side. “Veetor is...special. He struggles with anxieties and people and wanted a calmer experience. We got a signal that something had gone wrong and came to retrieve him.”

“Gotcha. Well, let's work together, see if we can find him. We do, maybe he can tell us what he saw happen and point us in a direction.”

“It'd be much easier to just apprehend the quarian, Shepard,” Miranda argued from behind.

Prazza waved his pistol. “Tali, you cannot trust them! They will take Veetor!”

Shepard wanted to sock the quarian straight in the helmet. “No one is taking Veetor anywhere except back to the Flotilla. Period.” Shepard glanced to make sure her Cerberus cohorts got the point. Miranda rolled her eyes, but lowered her gun as a sign she'd follow the order. Shepard looked to Tali, sincere. “I promise, Tali. I just need to know what's going on here.”

“And I need to know how you're....”

Shepard bowed her head in shame and awkwardness. “It's a long story and one I don't know a whole lot of still. But I'll talk to you about it if you can come with me after this. I need to put together a team to deal with whoever's behind the abductions. I could use your skills, Tali.”

“Shepard, I....” Tali trailed off and shook her head. “I can't. Believe, me I want to. But there are things I have to do. I'm sorry.”

Shepard swallowed deeply and sighed, nodding in acceptance. “All right. I'll...message you, I guess. For now, let's just find Veetor before these mechs do. Synch up to my omni-tool for communication channels.”

“Got it. He probably set the mechs on guard from a safe spot,” Tali commented and moved back toward the quarian group. “How about splitting up? The signal we got seemed to come from the far side of the compound.”

“Works for me. Let me know if you find him,” Shepard agreed and felt her chest tighten. It was obvious Tali looked torn between leaving Shepard there and going with the quarians who were anxiously waiting. “Be careful, Tali.”

“I will, Shepard. You, too.” The quarians exited ahead, and Shepard felt emptier then than she had upon escaping the station.

 


	9. Veetor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

“Don't tell me _that's_ just another fucking _mech!_ ” Shepard shouted out, rolling behind a small stack of cover and trying to debate how many seconds she had to get around the corner. Preparing for this monster had done them little good—not when Tali's group was mostly killed and it had come for Shepard's team with its combo rocket and machine gun arm.

“Hate to say it, Shepard!” Jacob yelled back, pot shots from his shotgun tearing up the mech's metal.

Shepard was beyond over this. She scrambled as the monster chased them around a load of crates, trying to stay out of its firing line. Until she could get farther away, she couldn't get a clear shot, and her cloak was recharging. “Miranda, if you're not dead, overload this fucking thing!”

Blue crackling popped over Shepard's head and the machine groaned, freezing a moment as it twitched from the power overload. She took off in that split second, aiming for a nearby door way and flung herself in, rolling painfully in the ceramic armor into a table set. The mech resumed its steps, stomping heavily in Jacob's direction as Shepard hid by the door and checked her power gauges. With an exhale she fired out a sabotage and aimed, carefully at one elbow joint. The metal screeched as it broke apart, and the rocket arm fell off to the ground.

Thank God.

“All right, it's maimed! Fuck it up!” She yelled out the door and tried aiming for the other elbow joint as it turned toward her.

Miranda let loose another overload over her SMG fire, peppering the head as Jacob blasted the neck; the result was a spectacular popping of the mech's head into a thousand pieces. Shepard watched the thing fall to its knees and over, stilling. She panted, her heart rate going nuts. In that moment she just wanted Garrus. She wanted to know he'd had her six, that his sniper rifle could have already disabled the mech.

“Shepard!” Miranda shouted.

She took a breath and ran back outside, stepping carefully over the dead quarians, to get back to her squad. They followed her to another building where Tali had hidden, trying to help one of the quarians that had survived with wounds. “Shit,” Shepard mumbled as she walked in and saw the blood and suit punctures. “Tali?”

“He...he might make it if...if the medicines I gave him react fast enough. I'm bandaging as best I can, but we have to get out of here. Find Veetor!” Tali replied, hands and eyes focused deeply on the quarian below her on the floor.

Shepard nodded and jerked herself back out, striding toward the only building no one had yet approached. Ironically enough the stupid door showed its holo-lock needed to be bypassed to enter, signaling Veetor's location at last. She brought up her omni-tool and hesitated. Jacob came over and quietly showed her how to bypass the door with it by using an installed app Miranda had previously uploaded. Naturally the stuck up woman had thought of everything long ago, having “suspected” Wilson.

The door slid open as Shepard thanked Jacob under her breath, embarrassed at her lack of knowledge of everything. How could she be in control, feel she could do it all, if she had to relearn so much?

Inside the single room were dozens of screens on the opposite wall from the door. Sitting in front of them was a quarian male, completely absorbed in the static. Shepard holstered her gun and quietly approached. They could hear him talking to himself repeatedly, whispering scared words about bugs and things coming for him. Shepard raised her omni-tool and, with a little hope, pressed the bypass button and swiped her arm across. The screens all paused, snapping the quarian out of his state.

“Veetor?” she said calmly as the quarian turned around in the chair, jittery and rubbing his hands together.

“Y-Yes?”

Shepard spoke slowly to him, but not insultingly slow. “I'm Shepard. I need to know what happened here. What happened to everyone? Why are you left?”

The quarian took in her squad mates, swallowed loudly over his mic, and turned his seat back around. He pointed up. “The swarms. They stop you. And then the others find you and take you. They took everyone. But not Veetor. No, not Veetor. I...hid. But they will come back for me. No one is left behind.”

“Shepard, it's only been human colonies hit,” Miranda reminded her as she stepped up and eyed the small bugs on one screen that had been magnified by the obsessive quarian youth. “They could be wired for human detection only.”

“Makes sense,” Shepard agreed, though she needed more evidence. More answers. “Veetor, I won't let anything take you. I promise.”

The quarian blinked a few times. “O-Okay.”

Jacob stared at the individual screens, one to the next, frowning. Suddenly Miranda gasped, startling everyone. “There! You see it?”

“Where?” Shepard demanded, eyes roving.

“There!” Miranda pointed up and to the left. A creature had been caught on camera pushing some large contraption with a human in it. The alien was tall with a huge sloping back head, an insectoid body, and what looked like wings on its back. “My God. I think it's a Collector.”

Oh  _fuck_. A giant, sentient, gun-toting  _bug_ thing. 

“A...what?” Shepard asked, completely lost and disturbed by the creature on the screen; she fought the inner responsive shudder at the _bug noises_ coming over audio. These people, these lost humans had been taken captive, stung and held still by the swarm things so that the nasty winged aliens could do what? What would they need so many people for? Those monsters had to have been a living nightmare for these poor people to see.

“Collector. You hear stories about 'em sometimes. Supposedly they make some quiet deals with people, like the Shadow Broker and whatnot, often for technology swapping. Supposed to live somewhere dangerous, somewhere hidden,” Jacob explained, eyes unnerved upon the fixed image of the alien abductor. “People grow up hearing about them like a bedtime story. So if they're real....”

Shepard swallowed deeply. “Okay. So...is it possible...someone or something is paying them or bartering for...humans?”

Miranda shifted her head and pointed at screens near the top of the ceiling that showed more of the large, four glowing-eyed aliens. “I...it could be.”

“Could they be helping the Reapers somehow?” Shepard wondered, completely unsure at this point. Having never heard of these aliens anyway, she had to honestly wonder if this wasn't some batarian plot. “What about the batarians?”

“Batarians hate us, but this is a bit much. And despite their love of sabotaging and whatnot, they tend to want us to know they've been the ones to hurt us. Whoever is behind this is...silent. Left no information.” Jacob shook his head angrily. “We have to figure this out.”

Shepard nodded lightly in agreement. Veetor spoke up, his omni-tool glowing on his arm. “I took some scans of those things...those swarms. Their readings are strange.”

“We need that data, Shepard,” Miranda warned, her tone low but sharp.

At the noticeable threat, Shepard steeled herself. “We're not taking him.”

Tali entered at that moment and put a hand on her gun. “What?”

“We need Veetor's data, Tali. That's all. I want you to take him home. He has been through a...a lot,” Shepard turned and said, sympathy in her eyes. “Just take him home.”

Tali let go of her gun and nodded, her eyes watching Miranda's as the human's narrowed in annoyance. “Veetor, I want you to send me a copy of everything you have on this. I will give them to Shepard.”

“O-Okay, Tali,” the male quarian answered softly as Tali helped him back to his feet. He played with his omni-tool, not paying attention to them.

Tali paused, her glowing eyes now on Shepard's face. She hesitated, torn. “Shepard...I...we need to talk about everything somehow.”

“I know. God, I know. When you send me the data, which please do it ASAP so I can get it studied, then we'll talk. Vids or something. Okay?” Shepard took a step forward and put a hand on her friend's arm. “I will tell you I did die. I was comatose until literally two days ago. I'm trying to find everyone on top of figuring this out as I've been asked by the people who saw fit to...fix me.”

“Fix you? Shepard....” Tali grabbed Shepard's fingers with hers, squeezing tightly. “You remember what they've done.”

Shepard blew out a breath, not letting go of her hand hold. “Yes. I do. And I'm not trusting a damn thing. Tali, did you...have you...heard anything about...Garrus? Cerberus hasn't been able to track him. He went ghost.”

Tali sucked in a breath of worry and squeezed harder. “Oh no. No, I haven't. _Keelah_ , Shepard, I'm sorry. The last message of mine he ever replied to was several months ago. He stopped communicating after he left Palaven.”

“So maybe Blackwatch,” Shepard murmured, thinking of just how the hell she'd get anyone in the Hierarchy to give her a location on him. Hell, maybe she'd have to go to the Shadow Broker himself, and if so, she would willingly do whatever she had to for his price.

Tali shrugged her shoulders in reply. “I have no idea, Shepard. But...he was not in good shape the last I saw him. Your...funeral hit him hard. I hope... _Keelah_ , I hope he is okay.”

Shepard's eyes widened as she felt them well with tears. Her jaw rocked back and forth as she kept herself from breaking down. They'd had a funeral for her...and they'd all been there. Garrus could be anywhere. He could be dead by now, shot by a merc on a job or living on a colony, trying to forget. “He never went Spectre?” she asked with one last hope to track him.

“I don't know, but I don't think so. He would have probably told me about it. He went back to C-Sec before you...spaced and said at the funeral he was going home. Something about it not being right without you, and not being sure about what to do anymore, that maybe Blackwatch or something would work out better where he wouldn't have so many painful memories.” Tali tilted her head. “Shepard....”

At this point Shepard had tears streaming down the corners of her eyes upon her cheeks. One dripped off her chin. She inhaled deeply through her mouth as she held on to Tali's hand before the quarian stepped forward, one hand on Veetor and the rest of her awkwardly hugging Shepard to her. Shepard put her face into Tali's shoulder and shook, absolutely terrified and feeling abandoned, broken-hearted for Garrus and her friends. The pair completely ignored the quietness behind her from the two Cerberus operatives.

“Shhh. I'm sure he's okay. You remember how strong he is, how resilient.” Tali soothed Shepard with her voice and leaned her helmet against Shepard's cheek.

“I...I hope so. But Tali, I...everyone...I'm so sorry. I want them to know. I want them to be okay. I can't fix it. I can't change the pain even if I'm here.” Shepard coughed and pulled back to wipe her face with her gloved hands.

Tali nodded understandingly. “They're okay. We grieved because you were our friend, our Commander. But they'll be okay, and they'll be happy to see you.”

“Maybe. I don't think anyone trusts me. I can't trust me.”

Tali put a hand on Shepard's armored shoulder. “Yes, you can. You're you. I knew that even when I wasn't sure. I just needed that confirmation, understandably. And they'll trust you, too. Shepard, when I can...I'll try to hook back up with you. I promise. I just have some very important things for the Floatilla first. Whatever this matter is...if you want my help, I'll try to give it to you, but it may take a bit of time.”

“I...thank you. Thank you so much.” Shepard hugged her dear friend one more time. “Be safe and let me know when you get on your ship and out of atmo. I'd appreciate it if you sent me the data before leaving if possible. We need it to do anything.”

“Got it. I will. Gonna get Veetor on the ship and move our bodies first, and I have to get our other survivor out of the nearby home.”

Shepard shook her head fiercely. “No. We will help with them.”

“Commander, we have things—”

“—I said we will help with them,” Shepard repeated over Miranda, not even looking at her. Tali only whispered back a thank you as she stepped out with Veetor. “We always take care of the dead if we can. Lesson number one.”

Jacob stepped by her as they exited, coming upon the few quarian bodies. “She's right, Miranda. The quarians are giving us the data. We should at least do this.”

“Fine,” Miranda said, surprisingly without an attitude. Shepard wondered if maybe the bodies themselves had silenced some of the protests.

It took a while, but they bagged the bodies with the material Tali brought from their ship and, using combined biotics of Miranda and Jacob, managed to lift each one slowly and carry it on board with Shepard holding it on one side and Tali on the other in case the biotics gave out. Shepard and Tali combined had helped the surviving male quarian walk up the ship ramp and get him inside where he could be helped by Veetor to a room. Afterward Tali held up her omni-tool and fuddled with it a few moments, then clicked it off. “I sent you the data. Let me...keep me posted, Shepard.”

“I will. Thank you, Tali.”

Tali merely sighed and waved a little as she closed her small ship's cargo entrance. “ _Keelah salai_ , Shepard.”

“ _Keelah salai_ ,” Shepard whispered back. She turned and motioned for the Cerberus duo to follow, her steps tracing back to their shuttle's location. When they got into it minutes later, she sat down heavily. “Get me off this fucking colony. I can't breathe here.”

“Sure thing, Commander,” Jacob replied and tapped on the door separating them from the pilot. They instantly felt the shuttle shift as it started up and lifted off the ground.

Shepard leaned her head back against the wall. “Thank you for helping with their dead. The good will we showed will pay off later if we can get Tali back, which we need to have happen. She has tech expertise like I've never seen anywhere else and we need it, especially if we have all these new mechs around.”

Miranda uncrossed her arms, eyes thoughtful and lips quirked a little as she studied Shepard's tired form. It was _almost_ a look of respect. “You _do_ think ahead.”

“Yes. But she is also my friend, and I need her for that, too...wanted to help for that reason, as well as it being the right thing to do.” Shepard sighed, rocked by the shuttle itself. “I have to think, and right now I don't know how. I don't know some of these new hacks and tech shit. You'll have to show me.”

“We can do that. No problem.”

“Thanks, Jacob.”

Miranda cleared her throat. “You'll need to eat and rest when we return. I'll brief the Illusive Man, and you can finish up when you wake. Your health is vital right now.”

“Fine.”

Awkward silence filled the shuttle for a while until Jacob broke it. “I...uh. I wish we could track the turian. I've heard he's a hell of a shot and good with guns and tech, too. Would come in handy, but....”

“He was better than that. He _is_ better than that. He's the only other person to match _me_ with a sniper rifle, and if you've remotely glanced at my record, you'll know that means everything.” Shepard closed her eyes, willing images of Garrus to appear. She revisited their kisses, a small smile on her face as she did so. God, she missed him, wanted him to know how she felt still. “And he's an amazing friend. They all were. But I'm aware enough to know I'm going to have to let them...go...except maybe Tali or something. I have dossiers hand picked out of who knows how many candidates. I have to trust these new people when we get them to get the job done.”

Jacob smiled. “Good. We'll get it done, Shepard. We're here to help.”

“Thanks.” Shepard cracked an eye open, looking at Miranda. “Just next time be faster with those Overloads.”

Miranda bit her lip, but then gave into the smirk. “Will do.”

 


	10. Overload

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new Normandy, holy fuck.  
> And a message, sent years ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter.  
> Oh, that letter hurt to write, I remember.
> 
> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

 

 

 

The Illusive Man tapped his seeming always-present cigarette as she spoke to him through the very cool, very new technology of quantum something. Honestly, Shepard had forgotten what it was called, especially since the last time they'd spoke she'd been too startled by being scanned. QV...C? Okay, to be really fair, she didn't give a shit so long as it worked.

“The scientist on one of the four dossiers we have so far, a salarian named Mordin Solus...he would be your best bet at dissecting this swarm data from the quarians. I'd recommend heading for Omega first thing. He's a doctor, too, which will help regardless of there already being a doctor on the ship we have assigned for you to use,” he continued, those weird blue modified eyes blinking at her.

Shepard crossed her arms. “Giving me orders already?”

“No. Just suggestions. This is your command, your pace. I have faith in you, Shepard. You got results with Saren, and you got them as fast as you could without sacrificing any one thing that could lead you to a clue.”

“Uh huh.”

The Illusive Man shrugged and took another drag of the cigarette. “However, Shepard, you should try have some faith in us. Give it a chance.”

“Yeaaaah, I don't know about that,” she replied, arms still crossed. “I saw too much before. I'm willing to clear me a debt and find the answer to this problem, kill what I have to kill, but trust is a whole other matter.”

“Understandable, but not all of Cerberus is the same. It can be explained to you later. For now, you have the four dossiers: Solus and a rebel turian merc known as Archangel on Omega, one for a krogan geneticist named Okeer and one for a biotic prisoner known as Subject Zero on the Purgatory ship. Details are included that we know, and in Subject Zero's case, further details about payment for removal off the ship are included. Also you should encounter a mercenary on Omega, a man named Zaeed. He's agreed to work for you in exchange for payment we have made. Supposed to meet you, and there should be a file in an email I've sent you with his information to contact if you don't find him right away.” The Illusive Man adjusted his position in his chair, looking dangerously polished and like he owned all the galaxy.

Shepard blinked, but uncrossed her arms. “Very well. I'll get it done.”

“Good. Once you have, let me know. We're digging more people up.”

“All right.”

“Oh, and Shepard? One last thing. I found a pilot I think you'll find very agreeable. Good luck.”

Shepard blinked as the connection disconnected and the scans flickered away from her again.

“Hey Shepard,” she heard softly from behind her.

Shepard froze up. There was no fucking way she'd heard that.

Slowly she turned until she was looking him in the eye. He kept his gaze, even though it obviously pained him. She could read the open guilt openly held there. “J-Joker?”

At her response he cracked a small smile. “Yeah. How about that.”

“Holy _shit,_ Jeff! Man, I'm so glad to see you!” Shepard exhaled and moved to him, pulling him into a hug and then easing up when she heard him wheeze and beg her not to break a bone. “Whoops. Sorry, Joker.”  
  
Joker shook it off and motioned for her to follow up the stairs. “Glad to see you again, Commander. When Cerberus contacted me that they were...bringing you back, I...well, I still worked for the Alliance, grounded for a bit for the investigation, but then trying to figure out reassignment. Nothing was getting done from their end about the disappearances, so hell yeah I quit and I joined Cerberus.”

“But Joker, don't you remember the shit we found?” she asked, a bit wowed that he'd switched so easily.

His sliding gaze caught her attention. “I...do. But they're not all bad. They brought you back. And they made another surprise for you, too.”

Shepard stopped him half way from the stairs to an observation window. Was his guilt so powerful he'd sold himself out on a whim? What if they had been unsuccessful in their project? “Don't you sign your life away, damn it. We can't be sure any of them can be trusted, even if they brought me back. I don't even trust myself at this point. Am I completely me? I feel like me, but how can I be sure, Joker?”

The pilot squirmed a little, but raised his head. His eyes were a bit wet, and he grit his teeth. “I should have died that day, Shepard. Joining now to support you? It's the least I can fucking do to make up for what was done.”

“Okay, Cripple. Look at me, right now.”

Joker stared at her, frustrated. Shepard softened her expression and grabbed his arms gently. Her green eyes locked on his hazel ones. “I. Do. Not. Blame. You.”

He shivered in her hold. Joker raged at her, but she knew it was really at himself. “How? How the FUCK can you not, Shepard?”

“Because, Joker. You hadn't meant for it to happen. It was an accident on your part and...murder by whoever attacked us. I blame them, and I intend to find out who the hell they are and tear them apart with your help. Don't lose that stubbornness. It might have been misguided then, but it sure as hell will be needed for this crap if you're coming with me,” Shepard replied softly.

“You sure you want me around, Shepard?” Joker asked, almost jokingly.

“Bet your brittle ass, I do. Can't do this without you, and I trust you as a pilot before anyone else. Got it, Joker?”

“...yes ma'am.”

“Atta boy.”

Joker paused and patted her shoulder awkwardly. “Thanks, Shepard.”

She smiled at him. “Anytime. Now what surprise have you got?”

Joker actually grinned now, looking much better. She felt relief. He waved her over to the window and gestured up at a nearby security camera. Slowly lights clicked on behind the window, revealing a humongous open area...and, bit by bit....

“You have got to be fucking _kidding me_ ,” Shepard whispered, completely awed—more awed than by the fact that she was even alive again.

Before them behind the window was a replica of the _Normandy_ , but at least a third bigger than before. It was gleaming silver with bits of gold and the Cerberus logo was on its side, but she ignored that. It was _her fucking ship._ Brand new. Beautiful. She owed the Illusive Man _one_ cigarette pack of gratitude in her attitude with him.

“See? Not all bad.”

“They can get points for this one, fine.”

“But not for reviving you?” he teased.

Shepard rolled her eyes. “Well, duh. So how much in the hole am I on this ship?”

“I heard it took around two billion to build,” he answered and eyed the gleaming ship with pride like she was.

“Jesus. I'm in debt four billion credits.”

Joker now rolled his eyes. “Shepard, pretty sure if you find out the answer to the abductions and kick its ass, they'll consider you square.”

“I have my doubts. But damn, ain't she beautiful.” Shepard glanced to him with a small smile. “Guess we better give her a name.”

Joker smiled wide. “Already done. It's the last thing to add before we take off, and they're about to lay it down now. We can head on in.”

“That name better be what I think it is.”

“Oh yeah.”

“Great. Let's get the hell out of here.”

Joker gestured toward the side door. “After you, Shepard.”

They exited the room, stopping to each grab a bag of gear from lockers they'd used. Miranda and Jacob met them by a docking tube with similar stuff. Shepard felt nervous and completely surreal. She was about to set foot on a duplicate ship, but it looked like hers all the same. Her home, more or less, as she'd grown up on ships her whole life as a spacer kid. It just...wouldn't be the same. Not without a moody, but smirking red krogan, a nervous and kind asari, a grumpy but goodhearted weapons chief, a very talented quarian engineer, an amazingly generous LT, and...one hell of an amazing turian. Not without the Alliance crew working diligently for them, either. At least she had Joker, though she could only hope his emotional scars would heal soon.

The crossed through, and she glanced out little side windows to see crews working with helmets and floating lifts on the side of the ship, inking in the name: _Normandy_. As she should be named, Shepard thought and took one last breath before she crossed into the airlock.

It hissed shut after everyone entered, then went through a shorter, but more intense decontamination phase than the previous ship had had. The door to the ship opened softly, and Shepard took her first steps out, surprised at all the leather swivel pilot and support staff seating. To her immediate left was Joker's cockpit, only upgraded with more screens and considerations. Joker even ooh'd behind her as he stepped closer, inspecting a little. Shepard pulled away and walked down the main path toward the CIC and galaxy map, marveling at how much bigger everything felt. Some Cerberus clad people stopped what they were doing and saluted her, waiting to be given orders.

Shepard sat her bag down at her feet, still taking in the room and nodding at them. She moved to speak when a disembodied voice greeted her. “Hello, Commander Shepard. Welcome aboard.”

“Uh. Hi. Who are you?” she asked, whipping her head to look around.

A small holo-looking circular figure appeared in front of her on some tech paneling, right at the front of where the two pointed curved lines that grew from the galaxy map met. “I am EDI, a defensive AI aid built into the new _Normandy_. I am here to help your mission.”

Shepard immediately froze, as did Joker next to her from having come to inspect the holo-thing that had popped up. An AI? What was Cerberus thinking? An AI was what had tried to kill all of them before with the geth. AI were dangerous, like that one that shot rocket drones at her on the fucking Moon.

Still...something in Shepard's gut quieted her internal protests and kept her calm. Something said to trust this voice.

“There are locks in my programming. I'm...aware of stigmatization, but also that you are still recuperating and learning differences in the ships. I will answer any questions you may have, and I have terminals in most rooms and levels of the ship, Commander. I am here to help.” The AI tried again, voice sounding with some sort of emotion, yet it felt like it was locked away somehow.

Shepard tilted her head in thought. “How can you help with defensive stuff?”

“I can help Pilot Moreaux with alerts, calibrations, and many other things. Together we can respond quickly to threats and monitor surroundings. It gives more 'eyes' as the saying goes. I could explain my processing rate if you wish, along with other statistics and figures.”

“No thanks. But...why use both, even for more eyes? Why not use another person then?” Shepard asked, curious but without any rudeness.

The AI flickered a second. “Because humans are still able to have an element of unpredictability in being organic. The combination together should result in a much higher success rate.”

“Ah. I see.” She turned to Joker who had reddened, insulted probably. “Looks like you've got a co-pilot.”

“Yeah. I see that all right.” Joker grumbled and shifted away, walking toward the elevator. “I'm finding a bunk, Shepard. See you in the mess.”

“Aye aye,” Shepard replied. She glanced back to the still visible holo of the AI. “You are, uh, dismissed from the terminal until further need.”

“Very well, Commander. You may reach me by voice alone, as well, if you'd like using the comm systems. I also have some visual cameras in case of any attacks or anyone in need of aid,” the female voice answered as the blue holo flickered out.

Shepard frowned as Miranda walked past her. “Cameras?”

“Investment, Commander,” she merely said and shrugged.

“Yeah. I don't think so. We'll see about them later. For now, I want a layout of this ship and a plan for what comes next once we have to go ahead from the garage. Suggestions?”

Jacob hefted his bags over his shoulders. “Yeah. The salarian. It just seems like the best idea to get him working on the data faster. Maybe with his help we can modify some equipment, too.”

“STG background? That's what I was thinking.” Shepard nodded toward him in agreement. “Settled then. I'll plot a course once we're green. For now, Miranda, if you'd like to give me a tour, I'd appreciate it.”

“Of course, Commander,” Miranda replied and gestured as she picked up her bags. “There is a lab for Solus to work in up on our left. In the middle is the elevator. On our right is the armory where Jacob will be working on our guns and armor. There is a connecting hall behind the two that leads to a comm room where the Illusive Man may be reached. Follow me to the elevator. We can walk through everything later, if you want.”

Shepard picked her bag up, following, eyes roaming everything. She noticed the three civilian Cerberus people still standing there, uncertain. “Dismissed back to your duties,” she called out an saw relief pass through them.

Miranda opened the elevator's door and entered, beckoning Shepard to follow. Once inside she showed her the different floor levels. “Two is the CIC. Three is the mess, battery, my office, the medlab, bunks, and some observation wings with windows. Four is engineering with a subdeck and cargo holds on port and starboard sides. Five is the actual cargo hold with the shuttles.”

“And one?” Shepard asked, eyeing the number on the wall.

“One...is your new private quarters, Commander. You'll find everything you need up there,” Miranda replied and shifted in her heels. “You can go on there if you'd like. I need to settle into my office, and you're welcome to walk around if you want.”

“Fine.” Shepard pressed the one and Miranda pressed the three. The elevator went up first, following Shepard's input. It went faster than the previous elevator, thankfully, but Shepard's mind wasn't on that so much as it was the fact that this ship had five levels. Five. That was just insane.

The elevator dinged and she exited, heaving her bag out. Up to her left diagonally a bit was a door. “Okay. Well. Thanks. I'll catch up with you later and go over the details for recruiting Solus.”

“Sounds good, Commander. Enjoy the cabin.” Miranda nodded as the doors closed.

Shepard shook her head. “Was she just...nice to me? Nah.”

Thankfully the door wasn't locked yet, but she did lock it behind her after entering the room. Her jaw dropped a little as she let go of her heavy bag and it thudded to the floor.

It was much bigger than her previous captain quarters with a full bed, separate desk working area and more. To her left along a wall was a huge fish tank just...sitting there. She grinned to herself, feeling almost stupid but excited. She wanted to get fish immediately to put in there. Like some pets she could watch as she fell to sleep. Brilliant. Of course Cerberus was probably going for mood and chic crap, but she was just stupidly happy at the idea of some living creatures in here with her breaking up the loneliness.

To her right by the wrap around desk area was a bathroom, with its own private shower. Oh hell yes.

Shepard stepped down the few steps toward the part with the large bed to also find a couch, coffee tables, and an armor adjustment console flickering on the wall. “They really thought of everything,” she said to herself, a bit impressed, and considered the bed for a second. She needed a shower, but sleep sounded so tempting.

For the next while she put everything in her bag away, which mostly consisted of a few pairs of work clothes, generic night clothes and underwear, and her under armor suit. Her armor would be put on downstairs in the armory, but she was glad she could privately make adjustments up here that would get to Jacob for him to tweak. With a sigh she sat on the bed, surprised to find it comfortable, much more than her previous one had been, but a little stiffer still than she would have liked for sleeping so much on. She snapped off her boots and rolled her socks off, stretching her feet after. With a little wriggle she fell back upon the bed and looked up to the ceiling, staring at it for a few minutes.

She just wanted to find a rhythm again. She wanted to get everything straightened out, optimized and good to go for this dangerous and mysterious objective. Though she still had minor doubts about the Reapers, they were the only group who made any sense as possible contacts for these Collectors. And the Collectors themselves were just terrifying looking. _Fucking bugs,_ was the universe serious?She wasn't looking forward to encountering them, and she had a very bad feeling that she was going to get to know them well.

If only she wouldn't be around so many strangers, so many people without trust. Just Joker and maybe Tali later. But maybe it wouldn't be so bad. After all, her crew before had started out as strangers and after going through the run for Saren they had grown to be more than a crew—they had all come to be friends.

So she'd hold out hope and a little wiggle room of faith for these new folks, keep an open door and an incentive to get to know them. It would be perfect if she could find Garrus now, though. She tried imagining his response to her showing up, saying that guess what, she'd found them a new cause and a new ship and they could go save the galaxy again. He'd probably just shake his head and board the ship without hesitation, or so she hoped. In her fantasy he came to her and held her close like he had the last time she had seen him. She imagined bringing up her last message topic to him, too.

With a jolt Shepard shot up on the bed and brought up her omni-tool. It was a different make and model from her older chip implant, of course, _but_ her account settings should still be possible to reload previous saves, messages and files. Shit had been too crazy since she woke up to even check the stupid thing and know, but now she had to look, had to see. After fiddling with it for several minutes, she exclaimed excitedly as it rebooted, she entered her encryption, and it loaded all of her past information.

“Oh fuck yes,” she whispered and flipped through menus, looking for messages.

She had several unread messages, many of them spam. After a new filter was added, there were still a ton left, but they seemed to be replies to things she'd sent right before death. That kind of stuff. However one message caught her attention. It was dated six months after her death, and it was from Garrus. Shepard stopped breathing as she pressed for it to open.

 

_Athena,_

_I know it's stupid to send this. You'll never see it, so it's pointless, really. But I...I guess I have to do it for me. I need to get this crap off of my chest before it kills me inside completely. I need to breathe again._

_Worst first: I didn't know you'd died for a few days. Anderson had waited until Joker arrived to tell me so Joker could be there, and Chellick of all people had gotten assigned to escorting Joker because of the investigation stuff. With you having been a Spectre, there was this weird cross examination of the incident and evidence by a board posted by the Council and the Alliance. Of course they said it was geth, and I got angry. Since when have geth ships done_ anything _like that? Beam weaponry, like Joker recounted? Smells like cover up. They also decided that Sovereign was just Saren's ship, a_ geth _ship, and that it was just a rogue Spectre with an army of geth. They won't tell anyone about the Reapers. I can't handle it anymore—this need for blind stupidity makes me want to punch every diplomat I can. What they're saying disrespects your memory and everything we have done. We saved the fucking galaxy, A. They can't lie to me._

_Anyways,...when I found out about you, it tore me apart. Don't, um, don't worry. I've not been needing serious help or anything, but I have been struggling. I've never grieved this intensely before. I don't know how to handle it, Shepard. I almost killed Joker that day, but Anderson was able to get through to me before I broke his neck. Sorry if that pisses you off; I was just so in shock and angry because he kept saying it was his fucking fault._

_After it sunk in that the nightmare was real, I realized then that I shouldn't have waited to talk to you. I shouldn't have agreed to do my own training. I should have stayed with you, like my gut said that day you left. Maybe if I had you'd still be alive, messaging me. It's all supposition, but it's all I think about, too. Maybe I could have helped you, maybe I could have saved you. Maybe we'd be together somewhere on a ship now or on the Citadel. Because if so, if I had been there to save you, you'd be stuck with a turian on board again._

_I met your mother at the funeral. She was very nice to me; never had a human care if I was doing all right—a stranger, I mean. I think she liked me, but I'm not sure if she just was being respectful, too, given the circumstances. But she said you talked about me a lot, good things, and that made me feel better. I didn't know how to tell her I cared about her daughter without scaring her maybe, so I...just said you were the best friend I ever had in my life. That you meant a lot. I hoped it came across somehow._

_Athena, I know I never said some things, and I know we were gonna talk about them. I was so worried about spooking you as you were me, probably, that we just...took a bit longer than we should have. And I will always regret that we didn't get the chance. I just want you to know that...despite it all...I still care about you and your memory. I dream about you all the time, hear you talking to me and playing cards, and sometimes even...kissing me again. I wish I could have done that to you one last time, but I couldn't even...I couldn't even tell your body goodbye, not with the symbolic casket since you'd spaced and no one knows where your remains fell yet. There are people still searching, last I know, and Spirits, it fucking kills me to know you're just out there somewhere all alone. I hate it, like I hate everything else. I'm so sorry. If I could find you myself, I would. I'm thinking about trying soon, somehow. I can't stand this not knowing. You deserve better than this._

_I miss you every day and probably always will. It's like this large hole in my life, if that makes sense. In just that short time you changed my life. You literally changed my life, and all for the better except for your death. I got more confidence in myself, more strength. I cooled my temper, learned some out-of-the-box thinking. I was ready to begin Spectre training and be with you, side by side. And I know I'm probably letting you down, and it hurts to do it, but I...can't go through the training. Not even for your memory. It hurts too much. I'm sorry. I will still go out and do some good for the galaxy. I swear._

_And maybe someday, if I'm lucky maybe fighting Reapers or something then I'll...pass on, and find you wherever we all go. 'Cause I really, really hope we all have a collective afterlife if we have anything at all or I'm gonna be super pissed off at not finding you even after death. And if that happens, I'm gonna haunt the hell out of every one of those Councilors. So, I hope that you'll find a bar in Heaven, so I read it's called for you, or whatever and meet me whenever I check out. I'm gonna try not to expedite the date on that meet-up, but I can't guarantee anything. I worked out some plans tonight to finally put myself to some purpose, and I can't tell anyone what they are without my family trying to stop me. But I promise I'm gonna do some of that good I mentioned in a place that really needs it._

_We're going to have that talk whenever I die. Maybe then we'll get to say what we need to say to one another. My best friend would want me to live life, enjoy it, but right now I can't. No random female in a bar is gonna fix this. Face it, Shepard, there aren't any like you were for me...or maybe even like me for you; hope that's not arrogant to say. That's why it's been so difficult: Once I actually opened my mind to the idea, actually considered an interspecies thing with you, it just...stuck. Spirits, even Chellick's noticed—he thought we might have been more involved, too. So I was a bit embarrassed to admit we hadn't been and that maybe I was just crazy to have gotten so needy or something, but I don't know. I'm trying to figure this out, like I've been trying for so long, since the first time I saw you when you gave me sympathy in my own body language._

_Maybe you were it, my_ one _to figure out; I mean, I'd...never just date a human for the newness or whatever. I...wanted to try with you because you're so special to me. I've never felt this...this need to be there for a female before, to want things. To see you smile and hear you laugh and know it was because of me. It's something I can't explain, but it's strong and raw. I'll never know for sure what could have been, I guess, until I meet you in death someday. Again, I miss you. I can't state that enough, A. I bet you miss me, too, if you can feel anything at all wherever you are. Just keep watching over me. Guide me. Be with me somehow, even if it's just in my dreams. I'll see you there._

_You'll always be in my thoughts, Shepard._

_Miss you, A.,_

_Garrus_

 

Shepard sobbed loudly, unable to hold back her grief.

She snapped the holo interface shut with a flick of her wrist and buried her face in one of the nearby large pillows, just needing to get it out.

All of it.

The fact that she had fucking _died_ , that she had left behind so many people and they had suffered.

And she knew now without doubt that she _had to find him_. He had to be told she was still alive. Somehow, someway, she was going to make Cerberus find him. Even if it took giving in to stupid shit and shifting her allegiances. She'd give anything to find him. She just only hoped that whatever he'd gone to do, wherever he'd gone to fulfill his promise to her, that he was okay and breathing and successful.

And happy.

She wanted him happy, and yeah, it killed her to admit if he had moved on some or found someone to ease the pain with that it was more than understandable, considering they'd never been officially involved. But...she hoped. God she hoped he was out there, single and completely unaware that she was coming for him.

She cried for quite sometime, not registering a concerned conversation between a woman outside her door and EDI, the AI. Finally she quieted enough to hear the soft knocking.

Shepard wiped her eyes, knowing they were very red and going to give her away regardless. She unlocked the door and was face to face with a soft, orange-headed woman with a beautiful smile. “Hello, Commander. My name is Kelly Chambers.”

“Hi...Ms. Chambers.”

“Please, call me Kelly. May I enter? EDI pinged me and said you might need some aid.”

Shepard glanced toward the silent AI terminal, unsure if she should be furious or thankful. She went with the latter. “All right. Come in.”

Kelly entered and walked down to the couch, sitting with her back to the office area above her. Shepard sat on the edge of the bed with a deep sigh. “Commander, I was assigned to this ship for this mission specifically. While I am serving as your yeoman, I am also going to be observing the crew and squad. This mission is extremely stressful, and if we do have to go after the Collectors, it could well become suicidal somehow. Mental health and stability is thus extremely important for our success. I have a psychology degree and will be watching for any signs of serious distress among those on the ship. I'd be more than happy to hold sessions for those who need and ask.”

Shepard blinked and looked back to EDI's terminal. Not only had the AI noted Shepard had been suffering emotionally, she hadn't called on an actual doctor, but the psychologist on board. Why? Was it simple programming? Curious, but trying to focus, she nodded back to Kelly. “Okay. Good to know.”

“Are you all right? I can't imagine all the stress you have from the last few days, let alone what is all to come. Please, you can talk. I'd love to listen,” Kelly kindly said with her smile.

“I, uh. I died, so that's something to get past.”

“Absolutely, but how does one get past that? It might take a long time, but don't be discouraged if so. And if your dreams or thoughts get too stressful, let me know. I might be able to find you some medicines to help.”

“Okay.”

“Would you like to talk about it?”

Shepard paused, eyes on her arm where her omni-tool was implanted. She debated her trust. “I...don't know you, and even being my assigned shrink doesn't make it any better. No offense.”

Kelly held up a hand in understanding. “None taken, I completely get that. I know you have a history of mistrust with Cerberus, and I do hope Miranda is able to set aside or reduce many of those issues when you get the chance to talk. But I promise you the Illusive Man does not have access to any notes I may make to help you. It would be extremely unprofessional.”

“Yet he has an AI with cameras everywhere and God knows how many probable bugs planted, too.”

Kelly gave her a mixed look of agreement and uncertainty. “Security feeds. Bugs, I don't know about.”

“I'm not naïve,” Shepard softly replied as she restrained her anger.

“No you are not. You're highly intelligent.” Kelly smiled again, and it seemed she was going to just be one of those disgustingly chipper people that drove Shepard nuts. “Please, I'd love to listen. EDI stated your stress levels had severely increased earlier.”

Shepard rolled her eyes. “I had a moment, okay? Haven't been able to have one yet.”

“Not a problem. EDI was merely concerned for you.”

“She's programmed to be.”

“Yes and no. She is programmed to monitor and correct imbalances, fix any problems possible that are relevant. But she, being an AI, has her own intelligence and was worried.”

Shepard raised a brow and glanced back to the blank terminal. “Hm.”

“So you vented?”

“I...had a momentary breakdown. Just everything hitting me.”

“Death, the abductions?”

“And the Collectors and having no one I know but Joker. Hoping I can even function through all this.”

Kelly nodded and lifted herself to sit on one of her legs on the couch. “Of course. There is much to overwhelm you at this time and that may continue. But hopefully through our discussions and some workouts we can reduce a bit of the edge for functionality.”

Shepard shrugged, feeling awkward.

“Is there anything else you'll be wanting to talk about in our chats?”

“I...maybe.”

“All right. What is it?”

“I, uh, got a message,” Shepard admitted and gestured to her implant. “Sent to me after my death by someone very close to me. His last words and closure kind of thing. It...tore me up, but I needed it, too. Needed to have his words.”

Kelly leaned her head back and to the side, sympathetic. “I see. I am sorry that it must have been so emotionally difficult to read, too. Did it help a lot?”

“Yes, but I...if he's still alive, finding him would help most. Letting him know I'm alive. He should know,” Shepard explained, spreading her palms.

“Perhaps we can use resources to locate him.”

“I hope so. Cerberus has already tried and failed.”

“Oh. Well, maybe they'll find him if they keep looking. Who is this person?”

Shepard stilled. “A...very close friend.”

Kelly smiled. “Ah. I see. Then I do hope they find him soon. It would be great to reunite with him, yes?”

“Life-saving, probably.”

“Then I definitely hope he is located. Okay, so we have quite a topic list, though we can continue to add to it, of course. We can sit now for an appointment, or later in the night cycle if you wish. Miranda mentioned you may have erratic sleep patterns for a few days as you adjust,” Kelly explained and leaned forward. “I'd be glad to help anytime something comes up. Just let me know. I wanted to at least check on you and introduce myself right now, and I understand if you feel too pressured at the moment to really talk.”

“Thanks.”

Kelly rose and extended her hand. Shepard took it, still not quite sure about this human woman. Chambers only smiled at her reassuringly as they strolled toward the cabin door. “Be sure to get some food soon; Gardner has been itching to meet you, as has our Doctor, though I've heard that you've met before.”

“Huh? All right. Thanks.”

“Anytime, Commander.”

Confused by her comment, Shepard also got a ping on her omni-tool just after Chambers left the cabin. Her mouth opened in surprise, and she started laughing, unable to do anything else in mild relief. It was a small message, from Karin Chakwas, telling her to get her butt downstairs for a check up as soon as possible...and also that she'd been extremely missed. Shepard made for her boots and tied them back on, pausing only briefly by EDI's terminal to whisper a hushed thank you before she jogged to the elevator, itching to get to yet another trusted and loved friend.

 


	11. Pisshole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

 

 

Shepard, for once, found that she agrees with Miranda about something.

Omega _was_ a pisshole.

Just leaving the fucking docking tube had them already stopped by a salarian thug trying to nose her around and then a batarian fighting _that_ thug and ordering her to meet with Aria. Then, less than fifteen feet beyond _that_ , she discovered Zaeed Massani, the merc the Illusive Man had mentioned, beating the shit out of some batarian bounty.

Zaeed stood fairly tall, thicker muscled, with graying hair, a big ass rifle, and a huge scar over one eye. Shepard was mildly surprised at his age, being a merc and all.

“Is that really necessary?” Shepard asked, red brows drawn downward.

Zaeed shrugged, his strange blind, injured eye reflecting in the neon lighting around. “Maybe not for you, Princess.”

“I'm Shepard. Don't call me Princess.”

“Zaeed Massani.” The merc laughed then, his smoky heavy voice not all that bad to hear. “Fair enough, I suppose. Besides, you and I have business to discuss. I've already been paid to join. Just need to speak with you about my favor I requested.”

“What favor?” Shepard wondered aloud, definitely not remembering anything like that in the message.

Even Miranda raised a brow.

The poor bastard on the ground made the mistake of moving, no doubt hoping to use the conversation as distraction to run, and only got Zaeed's bullet in his leg for the effort.

“Right, guess that means Cerberus didn't say shit to you. We'll talk later, then; I've got to turn _this_ thing in,” Zaeed's lip wrinkled.

Shepard rolled her eyes and gestured behind her for their dock, sweeping past the merc with Miranda and Jacob and stared around, shocked by how _slummy_ the entire vibe was.

Red lighting against the neon of Afterlife's sign, heavy stale smells of the forced oxygen circulation, and stinky pollution in general pervaded the air against her senses, and Shepard's stomach turned just enough for her to think that maybe Dr. Chakwas _wasn't_ crazy when she'd said for Shepard to expect some stronger bodily responses to things since her surgeries.

Nonetheless, Omega _was_ a mining zone in an asteroid with nothing but gangs, crime, and poor folks trying to make it on their own. She supposed she was dumb to expect anything else but exactly what she saw.

They argued with a few spectators, listened to the warnings of a nearby cute turian guard about vorcha, which prompted Shepard to look at her new squad to ask just _what_ the fuck vorcha even were. She'd heard of them once or twice in the past, but she'd never _actually_ seen any before. The turian's mandibles fell a bit in shock at her question, and that wasn't a good sign at all for how she'd be fitting in around here.

One terrifying description and holo-search later on Miranda's omni-tool had Shepard mildly scarred for life.

 _Too many teeth_ , she thought. Way too many teeth.

 

 

\-----------------------------

 

 

“That's close enough, _Commander_.”

“So you're Aria,” Shepard boldly said, impressed by the cool, collected asari before her. Admittedly, the alien _looked_ and _sounded_ as badass as she probably no doubt was in her heels, skin-tight pants, white jacket, black cut-off gloves and attractive facial markings. “Rule Omega, or so I hear.”

Aria stood, smiled in a way that made Shepard's fine hair on her neck stand, and said as she spread her arms, “I _am_ Omega, and I know _exactly_ who you are, Shepard.”

Shepard took the offered seat next to Aria as the asari sat down, waving her hand. Her nose twitched at the smell of cigarette smoke from the nearby batarian guard and the overall stink from the patrons dancing and drinking below in Afterlife.

Hell, the noise was so loud she was lucky to even hear Aria talk this closely.

“I saw you scan me when I came up,” Shepard commented, glancing to the batarian nearby who'd run the scan.

“Had to be sure. Lot of ways to look like others these days.”

“Disgusting, but good to know.” Shepard leaned forward, hands together over her knees. “I hear you're the one I go to for questions if I have problems.”

Aria's smirk was answer enough.

Shepard shrugged, able to roll with it. Not like she had much choice, anyway. “I want some information about two people—a salarian named Mordin Solus and a turian merc called Archangel. I need them for my own reasons.”

“Damn. Interesting duo to _need_ , Shepard,” Aria sighed and crossed one knee over the other, hands resting against her stomach. “Alright. I'll tell you some of what I know. Solus is in the wards near the apartments; he's set up some clinic to deal with a plague we have going on. From what I hear humans can't catch it, and isn't _that_ worth fucking noting.”

“A _plague_?” Shepard asked, shocked. Instantly her brain wracked with figures about the population size that might be effected, even if one _did_ remove the human number from it. “He's trying to help?”

“Yeah, there's a quarantine and all. Mordin's probably curing it. Fucker's crazy, just as liable to shoot you as he is to help. S'why I like him.”

“And this Archangel?”

“Thorn in every ass, but amusing to me _so far_. He's managed to get all three of our biggest players turned against him by being a goody-goody. Brave or stupid, one of the two. Probably both,” Aria laughed snidely, shrugging her shoulders and glancing Shepard over. “Don't know much about him, except that he appeared, carved a niche against the rest and has since done enough damage that the Blue Suns are recruiting downstairs for some big move against him in the next few days. Best move fast on him if you want him, Shepard. He won't have long.”

Shepard blew out her breath, running a game plan through her head. If Archangel had a few days before possibly getting wiped out and Solus was dealing with a plague, the priority was clear. And she could work fast with an organizer like Miranda, or so she hoped. Besides, she could find a way to get herself and her squad possibly recruited through the Blue Suns after dealing with the plague victims.

“Well, thanks for the time and info. Very helpful.”

“Return the favor sometime, if anything interesting comes across your nose,” Aria subtly demanded, the implication crystal clear.

While it grated against Shepard's need to just get through shit and do the right thing, she had to admit she _did like_ something about this bitch of an asari running the place, and she walked away, red brow rising as Aria called out that she clearly needed to get a good fuck under her belt.

“No kidding,” Shepard muttered, annoyed.

She just didn't know _where he was_.

“So, Solus first?” Miranda asked down at the bar where they stand after, debating.

Shepard nodded as she paid for a purchase for Chakwas. “Yep. Gotta help anyone we can in those slums. Scope the situation out. Five hundred credits says it's worse than just some sniffles, with all these gangs about.”

Jacob laughed and cracked his neck. His dark eyes glanced to Miranda's blues once before settling back over Shepard knowingly. “Think I'm gonna like you, Shepard.”

“Good. Think I'm gonna like you, too,” Shepard grinned and carried her purchase in a bag back toward the airlock.

Two hours later Shepard was nearly ready to take back her words as the new squad grumbled at each bit of her investigative nosiness around Omega. She walked them around shops, bought some upgrade purchases, haggled with an elcor merchant named Harrot and even shamed the asshole by supporting the poor quarian, Kenn, who'd been working in a shit situation _for_ Harrot.

The quarian had simply stuttered out his thanks for her freeing him from Harrot's debt, shocked that she'd additionally paid his ticket fee and softly told him, “Go home. Just get the hell out of here before it eats you alive.”

At least the cute sounding quarian guy was grateful enough to drop some major discounts on his own items for her.

And it wasn't long after that that Shepard saw her first vorcha.

“Holy _fuck_ , wow,” she whispered, drinking a group of them in, the artist in her begging for a scrap of paper and a pen to get the strange stretched limbs, teeth and joints drawn down. “They sound so _raw_ when they talk.”

Jacob noticed where she was looking and nodded. “Totally. Dangerous as pilots though. Really good. Don't underestimate them for their sometimes stupidity.”

Shepard's brows popped up in thought.

They took a few turns past a preaching batarian and found a turian with a gun preventing a human woman from entering some apartments.

“Hey, asshole, humans are immune, _and_ I want my stuff before some looters take it!”

“What is going on here?” Shepard demanded, not even thinking about how rude it might be to just walk into it, the _Commander_ in her so fucking ingrained at this point. “Sir, you got some info?”

The turian sighed in relief at seeing her, eyes raking over her armor and the big fucking grenade launcher decompressed against her back. “Plague quarantine. No one goes in or out until the Blue Suns sort it.”

“Sounds like you're not going anywhere,” Shepard said to the woman now glaring at her with her arms crossed. “There's probably gun-happy mercs all over the place, if they're not coughing to death.”

“A human who _gets it_ , thank the Spirits. Yes. It's a shit situation,” the turian replied and nodded.

Shepard hummed, glanced to Miranda's raised brow. “So...what if _I'm_ a gun-happy person in there, too, trying to get to one Mordin Solus? That work for you, buddy?”

The turian gaped. “Seriously? C'mon, I was just starting to like you, lady.”

“Seriously. I wanna help get this sorted, and I need Solus for something else.”

“Well....” His eyes went back to the guns she and her squad were loaded with, and he reluctantly shrugged. “All right. I'll radio ahead that you're coming. You die, it's on you.”

“Awesome.”

“What the fuck? You're letting _them_ in now?” the other human protested, furious.

The turian snickered. “Lady, _you_ don't have the grenade launcher on your back.”

Shepard held back her laugh as the squad went around his small barrier.

Jacob glanced to her once. “We doin' this now, Shepard?”

“You heard him. _Plague_. We wait until tomorrow, and more people die. At least we're supplied, now,” Shepard grunted and waved for them to follow. “Let's go.”

 


	12. The Slums and The Cure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

“I didn't think it was possible for these streets to smell worse,” Miranda grumbled as they made their way past some Blue Suns guards.

The open streets between apartments were empty and bereft of any sort of life Shepard would normally expect them to have. Even taking into account illness spreading and just _what_ it might mean for the Blue Suns to _really_ be doing here controlling it all, Shepard was nonetheless _horrified_ at the piles of burning bodies tossed together haphazardly in a few areas of the streets.

“Jesus _Christ_ ,” she gasped, hand over her mouth to breathe. “Blue Suns have no goddamn sanitation tact, apparently. There's no one even guarding this shit, no water in case it spreads!”

Jacob's lip curled up as he shook his head next to Shepard, pistol in his hand since they'd gotten past the barriers. “It's not surprising. They're mercs wanting money.”

“Ugh,” Shepard spat and strode forward as far away from the sight of the burning flesh as possible.

They explored carefully, shot a few looters who shot at _them_ first, and Shepard's mind jumped to help the second she saw the lone batarian struggling on the ground, unable to breathe.

“Hey, woah, hold on! Let me help you.”

“Get away! Humans...did... _this_ to me, to all of us!”

Shepard caught the quick sneer across Miranda's features, rolled her eyes, and crouched before the batarian as he collapsed more, desperately reaching for his pistol nearby. “Look, buddy, I wanna help you. There's a clinic in here, run by Mordin Solus. You let me give you some medi-gel now, clear out some mercs in the way, and you can get there on your own. Let them help you, too.”

“I don't _believe_ you!” the batarian coughed, blood spitting over his fangs.

Shepard activated the medi-gel dispensary on her suit and sent some across his throat and hands, telling him to rub it over some additional wounds he'd gotten from looters.

“Believe me now?”

“Maybe,” he said, sounding stronger already as he shoved shakily to his feet.

“Tell me what's going on.”

“Blue Suns locked everyone up, sick or not. Demanded fees. Vorcha everywhere...humans looting. Vorcha and humans not sick, but the rest of us are. Clearly humans at fault. Vorcha too stupid.”

Shepard sighed, hoping _really_ hard that that wouldn't turn out true. “Can you make it to the clinic if I clear a path?”

“Yes. Thank you...human,” the batarian murmured, finally seeming calmer and honestly grateful with his large, dark four eyes.

Shepard made sure he was stable before moving on ahead, sniping two looters before they could shoot Jacob in front with their own sniper.

Together they scoured the area, clearing the path she promised, and along the way discovered some things...like audio logs of dead turians and batarians verifying exactly what the ill batarian had described in the Blue Suns extortion and controlling racket. They also stumbled across a human couple still in their apartment, afraid to leave, and Shepard told them the same thing she had the batarian—follow, if they could.

Thankfully she got to spare _one_ set of looters that gave up when she and Jacob both blew up on the humans digging through an apartment with its dead turian owner still on the fucking ground nearby.

Once Shepard got further in, she began to realize how honestly dark the situation was.

For one, Blood Pack members showed up to move in on the weakened Blue Suns' territory and began shooting at _her_. The _fuckers_.

For two, they had _varren._

For three, they had _krogan_ and lots of them.

Shepard utilized every ability she had, making the most out of that amazing cloak, and sniped the hell out of them from a higher room while her squad contained the situation from below.

Her rounds cracked through skulls, tore through varren hide, and knocked krogan backward, and all she could think about was how fucking _much_ she missed Garrus, wanted him in her comm warning her and shooting with that loud _crack_ of his own gun.

By the time they finally got to the damn clinic, they'd left a trail of blood in their wake.

Mechs and armed guards patrolled around the clinic and let them in, only when Shepard explained who she was and why she was there sufficiently enough.

Shepard walked into one room, found it empty, and crossed the hall.

There she found him, Mordin Solus, rattling off his thoughts aloud.

He talked faster than any other salarian she'd ever heard. He was missing part of one of the horn-like shapes to the top of his head. And he was _older_ ; wrinkles lined near his mouth and tired large eyes, stark with the white and red of his skin.

Shepard stared at him while he looked her squad over, chanting out his observations faster and faster as he determined their identity without them even speaking yet.

“Mordin Solus? I'm Shepard, Commander Shepard. My crew and I are with Cerberus, and we need your help.”

“My help? Cerberus desperate, then. Hatred of aliens _well_ known.”

Shepard crossed her arms, sympathetic. “Yeah, I'm working a special case. Ignore them, work for me. And they _are_ this desperate. We've got entire colonies going dark, thousand of people getting rounded up in odd stasis fields by what we think are Collectors.”

Mordin blinked, hands frozen over his work. “Collectors. _Interesting_.”

“So...you in?”

“Must fix situation here. Cure prepared, needs distributed. Vents available, but deep in vorcha territory,” Mordin explained. “Money on vorcha as distributors of virus. Immunity, motive, but not creator _of_ virus. Collectors, maybe. Tech enough, money enough, dangerous enough.”

“All right, Mordin. I'll go vent the cure out. These people need your help, your focus,” Shepard said and tossed her thumb over her shoulder. “Sent a few to follow me, too. Sick batarian and some scared humans needing protection.”

“Good, good. Will take care of them. Watch for my assistant, will you? Daniel. Human.”

Shepard shared a mutual nod with the salarian and left, grabbing extra medi-gel in case of more plague survivors. Miranda and Jacob discussed the lively doctor behind her as she went out a different exit, pistol out and ready.

More Blood Pack, this time _with vorcha_.

By the time she fought her way toward the ventilation rooms, Shepard was sweating heavily and low on ammo, snagging clips off of dead mercs as they ran.

Miranda caught sound in one side room and found the assistant, freeing him from batarians holding him hostage with vials of cure he'd tried to release as well, all of the aliens thinking Daniel was passing out the virus instead.

It took a hot minute for Shepard to casually—if one could call standing with a hand out in peaceful gesture and the other waving a gun while short on patience _casual_ —convince the batarians they _were_ going to cure the plague, and for them to _get out_.

The actual ventilation room had a large open middle, two long corridors on either side, and raised higher floors up above.

And it was absolutely loaded with vorcha and Blood Pack krogan.

Shepard used every grenade she had, emptying the launcher to clear out the main area. She ordered Miranda to funnel down the right side with her biotics and tech, to throw both out to create explosions on vorcha armed with fucking flamethrowers. Jacob covered her ass while she sniped the rocket launching vorchas above them.

It took nearly ten minutes more of that for them to find out that the fucking fans needed rebooted.

Twenty after that, Shepard finally slammed the cure vials into the back wall console, shaking.

She'd nearly been shot through the leg trying to clear the left corridor after they'd fixed there right side's fan. Miranda had been nicked across her back, but used up some of the medi-gel to help the bleeding. And Jacob had gotten mild burns from a well-hidden vorcha's flamethrower behind a corner before they'd booted the left fan back online.

They utterly collapsed inside Mordin's clinic, _exhausted_.

Thankfully all their hard work paid off in more than just dispersing the cure; volunteers came to help patch them up, check their wounds over, and give them some sustenance.

Shepard listened to Mordin tell his assistant that he might as well have shot those batarians that had held him hostage. Faster, easier, more important things to do to help everyone at large, he'd argued.

She thought on Aria's words about Mordin's ways then, considered them well, when Solus followed them tiredly back to the ship.

 


	13. Watched

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

 

He's a hamster on coffee, Kelly told her.

And if _that_ ain't the fucking truth.

Shepard observed Mordin moving about his newly unlocked lab, tinkering and exploring all the new toys he'd be using to more than likely save her ass later down the line. She watched him tap a finger to his chin as he considered the terminals on upgrading equipment, listened as he grunted several fantastic ideas about missiles and armor and biotic protection right there under his breath, as if it were really that easy to list.

The salarian broke the mold for her. Really, he did, though she had never had much to go on outside of folks like Kirrahe, the salarian Counselor, and the occasional salarian she'd met on any single one of her _many_ UNC missions and Citadel errands while on the hunt for Saren.

“All right, Mordin. Tell me about yourself,” Shepard asked, not knowing just what she was walking into.

Mordin took a breath, blinked, and smiled. “Where to start? Long career. STG background. Lots of travel. Lots of healing, death, science. _Interesting_ work, though.”

Shepard's red brows rose. “STG, huh.”

“Basis for Citadel Spectres model. Espionage, black-ops, salarian tactics. You have better funding, though.”

“I imagine so. Everyone as fast speaking as you are there?”

Mordin laughed, reclining in a slightly more relaxed pose against the main work table. “Yes and no. Salarians live short lives compared to humans. Much to be done in smaller amount of time. I'm...older. Tired. But still have things to do.”

“And you're not big on ceremony, clearly.” Shepard was actually _glad_ for that, having hated the crap on the Citadel.

“Nope. Worked with young captain once, Kirrahe, who was. He and his speeches— _hold the line—_ big talk, lot of air, bit of a cloaca.” Mordin laughed with a shrug. “Not me. Finish job, go home, sleep, next project to do.”

Shepard grinned, eager to share. “I've met him. He's still that way. Took down Saren's lab on Virmire with me.”

“Of course. Heard about that. He still uses explosives. Jury-rigged. Smart.”

“I like your work ethic, Mordin. Just don't run yourself too ragged on here with what we're getting into soon. I mean, you _know_ what we're up to, right? This...is going to be difficult mentally, physically, _emotionally_.”

“Quite aware. Had talks with yeoman. Don't care. Want to learn, want to know more about these Collectors. Can help,” he replied, a little smile on his wide mouth. “Like big projects, Shepard. Had...past experiences in some.”

Shepard nodded, breathed out the worry. He seemed hesitant to share specifics at the moment, and that was completely fine; they'd _just_ met, after all. “Good. Just, uh. One thing, okay?”

“Yes?”

“I _really_ try hard to ask questions first and shoot after. I don't care what's easiest. I still _try_ to do what's possible and not just get the ends done as fast as possible. Sometimes sacrificing process for efficiency means missing other factors and a spoiled result, right?” she asked him, hoping he'd understand. His strangely contradicting philosophies of aiding and killing had made her the tiniest bit nervous for field work.

Mordin sighed and rubbed his face with his fingers. “Yes, Shepard. Understand and agree most times. It's just...sometimes you heal with medicine, sometimes with a gun.”

“Fair enough,” Shepard said, crossing her legs. “Just so we're clear.”

“As you humans say, 'Crystal.'”

“Good. Enjoy your night. We're going for Archangel tomorrow, and I want you there with me. We won't know the shape he'll be in with all the big guns coming down at once, and we've got to get in there. I've got an infiltration plan with the Blue Suns mercs. Be ready, Doctor.”

“Will be. Worry unnecessary...but appreciated.”

Shepard winked, received an odd blink back and then a wave, and left him there, already hearing him humming under his breath as he began tinkering away at something.

 

 

\-------------------

 

 

That night, laden with thoughts about a mysterious ex-STG salarian on board her ship messaging her about the bugs he'd crushed in the lab, Shepard watched her empty fish tank—just the flow of the kelp, flicker of the water with the light reflecting everywhere in the dark.

Even right now she worried she was being watched.

After all, there was an AI _in_ the ship that had seen her break down and called for help, and now she had confirmation from Mordin himself of bugs in at least one room. At least EDI was more than a bug, if the AI could be called as much, as it had helped them maneuver on Omega and scanned comms for info.

She debated it for an hour before replying to him, asking him to privately find and destroy more as he could secretly. He immediately sent her a response that he had already begun such a process, finding four bugs in the mess hall alone.

It infuriated her.

She glared up from her bed at the ceiling, imagined that smoking bastard looking at her from some room any place in the galaxy. Hell, maybe he was right then.

Shepard flipped off the ceiling, just in case.

And then she rolled over, eyes glued to the holo-clock.

She pulled up her arm, surfed through her old messages with an archived label, and found Garrus's holos. They played before her for the almost twentieth time in just a two-week span of being awake.

It was grounding to hear his voice, but it broke her to see him, to see how utterly gorgeous he was sitting there, flirting with her on camera. It made her all the more desperate to find him, if only so he'd know she was alive. It drove her crazy to imagine what could have been, had she never died at all.

She'd known with that kiss that it would have been more than a fling. More than curiosity.

It would have been _real_ and _something_ and most likely the long haul.

A kind of strange thought, to be honest.

Thankfully she got yet another reply from her mother to distract her from the woe.

Shepard read Hannah Shepard's message, glad at least her mom seemed to finally be calming down from the fury at what she'd at first assumed had been a prank on a grieving mother. When the video calls had started, her mother had been so astounded, so grieved and crying loudly in relief that Shepard had barely been able to get any words through to her.

They still needed to meet, soon, if possible. Her mother was currently on Earth on leave, and Shepard highly doubted she'd have the time for that kind of distraction, so the plan was to brush ships at some point if possible at a station.

Meanwhile, they communicated again through messages as they had before.

Shepard begged her mother for information on her friends, but Hannah had none.

Hannah was understanding, but honestly much more concerned about the Alliance discovering she was alive and what might happen if so; actual death still meant a closure of service, and right now it almost felt like Shepard was free-floating between the Alliance and Cerberus, entirely unsure of what to do.

Anderson's message the next morning cleared _that up_ with his pleasant demand to come and see him on the Citadel to straighten things out and hear her story.

Shepard would go, and she'd take whatever she had to with this unprecedented situation.

But first she had a turian merc to save.

She just hoped they'd get to him fast enough.

 


	14. Showtime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

Almost fifteen minutes.

Waiting, waiting.

And waiting on Omega was _not_ a good sign. It meant, at the very least, something unexpected had come between what was planned and the lack of happening. The question then was what interrupted it? What was the lack?

Garrus shifted his weight, getting more and more nervous by the minute as Sidonis didn't show. The fellow turian of his Omega team had told him to meet him here, an entire district away from camp; Sidonis had gotten a lead on the Blood Pack in the area that they'd be able to take the mercs down with it.

So he waited, a chill settling in his gut as his senses grew hyperactive. Each movement was exaggerated, each change of lighting intense and panic-inducing. Something was wrong. Very, very wrong. He couldn't wait any longer for Sidonis or the lead and could only hope on his way back to the hideout that they'd run into one another, the other turian of course having a damn good reason for being held up.

“He'd better be _on fire_ ,” Garrus snarled as he took off running for the skycar he'd used to get to the other district. He quickly started it, panicking as it slowly heated. “Come on!”

Seconds later it flew off, about ten minutes from his destination. Garrus fought the traffic, the urges coming faster and stronger now. Something was so fucking wrong that he felt ready to vomit. Had Sidonis been hurt on the way? Was the rest of the team all right? He'd told them he'd be back, that he was meeting Sidonis for information the turian had just received while out, and they'd decided to sit down for dinner.

“Spirits!” Garrus shouted as his brain flew FTL, thinking of different possibilities now. If he was gone and Sidonis was gone, could the team be unprotected in a way? Could they be in trouble? Was that why there was what felt like literal fire in his stomach?

“Go, go!” he urged the skycar in fury, barely dodging an incoming car as he crossed traffic in a move that would have had him arrested on the Citadel.

As he neared the hideout, the apartment he'd bought and shared with the team he'd considered friends, a sense of strange calm started to overcome the panic in him. Something was going to happen this night, and it was going to bring him the peace he needed desperately. Garrus swallowed tightly, hands flying over the controls of the skycar as it whirred over three others, barely missing them as well.

Shakily, he began whispering to her, trying hard to draw strength from the thought of her. “I need you with me on this, A. I need you to guide me. Help me. Give me strength and let me do whatever it is I have to do.”

The skycar trembled as he pushed the engine too hard, but it caught itself and kept going as he slightly lowered the speed.

He continued, “And if tonight is the night, if something goes crazy or...or if it's just...time...be there for me. Don't let me die alone, Shepard.”

Garrus flew toward the apartment's garage, ducking under the bridge and almost screaming at what he saw—red hot zinging bullets in the upstairs windows. He narrowly avoided hitting the building, thanked the Spirits for the brief save, and slammed into the garage as fast as possible. Garrus climbed out as soon as he could, rifle slung forward and helmet snapped on.

The garage itself was empty, thank Spirits, but as he went up through the back into the apartment, he heard the gunfire. And the amount was lessening far too quickly, which meant one of two things: either his friends were clearing house or they were gone. He prayed aloud for them to be alive as he desperately used his comm link on their frequency to raise anyone.

Garrus ran into the apartment, heard two final gunshots and paused.

No shouting from Butler, no bitching from Melenis or Ripper. _Oh, no._

Quickly Garrus scouted the bottom floor and found no enemies. He kept his gun up and moved up the stairs, wishing. The team's bunk room was open, and there was blood everywhere, bodies he didn't want to visually know yet. Bullet holes. Quietly he slid against the wall and glanced around the corner, letting his visor see what he couldn't in his attempt to control his breathing and heart.

Three shooters standing. Blue Suns. _Shit!_

Garrus counted to three, thought of Shepard and stepped out, rifle screaming. Two went down before they had a chance to even react, and the third Garrus purposely shot in both legs, rendering the human male helpless. Turian feet stormed over, one sliding its weight over the human's throat. “Talk. Now.”

“A-Archangel.”

“I said talk!” Garrus shouted and sent another round into the man's foot, getting a scream for his efforts.

The Blue Suns merc spit blood. “Orders to...to come here. Kill all inside. Archangel was s-s-supposed to be taken c-care of—lured away by the turian we captured. Team to kill Archangel afterward at meet up. Let...let other turian go when he...sent the messages. He ran.”

Garrus felt his blood freeze, the ice cold almost burning his nerves.

Sidonis, that fucking traitor, had let the rest of them die to save his own cowardly hide. He'd manipulated Garrus to do it.

Garrus shook with absolute hatred. His foot pressed tighter into the merc's neck.

“W-Wait! I...I have...more information!”

“Go on,” Garrus was willing to wait another minute before crunching the male's throat.

The man coughed heavily. “Back up plan instated in case Archangel—you—survived. Cooperation between...between Eclipse, Blood Pack and Blue Suns.”

Garrus's eyes flared in fury, but a dark smirk graced his mandibles. “Guess I did have an effect after all,” he murmured then twisted his foot, instantly breaking and crushing the human's neck without remorse.

Slowly he looked around. A few other dead Blue Suns. Erash's body was in the corner, half-torn. Mierin was slumped over the couch next to Monteague, Ripper nearby. Sensat was by the back window of the room, missing an eye and probably the rest of a skull. Garrus trembled as he re-holstered his rifle. They were gone. His walk into his own rooms on the other side confirmed it as he found the rest of their bodies—found Grundan Krul, Vortash and Weaver. Butler had died by Garrus's bed with his arm up, a call prepped on his omni-tool for Garrus.

Garrus slumped to his knees. He'd waited. If he hadn't waited as long, he'd have been here. They'd be alive possibly.

A feral scream tore from him as he lowered his throat.

He'd failed her first. He hadn't been there and she'd spaced, died alone in agony. And he'd foolishly thought he could care for anyone else, even in friendship and camaraderie, and be spared a penalty it seemed the Spirits wanted him to have.

Part of him couldn't stop thinking it wasn't just the set up and the luring him away that made him feel guilty, but that he'd helped at all—gotten them involved at all despite them knowing and accepting the risks when they'd each come onto the team.

With a heavy, wavering breath, he stood, eyeing the dead bodies once more.

“Forgive me,” he whispered, voice almost dead as he moved into a nearly automated mode of covering their bodies, sealing them with the bags they'd always had in case of losses. One for each of them.

A while later when he was done, Garrus stared for a second at his own bag. That was when the noises started. Slowly he rose, Mantis unfolding in his hands, as he walked back into the bunk room and looked out one of the large windows that overlooked the bridge, the only way in or out.

There, on the other end, was the back up plan the Blue Suns merc had mentioned before he died. Mercs in red and black, blue and white, and yellow were moving quickly, setting up a huge barrier in front of them as they readied to take him down. To invade and finish the job, teaching the renegade turian that no one upset the balance of Omega but them—especially not some do-gooder.

Garrus took a knee at the window, checked his Mantis, and took another deep breath. The calm had settled over him. He was ready.

“Come for me,” he said to her in the silence of the room.

 


	15. Archangel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

Getting past the Blue Suns had honestly been easier than she'd expected. Much, thanks to Aria's advice.

Of course, having Zaeed along for part of that certainly was a boon. He'd gotten them far enough inside the set up near Archangel's last stand that no one questioned their presence or better equipment. But Shepard wanted Miranda on her six, with Mordin as back up, and so she'd brought them, too. She knew Miranda would have her safety as a priority far more than a paid merc she'd just met and knew wasn't loyal to either Cerberus or her, and already she'd felt comfortable with the salarian doctor. Probably because he was so...not what she'd expected. So she'd told Zaeed to hang back a little so as not to arouse suspicion and then get the hell out of there back to the ship, killing if he had to in order to get out.

She might have still been trying to digest the lawlessness and criminality that made Omega, but this part? This part was _just_ what she'd banked on. All three of Omega's biggest hitters here, hidden away, sending waves of mercs hoping to make it out for payment after while the true movers and shakers of each group could use their distraction to finally take out this annoyance of a turian.

Shepard hid back her smile at the thought. Whoever this guy was, she bet Garrus would have been highly in favor of him.

The mere thought of Garrus was a punch to her chest, and Shepard faltered in her step while Mordin reworked a large mech they'd found to target its owners in the merc groups. She instantly felt like puking for a moment and had to gird herself against the urge. Something just felt wrong all of a sudden with this, and it freaked her out that she felt it was connected to her previous thought somehow.

Miranda noticed the sudden change in her expression and glanced downward, then back up. “Shepard?”

“I'm fine. Just...thinking. Mordin, how's the bypass?”

The salarian stood and nodded with a little grin. “Perfect. Won't expect a thing. Will be very devastating. A good idea.”

“Okay, thanks.” Shepard rolled her shoulders to look for Sgt. Kathka, a batarian with the Blue Suns, nearby for her “orders.” Mercs in different uniforms eyed them as they passed, but didn't focus too much. Good. Shepard looked into a smaller room with a light air fighter, one similar to Eclipse design. A merc was crouched next to it. “'Scuse me? Are you Sgt. Kathka?”  
  
The merc in the Blue Sun armor rose up and tapped the darker part of his visor to reveal a batarian face. “Yeah.”

“Was told to report here,” Shepard continued.

The batarian nodded at that and lit a cigarette. “You'll be part of the distraction squad we're sending in. Get across the bridge and infiltrate what you can. The point is to keep Archangel busy so we can blast through the garage and corner him all directions. You survive, you get your 500 creds a piece. Any questions?”

Shepard thought back to all the glares from the Blood Pack and Eclipse senior members when she'd tried fishing for information. “Nah. I'm good.”

“Alpha team!” came across the batarian's mic. He nodded. “All right. Gotta get this baby back up in the air for Jaroth.”

Miranda looked at Shepard, then to a piece of sharp hardware behind on a counter. “Sabotage!” she mouthed.

Shepard winced, not liking to fight so dirty, but grabbed the thing and slammed it down on the batarian's head. It crunched, and she watched him drop to the floor unconscious. “Okay. He stays down, no fixed bird in the air.”

“Not enough. Have to be sure.” Mordin said and stepped around Shepard to the batarian. He mused a second, picked the tool back up and stabbed the non-responsive alien in the back, eliciting an electrical reaction and killing the batarian altogether. "Gun medicine, Shepard. No time."

Shepard and Miranda stared at one another. The raven haired woman shrugged. “Now there's a...better chance he won't get back up and fix it. And even if someone else does, they won't have near as much time.”

“Ugh,” Shepard grumbled but quickly exited the room, needing to be ready to be sent as one of the strike teams and not be near when Kathka was discovered. She reminded herself she didn't owe the batarian any loyalty, especially if his friends were going to be shooting at her soon.

All three of them marched up to the area of no return and stared down the open bridge of death, the very reason Archangel had survived so far. Shepard wondered what kind of state he'd be in if they could get far enough to him to make him know they were friendly. Probably maxed out on stim packs to have stayed awake so long, team or not.

She took a deep breath and pulled her pistol. “Target the ones farthest in front of us. They'll look more like he's shot them than us to people watching, and _he_ will know we've done it and we mean him help. Be careful. We have to extract him. Period.”

“Understood,” Miranda nodded and pulled her SMG from her hip, extending the gun from its coiled up position.

Mordin nodded and followed, his own pistol ready.

Shepard took another breath and jumped the barrier the mercs had built up. Instantly gun fire zinged around them, bouncing from up ahead and from Archangel himself. An Eclipse merc forty yards ahead went down with a very clean sniper head shot, and Shepard's brows rose, impressed, as the fellow Eclipse merc nearby met the same fate...all in a matter of seconds. This turian was fantastic, and they definitely needed his gun.

Shepard dodged behind a large block on the bridge, nodding at her squad mates who'd done the same across the way, fanning out. Then, with a good exhale, she revolved and fired three shots into the individuals in front of her, taking down two automatically. The third staggered, only to fall to a sniper shot from Archangel above.

Shepard shifted, moving to shoot another merc, when a round from the turian's gun smacked hard into her upper body armor and knocked her back on her ass.

The fact that she was still breathing let her know it had been a concussive round only, and that he'd not aimed for her head meant he'd gotten the message.

Still. Son of a bitch, it _hurt_!

“Fuck!” she called out as Miranda shouted for her.

Shepard rolled over and climbed back up to her feet, nodding her status to the team as they kept pushing forward until they had entered the apartments themselves. She paused gesturing commands. “Mordin, keep eyes for that mech. We aren't sure when it's being sent out. Aid it how you can with people's armor. Miranda keep them out of the apartment. I'm cloaking and cleaning house to meet with our guy upstairs. I'll contact when clear. Understood?”

“Yes, Shepard,” they both said and immediately bent into cover, firing away.

She affirmed and flickered out with her cloak, pistol raised as she quietly made her way into the apartment itself. The place was huge, double floored, with access to a garage. Tons of windows. What had been nice furniture. She had to give the turian some taste points, in retrospect, though inwardly she winced at all the blood scattered in the rooms and wondered how long he'd been hanging on.

After a clean view without mercs downstairs, she headed up, refreshing her cloak when needed. Two Eclipse stood outside a locked upper door that lead to the room where Archangel was firing from. Immediately she fired two head shots, one for each merc, and the unfortunate fellows slid to the floor.

She tsked, annoyed at the waste of life, but then banged on the door. “Archangel! I'm here to help and get you out! Let me talk one second, it's all I ask!”

Shepard waited with baited breath for one minute. Then two.

Finally the door changed from red to green on the holo-lock and slid open. Shepard wrinkled her nose as she scanned her immediate foreground and saw nothing but furniture. “Miranda, Mordin, I've got access to Archangel. Get up here if it's calmed down between waves.”

“On it!” Miranda answered for them.

Shepard caught the sounds of their steps downstairs as she swiveled, her gun raised, but not completely when she turned into the room. She paused when she saw the black and blue armor covering the turian from head to toe as he waited for another shot near the windows. “Archangel?”

He nodded, holding up a gloved finger to stop her, and refocused. Shepard came closer, unsure why everything in the room felt like it had absolutely changed. The very atmosphere had electrified somehow, and she felt it dancing around her. Something was happening here.   
  
But she couldn't figure out what.

Her green eyes caught movement down the bridge as one final merc tried a straight run up the bridge, yelling a war cry. In seconds he was on the ground, dead, and Archangel reloaded the gleaming Mantis. Shepard's eyes widened on the gun, her heart rate increasing. Miranda had told her they'd gotten much more common since their company and market releases after her death, so she'd been preparing to upgrade to one herself soon, but to actually see one in person...it just made her think of Garrus and the gun she got him.   
  
Come to think of it, his shot rhythm _did seem_ awfully familiar.

But there was no way she was that lucky...right? Instantly her nerves went berserk as she inhaled at the actual possibility.

Archangel slowly unfolded from his bent position, resting the gun against the wall as he did so. He turned as if it took everything in him to do so and face her. Slowly, so slowly that in her focus on him she didn't hear her squad mates come in behind her, he walked around a couch and unclasped his helmet.

Shepard stopped breathing. Because there, coming into view, was silvery white plating and dark blue clan marks she had known very, very well under familiar eyes of handsome ice blue.

Garrus Vakarian dropped his helmet on the nearby couch with a thud and stared at her in absolute shock.

“G-Garrus?” She asked, her voice hesitant and betraying her belief that he was actually standing in front of her.

His mandibles had slackened as those gorgeous eyes stared her down, the visor she loved so much hovering over his left one as always. Garrus just...stared at her.

“Garrus? It's me. It's...Shepard,” she said, wincing at how she sounded. “You.... You have no idea how glad I am to know you're.... I'm so...you're _alive_ and _here_ and _thank God_ I found you!”

Garrus looked terrified as he swallowed roughly. “S-Shepard,” he croaked, his voice hoarse.

“Yes, big guy,” Shepard softly replied and took a step forward peacefully. Every part of her screamed to run to him, hug him, _kiss_ him, comfort him in his obvious shock. She knew he'd last known her to be dead, and she couldn't imagine, again, what he'd gone through. They'd been so close to finally seeing what could happen that it was painful. Her voice got rough as she spoke, trying to reassure him. “It's me. I'm real. I will explain everything later. I promise you. Garrus, I just literally woke up like two to three weeks ago from a coma. A two-year coma. And...I'm just so fucking glad to see you right now.”

“This isn't.... You died,” he half-muttered, staring at her like he'd found God. And for some reason that utterly terrified her. Suddenly his voice changed. “You...came for me.”

“I won't leave without you,” she hotly whispered, green eyes unblinking. Somehow that seemed to reassure him, though he still seemed off-balance, weirded out completely and looked over her a lot as if verifying she was really physically there. “I'm here, Garrus. I'm really standing here.”

Garrus frowned, looking uncertain again. His pupils were a bit too dilated for normal turian eyes, and it worried the hell out of her.

She shook her head as Miranda approached. “Shepard was found, treated and brought back to fighting shape. We can discuss this later. We need to retrieve you now for the team, if you'll come.”

“Something is wrong. Turian seems highly stressed. Evidence of stimpak abuse. Vitals rising in sensors. Smells of receptive pheromones....” Mordin trailed off and cocked his head to the side suddenly, red and black eyes trailing to Shepard. “Oh.”

Shepard had stopped paying attention, eyes only on Garrus. “Garrus?”

His blue eyes snapped back to her, wide as they could get and obviously anxious.

“How do we get out?” she asked, needing to stay constructive here. “The sooner we get you out of here and on the ship, the sooner we can talk. The sooner it'll be okay.”

“Garage, maybe, but they're probably going to use it to trap me,” Garrus answered almost robotic.

Shepard nodded, thinking ahead, though the worry for his mental state was seriously going up notches. If he were OD'd on stim packs, he might struggle even more with this. “So should we take them out completely? They're going to be attacking by group. Some in the garage, some here. What do you think, Garrus?”

He swallowed again and glanced out the window. “We need to remove at least one of the major groups. That gives us a much better chance of walking out. But no matter what, the garage has to get sealed or we're done.”

Shepard glanced out the window and saw movement on the far side of the bridge. “In a minute. We have company now. You two, downstairs. Don't let anyone inside. We'll snipe from here. Hope your hacking worked, Mordin.”

Mordin nodded. “Of course, Commander. Plenty of experience with such things. No concern.”

“Good.” Shepard watched them leave and removed her sniper rifle, setting it against the wall as she slightly turned.

Garrus was staring at her with the saddest expression she'd ever seen. It broke her, and all the pain she felt inside bubbled over. “Hey,” she murmured and reached out a hand.

His blue eyes watched her wearily, but one large gloved hand reached back, catching a few of their fingers together. The turian grip on her fingers was very light and slack, but as he kept touching her solidness, he gripped tighter. She squeezed his gloved fingers tightly and brought them briefly to her lips, kissing them gently before hanging them low again. Shepard could hear his breath catch at the action.

“I...am...glad to see you,” he shakily admitted, as if the very words scared him. She knew seeing her after knowing she'd died was unreal, so this...she felt so worried.

“It is me. I promise.” Shepard forced down a tear she didn't have time for. “I fucking missed you, Garrus. I got your message. I read it not long ago. If I'd only known it was you on Omega, I'd have come for you first thing. But they had no ID on Archangel. None. So work with me here. Let's get out and talk, okay big guy?”

That seemed to do something. His eyes focused strangely, and he squeezed her fingers in his tenderly, his thumb running over the back of her glove. “I missed you, too. Now help me kill these morons. I'm ready to...go, like I said I would.”

“You got it, big guy. The only place you're going is on my new ship, I'm damn sure of that.” Shepard ignored the puzzled look on his face and yanked her Cerberus-owned sniper rifle from her back, glancing down the scope as she and Garrus both set up on the ledge of the window. “Jealous you still have that gun I got you. Mine's gone. Have to find me a new one to name and love.”

Garrus eyed through his visor and popped a round off, taking an Eclipse human member down to the ground. He discharged the thermal clip and reloaded, inhaling a breath as he moved to repeat the motion next to her. “Macitus. I remember.”

“Ever name this one?” she asked as she timed a combo with Miranda who took out a salarian engineer's shielding so Shepard could snipe him in the head.

“I...yeah.”

“What?”

Garrus reloaded, shot, and cursed. Shepard noticed his hands were shaking pretty rough. “Take a breath, big guy. We'll get out of here, I promise. I swear.”

He shuddered, did as she suggested, and fired a new round that hit home in an asari's skull. Mordin shot some incineration below them while Miranda warped some biotic barriers for their shots. A few minutes passed before he spoke again, quietly beside her as he reached down for another clip. “Athena.”

“Hm?” she asked.

“I named it...Athena. After you.” Garrus swallowed and popped the next round off; Shepard watched it go through an Eclipse merc's eye and take the woman to the ground.

Shepard mimicked his grab for a thermal clip and fought the urge to pull him into a side hug. She felt so fucking honored by what he'd done. “I love that, Garrus. You're...still so damn sweet. Thanks for the honor.”

“Heh,” he replied then paused.

Shepard looked through her scope as Mordin's voice came through the comms. “Shepard, hacked mech approaching. Should fire upon mercs without change. Hacked wiring itself, not just software. Suggest keeping it functional as long as possible for maximum potential.”

“Got it.” She exhaled and scoped out, watching as the mech turned and began shooting at the Eclipse running behind it toward them. A mixture of humans, salarians and asari scattered on the bridge, shouting in panic.

Garrus snorted next to her, eyeing through his own scope to watch. “Brilliant salarian you got, A.”

“Thank you, turian. Of course.”

Shepard rolled her eyes and relayed the message, but smiled when she saw Garrus's mandibles twitch in obvious amusement. Another few minutes of aiding the mech brought them to the moment when Jaroth, the Eclipse leader on Omega, walked down the bridge. He sabotaged the mech's guns and had another merc blow it up with a rocket launcher.

“Fuck me,” she grumbled. “Miranda, Mordin, help get those shields down. I'll try to take his head.”

“Got it, Commander.”

Garrus rumbled next to her. “I've got him.”

Shepard paused on her trigger and glanced toward Garrus. There was dark determination in his face that, yet again, just terrified the hell out of her. What in the hell had he been through here on Omega? It could not have been good.

Seconds later he fired a single shot. She looked back down her scope, mouth opening as she watched the smart-mouthed salarian fall to the ground lifeless.

“There, you _sonofabitch_. I'm taking every single one of those bastards out with me. Two more to go.” Garrus discharged the spent thermal clip with a snap.

Shepard checked visuals, found it clear and summoned her squad back. “Garrus, you're not going out. You're leaving with me. Remember?”

“I know. I'm...glad.” He had stopped looking at her and eyed the squad as they entered, still uncertain as he took them in. Shepard felt very scared. What was wrong with him?

Miranda stepped forward. “Next, the garage.”

“Yes. I'll go, Miranda you can stay with me. Mordin I want you to hang tight here with Garrus. Keep him safe, you got that?” Shepard walked to Garrus. He was staring at her and kind of through her. “Hey...hang in there. Let me sync to your omni-tool, and I'll let you know when I'm done down there. You can tell me what I need to know.”

Garrus shook himself and complied, syncing his tool with hers. Shepard asked Mordin and Miranda to give them a quick second, and both figures turned away to stand near the door in respect. Garrus stared down at her, broken and exhausted. Shepard sat her gun down, knowing they had little time, and wrapped her arms around him, resting her cheek against the armor of his cowl. He seemed to melt a little, the stiffness relaxing as he dropped his arms and held her back. She squeezed him tighter and looked up as she let go, one hand grazing his mandible.

“Stay safe for me. I'll be back shortly, so hang tight and keep that handsome mug safe.”

“I...okay.” Garrus gave her a little half-smile. “Be careful, A. Don't...don't leave me. Please.”

“I won't, Garrus. I promise. I'll be right back.” Shepard nodded at him and ran, Miranda on her heels. Thankfully the perfect woman was also smart enough to know not to say anything.

Garrus explained in her comm that there were three shutters she had to close and that they had to be clear to shut. Just the sound of his voice in her ear once more was enough to make her sigh and feel infinitely better.

The next several minutes were full of Blood Pack vorcha, varren and krogan charging through two out of three different garage entrances below Garrus's apartment. Shepard smirked as they easily closed the first shutter, then moved for the second, only to realize it was further in. Miranda's biotics came in handy as they removed several vorcha and overloaded any with pyro packs so the bastards exploded and killed those near them. That shutter was hit, and their only concern was the last one. Shepard narrowly avoided a huge krogan and its matching varren attacking her thanks to her cloak.

“Miranda, this thing is a fucking godsend,” she called out when she'd caught new cover.

Miranda finished off a vorcha and warped down the krogan's health, gun triggered on the varren. “Of course it is!”

“Damn it, just take a compliment,” Shepard muttered low. She ran around a corner and fired a heavy pistol shot into the varren's head, killing it instantly. The krogan reappeared and chased after her. She shot at him, twice in the face, before she flung out an incineration tech power and burned him; the pain stopped him from charging, and she finished him off with three shots.

Shepard slammed the shutter button on the last one, ready to get back to Garrus. “Garrus, come in. We're done down here. En route to you.”

“Blood Pack in the building, Shepard! Hurry!” Mordin replied back in a worried tone.

Shepard and Miranda ran for it and entered into a nightmarish scene of red armored thugs. They could hear a couple krogan upstairs trying to bash through the door to Garrus. Shepard snapped at that point and just shot anything in her path, leaving whatever didn't die to Miranda's SMG and biotics.

Shepard made it to the top of the stairs just as the door was forced open. She shouted a warning and got the attention of one krogan. Miranda was still downstairs in a firefight, so she took him on alone, keeping her tactics from the last few krogans she'd dealt with one-on-one. Roll, dodge, bait, shoot, burn. Repeat and mix up. Finally the krogan went down.

She made it inside the upper room and found Mordin finishing one other krogan. What caught her eye most was the Blood Pack leader, Garm, shouting angrily at Garrus as he cornered the turian in the back part of the room. Shepard fired shots at him to get his attention, and Garm angrily shot back, but didn't leave his spot.

“Come on you ugly fucker! Get over here!” Shepard damn near screamed. She was _not_ about to lose Garrus now. _No way._

Mordin appeared next to her with Miranda and together they ducked for the sofas as Garm unloaded some biotics their way. Miranda shot out some of her own, which took down the krogan's barriers. Shepard set him on fire as Mordin fired a back up incineration, and Garm cried out in some pain from it, changing to bloodrage.

Garrus took the opportunity to run down the krogan's opposite side and launched himself to the floor near her. Shepard yanked him to her in front of the couch while he panted, trying to catch his breath. She fired another shot with one arm still over Garrus.

Garm screamed out in fury and ran toward them, shotgun blowing up at their faces. Miranda managed to warp him again just as Shepard sabotaged the gun. The krogan threw it and moved toward them with his huge hands open and ready.

Mordin fired several shots and another incineration that took Garm to his knees. Garrus rose up at that point, with his assault rifle, and opened fire, not stopping until Garm went down to his stomach and did not get back up.

When it went silent, they all took a collective breath of relief.

Shepard coughed. “You sure you want to take out the Blue Suns? Can we get out now?”

“I...I don't know. I'm just glad that sick bastard is dead.” Garrus trembled, staring at the floor as he tried to stand up. Shepard followed him up, snapping her head around when Mordin called out Blue Suns.

They dropped in the side window at the back of the room, and the fucking airship was with them, hovering just enough that it could unload its machine gun. Shepard shoved Garrus to the ground instantly and braced herself on the floor on top of him for a moment until the airship stopped firing.

“Everyone all right?” she shouted over the din of gunfire and the airship itself as it moved around outside.

“Yeah!”

“Affirmative!”

She eyed Garrus next to her as he yanked his rifle up and overloaded a merc coming their way. “I'm...I'm okay. I'm okay,” he managed to yell to her.

It was non-stop waves of mercs in the window, mercs sneaking up the stairs to flank them, and the gun of the airship with an occasional rocket.

Basically the worst situation they could possibly be in at that moment, especially with Garrus being half-out of it.

Shepard fired as fast and true as she could, cloaking to guard the door and keep them covered. When the waves finally started to slow, Shepard felt some relief. Garrus had moved to their left near the other window, concentrated on the guns in front of him. Shepard looked toward him, then saw the gunship hover just outside, and the head of the Blue Suns screamed for Archangel's blood in the cockpit.

Garrus turned in shock at the sudden shout.

“GARRUS!” she screamed loudly, already trying to move to him.

He spun just as the gunship sent out a rocket. Shepard instinctively blinked her eyes at the explosion happening inside the building; it shook the room and definitely fucked up her hearing for several moments. Miranda was finishing her powers on the gunship, the last thing to go.

Shepard weaved on her feet, looking for Garrus. He...wasn't anywhere. Panic set in. Desperation in the echoing muted noises of deafness.

And then she saw him on the floor in a huge pool of blue blood.

Shepard screamed and ran to him, uncaring about what was going on around her. Everything had just changed in that moment, and she had to trust that her new squad was going to finish what she needed them to do.

Shepard looked over Garrus and found that one side of his face, the side upturned, had been hit by the blast of the rocket; it had torn up his face and mandible, but there was so much blue blood that she couldn't see the extent. He gurgled, a bright blue dazed eye swiveling up to look at her.

“Garrus! Garrus no, no you stay with me. You stay right here! Please, God, stay right here. Don't you go! I want you with me, at my side. I need you. Please, big guy, try! _Don't go to that fucking bar!_ I'm _here_! I won't be there!”

He looked up at her, eyes somehow taking on full awareness for the first time since she'd seen him again; a gurgle of blood followed, as if he tried to speak to her amid the terror growing in his eyes.

Shepard put her hands over his face, completely scared to her bones and unsure of what to do. The gunship suddenly exploded near the side window, and she hunkered over Garrus to protect him from the blast. Shrapnel landed around and bounced off of her, but thankfully did no more damage.

Miranda and Mordin ran to her, a thousand questions coming fast.

“Rocket blast got him! I can't see the extent of the damage, but it's on his face and neck. He...oh, God, Mordin just SAVE HIM!”

Mordin bent over Garrus as Shepard raised up and away. Garrus eyes' fluttered, the one that had looked to her was trying to do so again. “Shepard, not good. I can try to pause bleeding. Surgery needed, but survival...not guaranteed.”

“DO IT,” she screamed, unable to handle the fucking thought of him dying. She looked down to Garrus as Miranda moved in, tearing off pieces of the couch leather and sheets nearby and handing them to Mordin. Shepard kept one hand on one of Garrus's, holding it with all of her might as he struggled to even keep an eye open. A huge tear slid down her cheek. “Don't you leave me, Garrus. I came back, and I came back for you. Don't you go. Don't you go to that bar without me. You stay right here. I need you. I fucking need you. I...I care so fucking much for you....please, Garrus, please!”

Garrus choked on blood beneath her, his hand going limp in her hold as he gave her one last look. Somehow, in her very bones, she knew he was saying sorry. That he...cared as much and regretted the moment. That he didn't want to leave but had no other option. The last expression in those turian eyes before he fluttered them closed was...loving.

“NO. NOOOOOOO!” She felt like she was on the verge of losing her sanity, her heart racing and her body shaking so badly she couldn't control it as she held him desperately.

Miranda put a tight hand on her shoulder, “Shepard! Shepard, listen to me. We have to get him out of here. Mordin just gave him a shot of stuff he'd brought, since we didn't know what condition Archangel would be in. Help us get him out. I've contacted Jacob to meet us nearby with a gurney. We have to get him to a skycar.”

Shepard nodded, willing to do anything to ensure his survival. Almost ten minutes later, ten grueling minutes of shifting and carrying his unconscious, but somehow still breathing body with partial biotics from Miranda, they made it to a sky car, the first one they could find, and lay him in the back over Shepard. Miranda jumped to the controls and quickly flew them out, cutting dangerously but expertly through traffic until she could make a semi-rough landing close to Afterlife. Mordin worked a little on him in the backseat, desperately covering the wounded area and pressuring what he could.

A guard stepped toward them as the car opened up and they moved to get Garrus out.

“Out of my fucking way, or _I'm shooting you_ in the fucking head!” Shepard barked at the turian, who quickly backed off in shock, and she ran, her hands supporting soaked bandages on Garrus's neck and head as Mordin helped and Miranda held his body straight as best she could with biotics again. Jacob saw them coming and met them half-way with the gurney.

Carefully they transferred Garrus onto it and wheeled without stopping down the hall and into the airlock.

“EDI, GET CHAKWAS READY FOR SURGERY IMMEDIATELY! TELL HER IT'S GARRUS, AND HE TOOK A ROCKET TO THE HEAD. I NEED EVERYONE READY TO GO RIGHT NOW!”

“Done, Commander!” EDI answered immediately in her comm.

If Garrus made it through this, Shepard was going to get that damn AI a medal.

Quickly they wheeled him into the awaiting airlock and shut it secure. Everyone was out of breath and damn near collapsing against the walls as the decontamination process started. Shepard stood and kept a hold of the gurney so it would stay level. Garrus was still bleeding, and she noticed that his plating looked even whiter, his darker tan neck paler than usual. “Mordin, I think he's lost too much blood! What...what can we _do_?”

“Transfusions in med lab. Will be handled immediately. Will have to reattach parts of plating with face; cybernetics most likely to save mandible and jaw for functionality.” Mordin caught his breath and checked over Garrus in front of her. “Shepard, will do best. Should have a chance, at least fifty-fifty with what was done in car.”

Shepard hung her face over Garrus's side and shuddered, unable to handle everything. There was no fucking way fate would be this cruel, right?

 _Please God don't let it be cruel_ , she prayed, her hands holding his limp and unresponsive fingers.

Shepard ignored all of the crew watching her and cried big tears as she kissed his gloved fingers.

“Stay with me, Garrus. Stay with me,” she begged. “Don't leave me. Don't go. Stay with me. I know you can. No matter how scared, no matter how stressed, I know you can. Just stay with me, big guy. Please. Please.”

No one said anything, but she could feel the eyes roving her, wondering. Shepard ignored them, too focused on the dying turian who was probably the love of her fucking life. Her biggest failure was that her death had made her realize he meant even more than she'd thought and now...it might take his death, too.

“Just hold on, Garrus. Hold on.”

 

 


	16. Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

 

Garrus slowly came awake to the right side of his face throbbing incessantly. He moaned a little from the pain, so groggy he barely registered anything beyond it. It took several minutes for him to even dare open his eyes; when he did, he took in the unfamiliar ceiling with confusion, the weird quiet of the area.

 _Maybe I did die back there on Omega_ , he thought randomly.

All he could hope was that he'd taken the mercs out with him if so.

Then, through the next silent moments, he remembered.

It came back, that last stand in his apartment building—some parts clear, others hazy: how, while the bodies of his former team lay around him he had fought off all three of Omega’s biggest mercenary groups...and how Shepard had stepped down that bridge, into his scope, making him believe himself to have already perished on an over dosage of stimulant packs.

She had come for him, he remembered, come to take him in death.

But she had been almost _real_. She had _touched_ him. And he’d been so confused, torn between thinking she was there to take him and fighting some pointless hope that she was actually alive and saving his ass for real. But that couldn't have been real, not _really_ real, right?

None of that explained why he couldn’t remember the event that had caused him the pain on his face and throat.

Slowly, Garrus tried to rise up on the bed to look around; the movement set off a small alarm, and a kind, very familiar face quickly filled his vision.

“You’re kidding me. How are you here? You didn't get spaced,” he murmured, gasping at the pain of using his right mandible in speaking. “Oh, Spirits! _Owwwwww._ ”

“Easy, Garrus. Be careful. Your surgery was delicate.” Dr. Chakwas smiled. “I need to change your bandages.”

He winced a little as she gingerly helped him sit up. Garrus took the time to look around at the shiny medbay, unsure of where he could be. The windows to his right were darkened so no one could see inside. “Seriously, Doc, how are you here? Where is she? She took me, like I asked. I'm dead, so is she and I guess so are you. So...where are we? How the hell do I have pain in death?”

“No, Garrus. You're...alive. Luckily. She and the new squad were able to get you here in time after the gunship attacked you; luckily you were hit by the blast and not the rocket itself. Thankfully she had already recruited Dr. Mordin Solus, who was able to patch you up a little until I could perform surgery. You've been out for two days straight in recovery,” she explained quietly, her hands lightly moving to start removing the large bandage over the bottom ride side of his face. “You're lucky he'd gone with some supplies on him, since they weren't sure what state their Archangel was going to be in with the merc stand-off going on. Otherwise you would have bled out or worse.”

None of what Chakwas said registered, nothing except for a single word. Garrus froze at the fucking implication of his greatest hope and worst fear. “She.”

“Yes, Garrus. She’s alive, just like you and me.”

“No.” He shook a little, voice rising. “That’s impossible. Where is the bar?”

“Are you in a great deal of pain?”

“Yes, but that could be me bleeding out back in my apartment, on the verge,” he countered, unwilling to believe the worst—that Shepard had never died. That she had let him endure the last two years. This horrific pain in his face from what Chakwas had said were the effects of a rocket blast near his head couldn't be real.

Shepard would never have done this to him. Not his Shepard. It had to be a mistake. His Shepard wouldn't have abandoned him for two years, and if she had—then he'd fallen for someone worse than Sidonis in betrayal, and he wanted nothing to do with her now.

Chakwas took a momentary step back to eye him, her older features saddened. “Garrus, this is real. I promise you. She will explain everything. Before you ask, no, she really did die two years ago. But, she’s back.”

“And my theory sounds crazier to you,” he said, his voice barely a whisper, but slightly relieved and scared at how strong Chakwas sounded. How confident.

If he had any more doubts, though, they were quieted as the door behind Chakwas opened to reveal _her_.

Garrus swallowed, feeling panic rise up his throat. _Athena. It can’t be._

Even though she'd been there on Omega, now that he was sure it wasn't a hallucination or a spirit, it still just...floored him.

She carefully came forward, her green eyes wide on him. They looked just as he remembered, if not simply much more exhausted at the moment. Healing red scars lined over her brows and down one of her cheeks, glowing slightly. The figure looked like the Shepard he sort of remembered from the apartment standoff, and that made him sick with the reality. She paused next to the human doctor, quiet in her movements as Chakwas resumed removing the last of the bandage.

Garrus winced as he felt cool air hit the burning skin and raw plating of his mandible, cheek and throat. He swallowed, trying to hold back from shouting at the fiery pain. Chakwas stepped away for a moment, grabbing some cleansing medicines and a fresh bandage. Shepard’s eyes focused hard on the wound that Garrus could only feel; he watched a single tear force its way out of her left eye and roll noiselessly down her cheek. This close, he could smell the salt of her tear and her scent, Spirits, _her scent_. The very smell wove through his now clear senses until his body was throbbing, vibrating with need to confirm her physical existence through touch. To know _why_.

“Athena,” he said, shocking himself, voice breaking.

She stirred at her name, her eyes riveting back to his. “Hey, big guy.”

“You’re...alive.”

Shepard nodded and gave Chakwas room to attend to Garrus. The doctor ordered him not to speak until she was done. He growled low from the burning sting of the cleaning medicine and sighed at the soft bandage once it was secured. Chakwas injected his arm with dextro-painkillers and gave him a nod, with directions to let her know if he needed anything and to rest; he was probably going to also have withdrawal from the amount of stim packs he'd shot into his body, and Chakwas told him to never use the things again, not with his huge tolerance to them and the fact that he had more or less OD'd. Almost died before the rocket blast, evidenced by the levels in his blood.

As for his actual surgery, the Doctor explained that he'd gotten cybernetics grafted into part of his plating and skin to make the healing work faster and keep his functionality. Garrus was terrified as she explained the extent and severity of his injury to him in this...this reality. He was lucky to breathe, to eat, to ever speak again. Then, satisfied he'd be okay a few more minutes, Garrus and Shepard watched her leave the room, giving them privacy for a conversation they badly needed to have.

Garrus just stared at Shepard, brushing off everything else. “Explain, now that I’m not half-drugged out of my mind from a lethal dose of stim packs.”

“You don’t remember much, do you?”

“Not really,” he admitted. “I thought I honestly hallucinated the whole thing, which would make sense as...uh....”

This time it was she who asked him to explain. Garrus hedged a little, uncomfortable and nervous. “I dreamed about you almost every night for two years. There toward the end of my hold out on Omega, I started to hallucinate your voice. So seeing you appear like that, well. I thought it was just a physical form of it all. And when I saw you, actually saw you, I figured...I was on my way out, you know? So I...asked for you to come get me in the end.”

“Oh my God, Garrus. I'm so sorry.” Shepard shook her head in sadness and realization, understanding. “I knew you were overwhelmed, knew something was wrong, but if I'd known...I'd have proved the reality more somehow. Damn it. You were just so spooked that I didn't want to scare you more by...I don't know what.”

“It's...it's gonna be okay. Just...give me that explanation now, please.”

“I’m real, Garrus. Like I said before, I did get spaced...I did technically die. God, it sounds awful no matter how many times I say that,” she said, her fingers rubbing her face and neck. “An anonymous helper made sure Cerberus got my remains and, over a two year project, brought me back. Lawson, my XO on the ship, was the head of that project. Ask her any questions you have; I’ll be sure she answers them.”

“Cerberus, Shepard.” Garrus blinked in horror. Was she still the Shepard he knew? “You remember those facilities we destroyed and how nuts those scientists were. Akuze....”

The look of resentment on her face was evident even to him, a turian. “Gee, Garrus. I don’t fucking know, and I don't have any control over the situation. I’ve been told that was a different faction of Cerberus than the one that brought me back. I do know they added skin, bone, eye and muscle weaves to my body to strengthen me. Other than benefits from those, like better hearing and sight, there’s nothing new but the cybernetics making me work. Maybe I am a fucking fancy AI. Guess I'll never know the truth, even if I have memories and feelings.”

Garrus stared at her, his subharmonics humming. “Can’t be. You smell right.”

She frowned. “What?”

“Your scent is unique, and one I’ve remembered all too well these years. I couldn't...notice on Omega because the stim packs had fucked my senses so badly. I was barely conscious. But they couldn’t duplicate that on an AI, Athena. Not your scent.” He swallowed, realizing it was also his admission that he believed her to really be alive in front of him. “Your emotions to your memories...to me.... Those are all real.”

“You really think so?” Her voice was very small, and he could hear the fear in it.

Garrus nodded in pain and sadness at that fear that she wasn't even herself. “Yes. As shocked as I am to say it, you honestly are alive in front of me.”

“You’re angry.”

He sighed in frustration. It was so much more complicated than that. “Angry, confused, regretful, mournful...bitter. I grieved you for two years and nearly shot you through my scope on Omega before you spoke. I'm so glad I used the concussive round, just in case. I thought I went insane, Shepard, since I...didn't know if the Spirits would actually let you come for me in my last moments. I was waiting to die and go with you to the afterlife.”

“Hey, I was dead or unconscious for those two years. I only woke up maybe three weeks ago, Garrus. And I’ve tried to find you ever since,” she said, her voice biting, but in pain. “I'm so sorry, though. I'm so sorry. Your words scared me, and I was trying to get you to understand on Omega that I was taking you to my ship, remember?”

“Yeah, but the stim packs just messed me up. I was...lucky to still be shooting worth a damn. You...you looked for me?” Garrus almost sighed at that in relief. He had mattered that much. He knew deep down if the positions were reversed she'd be first on his mind.

“Yes, I fucking did,” she replied with emphasis. “No one knew where you were. I tried. Even ran into Tali and asked  _her_. I hadn't given up, and then I...found you as Archangel. Deep down...I wished it was you, but I just didn't think I had that kind of luck on my side.”

“Shit.” Garrus exhaled slowly. “Sorry I vanished, but...if I'd known you'd just be back in two years, I'd probably have sat on Palaven waiting. Don't blame me, okay?”

“I'm not. I just wanted you to believe me. You were my first worry when I got up.” Shepard's soft words almost danced down his nerves.

They stared at each other awkwardly in silence for moments.

All Garrus could think of was pulling her close and rubbing her with his uninjured mandible. He needed her physical touch to prove her reality. He needed her friendship, her affection. Even if it was Shepard in front of him, she was still different somehow. Angrier. He couldn't imagine what she had been through before finding him, and it pissed him off that she'd been alone. That they both had been alone.

And damn it, he was angry, too, but it would have to wait; signs of anxiety he had learned to recognize in her before were exhibiting themselves to him now: little shifts of her feet with her weight, rubbing her neck, looking at the wall.

“Athena.”

She looked up finally, her eyes strained. “Yeah?”

“I fucking missed you.” The truth, for what it was. “Every fucking day.”

A strange choking sound escaped her. “You have no idea how happy I am to hear that. I missed you so much.”

“Why wouldn’t I have missed you or still miss you?” he asked, confused.

“I got your message you sent after I died. I read it and it helped as much as it made me sad, but....” She sighed a little, rubbing one of her arms. “I guess I feel a little betrayed by people, which is dumb, but you know. I know for you it’s been two years. For me, it’s been weeks. Days. Everyone’s gone, everyone I knew and trusted and miss. I ran into Tali, who couldn’t come with me. Her squad hated me because I was with Cerberus. Everyone distrusts me because they just happened to be the only ones who did a damn thing for me, and I'm stuck with them. Now I’ve found you, and when I first saw you were Archangel, you just stared me down like I was...I don't know. Something you couldn't trust at all there at first. I mean I get it now, but.”

Garrus felt his eyes widen as far as possible. “Athena, I didn’t mean to do that. You...were all I.... I could never forget you.”

She watched him, broken. “Garrus.”

“You don’t believe me? Fine. Athena, I went to Omega because I couldn’t stand to be at home anymore and needed to do something with myself. Before that, I couldn’t be on the Citadel. I couldn’t be anywhere that I felt we had history,” he started, holding up a hand when he saw her confusion. “I know you never came to Palaven, but your scent...it’s similar to a plant back home that _just_ happened to be in bloom when I left the Citadel six months after your funeral.”

“Garrus,” she said, her voice strained.

“And I’m not going to lie to you. I’m not ready to talk about Omega yet, or what was going on with me. I'm...different, like you are, from everything. I need time. But right now, I need something else, too,” he said, his emotions painfully rising and falling in him. It hurt to breathe. It actually hurt to breathe.

Shepard shifted her weight. “Name it. I want you comfortable, and not just because I need your help against the Collectors.”

“The...Spirits, Shepard. Collectors?”

“Nasty _bug_ bastards. They’re the ones I think who attacked the first _Normandy_ and who have been abducting entire human colonies,” she explained. “I think they’re just working for the Reapers, though. They’re...why Cerberus brought me back.”

Garrus shook his head a little, desperate to deflate the situation somehow. “Never fails. You always find some ridiculous enemy and drag me into it.”

“Hey. You _asked_ to help find Saren,” she said, a smile finally cracking in her lips.

He laughed then groaned at pain from the action. “Yeah. Guess so. I’ll do whatever you need. I’ve got nothing better to do, and if you’re walking into hell again, I want to be there walking beside you. I'm never leaving your side again.”

Shepard smiled a little. “I...good. What was the thing you needed, Garrus?”

Gently he opened his arms and waited. Garrus didn’t have to wonder long if she would figure it out. He felt mixed relief and nerves as she stepped closer. He inhaled her sweet scent, eyes closing, before he felt her arms come around his cowl and pull him toward her. Garrus reopened his eyes, glanced down at her and rubbed the left side of his face against the top of her head. Shepard sighed as he moved to brush against her soft cheek. One of her palms gently rested against the bandaged part of his face while Garrus brought his hands up to frame her head, staring at it like he never had before as he swallowed loudly.

“I fucking missed you,” he whispered again. “Every damn day.”

“I missed you, too.” She smiled. “I’m here now.”

He nodded at her. “Yes, you are.”

After a moment she brought a free hand up to cover one of his own over her face, her eyes watching him. “I was so worried. I barely slept the last two days. Chakwas forced me to go to my cabin to get some sort of rest, but I couldn’t sleep. I was so fucking scared. I prayed, I begged everything to spare you...and then EDI told me you were awake.”

“EDI?”

“The new _Normandy_ ’s AI.”

Garrus jerked and looked around. “What?”

“Do not worry Officer Vakarian. I am completely programmed to recognize all registered personnel aboard this vessel as friendly and am here strictly for assistance purposes for Cerberus’s needs on the mission,” a feminine voice echoed in the room.

“Uh, hi,” he said back, a bit overwhelmed. He glanced down to Shepard to see her amused. “That thing’s going to hear our conversations.”

“EDI, audio offline please until I enter an override code from your terminal and thanks again,” Shepard ordered, watching him. “I'm getting you a medal, girl.”

“Thank you, Shepard. As you wish,” the AI replied softly and then went silent.

“A medal?” Garrus raised his brow plates. “You trust an AI?”

“Her response to me might be one reason you're still alive. She got Doc and the room prepped fast enough for you,” Shepard said, gripping his fingers lightly before dropping her hand and arms away. “Probably helped save you.”

Garrus shoved back the awe he felt at her words and still held her face, searching her. “We need to talk, A.”

“I know. What about first?”  
  
“Your last message.”

She turned very red. “Oh...yeah. You know, I tried sending others recently, but they kept getting error messages, like they couldn't be sent properly.”

“Sorry, A. I put a filter to restrict access to my account from everyone when I went to Omega. Just wanted left alone. But...listen. I’ve dreamed all the ways that conversation we never had could go, Athena. I want to have it.”

Shepard nodded as he let go of her face. “Perhaps in my quarters when you’re feeling better. You seriously don't know how lucky you are to be alive. I want you healthy and rested first, Garrus.”

“No, Athena. Now.” He sighed a little. “I know that sounds pushy and whatnot, but humor me. If we got blasted now by the Collectors, I'd come back from the grave like a damned Reaper from being denied again. Please.”

With a slight snort at his understandably frustrated joke, she walked past him to sit on an opposite bed, facing him as she did so. He shifted on his bed to see her, dangling his legs over the side. Garrus swallowed as he waited. Shepard rubbed her hands together.

“I’m not sure where to start,” she finally said.

He grinned, feeling lighter than he had in years in that second, but flinched afterward from using his right mandible so much. The painkillers were numbing him rather nicely at this point, but the pain was still a low dull throb. “A nervous Shepard. I like it.”

“Shut up,” she growled with a laugh. Shepard looked up, a small smile gracing her lips. “We’ve been through a lot. By the looks of things, more are on the way.”

“Yep.”

“And.... Well. To be honest, I’m terrified, Garrus. I’m scared of you being around for these enemies, just as I’m scared at the idea of you being home and attacked by anything. I don’t know what’s worse—keeping you where you’ll be in fire, but close to me, or sending you somewhere safer where I can’t be around you,” she began.

Garrus couldn’t stop the reassuring hum from entering his subharmonics. Shepard looked sharply to him at the sound. “Did you hear that?” he asked, curious.

“Yes. It was...strange. Reminds me of a certain bird thrumming noise back on Earth.”

He nodded. “A reassuring subharmonic. So, you really can hear better now, huh.”

“Looks like it,” she answered, eyes sliding a little. “I heard your...cries earlier, too. Almost kills me, that sad, pretty sound.”

“I...it's okay, A,” he said, not completely opposed to the idea of having more communication methods, that she could hear him so much more. “I’ll have to be careful. You might be able to read my feelings much easier if you figure them out.”

Shepard smiled at him. “Funny,” she said, rolling her neck and popping it. “Anyways, we’ve known each other quite some time now, discounting the time I was...indisposed.”

“We have.”

“And so have gotten to understand one another well, I think,” she continued.

“Yes,” he agreed. Garrus felt his heart begin to race as he heard hers pick up in pace. _Tell me. Say it._

Shepard exhaled slowly. “You’re my best friend, Garrus. And I—”

Garrus swallowed, debating to show his frustrations at that phrase that had once meant so much to him. He interrupted her, unable to hear her rejection without declaring his own feelings. “I know, A.” He glanced down to his talons, seeing them curl into his palms. _Tell her_ , his brain argued. “I wish I could accept only that.”

Shepard’s eyes grew as big as saucers. “Garrus.”

“Two years, Athena. I spent two years mourning you—my best friend, respected commander, and more.” Garrus shifted and tried to move to stand. “Spirits. Don’t you get it? Being your best friend isn’t enough anymore for me, and once, I was pretty sure it wasn't enough for you, either.”

She reached out to grab him in shock. She could tell, then, that he was trying to put distance between them. “Garrus?” It was a question now.

“I’m done playing, Shepard. You’re alive, walking into another possible death trap of a mission, with this one being most likely suicide. So, either things change between us, as they were going to before and we...get together or something, or I’m just another team member. I can't keep my feelings hanging around for what-ifs and maybes now. They stay or they go, even if it kills a part of me to do it. I’ll let you think about it,” he growled out, feeling his emotions on the surface and hating it greatly. Turians, especially males, rarely let that sort of thing happen, and the last two years had made him absolutely raw.

“Garrus....” The worry in her voice marred with another tone, one he couldn’t make out for certain.

He shifted, feeling his nerves on fire and panic lick at his limbs. “I’m getting out of this room.”

As he made to move, Shepard’s hand grabbed his forearm. “You’re still recuperating,” she finally mustered.

“I’ll be fine,” he replied, voice seemingly empty. Garrus could feel the stress hormones rising, and it worried him. He was too weak to do anything about it.

“Just stay, please. I’ll go.” She released her hold on his arm.

Garrus eyed her. This was her ship, and she was the one leaving the room? Perhaps dying had changed her more than she knew.

She sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “Look, Garrus. First, you didn't let me finish—I do want things. I want _you_. But we have so much we have to talk about first. You just threw...a lot at me. I get that you’re probably feeling somewhat betrayed by the knowledge that I came back and you didn’t know. I can’t say anything more to that except what I already have—how I wanted to find you first. As for the rest...I need to think. With the current mission, I have no idea how this will go. It’s not about what I want in life anymore. It’s about saving everyone else. But I...I do want an us. I just, God, I don't know what's right anymore.”

“Yeah, I get that, but you still deserve your own fucking life,” he growled out, beyond agitated at her last words despite the little hope in his chest to get her past them. Hearing her say she wanted him was like needed air rushing into his lungs. “Stop with the putting your life on the back-burner shit. It’s really simple. Either you still have feelings for me or you don’t. No one else, nothing else matters more than that right now.”

“I just told you I fucking do! Don't you listen? Why are you pushing this so hard right now?” she ground out, rubbing her eyes. “Just take a fucking second to _breathe_ and remember you almost weren't here! That you almost died _in my arms!_ ”

Garrus snapped from the stress and shouted loudly in her face, fueled by resentment he had felt earlier bubbling inside.

_“You died!”_

The hoarse cry tore from him before he could stop it and he turned, slamming his fist onto the bed next to him. Another low keen leaked out, causing Garrus to shake. “You...you promised.... Two fucking years without you, Athena. I lied in my message about needing help—I thought if I admitted how bad it was that I'd sound creepy, but...I almost went insane. I know that's crazy, and I've spent all that time trying to figure out _how_ it affected me so fucking bad, but it _did,_ all right! I _needed_ you!”

“I'm _sorry, Garrus!_ ” She shouted back, her own voice tense and her body shaking just as much. “Garrus, you _can’t imagine_ how I felt when I came to, knowing you’d been alone for two years. Knowing I _had died_ leaving the question of...the nature of our relationship hanging for you to interpret and then lose all possibility of discovering. When I realized you could still be _out there alone._ All I wanted was you. Just you. You were my last...thought...when I.... I saw your face, and I just....”

He slowly turned to look at her, heart tight in his chest at the confession. Shepard’s eyes were filled with unshed, angry tears, and her own fists were balled tightly. Yet, beyond the pain, rage and regret, Garrus could smell something different—she needed him. She wanted him, desired him. He exhaled and stepped forward. Shepard stilled as she was pulled against him tightly enough that the bottoms of his mandibles dug into her head. Garrus’s hands were bound to her arms, as he didn’t move. They stayed that way in the quiet for some moments.

It didn’t take long for her to break. Shepard melted, nearly losing her footing, as hot, furious tears touched against Garrus’s throat and the edge of his cowl where the medical gown covered him.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, knowing he’d crossed some lines in his emotional frustration. “Two years without getting to do this simple human action to you. I feel robbed.”

Shepard couldn’t suppress the small, choking laugh as she continued to sob. “ _You_ feel robbed.”

“I do.” Garrus brushed his chin carefully over her hair before pulling away to look at her.

With a small grin, he bared the good side of his throat to her, telling her he was still single, showing the side she could mark if they ever bonded. Even though he knew that thought was getting way too deep and ahead of himself, it had crossed many of his dreams in her disappearance; such a thing had made him think he'd really been losing it after all. Hell, Chellick had already thought he'd gone for it and he'd bared it for her much earlier than that. So maybe it wasn't...so crazy an idea for someday. Maybe. But he knew it helped that he was on some good painkillers at the moment for him to be so open.

She looked at the gesture curiously. Garrus shook a little from arousal and heaviness of the meds as she brought one small hand up to lightly stroke down his neck. Her hearing may have been upgraded, but her nose was still human. He thanked the Spirits. She didn’t need to smell how strong his pheromones were getting.

Shepard gave a tiny smile as she continued gently stroking his throat in a way that made him want to just lay down and relax forever. “You’ve done that to me before, back on the first _Normandy_.”

“Hell, I did, didn’t I? Only then I did it without thinking. Thinking made me panic afterward. But I’ve thought it out for, well, years now. So.” He thought back to the moment she was remembering—in the cargo bay, after they’d returned from the Citadel and his brief angry conversation with Chellick. Damn Chellick. But he couldn't, not really. If it hadn't been for Chellick's own attraction, Garrus may have never realized he held his own torch for Shepard.

“Chellick showed me his throat like that, at least twice. If he did it, too, then it must mean something important for turians, right?” Shepard laughed to herself. “Caios didn’t teach me about a lot of things, probably because I was young and...I don't know if he ever expected me to end up with a turian. A hundred credits says he probably wouldn't have been surprised, though.”

Garrus smiled inwardly at her words and briefly lifted his jaw as he lifted one talon tip up to point at his throat. “Athena, what do you see?”

“Your throat.”

“Anything else?”

She eyed him, like it was a trick question. “No.”

“Exactly.”

Shepard tossed her hands in the air. “Give me five minutes with my omni-tool and I’ll figure it out.”

“There is no scar, Athena,” he quickly replied.

“No scar? Why would there be a—” she paused, mouth slightly open. “You mark your mates. That’s it, isn’t it?”

Garrus nodded, wincing in pain. “Yes. It's...a way to show our...status.”

“...oh. Why did you never move on?” She understood. Good.

And he remembered that she'd read his message, where he didn't feel he could but maybe possibly one far day someone would be worth it. Garrus had known though, even as he'd written that message out: He couldn't really, not even when they'd never dated. She'd been...too special, and they had been through a lot together. He'd been on a beautiful verge when she'd died, something life changing, and he'd known it the day she'd left.

“Because....” he couldn’t finish that thought.

A relationship with her was one thing, but Garrus had no idea if his deeper feelings, ones that would need to be furthered enough for a bonding requirement, would ever be returned to the same extent, if it was possible or if she'd be too frightened. She'd just woken, like her spacing hadn't even happened.

And, well, because in every turian female he had seen nothing, and in every red-fringed human woman he had seen her.

“Because what?”

Thinking cleverly, he rolled his shoulders. “You forgot to draw me.”

Instantly she turned red. “I’m sure someone else could have.”

“It wouldn’t have been the same, A. Not without it being you flustered throughout the process,” he teased, feeling lighter in his mood. He laughed a little when she mock punched his shoulder so lightly her knuckles barely brushed him. One deep breath later and he forced himself to state it blatantly to her. “Not with you being the one I want...the one I need. Shepard, I never expected to...feel this way for anyone, but I do for you.”

“I thought you didn’t like humans,” she teased back, but her voice had changed a little. Quivered in relief and happiness, if he'd heard right, and he knew he had by her eyes.

“Shepard, I’m not going to pretend I have a human fetish by any means. You, on the other hand, are something else. Chellick was right. I don’t have to be attracted to an entire species to feel something special for one of its members,” he explained, shifting a little when she took an unexpected step toward him. “But you, Shepard...it’s different. _You’re_ different. I've always known that about you. You're...everything to me. When you died it was like this...this hole tore open in me that I didn't even know could happen.”

“You mean this, Garrus?” Her voice was hesitant as she looked up into his face. “Everything you wrote me, too?”

He nodded. “Yes, I do.”

Spirits was he nervous. Still, it felt good to admit the truth.

Garrus held his breath as she leaned inward.

He couldn’t believe how close she was growing to his face—so much so that he could get strong whiffs of her scent and feel her hair brush his chin. He knew what he was hoping she would do.

He closed his eyes when she angled her face and almost felt his heart jump; Shepard had pressed her lips over his bandaged mandible and cheek, twice, in a sweet but almost imperceptible pressuring move.

Kisses, he thought, like they had shared before they’d parted on the Citadel.

It was hard to fight the bittersweet feeling of them as he never thought he’d feel that again; but the kiss he remembered most was different than these. More powerful.

Carefully he turned his face and pressed against her soft, fleshy lips, causing her to sigh. She stroked the good side of his throat again, obviously unsure of how to touch him with his injury. Each time he felt her back off, he kissed her again, hands rubbing down her arms and then touching her jaw. Shepard pushed harder, her mouth opening a little over his. Garrus didn't stop the low vibrations in his throat, the need he felt.

They parted finally, and Shepard took a deep breath.

“Spirits, I missed that,” Garrus admitted and pulled her against him, stroking her back and her cheek. “They're addictive.”

“Yeah, they are.” She smiled a little at him, letting him know she'd appreciated his insistence, his move, before her gaze became serious. Shepard focused on his injured cheek. “This scared me, Garrus. I thought you were going to die...and I realized that if you did, well. I wasn’t sure I’d have it in me to do all this. Not without you, not if you died and weren't just out there waiting somewhere. You matter too much. If I'd lost you like that...I might have gone insane.”

“I know you said you want things—want me, a real, full relationship. Awkward emotions and even more awkward physical stuff. You're absolutely sure? I can't deal with a simple fling, Shepard, not with you, so I...just wanna be sure we're on a similar level here with that.” He couldn’t help it. His voice cracked with hope...with need. “Being unsure before was what caused so much crap between us to mess up.”

Shepard gave a light sigh and lay her face against his carapace, rubbing her cheek there. It was so...so turian, so loving, that he felt the happy rumbling vibrate his chest before he even recognized what it was—contentment and rightness, everything that had been missing since she was spaced starting to heal. “Yes, Garrus. I...always have wanted it. We’ve got some time to...talk more about this stuff. About us. Let’s take this a little slow for now, if that’s okay with you. I still need to focus on recruitment for the team and making it to at least the last mission start. You have to have time to heal. Seriously! But I want you. I want an us—a real relationship.”

Garrus couldn’t contain the relief in him and heard the trill in his subharmonics echo quietly. She pulled back to look at him and smiled upon hearing it. “You’re okay with that, I assume?”

“Yes, A. So long as, uh...you’re not going to recruit another turian, are you?”

“Are you worried I might become a fan of another turian, Garrus?” she teased, her eyes lively for the first time since Omega. 

Garrus growled, playfully. "Maybe. So long as you remember who your _favorite_ is and what that  _means_ , woman."

In all honesty, though, Garrus didn't think even a turian like Chellick would go that far despite having feelings as he claimed to have, not when Shepard had made clear back then she'd had “stuff” going on with Garrus. He tried not to trill again when he smelled her arousal increase at his possessiveness. Good.

Still, he sighed in thought and shifted awkwardly. “I'm just...territorial. What if you meet another good looking turian without scars? I don’t think I’m as handsome anymore, if the burning on my face and throat is any indication that I’m going to have major markings. Lucky I can even talk at all.”

“So what, Garrus? Scars can be quite sexy. And you’ll always be handsome to me. I'm too fucking happy you're breathing and arguing with me to care if you have scars under that bandage. If you couldn't talk anymore, I'd still be here with you. So shut up and accept me.” Shepard forced him to lay back on his bed. Garrus angled his head a little, lying on his left cheek against the upright pillow to be comfortable. He closed his eyes when her fingers ran over his face, tracing his brow. “No one else matters like you do, Garrus. You don’t have to worry. You are...my one to figure out. There is no Shepard without Vakarian.”

“Thank the Spirits,” he murmured, feeling fuzzy from the medicine and flushed from her repeating his own words back to him. “Stay with me a moment, until I’m out. I hate sounding so needy, Athena, but given the circumstances.... Just don’t tell anyone, um...babe.”

“Babe. I like that.” With a light feminine laugh, Shepard stood closer, running one hand still over his face and letting the fingers of her free hand drift over one of his hands. Garrus opened his palm and felt her weave her fingers around and in between his own before gripping gently.

“I’m here, honey,” she whispered. “I'll never let you go.”

Garrus cracked a blue eye open to view her, this amazing human female who was not dead and not a hallucination, not a Spirit come to take him to death, but rather very much alive and back in his life and maybe, just maybe the woman he was gonna die loving someday.

“I fucking missed you so much,” he whispered, his voice cracking a little into a soft keen. “Part of me was...gone without you. I don't want to wake up from this if it's a dream. Please don't let it be one—I can't fucking handle this if it's not real.”

He couldn’t miss the wetness in her eyes. “I know what you mean, Garrus. I’m so sorry. I missed you, too. And you're awake. I swear on your gun.”

“It's not your fault. Though I almost killed Joker, it wasn’t his either. We’re going to take out these Collectors for personal and moral reasons, together.”

“I’m glad you didn’t kill Joker, Garrus, 'cause he's upstairs.” She squeezed his hand, still tracing around his brow. If he hadn’t been so tired, the touches would have been enough stimuli to provoke a reaction from him.

“Just do me one favor, Athena,” he said quietly, shuddering slightly at the contact.

“What’s that?”

Garrus blinked as he looked up. “Never leave me again. I get if you need to take team members out on missions. But I expect you to always come back to me. Promise me and don't break it this time.”

“Realistically you know that's hard, but....” Shepard bent and rubbed her cheek against his left mandible, causing him to sigh. “I'll do _anything_ to make sure my word stays true. I promise that, big guy.”

Garrus squeezed her hand again before letting himself slowly drift to rest. The last thing he felt before he finally fell asleep was the continuous brushing of her fingers over his brow and more light kisses from her wonderful human lips.

 

 


	17. Adjust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

Shepard watched Garrus rest for a while, still in shock.

Not only had she found him when she thought she never would, but he had survived a horrible event, one that tore her up inside when she'd realized he'd thought her an angel of sorts coming for him—and all he cared about was her, not the fact that he took a rocket blast to the face or that he was going to help her fight against the Collectors. He just wanted to be near her... _with_ her.

Together.

It broke her heart as much as it made her happy, and she'd cried a little while she rested her cheek to his sleeping face.

She’d had dreams back before being spaced that she would somehow get to hear words she longed to from him about wanting and needing her. It felt so good to know that all of those feelings she had built up for him over the course of catching Saren had been reciprocated, regardless of him typically not being attracted to her species. For that, though, she was kind of grateful. If they really got serious, she’d never have to worry about him running off with another human.

Still, she was terrified. What if he got hurt again? She knew as reckless and angry as she felt from being alive and feeling spurned by the Alliance and just everything that she would have to be extra careful on any future missions, just for Garrus’s sake. But if he got another injury like this...well. She wasn’t sure she’d be able to handle it.

Shepard stroked his face as she felt him squeeze her hand in his grasp.

She thought back to Omega, right when he’d been hit, and how her heart had jumped to her throat; of how she had literally screamed his name and angrily ordered Miranda and Mordin to save him. That anger, that terror, may have been the only thing stopping either of them from commenting on the fact that she had silently cried the whole way to the medbay with Garrus’s unconscious body. Hell, Chakwas had had to force her physically from the medbay to perform the surgery. She'd paced for hours in the mess, not caring that other Cerberus personnel were watching, some even concerned. The moment he'd been declared in the safe zone, she'd collapsed into a seat by one of the tables and shakily exhaled so long she wasn't sure she'd stop.

And when Mordin had emerged with a confident nod, Shepard had ambushed the salarian with a tight, awkward hug, then apologized, explaining she owed him more than he could know.

Mordin, sweetly enough, had shaken his head and even more sweetly, awkwardly patted her shoulder. “Part of job, Shepard. No need.”

She knew that she and Garrus would have to take this...this relationship or whatever it was between them...slow, at least at first. So much had happened to each of them, both separately and together, that they would need the time to figure things out and in his excitement he wasn't thinking about it much—not that she blamed him at all; he would never have thought he'd get this chance.

As she watched him sleep, Shepard swallowed pain. He had suffered for two years because of her loss; his anger earlier was justified, his fear that Cerberus could have done something at first, even if it hurt to admit that. And if he thought upon waking that it was possible she'd never died, had instead abandoned him in some cruel gesture, he'd of course be furious. She couldn’t imagine what he had gone through, and it killed her that he had had to feel pain of any kind at her expense.

Still...how fast had he tossed aside the suspicions? How quick had he been to _believe_ her, trust her compared to anyone else so far? Hell, if it didn't make her want to cry, she'd think more on it.

Garrus twitched a little in his sleep, and she could hear soft, low vibrations echo from him. She wasn’t sure what they meant, but she touched his brow lightly and ran her fingers back partly toward his fringe, calming and quieting him again, despite the fact that the fringe and under it were erogenous zones for the males. Maybe even in sleep he recognized her touch. “It's okay, hon. I'm still here,” she whispered near his face, catching him exhale and relax further into stillness while she kissed his brow, nose and mouth.

She couldn’t help but smile at the idea that she could now hear some of his subharmonics; perhaps he had used to feel that their conversations were half-empty and one-sided because of her limited human hearing. Perhaps that attribute was one she could honestly thank Miranda for considering in the project. The sounds were so beautiful, even his sad keens—like violins tugging at your emotions and heart strings in sadness or happiness. It just made him more beautiful, more affirmed that he was exactly what she wanted. Needed.

Chakwas reentered the new medbay, a small smile in her older light green eyes. “How is he doing?” she asked, her voice very soft to avoid waking Garrus.

Shepard smiled at her. “Sleeping now. When he feels up to it, I’ll get him in the battery. Calibrating might make him feel better, or at least give him some semblance of normality. He wanted to go earlier to avoid an argument, but I didn’t feel he was recuperated enough. T-Thank you again, Karin.”

“Shh. It's fine, dear.” The doctor nodded reassuringly, eyes soft. “Still, he is recovering at a very impressive rate. Though I performed the surgery, I have to credit Dr. Solus for that. The salarian is impressive with cybernetic work.”

“I have thanked him,” Shepard replied, glancing back down to the bandage on Garrus’s face. “Such a close call.”

“But he’s alive, as you are, Athena.” Chakwas moved to sit at her desk.

Shepard swallowed. She’d barely been able to speak to her mother over her connection, just enough to let her know she’d been revived and that she wanted to see her soon. So, having Chakwas here helped Shepard feel better. It was like having her mother nearby. “Karin, can I ask you something?”  
  
“Of course, Commander.”

“What would you think of he and I?” Shepard asked, looking at Garrus. He had tightened his grip on her hand in his sleep, and one of his fingers had rubbed against her palm. “He...made it clear it's time we move forward together as a...uh, a couple. And I can't help but agree. It's what I want.”

Chakwas shifted in her chair, head tilted. “If you care about each other, what should any one else’s thoughts matter?”

“I know. I’m just curious. I wasn't sure how many would...be supportive, even knowing our friendship. I know it's...different.”

“Ah,” the doctor replied, crossing her arms comfortably. “Well, I approve, if that’s what you’re asking. Honestly, I’m surprised you didn’t come together earlier. You make a great pair.”

Shepard winced. “Yeah. It was...danced around quite a bit, I think.”

“That is understandable, given you come from not only two different cultures, but two different species. And maybe one or both of you had never even considered such a relationship with each others' races.”

“Oh, I had but he hadn't. So that's part of it, yes. God. I wonder what his family would think. I’m sure his dad would be furious. That scares me. He doesn't need anything else messing with him right now.”

Chakwas hummed. “Perhaps it’s not the family’s business unless Garrus wishes it to be. Besides, that turian has been smitten with you for a long time...well before your victory on the Citadel, and he's our rebel, too. I don’t think he’d care.”

“You noticed?” Shepard asked, honestly surprised.

“Of course,” Chakwas smiled with a nod. Her eyes flicked to Garrus’s back. “Perk of being a doctor. I pick up lots of things no one else does.”

Shepard laughed quietly. “Such as?”

“His little anxieties around you. How upset he was after the fight with Wrex when you were angry. How I shoved his shoulder back into socket and Wrex had commended him for not telling you how badly injured he had been.” Chakwas rotated a little in her chair. “Definitely after Feros. He asked after you the moment his translator was working. He demanded I force you to take care of yourself the last time I saw him on the Citadel before we left. There are lots of little moments, Shepard. They add up.”

Shepard smiled to herself, but then swallowed. “I’m more angry that I died and he was hurt than that I died at all.”

“Everyone struggled with it, dear. We had a funeral for you, though no one could find your body or at least owned up to it. Garrus guarded the empty coffin with Wrex for a while, but then Wrex took a break...and Garrus never left its side. I'm not sure if that's partly something turians do. It was hard watching him try to hold it together when he obviously was having lots of trouble,” Chakwas admitted, her voice very quiet. The older woman blinked a few times before looking toward her. “It hurt us all that you were gone, Shepard, but aside from your mother...it struck him the hardest, I think. No being, regardless of race, simply moves on easily once the person he loves is taken from him, especially without warning.”

Across from her, Shepard’s eyes widened as she stared at Garrus’s closed eyes. “You think he cared that much?”

“That’s what I thought. I’m not entirely sure, to be honest, but I know he was a wreck for a couple months before he quit C-Sec and returned to Palaven, only to disappear from there a few months later without any indication of where he was going,” Chakwas answered. “Anderson was able to keep some intel on his locations until he departed Palaven. I always asked after him. Given all he accomplished on Omega that you spoke of, I have to wonder if he wasn’t a heartbroken turian with a death wish.”

Shepard sighed, digesting words that she herself had only lightly considered about the showdown on Omega. “I feel like I failed him.”

“Athena, you couldn’t have. You weren’t willingly spaced.”

“True.” She leaned forward and pressed her lips against Garrus’s brow, lingering the kiss for several seconds before pulling away. His plating was smooth and warm against her soft lips, and he hummed in sleep in response. “I just don’t want to screw this up or ruin our friendship.”

“Doubt you can, Commander. He’s stubborn, just like you. I believe there is a saying somewhere in turian culture that bonds transcend and mates are eternal. Turians, when they do wish to commit, are in it all the way.”

“That they are,” Shepard smiled, thinking back to how even after years with her family, Caios still talked to his mate and son in his sleep. That he only stayed with the Alliance to spare them the humiliation of his punishment should he return from exile. But he'd never let go of his love, and he'd never allowed anything to distract him. Just imagining such devotion from Garrus was awing, especially since she could just _see_ it happening. “Good point, Doc.”

 

\--------------------------------

 

Shepard managed to sleep a little on the other bed next to Garrus before getting up and grabbing a quick snack from Gardner, the thankfully friendly Cerberus chef and maintenance man assigned to the _SR2_. She returned to the medbay, tossing the last bit of apple core into the trash. Garrus was sitting up on the bed as Chakwas checked his bandage over.

“Healing better. I want you to wear this bandage always, except for one hour every day when you change it for the next couple of months. It will help the scarring and healing processes, keep dirt out of the cybernetics and whatnot,” the doctor ordered, stepping back from Garrus. “We will have to watch for infection carefully for a few weeks.”  
  
She sat a cream next to him to put on the wound to also prevent infection, and it included in its compound a mild topical painkiller. He adjusted and slid the medical gown off of him, showing his bared chest and under armor pants.

Shepard allowed her eyes to trail over his chest now that she was sure he was going to be okay—and since he had openly declared they were going to be a thing.  
  
Sure, she'd seen him that night after the bar, back after Sovereign’s take down. But this was different; she was sober and not afraid to look now. Thinking about how determined he had been when he’d said friendship wasn’t enough anymore, well, it got her warm in some areas.  
  
She took in the silvery plating over his cowl, a bony-like ridge that wound around below his neck and behind his throat in a circle, and the raised area of his carapace, which looked sort of like an old human armor chest piece that grew out of his skin and formed beneath the cowl wrapping around slightly under his arms and faded away into his abdomen; his stomach was comprised of outlined muscle that formed around the faded, small “v” of the plating above. The skin around them looked much like that of his neck—a kind of soft leather with a fine layer of almost suede in spots. His shoulders had larger, but thin plating on them which covered part of his strong, rounder muscles. Long, roped arm muscles, sharp elbows, and gleaming dark talons on those broad, alien hands.  
  
Rather than see him as a terrifying predator, Shepard’s mind saw the beauty and raw sexual energy in his pointed, shining form, and immediately she had to quell the urge to draw him or do inappropriate interspecies things. She was so excited about what was going to come in their relationship change.

Garrus tilted his head, having heard the little sound that had escaped her. His eyes lit up as they focused on her. Perhaps feeling humorous, she watched him flash her a smile, mostly with his good mandible, and then stretch, showing her his throat. Shepard felt her face heat up a little and shook her head at him with a smile. She'd have to ask if there was anyway to say he was in a relationship without a mate mark.

“How is he, Doc?” she asked, stepping a little closer.

Chakwas had turned, looking down at a datapad in her hand. “Better. Still needs lots of rest and observation, but I recommend a good warm meal. Speak with Gardner.”

“Will do,” Shepard replied, eyeing him. “You up for eating and checking out the ship, big guy?”

Garrus slowly pushed himself off the bed and stood before her. “Yes. Get me out of this room,” he teased, glancing toward the doctor who had laughed.

Shepard smiled. “Can do. I had one of my Cerberus guys sneak back into your old apartment while I was here with you. Jacob retrieved two bags of yours, so I can go grab a shirt for you really quick if you want, though I’m sure you’ll just change into armor or whatever after taking a careful shower.”

“Yeah. Bit worried about scalding hot water that I like on this wound,” he answered. He stepped forward. “Bring me a shirt and we’ll walk around while whomever it is preps me something.”

Shepard gave him a quick nod and spun on her heel, heading toward the main battery. Jacob had sat Garrus’s things near the cot on the right side of the entrance. She opened the first bag and found several armor-piercing ammo clips as well as a box displaying a modified scope and some clothing. Curious, Shepard glanced to the other bag and the Mantis crate beside her. Next to them was his armor, repaired as much as possible by Jacob, and his visor. A tiny edge of paper was sticking out of a hidden interior pocket, catching her eye. Shepard leaned forward and pulled on it, carefully tugging it out and opening it. What she saw made her sigh. It was the drawing she had done of herself, the one she had given to him the last time they had spoken.  
  
He had carried it in his armor. He had carried _her_ with him.

She forced down mixed feelings of pain and sweetness and placed the sketch back in its hidden location. Shepard quickly drifted through the other bag, making sure there was other under armor clothing and grabbed some civilian clothes.

Quietly, she put the shirt back, zipped both bags, and left the battery with the clean civilian clothes. She handed them to him and stepped once more outside of the darkened medbay with the doctor so he could change.

“Gardner, I need a good healthy dextro meal. Our turian friend needs a pick me up,” Shepard called across the mess.

“Glad to hear it.” The older man laughed and turned, beginning to grab for different items. “All right, Commander.”

Shepard smiled over at him and sighed a little as the medbay door opened behind her. She could hear Garrus step close and then felt light pressure from his hand resting intimately on her lower back, firm and real.

“What’s up?”

“Getting a meal prepped for you. Ready to take a walk?” She turned to look up at him, surprised by the nice blue clothes. He looked handsome, even in partial under armor suiting.

He nodded. “Yeah. After that, and I eat, I will take a shower. Plating feels a bit itchy.”

“All right.”

Their first stop was down in engineering. Shepard showed him the two different cargo hold areas and let him view out over the new shuttle bay. Garrus had laughed, surprised by how large the new _Normandy_ was. She took him below engineering and then inside. Garrus was introduced to the two Cerberus engineers, Ken Donnelly and Gabby Daniels. Both were friendly, especially once Ken realized Garrus played Skyllian Five. A game was promised in the near future, and they progressed near the engine core. Garrus stared up at it in awe.

It took him a while to leave it and head up to the CIC. There he met Jacob and Mordin, whom he thanked for their helping him while he was indisposed, and then they approached the cockpit.

“Garrus,” Joker said, greeting him. The pilot’s chair swung around to face them.

The turian had stilled a little beside Shepard. “Hey, Joker.”

Silence reigned for a few moments before Joker coughed. “Just want you to know I’m on top of things.”

“Good,” Garrus commented, relaxing some.

Shepard wasn’t sure how damaged their relationship had become because of her death, but she didn’t want the damage to linger. “Mend fences, guys. I’m going to need you both.”

Garrus and Joker had made small polite conversation after that for some time, though naturally Fornax had come up. She'd blushed and stuck her fingers in her ears. Eventually Shepard was able to pull Garrus from the cockpit and rode the elevator with him up to her cabin on the first floor.

He followed her out of the elevator, confused. “What’s up here?”

“My new quarters, with a nicer bed. Still a smidge firmer than I'd like, but nicer and not that horrible military grade stuff.” Shepard grinned and stepped through the door.

Garrus smirked before he stepped inside, a bit overwhelmed. He looked around the room, his eyes glancing subtly to the bed and his neck coloring darker as he did. She fought the light blush warming her face. Seemed they were both having awkward thoughts. “It’s huge, Athena. And is that a fish tank?”

“Yeah. Haven’t decided what to put in there,” she admitted. Shepard shifted in her stance a little. “Listen, Garrus. Given everything, if you want to, uh...use my private shower in here to clean up, please do.”

He turned to look at her, brow plates rising and moving. “Oh?”  
  
She nodded. “Yeah.”

Shepard sighed a little as Garrus grew closer and took her hands in his. “One time offer, A.?”

“We’ll see,” she teased, happy to see him attempt a smile. “Honestly, if you want to just go ahead and get it, I’ll get that food brought up here.”

“Room service and everything, huh? Getting injured does have benefits,” he said, teasing, plates resting in jest.

She rolled her eyes. “Only because I like you.”

“Ah. So being the object of your affection comes with perks. Good to know.” Garrus let go of one of her hands and gently touched her face, his hands bare of gloves traditionally worn with clothing. “So what are we going to do, Athena? Flirt a little and maybe have some dinner? How does this work out?”

“I don’t know about you, but being able to say I have a turian boyfriend might just be the coolest thing ever.” Shepard delighted in seeing his eyes widen.

Garrus dropped his face a little and raised a brow in a sexual come-hither look, his soft cooing noises coming from him. She fought the urge to twitch as her left knee got weak. “Why, Athena. I’m not sure how to work an interspecies relationship, but it’s what I want. We’ll figure it out.” Vibrations from him ran through her nerves as he continued, face lowered closer to hers. “I’ve got some research to do, it looks like.”

“For?” she asked, distracted by how close his face had come to hers. Damn, it was hard not to just kiss him.

Garrus smirked. “Oh, I don’t know. Anything that you might need or expect in a relationship...and more.”

Shepard swallowed, feeling excited and nervous at the implication. “More?”

His hands came to her waist, pulling her against him; his thumbs stroked down her sides sensually, stealing her breath. Garrus rested his chin above her hair, rubbing it slightly. “When we’re ready. I want to be that turian for you, Shepard. I knew when I took you to that bar that I’d made a mistake. I hadn't wanted to see you leave with anyone but me, and I only took you because I wasn't...sure about a lot—how you felt, especially. I wanted you happy. When you left with him, I got drunker than I ever had until that point just to numb myself.”

“Damn it, Garrus, why didn’t you just tell me this?” Shepard punched against his upper chest slightly in frustration, but she laughed all the same. She let her arms slide around his back and held him, tentatively at first and then tighter as he squeezed her to him. The novelty of it was almost explosive inside of her. How many times had they held one another so far? Very few. Very precious few times. And with this tension, maybe twice.

“Wasn’t so sure you honestly wanted me. Thought friendship mattered too much.” Garrus’s voice had grown soft and tense, probably as he thought back to their heated conversation before he slept. “Even knowing you had a thing for turians like me wasn’t enough to convince me of the possibility then. I mean, I had an idea...I hoped that night after the bar since you seemed receptive, but...it wasn't until that next day and the later kiss you gave me with your messages that I was absolutely sure we felt similar level stuff.”

Shepard rubbed her cheek against his cowl in response, earning a light rumbling noise for her efforts. She repeated her action just to hear the rumbling continue. “Yeah, well, I was always honest with you. And I thought you weren’t attracted to humans, so I never pursued anything. Figured doing so would make you uncomfortable.”

“Well, damn me then, indeed.” Garrus hugged her a few moments longer before he pulled back. “I think I will take you up on that shower offer, if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all. I’ll go check with Gardner.” Shepard smiled and moved to leave but was halted by a strong grip on her shoulder.

“Think you’ll ever join me sometime?” he asked, nervous humor in his voice.

Shepard laughed. “When I have enough nerve, yeah, big guy.”

Garrus let her go at that, head tilted back in an angle, watching with amusement as she blushed and boarded the elevator.

 


	18. Official

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

Garrus glanced over the now empty plate which had held delicious smelling dinner the human cook had made him.

After the hot shower, during which he’d been very careful not to wet his bandage, he had eaten the surprisingly good dextro meal in Shepard’s cabin. They’d teased and talked for some time; Garrus knew they were each trying to make up for the lost time of the last two years. She seemed more like herself now, less angry, yet a bit shyer than she used to be. Beautiful even with those red scars that Doc claimed could fade out as she kept healing.

All the same, Garrus couldn’t stop feeling lighter: She was alive, and they were finally talking about the pent up feelings. He was admittedly nervous, but he was excited to see how it would go, even in the face of the daunting Collector mission.

“Are we...crazy?” he asked as he sat his plate on her small table near the couches.

Shepard snorted. “Pick a reason.”

Garrus chuckled and leaned back, debating if he should make any sort of moves or if that would be too fast. “Mm. This...interspecies thing is sure up there.”

“Interspecies thing. Christ, Garrus.” Shepard broke into a laugh to his right and grinned, the sight warming him.

“Well, what _do_ we call it besides a relationship? I'm sure the terms exchange on some level, but you know. Never been in this situation before. Maybe I should ask Chellick.”

“God, he'd shit a big one.”

Garrus winced as he laughed and his face hurt. He'd probably need to get some meds from the Doc soon. “Ow.”

“Oh...crap. Sorry, hon.” Shepard reached up lightly and stroked over the bandage enough that he could feel the slightest pressure from her fingers.

Garrus eyed her, his heart in his throat, as he gently slid his hand over her small one and held it there. “I didn't thank you...for saving my life.”

“No need.”

“Shepard.”

She sighed and stroked his cheek over the bandage. “Mordin and Chakwas are the reasons you're still here.”

“They saved my ass in surgery, yeah, but if you hadn't come...I'd be dead either way, Shepard.” Garrus shuddered and leaned into their hands. “I was so close to...to losing you again. I...barely remember you begging me not to go. Spirits, it still scares me.”

“Shh,” she whispered and tilted his chin with her free fingers, lips gently brushing his mouth once. “It's all right. We're safe now.”

“How...how is this real? Any of it? You can tell me over and over again about your coma, but look at it from my view, A.”

“It just is, Garrus. Are you unhappy?”

Garrus blinked. “No. I could never be unhappy with you alive.”

“I think that's a stretch, hon, but I'll let it slide for romantic points.” Shepard winked and rubbed his left cheek, fingers dancing up higher to his brow. “So warm."

“Yeah,” he softly replied, thinking back to her story on the first ship about her first time touching Caios's face in her childhood. “How do you see me the way you do, Shepard?”

Shepard blinked in thought as she stroked her thumb over his brow. “Garrus, that's like asking how I breathe. I just do.”

“Humor me. Distract me from my worries.”

“Hm. Well, for starters you...ugh, you have such a pretty face, even with scars and bandages,” Shepard teased and kissed his nose. “I love it so much—your coloring, your markings, and especially your eyes. Goddamn, Vakarian, you have some sexy eyes.”

Garrus almost vibrated with raw emotional subharmonics as they danced through him in happiness. In pride. “Go on.”

“Wow, Garrus,” Shepard laughed at him. “Fine. I like...I like the way your mandibles lay softly to your face when you think or slide up when you smirk sometimes. How your eyes give away your emotions so I can see best. How beautiful these sounds I'm hearing now are. How slim your face is, how symmetrical in shape. And I _love_ how tall you are, how much bigger you are than me. It's so sexy.”

“Mm. Good.” Garrus leaned forward and nuzzled the side of her face, enjoying her sigh at his attention while he dropped his nose into her throat and nuzzled again there.

“Could ask you the same question, big guy,” she softly, sensually spoke in his hidden ear.

Garrus rubbed his nose under her jaw once and leaned back. Shepard straightened a little next to him, a bit embarrassed if her reddened cheeks were still a reliable indicator. Deciding to experiment a little, Garrus slid his arm around her and pulled her close, enjoying the way she collapsed gently to his chest and stuck her arms around his stomach. “I like how red your fringe is. I've never seen anything quite like that. I also like how soft your skin is each time I touch it—makes me wonder how your kind have survived so long.”

“Point,” she agreed below him.

“What else...oh, I like your eyes, too. They're pretty, and it helps when they're expressive for me. Same with the sounds you make or the way you tone your voice when we talk. All of that helps.”

“Glad it does.”

Garrus snickered. “Wanna know something I _really_ like?”

“Spill it,” she urged, laughing under his chin.

“Your...waist. It's so...supportive. So narrow and yet full and just, ugh. I love it. Have for quite a while now.”

“Oh?” Shepard angled her face up, curious and smiling. “That a turian thing?”

“Oh yeah. Straight guys love females with supportive waists. Gays probably like the same stuff on males or females they find attractive, too. Just a turian thing. Sexy shit, A.” Garrus rested his head back to the wall, loving the feel of her in his arms as they held one another still. “So you never answered me earlier. Are we crazy?”

“Absolutely. The best kind.”

“Good.” Garrus shifted a little in nervousness. “Hey, Athena?”

Shepard looked up, green eyes very open. “What?”

“I, uh. I don't want to...to push...you. I know we need to take things slow for all kinds of reasons and we at least agreed to getting into a relationship, and I'm fine with that, but....” Garrus inhaled for a moment. “Would you mind if we made it official, though, while we figure it out? I just...I don't want...the idea that something could happen and that chance getting lost again scares the crap out of me. I want to know without question.”

She slid her arms so she could kneel at his side. Shepard took his face in her hands, gently rubbing his jaw. “I understand, Garrus. It's okay.”

“Thank Spirits. I didn't want to sound like an impatient ass.”

“You don't.”

“Good.”

“So....”

Garrus smiled. “What's on your mind?”

Shepard shrugged a little, fingers lightly caressing his throat as one hand still held his jaw. “Could you...ask?”

“Hm?”

“You know—ask me. Officially. It's not something that's really happened before with me much, and it's kinda something romantic. Nice.”

He nodded in realization. “Sure, A.”

“Thanks. Sound stupid, don't I?”

“Nope. Not if I don't for pushing.” Garrus wrapped his arms slowly around her waist and pulled her even closer, his chin resting a little against her chest. Shepard made a soft, interesting noise that he cataloged to review later. He sputtered then, a little nervous as he looked up at her. “If losing you taught me anything, it's that what I felt wasn't simple or easy to shrug off. I want you, Shepard. Will you...be with me? Will you see where this can go?”

“Yes,” she whispered and kissed him, both of them moaning a little and laughing afterward. Green eyes bore into him. “Garrus...I've wanted this for so long. Thanks for pushing.”

“Anytime, babe,” he quietly said and nudged against her lips again for another kiss. “Just glad you're mine. Now if I can figure out what all that entails, I'll be satisfied. But knowing you're mine...heh...wow. It just amazes me.”

“I know how you feel. Garrus, I've been yours for a while,” she replied and amazed him more.

Garrus smiled with a hint of sadness. “I...same here, babe.”

“Really?” Shepard asked cautiously.

“Yeah. Ever since I met you. Nothing could capture my attention for a long time until I met you.” Garrus smirked a little, ego soothed and happy. “So. What's it like dating Archangel, Shepard?”

“I'll let you know. So far it's freaking awesome. How about you? What's it like having Commander Shepard as your girlfriend, Garrus?” Shepard teased and caressed his face. “Think you can handle it?”

Garrus forced the groan down. “It's...hot. Fucking hot. Mm, other guys can _only wish_ to be me.”

“Good answer, big guy.”

“Truth, Shepard. I'm the happiest turian alive,” Garrus regarded her with a small smile, then sighed as she hugged him to her, his face to her soft chest, for some time in the quiet of the cabin. It was during this peaceful lull that Garrus felt secure enough to heavily claim her with his scent, announcing Shepard intimately as his in the way of his people.

 

\-------------------------

 

Still, in the end, part of him was itching to be back in the battery working just as part of her wanted the normalcy of writing up reports; they had both grown up with cultures more or less so attached to their jobs that it bugged them to be apart from it for long...made things somewhat abnormal, he guessed he could say.

Garrus had debated doing it, as he could tell she was a bit unsure as he was walking out, but he stopped, turned, and kissed her once before he left completely. Shepard had laughed softly behind him, making him smile. Garrus couldn't help it; for him, it was such a thing to be in awe of, a simple action that felt good if strange, and let her know how he felt in a way she'd know for certain—let alone the fact that he had a _girlfriend_ he could do that with.

And even as he marveled at the size of the new ship, he knew he was doing the right thing going to the battery now. It would help him get a pace of rhythm that he had lost the last two years between her death and Omega, when each day could mean something new to adapt to and possibly die from regardless. Calibrating the new _Normandy_ ’s guns was practically a vacation, and one he intended to take knowing she was just a few floors above him.

He’d thanked the human cook and donned his armor in the battery. After examining the damage, Garrus knew he had to thank the Jacob person because it was repaired well. It felt good having the weight of it on him—it helped confirmed everything was still real. And he had some _ideas_ on how to make sure the ship's guns kicked major ass this time around.

Garrus opened a few menus, checking different rates and algorithms that Cerberus had programmed into the guns’ systems. He shook his head. “Senseless. Too much emphasis on one area, and you lose efficiency in others.”

Happily, he used Shepard's clearance given to him and began to open current firing algorithms, tweaking them to standards that seemed more in line with the ship’s true potential; it being part turian in design (since it was based on the first _Normandy_ ) let him know some of the limitations he could get away with in his work. Garrus laughed inwardly as he thought out one of the algorithms in a tough spot: if there were such things as signs and fate, he supposed the human-turian design of the _SR1_ should have been enough to tell him he was where he should be and that fate had things in store for him.

“Officer Vakarian?” an artificial woman's voice rang out above him.

He barely stopped the jump he felt coming at the unexpectedness of it. “Uh. Yeah?”

“May I ask what you're doing to the calibrations? Modifying existing work outside of safety parameters is dangerous and against Cerberus regulations without engineering, Commander and Illusive Man approval at most,” EDI continued.

Garrus gave a huff. “I've worked guns and weapons most of my career and got plenty of experience on the last non-AI ship. I think I can handle it.”

“But, regulation—”

“Look, AI, uh, a regulation doesn't mean something has been perfected. In fact a great deal of these are off by degrees. Some of the firing will be missed by small distances that even small are large when in a tight spot,” Garrus tried to explain and rolled his stiff shoulders. “All I'm doing is optimizing. Tweaking. And even if some are slightly out of Cerberus bounds, that's fine. They apparently forgot this is part turian in design, and my people are _very knowledgeable_ about this kinda stuff. It has different limitations than they really think.”

A pause, then two.

“I see. Have you obtained the required permissions, then?”

At that he got exasperated. “Have you got nothing better to do?”

When the AI went silent, Garrus felt better. Almost. But then he thought about it. The damned thing would be completely locked and programmed to pick up on this shit and worry and nitpick it to death. Even so...he'd heard what sounded like genuine curiosity in the AI voice. Was it possible it was just interested in what he was doing and didn't know or couldn't say that?

Shepard had mentioned earlier that it had sent her someone to talk to when it sensed her have a small breakdown. Maybe it honestly gave a shit.

“So...let's use this one as an example, EDI,” Garrus stated and brought up a calibration on the left main gun upon the holoscreen in his workstation. He swiped past pages of coding until he hit the spot that had caught his eye before and highlighted over an equation and percentage result. “This...is true, yes, but it could be more accurate. Tighter.”

Nothing, then a soft, “Oh?”

Garrus hid his smile. “Yeah. So Cerberus is playing it according to the book, but cutting corners they're not paying attention to. Here, the corner is accuracy for speed of the gun's turning, which I'm sure you get.”  
  
“Yes.”

“All right. Now there is a balance that can be struck here. We can make this a bit tighter so that the _swing_ is faster and the extra seconds that were left before in the swing are now used as bonus focusing for accuracy. Watch what happens if I do this,” Garrus requested and copied the coding. He opened a fresh area on the screen and dragged the copy over, then, after eyeing it a second or two, changed three numbers slightly, added another little factor, and computed the new percentage for the swing time, then accuracy rate. He nodded, satisfied. “Two extra seconds on the swing time has now been moved to targeting. Doesn't sound like much, but in a fight, seconds and milliseconds count more than you think. The gun will swing at certain rates no matter what, _but_ , if we can make some modifications that I want to do later...I mean the Collectors, we're gonna need some stuff done to the ship so we don't repeat....”

Garrus paused, unable to finish the sentence. EDI spoke up then, softly. “I understand. You wish to keep the crew...and the Commander safe.”

“Yes,” he answered sharply, a bit annoyed. Damn thing must have been listening to everything he and Shepard said now and picked up their...evolving relationship.

“Very well. I see your points. My programming requires I notify Commander Shepard of your modifications and desire for more equipment to better the main guns.”

Garrus wanted to roll his eyes, but couldn't. He envied Shepard that ability. “I can do that. She trusts me anyway.”

“But regulations state what they state, Officer Vakarian. I'm bound by programming.”

“Look...EDI, was it? Let me ask _you_ something. I know you're compelled by programming. But you're an AI. You have an intelligence that isn't geth and hived. It exists regardless of the shackles Cerberus no doubt put on you when you were installed here. So I ask you this: if you found something you could do to better our chances, would you attempt to do it regardless of programming, if you'd calculated the risks and whatnot? Spoken with someone?”

“I...would wish to.”

“That's what I thought. But you can't, really. So...how about we work _together,_ eh? Help me find little blind spots like these and cut corners, and we'll see what we can do to better our chances.” Garrus snickered. “And we'll tell Shepard.”

EDI quieted a few seconds in thought before answering, voice sounding much...lighter. “That is acceptable, Officer Vakarian.”

“Gonna report me to Cerberus?”

“...no. I've censored this conversation.”

A brow raised. “You can do that?”

“I can...flicker in and out on the audio and focus on something else on the ship. The Commander is aware of bugs, and Mordin Solus continually sweeps and destroys them. I only have a few monitoring cameras in use, mostly just for safety concerns. I've turned a fair number off, out of respect for the Commander's request. I believe she has a right to privacy.”

“Good for the salarian, then, and I appreciate you doing that for her. She needs to unwind without feeling watched,” Garrus said contentedly. He paused, then smiled a little knowingly. “EDI?”

“Yes?”

“Do you...enjoy having Shepard on board?”

“Her company is not objectionable. She is intelligent, conscientious, and has treated me with respect instead of fear. She is...preferable.”

“She's good like that,” he agreed, thinking back to their dinner. “So let's keep her safe. From lots of things.”

The implication was there, and the AI noticed it readily. “Understood. EDI out.”

“Hey, EDI? One last thing.”

“Yes?”  
  
Garrus looked over toward where her holo-self had appeared by the left wall. “Thanks. For helping ready Chakwas. For helping save my life. I...owe you.”

“You're welcome, Officer Vakarian. I am glad to have assisted,” EDI softly said, and Garrus almost heard the smile in her tone as she clicked out.

Garrus nodded despite the AI being an abstract voice to him. He wondered if Shepard had any idea of the effect she'd already had on EDI, and he remembered her words in the medbay after he'd woken. Shepard trusted the AI already. And he trusted Shepard's gut. So he'd have to get trusting this AI, too, especially if part of the reason he was walking around with a human girlfriend right now was because of the AI's response time to prep people for his wounded self.

With a light sigh, he turned back to the calibrations, scanning, then smirking a little when his omni-tool pinged and he'd received an equation in a blank message with suggestions. Maybe this AI wouldn't be so bad. Maybe it was just the yet again turian-hating or at least alien-distrusting human crew he had to worry about. But that didn't matter, not completely. Shepard was running this ship, and she'd run it once before in a way. And he believed in her. He'd seen the results and the way people changed for the better under her command.

Seconds later his omni-tool pinged again, this time with a message from Shepard. It was a picture of his face from old C-Sec files, pre-scarring, and had bloated text over it, reading: I EAT CALIBRATIONS FOR BREAKFAST.

“Shepard!” he barked out, laughing his ass off and feeling his healing wound throbbing because of it. It looked like EDI had wasted no time in going to Shepard to tell her of his little deeds.

 


	19. Confrontation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some mid-travel confrontation. And a cute sparring session, too.
> 
> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

 

It was a very strange stare down.

Shepard's green eyes were tight on Miranda's dark blues as she waited for the Cerberus operative to give in, to blink. To stop being so self-righteous. Miranda's lips tightened as she struggled to keep the upper hand, a probably reasonable one to her, but she finally broke and looked away.

“I want to make something crystal clear here with you,” Shepard began, voice deceptively soft. Dangerous. “My personal life is none of your business. Unfortunately you were shown it a little during circumstances beyond our control. That gives you no right to make decrees, orders or the like about it. None. You want nothing to do with me, you don't even want me to know anything about you personally. So don't you _dare_ condescend to lecture me.”

Damn, she still had it.

Miranda swallowed, looking angry but honestly reprimanded a little. “Shepard, I was just...trying to...to....”

“Make a statement. I'm in charge here, so you said, yes?”

“Well, yes, but—”

Shepard leaned down into Miranda's personal space as they squared off over the woman's desk. “Then do me a favor and do your job. Nothing else. I ever hear what I did again and the Illusive Man and I will have a chat. Just because you were head of the Lazarus project does not in anyway mean you own me, my life or my choices. That clear?”

“Absolutely. That's not what I was trying to say, Commander.”

“Then tell me why you and I have so far been constantly butting heads. Tell me why on Freedom's Progress I saved you from a bullet to the head because you didn't listen to my order. Tell me what else the phrase 'She cannot be shoving some disturbed alien romance in others' faces' means, considering all I've done is almost lose someone very dear to me and mourn over that until it was safe to hope again? I have _not_ shoved my relationship with Garrus in anyone's faces. Have you seen me touching him out there, making flirty eyes? No. Give me credit.”

Miranda paled a little, surprisingly, but stood her ground. “No, but you're obviously very close and that's reason enough for a human-run organization to start wondering. I don't want the crew having issues with you over it. It will disrupt flow.”

“I get that. Yet this crew is part of the organization that resurrected my ass since no one else was doing this job. Am I not allowed _some_ happiness after everything? Yes, I visually was highly upset because Garrus is also my best friend. You must have had one once. Imagine them almost dying in your fucking arms and see if you cry. The crew doesn't need to know the rest and won't unless by accident or I directly announce it. I've not even told my own _mother_ about this yet, but I know she'll be happy. You got the privilege to know before others—you and Mordin because you were there. And since I don't stick my face in your shit, don't you dare ever stick yours in mine again. Eating in the mess with people doesn't qualify as shoving my shit in others' faces, either, and that seemed to be the 'incident' to piss you off; I'd agree more with your concerns if _that_ hadn't been the trigger for this conversation. It's utterly ridiculous. Be a professional, yourself, if you're so worried.” Shepard shook her head and stood straight, arms crossed as she rotated her jaw.  
  
Miranda blinked a few times, uncertain of how to respond to the lecture, which prompted Shepard to take a long inhale, adding as she breathed it out, “I appreciate the...possibly misplaced professional concern the statement _tried_ to make, and you can trust I've been in the Alliance long enough to be smart about this. But make no mistake Miranda—never underestimate me again. I don't do it to you, so give me that respect before you're forced to learn.”

“I...yes, Commander. I was simply concerned about the possible environment the ...relationship...could create within the staff, that's...that's all,” Miranda muttered, cheeks reddening some to Shepard's surprise. “You must understand that though we are accommodating aliens on this mission, Cerberus is still human focused. Even if others would be supportive, we have to account for the biases that will naturally occur within the crew itself. People will wonder, having not seen many close friendships with aliens before.”

“Then that's their problem. I'm friends with lots of aliens, and that isn't changing for this crew's comfort.” Shepard grunted and held up a hand. “You're not accommodating the aliens—they're accommodating you. They're signing on to give their lives away for another species and being put through bullshit racism for it. Don't twist it. And people can always believe what they want, but if they have a bias that creates a dangerous environment all by itself, then they can be removed. It's the same thing in a different shell.”

They stared at one another for a few more moments, the atmosphere still tense but less dangerous.

Shepard just wasn't having the bullshit.

Thank God she'd been coming out of the crew bathrooms after eating dinner with Garrus and Mordin in the mess and overheard that muttered comment as Miranda strode to her office. Poor Garrus had just stared at her wondering why she'd suddenly signaled him that she'd be back later.

“As for the 'disturbed' part of the comment—have your belief. Feel what you want. But fuck you. That turian is my best friend, the only one I trust to my absolute core, and because of that, yeah, I fell for him despite our differences. We would have already had this 'disturbed' thing going on if I hadn't spaced, and if that had been the case, you and I would never have met for this to be stinking up your life.” Shepard tilted her face as Miranda locked her jaw. “Just because something is different does not make it invalid or any less real. I can only hope you find someone who feels the way Garrus does about me, because it's seriously special. And don't worry, no one is subjected to anything unless they're stupid enough to sit in the battery all day or my cabin.”

Silence.

Shepard turned her back on the operative, her supposed second in command, and moved to unlock the office door. She'd locked it in her fury, worried she might have to fight Miranda and didn't want others involved.

“Commander?”

The soft question made her hesitate before opening the door. Shepard looked over her shoulder, tense. “Yes?”

“I apologize. You're right; I am very private and...hadn't considered you might be as well about this—that the circumstances were just too intense and dangerous and you reacted,” Miranda began, standing up and spreading her hands somewhat peacefully. “I'll admit to never seeing such a pairing before, and it is strange because of it. But it isn't my business, as you said. So long as you can keep the crew in line through it all, I won't say another word about it.”

“Cerberus crew can be replaced as I see fit if I wish. Anyone can work a ship. As for the rest, good. A little humility _won't_ kill you, and neither will learning that it is no surprise you are so alone, so isolated in your fears and insecurities. If you'd for once stop holding yourself to standards that aren't real, even with your genes, you might see that you're just like the rest of us. And that means you needs us, too. It's okay to want friends, to want love—that desire doesn't make you weak, Miranda. Only you make yourself weak thinking you're above it.”

Miranda blinked in slow shock, but she didn't hide her true reaction quick enough from Shepard; she'd caught the very brief look of pained awareness that let her know her suspicions of Miranda's character were close. When her second in command said nothing at all, Shepard resumed her task of opening the door and walked out of the room, clenching a fist to her side.

Outside near the bathrooms, Shepard found Garrus waiting for her. He narrowed his plates, drawing into an angry suspicious look as she approached him. “What the fuck was that about?” he hissed under his breath, handsome blue eyes moving to the shut door behind her.

Shepard gestured for him to follow. “Come spar with me. I need a work out.”

“Okay...” he trailed off, following into the elevator and down to the cargo bay where a punching bag had been set up among the carefully locked down storage and shuttle. “Gonna talk now?” he asked when they arrived and thankfully found it empty.

She walked over and hit the bag, watching it bounce heavily from her punch. “That bitch had the nerve to think I was going to flaunt my 'disturbed' personal life with you in front of the precious human crew and ruin their sensibilities, all because I sat near you during dinner and we're obviously close as friends.”

Garrus immediately growled, dark and nasty in the echo of it as it rebounded in the huge room. “Excuse me?” he said, punctuating his words sharply.

“Exactly what I said.”

“You're more professional than that. Spirits.” A slow stream of dedicated and impressive cursing came from him as he caught the bag on her second punch and steadied it. “The fuck is her problem?”

“I know what it is. I get her concern in some ways, but I think it's stemming from other shit. Lack of faith and control. Miranda doesn't know me, so she doesn't have faith in me. It's taken our small successes so far to make her begin to believe things she's heard about me, and she probably struggles with feeling superior since she brought me back. She has to have control over absolutely everything, Garrus, because whatever happened to her in the past, something big, stripped her of it completely. So now she has to have it in everything. And since she's such a loner, maybe she's a bit jealous that I have you.”

“You know, that makes sense. Shame you couldn't take Chambers' place and quit your job,” Garrus teased, trying to lighten her mood a little in their frustration.

Shepard shrugged at him. “Is what it is. But I reminded her that I'm in control, people are replaceable, and she needs to remember that she is no different from any one else, regardless of those fancy fucking genes she doesn't shut up about.”

“Proud of you. I can only imagine the hole you tore in there.”

“Oh, it's a big one. Nothing I enjoy doing, Garrus, not even when I sort of have the right. But her attitude has got to adjust. I told her that our private life was shoved in her face a bit because of your near death, nothing more, so she can back the fuck off,” Shepard said and brought her arms up. “Spar with me.”

“You sure? We never really did before, you know. Probably one reason I was tense a lot, too. Damn stress hormones,” Garrus replied, eyes gauging her.

“I'm sure.”

“Double sure?”

“Garrus.”

“Okay, babe,” he said and moved in, arms up as he swung a punch.

Shepard blocked his move, countered with another but missed his careful trap; Garrus brought his leg between hers and jerked backward, catching her calf on his armored leg spur and knocking her on her ass as he pulled her leg from underneath her. Shepard smacked hard onto the not-so-padded floor on her back with a harsh wheeze, breath catching painfully in her chest.  
  
Instantly Garrus was over her, eyes worried. “Babe? Shit, did I hurt you? Talk to me here.”

“W-Wow,” she gasped, unable to get more than that out.

“Seriously, Shepard, did you break a rib?”

“No, just took the wind out of me,” she forced out, relieved as she breathed easier. She took the turian hand in front of her face and let him help sit her up. “That...was fucking clever, you. I'm impressed.”

Garrus tilted his head, brow plate raised a little. “Basic combative move, actually. Makes use of the anatomy.”

“Still. Damn. Does it work in field?”

“Can if you're fighting a non-turian. Turians will know a counter move. We're all taught them in duty training for our mandatory service,” he explained. Garrus looked around briefly before he reached out and touched her cheek, sliding his palm over it. “You okay though?”

She smiled and saw him look calmer because of it. “Yeah. Took me by surprise, turian. Teach me.”

“You don't have leg spurs.”

“I can still use my leg to grab and pull that way. My hips are more flexible than yours.”

Garrus shrugged. “I suppose. Have to be sure the person is concentrated on blocking your punches and not thinking about their legs or yours, though.”

“Got it.” Shepard smirked, feeling a bit better weirdly enough after getting her ass slammed to the ground. “Wanna see if I can do that to you with a human move?”

“Try.”

They stood again, eyeing one another with amusement. Shepard feinted, bent and swung her leg out in a semi-circle, catching the outer part of his left calf. Garrus went off-balance, but as he fell, he managed a small jump and caught himself. Shepard growled at him as she righted herself. “You damn turians and those legs.”

“Nice try, babe,” he said, trying to cheer her up. “That was close.”

Shepard laughed a little and brushed him off with a wave of her hand. “Eh, maybe. Thanks, though.”

“Anytime. Feeling better?”

“Yeah. Still pissed off, but it's not as heavy now.”

Garrus nodded, understanding that feeling. “Glad I could help. Do you...trust her to go out with us on missions, Shepard? I mean, really, do you? Can _I_ trust her to have your back?”

“Mine?” she asked, brows up. “When it comes down to it, she'll protect her investment in her work—me—and has orders to keep anything that keeps me going safe. You're not worried about her having yours?”

He shuffled his weight a little, walking in a semi-pacing move. “Look, yeah, that matters of course, despite being completely fucked up, but...your safety is my biggest priority. Keeping you safe so...so we're good, you know?”

Shepard smiled and stepped closer, forcing him to stop moving. Slowly her hands slid up and rested on the armor over his cowl, the lower curve adjacent to the bottom of his neck. Garrus rumbled a little as her face drew close, his blue eyes very open for her. “You're exactly what I needed.”

“I am?” he asked, voice low, hands resting on her waist somewhat like he was uncertain if he should. Shepard let one hand drift down and press his palm there tighter, watching as his eyes intensified some.

“Garrus, it's you that I can always trust to have my back no matter what, just like I have yours. This mission is top priority and extremely significant, and maybe if we hadn't gotten to this point emotionally and it was like the old run I'd not let something new take so much precedence, but....”

“But?”

She stretched up and kissed his mouth once. “I'm not giving you or us up for anything. It's my life still, right?”

“Right,” he agreed, soft supportive sounds coming from him that eased her remaining tension. “Same for me, A. We're in this together, and you're going to take the fight to these Collectors and win.”

“Good. Thanks for believing in me, Garrus.”

Garrus looked over her face, his eyes softening. “Always, Shepard.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love a good character rant. Mm mm mm.


	20. Citadel Visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

 

As they docked into the Citadel, Garrus found himself feeling absolutely antsy.

He bounced on his feet, unable to stand still.

Even if it was a pick up and supply run, Garrus knew his new girlfriend was going to go get screamed at by the Council, hopefully reassured by Anderson, and then, if they were lucky, she'd get reinstated with Spectre funding. Hopefully.

What was making him most nervous, though, was that Chellick had messaged Shepard when she asked for an escort through to Anderson's office. Given her death, Garrus had warned her they'd installed new security biometric readers and that it was probably going to cause a slight annoyance for her movement on the Citadel. Her solution had been to contact Chellick to help fix the problem and get her where she needed to be since she trusted him and others did, too. Chellick had promptly flipped the fuck out, thinking it a prank until Shepard mentioned the night outside the Citadel bar so long ago, silencing the turian on the other end into brief grief and then happiness.

So his rival was fixing her problem instead of him. It sucked a little.

Garrus paced a little behind Joker's chair as he waited for Shepard and Mordin to appear. The salarian wanted to grab some tech upgrades if possible and requested to go, which of course Shepard wasn't going to deny. Joker finished the docking process with a satisfied sigh before he turned in his chair, one human brow arched at him. “Uh, Garrus? Chill, bro. We're just at the Citadel. It's not the nightmare factory it used to be.”

“It's not that,” Garrus grumbled out. Spirits, this new relationship with Shepard was so...so precious in its first state that he didn't want anything fucking with it, especially an old male rival.

Joker gently cracked his knuckles and crossed his ankles. “Talk, Garrus. You're wound tighter than I've ever seen, which is saying something since I saw you in your C-Sec days with that giant stick up your ass.”

“Oh hah hah,” Garrus almost growled. He paused and forced himself to take a breath. “I'm just...hoping shit with the Council goes easy for her.”

“And what else?”

“Hm?”

Joker smirked at him with a slight shake of his head. “What's going on in that pointy turian head of yours, Garrus?”

“I....”

“Officer Vakarian's vitals are raised. The pattern is indicative of stress from several sources, but it does mimic a pattern noted by turian scientists concerning male territorial behavior,” EDI chimed in as she appeared in her holo form at the terminal nearby.

Garrus fumed at the AI.

Joker's eyes almost popped from his head. “ _Well._ Thank you, EDI. Guess having an AI for a co-pilot isn't so bad. She has the most _interesting_ gossip.”

“I'm just stressed,” Garrus replied, shrugging his curiosity off; he didn't want to encourage the pilot any more. He wasn't ready to be open about his relationship yet, and Shepard had said only Chakwas herself knew at the moment outside of the squad that had saved him. Things were too new and precarious on the ship still, and she needed to build trust with the Cerberus crew. Hell, she had yet to be able to have the time to call her mother and tell her, a little fact that made Garrus feel even more nervous.

“Uh _huh_. We need to have a little chat sometime, sounds like.”

“About what?” Shepard asked as she joined them, Mordin behind her blinking curiously.

Garrus whipped his head around, visor glinting in the lighting. “Not a damn thing. You ready?”

“Don't think you're getting off that easy, Vakarian! I know where you work, bro.” Joker waved Garrus off with an eye roll, but winked at Shepard. “Bring me back something good, Boss.”

“I'm not getting you more Fornax. That's what the net is for.”

“Fine, fine. A new pack of cards? Some good soda? Candy, too.”

Shepard nodded and ruffled Joker's hat on his head, annoying him with a smile. “I can do that. But you be nice to Garrus.”

“I'm always nice to him. He's just got this huuuuge stick up his ass.”

Garrus clenched his fist and debated punching Joker. Although they'd made up somewhat since he came aboard, Garrus still had some deep resentment for the pilot for his role in Shepard's accident. Shepard noticed his tension and steered him out into the air lock. “Chill, Garrus. I'll break his foot later.”

“Abuse of power, Boss.”

“You bet your cripple butt.”

It took a few moments for Garrus to settle, though his nerves were still a bit jumbled as they reached security on the Zakera ward of the Citadel.

Shepard held up a fist to stop them. “Hold up.” She walked toward an advertisement terminal and keyed something into it.

Garrus frowned and almost jumped when a hooded figure appeared in the holo screen of the terminal and greeted Shepard.

“Commander Shepard. Nice to finally meet you. Password?”

“Silence is Golden.”

“Perfect.” The holo vanished and a figure shouted down at them from the railing above. They all turned, mildly surprised to see the human woman up there. “I am Kasumi Goto, Commander. Cerberus told me I'd be an asset for your team, and I'm willing to do that. I've got a contract agreed for my fees.”

“Fine. Get on board and settle somewhere on level three. Grab anything from here you might need. We travel a long time,” Shepard replied to the woman, her stance a bit tight as she scrutinized the other human.

Kasumi nodded. “I assume they discussed my stipulation with you?”

“No, but you and I can on the ship tonight.”

“That works. See you soon, Commander.” Kasumi gave a brief wave and flickered out of visuals with her tactical cloak.

Garrus shook his head as he followed Shepard and Mordin toward the security check point. “So she's weird.”

“No shit.”

“Highly intriguing. Known reputation as great thief. Should come in handy.” Mordin blinked a few times as they approached the biometric scanner.

Shepard paused near the guard as he motioned for her to wait. “Look, I was MIA for a bit. It's not gonna work for me right, but it should for my team.”

The guard, a turian, brought his face up sharply as she neared him a little. Garrus caught the turian scenting Shepard and blinking as he tried to figure out why he smelled another turian's imprint on her. Garrus took a few steps, catching the guard's attention. The turian blinked again at Garrus's low territorial vibration, hummed in thought, and shrugged at him.

Shepard shifted her weight. “Uh? Hello?”

“Apologies, ma'am. Ah...I see the problem. Step on through, Commander Shepard. You're flagged to speak with my boss and another officer upon arrival,” the guard finally replied and gestured for her to move on through the door while he scanned Garrus and Mordin.

Garrus lost sight of her for a few moments, then entered through where she had, spotting her talking to a human C-Sec supervisor at a terminal nearby. He approached, relieved to hear the man fixing the biometric problem right then without all the bureaucratic bullshit to get it done. The human nodded as Shepard spoke to him, then laughed a little. Garrus wasn't sure who he was; C-Sec was rather large and now flooded with humans since the Citadel attack, and it had been awhile since he quit.

“Thanks Captain Bailey. I appreciate the help,” Shepard said as Garrus and Mordin neared. The salarian muttered to Garrus that he'd be in contact shortly after visiting a shop on floor twenty six, the one below them in the ward. Garrus nodded him on, planning to relay the message to Shepard.

Bailey replied to Shepard with a laugh. “Not a problem, Commander. You're a damn hero in my book. It's my pleasure.”

Garrus smiled a little at that, relieved to find some friendliness. His smile faded out as his nose picked up a familiar scent. Garrus glanced toward the ward entrance and found Chellick approaching; the other turian had his eyes delightedly on Shepard, and his scent was intrigued, friendly and relieved. _Excited._ Garrus stepped closer to Shepard and caught Chellick's gaze. Chellick actually stopped for a second in shock, scent dampening some, before resuming his steps.

Shepard turned as she noticed Garrus's tense pose next to her and then spotted Chellick. “Excuse me, Captain.”

“Sure.”

“Shepard. It's fucking good to see you,” Chellick said happily and came to her side, hand extended as he no doubt was used to doing with the humans in C-Sec.

Shepard grinned and shook his hand, then gave the male a quick hug, arms up around his neck and her face pressed to his.

Garrus tried to ignore the antsy feeling in his limbs as Chellick closed his eyes and hugged her to him tightly. The way Chellick held her indicated he'd done so before, probably much more intimately, but even so, Garrus couldn't blame him now—Shepard was _alive_. Garrus swallowed the growl he felt building in his throat at the memory of how strong the other male's scent had been on her in the past, how he'd even tried scenting some on her, himself, over the small claim Chellik had cautiously placed on her then.

Shepard, however, had no idea about any of it and leaned back with a smile. “Glad to see you, too, Chellick. How have you been?”

“Busy. Damn busy. But I'm really glad you're okay.” Chellick sniffed as he let her go, his eyes tightening a little in pain before he glanced to Garrus. They stared one another down for a moment before Chellick finally softened. Honestly, Garrus couldn't blame him for holding out hope—Shepard was a hell of a catch, and he knew it. “Hey, Garrus.”

“Chellick.”

“So...didn't waste chances this time around, huh.”

“Nope.”

Shepard frowned between them. “Guys?”

“Just discussing us,” Garrus explained, eyes not leaving Chellick's as he scented the air near Shepard and was relieved that Chellick hadn't tried to claim her again once he smelled Garrus's full imprint. He calmed down a lot, though, when Chellick sent him some supportive and submissive subharmonics after realizing how tense Garrus still was. “But yeah, I didn't. We're dating, exclusively.”

“Not a grouping guy, huh? Can't blame you, I'm not either.” Chellick smiled then, green eyes shifting to Shepard. “Congrats.”

“Thanks,” Shepard returned the smile, but reached up and rubbed Garrus's non-bandaged mandible, stroking it lovingly. Garrus calmed further upon feeling her touch and having relief at her public affection, not caring that there were some awkward stares from people nearby who recognized the touch for what it was. “I'm rather happy with this new direction.”

“I bet. Couldn't get him off your mind that one night,” Chellick teased her. Garrus looked to her, intrigued and definitely wanting to know more. Chellick laughed at his action while his girlfriend blushed. “Seriously, Vakarian. You were such a cock block even when you weren't around.”

Garrus finally chuckled at that, brow raised at her. “You know, I'm not even sorry.”

“I wouldn't be either, you ass.” Chellick smirked, but seemed genuinely happy for them. “Don't worry, Vakarian. I'm not gonna try and steal her, not unless you vanish or wuss out. Just uh...treat her right, you know. You don't, then I'm definitely going to challenge you for rights—and I don't fight clean. It's gonna be dangerous.”

“Understood,” Garrus said, figuring he could give Chellick that much.

“Dangerous? Rights?” Shepard asked, brows rising as she raised her face toward Garrus. “What's being said in turian here?”

Garrus shrugged. “I'm a bit territorial, Shepard. We're brand new, and, well. I remember part of that night, too. I fuck up and hurt you, he'll fight me for you.”

“Boys, I'm not a trophy to win. And Chellick's still gonna be our friend, so get used to him. He's fucking great, and you know it.”

“Fine.” Garrus snickered as Chellick smiled at Shepard.

“You ready to get to Anderson's office for the meeting, Shepard?”

“Yep. Wait. Where's Mordin?”

Garrus shifted as she let him go. “Went to look for tech upgrades a floor below us, like he said earlier. He'll let us know when he's done. Want me to go with you?”

“Do you have any business to do?” she asked.

“Gun shopping, but I can do that with you afterward.”

Shepard winked at him. “It's a date. All right, let's go.”

“Damn, Garrus, not even gonna give me five minutes are you?” Chellick laughed, gesturing for them to follow him into the ward.

Garrus let the smirk slide over his face as they passed by a couple other turians mingling with some asari and caught the surprised reactions at Shepard's mild scent imprint. “Nope,” he answered Chellick with a grin. “I trust you, but I know you.”

“Yeah. I'm kind of a shameless flirt.”

Shepard hummed as they climbed into a waiting sky car. “Pretty sure I called you that.”

“Yes you did, among other things. You sure you want Garrus? He's so much stiffer than I am.”

Shepard burst out laughing as she relaxed into Garrus's side in the back of the sky car. “Oh, I'm sure. Stiffer is better.”

“For fuck's sake, Shepard, I didn't mean stiffer _that way_.”

Garrus nuzzled the side of her face in gratitude before raising his head, his hand linked with hers momentarily. “Face facts, Chellick. You just can't measure up.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

 

\---------------------

 

One near disastrous Council meeting later, Garrus watched his girlfriend speaking with Anderson tiredly. At least they got the Spectre status and funding reinstated, but it was still infuriating that the Council was so in denial about the Reapers that they, even after her _fucking death_ , continued to mock Shepard about it. Took all he had not to go to at least his own Councilor's office and punch Sparatus right in the mandible.

What a dick.

After a very long, private talk, Shepard waved off to Anderson behind her, and he gave the human a firm nod while getting one in return. As soon as they exited the office, Garrus stopped her and took her hands. “Hey. You okay? That was...rough in there.”

“I...I'm over it. I'm over them. When everyone is invaded they'll come crying, and like the good idiot I am, I'll go try to help even though they've made their beds for their people.” Shepard rolled her eyes, then looked to him with a small smile. “Thanks for checking, though.”

“Of course. Just want you to remember I'm always behind you. One hundred percent.”

“Oh, I know.” With a brief grin softening her features, she stepped up on her toes and kissed him, his eyes closing at how good it felt. “You're awesome, big guy.”

“Have I mentioned how much I hate you, Garrus?” Chellick called from their nearby meet up location.

Garrus swung his head around, smirking as he kept his hold on one of Shepard's hands while they walked toward the other turian. “I think you've made some hints,” Garrus replied.

“Now, now, boys. I've got shit to do. Gun shopping, debriefing a new member, all that jazz. Let's go.” Shepard ironically led he and their escort to the sky car waiting on the next floor.

Chellick just shook his head in good humor. “Commander Shepard, marching onward.”

“I don't march!”

“Yeah...you do,” Garrus admitted and saw her give him a squinting look over her shoulder.

“Just for that mister, I've got something planned later!”

Chellick's brows rose as Garrus's did. “Shit, Garrus, I'm not sure if you should be scared or turned on.”

“Both,” Garrus laughed and entered the sky car next to Shepard, smiling inwardly as she cuddled into his side.

It took some time to get the rest of their errands done. Shepard needed a new sniper rifle, badly, and she and Garrus spent a while debating which she should choose. For the next time being, Shepard sided with a Viper which granted multiple shots and could be upgraded through Garrus and Jacob tinkering with it. She liked the idea of multiple shots in conjunction with his own one-shot sniper rifle, so they could back each other up. He readily agreed, smiling when she excitedly eyed the gun package as it rang up.

That mutual love of guns—so hot.

Thankfully Mordin was easy to track. They made it back to the ship, and Garrus ventured back to the battery with her gun to look it over better without the salesperson hovering while she dealt with debriefing Kasumi Goto. After two hours Garrus began to wonder if she'd even remembered threatening him earlier that afternoon, and he debated asking Gardner for a light meal so he could eat and just crash.

Suddenly the battery door opened. Garrus looked over from the workbench and smiled softly at seeing Shepard walking in with two plates of food. Quickly he rose and met her, taking the one she extended from him that obviously was turian. “Thanks, Shepard. Was gonna talk to him in a few minutes, so you saved me a trip.”

“Welcome. Sit.”

They shifted some crates around to use as a table and chairs near his cot. Garrus smirked a little. “Don't want to eat in the actual mess?”

“It's busy right now, and I want to talk.”

“Oh.” He thought back to her little threat earlier that afternoon. “Gonna torture me?”

“With awkward questions, you bet.”

Garrus laughed, nearly choking on the meat portion of his dinner. “Shit. Careful while I'm eating.”

“No promises,” she teased and took a bite of her weird-looking noodle food. “Who was your first crush ever?”

Garrus managed to swallow and gazed at her. “When I was very young, apparently I had a thing for Casita Kevler. She was this really popular turian actress back then. I remember Mom always teasing me about it.”

“That's freaking cute,” Shepard replied, obviously trying to imagine a youngling version of him.

“You?”

She took a swig of her water bottle and sat it back down. “A lieutenant who worked for my mom. Caios almost freaked when he smelled my scent change around the guy. I got the worst lecture about it that night from him. Nothing like a turian's lecture to make you feel even smaller, huh.”

“Yeah, well, when you broke up the fight between Wrex and I there was a hell of an ego killer in it,” Garrus admitted, seeing her think back.

Shepard nodded. “You looked like I slapped you.”

“Felt like it.”

“Sorry. I was just worried about being unable to control two aliens in a more primal stage fighting around my human crew who...well to be honest, might stop remembering you both as people and consider you monsters. Humans have had long histories of creature or monster vids, and some of the aliens might fit archetypes.”

Garrus sat his cup down. “Was...did I...did you think like that then about...me?”

“No. I was a bit scared, if I'm gonna be honest here, because I was worried you both weren't gonna stop, but I didn't think of you as a monster. Just that you were a more pissed off version of yourself,” she explained.

Relief echoed through him. “Good.”  
  
“Garrus, don't worry. I still think you're hot, even when you're pissed off.”

Garrus nearly choked his drink down. That was...strange. Almost turian female behavior. “Well. That's interesting, A.”

“Do you hate Chellick?” she suddenly asked.

He sat eating, unable to answer that question right away. It was such a hard thing to explain to her, because so much of the situation dealt with turian culture rather than humanity. “Look, babe, I...I don't _hate_ him. I mean, he was there for me when you died and that took serious guts. It's just...I know he could have been me. He could have been the one you wanted, the one who would treat you well, and then I'd be him watching the female I desired with another male because she'd met him first. He's not a bad guy, but I want to punch him when he looks at you sometimes with that...that wistfulness. It's like some...burning in my nerves, even if I _get it_ and _sympathize_ with him.”

“Honey, there's more to it than meeting you first. You're special to me in ways no one else can be.”

“I know, but...it's this hormonal thing. Turians get really territorial sometimes. Even though I respect Chellick, I still wanted to punch him for hugging you so close. That kind of thing. Makes me...jealous,” Garrus answered, mood soured as he put his utensil down on the mostly empty plate. “He's been a bit intimate with you before, which kind of pisses me off now in some ways, and I...haven't had that chance much so I want to...to...make sure I'm...preferred. That you won't ever want to go back to him.”

Shepard reached across and took his hand in hers. “Garrus, look at me. Yeah, he's an awesome guy and did treat me like a gentleman despite trying to flirt his way into my pants. And if I didn't know you at all or you didn't feel the way you do for me, I'd definitely be talking to him. But _you_ were the one _I_ wanted. From the first time I saw you, I knew you were special. Handsome as fuck with the most beautiful eyes. Your voice still gives me shivers, Garrus, and we've gone through so much together. There is just something between _us_ that's...meant. The only way he would have had a chance would literally have been you telling me to go back that night and you staying with the other female. I'd have taken it as a sign that you weren't interested in me and moved on.”

Garrus shuddered, thinking back and realizing once more how close of a call that had been. Thankfully his drunk self was very territorial and had refused to let her leave him. Still...he felt bad about how he'd acted then, too. “You're...absolutely sure you don't want him instead?”

“Vakarian, you're making me crazy,” she joked and walked around to his side, bending and sitting on his leg intimately. Garrus rumbled at the action, thrilled that she was instigating some personal touches. He wasn't always sure when to show her affection that he wanted to give. Shepard's fingers lifted his face, tilting his chin, and then she kissed him how he liked. Garrus groaned into her, hands stroking her waist and holding her gently. They kissed for a few minutes, and Garrus loved every second as she stroked his face, under his fringe, and massaged the back of his neck.

Spirits, he was lucky.

Finally she pulled back some, hooking her arms around his throat to hold her position, and touched her brow to his. “Feel better now?”

“Mm. Feeling something, babe,” he mumbled, one hand on her hip and the other under her shoulder. “Can't believe you affect me this much without doing a lot.”

Shepard smirked above him, fingers stroking over his good mandible. “That's a two way connection, there.”

“Good. It better be.”

“Shepard, I need to speak with you when you have a moment about an mod on your armor up here,” Jacob's voice echoed above them through the comm.

Garrus stifled the sigh, nuzzling her briefly as she let go of him and stood.   
  
Shepard smiled at him. “I'll ping you later, if you're up.”

“Might be, thinking about this human woman who tends to override my thoughts late at night.” Garrus enjoyed the obvious struggle for her to not smile in feminine amusement like she sometimes did now. “I even get these...amazing...dreams.”

“I'm sure she does, too, about a certain turian with pretty blue eyes.”

“Mm. She should tell me some.”

Shepard picked up her empty plate and cup with a laugh. “Maybe she will sometime.”

 


	21. Case of the Missing Chit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about taking the other down; had a chapter order post mix up with the editing. Will be back up after this one. 
> 
> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

They spent two days docked at the Citadel, and Garrus watched it all happen, feeling quite like the clock on his life had rewound somehow.

He followed Shepard around as she caught up on errands, much like he had years before, laughing now at the additional new endorsements to stores she dropped for discounts on ridiculously stacked item prices.

Fifty thousand credits for gun upgrades, _were they crazy?_

Garrus haggled with the turian behind the counter even more, using his identity and Shepard's beyond the endorsement of hers until the poor guy relented, increasing their rate by another five percent at least. It might have gotten a brow from Shepard, but Garrus knew they needed every bit of edge, every lead while they tried to figure out what was going on with these human colonies, the Collectors, and if the Reapers were, in fact, involved at all.

His gut _really_ thought they were, and after ignoring it the day she'd shipped out away from him to then die, he never ignored it now.

Garrus stayed behind a bit, browsing longer while Shepard and the thief went ahead, chatting. It surprised him to see Shepard getting on remarkably well with someone who stole for a living, going against Shepard's usual grain of morals, but somehow it worked, just like her odd humor with Zaeed Massani had started up as well.  
  
Goto's quirky manner had begun its slow, measured way of eroding the professional and practical wall Shepard had built up immediately the night before at dinner, and Garrus had watched Shepard enter Goto's room, not coming out for quite a while and only murmuring about books and paintings and sculptures under her breath when she had.  
  
It wasn't relaxed yet, really, between Shepard and anyone else but he and Joker. But it was a start, and he knew it and hoped she did, too.

He checked his omni-tool as it flickered at his wrist, snorting at the newest reply from Chellick. He'd gotten some communications last night, concerning him at first and also reminding him of the way Kaidan had done before Virmire, too.

Chellick seemed happy for them, he honestly did.

But he ribbed Garrus _every_ chance he got in their messages, and the latest one was a joke about how much of a tease Shepard was and how Garrus should be prepared for a wild ride.

He was. Damn he was, and he was _so_ excited for it.  
  
Garrus frowned down, brows drawing in mild concern at the warning Chellick had sent this time, and Garrus hoped to hell the idiot hadn't forwarded it to Shepard, too.

Apparently turians in C-Sec were _already_ buzzing about the Commander's reemergence, of course, but more so about the interesting new _scent_ accompanying hers through the wards.

 _Word's whispering, Vakarian. Best hope they're still as scared of your dad as I am_ , Chellick wrote last, and Garrus shuddered.

He was _far_ from ready for that confrontation yet.

But he _had_ written his mother once the other night, just to let her know he'd gotten a new job and was extremely busy on a ship and so might not have frequent responses. Her relieved reply at his previous silence was guilt-inducing, but Garrus withstood it, reading her latest list of growing symptoms with fear he stowed away to think on later.

Garrus answered the call on his comm from Shepard and followed her directions, finding her on level 26 of Zakera Ward.

She stood, hands on hips with Goto behind her smiling under that hood of hers.

Garrus saw every bit of the Commander, of the demanding presence in her body flare to life as she stared down a C-Sec agent, a quarian, and a volus.

“Run that by me _one_ more time,” Shepard commanded, and Garrus didn't stop the excited small sound from leaving his throat at how _hot_ it was.

“I'm Kor Tun. My credit chit is _gone_ , _stolen_ no doubt by this quarian girl who bumped into me on purpose!” the volus declared, the odd wheezing sound echoing as he finished.

Garrus grunted to himself and stepped closer, knowing Shepard had caught onto his presence. His blue eyes watched the quarian, named Lia'Vael nar Ulnay, try to defend herself, and honestly, Garrus believed her; it wasn't all that hard to bump into a fat, round volus coming out of a tight shop down here.

“So, no, I _didn't_ steal it, but they're already trying to process it as theft!”

Shepard shifted and stepped forward, hot green eyes solely on the C-Sec human involved. “That true, _Officer_?”

“Look, ma'am, you're not with C-Sec, so just run along. You're interrupting an investigation of the incident,” the human male sneered vocally, glancing at Shepard as if she were an annoyance.

“Oh, that was dumb,” Garrus whispered under his breath nearby, holding back his laugh as Shepard smiled and calmly told the idiot that she was a Spectre, thank you _very_ much.

The officer paled a bit, held his hands up, and tried to defend his position regardless, but Shepard wasn't having it.

“I'll find the stupid chit, I guarantee it. And then you let her go, no problems.”

“Fine.”

“Exactly. _Fine_.” Shepard sighed, patted the quarian and told her to hang on a moment, and came to his side with the thief moving like her shadow. “Garrus, I need your help.”

“Find the chit, right? This floor?”

“Yep.”

“On it.”

Shepard reached up to tap the side of her armored fist to his armored shoulder, thanking him silently as they all parted ways. Garrus searched near the middle and around, then back to a ship seller, asking there if they'd seen anything. A volus, yes, the other volus working there answered, but not a lost chit.

“Damn it,” Garrus grumbled and left, only to jump as Kasumi flickered into being next to him, cackling a little.

“Sorry, Vakarian. We found it nearby. Salarian desk clerk's got it,” Goto said, apologizing with the glittering eyes in the shadow.

Garrus nodded, leading the way this time as they found Shepard back in front of the trio, hands once more on her hips.

“Buddy, you must have looked _really_ hard, didn't you.”

“Ma'am,” the officer sighed, rubbing his face.

“Clerk at Saronis Applications has your chit. And you owe this young woman an apology, I think,” Shepard said, bending to look closer at the volus.

Kor Tun huffed behind his mic. “Well, she _could_ have stolen it if they'd not found it and held it back.”

“Are you _serious_ right now?” she snapped, the fading red scars looking eerie right then to Garrus. “You both make me sick. Get out of here, right now, and grow up.”

Garrus glared at both the human and volus as they passed by, muttering to each other awful things about Shepard. “Say it a little louder. Don't think she heard you clearly enough.”

“Nothing,” the C-Sec officer grunted and moved away.

“I should take that chit again and leave it somewhere else. Teach him a lesson,” Kasumi said quietly, staring past Garrus's shoulder.

“Let's not, no matter how possibly gratifying that sounds,” Garrus sighed, pausing.

His girlfriend stood with the young quarian closely, hand on her arm in comfort, listening silently to the no doubt horrible experiences she'd been having upon her pilgrimage. The visual snapped Garrus back even further, back to the day he'd _met_ Shepard when she'd stared over Oraka, that retired turian general, with the same desire to help, to listen, to _fix_ it for them if she could.

Garrus knew Shepard was a soldier, but at her core she was a listener. A doer. It was why she'd gotten through _everything_ on the Saren run, and why she wasn't a broken mess on any one of the new _Normandy_ 's floors now for that Kelly Chambers to clean up.

Constantly moving, constantly _doing_ was keeping her going.

It worried him as he watched her exchange credits against the quarian's tired protests and then gratitude, and when Shepard came to his side after waving Lia'Vael off, his blue eyes searched her, subharmonics quietly supportive, as she subtly squeezed his fingers between them once and took the lead again.  
  


 


	22. Tease

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (And now reposted in proper order.)
> 
> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

Shepard's boots slammed down upon the metal flooring as she stormed from the conference room from yet another meeting with that Illusive Asshole.

He recommended she start on two more on her dossiers—a warlord krogan scientist and a biotic prisoner. Which, fair enough, she was ready to do  _something_ after leaving the Citadel.

But the next two on her list really began to ground into Shepard the thought that a fair amount of these new people,  _Garrus included_ since Omega, were rather...out there, business and morality wise, and she  _desperately_ hoped it would all work somehow when thrown together.

Still, it wasn't that Shepard didn't believe people couldn't reform, but Wrex was her favorite krogan alive,  _and_ she had to more or less go and  _buy_ this prisoner out of cryo. Holy  _fuck_ , not a good starting point. This Jack person sounded a bit too out of their own control to be trusted on a ship, let alone with a gun behind her  _back_.

She entered the armory and went right for her new Viper, opening drawers and grabbing tools to clean it, needing to calm down. Shepard worked there at the bench until the gun was shining, and then she carefully eye-balled the rare mods she'd been able to pick up on Omega and the Citadel for the crew's guns.

Quietly, almost in zen, she selected a better scope and a recoil kinetic buffer and got to work, bent over and focused enough that she barely heard Jacob come into the room ahead of her; the movement caught her eye, and she glanced up, nodding, as he merely nodded in return.

“Busy, huh.”

“Helps me try not to punch a man through space.”

“Ah.  _Him_ , huh.”

“Yep.  _He_ of the lit cigarettes and shady demands.”

Jacob smirked and walked past her to another bench, yanking out a shotgun he'd been toying with for a while. It was a special one, a geth variety that Shepard had never seen before.

The second she finished her work with satisfaction, she walked over and leaned against the wall near him, watching curiously.

“Triple shot?”

“And a hold for a charged one.”

Shepard smiled. “Nice.”

Jacob picked the gun up and handed it over, waiting as Shepard handled it and examined it up close for her own interest. When she gave it back, he set it down and reached for his own recoil mod.

“So. Corsair.”

“Uh-huh,” Jacob confirmed.

“I get your reasons, you know. But how can you like working for  _him_  of all people? I've never seen a bigger  _mask_ in all my life. The voice, the demeanor, the suit...it's all fake, you know that, right? An image.  _Illusive_.”

Jacob breathed out and looked to the side, large dark eyes catching the light. “Well, Shepard, it ain't about him. I'm here because I know what I do makes a difference, even if no one public sees it. I know it does. And the important people know.”

Shepard shrugged, hand waving out. “Fair enough.”

She'd know after Spectre induction, mockery of her work, throwing her life at risk and then actually  _losing_ it, only to come back and see everything painted so, so wrongly. She'd  _get_ the reason behind Jacob's defection from the Alliance.

But it was something she still struggled with nonetheless.

Anderson had put the pressure right back on her.

“You were technically KIA, Commander. I can't order you to do anything as former Alliance, and neither really can they. But Hackett will want answers, and you'll have to give him what you can. I can only buffer so much,” Anderson had stated on the Citadel in his office.

So that left her here, working with Cerberus in her daily shock to waking to that fact  _still_ , and she nearly lost herself in the uncomfortable line of thought until Jacob grunted, hunched over, “Besides, Commander, right now I work for  _you_.”

A grin spread across her lips. “Good to know you see the difference.”

“I do. I think some others might.”

“Hope so, Jacob,” Shepard sighed and reached over, bopping him on the shoulder in gratitude. “Hey. Thanks for being honest with me from the get go. I appreciate it.”

“No problem. So long as we don't try to be best pals over night and swap our entire life stories, I think we'll do just fine,” the Cerberus operative said, considering her expression for any disappointment or retort. “You know. Like, you don't ask me if I've got family yet, and I won't ask about your past with the turian downstairs.”

Shepard just raised her brows, then laughed. “Deal.”

Later that night after another message to her mother and one to Hackett that had her on edge to write, Shepard sat on her bed and watched the fish tank.

Their second day on the Citadel, Shepard had sneaked back toward the Souvenir gift shop, done a ridiculous endorsement, and bought some fish immediately upon seeing them in a display.

Now she observed the grace of the Illium Skald fish, in love with their colors and shape.

Pad open upon her lap, Shepard quietly drew them with new supplies she'd also snagged. She drew until the expected panic that accompanied each time she closed her eyes to sleep vanished, until she had not a thought at all in her head but the image of those fish swishing and chasing one another before gently passing again.

Shepard compulsively shaded and drifted, not even realizing when she finally passed out back against her propped pillows.  
  


 

 

\----------------------

 

 

“Hey, Garrus,” Shepard called, entering the battery.

She watched him snap up from somewhere along the side, his fringe bright. “Yeah?”

“Question.”

“Shoot, Shepard.”

“Chellick messaged me this morning. Said there's been some hush-hush talk about you and I. Something about an imprint getting noticed,” Shepard drawled, enjoying the sudden look of  _oh, crap_ in her turian boyfriend's pretty blue eyes. “So, whatcha got for me on that, big guy?”

Garrus almost dropped a tool in his hand, then rolled his shoulders in a smooth turian move of drawing himself together in his armor as he stepped past, deposited the tool, and sat upon the crates nearby.

Shepard turned, leaned against the electronic set up, and crossed her arms, grinning on the inside the longer she stayed quiet and the more Garrus grew jumpy.

“Well, um. I, uh.”

“Good start, honey. Keep going.”

Garrus's posture fell as he reclined back slightly, head raising up to stare at her. Shepard noted how he looked her dead-on, not hiding his embarrassment or concern, as he said, “It's...a preliminary thing with my people, A. Let's others know we're a...thing.”

“How's it work?”

“Smell.”

Shepard chewed on her lip, mind running wild with the  _how_ of that. “So...what, are you...doing something to me that I don't know about?”

Garrus did drop his face then, groaning, and she broke out laughing, making him chuckle, too. “I don't do anything  _gross_ , for fuck's sake.”

“Then what?”

“Just, um. Kinda...put a... _ugh_ , I secrete a pheromone unique to me that clings around your skin and blends with your natural scent some,” Garrus explained, looking at her through the spaces of his fingers across his face and bandage. “Honestly, I don't even think about it anymore, not since the first time. It's my way of saying we're dating.”

“Thought you marked necks?” she asked, brow up.

Garrus choked on his next breath, entirely flustered, and Shepard found it extremely adorable, in its own way. “That's...for mates, not, uh, dates.”

“Ah, gotcha.”

“Yeah. So. This...you're gonna make this awkward, aren't you?”

“Totally. I like watching you squirm once in a while, like back in your apartment.”

Garrus stood and closed in on her front, leaning down to set those gorgeous, seductive blues on her and creating heat in her belly. “Shepard, don't be a tease. Chellick told  _me_ all about how you are one.”

Shepard's face brightened to match her hair. “So am not.”

“I believe him, just so you know.”

“Way to support your girlfriend,  _Archangel_.”

“You teased me for a long time, A. I got to  _experience_ it firsthand.”

She flicked through her memories, pulling out a few that might qualify—riding on his lap on Feros, tumbling in the elevator on Noveria, drawing him before Ilos.

Okay, yeah, so he had a point. Shepard snickered. “My bad.”

“Yeah, your bad.” Garrus rubbed the ridges of his nose against her cheek, and Shepard smiled, feeling the pressure there from his mouth while his big hands rested upon her hips possessively. “Mm, babe. You're...not...turned off by the imprinting stuff, are you?”

“Nope. It's kinky.”

“Thank the Spirits for that, then.”

“Were you not planning to ever tell me about it or what?”

Garrus pressed the good, left side of his face to hers, arms wrapping around her as hers went up about his neck and cowl. “Some day. Didn't know what to say, honestly, to my alien girlfriend about it. Thought it might freak you out.”

“Well, from now on  _tell_ me these things, okay? I might start inferring the wrong stuff if I'm digging through my omni-tool to understand what the hell the side chatter about us is really meaning,” she chastised playfully, standing up more to kiss him firmly on his mouth.

“ _Mm_.”

“Garrus.”

“ _Mm mm_ ,” Garrus rumbled, reaching down for more kisses before brushing his mandible into her once. “Okay, Shepard.”

“Good. I've got messages. See you at dinner.”

Garrus let her go with a shake of his head as he leaned against the paneling with a sexy turian smirk. “See?  _Tease_ , woman.”

Just for that she walked with her hips exaggerated for effect, utterly pleased with herself at the masculine groan of want behind her as she exited the room.

 


	23. One Crazy Powerful Biotic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

She wanted to take Garrus, just for the secure feeling of him behind her and on her six again, but if all they had to do was _literally_ walk onto Purgatory to exchange credits for a person (how fucked _up_ ), then she couldn't really justify needing Garrus out of the battery beyond personal preference. And while that kinda sucked, she _really_ needed to figure out these new people a hell of a lot more.

Miranda met her at the airlock.

Despite their serious differences, Shepard quite liked Miranda in battle. Her second in command _did_ listen to her now, without questioning when an order abruptly changed or such, and Shepard found her abilities very useful, branching out the way Kaidan's had biotically and technically.

That left her to decide between Jacob, Zaeed, Mordin, and Kasumi.

A thief was ironically unnecessary, or so she hoped.

Zaeed's mouth was always welcome for its snark, but she needed this to be a smooth ride.

Hell, she hadn't spoken to Mordin the last few days much of travel to this destination near Osun in the Hourglass Nebula. Plus, in case this Jack person was in horrible condition _from_ the prison itself, a doctor would be nice. One that could shoot if things went sideways just made it perfect, she figured.

She quickly pinged him on his omni-tool, and Miranda and Shepard waited until the salarian appeared. They sat through docking, and Shepard's brows drew down at the immediate clues of Blue Suns armor on the guards that welcomed them aboard.

“The hell,” she whispered under her breath.

“Welcome to Purgatory,” a turian guard spoke over his mic.

Shepard raised a brow. “You know, now that I've heard that phrase, this place is even more disturbing. You know what Purgatory _is_ for my people, right?”

“Yep.”

“Creepy. Cool. I'm Commander Shepard, here with Cerberus.”

“You can go to processing while your package is being readied, Commander, but I'll need your weapons first. Standard procedure since we have _inmates_ all over this place.”

A chill went through her, and that was instinct enough to listen to. “No.”

The turian shifted his weight, his own gun in his hands shifting slightly. “No?”

“You heard her,” Miranda said, voice cracking like a whip.

For once, Shepard loved _that_ ability of hers, too.

“Stand down. It's fine. We can...accommodate the Commander for a pick up,” another turian's voice called from a hall.

Shepard's eyes narrowed as she took in the darker plated turian. His eyes focused on her as well, clearly not happy with her choice of fighting procedure, no matter her gut or reason.

“Warden Kuril, Commander. Welcome aboard. I'll explain if you'll follow me, please.”

“Sure, Warden,” Shepard agreed and passed by the other turian guard, watching as his helmet followed she, Miranda and Mordin slowly. “What's with the Blue Suns stuff here?”

“Blue Suns...acquired...the ship long ago. We've turned it into a prison that works _very_ well,” Warden Kuril began as he walked them down tubed corridors.

Shepard's eyes popped at single individuals in tiny sealed cells attached to the tube.

Kuril cracked his neck when she asked him to stop. “Yes?”

“What are most of these criminals in for? How'd they even get here? What judicial organizations on which planets are you even working with legally?”

“Lots of questions for a credit exchange you're doing today, but I'll allow it,” Kuril grunted and crossed his arms, standing not far from two guards outside another cell. “We operate within Citadel law, Commander, and receive prisoners that are too big a threat to remain on their home world or place of arrest.”

“Uh-huh. And you run this entire operation on your good will, is that it?”

“We're paid, of course. We are a ship, Commander, and as such have needs as well—fuel, repairs, crew requirements and such. So if we stop by a port for such things, we're paid to be on our way. Wouldn't want an escape to happen there. Much easier to deal with in space, where we can simply space someone if necessary.”

Shepard's jaw dropped. Talk about _cold_. There was clearly no way this was within any form of Citadel law that wasn't using loopholes, bribes, and the like to pretend to exist legally, and it made her grind her teeth together. She knew damn well that on average many prisoners _did_ earn their place with a crime, but not _all_ were so guilty.

“We take the worst of the worst as well. The murderers, rapists, all that. The ones nobody will miss or wants around.”

“Naturally. Much easier to keep the bribes up, I'll bet,” Shepard countered, and Mordin snickered behind her while he stepped to eye out the clear wall of the tube.

The Warden's amber turian eyes tightened even more on her, and Shepard knew she'd pushed too many buttons. Too bad, she supposed. She couldn't help that her moral fiber _hated_ the fact that she was going to do exactly the opposite of what she wanted to do.

She'd have to remember to message Chellick about the time he forced her to pay for mods for his investigation. Clearly Chellick hadn't liked doing that, and Kuril _did_ enjoy this.

 _Power hungry fuck._  
  
Shepard followed him onward, asking about her person of interest.

“Jack? Jack is...the nastiest, most terrifying little bundle of hate, insanity, and lack of conscience I've ever seen. You'll have your hands full,” Kuril declared, and the shudder that went briefly through his shoulders was _real_.

It did _not_ settle her concerns about this person one bit.

Miranda shrugged, catching the look of wariness on her face. “Jack refuses to cooperate, we can deal with it.”

Having nearly had to shoot Wrex on Virmire before, Shepard knew that feeling. But God, did she hate it.

Someone caught the Warden's attention, and he told them to take the left tube, continuing down to processing. He'd meet them shortly after dealing with whatever it was, and Shepard sighed, honestly glad to be away from him for a moment.

She paused to listen to a prisoner who begged her to pay for him, too, and when she asked what he'd done to get in, his list was pretty dirty but nothing she wouldn't have expected for being in there.

“We're only here for Jack,” Miranda reminded her, as if she needed it.

Shepard rolled her green eyes. “I know. This isn't me looking at puppies in a window store.”

“Wait. You're here for _Jack_? Never mind. I'll stay right here,” the prisoner piped up and moved to the back of his tiny boxed cell, sliding to the floor.

“This Jack must really be something,” Shepard murmured, moving on.

They caught two turians with a cell next to their left branching turn, and Shepard's rolling gut finally spilled over.

One turian kept watch outside the cell while the other was literally kicking the shit out of the prisoner inside it, a human with absolutely nowhere to go and no way to defend himself, either.

“What are you doing? Is _this_ regulation? Really?!”

“Go on, please. Nothing to see here.”

Shepard sneered and came forward harshly. “Are _you_ really any better than _that guy_ in there on the ground doing this? Just beating him for _fun_?”

The turian outside the cell sighed, looking at her through his helmet. When she refused to back down and even tilted her head in turian form, he signaled for the turian inside to stop, if only to shut her up in his surprise at the gesture.

By the time they actually made it to the out processing area, Shepard was beyond ready to get the _hell off_ the ship. An immediate sense of something _wrong_ went through her as they entered, found no one inside waiting, and the door sealed behind them while one opened at a far end of the room, looking quite like one of the cells outside.

Shepard kicked a nearby desk, desperately wishing she'd brought Garrus now. He was going to _lose_ it when he found out.

“On second thought, Commander, you would sell for a _much_ higher profit than what Cerberus has already paid us. If you'll please cooperate and go within the far door, you have my promise to try to treat you as _kindly_ as possible for a _guest_ ,” Kuril spoke over the intercom in the room, instantly pissing her off.

“Greedy bastards,” Miranda snapped and yanked her SMG from her hip. “As if the Illusive Man will just let that go.”

“As you humans say, Shepard—two birds, one stone. Clever.”

“Mordin, so not helping,” Shepard grumbled and moved, signaling her two partners to get behind other desks in case of the other door opening. “Hey, Kuril? I'm not into that kind of crap, so _no_ thank you. But I _will_ get Jack before I leave this place to crumble around you.”

“Very well, _Commander_.”

There was a harsh click over the intercom.

And then the door did open, and Blue Suns guards entered with FENRIS mechs at their heels.

Shepard, combined with Miranda, managed to fry both mechs quickly enough, leaving Mordin open to throw incineration tech that put a quick halt on the guards still advancing. She advanced both of them flanking her, and shot two bullets, one for each guard's helmet, and kept moving, kept focused.

They went out into the tube, incapacitated more guards, and entered a room from another hall that clearly looked like a very unique type of holding cell reserved for the _worst_ and most _dangerous_ criminals in the ship.

“Bingo,” Shepard smiled and messed with the interface. “Let's get Jack out.”

“This will unlock _every_ cell on this block, Shepard,” Miranda warned, gloved finger pointing at the flashing message on the screen by her.

Shepard swallowed and pressed another button, using EDI's help for an override. “Well. Godspeed to those bastards.”

“Cryo-state. Triple locked. _Dangerous_ ,” Mordin inferred as the process began to unlock the odd contraption in the middle of the room on the other side of the viewing glass. “Should be helpful, if really so powerful.”

Shepard held her breath, leaning forward with Miranda until the process finished.

Both raised brows.

“That's...Jack?” Shepard asked, impressed and more than a little disconcerted.

A human woman covered with tattoos, odd cargo pants, and what could barely even be called a halter top that strapped over bare breasts and _had_ to chafe nipples stood inside the inner lock, wrists still under heavy clamps.

Her shaved head hung forward with the shakiness of waking from cryo, and then Shepard watched Jack jerk aware, glance down to both cuffs, and with a surge of biotic energy, literally rip her hands up and snap them like twigs.

Two of the giant mechs started up below from corners they couldn't see, and Shepard panicked, hoping Jack could hold out until she at least found away downstairs if she couldn't break the thick protective glass in front of her.

To her shock the woman just charged back a blue glowing fist, screamed, and ran toward the space below the window where the mech noises were stomping around.

Shepard caught herself as the explosions rocked the room they were in, and she stared, wide-eyed, at Miranda. “Holy _fuck!_ ”

“We need to go _now_ ,” Miranda said, blue eyes in control.

Shepard entirely agreed. She ran out the next door, both of them on her boot heels, and navigated some corridors, shooting at guards and prisoners that shot back in the middle of their own fighting.

“Well, at least some of them are still alive!” she managed to shout over the gunfire sounds.

“Guards or prisoners?” Mordin asked, blasting a nearby Blue Suns human with a cryo hit and knocking the man back to shoot him.

“Both.”

More explosions rocked the actual ship around them, and massive system wide warnings hit the speakers as EDI chimed in with her own warnings for them to get out as soon as possible.

“Jack is on a rampage and destroying several system wide support pipes and structures, Commander. You have little time with stabilization rates falling,” the AI stated in her comm, concern evident and appreciated by Shepard.

“You heard the lady,” Shepard declared, ignored the look from Miranda, and ran for it, following the path of destruction EDI described and dropping her mouth open at all the holes in walls, burst steaming pipes, dead bodies and broken mechs they were stepping over in their rush.

Eventually they made it to a large open area that Shepard had glimpsed through their original route of the tube hall, a spot where prisoners could walk about freer for small amounts of time.

It was _currently_ filled with guards and prisoners shooting one another, and one of those giant mechs on the far right heading their direction.

Shepard situated herself along the left wall, Mordin and Miranda below her clearing that way and keeping angled for protection from the right. She kept firing and using her cloak to slowly work her way from cover spot to anything she could make into one, her internal voice grating as Kuril somehow _still_ kept talking over the goddamn intercom, shouting orders and cursing her out.

“That's what you get, you corrupt asshole,” she muttered and fired her own incineration power, hearing armor sizzle over the crate in front of her as it struck its target.

Kuril himself marched out in his armor and kicked on a highly defensive shield, drawn by the power of four pylons nearby. Shepard barked the order to distract the mech while she went for the shields, since the Warden bastard was still shooting _at her_ in his bubble of ridiculousness.

“Shields low. Will add fire. Overload when ready,” Mordin responded over their link, and Shepard ducked just in time for her own shields to break and her shoulder to miss one of Kuril's bullets as it whizzed past to smack into an already dead body.

The sound of Miranda's overloading crackle went off somewhere up and to the right, and there was a large explosion, definitely the mech.

Shepard sighed in relief while her shields rebuilt, and she switched to her sniper rifle. “All right. Clean up the rest. Distract him if there's too few. I'm going for the pylons.”

“On it, Commander,” Miranda replied, sounding oddly chirpy for once.

Shepard shrugged it off and glanced down her scope from her right, aiming for a pylon not far from Miranda's newest position. One well aimed shot to the center broke it apart, and she slid the Viper around for the next above it and to the left slightly. It shattered, and Kuril snarled over the intercom as he kept shooting her direction, smacking into the crates she hid behind with his bullets.

Cloak activated, she slid to the left and up behind some tables, hoping he hadn't noticed the movement. She brought her gun up to the edge as Miranda shot through the third pylon and Mordin covered them both by taking out a remaining guard behind some storage.

Shepard aimed, breath slowing. “Blow the final pylon, fry his shields, and he's mine.”

On cue, the fourth pylon erupted in a shower of glass and metal. The bubble faded out around the Warden as he went from firing at Shepard's last location to firing near Miranda's to the far right along the other wall.

She waited two beats, watched her squad sync up until her readings showed Kuril's shields drop; she held her breath, steadied her heart with practice, and fired.

The round flew across the room faster than she could blink, entered the side of Kuril's head and went out, leaving a gush of brain and blood as the turian collapsed to the floor.

“ _Nice_ shot, Commander,” Miranda verbally applauded her as Shepard ran around the corner past the body and caught up to them, cloak long flickered back out.

She snapped her sniper rifle back upon her armor and withdrew her pistol again while nodding, exhilarated, but annoyed all the same with the sirens still going off. “You guys were excellent back there,” she called over her shoulder, still running through the next section of back halls that wrapped thankfully toward the docking entrance.

They all slid to harsh stops when they found Jack herself pacing, screaming at seeing their ship with its Cerberus logo.

Jack raised a pistol she'd taken from someone up and right on Shepard. “Drop the weapons.”

“Hey, we're here to get _you_ outta here. Don't shoot your taxi.”

“I'm not going _anywhere_ with a Cerberus ship. You're fuckin' crazy, if you think that!”

Shepard glanced to Miranda, brow up. “Problem here?”

Miranda glared toward Jack. “Only if she keeps it up.”

Jack took three steps forward, gun focused on Lawson now. “Ah, look, a Cerberus cheerleader bitch. Fantastic. Like I'm going _anywhere_ with _her_.”

“You're going with _me_ , or you're staying here to go down with the ship. Your choice,” Shepard snapped, unafraid, her pistol lowered. “I'm not staying much longer, Jack.”

“Look, I'm only going if you give me access to Cerberus files. I wanna know the _shit they've got_ on me,” Jack demanded, dark eyes furious and made even more intimidating by the thick black eyeliner and mascara around them.

Shepard glanced to Miranda, found her fuming, and made her decision as Purgatory rocked once more. “Fine. Let's go.”

“Commander!”

“You'll give her access, Miranda, and I'll take the heat. Let's _go_.”

Miranda shut her mouth, looking absolutely pissed off.

Shepard didn't care. She had no true loyalty to Cerberus, and she wasn't going out like this with Garrus that fucking close by, with him in her life again.

They ran as a group toward the airlock and made it through the docking tube and into their ship's airlock, all breathing heavily, even Mordin as Joker detached the _Normandy_ as quickly as possible and shot their asses far away with a boost of speed.

“Always...a-adventure...with you, Shepard,” Mordin muttered, taking the two other angry women off guard as they'd already started visually squaring off.

Shepard just laughed and threw her hand over her face, knowing damn well what she was walking into next _on_ the ship was almost worse than what they'd just left.

She wanted a drink, damn it. And some turian kisses, too.

 


	24. Experimenting Stress Relief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little tickle and tongue goes a long way after a bad day.  
> [Much needed fluff. Enjoy.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.
> 
> My argument is Shepard's been through hella surgeries and exposed to a lot. I doubt a lil spit is gonna take her out, yeah?  
> That would suck, if so.

  
  
  
  
  
  
"All right, you've had access for an hour. Trust me a little more, now? I'm not throwing you in a cell. I don't even have one on this ship."  
  
Dark eyes that once glared a hole through her now shift, still suspicious, but less so. "Don't trust you, no, but...I know it took balls to do it, so thanks."

"Welcome," Shepard sighed, still in her armor after debriefing the Illusive Man personally on the fucking bust that was Purgatory. She leaned against the pipes under the engineering deck, watching Jack as the woman paced slightly before flopping down upon a cot that had been rigged up. "Sure you wanna stay down here?"  
  
"It's dark, safe, and quiet. Duh."  
  
"Yeah, okay, duh, I'll give you that one."  
  
Jack stared at her intensely with the smudged eye makeup, head low, arms hanging over her knees. "You're fucking  _weird_ , you know that?"  
  
Shepard snorted under her breath. "Yeah. I know. You look me up, too?"  
  
"Yeah. First human Spectre—you kicked ass at that. But you made a fucking mistake going back to the Alliance to just get killed and wind up a Cerberus toy. Get the fuck out of here, if you know what's good. Take this bitch and go pirate. I'll even  _help_."

"As tempting as that is, I'm pretty certain they'd find my ass. Plus, I kinda need the resources right now to deal with these big ass bugs—I mean, the Collectors—and the abductions."

Jack shook her head, scowling at her. “Fucking Girl Scout, aren't you.”

“I might be, yeah. I do my job, and I try to do it as best I can to prevent mass casualties and follow an honorable code of sorts. Doesn't mean I don't have my faults, and it definitely doesn't mean I can't be a bitch if I need to be,” Shepard admitted and looked away, eyes roaming through the red lighting intermixing around them. “I've...been a bit angrier since being back. I think it's letting me release stress in a way I tried not to before so much, being Alliance.”  
  
“Whatever, good for you.”

“What's your story, Jack?”

The air became thick with tension, thicker than it had been _since_ they'd stepped into the ship's airlock, and Shepard had watched the former prisoner and her second glare at one another all the way down the elevator to the mess. The Illusive Man hadn't been too happy with Shepard's decision to force Miranda to share file access for Jack, but he understood because he understood investments better than anything—to get full cooperation, they'd need Jack's trust. And while _he_ might be okay with giving Jack information in such dark manipulation, Shepard genuinely just hoped that whatever the biotic found _helped her_ get through clearly whatever it was that had her set against Cerberus even more than Shepard herself was.  
  
“Don't think you get that information just 'cause you pulled some strings.”

“I don't want details. I just want to know if you're going to rampage and kill every uniform on this ship with this grudge, deserved or otherwise.”

Jack shot forward to her feet and was in Shepard's face in an instant, looming and threatening in the semi-dark. “It's _deserved_ , you bitch. They _tortured me_ as a _child_. Sound good enough for your fucking moral cause, Shepard?”  
  
Yeah. Yeah it did.

Shepard pushed off the wall. She hadn't read through the files yet. “Excuse me? They _tortured you_ as a child _? Damn it_ , I knew it had to be bigger than just run-ins. I figured at first maybe they'd employed you, screwed you, and left you to rot in a prison somewhere.”

“Same difference. They used me as a kid, they screwed me all the fuckin' same, and I slaughtered my way the fuck away from them.”

“I'm sorry,” Shepard said, voice softer and green eyes empathetic.

Jack pushed away, shaking her shaved head. “Fuck off with that shit. I don't need your goddamn sympathy. I don't want your fucking disgusting pity. I just want my fucking _revenge_ , okay? I find out enough to do it, you help me get it, and we're fucking square. I'll kill _every_ big, ugly bug you want, and I won't shoot anyone on this ship.”

Well, _that_ was likely the best deal she was going to _get_ with this woman.

Shepard's fist clenched at her side while she burned with the need to go read these files for herself. “I wanna read it through, if you don't mind. Not because I don't believe you, but because I like to plan, even if I do end up working spontaneously anyway. There's only so much I can do _against_ them right now, and that's fucking annoying, but true.”  
  
The angry biotic huffed and walked away, back facing Shepard with her own fists balled and glowing briefly at her sides. “Read what you gotta, if you must, but I'll hold you to your fucking word, or I'll have your head.”

“Watch it,” Shepard snapped and took a harsh step, the metal echoing from her heavy boot. “I may wanna help you, and I may be super pissed on your behalf in the next hour and do whatever I can for you, but I _damn well_ expect some fucking respect of _some kind_ aimed my way. This ship is _under my control_ , and I am former military. I expect it to run well, smooth, and with some damn order if we're to do _anything_ about these abductions—the _entire_ reason we're here.”

Jack said nothing, but her fists glowed again and then stopped suddenly.

Shepard exhaled loudly, tired, stressed, and angry all over again. “If I need to be a bad ass bitch like you to get points across, I will. I prefer to be as diplomatic as possible, given my past, but my leash is shorter these days with my temper, so just remember—you aren't the only one on this ship that has a _huge_ bone to pick with the Illusive Man.”

The tattooed head turned, one brown eye hot over a bare shoulder.

Shepard didn't flinch. She stared back, unyielding.

The stand off lasted almost a full thirty seconds, and then Jack smirked, surprising her entirely. The biotic shifted, crossed her arms over her odd breast halter, and nodded. “You did get me out of that cryo cell, and you did give me access without hesitating. Fine. You read that shit, Shepard, and we'll talk. Just don't expect us to be _friends_.”

“Fair enough,” Shepard sighed, waved and walked back up the stairs, her boots feeling even heavier as her gross, sweaty body begged her for a fucking hot shower.  
  
She made it upstairs to her cabin, stripped, and jumped in to appease it, but she sent a little ping to Garrus first, knowing he was _really_ just what she needed.

 

 

\------------------------  


 

 

The elevator moved faster than the old one had, but it was still a bit too slow for his taste.

Garrus tapped a foot, counting the couple of minutes until he walked out toward the top floor cabin.

Admittedly, he was nervously excited. Shepard had pinged him, asking if he wouldn't mind spending some downtime with her after her very intense conversations with the crazy biotic recruit, Jack. At the end of her message had been a simple x, which confused the hell out of him until he'd gone on the net and figured out it meant a kiss.

Garrus knocked at the door and stepped back a little as it opened, revealing her in front of him. His blue eyes took in the tiredness her body held, despite her lively green eyes and waiting smile. Shepard had already changed into her off-duty night clothing: some sort of shirt and shorts combo he didn't get but  _really_ appreciated. Though she lacked familiar legs without spurs, she had long, shaped legs nonetheless that stirred him.

“Garrus. Got my message, huh.”

“Yep. So...rough time with the crazy, huh? Let alone the  _nightmare_ getting her. I should have  _been there_.”

“Ugh. I know, I know. Honestly I don't know if she has a gooey core like most of us. I mean, I'm hoping. Jack's...obviously been through a fuck load, so she's justifiably nuts, but still. I  _did_ give her ass a ride out after she saved herself, more or less. Would have been great to get a thank you. The only one I got was for letting her get file access on anything related to her past,” Shepard stated and gestured for him to follow her inside.

Garrus's eyes safely slid over her back to her waist, a bit mesmerized once more by the sway she had when she walked sometimes. He was betting it was only around him in moments like this, and he was liking that. Shepard's waist was eye-catching and yet again not turian and yet sort of. But it was the round fleshy ass that still boggled him—he absolutely loved it. Turian females tended to have more muscles there, sure, but humanity got probably double to triple the amount. And as he watched her step down toward her couches, Garrus forced his eyes off that tantalizing part of her.

“Garrus?”

His head snapped up; she'd spun tightly at his silence in the conversation. “Hm?”

“You, uh, okay there?” Shepard looked concerned for a moment if her brows were set correctly, and he immediately wanted to dispel worry. He knew how she handled worry.

Garrus nodded and gave her a small smile. “Yeah, I'm fine. Listening.”

“Oh. Well. Hm.” Shepard eyed him, smiled back, and sat down on the corner of the L-shaped couch. “C'mere.”

Garrus bent and sat down near her, his knees high up before he relaxed his legs out in front of him. With a dual-toned sigh, he looked to her. “Just glad you got out of Purgatory all right. I was  _pissed_  when Joker told me what that fucking Kuril attempted. Should have taken me. I'd have killed him. Fucker should have learned his stupid mistake about trying to kidnap my girlfriend the hard way. At least you got a hell of a kill shot, according to the salarian.”

“I know, hon. He's dead now, floating in his prison in space as he should be.” There was a moment of silence before Shepard quietly reached out and brushed her fingers over his hand. Garrus glanced down to the action and took hers into his, pressuring their fingers together. He sniffed and caught a thread of arousal in her scent. Shepard sighed and looked at him from under her red hair. “I...missed you today.”

Garrus felt warmth inside of his chest stir at her words. He stroked his talon over the back of her hand. “Missed you, too.”

“Yeah?”

“Well yeah,” he teased, eyes twinkling. "Worried the hell out of me."

Garrus leaned toward her on the couch, gaze traveling up her bare legs to her face. Shepard had reddened some at that, but he found he liked it. With a slight smirk despite his jumping nervousness, he smoothly lifted her bent legs and scooted closer so that he could lay them back down upon his lap. He sat their joined hands over her thigh and debated touching her with his free hand. It never stopped amazing him how soft her skin was. How did she survive anything with such soft skin?

Shepard's green eyes traveled over his face and down to their hands, his talons gently brushing her skin. She closed them and breathed deeply, as though she were meditating there. Garrus took the moment to remove his visor and sat it on her coffee table, then shifted a little under her legs to angle toward her. His free hand very slowly brushed her lower leg. Her eyes reopened then, and he was thankful that she emoted through them as much as he did, that he could recognize the happiness there.

“Different...skin, huh?” she quietly asked, still looking over his hand against her skin.

Garrus titled his head and glanced downward to his lap. “Yeah. You're...soft. Smooth.”

“I shaved today.”

“Huh?”

Shepard reddened again and chewed her lip a little. “Humans are mammals—hair covered, milk making, and oxygen breathing vertebrates. Though we've evolved beyond thicker hair some of our lesser animal relatives and past ancestors had, we still have...light coating of it in most places. Some human women have removed this from their legs and under arms especially via shaving or waxing or laser for centuries depending on culture backgrounds. It's a beauty thing that reinforces gender differences, I guess. Fuck that, though, I just like feeling smooth on the sheets sometimes.”

Garrus chuckled a little. “So if you hadn't...shaved...?”

“It'd be smooth, but with a bit of pokey feeling from the growing hair follicles. And over a longer period of time, hair like here on my arm would be there, probably.” Shepard considered him as Garrus let out a quiet breath and gave in to his desire to touch her.

Slowly he slid his palm down her leg, savoring the softness of her skin over her toned muscle. Her breath caught as he kept moving until he gently took her foot in his hand and examined it. He shook his head as he touched her five toes, finding them...kind of cute, actually. One talon ran back up under her foot, and Shepard jolted.

“You okay?” he asked, surprised as she did it again. Garrus went to remove his hand, thinking he'd harmed her, but Shepard broke into a laugh. He smiled, confused. “Um, babe?”

Shepard covered her face as she kept laughing, then finally caught her breath again. “Shit, I forgot my feet were ticklish. Last time I got tickled there I was a kid and Caios was trying to distract me from not getting a flight simulator game I'd wanted.”

Garrus smiled, wondering how the old turian in her past must have seen a young Shepard. Adorable, probably. She still could be if the mood struck her right. “So if I do...this....” he trailed off, laughing as he traced his talon under her arch, and Shepard reared back with a laugh and a jerk of their joined hands.

“Damn it, Garrus! Oh! Okay! Stop!” she cackled. Garrus kept up the movement for a few seconds, absolutely amused by this physical reaction, and then quit as she asked. Shepard wiped her eyes. “I shouldn't have explained that.”

“You ticklish elsewhere?” he asked out of curiosity, turian blues roving her in thought.

Shepard's brows went up, and she got a look on her face that he didn't quite understand. But her smell changed, and  _that_  he got. Garrus almost shuddered at the delicious scent as she grew more aroused at his question. “Maybe,” she finally answered softly, green glittering eyes catching his gaze.

“Mm,” Garrus hummed, eyes narrowed sensually. “Am I gonna get to find out where someday?”

She rubbed her legs together and squeezed his hand. “Oh, I hope so.”

“Good. I wanna know.”

“Are you ticklish, Garrus?”

He titled his head, thinking and finding a rare memory of his father playing with him in his childhood, large talons dancing over the edge of his plating near his sides. Garrus seized up. “Yes. In one spot.”

Shepard instantly lit up with the challenge in her eyes that he'd expected. “Oh?” she asked, voice deceptively uninterested.

Garrus smirked at her and brought his face closer to brush their brows together. “Mm-hm.”

“Let me guess—your...lower neck, above the cowl?”

Garrus brought his brows up. “Very educated guess. But nope. Probably some turians that are ticklish there, though.”

“Well damn. Higher or lower?”

“Lower.”

Shepard brushed her free fingers up over his good cheek. “Hm. Belly?”

“My...what?”

“Your stomach.”

“Oh. Nope.”

“...lower?”

Garrus flushed and felt his neck grow warm. “Um, no, in between sort of.”

Shepard pulled back with an almost terrifying expression of satisfaction. “Garrus Vakarian, are you ticklish in your sides?”

He tried to not smile at her excitement, but gave in anyway. Crown nodding, he laughed. “Yeah.”

“Oh, I'm gonna find it.” Shepard pushed closer to him on the couch, bending her legs over his. She raised their clasped hands up and over to give her room.

Garrus only grinned at her. “That so?”

“Payback is a bitch, Garrus.”

“If you can find it, then maybe.”

Shepard smirked at him in determination and rested her free hand over one of his sides. Garrus inhaled tightly at the feel of her soft hand over his thinner clothing—the gentle pressure of her little fingers against his body. “Am I...close?”

“Now why would I tell you?” he joked and brushed his nose over her head.

“Guess I'll find out.” Shepard let her hand wander a little, human cheeks red once more, scent spicy with nervousness yet peppered with arousal.

Garrus fought the urge to groan as she spread her fingertips and brushed down his side. Every small touch she'd ever given him had been absolutely amazing. Garrus started to close his eyes in an attempt to control his bodily reactions to her touch, but then he felt it—a jolt shot through him and he jerked underneath her legs, torso twisting as her fingers found the spot near the bottom edge of his side plating through his shirt.

Shepard laughed in triumph and dug in, causing him to squirm. “Found it!”

“Damn it!” he growled. Garrus smiled inwardly at the playfulness he felt coming on—something he'd not felt in years and not really with a female this way much before. He brought his own free hand back to her foot and touched her arch. Shepard jerked away from him, yanking her hand from his with a cute shriek. “Fair is fair, A!”

Shepard stood in front of him, her expression subtly changing from one of playfulness to something completely different. Garrus slightly frowned as he tried to decipher it: she seemed nervous again, debating something.

“What is it?” he asked, a little worried.

“I...um. I want...to...can I...ugh. I sound like an idiot,” she grumbled and looked away.

Garrus sat up and forward, large hands coming to hold her waist. He shuddered at feeling that part of her and felt his pelvic plating shift a little. With a tight swallow he met her surprised eyes as she looked back to him at his touch. “You don't sound like an idiot, Athena. You sound like a person in a new relationship. It's fine. How do you think I sound half the time?”

“That's...true. I don't know. As nervous as I think you get, you're still...slick.”

“Meaning?”

Shepard stepped forward and softly pressed her lips to his brow. Garrus stirred and pressed upward against her lips, wanting to keep feeling the flesh against his plating. “Meaning you're suave. A guy with experience nonetheless. Confidence. Well, until you get super flirty, then it's sweetly awkward.”

“Hey now...I'm not  _bad_  at this stuff. It's just...new with you.” Garrus sighed and leaned into her, his face against the round flesh of her chest. He asked excitedly, trying to keep his tone smooth, “What is it you...want to do?” 

Shepard stroked a little over his brow with her fingers, then once back over his fringe. Garrus sighed into her, feeling so good at that moment and just...unsure but wanting to do more. “Well there's a thing humans do, especially when they're dating.”

“What?”

“It's called making out.”

Garrus pulled back. “What's that?”

Shepard bit her lip, hands framing his face. “Okay, so you know how I kiss you sometimes and you like it?”

“Uh huh,” he agreed, eyes going straight to her mouth.

“Well...it's a lot of that, but...different. It's more passionate.”

Garrus felt his body thrum in intrigue. His subharmonics bounced around delicately in interest as he tightened his grip on her waist. “Sounds...good.”

“Some of how it's done might be...risky with us. It all depends on how you handle it. And, you know. Dextro stuff on your end for me.”

“I'm willing to learn things if you are,” he countered with an honest shrug. “Teach me, babe. I want...I want to be able to give you what you need.”

Spirits, it killed him to think there would always be things he  _couldn't_ do that she'd want or need sexually or romantically.

Shepard blushed and rubbed her thumbs over his cheeks. “Okay. Sit back.”

Garrus immediately complied and rumbled with excitement as she climbed onto his lap, kneeling over him. His talons pricked a little on her clothes at her waist as he held her.

Shepard leaned close and gently kissed his mouth, earning a groan from him. She pulled back with a smile at that. “So...the differences lie in style. Making out usually involves open mouthed kissing, and...okay this is going to sound absolutely bizarre probably, but it's kissing with...tongues. As in I would put...mine in your...mouth, and visa versa, or touch them. Like you'd lick me  _there._ ”

He said nothing, trying to imagine how to do such a thing when it had never occurred to him to try before. Kissing at all was not a turian type of affection or sexual stimulation, even though licking sure was, so this was all new in a sense. But he was curious, and it sounded  _hot_. He wanted to try, and he understood her worry about freaking him out.

“Hm. Sounds interesting.”

“It does?” Her tone echoed its soft surprise.

“Sure. You wanna try it?”

“If we do you gotta let me lead for a while until you get it. I don't want to...have any accidental bad bites or a tongue piercing from your teeth,” she explained, blinking. “Okay?”

“Okay.” Garrus nodded and summoned confidence he wasn't truly feeling right then. “Kiss me, Shepard,” he softly commanded.

Shepard's eyes rounded at the order, but her scent grew rich in arousal. Garrus moaned a little at smelling it, glad she got off on a bit of role reversal. He closed his eyes as she settled her lips to his mouth. As she requested he do, he let her lead, only pushing back a little when she seemed to want him to do it. After a few moments her lips parted over his mouth. Shepard groaned against him, fingers skating over his fringe and making him feel completely lost. Garrus slowly mimicked her by opening his mouth a fraction under hers and pushing back, satisfied when she vocalized again.

They paused a moment. The air was thick with tension, delicious sexual tension, and Garrus couldn't stop his tongue from drawing out to lick under her jaw. Her skin was slightly salty, but tasted good all the same to him as he repeated the lick, enjoying her tightened grip on his head. Shepard glanced to him when he stopped, her eyes full of emotion he'd never expected to see aimed at him in the past—there was raw sexual need there, and he recognized that look in his soul.

Her lips were immediately back over his mouth, her nails skittering under his fringe on his neck. Garrus shuddered and squeezed her waist with his palms.

Then, gently, he felt something soft and wet stroke over his mouth. Garrus sighed at her licking him, feeling a sweet sort of familiarity in it, then tilted his head under hers as she pushed him. She prodded at his mouth until he started to remember what she'd previously said. He shuddered again and opened his mouth, his own tongue coming out to lightly stroke hers.

The feeling was absolutely wild. Her tongue was soft and wider across with little bumps that caressed his. Compared to hers his own tongue was cylindrical in nature—thicker, rounder and longer with a more pointed tip. Shepard made a very interesting noise as she pulled him closer and, with careful effort, slid her tongue a little into his mouth. New amazing sensations rocked through his body as he felt her tongue rub around and against his.

Garrus let her lead briefly before he felt consumed by need; his tongue slipped between her lips and he felt her soft mouth and flat teeth. Amazed by it, he let one hand slide up to cup her head and pulled her closer to him, groaning into her at this fascinating new thing.

Shepard let him kiss her for a while, fingers trailing up and down his neck some while he explored the novelty. After that she slowly pulled back, her tongue rubbing down his as she withdrew from his mouth. Garrus mimicked her, eyes still shut as he closed his jaw. When he finally opened them, he saw her staring at him in wonder, just as he was staring at her.

Neither spoke for several moments. Neither could move beyond this connected stare of unspoken emotions and needs. Garrus knew he desperately needed to learn more about her kind, her body and what he could do to give her the most pleasure when they'd finally have actual sex. Spirits, it was all he could think about sometimes—the absorbing curiosity as to what she'd feel like haunted him. He'd need research. He'd need help. Fuck him, he needed  _Joker's_  help, as the one human male he could trust, and that was going to be  _painful_.

Shepard blew her breath out and searched his eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Yes. Why wouldn't I be?” he asked.

“Allergic reactions,” she murmured, satisfied when he shook his head. “Good. I feel fine, too.”

“Good.”

“So....”

“So.”

Shepard grinned awkwardly.

Garrus rubbed her jaw with his nose, tongue darting out to lick again. “How'd...I do?” he asked beneath her.

Shepard moaned and stroked his face with one hand. “Amazing,” she answered. “Not sure why I'm even surprised that you nail something sans experience on the first try anymore.”

“I'm very adaptable,” he agreed with a smirk.

“That'll come in handy a lot, huh.”

“Yep.”

A calmer quiet settled over them as Shepard settled against his chest, her arms about him as his were around her. Garrus closed his eyes, mandible against her soft hair, and felt like falling asleep. Yet again there was this perfect balance, this strange harmony in how they fit despite all of the contrast that made them.

Shepard tightened her grip about him slightly. “I used to daydream about this, you know.”

“Hm?” Blue eyes blinked opened.

“Being...like this. With you. Wondering what it would be like.”

Garrus stroked her hip in his hold. “What's...the one human phrase? Dutto?”

“Ditto.” Shepard laughed on his lap. “Sorry. But yes, it's ditto.”

“Ditto, then.”

“You thought about this stuff on the first run?”

“Yeah, I started to toward the end once I got most of my feelings squared away and understood,” he admitted, happy that now he had that chance to experience those daydreams. "You being in my place kicked a lot of it off."

Shepard leaned off of him a little to shift and eye him. “What would you think about, Garrus?”

“Hm. I'd think about...little things. Walking past, touching your waist, seeing how you responded. For us that's an obvious flirtation, like baring my neck, but more intimate. Now I imagine us joking around and me saying something to make you pause, and instead of letting the moment go, I'd just take straight advantage of it by surprising you with something—pulling you into my arms and biting your neck. How to make this not sound weird for you...so biting and licking are kind of our 'make out' thing?”

“Makes sense. Shit, Garrus, if you'd done any of those things I think you'd have gotten laid by now.”

Garrus threw his head back and laughed, the sound very rich in the room. “Damn, Shepard.”

She was silent a moment, fingers playing with a snap on his shirt. “You will, you know.”

“Hm?”

“Get laid.”

Garrus stilled under her, nerves suddenly lighting with awareness. It was something they'd only made some jokes about before and an obvious goal between them to have that type of connection, but to hear her say it that way was a little awing. “I will, huh?”

“Yeah.” She gave him a lift of her mouth, some fingers sliding down his chest catching his breath. “You will, big guy.”

“Y-You know that that isn't all I w-want right?” he choked out in desperation as he fought to control his lower body. Garrus had no idea how she'd react to him presenting below her.

But it seemed she wanted that. Shepard angled herself until her back was to his chest, her amazing round ass resting against him, one hand on his leg and the other intertwined loosely with one of his. “I know. If we just wanted to fuck, we would have. Since we  _do_  want more out of this relationship, it makes things a little more nerve-wracking.”

“Yeah,” he nodded in agreement behind her. “It does.”

Shepard rubbed back against him as she rested her head on his shoulder. “But no pressure, okay? Don't worry.”

“Heh.” Pressure wasn't the problem. Though the literal pressure from her sexy behind was definitely going to make a possible problem very soon despite his best efforts. “I'm not worried. I just want to make sure it happens when it...should. Like, I want us to get comfortable together, but I also don't want to put it off for ages because we're worried about....”

“About?”

“What will happen if we...don't...mesh.” Garrus lightly rested his wounded cheek against the crown of her head. The very idea that he could feel so much for her, want so much, and then have the incompatibility forced against him regardless was terrifying.

She didn't reply, and the silence was disturbing. He spoke again, nervous. “I don't think that'll happen, not with how I feel about you. But I guess it is a risk, yeah?”

“I suppose.” There was a shrug against his ribs and carapace. “I get your point. It makes me nervous some, but to be honest, Garrus, I don't care.”

His mandibles fluttered a little. “Want me that much, huh.”

“I fight the urge to jump you on a regular basis. Sometimes I just look at you and...and it's all I can think about. Getting you naked and being with you. Feeling you...in me.”

The growl tore from him without notice, just as he slid out of his protective plating, so far aroused at that moment from her words that he couldn't believe it possible.

Shepard made a low, needy noise as she registered him, and slowly she turned her nose under his jaw.

Garrus sat absolutely still, beyond excited that she had reacted so well and her scent was so reassuring.

Then, to his utter surprise, she rubbed against him with her ass. The sensation was akin to drinking water after almost dying of thirst: so much relief and release and satisfaction slammed into him that he cried out enough for her to hear and respond. Shepard curled the fingers on his leg into his muscle some and slid them upward.

“Spirits, A.,” he moaned and clutched at her on his lap.

Without caring he bent his head and settled his teeth on her throat, earning him a surprised, but happy sound. Shepard writhed against him, her free arm coming up to hook around his cowl. Their intertwined fingers rested on her soft stomach, and he flexed his grip to settle his palm over her hand and skin in a claiming move. Turian blue eyes grew hazy as he licked over the area he'd bitten, as she still rubbed against him some in curiosity. Garrus came aware the moment he imprinted and deepened his scent mark on her. It made her smell so damn  _good_ , so  _his_. He was so close to just throwing her on the bed that it wasn't funny.

“Jesus, Garrus,” she gasped, fingers almost clawing at him. Perhaps that would bother a human, but for him it was a huge turn on. Garrus moved to lie back on the corner of the couch and pulled her with him so he could stretch his legs out. Shepard sighed against his chest and awkwardly rotated so her chin rested on his cowl. Large green eyes stared up at him, searching. “You okay?”

“Oh yeah,” he answered with half a laugh. “Just...trying to cool down.”

She smirked then, fingers knowingly going down his side to his waist. “Hm.”

“What?”

“It's...nice to see you get as hot as I do.”

Garrus groaned and rubbed his face with one hand. “Shit, Shepard, I run hot anymore.”

Her brows jumped up her forehead. “Oh?”

“Uh-huh.”

“That's...good to know,” Shepard winked at him. “Be prepared, Garrus. I'm going to tease the hell out of you from now on.”

“I suppose I'll have to suffer,” he smiled and rolled with her awkwardly on the couch, teeth nipping her neck as they chuckled together in the quiet.

 


	25. Elbow of Respect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

Something about Jack really fascinated her, and she wasn't entirely sure what it was yet. It wasn't just the visual of her—the tattoos, the outfit, the _fuck you_ attitude in each stroke of eyeliner and carefully shaved scalp.  
  
Shepard just knew that while they were riding back toward Omega for a supply stop that she wanted to figure it out.

Subsequently, Shepard took notes.

Jack didn't eat in the mess. In fact, if it weren't for EDI's cameras, Shepard would have no idea Jack ever left the sub-deck in engineering.

Jack took night showers.

Jack scowled at anyone who got within feet of her path of walking if she _did_ change floors.

And Jack _hated_ Miranda as much as Miranda had utter _disdain_ for Jack.

The last part honestly ground Shepard's teeth, because she spent an entire afternoon going through the record access she'd given Jack for herself.

What she found had been so disturbing, so _horrific_ , that Shepard had _naturally_ gone to Miranda's office afterward to demand answers.

Like, why was Cerberus even _raising_ children at one point? Why did it sound suspiciously like these kids weren't just orphans, but some may have been forcibly or criminally obtained? What was the point, even if they wanted to test biotics within humanity? Why not volunteers—adults with clear mental ability and will to make an autonomous decision for testing?

And why was _so much_ of the files redacted in details that she could only imagine in a fucking nightmare what the Cerberus staff on Pragia had possibly done _to_ Jack and the other children?

Shepard wasn't going to ask Jack for details yet, not when the woman looked like a bomb ready to explode every time she saw her. Not like Shepard blamed her either; she herself was getting _used_ to the new ship simply _because_ of the manipulation of its familiar style and abilities. Other than that, she still felt weird seeing all the black and white and yellow, still felt strange and unsure each time she sat with Kelly Chambers to try to talk.

At any rate, Miranda simply evaded her demanding questions by claiming it was another faction and cell of Cerberus operations that she had not been involved with, and as they functioned independently, she would not know any of the details or inner workings of such projects.

When Shepard merely frowned speculatively at her, Miranda sighed, admitted she _didn't approve_ of children being experimented upon, no, but that Jack's attitude was severely pissing her off _because_ the biotic wasn't seeing the difference in the cells and organization.

“Don't think that matters to an abuse victim. Not when someone at the top, over it all, is signing off everything entirely,” Shepard had said and stalked out, getting a tired huff from her second in command.

She wasn't calm enough to go right to the Illusive Man himself yet, and she figured sending him a strongly worded message where she could organize her thoughts down _to_ argue with him was much easier than letting him try to twist and turn yet another conversation between them on the long range communicator.

Garrus, at least, had more sympathy for Jack as well when Shepard had just mentioned the words “Cerberus” and “children exploitation” and no other details out of trust to Jack.

He'd shaken his pointy head in the battery and growled, “ _No wonder_ she hates all of us.”

“Even so, something tells me shit didn't get better after she left. She may have gotten control of her life, but things have obviously been crappy for a while.”

“And like the Commander I know, you wanna help her, but her distance is not letting that happen yet.”

Shepard had just groaned and leaned into his shoulder, accepting the mandible rub to her head and the soft, “there, there” of his dual-tone voice.

 

 

\----------------------

 

  
Along with Zaeed and Jack, Shepard strolled back through the markets of Omega barely two weeks later after relay travel.

It was helpful that the Omega asteroid itself was close enough to the relay in the Sahrabarik system of the Omega nebula; it cut down on travel time, which as with the Saren run was going to take up the _biggest_ chunk out of their plans, strategies, and capabilities.

Shepard signed for deliveries, then paused when Jacob clicked over on her comm. “Yeah?”

“Hey, Commander, found something. Mordin had, uh, kept it for whenever we came back around, I guess,” Jacob murmured through the connection.

“What?”

“Some datapad he said he caught near the Blood Pack. Wanted me to relay the info. He'll have it by the airlock.”

Shepard confirmed, clicked off, and jerked her head for the other two to follow.

Zaeed and Jack sniped together about the preachy batarian, each tossing out a quip to top the other's, and Shepard smiled to herself up front ahead of them.

They waited near the exit to the docking, and Shepard hoofed it where Mordin was waiting, a datapad in hand. Shepard eyed him curiously, but took it all the same. “S'this?”

“Decrypted. Finally had time outside of swarm project. Information on Aria. Might...be...worth giving.”

“Thanks, Mordin,” Shepard said, bopped him on the shoulder and ran in armor back around to where Zaeed and Jack waited, giving them a glimpse of what she held. “Errand. This should be _interesting._ ”

“Sure, Shepard. Think I'll have a drink while you do your _errands_.”

“Same. Bored out of my fuckin' mind. Gotta be better shit to do here.”

“No, no, seriously, Aria's gonna _crap_ ,” Shepard insisted, her eyes roving the information on the datapad as she quickly finished reading, turned it on standby, and took off for Afterlife itself.

Curious about her reaction, her squad followed without any more protests.

Shepard got waved through inside and nodded up to Aria's pad thanks to Grizz. Aria gave her an amused, smirking hello of a look, and Shepard took two steps, held the datapad out, and said, “You owe my crew one.”

“I owe no one anything, _Shepard_.”

“Yeah. Uh-huh. Give this a read.”

Aria leaned forward and snatched the datapad from Shepard's fingers, glaring. “Where was this found?”

Shepard moved so the asari could pace back and forth, almost to the beat of the ridiculous music blasting away in the room. “Mordin found it with some Blood Pack when we went to get Archangel during their take down. He just got the time to crack it, and thought I may wanna share it with you.”

Zaeed grunted, amused, and crossed his arms as he leaned, one foot on a high step and one on a lower. Jack eyeballed the asari, clearly a bit impressed by the badassery of the self-professed Queen of Omega, even if the human wasn't about to admit it in the slightest.

Shepard waited. And then she grinned.

Aria flung the datapad at her nearby batarian worker, furious. “ _Just_ how the _fuck_ did this info slip our net? I'm _next_ , am I? Little, little men playing with _fire_.”

The batarian blinked, apologized, and went down the stairs to immediately investigate it. Aria slammed her ass back down upon the couch, crossed her legs, and looked up to Shepard with a gaze of steeled respect.

“All right, Shepard. I do owe you one.” Aria messed with another pad to her left on the cushions and forwarded the info to Shepard's omni-tool. “Got a cache location. You want it, go get it.”

“Eh, we'll see. I mostly just wanna know that if I need a favor, I can count on it. Never know when it might come in handy.”

“Depends on the favor, Shepard.”

“Fair.”

Aria tilted her head, the smirk back in all its glory. “Tell you what. I'll guarantee a favor if you do me something else.”

Shepard glanced to Zaeed, caught his bored shrug, and nodded. “Whatcha got?”

“Patriarch. Old krogan bastard I fought with over this rock ages ago. I keep him around, you know...as a lesson. He's running his mouth with some problem. Go move him so he's safe from the merc retaliation coming. Deal with it. Keep it off my radar.”

“Kicked his ass and keep him around like a trophy and warning? Harsh, Aria.”

“Don't judge, _Commander_.”

“Christ,” Shepard sighed and shook her head, walking on down the stairs.

Grizz quickly stopped her, whispered into her ear that if Aria _actually_ did anything it'd look weak, of course, in protecting the krogan, and so just _please_ would she do it and save them all some goddamn peace of mind.

Jack and Zaeed followed her down behind to the second, lower deck of Afterlife. A side room opened up, and there the old krogan was, his rumbling voice instantly making her miss Wrex all the damn more.

Shepard introduced herself. She listened to him grumble about his own account of fighting Aria and her biotic prowess no matter her reasons he felt for keeping him alive, and she decided to be honest about the upcoming threat to his safety.

“Some mercs coming to shoot you. Let's get you out of here, huh.”

“Why? I'm not a fool, human. Let 'em come.”

Jack snorted behind them. “Yeah. Krogan can fight his own battles.”

“Seconded,” Zaeed grunted.

Shepard rolled her eyes at them and faced Patriarch once more, frustrated since she was keeping Aria's reasons private. “Look, I'm just trying to do the right thing for you, here. Let me help.”

“Don't need _help_.” The old krogan sent her a glare of assessment, though, checking out the weapons on her back and the grumpy squad with her.

“What if _I_ shoot them for you?”

“You?”

“Yeah. Me, and these two knuckle heads if they chill out.”

Patriarch waved her off at first, but paused, considering her again. “Been a _long_ time since I've had any _krantt_ fight for me. You do that, though, and it'll make me strong again. It'll make Aria look _less_ , heh.”

But it would keep the stubborn old ass alive, and that was priority one.

And it would give him a sense of pride and dignity after being a living fucking trophy, for two.

Morally satisfied as best she could be, Shepard extended her gloved hand. “Deal.”

Patriarch laughed and shook it, nearly crushing her in his excited grip. “Good, human.”

“I didn't agree to _shit_ , Shepard,” Zaeed snarked at her, but Shepard caught the smirk teasing his good eye when he looked at her as they left.

Jack cracked her neck as they went outside the back alley of Afterlife to wait. “Know what, though? I could kill something. It's been a boring fuckin' day.”

“Sheesh, get a hobby that's not murder and pillage,” Shepard muttered, exhaled, and leaned against the wall.

They waited fifteen minutes for two krogan to come forward, clear as day with what they were set to do.

Shepard pulled her pistol out and stood firm in the middle of the hall, flanked by an eager Zaeed and a glowing Jack. “Hey, guys. I'd just stop right there.”

The two krogan glanced to one another behind their helmets. One of them snickered over his mic. “What, you puny humans gonna stop us from going in to kill the Patriarch?”

“Yeah, we puny humans are. We're his _krantt_. Patriarch's got fingers in places you don't even know, buddy,” Shepard bluffed, pulling her Commander mask out as the perfect cover of assurance.

“Didn't know that. Maybe he's getting respect again. Or maybe he's an old bastard who just needs to die for his own dignity,” the other krogan said and brought his shotgun up.

Shepard blew out a breath. “Well. Been nice. Go now or face us.”

“Hah. Bring it, _humans_.”

“Jack,” Shepard ordered, saying nothing else.

“ _Yes_ , Boss Bitch,” Jack grinned and shot out a blast of biotic shockwave, knocking the two krogan damn near off their heavy, heavy feet and definitely off balance.

Zaeed took down the right one with his assault rifle and a solid kick for a finishing headshot, the movements fluid enough to hint at  _clear_ experience.

Shepard gritted her teeth at the pointless waste of life yet again, but overwhelmed the remaining merc as he moved to stand, surprising him with an incineration tech while Jack shot another biotic move his way and tore him up.

She fired her pistol once for certainty and holstered it. “There. Done. Report and we go.”

“Now, see, if _this_ is the kind of errands you start runnin' more often, I'll be much more interested when you call my omni-tool,” Zaeed laughed, smoky and dark. “Productive and efficient. Talking does _shit_ , Commander.”

Jack nodded, foot nudging one of the dead krogan's bodies. “Right? This is _much_ more fun. Need groceries? Take the Cheerleader. Need some back up intimidation? Call me. 'Cause fuck running around like earlier, Shepard. I ain't doin' it again.”

Shepard lifted her hands up in a “why me” move that made both team mates laugh, and as they moved to go back into Afterlife to inform Patriarch of his safety and new improved reputation that would no doubt soon follow (along with a not _entirely_ happy Aria), Jack knocked an elbow into Shepard's side, smirked, and stood nearby, looking at her with a sense of humored respect.

It was nice to see after two weeks of silence and glares.

After an eye roll and a sigh of acceptance from Aria, Shepard sent Garrus a quick ping in her more visible excitement as she tailed Zaeed and Jack back to the ship.

 _Got an elbow of approval. Getting there_ , she wrote.

And, sweetly enough, he replied with, _Hopefully it won't take a kick, punch, and noogat, too. That's what that's called, right? Noogat? Nug? You know what the hell I mean._

“Noogie,” Shepard cackled, startling her squad.

“What?” Zaeed asked, frowning at her.

Jack raised a brow. “Shit, is she losing it?”

Shepard just brushed them off, laughing as she entered the docking tube.

 


	26. A Scientist, A Squad, and a Mouthy Jedore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

 

 

Garrus was fucking exhausted.

They'd been on the move since resupplying and stopping for Cerberus demands hidden in the form of Illusive Man “encouragement” to look into things like an agent missing. Then Shepard had gotten an under the table message from Hackett, asking her to still look into some N7 assignments he needed aid with despite her _delicate_ status with the Alliance. And after that, en route for this Warlord Okeer, Shepard had paused to check into some merc group activity, clearly still quietly pissed off at the Blue Suns for nearly killing him and kidnapping her.

He watched as she grew sullen in a somber way, temper snapping only on occasion about the Illusive Man. 

Garrus kept her company sometimes at night when she just wanted to relax.

He rubbed her sore feet, kissed her senseless, and just cuddled awkwardly with her on her sofas while EDI dug out some old vids at Shepard's request on the large screen behind them, the AI politely fiddling with the settings so they'd see it clearly from their spot.

He didn't bug her with questions as he watched her wind up tight each time she stepped out of her cabin with that look on her face only long winded reports and messages could inspire.

But he did keep her sparring with him, even bringing Jacob Taylor and Zaeed into it at one point for laughs.

Goto took bets with Jack behind them, throwing her credits on Jacob.

Even Joker hobbled down to watch, laughing and betting surprisingly on Garrus more than once, while Chakwas came over the comms to tell them to be careful and not end up needing patched.

Jack just grumbled in the end, mad when she was automatically disqualified since she used her biotics without thought too much to _not_ use them in a spar. She, naturally, called them all pansy coward bitches, and rightfully so—none of them were dumb enough to take her solo, glowing fists or not.

Garrus got a whooping cheer out of her, though, when he used the same move he had on Shepard with his leg spur to knock Taylor on his ass hard enough for Jacob to wheeze, too. Zaeed helped the poor bastard up as Jacob complimented Garrus on the quick thinking, and Shepard merely shook her head behind them all, amused for the first time in days.  
  
Joker had only left after slapping Garrus on the shoulder, thanking him for the seven hundred new credits to his name.

With them closing fast on Korlus for the krogan warlord, Garrus just hoped it went well, like that sparring had. That whomever she took out with her would work together and stop eyeing one another the way they had been. At least the suspicion had mostly changed to uncertainty.

Still, though, Garrus knew Shepard needed another win, another _personal_ win to feel like she was on the right track.

He was going to make sure she got it.

 

–-------------------

 

“A Blue Suns camp,” Garrus groaned, already seeing Shepard's face scrunch up in displeasure. So much for an _immediate_ win feeling.

“Yes,” Miranda confirmed over her datapad in the comm room. “Headed by some woman, Jedore. Reports indicate a narcissistic personality. Bull headed.”

“Fuck her. We're there for a krogan,” Jack muttered, whether to simply be contrary or not, Garrus didn't know. But he agreed wholeheartedly with her.

Shepard held her fist up. “Quiet. Jack, you're with me. Jacob, I want you on stand by in case we need back up with the Suns or in case they go for our shuttle, so guard it for me. Zaeed, thoughts on Jedore?”

The old merc snorted, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. “Her being a mouthy bitch is about all I remember.”

“Okay then,” Shepard sighed, rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand, and glanced around them. “Mordin, you said you're almost done with the swarm stuff?”

Mordin nodded, his dark eyes closing once. “Yes, Shepard. Creating disruption to protect squad.”

“Good. We may need it soon. All right, folks. Miranda, you hold down the ship. EDI, you back me up with layouts, info, anything I need like usual. Kasumi, if we need to smuggle this bastard off the camp, I'll let you know.”

Garrus raised a brow, hip cocked as he waited.

Shepard looked to him, her cheeks flushing a little. “And _Archangel_ will be on my six with Jack. Let's do this.”

“Please tell me we don't do a 'go team' thing now,” he teased as they all glanced around at one another, smirking at him.

“Hell no. Let's go.”

“Wait, that's not the chant, is it?” Joker asked over the speakers.

Garrus laughed and booked it for the armory, unlocking his Mantis and newer Mattock assault rifle. He was _nervous_ , but also excited to be back in the field, back on her six, and back where he felt he _should_ be on a real mission.

He met Shepard and Jack at the shuttle in the cargo bay. Garrus boarded it, and when Jack looked away to check her shotgun next to Jacob, he squeezed Shepard's fingers and quickly sat down next to her.

“Been a long time,” Garrus murmured, gazing at her through his visor to his left.

Her shining green eyes gazed back. “Feels like it, even for me. You remember my signals? I've been showing Jack.”

“I remember everything, A.”

And he meant it. He remembered the fist movements, the weird thumbs up thing she used to do sometimes, and the way her eyes would light up behind her helmet if things went well. He easily recalled her deadliness before her tactical cloak, and he wondered how she'd changed her tactics since; being drugged out on Omega didn't give him much clarity on it.

“Thanks, Garrus,” Shepard spoke quietly to him as the shuttle rocked out of the ship.

Garrus tilted his head, welcoming and sympathetic as he rubbed their armored shoulders together. “In this together,” he reminded her.

“I know. It keeps me going.”

“Good, A.”

The shuttle landing went off without a rocket or any such crap aimed their way, and Shepard frowned as she no doubt thought about it. Garrus did, too. Surely they'd get shot at, right? They had been at each encampment so far.

Yet nothing.

Not until he, Shepard, and Jack left Jacob to watch their ride out and heard the screaming human female over the intercom system of the old ironwork base.

Garrus glanced to Jack, who was already rolling her dark eyes, and he laughed. “Mouthy indeed, huh.”

“If she shuts up, I might shoot her less later.”

“Come on, eyes focused,” Shepard commanded, voice clear and eyes level as she slipped into that Commander mode of hers. “Sounds like something's wrong here.”

Garrus smiled at seeing her anew on the field as best he could with half his face bandaged, and moved behind her, drawing out his assault rifle until he could gauge what they were about to get into with the panic clearly going on about the place.

They took some stairs down, and he noted all the odd trash and broken glass and rusted material just clumped around them.

He caught the glint with his visor as Shepard went to continue on down, and he fired a round past her left shoulder, catching the Blue Suns operative on the upper walkway in the chest and breaking the man's shields.

Shepard snapped to attention and took cover, keeping Garrus to her left and Jack to her right, ordering the biotic to pull the idiots off the walkway.

Jack complied, eagerly. Perhaps too eagerly. The men screamed as they smashed hard into the walls and fell, one at least crippled and the other dead.

Garrus whistled, impressed, and fired a round in the poor bastard who was still crying out in pain. Blue turian eyes gauged Shepard as she sighed, always annoyed with stupid losses of life, and they kept on moving.

They found a few dead krogans, which was rather odd, and one “wounded” Blue Suns human operative crying, “Shit! Oh, shit!”

Garrus kept his laugh limited to his subharmonic sounds as Shepard sauntered over and bent near the idiot while he screamed he was bleeding out from barely a scratch.

“Wimp,” Jack whispered to Garrus, and he nodded readily.

 _He_ had bled out before, after all, and knew the difference scarily well.

“Come on, buddy. _Focus_. I need to know what's going on, and I need to get to Okeer,” Shepard dictated, voice sharp and doing awful, dirty things to Garrus's mind.

The human male trembled and asked for medigel, and Shepard looked like she wanted to punch the stuff through his face as she turned a sample over to calm him down.

“Okay...okay. Jedore ordered us to flush that krogan's experiment tanks. They were using the 'bad' krogan from the experiments as practice for us, but it's gotten stupid, and Okeer and Jedore are fighting now. We're supposed to kill the fucking things, but they _fight back_ , crazy or not, and I am _not_ paid enough for this shit,” he griped, sweating, still holding a ridiculous limp in his side.

Shepard hummed and raised a darker red brow as she glanced to Garrus, who shrugged. Just sounded like more work to him.

The merc's radio kicked on, and she sighed. “Get rid of them, and you can go heal that, uh, wound of yours more.”

“Fine,” the Blue Suns human said and distracted the guards radioing in for updates.

Garrus chuckled when they left him behind. “We come to pick up a scientist, and everything goes sideways. When is it _ever_ simple, Shepard?”

“Never any time I wish it would be, it seems.”

Her cloak flickered over her as they caught up to one of the apparent experimental krogan shooting at some Blue Suns. Shepard must have decided to ally with the big brute over entering a three-way fight, and Garrus aimed for the ramparts here, taking down one Blue Sun as Jack threw a shockwave that tossed the idiots into the air for Shepard to finish off.

Thankfully the krogan, talking weird and claiming he was only seven days old yet full-sized, decided to help them for their aid, and he lifted some major metal out of the way for them to continue forward.

There was a strange longing in Shepard's eyes as they left him behind to wander aimlessly for more Blue Suns, doing as he was programmed to do as an “experimental failure.”

“He's not a puppy, A.”

“So.”

“This is gonna be a long day,” Garrus teased.

He wasn't wrong.

Nearly four bizarre, falling apart and rusted rooms of mixed weird krogan and Blue Suns later, he couldn't count the amount of bullets he'd fired, the times he'd had to throw concussive shots out to spare Jack when the biotic got too in the middle of a scrap, or the overloading techs he timed with Shepard's incinerations to really make some people have a _bad_ day.  
  
It was...thrilling, almost intoxicating, in a way. He moved as directed, he sniped when he felt it was safer to do so, and he laughed his ass off watching a merc bitch with a rocket launcher go sailing away thanks to a flung biotic from Jack hitting the woman at the same time his concussive round had.

Shepard, tense still with the mission itself going so wonky from the get-go, at least seemed to get calmer and more like how she and Williams had been with him on Therum so long ago—complimenting his shots and taking calculated risks with her cloak and own sniper rifle as she and Garrus took control of the playing field with Jack let loose in the middle to cause controlled chaos.

Spirits, the things this woman made him _feel_.

They ran up some stairs past equipment, and he sent her a low teasing growl of approval when she winked over her shoulder at him.

Just before they got to Okeer, they found a room with a single asari both Shepard and Garrus immediately recognized from Virmire.

“What the actual fuck?” Shepard asked when the asari, Rana, instantly begged to be let go _again_ in a place of scientific trouble. “What are you _doing_ here?”

“I was trying to help Okeer. He's brilliant, if a bit barbaric. I made the imprints for the tanks,” Rana admitted and splayed her hands openly in surrender; Jack cocked her shotgun, not trusting her at all. “Seriously, I'm quitting this shit for good.”

Something about it felt off to Garrus.

He remembered well watching Benezia collapse and try to break indoctrination, and he knew this asari had been close to the same stuff, to Saren while working for the stupid traitor. He'd thought a lot about what the Matriarch had said to he and Liara on Noveria, and his blue eyes watched the panic in Rana's gaze, his visor registering her accelerating heart beat, yet strange pulse reading. It was like she was both anxious, yet quite the opposite.

“Shepard,” Garrus warned, feeling like he should. “I don't like this. Regardless of her stupid choices, I don't like this.”

Even his girlfriend felt something similar, if that narrowing of her eyes meant anything correct in his guess. “Rana, this _is_ suspicious.”

“Could be indoctrinated,” he said, watching as the asari's eyes did something very weird. He knew Shepard didn't like to waste life unnecessarily, but sometimes _preventative_ measures were better than a second strike.

“I—I'm not! I swear.”

“You're a bit jumpy for that response,” Shepard replied, tapping her boot. They didn't have much time with the shit Jedore was still screaming over the comms around them. “You making _imprint_ stuff seems...strange, too. It's kind of...you know. Not looking too good.”

“Then either let me go or shoot me,” Rana sniped, dropping her hands.

Shepard closed her eyes. Garrus tapped her shoulder, waiting for her order. And there, in her mixed gaze, he somehow managed to understand what she wanted.

She didn't say a word. She walked out, Jack raising a brow as she followed Garrus behind Shepard. He felt the tightness in his jaw, the ache in his healing mandible from it as he hoped that leaving her _again_ wouldn't be a mistake.

“Okeer?” Shepard asked as they finally entered what appeared to be the lab itself, a single krogan standing near a still intact tank.

The dark green plated krogan nodded. “I know who you are. I know why you're here. We don't have much time, human. Jedore is sabotaging everything, all of my _work_ , and I must protect _this_ soldier. It is _perfection_.”

Garrus walked past Shepard to look inside the tank, brows rising. The krogan inside was massive for something more or less young adult in size without the big crest on his head yet. The scaling was silver to dark orange skin, and the icy eyes were creepily open, as if watching them through the liquid inside.

It looked like a perfect murder machine, all right, already equipped with armor.

“I'll shut her down instead. Do what you have to, Okeer. We'll be back,” Shepard said and ran for the other end of the room, swiping her omni-tool past a computer that had what appeared to be krogan intel and modifications on it.

EDI chimed in like usual, warning them about Jedore's soon attempt to release a toxic gas into the lab upon Okeer. They needed to be quick, she said, and deal with the giant mech, krogan soldiers, Blue Suns, and Jedore herself in less than four minutes.

“She's fucking kidding, right?” Garrus asked, bewildered, as they slid to safety behind old krogan tank pods with the big mech stomping closer as Jedore screamed at them personally, now.

Shepard switched a clip out of her pistol. “I'm going to pick targets and cloak. I'll take out the rocket toting asshole over to the left, and his buddy, too, if I'm quick enough. Garrus, just keep that mech distracted off of me. Jack, if you can referee any krogan with biotics, that'd be fantastic.”

“You got it,” Jack grinned, slapping the side of the pod she stood behind. “This is gonna be _fun_.”

Garrus stared his girlfriend down for a single intense moment, whispered for her to be careful, and watched her disappear in front of him. He shifted, looked around the pod, and shot an overload against the mech's shielding, getting its attention right away.

Jack whistled and shot at a krogan coming up the ramp near him, shouting, “Hey, tough guy! Over _here,_ ” while Garrus shot the hell out of the mech, recoiling when its gun sounded off with heavy fire against the pod and praying it wouldn't shoot _through it_  into him.

He watched, almost laughing, as the baited krogan charged right past himself at the biotic who kept knocking it off its feet, shooting it, and finally slammed the poor bastard so hard against one of the pods that his crown cracked open.

Garrus fired some more at the mech as it started to round toward the ramp, shooting from the opposite side to make it think he'd moved. The trick worked; the machine stomped back to the left as he overloaded it again, made it seize up momentarily, and tore into it, firing until he had to empty a glowing hot clip to the floor.

Jack finished off another krogan that almost ran for him as he ducked a rocket blast, almost shaking with how close the miss was before the damn thing exploded.

Shepard flickered back into being next to him as they gathered their breath.

EDI's voice echoed across all three of their comms so close, overlapping with weird feedback as she said, “Time's up, Commander. The gas was released and is permeating the lab.”

Shepard shouted, kicked the pod she stood behind, and yelled, “Jedore, I'm going to beat the _hell_ out of you, you idiot!”

“You may have killed my men, you crazy bitch, but I killed Okeer's stupid toys _and Okeer_. Enjoy the dead krogan upstairs, you assholes!” Jedore shouted back from across the room.

Garrus reloaded and shook his head. “You realize now, genius, that it's just _you_ and the three of us?”

“I'll kill _all_ of you!”

“Let me have her,” Jack begged with excited, crazy eyes. “Icing on the cake.”

“She's mine,” Shepard snapped. “You two get back upstairs. EDI, can we get these vents off for them to enter and see if Okeer survived?”

“I'll do my best, Commander!” the AI called back clearly.

Garrus squeezed Shepard's nearby free fingers once and ran for the stairs, leaping away from a shot aimed horribly past his shoulder.

Jack ran up after him, panting in disappointment. “She'll make it a quick kill. Shepard's too goody-goody.”

Several shots later, while they waited for EDI to piggyback off Garrus's omni-tool with the systems nearby, Shepard appeared nearby on the stairs with her cloak off.

Garrus blinked, shocked at the blood across her _face_. “Spirits. What happened? Tell me that's not _your_ blood.”

“She tried to pull a fast one after I got her in the leg. I shot her in the face at short range after I disabled her pistol arm.”

Jack clapped as the door opened over EDI's announcement that they could enter now.

Shepard bent over Okeer's body, confirming his death with a tiredness in her voice that made Garrus sigh.

He glanced over and caught those icy, creepy eyes still watching in the spared tank. Garrus walked to its interface and peered through some of Okeer's notes, kicking off an audio message from the dead scientist himself urging them to take this soldier, if not for their needs then for his own legacy's safety.

“Whatcha think, A.?” he asked, staring over the krogan in the pod.

“Dunno if it'll be as friendly as the one we met at first. The rest tried to shoot us.”

“True.”

“He's already in armor. I say take him. Can use a krogan,” Jack offered, arms crossing with her gun back on her hip.

Shepard tapped the tank glass, and the krogan inside blinked, but didn't react any other way. “Hey, you. You're coming with us. We'll get you out of there.”

“Shepard, I hope this thing doesn't kill us all.”

“Chill, Garrus. It's on me to open it or not. He's sustainable in there, right?”

Garrus pointed at the console. “Yeah. For a _while_.”

“Then I can think about it with him safely aboard,” Shepard decided. “And if he's _not so nice_ , I'll put him back in there. Some-fucking-how.”

Garrus smirked while she radioed Jacob for backup to transport the giant tank, all of them hoping the stupid thing wouldn't be too heavy for their shuttle to even lift off with the rest of them inside, too.

 

 


	27. Have Faith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

 

Miranda wasn't happy.

The Illusive Man was skeptical.

EDI was paranoid.

Chakwas rolled her eyes. Humorous, but ineffective.

But Joker thought it was _cool_ that they had a tank krogan on board, just like _she thought_. So long as it didn't burst out and murder everyone, of course.

It was this last opinion that pushed Shepard forward and made her more determined to get the krogan out. But first she wanted some _informed_ opinions on what the hell she was getting into. After all, some of the released krogan at the Blue Suns' camp shot at _her_ , too, and only one of them had been friendly.

So she had Mordin come examine the tank, chattering away with EDI over the mic while Garrus shook his head and walked from the room, telling her to please not _die_ , as he had plans with her _later_ , should she not.

Shepard had stuck her tongue out at her turian boyfriend, grinning, as the tall bastard sauntered back toward the elevator with a smirk.

Mordin handed her a datapad of notes when he finished, finding her chomping down some serious dinner in the mess. Shepard looked gleefully over everything while Mordin sat to eat, too, explaining half of it over her silent reading with his choppy sentences. Ironically, Mordin didn't _write_ the way he spoke. Not often. The notes were quite thoughtful, and it made her want to laugh, imagining the salarian passing out information to an imaginary college class and then speaking so differently at the same time.

The krogan was a young adult in age, a superb genetic specimen with hyper regeneration rates, extra pounds of muscle at his age, and a touch more virility with the hope of possible breeding, no doubt a fail safe from Okeer. It was hopefully more intelligent than the rest that had been dumped, and Mordin seemed to think so from fiddling with the tank itself and looking at import histories.

Nonetheless, EDI still panicked a bit in her AI way as Shepard decided to think on it over night, just to be safe.

“You must be careful, Commander. I am not sure you could reset the tank when its fluid is lost, and it is likely the specimen will be highly _dangerous_ right out of release,” EDI spoke above her bed as Shepard drew that night after messaging her mom, telling her she wanted a vid-call appointment to tell her some _big_ personal news.

“I know, EDI. S'why I have you. You can alert others. I have faith in you,” Shepard replied, shading some random bits on the newest sketch she'd started of Mordin.

EDI went quiet a moment, then said, “I appreciate the faith in me, Commander, but the response time of any individual not immediately with you is still too high a risk by calculation.”

“That's why I _also_ have a pistol, EDI.”

“Oh.”

“Yep. Zaeed's down the hall, and he'll come running first. Then whomever you ping next.” Shepard grinned as she shaded in Mordin's big eyes. “So have some faith in me, too, hm?”

Silence. Then, a soft, “I will, Commander.”

“Atta girl,” she smiled, glancing toward where EDI's holo form sat by the door, watching her like a little sentinel before disappearing.

Shepard had almost finished the sketch when Garrus came up to the cabin; she had EDI unlock the door since she didn't want to lose the focus she had, and Garrus snickered as he stepped inside and then down toward her.

“Busy, mm? Who is it this time?”

“Mordin. Hang on...now, okay. Look. What do you think?” she asked as she flipped the pad around for Garrus to see her drawing.

Garrus started laughing instantly.

Shepard stretched out above her covers in her sweats and kicked at his thigh, knocking him back a bit. “Hey, it's good.”

“Yeah, but...but...he's _smiling_. Even with his lips shut, it's so weird.”

“Garrus, it's real.”

“No way. He's not smiled, has he? He's so...you know. Life saving, then life taking,” Garrus chortled and bent to sit at her feet. When she rolled her eyes, he gaped as much as his bandage let him. “Seriously, A.? You've seen it?”

“Duh. I talk to him more than you. Did you know he sings?”

“Shut. Up.”

“Yeah.”

“How bad?”

“It's...actually not awful. Kinda sweet.”

Garrus threw an arm around his middle, laughing away. “Wow, babe. You're either really kind, have a really bad ear, or really evil. I've never heard salarians sing well ever.”

“Well, he can. Ask him sometime.”

“We'll see,” Garrus grunted.

Shepard took the pad back from him and sat it near her holo-clock, pencil and eraser sitting there, too. She yawned and stretched her arms tiredly, still a bit achy after kicking Jedore's ass today.

Garrus noticed and sat closer, rubbing his brow to hers and holding her fingers in both hands. “I don't think we did too bad, considering how long it's been.”

“Nah. Jedore was a total bitch, though,” she sighed and kissed the warm plating around Garrus's crown. “I got her. I got her good.”

“So you said. How lucky were you, babe? Did she seriously almost hurt you?”

Shepard blinked, remembered the bullet that almost went through _her_ skull before she'd jerked and blocked Jedore's pistol arm, and swallowed. “Um. No?”

“Now, now. Lying to me is new,” Garrus said, sexy eyes narrowing. “Tell me.”

“Fine. Yeah, I had a narrow miss. I got too...too emotional.”

“Really? She inconvenienced the fuck out of us, but...it's not like you to let things get personal like that,” he murmured, sounding quite worried.

Shepard closed her eyes, feeling him press his own soft, unique turian kisses to her cheek before he rubbed his mandible into her. That action, that special meaning to it, easily broke her.

She reached and wrapped her arms around his neck, holding tightly to his chest as she shook for a little while. And Garrus just sat there, not speaking, but humming an odd frequency of vibration that kept her calmer as his tongue came out to lick under her jaw once or twice.

“Baby? Talk to me. What's wrong?”

Red growing hair brushed her shoulders as she rubbed her brow to the good side of his face, just so fucking _happy_ that he was there—real, physical, and in this fucking bizarre almost dream of a life she was living now. “I...I just...I guess...I don't know, hon. I just feel so _angry_ all the time now. So _lost_. I hate it. I don't feel like _me_ with all this resurrection crap. I don't know how to _handle_ it. So I don't think about it, and I try to ignore my nightmares of death.”

Garrus groaned in her ear, understanding and sympathizing. Carefully he lifted her over into his lap and held around her, rocking slightly. “I can't even imagine, Athena. I _can't_. It _breaks_ me that you're going through this, and I can only hope I do something to help you. I don't know how, and I don't know what to always say, but I'll try. I'll always try for you.”

“I know, big guy,” she replied, sniffing a little and blinking her eyes. Shepard settled her face against his throat, feeling his mandible dig a bit into her hair as she shifted closer. “You help, Garrus. You being _alive_ and here helps more than I can explain.”

“Good. Spirits, I'm glad something does.”

“I promise it does.”

“I worry about you. All the time. I worry you'll close off or have some sort of attack, I don't know. I worry about this constant stress. I _hate_ when you have to deal with reports. And if I could, I'd punch half the crew on this ship for annoying you or making you look so fucking tired.”

“You're so sweet.”

“Glad you think so.”

Shepard laughed a little and kissed along his throat. A deep rumble, almost a purring noise, strummed up Garrus's throat at the action, and she repeated the kiss a few times, enjoying the sound as it kept up.

Garrus adjusted her enough to lift her chin with a large turian finger, and Shepard stared into those icy eyes, those Vakarian eyes she fell in love with long ago and saw in her moments of death with longing.

She leaned forward, eyes closed with bitter tears, and held his face gently, lips settling over his different mouth and pressing hotly.

Garrus moaned beneath her, softer strange sounds accompanying it slightly in her hearing. His big hands adjusted for her to straddle him, and he held onto her hips, sliding his talons down her ass some and gripping there.

Shepard kissed him for a while, pouring everything she had into it—all the stress he said, all the pain and the fear of this mission, all the unknown that smothered her nightly alongside her memories of her own death.

Her tongue touched his strange long, thinner one, coaxing against it with broad swipes that had Garrus melting in her arms as she was his.

And later, when they parted with him kissing over her face and vibrating against her with his subharmonic sound, Shepard cried a little in his hold, let him rock her until she started to fall asleep, and then felt him kiss her once goodnight before tucking her in and leaving the cabin quietly.

The last thing Shepard heard was EDI say, “I'll keep watch, Officer Vakarian, over her. I'll help protect her, shield her how I can. Have faith in me, please, to help.”

Shepard fell asleep, smiling, and didn't have a nightmare for the first night since she'd stepped foot onto the ship.  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 


	28. Smells Like Teen Krogan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

 

 

After some seriously needed restful sleep, Shepard made her decision in the shower the next morning at wake up call, green eyes fierce in the water she smacked the button that turned off the drip.

She cleaned up, dressed, and took the elevator straight down, not even bothering to wait for after breakfast. Less distractions, the better. Less opportunities to talk herself out of it, even more so.

Shepard's steps were solid, echoing slightly as she strode to Zaeed's door first and rapped until it opened and the old merc gave her a once over.

“Yeah, Shepard?” he asked gruffly, like a man in desperate need of a morning smoke.

“I want you to stand outside that door down there with a gun. You hear me shout for you, you come inside. You don't move for anything else but your name. Clear?”

“You're mad. But yeah, it's clear.”

Shepard nodded in relief and left him to prepare, walking down into the other bay and steeling her nerves with each step she took. EDI's voice came over the comm, asking her one last time if she was absolutely sure about this.

She didn't reply. Shepard just went for the tank and stared up at that big face looking at her in its probable dream-like state, the icy eyes so primal looking in that second.

“You be fucking good. Don't make me hurt you. I swear, I will, if I have to do so,” she warned the krogan with a stern look and a tap to the glass. “I know you're a big guy, but you're not fully grown, so you'd better listen to me. I don't need your teen angst in the middle of everything else. I can't even imagine what _krogan_ teen angst looks like.”

When the specimen didn't reply, of course, Shepard sighed and looked to the paneling. She unlocked the menu with a swipe and EDI's help, then followed the AI's almost grudging directions on the steps to process the flushing and opening of the tank.

Shepard kept her pistol perfectly at the middle of her back in her belt, hands at her waist to indicate non-threatening status as the fluid inside slowly drained down. The tank's glass shifted itself with a mechanical movement in the back as it slide upward and forward, and the krogan fell to his knees, hands splayed out to catch himself while he coughed up more of the fluid onto the floor.

She could almost _feel_ EDI's silent panic in the room as she felt her own when he carefully pushed to his feet and looked her down, making her feel something akin to what her ancient ancestors must have felt when they were spotted by a predator.

“Fuck,” she barely got out as he tackled her, arm under her throat slamming her against the wall.

Well, she tried, didn't she?

Garrus was going to be so _pissed_.

Before even EDI could shout and call for help noticeably, the krogan spoke with his gravelly tone in Shepard's watchful face. “Name.”

“What?” she asked. It was then Shepard realized she _could_ breathe. Even pushing her against the wall as he was, using his big forearm as he was, he wasn't choking her dangerously. Holy shit. “I'm...I'm Commander Shepard.”

“Not you, human. Me. Mine.”

“Your name? You don't have one? What about something, you know, krogan? Okeer, even?”

The krogan huffed at her, glanced around in thought, and then muttered a few terms under his breath, stopping at the word grunt. “Grunt. It is the last I heard. Has no meaning. It'll do. I'm Grunt, human. Now give me a reason not to destroy you.”

Shepard smiled. Why, she didn't know. But she did, almost ready to laugh, the image of a whiny teen krogan entering her mind so fast she almost couldn't process it against the tightening of his arm in warning. “Hey, calm down. Now. And you don't wanna do that.”

“And why is that?” he asked arrogantly with a sneer only Wrex could truly pull off.

“'Cause this is my ship. I run it, and people obey my orders. You won't make it out. And besides that, it's stupid. I got you out to ask for your help, and that's what Okeer wanted.”

Grunt growled at her, a dangerous low rumble. “I don't care about that pathetic krogan. I am stronger, better. And I can take this ship if I want to. I have no reason to help you.”

She smirked, white teeth reflecting the light as she lightly pressed her pistol to the side of his chest. Shepard watched, humored, as the young krogan glanced down once, then back to her green eyes.

He, too, looked amused. “Ask and offer with one hand while arming the other, mm, human?”

“I learned that a long time ago. Not a fan, but if it's a must, it's a must.”

To her pleasant surprise and rewarded faith, Grunt let go of her and stepped back. Shepard slid down to her feet, swallowing and rubbing her agitated throat from the metal of his heavy arm.

“I've been told to kill. I've been told how. Give me a reason to do it for you, human.”

“It's _Shepard_ , bud.”

Grunt's lip twitched, but he growled anyway. “Give me a _reason_ , Shepard.”

Shepard put her pistol away, noting him watching her do so. “Because I hate bugs.”

The krogan stared at her for a long minute, as if wondering if she'd lost her fucking mind, but he muttered, “Rachni are bugs. Good enemy. But rachni aren't around anymore.”

Shepard shook her head and explained, “My bugs are big, too. They even fly. And shoot guns and all kinds of horrible shit, I'm sure. I've only seen vids of them. Collectors.”

“Ah. Collectors. There's something hazy from the imprint about them,” the youth grumbled, rubbing at his crown. “You fight them?”

“I'm probably gonna, yeah.”

“And you...fight them because you hate bugs.”

“No, damn it, I'm gonna fight them because they're abducting human colonies and probably will other species next. I'm gonna fight them because they're probably tied to the Reapers. I will _enjoy_ fighting them because they're fucking bugs, once I get past the goddamn noises they make.”

Grunt shifted, paced slightly while eyeing her suspiciously. “It is a strong enemy, I'll give you that, Shepard.”

Aha. Her card. Shepard nodded once and shrugged, palm out slightly. “That's _why_ I'd like a strong krogan to be on my team. You know, the best. The strongest. The deadliest.”

He paused in his steps and sneered. “Nice try.”

“Hey, if it works.”

“You're fucking weird,” Grunt observed, gazing at her from head-to-toe.

Honestly, it was one of the nicer things she'd been called even since before dying and coming back. Shepard brushed her growing red hair back from her face, tucked some behind her left ear so it lay over her collar, and she pinched her lips in a yeah, so what look. “You gonna help me or not?”

“You really gonna put me back in there if I don't?” Grunt asked suddenly.

Shepard blinked. “What?”

Grunt rumbled another variety of growling sound at her and jerked his massive head at the tank. “Heard that phrase. Put me back in the tank.”

Heat flashed through her cheeks quickly before it vanished by force. “Uh. Maybe. If you're not good and behaved no matter your decision. You seriously want out, fine, I'll throw you off here and best of luck to you. But I think you're better off sticking with me. You'll get fed, armored, with free room and board, and I'll even get you any gun you want, so long as you _know_ where the hell to aim it always.”

Grunt stared her down for a few heated moments, then sighed out a clear sound of annoyed acceptance. “Fine. For now. You get weak, your _enemy_ gets too weak to fight, and I'll change my mind, Shepard.”

“Fair enough, bud.” She motioned for the door next to her, and he watched her, frowning. “C'mon. It's breakfast time. I'm starving, and Garrus is going to shit when I bring you to the mess.”

“Garrus?”

“Turian on board.”

“Lots of imprints of them. I know the best ways to rip the skull plates off.”

“Do it to him, and I rip yours off. I've killed krogan solo, _young man_ ,” Shepard growled this time, getting a surprised look from Grunt. “Yeah. Witnesses and all. So behave, and come on.”

Grunt shook his head and followed her out toward the elevator, past a smirking Zaeed. They all hobbled into the elevator together. Grunt took up most of the space with his large body. Shepard tried to shift slightly toward the key pad and bumped Zaeed. Zaeed tried to move more to the left, as a result.

It was awkward. But not as awkward as the second Zaeed squeezed out of the elevator, leaving Shepard and Grunt still inside to exit for the mess.

She stopped when she felt him sniff the air heavily near her.

And then her entire face went as red as her hair when he muttered, quietly, “You _smell_ like turian.”

“You know, close quarters,” Shepard tossed out, sighing in relief as she practically skipped around the divider that separated the mess from the little hallway.

“Yeah, yeah,” Grunt grumbled behind her.

She stopped, felt him stop behind her with his heavy thunk of his steps, and met everyone's stares at the pair of them together. Shepard coughed and assumed a position of authority, snapping half of the Cerberus staff into a position of attention without even noticing.

“All right. This is Grunt. He's gonna shoot Collectors. Everyone play nice.”

“Commander, we sure we can trust him?” Jacob asked from where he stood near Gardner's position with the stove going high.

Shepard glanced once over her shoulder; she took in the annoyance and frustration in Grunt's face as he gazed over everyone with his own distaste, and she turned back to Jacob with a shrug. “I think so. Could have charged us all by now, but I think he's hungry. And I'm starving. So let's grab some chow.”

And just like that, the mess hall softened from its air of prepared action into one of smirking unison.

Garrus came out of the battery right as Shepard moved to sit next to Grunt, totally ready to drill him with questions about that tank and the imprints, and Garrus froze halfway down the aisle to the mess from the battery, staring at her.

He blinked once.

Shepard just grinned and laughed under her breath as he slowly shook his head at her, tossed her a flirtatious turian look she'd come to know quite well, and got in his own very short, very unique line for chow.

 

 

 


	29. His Nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Garrus has serious issues with Shepard's death.  
> That tube walk in ME3 creates an event coming later as a result, naturally.  
> But for now, it's simply something he just wants to process and get the hell past.
> 
> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

He moved agonizingly slow as the ship came apart around him, exploding into space itself. Deep dragging breaths heaved from him in his helmet, his hands reaching as he lost his footing and she just kept spinning away out of his grasp, floating farther as the breaking ship spun her again.

“No, no, _no_!” he cried out in his comm, unable to move anymore through the vacuum of space as he watched her get farther and farther away from him. Garrus snapped inside, screaming her name as he felt fire rake up his throat. Horror claimed him, loss ate him alive, and he wanted to die.

Seconds of the agony slowly moved through time until he snapped together and made the realization he needed. “Wake up,” he demanded his dream self. “Wake _up_!”

When nothing changed Garrus used all the force he could muster in the nightmare to jerk himself to the side, hoping the physical sensation would kick him out. It worked, a little too well. Instantly Garrus rolled from his sleeping cot to the floor a couple feet below him, smacking his side and exclaiming in pain from it. But he didn't care, not really. He was awake. Out of that fucking nightmare. Garrus's breathing was erratic, his heart rate climbing into dangerous territory as he blinked and saw her floating away again.

The keen tore from him before he could stop it. A few more followed, but he was able to quiet them some, able to exert some form of control over the volatile emotions the imagery never failed to create in him. Garrus shuddered as he tried to calm his breathing and racing heart.

Logic would help, he figured, so he ticked off things he knew to be true. One, he was on the new ship. Two, she was alive and above him. Three, they were together. Rinse and repeat. Garrus whispered the phrases over and over in a new ritual he was coming to hate as it was needed often.

With a glance at his omni-tool, he found the time to be late into the night cycle, but perhaps she'd be awake. As much as he hated the idea of waking her, Garrus _had_ to hear her voice right now. It was all he could do to stop himself from marching to the elevator and holding her for an hour. Slowly he navigated the menus on his omni-tool and sent a ping to hers, then dropped his head back to the side on the floor as he waited, uncertain if he'd get a response for a while. Obviously he wasn't going back to bed tonight, or the likelihood was very slim.

Seconds later she pinged back. Garrus sighed loudly in relief, eyes blinking heavily at her small text asking if he was all right. _Call?_ he sent in reply. A moment later his tool blinked and buzzed with her response. Garrus answered the connection, voice hoarse. “Athena.”

“What's wrong, honey?” she quietly, but worriedly, asked him.

Garrus sighed, focusing on taking his breaths long and slow. “N-Nightmare,” he answered tiredly. “Fucking n-nightmare.”

Shepard's voice soothed him as she said, “Shh, hon. It's all right. It's not real. I'm upstairs.”

“I know. I tell myself that like one of your human mantra things,” he explained with a tight swallow. “I just...I just needed to hear you, babe. I needed to hear you after that.”

“What happened in it, Garrus?”

“I...don't want to talk about it.”

“I got spaced again, huh.”

Garrus growled a little. “Yes, and I watched it, like I have in other versions of the dream.”

“Shit, Garrus. I'm so sorry. But it's okay. You're still scared, so they may bother you for a while yet. I wish they wouldn't.”

“Shepard, I go to sleep every night with a prayer that I'm not dreaming during the day,” he whispered, unable to fight the soft keen that tore from him.

“You're safe. I'm safe. I promise, big guy. I'm here.”

“You used to talk to me like this in my dreams, A. Sometimes it's...hard. I need to hear you in moments like this, but then I worry I'm still dreaming.” Garrus grunted as he rubbed his sore head and side with his free hand. “Pain's telling me I'm awake for now.”

“Pain?” she asked, immediately concerned.

“Yeah, babe. I couldn't wake up, so I guess I rolled out of the cot in my sleep while trying. Fell, smacked my head and my side. I'll be fine, just sore.”

Shepard gave a soft little noise. “Honey, go see Doc if you need anything. Please.”

“It's okay.” Garrus sighed as his breathing finally reigned in. “I have what I need. You.”

“All right, Garrus.”

He grumbled in guilt. “Sorry I woke you up, A.”

“Don't be. Ever.”

“Okay.”

“Garrus?”

“Yeah?”

“I'm still having nightmares, too,” she quietly said. “Of that moment. Of your near death.”

“Why don't you ping me, babe?” Garrus asked, concerned. “That's something I want to help with.”

Shepard sighed over the connection. “I know. I will from now on if it's bad.”

“Promise me.”

“I promise, hon.”

“Good. Spirits, babe, I hope we get some dreamless sleep for both our sakes.”

Shepard went silent for a moment, causing him worry, then laughed a little. “Mm. I love when you talk to me like this.”

“Like what?”

“Like we're dating.”

“Well we are, last I knew,” he teased and rose up to resettle on his cot, blue eyes on the dark ceiling with only the reddish glow from some of the holo-panels of his omni-tool to give him light.

Shepard snorted. “You know what I mean. I like this, being able to talk this way—hear you call me babe and stuff. It's cool, isn't it.”

“Yeah, it is.” Garrus let his tongue run against his teeth in thought. “Remember our one talk in the battery? About other dreams?”

“Oh, that you have some involving a certain human female?”

“And you a turian, blue eyes of course.”

“Of course.”

“Tell me about some, A.”

Shepard squeaked a little as she probably stretched, at least that's what he guessed the muffled other sounds were. “Mm. They might involve kisses.”

“Ooh,” he whispered excitedly. “What else?”

“My favorite one involves you shirtless.”

Garrus rumbled in appreciation of her breathy tone. He felt her voice seep into him, playing with his nerves until he was growing aroused. “What about...you?”

“Me? Hm. Sometimes _I'm_ shirtless, too. We're on one of the couches, rolling on it to the floor.”

“Mm,” Garrus hummed and felt himself slip from the pelvic slit that normally hid him. “Sounds hot, babe.”

“Oh, it is. Tell me one of yours.”

Garrus released a breath as he hummed again. “My favorite one...involves pinning you to the side of the main guns. I bite your neck some, hold your waist in my hands. Listen to your sounds.”

“Garrus,” Shepard moaned a little.

“Yeah, babe?” he asked, now a bit breathy himself as he slid farther out while he relived that sexy dream some.

“I want you.”

“I want you, too, A. Spirits, I want you.”

Shepard moaned with some impatience, and the sound deliciously wove its way around his spine, making him throb all the way down. “Damn it, I'm all...bothered, now.”

“You're telling me,” Garrus teased softly.

“Are you...?” she trailed off, obviously awkward with what she wanted to know. To be fair they hadn't much talked about this part of their relationship so much as the emotional stuff, considering all that had happened and their mutual curiosity about one another physically.

“Yeah,” he murmured. Garrus swallowed and went for it, whispering the words to see how she'd respond. “I'm...um. Well, we say we're retracted normally, and...um. I'm...not?”

Her gasp was a surprise, not because she was shocked but because it was such a sexual sound that he had not expected her to give. Instantly he slid out fully, throbbing and needing. “Garrus,” Shepard groaned. “Remind me why we wanna wait.”

“Because we're afraid to rush that stuff with it being so new.”

“Ugh. You could be up here _right now_.”

“I know. Trust me, I feel the frustration pretty intensely.”

“Garrus...you could be doing things to me, right _now_.”

Garrus groaned low and long as he imagined it, thrusting his hips a little in the night. “Fuck, babe. Keep talking like that, and I might be.”

“I wish, Garrus. You think we're only this forward right now because we're both sleep deprived and constantly fighting horny hormones that get denied?” she joked, trying to ease the tension a bit.

Garrus chuckled. “Maybe a little. I like it, though. Probably a bit easier over voice like this, too.”

“Imaginations are our best tools.”

“Oh yeah.”

“Well, hon, I hope you have _better_ dreams now. I know I will,” Shepard said, a laugh in her tone.

He smirked at the ceiling. “I plan on it, Shepard. See where that gun barrel fantasy takes me, maybe.”

“Take notes. I wanna know.”

“Shit,” he snorted. “Thanks, A. For calling me.”

“Any time, big guy. You're my world. My galaxy.”

Garrus closed his eyes, feeling peace roll through him at the soft reassurance. “Same, Athena. Always. Lucky to have you, and I'll never take you for granted.”

“I know. Get some rest, Garrus. If you're embarrassed in the morning, I'll know you had the dream.”

“Oh hah,” he snickered. “Sleep well, babe.”

“With you in my head, I should.”

Garrus smiled as she clicked the call off and the room went silent once more, the light of his omni-tool flickering out. He sighed and managed to roll on his other side toward the wall, pulling his blanket over him and closing his eyes, drifting gently with the image of him pressing her to the guns in his mind, that gasp of hers he'd just heard echoing in his sleep.

  
  


 


	30. Horizon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.
> 
> Sorry for slow uploads right now. I've been working on a bunch of new HP stuff, so older fics haven't been in front of me as much.  
> Will upload edits more frequently.

 

  


Not a day later Shepard was forced into another meeting with the Illusive Man, but for the first time since these conferences had started, Shepard believed it finally worth the time and frustration. Horizon, he'd called the colony they were rapidly approaching to aid. Horizon was loaded with a human settlement and Alliance presence, and its communications had just suddenly gone dark. _Exactly_ like Freedom's Progress and each previous colony hit with the abductions.

Panicked by the fear of not making it in time, Shepard pushed EDI and Joker harder than ever until they were close enough to orbit.

One quick call of every team member aboard had the game plan going: Mordin's new anti-swarm tech was getting implemented across all of them for safety, regardless of who went down to the colony. Shepard debated with Miranda, and despite Jack's anger, decided to take the both of them down for heavy biotic backup.

And, just as she went to dismiss everyone, her eyes caught the turian blues.

“You, too,” Shepard called, exhaling at his understanding nod.

While she armored up and checked guns, Shepard did a mental version of her old turian calming technique—inhale, close her eyes, imagine the stretch as she counted to ten, then exhale. It worked as it always had, settling her nervousness about the poor colonists as well as the lives of Alliance below most likely trying to protect said colonists.

She just hoped that they'd understand her presence didn't mean _Cerberus_ was the one doing the abductions, and she _really_ didn't want to have to shoot any of them to protect her squad.

Shepard tucked her hair behind her ears and stepped inside the shuttle. Jack was sitting silently to her left, looking out the opposite window while Miranda sat to her right, eyes shut with clear frustration on her face.

“All I care about is stopping the Collectors. We stop them however we can, and if it's that necessary you can resume petty fights afterward,” Shepard ordered softly, one hand against the ceiling.

Both women nodded, but neither looked at her.

Relieved, Shepard sat near the door, and when Garrus hopped on not a minute later, he sat next to her, visor glinting and pretty eyes taking her in with slight worry at the tension still clearly felt around them.

“Commander, we've got readings. Collectors present. They may be mid-operation as you land,” EDI alerted them across the comms as the shuttle headed planet side.

Shepard took a deep breath, aware of the three sets of eyes on her now. “Got it, EDI.”

She didn't know what to expect when they landed and stepped out into the light.

Guns up, eyes scanning, Mordin in her ear rambling about _hoping_ the tech he added would work with the size of the swarms already buzzing nearby, Shepard gritted her teeth and pushed forward, moving around some outdoor furniture and machines until the sound hit her ears.

It was a strange sound. A talking sound. A _bug_ sound.

The shudder went down her spine as Garrus murmured, “Just big bugs. Remember?”

Shepard shook off the feelings as she recalled shooting the hell out of the rachni on Noveria with Garrus at her side in her shock then, and she smiled once in front of him, silently grateful.

“Up ahead. Seems we've got the drop on 'em,” Shepard warned and gestured with her fingers to send Garrus far out to her left with his scope and moved Jack and Miranda closer to the front, getting them to crouch down as they moved inward.

“Holy fuck, they're gross,” Jack grumbled quietly across the mic.

Shepard snorted, glad to hear the sneer in the biotic's voice. “Garrus, what do you see from your point?”

“Five. They've got weird guns. They can fly, too. Shepard, look if you can. Two o'clock. Looks like they're doing something.... Oh, shit.”

“What?” Shepard demanded, moving the position of her own scope to see his with his directions.

Shepard's jaw dropped as she watched the insectoid being she'd seen on Veetor's recordings walking around, putting people into odd pod like containers.

They didn't have time. Not _nearly_ enough.

“Jack, take them out!” Shepard barked, already firing one heavy round through the head of a Collector, the sound of her rifle loud as she sent two more through to finish the kill.

The loud warping noise echoed over the comms as Miranda and Jack both unleashed upon the now turned, active Collectors. Two went flying through the air at high speed, hitting the sides of buildings with force. One pointed their way with an odd claw-like finger, and Shepard watched Garrus's round take that entire hand off on its way into the alien's chest. Shepard followed his with two quick bursts from the Viper, putting the being on its knees to fall to its death.

Jack and Miranda both carefully weaved over and finished their targets with guns as Garrus and Shepard caught up. Shepard quickly ran a scan over one of the bodies, disturbed while EDI quietly confirmed that the information had been relayed.

They tried to pry open one of the pods, but it refused to budge.

Still running out on time, Shepard forced them all forward, making Garrus the cover at her six like always with Jack to her front left and Miranda to her front right. They disposed of more Collectors as they funneled into the actual settlement area, and Shepard sighed in relief each time that strange chattering sound was silenced.

Before Shepard could even spend the bullets, Jack threw out a broad shockwave, wiping out the sudden group of stronger looking husks that had started running for them.

Angry yet vindicated with the Reaper tie, Shepard stomped one of the still twitching hands before flicking her cloak on and going up, around a corner to investigate the next open area of contact.

“Taking one of these guns, Shepard. Never seen anything like them,” Garrus informed her through his mic.

“Good idea,” she replied, looking around. “Christ, there's so many people in pods and a bunch still running, frozen by the swarm fields. I hope not many are loaded up or gone yet.”

“They'll have to take stock, so to speak, afterward,” Miranda agreed.

Shepard ordered them to follow, Jack up the middle with Miranda as Shepard and Garrus each took a set of buildings, following the paths through window openings with their guns.

A slew of Collectors landed in front of them, and Shepard rolled away from a poor bastard still frozen in movement next to her to avoid him getting shot when they took aim for her. Plasma beams burned hot not far above her head, and her heart beat rapidly while she waited for them to stop.

Miranda fired next to her, tossing out a mixture of tech and biotic attacks to distract them while Shepard snapped in her comm to Garrus across the way, hidden, “Just big bugs, right? Big bugs that are _shooting at me_ , Garrus!”

“So squish 'em!” he shouted back, gun blasting the head open on one of the drones.

“Ugh,” Shepard groaned, but fired three rounds into the arms and chest of another, backing it right against an emergency canister tank. “Miranda! Overload those things!”

“On it!”

The explosion that went off took out two more drones with it, and Shepard sighed in relief. Well, she did, until one of them got suddenly lifted off the fucking ground, enveloped in yellow light, and looked like it was set on fire before lowering itself again.

“We are Harbinger,” the voice spoke from the now stronger Collector.

“Oh, yeah? Harbinger _who_?” Shepard spit and threw some incineration tech toward the being walking its happy ass right to them.

Jack flung some biotics at it, but the attacks bounced off a heavy barrier. Miranda immediately began working on it, trying to warp it down for them to do more damage, and Garrus cleared the field with Jack's help until only this strange Collector remained.

“These attacks are pointless,” the being spoke again, as they tore through it with its barrier gone.

It burnt away, and Shepard smirked as she stood up. “Pointless, my ass.”

With the area cleared, Shepard and Miranda double checked some of the nearby colonists for bleeding in their stasis, thankfully finding none. They moved forward after that, rushing as best they could and entered a garage where a lone human mechanic was left, unharmed.

“I'm telling you, I just got here,” Shepard argued with the colonist one more time. “Tell me what's going on. Tell me exactly what you know.”

The man took his hat off, wiped his brow, and sighed. “It's all the Alliance's fault. We were safe, just some backwoods colony, but they had to come out here, make a presence with that Williams woman, and install guns to attract attention. The damn guns don't even _work_ to protect us!”

Shepard's stomach dropped. Oh, God. Was Ash here? Was she even alive, still? And would she let Shepard help her, if so, with that pride of hers and the Cerberus emblem on Shepard's ship? “Williams woman?”

“Yeah, some chief. Ashley Williams?”

“Shit,” Garrus rumbled, a hand instantly going to her shoulder. “We have to see if she's in one of these pods.”

“First we get those damn GARDIAN laser guns online to hit that ship,” Shepard ordered, trying to shake the fear that Ash may have already been lost to these fucking possessed, shooting bugs. “Let's go. You stay here, buddy.”

“Don't gotta tell me twice.”

They left the garage, booking it through some furniture, and Jack went ahead, biotics prepped to toss anything out of their way.

But Jack slid to a stop and flung herself back around one corner, brows high up in Shepard's view. “Holy _fuck_ , that thing is gross.”

“What? What is it?”

“No idea, Shepard. It's got arms, legs, and a big fuckin' sac on its neck.”

“Blow the sac,” Shepard barked, glancing to Garrus's position a bit across from her with a nod.

He moved out of the building, switched for his assault rifle, and began firing as the creature came around with several husks and Collector drones shooting from windows. Jack wiped the husks out in front of them, sparing them the distraction, while Garrus fired two rounds into the creature's sac Jack described.

Shepard briefly took in the blue fucker, eyes wide as it lifted its arm and shot a bouncing blast her way. Cloak activated, she rolled away, throwing incinerations out to burn the nasty thing while Miranda caught some of the drones' attentions with her own ranged attacks.

The sac on the creature burst, but it only staggered and fired again, this time hitting Shepard's shielding hard enough to break it and leave her vulnerable.

“Fuck!” she cried out, hearing a plasma gun sound off above her head again. “My shield's down!”

She stayed in cover, counting the very few precious seconds for her shield to recharge itself, and trusted her squad mates, trusted _Garrus_ , to protect her.

Weirdly enough, her vulnerability seemed to be the point that brought Miranda and Jack into full cooperation.

“Jack, hit it with everything you've got! Knock it off its feet! Vakarian, take out that Collector moving on Shepard's location! I'll break the last son of a bitch straight ahead!” Miranda called out, and Shepard closed her eyes once in shock as both members responded with quick affirmations to the orders.

Shepard's shield recharged just as the large creature exploded between Jack, Miranda, and a canister. Cloak on again, she moved and fired a few rounds from her pistol into the remaining Collector that had pinned Garrus, killing it and freeing him.

She panted, red hair falling around her face, as she bent for a moment to catch her breath. “Thank you,” she sighed. “You guys were great.”

“You all right?” Garrus asked, glancing her over once.

“Yeah.”

“Gotta protect your ass, Boss Lady, if I wanna get paid,” Jack snickered with an arched dark brow.

Shepard managed to laugh and moved forward through the buildings toward the star port, elbowing Miranda once for a more quiet, personal thank you. Despite their differences, Shepard had faith in the Cerberus operative, and this proved it.

“There's a tower in the next area, Commander. You will need to manually calibrate the GARDIAN guns. I can remotely aid in getting them online,” EDI advised quickly.

“Thanks, girl,” Shepard replied.

“You're welcome,” EDI responded, and Miranda smirked a little.

Shepard got them through another large separating door, like the garage's one, and they entered a full, busy area of stacked supplies—tires, boxes, crates, canisters, all kinds of shit haphazardly surrounding the central tower.

They went for it, clearing out the few Collectors that had tried to fly in first.

Shepard messed with the Tower's settings, panicking as EDI confirmed the Collectors' ship was sending off new readings, as if it might be preparing to leave. Her squad stood around her, all with guns up, watching for any new enemies that might come upon them.

“Commander, these lasers will take a few moments to charge up. I suggest taking cover _now_!”

“Okay, EDI,” Shepard nodded and quickly glanced across the area. “Garrus, go left. Get behind some stacks if you can. Alternate your guns if necessary for back up, and move closer if you must. Jack, Miranda, you see that walk way to the right? Each of you take an end there. I'll take the middle in the front by the door, and maybe that way we'll surround any of these assholes.”

The team broke apart, moving as she requested with Shepard herself running for the position she'd designated as hers. She climbed over some crates, drew out her pistol, and made sure the incinerating ammo mod was active on her gun.

The noises started again—husk groans she'd once prayed to never, ever hear in the rest of her life and those creepy insect sounds filled the air.

“Garrus,” she said, switching her mic briefly for his private channel.

“Yeah, babe?”

“If this goes sideways...just...you mean everything to me, okay?”

“...I know. You can't imagine what you mean to me, Shepard.”

“Okay. Let's do this.”

“Yeah. Smash these bugs to hell, A. We'll make you a retired career of insect extermination, how's that sound?”

Shepard laughed before switching her comms open again, grateful to him.

When the mass descended upon them, Shepard sent a little mental prayer to her father and Caios to watch over them. And then she started firing.

Husks moved as a group for Jack and Miranda's location, barely getting close between both sets of biotics. Garrus sniped from his spot carefully, keeping the immediate localized spot around the tower's controls free. Shepard slid side to side, cloaking and removing the protection, shooting and distracting Collectors from Garrus's location toward her side and that of the other women.

It worked well for about four minutes.

And then more sac creatures showed up, shooting those awful bouncing blasts.

“Keep the _fuck_ away from those blasts! They'll knock your shields out entirely!” she shouted in warning across their communications. “Aim for the sacs, first! Jack, try keeping them off balance for us!”

“I hear ya!”

Shepard felt sweaty inside of her under suit beneath the armor, hoping with each round she shot and each tech attack she let loose that they'd take out one of the nasty blue bastards that had both decided to go for the biggest threat—Jack and Miranda.

The women were getting cornered in their once rather defensible spot, and Shepard quickly reassessed her moves.

Miranda groaned over the comms, signaling a wounding of some sort, and Shepard leapt from her spot to hide behind a stack of the tires, firing several incineration blasts as Jack unloaded with biotics.

The resulting fiery explosion popped one of the creatures apart and set the other entirely aflame, and it screeched, making Shepard dart back into her new cover and wince at the loud sound.

“Oh, you're mine!” Miranda screamed and unloaded upon the flaming monster, exploding it, too.

Shepard peeked around the tires, grinning at her second-in-command. “Not bad. I'd hate to imagine you actually angry.”

Miranda's smile was visible and humored.

“We good, EDI?” Shepard asked, able to hear the sounds of the big guns priming.

“Yes. Wait! Something's coming in on the sensors. Something big. Move!”

“Goddamn it,” Shepard grumbled and stuck to her spot.

Her jaw dropped, though, when the even _more_ bizarre creature flew in above them, looking like a fucking crab with husk heads in its gullet. “What...the...hell?”

“Watch it! It has a huge barrier!” Garrus informed them, no doubt reading its defenses with his visor.

The high pitched shrieking noises hit her ears, and Shepard cloaked last second to move just before a bright blasting energy beam shot out where she'd been standing.

“Holy shit, holy shit, holy _shit_ ,” she repeated like a mantra, running around more of the center stacks and almost out of breath in her surprise.

The warping from Miranda was a welcome noise in the middle of it all, and Jack slung her own biotics with taunts for the big bastard to go over there.

Shepard debated strategy as the creature turned its big body in the air and went for the two stuck women while Garrus attempted some heavier shots from his assault rifle to whittle down the barrier more.

They needed protection. They needed bait.

One deep inhale and exhale later, Shepard shot several times, bullets bouncing off the big barrier but weakening it all the same. The big thing paused in the air and looked back to her just as she darted around the tires again.

“Come chase me, you fuck! Miranda, Jack, get that goddamn barrier _down_ , now!”

The biotic sounds resumed without the energy beam crippling their location, and Shepard darted about, ears full of the shrieking still.

The second the barrier went down, the monster screamed and fell to the ground. Everyone unleashed upon it without her demand, all in the zone at once, and Garrus called out that its armor had broken by at least a third of its strength.

“Good! Rinse and repeat, people!”

Shepard toyed with it, playing the most dangerous version of cat-and-mouse she ever had with her cloak constantly on and off and recharging between her rolling of cover while she kept the creature's full attention.

It went down twice more after barrier recharges, and just as it finally hovered up enough to go _over_ the stacks and shoot directly down _at_ her head, Garrus fired a loud concussive shot and hit it dead on, knocking it back in the air and making it begin to disintegrate as it died.

Shepard didn't stop. She ran for the tower as EDI began sounding panicked, herself, over the Collectors' ship, and Shepard manually set the guns off.

Blasts got bits of the ship as the guns forced it out of orbit, weakening it, but not destroying it.

She stared after it in the sky, heart dropping, head falling to her arm against the tower wall in her failure.

The guns might be operational now for future further protection, but how many were lost? How many colonists were on board that ship, going to whatever horrific doom those bastards clearly had planned with Reapers behind them?

And, God, what if Ash was with those people?

Garrus ran up to her, hand on her elbow in comfort as Miranda and Jack closed in, too, silently watching her. They all could see the anger on her face, the quiet fury bubbling around her body.

“Where are they going! They're gone! They took Lilith!” the mechanic spouted, running at them suddenly in angry fear.

Shepard looked to Miranda, unable to deal with the understandably frustrated man.

“I'll start the check for stasis survivors,” Miranda murmured and turned away, walking back toward the garage area and grabbing the colonist by the arm, dragging him with her.

Jack kept nearby, shotgun out just in case.

And Garrus briefly pulled Shepard into a side-hug of sorts, mandible grazing her head. “Hey, it's not a total loss. There are still people _here_ , Shepard.”

“I know.”

“Then listen to me. We did what we _could_. We did more than _has_ been done before in these new abduction situations.”

Shepard looked up to him, aching, and took the support offered in his handsome blue eyes. “Thanks, Garrus,” she whispered.

“Shepard! Got a human over here. Running this way!” Jack barked, gun up nonetheless.

Garrus and Shepard ran around the tower north to Jack's location, and both of them froze, eyes in shock.

Ashley Williams came storming over.

Her cheeks were flushed, her posture straight and angry, but her dark brown eyes were still relieved. Shepard ran to her old team member and shook the offered hand.

“Shepard...when I heard reports you were alive, I...wanted to believe them, but....”

“I know. It's hard to explain. I was in this coma thing for two years.”

Ashley sighed and wiped her face. “I'm glad you're okay. I'm glad you were here to help. But...is it true? Are you with Cerberus?”

Shepard let out the breath she'd been holding. “Yeah, Ash. I mean, I'm helping them stop these abductions since they got me healthy and are funding me a way _to_ help.”

“You really believe that's what they're using you for? Help?” Ashley snorted. “Don't you remember what we _saw_ , Shepard?”

“Yeah. I remember. I'm also standing here in an Alliance failure that's only a partial success because of Cerberus intervention with me,” Shepard grunted and held her hands out at the mess around them. “I know they were trying, but they're not listening to you, are they? No one is about this matter. But Cerberus _is_ doing something. Doing more than the Alliance can right now to help colonists. And if that's the right thing, that's what I'm going to do, too.”

Ash sneered. “That's what they'll tell you for _now_ , Commander. And I see you've even roped Vakarian into this. Not surprised.”

Shepard kept her facade strong as her temper rose, only her eyes soft and wet as Ashley shook her head once more in sad disgust and moved to walk away. Then, to Shepard's utter shock, a turian arm yanked on Ashley's shoulder and spun her around. Shepard's green eyes were as wide as Ashley's brown ones when Garrus bent low, a deep snarl rolling through him while his own blue eyes searched.

“I get the distaste, Ash, but if you think we don't feel it, too, then you're stupid. An arrogant, stupid human like the rest. Now, I don't give a shit what you think about me being here or working with Shepard on this, but I will say one thing: We're actually accomplishing things by doing what we have to. This... _this_ was the best the Alliance did? Are you fucking kidding me?” Garrus's voice shattered the strange silence that had fallen.

Even Jack was staring, stunned at the obvious sneer on Garrus's mandibles. His eyes narrowed, and he snapped, “Hate all you fucking want, think all you want. But I know you don't really believe it. It's almost like you always wanted to see some weakness in Shepard to validate this strength of hate to the point you don't even listen to her.”

“ _Cerberus_ ,” Ashley finally argued back, finding her voice again.

Shepard blinked, air rushing into her lungs as Garrus pointed right at her, eyes still on the human in front of him. “ _She is Shepard_. She explained as best she can right now what happened to her. Now, you trusted her once, and if _your_ trust is this easy to switch, then she is better off _without you._ So go. Walk the fuck away. And when this is all over, and we've put a stop to this Collector shit and walked from Cerberus, I expect a fucking apology for us all.”

Ashley watched him, dumbfounded, while he huffed and turned away, walking back toward Shepard and Jack. The biotic shook off the uncharacteristic quiet she'd had for the moment, snapping out a “Fuck Cerberus! But Shepard ain't one of them!” as the trio turned from Ashley and moved toward Joker's location.

Shepard said nothing, still processing Garrus's words. If she hadn't believed he truly, deeply cared for her, this proved it. Damn. She felt _terrible_ because she knew what Ash was thinking, going through, hoping and fearing—every damn person was doing the same thing with her coming back. But not Garrus. Not like that. Once he'd settled that she was alive, understood she was really there and he wasn't dead, nothing else mattered; his trust was implicit. Period.

Jack whooped at seeing the ship lower itself in atmo, and the shuttle hovered close, waiting as the biotic took off at a sprint for it. Shepard took the spare seconds of privacy to turn. Garrus paused, a brow moving slightly in question, and she stood up on her toes and kissed him warmly for a heart beat, then turned forward and began marching on.

“You're welcome, Shepard. Always,” he murmured behind her, making her smile when she thought she wouldn't for a long time.  
  


 

 


	31. Friendship With the Perfect Woman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

 

“You needed me for something?” Shepard called as she walked into Miranda's office. She saw the woman seated near the side window of the room, looking out into space and the stars.

Admittedly, Shepard had enjoyed the small change around Miranda since her argument with the operative. Over the last few smaller missions and runs, especially Horizon, it seemed that Miranda had calmed some in a different way from her cool, collected self into a more relaxed, realistic calm. Curious as to why, Shepard had only observed and wondered, deciding to stick by her last decision to stay very far removed and professional with the other woman.

Miranda gestured to a nearby chair, but Shepard moved near the opposite wall from her and leaned against it. “Invoice?” she pushed again.

“I...might have made that up.”

“Then what is there to discuss?”

“I've been thinking a lot since our last...discussion, and I cannot say that you were wrong about me,” Miranda admitted quietly, hands clasped around a bent knee. “I found it disturbing to have that thrown at my face, though I probably deserved it.”

“Probably?” Shepard asked, brows up.

“Fine, I did.”

“You know what the biggest issue is, Miranda? Why we struggle so much?” Shepard shifted her weight, arms crossing a little in habit. “You're too used to having to have control. Something in the past took that away and made you vulnerable, so now you have to have this tight fist. I will commend you for being a quick thinker when a mission changes a bit from what we figured, but you don't do the same with me. You have no faith in me, Miranda.”

“Actually, I do have faith in you,” Miranda countered and recrossed her legs, tapping one foot in the air. “I'm not stupid; I know what you're capable of based on past events and everything I've seen so far that has proven to be more than luck on your part.”

Shepard frowned. She didn't mind being wrong, but she didn't understand. “Then what?”

“You're right about the control issue. I've said everything comes down to my genetics before. What I've not told you is that my father, an egomaniac waste of human being, was so narcissistic that he created me to be this way. Everything was picked, tailored to be his idea of perfection.”

“Damn. That's fucked,” Shepard sighed, feeling sympathy now. “It's one thing to try to have a healthy kid and quite another to have a kid based on your own constructs, your own desires. Your own image.”

Miranda nodded, blue eyes soft for once. “Yes. Precisely. I was trained at the best schools with the best help for my biotics, but he was never a father. Just a controlling monster who saw me as an investment and a tool.”

“Sucks, doesn't it,” Shepard whispered and caught Miranda flinch.

“That I deserve. Shepard, I broke away from my father. I literally ran away and was lucky enough that the Illusive Man saw my potential and took me in as a recruit; Cerberus kept me safe. It's why I am the way I am about the organization, despite knowing your reservations about it.” Miranda sighed some in the quiet. “I suppose that was the first time I took control of my life, and I never let it go afterward. Being put as the head of your project was so significant that I couldn't lose focus, I couldn't make a mistake. You were the priority.”

“I'd say you did a good job.”

Miranda actually laughed a little. “I did a damn good job, Shepard.”

Shepard laughed, too, unable to stay distant then. “Still a bit proud, I see.”

“Wouldn't you be?”

“True.”

“I do have faith that if anyone can do this mission, see it through as much as possible, it is you. You have that determination and something special that brings people to you, lets them trust in you and have that faith in a stronger sense.” Shepard watched as Miranda tilted her face, her black hair trailing over one covered shoulder as she said, “I've never been able to do that, Shepard. Create that fire of belief in others. It's something you're great at.”

“So I'm told.”

“Now who's proud?” Miranda teased a little, eyes lighting up.

Shepard smirked. “Fair. But it's something I just do. It's not something I plan or force.”

“That's my point exactly.”

“So...you don't hate me?” Shepard asked, curious.

“No, Commander. I was very unsure of you, of your capability after everything. As strong as I am, as powerful as I know I can be, you yourself are a force of nature. You and I alike intimidate.”

“Good point.” Shepard pushed off of the wall and sat down in the chair next to her, feet propping against the window ledge. “Tell me about your Dad.”

“He's a piece of shit who engineered everything about my life—what I looked like, what I ate, what I did.”

“And your mother?”

“I didn't have one. He created me from his DNA in a complicated process, incubated me.”

“Just his?”

Miranda nodded next to her.

Shepard whistled low. “Egomaniac indeed. Any other family, though?”

“My twin sister; he engineered her the same way. I...when I broke away, I took her with me. Got her assigned to a new family that would love and support her and keep her safe when I couldn't protect her,” Miranda softly said. Shepard ached a little for the woman upon hearing the pain in her voice.

“Sorry. But I'm glad you did it.”

“Same. What about you, Shepard? I mean, I know about your record and family's Alliance record, but nothing personal.”

Shepard curled into the chair a little. “Anything in your digging reveal a turian?”

“There were strikes in the documents that I wondered about.”

“Good. They've protected him then.”

“Care to elaborate? If you wish.”

Shepard gave her a nod. “Yeah. My family took in a political prisoner who was later given some benefits and compensation. I was very young, and I grew up with him as a second father. I've always been drawn to turians because of that—felt more comfortable around them.”

“That's...wild, Shepard. It must have been such an amazingly unique experience for you,” Miranda offered as Shepard smiled at her some.

“It was. After Dad was killed, that turian was my father. Raised me with Mom until he died, too.”

“Sorry to hear they both passed.” Miranda snorted. “Is it terrible to wish mine would?”

Shepard barked out a laugh. “Probably not. He sounds like an asshole.”

“Oh good.”

“I still talk with Mom a bit when I can. She's always so damn busy with Alliance. I knew growing up that as much as she loved me...it was just one of those things. And when I got old enough and enlisted myself, I understood more. It just doesn't let you have the time, not really.”

“Why did you enlist? Because of family tradition?”

Shepard twisted her mouth. “Not necessarily. I felt like it was just a natural thing to do since I was raised in the environment and had connections. And Mom always said I was good at ordering around my friends in school, keeping them out of trouble.”

“Nice,” Miranda laughed. “A little commander even then.”

“Yep.”

“Can I ask you something...more personal, Shepard?”

Shepard blinked and slowly smiled. “About Garrus, you mean?”

Miranda nodded, apparently ignoring the slight redness to her cheeks. “Yes. How did you know it could work?”

“Simple. We're too emotionally tied to one another. We're best friends. Over the Saren run, I built him up, and he gave me the friendship I'd needed. We supported each other, protected ourselves through injuries and momentary scares. All of that over time just grew.” Shepard shifted in her chair, getting more comfortable. “To be honest, I've always liked turian males. I sketch, and I love sketching them most. Something about their form is just...beautiful. Deadly and beautiful. They can easily slice you up, but don't. Garrus could always cut me up with his talons, but he's so gentle with them, like...like a dog with a kitten or something. I don't know.”

“So it's really a visual thing in some ways?”

“Some. We're similar in personality, differing on a few key points. He's changed on some things, but not entirely. Sometimes he likes to punch first, get the thing done right away without considering all options. Being around me has changed that somewhat for him.”

“I see.”

Shepard felt herself shrink some, feeling simultaneously relieved to have the surprising female companionship and upset as the emotions hit her. “Miranda, I hate myself.”

“What? Why, Shepard?” Miranda asked confusedly.

“I died. I left him alone, him and all my friends and my mother.”

“Shepard, that's....”

She shook her head. “When I went back for Joker and got him in the pod, I had to manually release it. I...had this feeling that I wouldn't make it back in time, hoped maybe I'd catch a different pod. But there was still this gut thought that it wasn't going to happen. When they shot the ship again, I was flung around in the remains. My suit punctured near the oxygen tank, and it leaked out. I could hear it. I choked to death in space in this horrible silence that was only broken by the leaking sound and my gasps. And I just knew that was it. No one could save me, and I was going to die.”

“Christ,” Miranda whispered, turning in her seat to fully view Shepard. “I...that is terrible.”

Shepard swallowed and glanced over. “But you...brought me back. Gave me a second chance. Whether that was fated or not, thank you. I can heal Garrus over a long period of time, I hope. Aside from Mom he was hit hardest.”

“Were you together before you died?”

“No. That's the shit part. I was on my way back to see him and talk about our feelings we'd danced around for so long. On my end I didn't want to pressure him, thinking he couldn't like a human—that it was too weird, while he was afraid I wouldn't let the friendship line cross. Biggest regret of my life, not just fixing that before I left. Letting it go and flirting in messages, easing into it instead of just ripping off the bandage, so to speak.” She sighed and let her arms wrap around her knees a bit. “It tore him apart, you know. Can happen with turian biology if they're very attached to someone. S'why I hate myself. I had the idea in my gut I was gonna die if I got Joker out of there, and I did it anyway knowing I'd leave them all.”

“There's a hell of a difference between sacrificing yourself to save someone and taking a nice cover for a suicide,” Miranda countered quietly, urging her to rethink her words. “Seriously, Shepard.”

“Point.” Shepard waited a few moments before asking her, “Do we still make you uncomfortable?”

Miranda didn't reply at first, but then shook her head. “No. You don't. It's your business, and it doesn't bother me, Commander.”

“Just the shock factor, then?”

“A bit, yeah. But what you said...that you hoped one day I found someone who could care for me the way a turian does for you, well.”

“He's a keeper,” Shepard smiled at her. “Hell of a guy, really. Amazing friend. Hilarious, snarky, and cute, even with that bandage on his scarred up face now. Seriously, for turians Garrus is a hottie, even still.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Before the wound? Model-esque. I'd know from how much I'd drawn them, looked up actual rated models.”

“Wow.”

“Mm-hm. I'm lucky he was such a rebel and that turned off a lot of females and offers.”

Miranda chuckled. “He is...rather amusing often. I enjoy when he teases you sometimes in mission.”

“Hold over from our past run. It's a good tension relief, and he knows it. But he's also an ass sometimes with an ego thankfully smaller than your father's.”

“Ouch!” Miranda laughed again. “That bad, though?”

“He can get a bit...you know sometimes. But he's earned it.”

“For what it's worth, Commander, as I get to know the two of you...I really am glad you're both here. Despite my misgivings, your bond is a good foundation and source of...solidarity. I know everything will work out because you're in sync. That kind of thing,” Miranda told her, surprising the shit out of her.

Shepard just smiled. “Wow. Thanks, I guess.”

“I'm glad he survived.”

“Thanks again for helping with that night.”

“Of course.”

They sat in mild silence for a while, both staring out the window and feeling much calmer. “Did we just become friends?” Shepard asked, snickering to herself.

“...yes,” Miranda slowly said. “I think so. My first friend in a long time, really.”

“Cool. Well, hit me up whenever you need to chill.”

“Will do.”

Shepard yawned loudly, stretching as she sat upright in the chair. “I'm gonna go crash now. Thanks for the chat.”

“No problem. Glad to have sorted out some things.”

She stood and gave Miranda little wave, already feeling a much better, cooperative and friendly atmosphere on the ship and enjoying it. “I'll let him know we're good. He's been rather pissed off, but he's protective as hell, so.”

Miranda tilted her face.

“He'll chill. No worries,” Shepard reassured, smiled again, and left the room with a soft “good night,” sighing in relief as she heard it repeated. She couldn't wait to go to bed, omni-tool on call and talk to Garrus about this conversation, because she highly doubted he was gonna believe her at first.

   
  


 


	32. It's Ah, Um, Research

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor schmuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

  
  
  
  


Joker hobbled awkwardly down the mess toward the closed battery doors. EDI had pinged him to say Garrus had tried to contact him via comm at the helm, and that it sounded personal. Concerned, but not wanting to really admit it to the AI, he shrugged her off and said he'd check it out. But man, if he'd known what he was gonna walk in on he'd have had her video recording prepped.

EDI unlocked the battery for him as Garrus was unresponsive, and Joker wondered if the stubborn turian had just gone down for a nap or something. But then he walked in, heard a sound he recognized _very well_ at this point, and gaped. Before him Garrus was sitting on a crate, looking completely uncomfortable and tense as he was trying to make sense of some human porn on a datapad.

Joker actually wheezed so hard he thought he was going to break his sternum. Garrus snapped together at his wheeze and threw the pad across the main gun barrels in embarrassment. The pilot coughed hard, trying to find the strength in his gut to handle the serious laughter wracking his body, but gave up and fell to the floor, thankfully with no fractures.

“Oh...oh my...my fucking God, Garrus!” Joker spit out finally, hugging himself.

Garrus just held his head in his hands. Because despite throwing the pad, it hadn't shut off, and a woman's moans kept echoing in the room. Joker cackled for three more minutes, barely able to breathe, before he huffed to his feet and forced himself to retrieve the pad tossed near the left gun barrel. He paused the porn vid, still coughing out small laughs, and sat it down on the nearby console. “Okay, Vakarian, you _have_ to explain this one.”

“Shut up,” Garrus growled, one hand curled into a large fist. “Just...shut up. Spirits.”

“C'mon, Garrus! I had no idea when EDI said you asked to talk to me during dinner that I'd walk in on...on _that_ of all things! Never. Ever. Never. Jesus, it's so funny that it's beautiful.”

“Hah.”

“Admit it. This is the funniest fucking thing in a long time.”

“Most embarrassing fucking thing.”

Joker felt a little bad at how consistently down Garrus looked, and he was still trying to figure out exactly why the turian had been watching human porn, though he had an idea, of course. He took a seat carefully on a crate near Garrus's position and made himself settle. “Okay. So...I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that, uh, the vid is part of what you wanted to talk about. Unless, you know, watching human porn is just a dirty hobby I didn't need to know about.”

“Damn it, Joker.”

“Well? C'mon.”

Garrus finally looked up at him, gaze wary. “Fine. I had some...some questions that I wasn't...comfortable asking Doc about.”

“Okay. Better start from the top: why are you watching this shit to begin with, Vakarian?” Joker asked, trying to be patient. But damn it, he knew. He'd known for a while. And it made him so fucking happy.

The turian exhaled for a little bit, wincing at his wound and lightly touching the bandage covering it. “Well, um. I...Shepard and I are...look, we're dating now, have been since I got here, and it's hushed to not disturb the crew or start any problems. Half of them probably figure something, though, since I heard that she went a bit crazy when I was brought on injured. I just...this is all new to me. I know I want her, but I don't know things she might need or expect or anything. So...this is...research?”

Joker broke out into a huge grin. “Garrus Vakarian, I'm so proud of you right now. Diving head first into some of the most disturbing shit in the galaxy, just to make Shepard's eyes cross in orgasm.”

“Fuck, Joker, do you have to make it so crude? I already feel dirty enough. Confused enough.”

“No, no, I mean it—you're seriously willing to go great lengths to make her comfortable and happy. That's...uh. Pretty awesome of you, actually.” Joker relaxed his posture as Garrus finally seemed to get less stiff. “Really like the Boss, huh.”

“More than that,” Garrus sighed and looked away. “We were...when you guys were supposed to stop at the Citadel for resupply, we were going to have a 'talk' about stuff—our feelings, what we wanted...start a relationship. All of that. I thought maybe I'd get back on the ship, even. I missed her too damn much waiting on Spectre approval.”

Instantly Joker felt sick. Holy shit, that explained so much. Garrus had lost his fucking mind when he'd told him about Shepard being spaced. Granted, Joker knew back then that the turian was closer to her than he admitted to being, and he, being sneaky, had found out Shepard actually liked turians by snooping on comms once in a while out of boredom. She'd mentioned once or twice in downtime after they'd parted ways on the Citadel that she was so impressed with how Garrus had progressed, had grown in confidence and lost some anger without the C-Sec tape; that the turian was actually her best friend at that point.  
  
So Joker had figured telling Garrus what happened with the _SR1_ was going to fucking suck. And it had, just on a much more colossal scale than he'd expected, but he got it now. Hell, Garrus had picked up him by his collar at one point that day, and Joker had actually wondered if the turian was going to kill him.... Joker wouldn't have stopped him, either. The pilot looked to the floor beneath his feet, the silence just weighing between them. “I'm...I'm so fucking sorry, Garrus. God, I'm sorry. I jumped Alliance ship just to be here for her, to make it up to her. But I didn't know you guys were that far into things. I just...shit. I'm sorry.”

Garrus looked up, caught his eye, and shook his head, mandibles a little tight. “It's...she told me more about what she remembers. She doesn't blame you, though I could see both of your sides, and I admit to blaming you a lot the last two years. If her suit hadn't punctured, maybe she'd have floated a little until help could catch her without losing her, but...that's not what happened. Regardless, I, um. I'm trying to move past it, you know, with her here and us being together now. I think she wants us to get over it so she can, yeah?”  
  
“Makes sense. Hard to let go, though,” Joker muttered, pissed at himself once more.

“Look, Joker, the reason I pinged for you is because of that...stuff on the pad. I just need some tips in the right direction and some answers to questions. But you _cannot tell her_ I came to you. She'll probably crap. I just can't talk to Chakwas about this. It's too uncomfortable with another female that I respect,” Garrus explained and uncomfortably retrieved the datapad from the console Joker had sat it upon. “So...I'm trying to figure out some physical stuff, obviously. Anatomy differences, erogenous zones, that stuff.”

“Gotcha. Okay, so what are your questions?” Joker asked, finding it strangely easy to treat it seriously rather than still being humored. Garrus's earlier revelation had just stripped him of any joy.

Garrus brought up an awkward image of a naked human woman posed on her back. “Okay. So...Spirits, this makes me sound stupid. I've had several partners, but none of them human, just some turian females and one sort-of thing with an asari once on a dare, but it...I didn't go through with it. Only turian _relationships._ I've, ah, not ever really considered interspecies stuff much. So I'm trying to gauge this like an asari physical thing, at least what from what I had seen of one, but it's still...dramatically different down, uh, there.”

“Oh. Yeah, you're right,” Joker admitted, though he only knew about asari azure from porn. Maybe Garrus had the right idea on this research thing. Joker reached, finger awkwardly pointing. “So this spot is...you know. Where you wanna be. Can be hard to, uh, feel when you're trying, but you'll find it, don't worry. It'll accommodate, too, for you to go in and stuff.”

“What's this?” Garrus asked, neck flushing as he pointed to the woman's clitoris.

Joker finally smiled a little. “That's the magic button.”

“The...what?”

“A woman's clit is super sensitive. Messing with that can make chicks come usually. An experienced fellow probably uses that to his advantage while doing other things since some women struggle with internal orgasming,” Joker said, feeling a bit stupid and totally appreciating Garrus's awkwardness that he shared now. To be honest he was a bit impressed he'd been able to get through that while sounding clinical.

“So that's...important. That part.”

“You betcha.”

“How, um.... Turian females, uh.” Garrus closed his eyes, sighed, then reopened them. “Turian females feel kinda tight, but they're a little rigid in the path shape to their um....”

“Wombs?” Joker asked, trying to help the poor bastard.

“Yeah. That. I think. Anyway, because of Palaven's sun and radiation, our bodies adapted to try to help ensure breeding. Males being self-lubricating is one of those things, and it helps a lot with the females, even when they're fully aroused. Part of it is an angle issue, which is why we traditionally mate from behind for better access, at least for breeding purpose,” Garrus explained, then waved his hand. “My point in all that crap is to ask what the differences might be.”

“Well, um, never slept with a turian before, but I'm gonna just say that human women are pretty soft inside, they can get tight again after, some can get pretty wet, and we have a fuckload of sexual positions. Seriously, there are books about it.”

“Books? Can I get them in translation? Easier than using the omni-tool chip all the time as a scanner.”

Joker smiled. “Yeah, bro, I guess you might, but getting a turian translation...there's probably like some underground kinky websites out there.”

“Oh. Also, what are these? They're soft when I hug her,” Garrus asked, pointing at the woman's breasts.

“Boobs. Well, breasts is the actual term.”

“Ah. That's right, I remember looking something up on them while waiting for you guys to...arrive,” Garrus trailed off a second, shook the emotions off, and continued, “Our females don't have them. They have a different, smaller carapace area. Smaller cowls.”

“Cowls? Huh?” Joker frowned, not quite sure he understood.

Garrus gestured to the swell of his pointed chest. “This huge area is a thicker plating carapace that protects the heart, any vital organs, all that, from damage or radiation. And this,” he said and pointed a talon at the curve that swept around below his neck and up around behind his head a little, “is the cowl. Part of the reason we have them is an evolutionary thing to keep younglings secure during danger. Babies can hook on and hold pretty tight there. We used to have lots of clan warfare in our past, so.”

“Huh. I'll be damned.” Joker raised his brows and pouted his lip. “Makes sense that every turian has that, then, not just the moms.”

“Basically. We're very social, community types, and always have been.”

“Okay, so Garrus, boobs are only a human thing because we're mammals, and even then not every mammal creature has, like, similar boobs, just smaller stuff to feed their young with. Our evolution just happened to do something fucking awesome with them instead when our monkey ancestors started to stand and walk on two feet,” Joker cracked a laugh, relieved to see the uptight turian smirk. “So I gotta ask—what are you actually attracted to in Shepard physically? I mean, mentally I get that you're pretty similar. But your females and ours are extremely different.”

Garrus rolled his neck, popping it a second, before looking more serious. “Well, her waist. Turians love waists—the shape, all that. And it's an erogenous zone on females. Shepard has _amazing_ legs, even if there's not spurs on them. Pretty eyes, nice mouth, though that is a total adaptation for me, which I love. Probably the biggest adaptation thing I love about her is, um...how round she is behind. She's much thicker and rounder than our females get.”

Joker threw his head back and laughed a moment, and thankfully Garrus chuckled, understanding it wasn't meant to be rude. “Shepard _does_ have a nice ass. But you'll never hear me say that outside of this conversation, bro. She'll break my legs.”

“Ah, yeah. She has a fantastic ass. It's one reason I like being on her six.”

“Garrus Vakarian, I'm shocked! You sneaky bird. How long ago did you start checking her out?”

Garrus shrugged with a light laugh. “It's a perk, having that view. Um...a long time ago. Noveria? We had the elevator and the purge thing, and she ended up in my lap. I...got a feel then. Caught my attention. After that I just never stopped looking when she was in front of me.”

“Hah! Damn, dude, it's been awhile.” Joker just shook his head, feeling less angry and guilty now. “You sure you guys can, uh, go the whole way?”

“Joker, turians have dicks.”

“Well yeah, but shape-wise, I don't know what the hell you're like. Don't really wanna know either,” he countered. Not that he cared, but it would kinda suck for them to get close and then be unable to do what they wanted.

Garrus messed with the datapad again and brought up a different porn vid, this one actually featuring a turian male and a human female. Joker's eyes popped. “Holy shit, this exists? I mean, duh, of course it does. It's the extranet.”

“There's this lurid site that features a lot of this stuff and other couples as different—like salarian or hanar pairings, which is fucking weird, too. Also a bar on the Citadel that doesn't blink for hook ups between humans and my people either, but it's rather small and hidden well. I took Shepard there before she left.” Joker almost jumped at the deep growl that echoed in the battery from Garrus. “Damn it. Sorry. I still wanna punch Chellick every time I think about it.”

“Chellick?” Joker asked, confused.

“Turian in C-Sec we helped out on the first run. I knew he had a reputation for intermingling with other species sexually, and he openly showed signs for her the second time we met him. Pissed me the fuck off.”

“Jealous, huh, Garrus.”

“Spirits, yeah. Didn't know why, but I just wanted to tear him up. Back then I thought it was because he was basically disrespecting her as the authoritative figure she was by being highly inappropriate, and I didn't know she....”

Joker smirked. “Is into you guys? Yeah, I eavesdropped once and found out, though I kinda knew before because she reacted to Nihlus like a girl I dated once did to me. She saw him, got all fidgety, the whole embarrassing aroused thing.” Garrus tightened for a moment and brought his mandibles against his face angrily. Joker held his hands up, realizing what he'd done. “Dude, that guy's dead. Don't worry about it.”

“I...know. Spirits, that's bad to think. It's just that after losing her and having all these new hormones in me, it's easy to set off the territorial instincts right now. It's killing me.”

“Oh that sucks. Like it's biological, for real?”

“Yeah. Most of it is. Hold over from fighting over mates.”

Joker's brows went up. “Well damn.”

“But yeah, anyway, the night I took her to the bar I was trying to figure out how to actually tell her how I felt, but I was afraid and she'd thrown our friendship line in my face before during some intense moments. I get now that she did it to try to reassure me, thinking I didn't want her that way and was afraid if she told me how she felt she'd fuck up our friendship, but it was such a huge issue. Chellick showed up, obviously fucking happy to see her in that place, and left with her. I was so drunk by that point that I took this flirty female home even though I didn't want her at all,” Garrus went on, his grip on the datapad rough. “Turned out Shepard couldn't go through it with Chellick, so she came back to my apartment and found me with the female. I smelled her scent change—so I knew she was definitely attracted to me and upset—and I chased after her half-naked through the damn side streets, where we had this huge argument in public. Finally reassured her enough, got back, the female had left, and we spent the night playing cards. I knew she felt something that night, but I didn't know what to do to get her to say it. I knew I was too drunk to say anything and her take me seriously. And Chellick's smell was so damn strong on her that I honestly was relieved when she used my shower.”

“Jesus, that is insane. Sorry, bro.” Joker gave him a sympathetic twist of his lips. “Why would she smell like him?”

“It...meant the bastard got really cozy with her. He also started a scent claim on her, probably preparing to build a relationship,” Garrus answered with another growl. “But, we're past it. Friends. He understands about us, because apparently the reason she left was she had feelings for me and until she knew for sure I didn't have them for her, she didn't want to lead him on. Came back to the apartment to get her stuff to go crash on the ship. But Chellick, he knew I cared back, and I can only imagine how much that sucked to let her go for him. I was so scared that night that I was going to lose her. Chellick hates me a little for it, I think, but he jokes about it instead for her benefit. He...honestly really likes her as a person, not just a conquest or whatever. He ain't a bad guy.”

“So she left him and saw you with the turian chick. Oh shit.” Joker reached over and lightly tapped Garrus's armored shoulder. “Man, that sucks. Just glad you guys got past that, obviously. Wait...so if she smelled like him that day...does she smell like you all the time now?”

“Yeah. I've imprinted on her—that's the step beyond an initial scent claim, meaning she's accepted it and let me build on it. It's strong, so turians and other species can notice it. Basically it means we're involved physically and emotionally to those who can smell it.”

“Glad I can't smell it.”

“Oh shut up. It's...not a bad smell. Sexy, honestly. Like a pheromone.”

“If you say so, Garrus.”

“So about this turian-human porn,” Garrus changed the subject and held up the pad for Joker to see. “He, uh, seems to be doing fine, right?”

Joker awkwardly watched the turian slamming into the moaning woman with her front to a wall, his talons dug into her hips. “Yep. Looks like it.”

“Okay. So we'll mesh, then. Not like that's gonna happen for a while. I just...want to be prepared. Know some little things to seduce her now and then.”

“Garrus, that's smooth.”

“Heh.”

Joker looked away from the tapered dark blue turian dick as it slipped out of the woman. Not that he wanted to know, but it looked physically compatible at least from the video. Garrus clicked off the datapad. “You'll be fine, Garrus. Honestly, men can seduce women all they want, but if it's just sexual it won't matter beyond that second. If there's emotions involved? It means a lot more. And you really care about her, like she does you.”

“Yeah. I do. Spirits, I do.” Garrus blinked. “Worries me. I've had two and a half years to feel this much. She's had part of a year and since she woke up. I don't want her to run on me or feel pressured.”

“Don't let her. And if she tries, I'll talk to her. As...weird as it is, you guys _are_ good for one another,” Joker said and got to his feet tiredly. “Well, Garrus, I'm gonna go find my bunk. Enjoy the research.”

“I'm done for the night. Spirits, I can't take much of it. But thanks, Joker. I really mean it.”

“Hey, not a problem! I'm down for porn convos anytime. I can, uh, forward you some rom-com vids. Might help give you ideas for romancing Shepard.”

“Rom-com?”

“You know. Romantic comedy chick stuff.” At Garrus's masculine groan of annoyance, Joker barked out a laugh.

Just as he went to leave, the door opened and Shepard strode in, nervous. She paused, eyed the two embarrassed men, and narrowed her eyes. “What is going on here, boys?”

“Chit chat, Boss.” Joker tossed Garrus a wink over his shoulder and shuffled toward the door. “By the way, totally glad you're dating Garrus. Maybe if you reach hard enough, you'll grab that stick up his ass and yank it out for us.”

“And slap you with it,” Garrus drawled.

Joker shook his head with a laugh, especially at Shepard's pinning gaze on the turian. “You told him?” she asked, not angry but a bit surprised.

“Hey, I can be trusted. Gee, thanks, Shepard.”

“I know, it's just that....”

Joker rolled his eyes, getting why she was nervous now. “Seriously, Boss. I don't care that you have the hots for Garrus. You like who you like, you know?”

“Ugh, Joker,” Shepard groaned out and rubbed her face with a hand, but ended up smiling at him. “Thanks, bud.”

Joker returned it and watched Garrus slide his long turian arms around her waist, face nuzzling at her neck. “Hey now. Be nice. Missed you today, babe.”

“Eh. I give him a week before he cracks,” Shepard joked, a smirk aimed at Joker who only smirked back. “Missed you, too, hon.”

“Okay, getting out of here before I'm subjected to visuals. See ya!” Joker waved, smiling as he left the battery.  
  
Yeah, it wasn't often he spoke to Garrus alone, but holy _shit_ he hadn't been expecting that. Not. At. All. Maybe Garrus wasn't as stuffy as he used to be. Joker grinned, thinking ahead to all the lines he was going to insert into the turian's comm during missions about Shepard's ass.  
  
  
  


 


	33. Trying to Reconnect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

With less than a day before they'd arrive into Illium, Shepard tried to rest.

Horizon, it seemed, had taken a lot more out of her than she'd expected. Even with Garrus's hugs, kisses, and sweet messages the last few nights, Shepard found herself still bitter. Angry. Disappointed.

Shepard wrote three attempts at an explanation to bridge with Ash, but in the end she deleted each one. Garrus's words to her ex-chief kept bouncing around her head every time she debating sending a message that she finished, and that cinched the decision. Because he was right, damn it.

Near three in the morning, Shepard woke to EDI's soft voice in the room saying, “Commander? Commander, there's an incoming call. I believe you'll want to take this.”

Shepard sat up in bed, red hair mussed, face half mushed still from being pressed deeply into her pillow. “Huh? Who...?”

“Your mother, Commander,” EDI said, almost sounding like the AI was smiling somehow.

Instantly Shepard bolted from bed in her pajamas and ran up around her desk, fingers flying over holo-keys to bring her mother's image up on the big screen wall.

Shepard's green eyes moistened as she stared at her mother's tired, still beautiful face. The blond hair was still immaculately styled as always, her Admiral uniform shined, her blue eyes somehow managed to come through on the vid quality, and her smile was warm. Familiar. Home.

“Mom,” Shepard gasped, voice breaking. “God, Mom, I missed you.”

“Athena,” Hannah sighed in relief and sat forward. “I'm so glad to see you. Your messages have...I can't even explain how much they've made me feel. Are you all right? I've spoken with Councilor Anderson about some of this.”

Shepard nodded, no longer tired as she sat down in her chair. “Yeah, Mom. I mean, I'm up and walking around. I get...pains sometimes. Little nerve flares. The cybernetics keep me up often, and I get constant check ups. No serious wounds so far outside of muscle issues in battles. Wish me luck.”

Her mother shook her head, concerned. “Good luck. But, Athena...are you _all right_ , really? I can't...can't imagine what you're thinking.”

“Everything and nothing, Mom. I'm so overwhelmed. The abductions, the Collectors, feeling responsible all over again on something colossally scaled...let alone the nightmares. Feeling like I can't be trusted because of Cerberus bringing me back,” Shepard whispered, glancing away and thinking of Ash. “Guess I can't blame them, but it's not like I was alive enough to sign away my life and wavers. To agree to any of it.”

“Athena, anyone who truly knows you knows you're trying to do the right thing.”

“I know, I...just.”

Hannah Shepard gave a little stern cough that had Shepard reverting back a couple decades of memories. “You might be an adult now, but I can still mentally ground your ass. Where's my girl's confidence? You and your father were both always able to bounce back after a hit.”

Shepard smirked while raking a hand through her messy red hair. “I'm getting it back. Bit more sass than I'm used to, though. I've had enough, Mom. I'm so _done_ with things.”

“I imagine so.”

“So...the reason I wanted to do this, you know, besides the obvious, is...ah,” Shepard flushed and grinned excitedly. “Mom, Garrus is here.”

“So you mentioned in the note I got. Is he doing better since the surgeries still?”

“Yeah.”

Her mother slyly winked. “So, when do I get to meet him for dating you?”

Shepard blushed somewhat. “Um. Well. He's sleeping right now, so next time.”

“How are things with you two?”

“I barely even hinted we were dating already so I could tell you now,” Shepard grunted, laughing afterward. “How'd you know?”

“I'm your mom, Athena, and you've been head over heels for that turian for ages now. Him for you, too.”

Eyes glowing happily, Shepard traced random patterns on her desk with her fingertip. “It's...great, Mom, despite things going to hell around us. We're doing well together. He's keeping me sane. Sometimes I feel like he's the only one I can trust. Other times I'm scared he'll get hurt again. But he's a soldier, so I respect it.”

“Of course,” Hannah teased. “I hope to meet you both at some point soon. Perhaps on the Citadel if I can wrangle some spare travel time. Things have been...tense.”

“Tell me about it. I'm still helping the Alliance, even if I'm not formally with them right now. I forward them intel constantly.”

“Just be careful,” her mother warned, and then paused to look off screen at someone else. Shepard barely heard the voice filtering through from whatever room her mother was in, and Hannah rolled her eyes in perfectly executed annoyance.

Shepard mimicked her. “Gotta go?”

Hannah nodded, frustrated. “Stupid meetings. I'll burn Barcos's ass for this. He knew I was going to try to catch you.”

“Something bad going on?”

“Just fears of colonies in other sectors getting attacked like the Horizon one did,” her mother explained. She smiled proudly, though, as she added, “I'll remind him _again_ how my daughter got those guns up and running without any Alliance help.”

Shepard snickered under her breath. “It's been so long since I've seen you get angry at someone that I forgot how funny it can be. You make people feel so stupid. It's a super power.”

“I think you inherited it, Athena. You just have your father's temperament to mellow it out a little,” Hannah said, then exhaled with tired eyes. “I miss you, honey. Let's do this as soon as you can, again.”

“Will try. I've got business on Illium coming up. It'll be busy as hell.”

“I understand. Just try whenever. And tell Garrus I said...hello.”

Shepard bit her lip, smiling. “He's going to crap, you know. He wants to impress you.”

Hannah sat forward in the sudden quiet intensity of the moment. Shepard's achy, beaten heart softened as she listened to her mother say farewell with an intently spoken, “He's already done that, darling. He's done it tenfold.”

 

 


	34. Illium

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

  
  
  
Shepard smiled as she brought the growing team to the airlock while Joker finished docking at their Nos Astra port. “Okay, folks. Here's the rules: Ilium's notorious for a different type of crime, so no buying anything you have to sign, no signing _anything_ at all. Watch your back and your credit chit. Everyone gets shore leave for the day while I do some info gathering and get caught up on supplies. If you need anything specific, have at it. I just authorized your Cerberus-funded pay, and you've all been deposited. Go nuts, but do _not_ make me get called. I won't bail you out, and I will leave you here to deal with the matriarch lawyers. Be back on board by 23:00 EDI’s time. Understood?”

“We got you, Shepard,” Jacob agreed, smiling and cracking his knuckles. “This is gonna be nice after that crap on Horizon.”

“Just what we could all use—some good food and beer,” Kasumi laughed, eyes glittering under her hood on Jacob in front of her. “Maybe a pinch or two, just to keep my skills up.”

Shepard shook her head. “You're good, but not here, Kasumi. Seriously.”

“Oh, fine.”

Zaeed snickered. “Bunch of children, don't know a good time if it bit 'em on the arse.”

“Jack, watch your temper here, please. Other than that, have fun,” Shepard winked as the biotic rolled her eyes, but smirked all the same.

Grunt just chuckled to himself, that low dark laugh of his as they all went past her, greeted by the docking agent and waved through. Shepard smiled at them and caught Garrus still standing nearby, gazing out at the skyline. “Beautiful, isn't it hon.”

“Yeah. It is. Shame it's way more dangerous than it looks,” Garrus grumbled, turned his head and looked at her. “You want to grab something to eat first?”

“That a date, Garrus?”

“Hm. Yeah. Why not? We're dating. We can do that now.”

“Okay, big guy. Maybe the concierge has some info for us on places,” Shepard offered.

They paused as Miranda came out of the airlock by herself, face stricken. “Shepard, I need to...may I speak with you? Please?”

“What's wrong?” Shepard asked, good mood instantly gone. “Miranda, you look like you've seen a ghost that isn't me.”

“I'll wait here,” Garrus offered, giving Miranda a sympathetic tilt of his head and walking a bit further down the dock.

Miranda shifted her feet, breathing quickly. She looked nervous and beyond upset, showing more emotion at once than Shepard had ever witnessed cross the woman's face. And yet because she _was_ Shepard, she couldn't turn her away, even if Miranda annoyed her sometimes with her attitude. She was so glad they'd had that one talk to even themselves out. Shepard gently reached out and rubbed Miranda's arm. “Hey. It's okay. Talk to me. We'll figure it out. If you're gonna tell me the Illusive Dickhead wants to send me on another Horizon already, he's waiting a bit.”

“No, no, it's...personal. I probably shouldn't even bother you.” Miranda looked away briefly. “I just need to talk to someone about it, and...I might need your help.”

Shepard stopped the woman's attempt to pace, hands holding her shoulders. “I don't know how Cerberus does things, but on my old ship I had an open door. I listen to my crew and I get them help if they need it. So tell me. It's okay.”

“I....” Miranda's eyes teared up, making Shepard's jaw drop. “It's my sister. My father...we talked about him and his psychotic needs before, yes? He...he's found out where I've been keeping her safe with her new family—here on Illium. One of my contacts from my past, Niket, has tipped me off. Something's wrong, Shepard, and I'm terrified he's going to take her, so I'm having a friend here, Lantea, find a way to get them off planet.”

Shepard instantly brought her brows down. “The hell he will. We'll stop that shit cold. What do you need?”

Miranda stared at her in mild shock. “You'd...help me?”

“I just said open door. Yes, I will.”

“T-Thank you, Commander,” Miranda gushed out, looking more humble and appreciative, down-to-Earth than ever before. “I'm arranging to meet Lantea as soon as possible to hear more about their traveling plans, but it might be morning before I get the chance. Not sure yet. Will you be near if I find out?”

“Yep. Garrus and I are gonna get chow, then find my old pal Liara and get some answers as to our next two recruits here,” Shepard explained, patting Miranda's shoulder reassuringly. “Just call. It'll be okay. We'll figure out what's going on and relocate them or something. No worries.”

“Thank you. I...never expected...thank you.”

“Take some down time for yourself, Miranda. Don't forget about your own needs,” Shepard suggested with a friendly smile. “Want some food?”

Miranda slowly smiled back as she wiped her tired eyes. “I'll get some later. Need to wait for any news. But...I appreciate it, Shepard.”

“No problem, Miranda. See, I'm not so bad,” Shepard teased, smirk turning into a full laugh as the perfect woman blushed. “And you know what? Neither are you.”

“Oh, I know. We're...weirdly friends now, so.”

“True, Lawson.”

Shepard watched as Miranda smiled, waved, and walked back into the air lock, hearing it hiss as it shut behind her. Garrus approached her side, fingers sliding into hers to hold her hand. “You okay?”

“Yeah, hon. She opened up to me for personal reasons. Might even need my help. Guess I'm in shock.”

“Wow. Well, get out of shock. I'm starving.”

Shepard chortled as they walked toward the concierge, who had graciously pretended not to notice their held hands or sneer at them.

   


\------------------------

 

 

They ended up eating in a place not too far from where they docked: One, it had both levo and dextro offerings; two, it was close by Liara's broker office; and three, none of their crew was inside. Naturally they'd wondered just what the fuck the asari had gotten herself into and couldn't wait to drill her about it.

All kinds of wandering eyes watched them eat, and it wasn't just because a human and a turian were lunching together. It was because they were sitting closer than friends, Garrus nuzzling her often as they ate. Shepard noticed most of the looks were just intrigued, probably from people who hadn't seen their uncommon pairing before. They got one or two nasty glares from some turians, and definitely one from a random human male, but the majority of folks, asari, simply looked and went back to their business.

Shepard glanced over as she finished her asari drink, noticing Garrus staring at her. “Hm?”

“I, um. It's just...nice to...do this.” His neck flushed in the changing colored lights above them.

“I know,” she agreed, feeling for his hand under the small table and smiling when they clasped their fingers together again. Despite those major differences, they still fit somehow. She rested their joined hands on her left thigh, looking up at him. “Not embarrassed at all, huh.”

“Nope. You're hot.”

“Garrus.”

He snickered at her. “What? S'true. My girlfriend is...what's that human phrase? Smokin'?”

“Wow,” she laughed a bit loudly, squeezing their hands in her grip. “Look at you.”

“I know, I know. I'm a stud, too,” Garrus teased, blue eyes she loved lit up with happiness as he looked down at her. The smile slowly slid off his mandibles as his look grew serious. “I'm so fucking lucky.”

“I know that feeling.”

“Yeah.”

Shepard just smiled up at him in reassurance, free hand cupping the left side of his face. With an inner laugh, she pulled him into a kiss, both ignoring small gasps and whispers behind them. Garrus groaned a little and pushed into it some, sighing as he pulled away. “So...can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“What, um...how much...? Look, sometimes I want to...be affectionate with you, and I don't know what's inappropriate or when,” he admitted, glancing away some as he picked up his almost empty drink.

Shepard frowned a little. “Honey, you can be affectionate any time you want. There's no clock on that.”

“Just didn't know.”

“Garrus,” she said, waiting until he'd swallowed his sip and sat the glass back down. “I'm serious. Do whatever whenever. I don't care. We only have to watch the crew a little, so. Same...same goes for me, right?”

“Yeah. Absolutely.”

“Good.”

Garrus grunted. “Well, um. How much of our affection styles do you know?”

“Nuzzling, nipping, biting, and rubbing mandibles, right?”

“We can nip relatives; kids do that a lot. We only bite mates or significant others in affection though.” Garrus shifted his shoulders. “But we tend to, um, lick partners a lot. It's...a possessive move and very intimate, and I've noticed it's not a human thing, not the same way...so....”

“Lick me,” she said, watching his eyes light up. “What?”

“You...sure?”

“What, is it bad to do in public?”

“It's more like, eh, crossing some serious PDA, sure, but...you know what? Who cares.”

Shepard raised a brow. “Well, I'm waiting. You've done it before. This time you'll be sober.”

Garrus flushed again, sounds that were probably embarrassment in his subharmonics lowly reaching her hearing. He seemed to gather himself as he glanced around at the faces nearby before leaning in and licking under her jaw; it was strange because his tongue was long, narrow and smoother textured than a human's—and it instantly brought back memories of feeling it two years ago when he'd been drunk. Shepard closed her eyes as he slid his tongue back toward her ear, flicking it once, and then moved it down her throat to her collar. When he stopped licking her, she shuddered and opened her eyes. “Like it?” he asked nervously.

“Sniff,” she said, smiling as his nose twitched and caught her arousal from it. Blue eyes immediately narrowed in a hot, sexual look.

“Hmmm,” he said to himself as he considered the information.

“So what happens if I lick you back?”

Garrus didn't even hesitate. “I lose my mind, that's what.”

Shepard barked out laughing, catching a lot of attention their way for it. “Ahhh. Sorry. That was cute.”

“Just glad I can make you laugh.”

“Oh yeah. Want me to lick you later?” she teased, smile growing as she saw his eyes widen in an obvious yes.

“Ah...hm.”

“Mm-hm. And if I bite you, too?” Shepard asked, enjoying this new push into physical territory with him. She'd been so damn curious, like he'd been curious about when to be affectionate with her.

Garrus actually shuddered enough that she could see it well, but his tone was sexual and baiting. “You bite me, I just might strip you naked, that's what.”

Shepard blushed, feeling warmth go straight through her body down to her toes. “We have business to do first, remember?”

“ _Fuck_ business.”

She laughed again, absolutely happy that they could be this way together. Garrus chuckled then as well, unable to hold back at seeing her laughing. “Ah, come on. Sooner we get done with Liara, sooner we can finish shopping, get back on the ship, and I'll take a nibble on you in the battery.”

“But Shepard,” he groaned out as he paid their bill by the front counter and left, hand back in hers proudly.

“Sorry, big guy. Got shit to do.”

Garrus walked with her down some paths past hawkers and shop entrances before suddenly pulling her around a corner that was more or less empty. He pinned her to the wall, eyes roaming her face sensually, then bent his head and settled his teeth on the upper side of her throat visible from armor, squeezing slightly, growling a little as he did so. Shepard moaned and held his face, encouraging him in her wild shock that they were doing such things in public, that he was being so forward. His tongue licked across the slight bite, loving on her skin gently.

Shepard waited until he tilted his head a little to access her again before she shoved forward and, with a quick intake of courage, licked his throat. Garrus groaned loudly, hands gripping her waist so tightly she could feel the pressure through her armor. Shepard took the cue as a good sign and bit down a bit, enjoying the strange taste of his smooth, leathery skin there. It wasn't salty, but was more earthy. Spicy, even. Garrus gasped and pressed her harshly to the wall with his waist, the sound trailing lower in tone. “Oh Spirits, babe. _Wow_. We, uh...we need to find...a hotel...and....”

“Feel _that_ good?” she asked as she leaned back in his hold.

Garrus blinked twice, hazy, before leaning into whisper in her ear. “You have no idea, Shepard. I'm hard as a fucking rock under this armor right now.”

That made her shiver in anticipation. Shepard caught him twitch as he sniffed her highly aroused scent. “Ugh, I wish we could go find a hotel now, but we can't.”

“You _sure_? I mean, we didn't schedule a time with Liara.”

“Garrus.” She laughed teasingly and eyed the contemplative look in his expression. “I hate to burst that debate in your pretty eyes, but we've got to get to Liara's office.”

“Ugh. Damn it, Shepard, you're killing me here,” Garrus grumbled, but managed a masculine turian smirk at her. “Got me all...something, got my hormones going, and now gonna leave 'em dry. Damn.”

“Humans have a phrase for that. It's called 'blue balls.'”

“Ironic, since I _have_...um. At least they can relate. This _sucks_.” He paused a second, nervous. “Look, in all honesty, I know we're not ready for that yet. I just wanted some space to do some...stuff for a while. Don't worry, I'm not pressuring you into sex.”

“It's okay. I don't want to pressure you either, Garrus, _but_ I will make this up to you, my big guy. C'mon,” she urged, taking one hand from her waist and leading him back out into the busy streets. Garrus grunted next to her, but followed anyway, murmuring that her swaying backside _was not_ helping his problem and thus making her smile very proudly in front of him.

When they finally found the office, Shepard was greeted by a purplish asari who bowed her head. “I'm Shepard, here to see Liara T'Soni, if she's available. Tell her she damn well better be for an old friend.”

“She was last I checked,” the asari said and gestured to a nearby door, one of the round ones apparently common to Illium design. Shepard had to admit the asari dominated colony was cool.

They went into Liara's office, Shepard smiling at first as she saw their friend behind a desk. The asari they knew was on some sort of vid call, and to their utter disbelief, they heard her nastily threaten the salarian on the other end, saying something about asari commandos and that she would “flay him alive with her mind.”

“I remember Benezia saying some similar shit to me once,” Shepard drawled, hoping to catch Liara's attention as she disconnected the call.

Liara spun excitedly, cheeks a little dark in embarrassment. “I...um. Shepard! Garrus!”

Shepard grinned as Liara darted forward and took her old friend into a hug, squeezing affectionately. “Missed you, Liara. Man, it's been too long for...both of us, though more for you, I expect.”

“You...have no idea, Shepard.” Liara let go of her and reached over to shake Garrus's hand. “Good to see you, too.”

Garrus tilted his head in greeting. “Liara.”

“Wow, I just...seeing you again, hearing you again. It's wonderful, Shepard. Delightful. Please, take a seat. Nyxerus, hold my calls, please!” Liara gestured to chairs in front of her desk, smiling as she took her seat behind it and they theirs.

The secretary gave a polite nod and left the room, sealing it for their privacy. Shepard glanced about the office, mildly impressed. “So I'm sure we both have questions for each other, but I gotta ask this one first: what in the _hell_ made you do...this? You're an archaeologist, Liara.”

“I...that's a long story, Shepard.”

“I'm making the time right now.”

Liara sighed, nodding. “It is one you deserve to know, but indulge me a moment. How...have you fared since coming back? Are you all right? Is Cerberus treating you well?”

“How'd you know she's with Cerberus?” Garrus asked, brow plates raised a bit to Shepard's right.

Liara straightened, catching Shepard's radar and making her frown. “I'm an information broker, and it's been all over contacts.”

“If I tell you how I'm doing, are you gonna clear that white lie?” Shepard countered, her own brows raised.

They watched their asari friend flinch a bit. “Yes.”

“Okay. Well, at first I was a fucking wreck. Understandably. I met Tali briefly, but she couldn't come with me. Then I couldn't find Garrus, and when I luckily did as one of my unnamed recruits on Omega, he almost died. I about went insane then,” Shepard murmured, closing her eyes a moment.

Instantly she felt Garrus reach across and take her hand, gripping it reassuringly in his and resting them on his lap. “I'm okay, babe. That's all that matters now.”

“Babe?” Liara asked, head titled and a slow smile starting on her lips. “I...might have gotten some reports that Commander Shepard had been seen with a turian, awfully friendly in some places, and...some turian contacts may have claimed she was imprinted on by this turian. Of course I wasn't sure I could believe that, but.”

“We're together,” Garrus flat out stated, no hesitation in his voice. It made Shepard feel good inside, and she smiled as he squeezed her hand tighter. “Best decision of my life, being with her. I don't give a shit who thinks otherwise.”

Liara smiled now. “Oh, don't worry. I fully support this. I think it's wonderful.”

“Thanks, Liara,” Shepard said and nodded toward her. “It means a lot. Not...many know. Just Chakwas, Joker, my current XO and another alien who saw me lose my shit when Garrus was hit.”

“I'm glad you're both okay.”

“Having Garrus is making this all manageable, I think. Without his support and seeing some old friends...I don't know if I could handle this. Just because someone is brought back doesn't mean their soul should have been, you know?” Shepard tried to say, unsure of how to word it for the two aliens' cultures.

Liara understood and quirked her lips to the side. “True. But it is how it is, and you're happy despite the situation. That's...what I needed to hear.”

“Oh?” Garrus asked curiously, crossing his right leg at an angle over his left knee. “We get to hear how you turned broker now?”

“So long as I hear how you turned out to be Archangel sometime.”

“Touche, T'Soni.”

“Remind you I said it's long.”

“Go for it.”

Liara rose for a second, turning her back to them and staring out her office window as she began her story. “I...after Shepard was spaced, I knew I had to do something. She was my friend; without her, without _you_ , I wouldn't have...been alive, for one. Been seen with trust despite what happened to Benezia. Have gotten more self-assured. So, thank you.”

“You're welcome,” Shepard quietly said.

“I began hunting for your remains as soon as possible. Your body fell with Alchera’s gravitational pull, into the atmosphere and burned but preserved within the suit partially in all the cold, too. The rest of the old ship fell onto  the planet. Unfortunately, I was not the only one hunting for your remains...and the others had more, um...nefarious purposes,” Liara said, turned and gripped her chair tightly.

Garrus growled low, the sound terrifying in the tight space. “I want names. Now.”

“Go on, Liara,” Shepard said, ignoring it for the moment.

Liara drew in a deep breath. “The Shadow Broker had sent squads to retrieve you. I panicked then because if someone was paying the Broker for your remains, they had seriously bad intentions. Nothing was going to happen to you without me fighting for you.”

“Thank you, but Cerberus got my remains. Maybe they paid the Shadow Broker?”

“Absolutely not, Shepard. They aliens you face now, these Collectors, contracted the Shadow Broker for your body, not Cerberus,” Liara said, grip on the chair making her blue knuckles paler.

Garrus's growl intensified. “You're fucking kidding me.”

“I'm not. That's the worst part, I'm not.”

“Jesus,” Shepard whispered. “What the hell is their obsession with me?”

“If they're tied to the Reapers like we think, then it was probably just a messenger situation to get you for the Reapers,” Garrus bit out, furious. “I'm going to slaughter these fucking things.”

Liara swallowed tightly, blue eyes coming up to rest on them. “Cerberus told you someone gave you to them, right?”

“Yes.”

“It...was me, Shepard.”

“But how?” Shepard asked, confused.

Liara sighed and moved to sit again. “A defector agent of the Broker became my friend, and with his help we broke into the ship you were held in. We...stole you back. But my friend, he didn't make it out with me. The Shadow Broker's agents caught him while I managed to get out. I gave you to Cerberus, Shepard, even though I knew it would upset you because they...they were your only chance. Maybe it was selfish, but I just wanted my friend back.”

Garrus let go of her hand and was instantly on his feet, chair flinging out behind him. Shepard and Liara both sat in shock as he snarled at Liara behind her desk. “You did this. You gave her to them, knew she would be brought back. You found her fucking body and fought for her, and you _never_ fucking told me? How could you, Liara! Even you must have seen...something...going on between she and I! I was a fucking wreck at her funeral, worse than anyone but her own fucking mother, and you didn't _tell me_ your plans? Didn't let me know so I could _help_? I spent two years of my life wasting away, wanting to _die_ while killing criminals and now I find out this? How fucking dare you!”

“Garrus, please calm down and let me explain!”

“ _Fuck_ you!” Garrus shouted, blue eyes so angry that Shepard was whirling from it still.

Shepard saw Liara's resolve harden despite the tears brimming in the asari's eyes. Garrus quickly keened in pain that Shepard could hear—the sound so beautifully sad and torn that it killed a part of her inside. She stood and put a hand on his arm before he could do anything he'd regret in a moment of fury. “Garrus, stop.”

“No. I can't fucking believe this, Shepard! If you'd only been there, seen how fucking bad it got, maybe you'd understand more.” Garrus shook his head dismissively in disgust at Liara, but lowered his arm.

She reached out for his face and turned him a little, green eyes locking on those pretty turian blues as they wavered. “Look at me.” Shepard waited until he complied before continuing, “Garrus, honey, I get your anger. I absolutely get it. But without her doing what she did, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be with you now. Don't forget that, okay?”

“You were almost too late anyway, Shepard. I was gonna die that night on Omega, and we both know it,” he countered, voice breaking. “I just...I just wanted.... I was tired of waiting. I know that's fucked up to say since we hadn't gotten what we were going to do before you died, but that's how I felt. I just wanted to see you again, no matter what.”

“Shh, sweetie. I understand,” she soothed him and reached up on her toes, cheek rubbing into his good mandible. Shepard held his face as Garrus brought his arms up underneath her arms, holding her tightly to him as he shook badly. “I can't imagine that pain, but I had some of my own wanting to find you again. Even when I died, the worst part was knowing I was leaving you. I understand, honey, I do. But let Liara finish. Let her explain. You can be angry still if you want, I won't hold that against you. Just understand, though, as much as you can despite that.”

“I-I don't know if I can, A.,” he keened into her throat.

“As much as it is fresh and raw still, it's the past. We can only heal and move forward if we recognize that.” Shepard turned her face and, grabbing his chin gently, kissed him for a moment.

Garrus finally melted some, pushing back against her for a furthered kiss that he needed. Seconds later he sighed and let her help him sit down again, righting his chair in the process and taking his hand tightly, lips kissing the armored knuckles.

Liara wiped her face. “I'm sorry.”

“Just explain. He needs to understand, Liara.”

“I should have contacted you when I began searching, yes. I didn't because I was afraid of dragging more people into it, the danger involved when I realized that there were others searching for their own purposes. I remember, Garrus, how torn up you were, and I thought it might hurt you worse to go through it—to see her like that, to know these things, to be there if it _didn't work_ after having hope,” Liara said, gesturing her hands peacefully, eyes still a bit wet. “When I did decide to tell you, after I got her from the Broker's people, you were gone. Even with the small network I'd started, I couldn't find you. I wasn't sure what had happened—if you'd gone Blackwatch on missions that required a false identity, if you'd just sunk into the myriad of colonies out there, if you'd even died. It scared me that you might not be out there if they revived her, but I had to do it anyway. The galaxy needs Shepard.”

Garrus bent his face, free hand covering it, entire body shaking. Shepard scooted her chair closer to his and pulled him against her side, letting him turn and nuzzle her neck and settle his face there for a while. “It's...my own fault, then, isn't it. Mine, too,” he finally said after several tense, silent minutes.

“Things happened, hon. It's in the past now.”

“I...I knew I was having a harder time than I should have, even over a friend's death, Shepard. My family was suspicious. They knew I'd attached more than I'd ever said, and Mom caught...caught onto my real feelings before I left home. I couldn't do anything; everything seemed pointless and worthless and I just wanted one last purpose, something that would honor my promise to you. So I went to Omega. Figured if I died while fucking up some bad guys without red tape, that would be...okay,” Garrus sighed and straightened, letting go of her hand to wrap an arm around her and tuck her into the curve of his side. Shepard felt his mouth graze her head, pursing for a little kiss. “Fuck, I hate the last two years.”

“I know the feeling,” Liara murmured, voice thickening. “I'm still looking for the Shadow Broker's personal ship location—that's why I'm doing this, Shepard. My friend who was captured is _still_ alive and being tortured. I've got to free him.”

“What's his name?”

“Feron. He's a drell.”

Shepard nodded gently. “If I find out anything, I'll let you know. I'll bug the Illusive Man about it; I'm sure he'll be curious about the Broker.”

“Thank you. I need all the help I can get on it.”

“I owe Feron for what he did,” Shepard said softly. “Just like I owe you.”

“You owe me nothing, Shepard. Not a thing.”

Garrus swallowed above her, trying to recompose himself. Shepard shifted a little in his hold to get comfortable. “Liara, I need your help while I'm here. Two recruits are said to be here, and I need more information.”  
  
“Their names?”

“An asari justicar named Samara and a drell assassin, Thane Krios.”

Liara's eyes lit up as she sat forward. “Of course. The justicar is here presently; they must register where they visit to protect themselves and others legally if anything happens. The assassin I've heard some rumors about. Something about another asari for a target, some business woman. I can tell you the name my contact gave me who spoke on Krios's behalf, if you'd like, and trace the justicar's latest movements.”

“Excellent. That's just what I need, Liara. Thanks.”

“No problem. I'll forward everything to your omni-tool. Same address?”

Shepard brought her arm up, glancing at her tool briefly. “Yeah, should be. I have a new model, of course, but I can get into old files still.”

“Great. I'll forward everything this evening, then. Will you be docked long?” Liara asked, hands folded on her desk.

“Until I can get them on board, unless something happens and we have to respond to it.”

“I see. I would...enjoy having dinner, the three of us, if you'd like, during that time if possible,” their friend admitted, looking a bit tired. “Not many I can trust here. Well, I trust no one, not in this business, but...it's...stressful.”

Shepard knowingly smiled. “Sure, Liara. You pick a place, and I'll let you know when we're free.”

“I'd love that, Shepard.” Liara smiled again, relieved. “I'd love to show you some things in Nos Astra. Despite all of the dangers it can harbor, it is a lovely port.”

“So I noticed.”

Liara looked above her head, up at Garrus, a moment. “Will you ever forgive me, Garrus?”

He was silent, but Shepard heard him swallow tightly in her ear. “I...yeah. At some point. Bit raw right now. Honestly, as much as she's explained about her spacing incident, I still...struggle with blaming Joker, too. It's just going to take time.”

“That's fair. Still...friends?”

Garrus snorted at that. “Yeah. You _did_ get her back to me, no matter how it happened. That's...that's what's important.”

Liara gave him a soft, friendly smile. “I'm glad to have helped.”

Shepard shifted in his hold, straightening out from under his chin and jumping slightly as her omni-tool went off with a ping. The notification had Miranda's name on it, which meant that her XO had probably gotten the information she was waiting for about her sister's flight. “I'm sure you need to get back to it, Liara. I've got a matter I need to address with a crew member. Hang in there, okay?”

Liara nodded and rose, coming around her desk to hug Shepard again as she and Garrus both stood. Shepard felt Liara squeeze tightly and held her back. “It's okay. Thank you, Liara.”

“I...I'm still sorry. I didn't think about how...how....”

“It's okay. He'll be fine,” she whispered, but figured Garrus was still hearing them with that sharp turian hearing.

“Okay.”

Shepard let go of her friend, eyes warm. “Have a good rest of your night, okay? Ping me about dinner, and get me that information as soon as possible so I can plan.”

“Of course.”

Garrus shifted awkwardly next to them, eyes on Liara uncertainly. “I...thanks. I need some time, but...thanks.”

“Okay, Garrus,” Liara quietly nodded.

Shepard waved and spun on her heel, needing some air after the emotional turn their conversation had taken earlier. As soon as they got out of the office area, before they turned back down into the streets, Shepard grabbed him into a tight hug and kissed him, hands holding his face. Garrus groaned into it as he palmed her head and slid his other hand down her waist. When they broke the kiss, she rested her brow to his mouth. “I'm so sorry, Garrus. I'm still hearing more and more about what you went through, and it's my fault.”

“No, it's not.” Garrus held her to him lovingly despite their armor between them. “I don't blame you, babe. I never have. I just missed you so damn much. Does that...freak you out? It freaked me out a bit, to be honest. Never gone through this before, so.”

“Nah. We...really connected before I left. I can understand it. Turians who really attach to people struggle, right?”

“Yes. It's just that...usually those who...do _that_ much are mated,” Garrus admitted, voice trailing off.

Shepard looked up at him, catching the wariness and tiredness in his blue eyes. “That's okay. I'm glad you feel a lot for me, Garrus. I care a lot about you, too.”

“I...I love hearing that,” he softly whispered and kissed her briefly, eyes open. “It's a relief, Athena.”

“Same here.”

“So, we gonna have some privacy when we get back? I'm pretty stressed out right now.”

Shepard shifted as he let go of her so they could walk back towards the docking bay. “Maybe. Miranda's got an update on her situation, and I need to check into it. I promised, and Garrus, I've never seen her almost cry, so it's serious.”

“Okay. If we need to go shoot someone, that's a way to get my stress worked out, I guess,” he quipped, bumping her side a little. “You're a good friend, Shepard, to a lot of people.”

“I try, Garrus.”

“You don't have to try. It's just who you are.”  
  
  


 


	35. Miranda's Smile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Conrad.
> 
>  
> 
> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

  
  


“So we're meeting her where?”

“Eternity. A bar just up ahead. Be sure you shop around later when you get the chance, Commander. Plenty of good acquisition for the team to be had here. You might have to fight for any discounts, though,” Miranda replied perfectly in step with Shepard on her left and Garrus on her right.

Garrus snickered under his breath. “Yeah. No paid ads'll work _here_ , A.”

“I'm Commander Shepard, and you are not my favorite turian in this second.”

Shepard endured Garrus's laughter at her expense along with a surprising little smile from Miranda as they moved around some folks early in the afternoon. A small path between shops led them into the bar area, but just outside the door an angry asari was cursing loudly about a human.

“What's up?” Shepard asked her, instincts running.

“Some _asshole_ is in there claiming to be a Spectre and trying to demand the deed to the bar because he thinks they're selling red sand, and Matriarch Aethyta is about to beat his ass,” the asari replied back, arms crossed. “He thinks he's some do-gooder, but he's fucking crazy. Please _deal_ with him. For all of us.”

Something about it stirred her, and Shepard closed her eyes. “Taller human male, blond?”

“Yep.”

“You've gotta be shitting me,” Shepard hissed, hoping to hell her hunch was wrong. She'd not even _heard_ of another human Spectre since her death, but she _did_ remember one person who would act like this if pushed enough.

Miranda frowned, obviously curious as they entered the bar.

But it was Garrus behind her slightly shouting, “Oh, _ho_ , Conrad!” that had Shepard's eyes rolling back in her skull.

Shepard passed by a group of mixed people with a salarian and an asari dancer and walked right to where Conrad Verner was standing, in armor that appeared a _lot_ like hers, arguing with a seriously pissed off looking asari behind the bar.

“Like I told your 'source,' this bar doesn't sell red sand.”

“My source has evidence that you're endangering people, and I'm here to stop you despite your lies,” Conrad grunted, palm on the bar.

Shepard ground her teeth together and snapped, “Conrad, what the _hell_ are you doing?”

“Do we know him?” Miranda asked Garrus behind her.

“You don't. We do. He's a _fan_. Just wait for it,” Garrus replied with glee.  
  
Shepard looked over her shoulder just as Conrad spun excitedly. “Garrus, I can _hear_ you.”

Garrus grinned the best he could with the stupid bandage over his face. “Good.”

“Smart ass,” she sighed, nearly knocked over by the excited man as he awkwardly grabbed her arm to shake.

“Shepard! Wow! I heard you died!”

“Yeah, but I got, um. Better. Lots of health treatments saved my life.”

Conrad blew out a breath of relief. “That's wonderful! I'm so glad you're okay. Listen, I need your help, if you don't mind.”

Shepard stared him down. “Oh? You do, _Spectre_?”

The red blush brightened Conrad's face. “Yes! I wanted to be one, just like you, but no one listens! Took a lot of credits to get this armor—looks good, but it's not as sturdy, I don't think. You _inspired_ me so much! Saving the galaxy, pointing that gun in my face....”

“At one point in time did I _ever_ point a gun in your face?” Shepard demanded, angry now. She sure as fuck didn't remember doing _that_.

Conrad swallowed. “Um. Well. The...picture I took.”

“And was that gun at your face? Was it?”

“...I guess not?”

Shepard put her armored glove over her face. Garrus started laughing behind her, the shithead. Miranda coughed softly, as if trying to simultaneously not laugh and remind her they were on a tight schedule.

“Okay, Conrad,” Shepard began, rubbing her eyes. “What's going on right now?”

“This bar is selling red sand to patrons, and they're using and dying. I've got a source who can use the deed from this place to shut it down!”

The asari, Matriarch Aethyta if the asari outside was right, sneered. “I don't sell that shit, I told you that. And even if I _was_ , it's fucking legal with a license here, you idiot.”

Conrad shook his head, refusing to listen and only looking to Shepard.

Shepard took a breath, exhaled, and slightly pushed Conrad out of the way. She stared into the fixed, angry eyes of the asari behind the bar and murmured, “I'll deal with him. I'll deal with whoever is manipulating him. But I've got something important to do first. Okay?”

“You do that by the end of the night, and you get free drinks, babe.”

“I'm gonna need 'em.” Shepard leaned back toward Conrad and patted his shoulder, gripping a bit tightly even through his ridiculous armor. “All right, Conrad. I'll head this investigation for you, make sure everything's air tight. Why don't you get out of port? I bet it's been a long time since you've been home to your wife.”

“It has. I've just been trying so hard to help people where I know it's rough,” Conrad admitted, a bit sheepishly.

The sad fact was Shepard totally knew it was true. He really _did_ want to help. She glanced through her fallen red bangs and smirked. “Well sounds to me like you've earned yourself a break. Let me take over for a while in this sector, eh? I'm back and busy and doing what I can.”

Conrad smiled, immediately excited. “Really?”

“Yeah. Anything...anything for a fan.”

Garrus turned away, almost hissing out sound while trying to keep it together. And when Conrad finally waved goodbye and strode out of the bar, Shepard stared her turian man down as he broke into loud cackles right there in the goddamn middle of all the people staring at them.

Miranda smiled widely, now. “Shepard. If I weren't so worried, I'd have really enjoyed that a lot more.”

“Not a fucking word, you two. Garrus, that includes your goddamn giggles.”

“Not...not even sorry,” Garrus laughed, but put a hand on her shoulder briefly. “Ah. Good times. That fucking idiot.”

“Over here, Commander. In this private room,” Miranda reminded them, tilting her head across the way.

Shepard followed her, Garrus at her side, and she grunted lowly, “I remember you almost beating his ass once, actually. Jealous back then?”

“Thought he was a little too friendly and might attack you if spurned.”

“And Kaidan jumped in for it, too, and you stared at each other so weirdly.”

“He had the same thought, is all.”

Shepard looked to him once with a wink just before entering the room with Lantea. “I'm learning you, big guy. You were _jealous_. And it's hot.”

“Good to know,” he murmured quietly behind her.

 

 

\---------------------

 

 

“Lemme get this straight. Your dad found out about Oriana's location. You're trying to move her off planet with the new family. And you really trust this Niket to help us get them safely boarded?”

“I should be able to. He's one of the few I kept around after I fled my father,” Miranda replied to Shepard, tapping her foot repeatedly in the elevator.

Garrus watched the two, feeling the tension not between the women but inside Miranda. It was leaking all over the place in a way he'd never felt around her yet. She was always so calm. So in control. Even now while on the surface it appeared that way, her body language was anything but calm.

He could hear the bit of frustration Shepard kept in check at her throat, refusing to let it out, and he sent her a soft vibration of a subharmonic to calm her. When she looked over quickly, green eyes wide and sparkling, he knew she heard it. Garrus raised a brow plate and tilted his face, and Shepard immediately understood the bit of sympathy he offered.

Spirits knew they were all fucking stressed.

Miranda was about to snap under her veneer, and Garrus got it. He would, too, if it were Solana.

Shepard had the entire fucking galaxy on her shoulders, and that frankly pissed him off.

And he was still bouncing with hormones denied earlier that then changed to frustration, anger, sadness, and the need to beat ass. Hopefully the transfer might require a small amount of ass beating to make him feel better, too.

Minutes later, Garrus was totally satisfied in that regard. But he was seriously worried about how loose cannon Miranda had suddenly become in her state of anger.

Their landing with the car was nearly explosive before the Eclipse mercs had stopped shooting, and then he held back his itchy trigger finger while Miranda, Shepard, and the head Eclipse had argued over how they were too late: Niket wasn't helping Miranda, but helping her father obtain her sister, and the Eclipse mercs were paid by her once friend to aid him in the secure transfer.

Miranda, of course, didn't believe the Eclipse merc even though Shepard shared a look with Garrus that told him his gut wasn't the only one thinking Miranda was in denial.

And then guns were raised, Shepard shot at an explosive tank near the mercs, and voilà.

Garrus's problem was solved.

He blew through several mercs, including two deployed drones by engineers, keeping Miranda and Shepard safe as the women advanced, Shepard with her cloak to knock her pistol against the head of one of the remaining mercs.

When they rounded a corner toward an assembly line and had to keep shooting their way through, Miranda shouted, “It can't be Niket. It just can't.”

“I think you might want to give some serious consideration to the possibility,” Garrus retorted, saving the somewhat distracted woman from a biotic throw by shooting an asari in the arm, then the head.

Shepard nodded as she cleared out the next part of the path through some open crates. “He's right, Miranda. Something just feels wrong. I hope it's not Niket, but _this_ isn't on the plan, so we know something's off somewhere.”

“He'd never do this! He knows what happened to me.”

Garrus sighed, but kept going until they reached near some cargo transfers. He overloaded mechs and engineers alike, whooping loudly as Shepard's shot hit a salarian that was giving him trouble right through the eyeball and took the salarian down. “Nice one!”

They might have had a normal “date” earlier, but this was more or less a date for _them_.

“Thanks!” she called back from his ten o'clock. “Miranda, there's a vanguard coming your way!”

Miranda, at his two o'clock, breathed out and leaned over the cover to throw a solid hit of a warp, making the coming asari stumble in shock.

A hiss of an air missile teased the air, and Garrus's visor caught it just in time. “Athena, _drop now_!”

She heard him, thank the Spirits, and flattened just as it whizzed past her, then him, and into a wall behind them somewhere. Garrus quickly scanned for the owner of the launcher and found the helmeted human hiding crouched. He swapped out guns, told Shepard over his comm that he had it, and waited ten seconds as the human reloaded.

When the head popped up, missile prepared on the person's shoulder, Garrus fired. The first shot broke the shields. The follow up splattered brain matter onto crates.

Miranda cleaned out the remaining two idiots throwing flashbangs, and Shepard looked over at Garrus, a red brow arched high, impressed.

Garrus's nerves sizzled under that look, and he worried for a moment that shooting some mercs wasn't going to be the “f” required to chill him out tonight. But just by how exhausted Shepard already looked, he banked on drinks and kissing being a good back up plan just in case.

“Feeling better?” she slyly asked, looking drop dead gorgeous as she vaulted over some crates to the other side, pistol in hand.

He barely kept his jaw from dropping and swapped back for his assault rifle. Playing it cool, or trying to, he leaped over behind her with an arm out to support himself and shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Good,” his girlfriend smiled once, and then caught up with Miranda who had already taken off a bit ahead, that _Commander_ stride in place.

He waited for the confrontation, and he was not disappointed.

Shepard grabbed Miranda by the shoulder and held on tightly, green eyes burning at the blue ones shaken, yet flaring back at her while he watched.

“Hey! Stand still. Miranda, look at me. Your worry is interfering here. Your shots are off, your rhythm is gone. Stop trying to control every moment right now. Let _me_ get us there, and you worry about Oriana and follow. Okay?”

“Commander, we _cannot_ stand here talking. I'm fine. Let's move.”

“Miranda, you asked for _my_ help,” Shepard softly said, leaning close. “And I'm asking you to trust me right now. I'll get you to her. I'll stop anyone in the way. Do you trust me?”

Lawson inhaled, closed her eyes, and nodded silently.

“All right. Let's do this. Garrus, keep that visor sharp.”

“On it.”

They fought through some more mechs with a combo of his and Miranda's Overloads, electrocuting everything in the area and instantly breaking apart the damn bots. And after a few dead mercs later, they were nearly killed by a rocket from around a tight corner.

“Shit,” Miranda snarled, leaned out and fired some shots.

Shepard pushed her arm down when she stopped firing and turned her cloak on. “Let me.”

Garrus tried to catch his breath as she disappeared. He and Miranda kept out of the rocket's immediate range, the sound almost terrifying him with reminder of his own near fucking death on Omega, and then there was a loud scream, thump, and one single shot.

He peered out, saw Shepard's cloak flick off, and watched her smile at Miranda.

“C'mon,” Shepard urged, back in command and moving them onward with hand signals, making Garrus much more comfortable.

Miranda sighed next to him, still quite disturbed, but his blue eyes caught the gratitude in them aimed Shepard's way behind his girlfriend's back.

Not much further on they made out the sounds of the Eclipse head, Enyala, barking orders to stop Shepard's movements. EDI warned them about an elevator sabotage nearby, and a flood of mixed Eclipse members came from the left; they all took ready positions behind the heaviest, thickest cover they could find with the sounds of rockets already launching.

Garrus nodded to his immediate left as Shepard switched out for her Viper, and he kept with the Mattock, timing concussive shots on quick moving, lithe mercs sneaking between their focus on the heavy shooters. Miranda finished them off while Shepard sent multiple techs out, burning and stealing shielding enough to fire a few rounds from her gun.

Just as they thought to go ahead for the elevator, one last shot rang out, hidden from inside it the entire time, and Garrus blinked as the sniper's round literally zipped right by the side of his face into the crate behind him. He rolled back, breathing heavily at that surprise, and Shepard's cloak flickered next to him.

Seconds later there were two pistol shots from her gun, and he sighed in relief, running after she and Miranda into the elevator. Garrus kicked the dead human's corpse out of the cubicle, catching his breath.

Shepard took his arm and looked him over, hand on his face stroking his free mandible so damn lovingly and naturally that his heart ached. “You okay, big guy?”

“Yeah. Just spooked me. Hadn't picked up on them through all the thick steel. Sorry. Was a bit too focused elsewhere, Shepard.”

“It's all right. You're fine, and that's what I care about right now,” Shepard told him. Miranda kept punching at the elevator's side, blue eyes focused on the numbers rapidly escalating toward the destined 94. And Shepard took the moment to step on her toes and kiss Garrus once, as if to calm herself down before going over and speaking softly with her XO.

Garrus shuddered a little, happy to have had the touches.

“That Captain has got to go if she's helping my father, Shepard.”

“I'm sure she'll make herself visible and create her own opportunity for us, don't worry,” Garrus rumbled, catching Miranda's attention. “Ego motivated idiots always do. And we're almost there.”

Miranda paused, glanced to the both of them, and squared her shoulders. “I didn't...thank you for coming. Both of you. No matter what, I.... Thank you.”

“No problem,” Shepard replied kindly. “I'd say 'anytime,' but I don't think that's as reassuring since we'd rather not repeat this situation.”

Miranda snorted out a surprised, little laugh. “Yes, Shepard.”

The elevator dinged, the doors opened, and they stepped out.

Enyala stood, an enormous shotgun in her hand that looked awfully similar to one Grunt had asked equipped with, and Garrus smirked inside at his judgment call being correct.

But it was Niket's own presence that threw everything off.

Miranda raised her gun up, shaken and demanding answers to questions.

Garrus kept his rifle in his hands, watching vital signs around them for any warning spikes and itchy fingers on the handful of mercs while the pair argued.

“You stole a _baby_ , Miranda. An entirely different situation! She grew up without her family, without resources that could have been given to her. Your situation was yours, and I helped you out of it, yes!”

“I _saved_ her! Why, Niket? What could make you do this, betray my trust?”

Shepard stepped in then, naturally, pistol pointed low and brow arched. “Hold it. Thought you said this was your twin sister.”

“I was young when I ran, Shepard, and Niket helped me do it. But I also took Oriana, because what my father did to me wasn't enough—he wanted to do it _again_ , and hopefully with a more submissive daughter. Oriana is my genetic twin, absolutely. She was just created after me, and that doesn't take away what she means,” Miranda explained, blue eyes straining and a slight tic appearing at the corner of her mouth and between her brows in her frustration. “I can't believe this.”

Garrus blinked rapidly, processing it, and looked to Niket. “So you're willing to now take away this kid who only knows this other family because you think it's 'right' now? I know this shit is complicated for you humans, but Spirits, I've not heard one damn good thing about this Lawson man all afternoon.”

“He sold out, Garrus,” Miranda grunted, furious. “Father's money always finds its way.”

Niket rubbed his face. “I'm sorry, Miranda, but I really think she'd at least have a chance to her own real family. She has one already, and your father seemed to really—“

“—no. Enough. I'm sorry, Niket. I never thought this would happen, but....”

Garrus watched Miranda take aim at her once friend, and Shepard immediately put her hand on Miranda's wrist, just like she had Garrus's own with Dr. Saleon all that time ago. For a moment he was thrown back to that instance, wondering what her point could possibly be when he could only see the freedom past the red tape right in front of him. And Miranda struggled with nearly the exact same expression right then.

Shepard shook her head. “Even with him doing this, if _you_ do...you will regret it. One day, you'll look back and wonder. Just think. We stop this interference, he tells your father it all went sideways, got too unsafe for a transfer their way, and Oriana gets out free like you want. And you don't kill a friend.”

“Shepard....”  
  
"She's...she's right. I can delay him, say something. I'm sorry, Miri. I just didn't think the two situations might be exactly the same. I didn't  _know_ you'd taken her, too."

Garrus's visor caught the heart rate increase just as the asari raised her shotgun. “I get paid for the transfer. Doesn't matter who for. So I'll make your decision for you right now, Princess.”

Shepard and Garrus both moved to shoot just as Enyala fired not at them but at Niket, blasting him with shrapnel at close range. They paused as Miranda shouted, her body glowing with biotic energy, and Garrus stood in mild awe as the human lifted the asari—gun and all—into the air.

“You _bitch_ ,” Miranda snapped and flung another heavy biotic attack at the floating asari, sending Enyala far into the rear cargo docking.

“Miranda, I'm sorry,” Shepard quickly said, glancing as Garrus did with his visor to double check Niket's body once for any response.

Miranda shook as Garrus took out the nearest Eclipse member shooting their way, and they followed Shepard's formation orders, breaking apart to keep their flank protected and spread out to force the enemies to maneuver through one of three paths toward them.

“Just kill her, Shepard,” Miranda spoke over the comm, fury and a slight plea in her voice. “Don't let her out of here. She has no fucking scruples, and Oriana is likely not the only person she's 'transferred' for money before.”

Garrus's blue eyes moved once off his scope to check his girlfriend's location, and he saw her nod firmly to herself as she answered back, “She isn't going anywhere.”

“That the best you got? I'm _full_ of biotics, you Cerberus dressed slut!” Enyala shouted across the room and mild gunfire.

Shepard took the reigns immediately and kept an engineer pinned away from them. “Miranda, don't listen. You're better than her. Even down to your fucking genes.”

“Damn right, Shepard,” Miranda called out, sounding liberated.

Garrus smiled to himself and overloaded a few drones, watching the chain effect spread out to keep them safe.

Enyala tried charging toward the a few times with her shotgun and biotics, but Miranda kept her pushed back enough for breathing room, and Garrus knocked her back each time her barrier went down with the warps and burns from his squad.

It took a little while, but they got the Eclipse captain's personal guard whittled down. Shepard ordered Garrus to focus on the remaining salarian in the back hiding out, and he did while she and Miranda took Enyala on at close range; he prayed under his breath that the single loud grunt he heard on his comm from his girlfriend wasn't serious as he finally got the salarian to pop out enough for the hits.

He shifted his complete focus again, blue eyes flaming as he noticed Shepard hiding behind a crate, breathing heavily, arm over her chest and shoulder while her shielding replenished.

He didn't even think about it before he shouted out, “Babe!”

“I'm fine. Shielding took most of it. Armor got the rest. Just...bruised,” Shepard grunted again while Miranda landed a solid biotic punch right to the asari's jaw, then a follow up kick, knocking her off balance.

Garrus fired four rounds into Enyala's left arm that helped support the heavy shotgun, and she lost control of it, dropping the gun as her arm became useless.

The asari screamed in anger, and Miranda shot her in the head to silence her.

Garrus ran for Shepard, bending low to check her. “Babe, look at me.”

“I'm all right,” she said, complying. Green eyes appeared normal, just exhausted. “Help me up. Doc's gonna need to check the cybernetics on my right shoulder.”

“Glad that's all,” he admitted, but lifted her carefully under her left shoulder until she stood, settled and in command again.

Shepard looked over Enyala's corpse with a sneer. “How much farther, Miranda?”

“Through here. I think we'll make it in time if we've got them all.”

They ran, Shepard limping slightly, and Garrus snickered when she paused to grab an odd locket left lying out while she muttered something about hearing an asari crying over one in the dock by their ship earlier.

Always the helper, he thought to himself. And it always made him as proud as it made him worry for her.

Garrus slowed to a stop before the two women did, watching them converse as Miranda pointed up ahead. His turian eyes picked out the young human woman with short dark hair that looked exactly like Miranda, and he sighed out in relief, too.

It was one thing to have an assignment, read it, shoot some mercs, and go home with creds. And it was another, like Omega taught him, to see the actual victory and reason for it all right in front of you.

“Go talk to her,” Shepard encouraged softly.

“I...I shouldn't. She has no idea I exist.”

“Miranda.”

Garrus waited, proud of the Cerberus woman when she finally nodded and walked on toward the small family and her sister she'd never really met before outside of saving her. When Shepard came back to his side, he held his hand out, feeling her take it instantly.

“Thanks, big guy. Couldn't have done this without you. Hope it helped those hormones out.”

“Yeah. I'm fine. Though you could always rile me up again, you know. Didn't that Matriarch offer free drinks if we go find Conrad's source and tell them to fuck off?”

Shepard grinned at him and leaned her tired head to his armored shoulder. “Sounds like a plan, hon.”

“Think she'll be okay?” he asked as the two sisters hugged in surprise and emotional gasps.

They both caught the intense, happily broken smile upon Miranda's lips even at their distance.

Red hair teasing along his blue armor in a nice contrast, Shepard just kept leaning against him with a certain kind of smile. “Yeah, Garrus. I really think she will.”  
  


 


	36. The Assassin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

  
  
  


After helping Miranda speak with authorities and take care of Niket's body, they'd gone back to Eternity and spoken with Conrad again. They found his asari source amid some shops that had tried to manipulate them as she had Conrad himself. Miranda followed still, wanting distraction for a moment from the emotional roller coaster of the day. And Shepard went prepared with a full day's worth of stress and had strung the asari along, pretending to fall in line with the ploy, which led to the asari's arrest right near the bar. Watching assholes fall into their own problems was something she wished she could do more often.

The very public arrest, Matriach Aethyta decided, called for a fuckload of drinks all around.

Miranda agreed, thanking Shepard softly again. She'd sipped her asari wine while Shepard subtly made sure her XO was all right; Miranda seemed to have regained back a bit of her famous control and nodded.

Conrad had appeared again, nervous, and Shepard told him that he'd helped uncover a horrible woman and some underground ring...or maybe something else she couldn't later recall, but it got him through it with a smile.

And Garrus, drunk, happy, and exhausted, totally talked Shepard into buying every new fish they could find in the shops, then kissed her senseless while they watched them later swimming about.

The next day she spent shopping, all of it in preparation for her two pickups on Illium, because experience now showed her that it was _highly_ likely she was going to need guns to get every damn team member on board the _Normandy_. Miranda hung back to finish filing anything related to legally sending Niket's remains back to his home, but she did forward Shepard an email from her sister Oriana, thanking Shepard and Garrus for their involvement in keeping her safe.

Relieved, she camped out later in Mordin's lab, listening to him sing while she fiddled with upgrades on his screens, and then she moved to the armory and hung out with Jacob and Grunt, working on guns and grunting in unison over topics like recoil, power for clip size exchange, and more.

Garrus sat with her at dinner, amused when she almost fell asleep in her potatoes in the mess, and after Shepard went back in the late afternoon into the port to meet with Liara's point of contact on the assassin, finding out she needed to come back much later at night for a ride to intercept him on a job.

By that point she was exhausted, and she took some meds from a watchful Chakwas who was still unhappy about the minor bruising she still had from the day before.

Aware, she debated just who the hell she might need to grab an assassin.

For starters, there was Kasumi—a thief used to sneaking around.

But there was also Grunt—a straight heavy hitter without the bullshit and suiting Shepard's overall mood much better. It would leave them open biotically, but perhaps the krogan could make up for it.

The rest of the crew was quite busy, either dealing with their armor and weapons and so occupying much of Jacob and Mordin's collective time, or seeming still reclusive enough that with her honest exhaustion she was willing to let it go for the moment.

“Maybe we'll just pick him up after he's done or something, fuck it,” she sighed and pinged both Grunt and Garrus.

Grunt seemed eager as he followed them through the port and toward the contact's area. Shepard and Garrus smirked together as Grunt mumbled that the snooty volus customer they passed by near one of the shops was too weak an enemy _regardless_ of his “upgrades” he wanted.

“Are you ready, Seryna?” Shepard asked when they stumbled upon an asari closest to the cars in the area Liara had suggested.

The asari nodded. “Yes. I'm taking you as close as I can, and that's that.”

“That works for me.”

Shepard's brow cocked as the asari blew her breath out, but got up and gestured toward a skycar nearby, a bigger model once Seryna realized Grunt was _with_ Shepard. “I'll be honest. You could be walking into hot fire going after him, and I'm not doing return trips. Only drop-offs.”

“All the more reason for me to get _to_ him. I can help.”

“Ma'am, no offense, but he doesn't need any,” Seryna replied, and Garrus muttered that that was likely a fair assumption.

Grunt eyed the asari, sniffed, and jerked his head with a smirk. “Everyone needs a krogan.”

Shepard snickered under her breath, but held her smile back until Seryna's face finally melted, and she nodded. “All right.”

Seryna drove with Shepard in the front, Garrus and Grunt fighting for room in the back entertaining the hell out of her with their subtle elbows, rumbles and vibrations of sound at one another.

“Boys,” she grunted as the asari took a few turns. “Where are we headed?”

“Dantius Towers.”

“Danitus. Why do I know that name?” Shepard asked, tapping her chin. “Sounds damn familiar.”

Garrus laughed behind the asari and looked to her, humored. “Nassana Dantius, A. You turned her down for a fishy request on the Saren run. Said she rubbed you wrong or something. Some asari business owner near the embassies, remember?”

Shepard laughed with him. “Oh, yeah. Fuck. So much happened that I barely remember some of the finer points.”

“Just hope your enemies are worth it, Shepard,” Grunt reminded her with a not-so-subtle smack of his fist to the back of her chair.

“You saw the Horizon footage.”

Grunt nodded eagerly. “Heh, heh. Yeah.”

“All right, I'll bring you in there on the landing,” Seryna stated, eyes focused as Shepard looked forward again, a bit surprised at how huge the two tower buildings were.

Shepard exhaled. “EDI, I hope you can track him. That's a lot of space to cover.”

“Alarms have been going off, as if herding the guards, Commander. It's likely a path will be easier to spot than you think,” the AI replied over her comm softly. “But I will aid you, of course, as I can.”

“Thanks, girl,” Shepard murmured. “Seryna, you know anything about Dantius? Why would she be a target for Krios?”

“She's a bitch, plain and simple. Uses her wealth to dominate and control, treats her workers horribly, and the like. I have no pity for her getting in his line of sight, and I sure as hell hope you let him finish what he needs to do, first. Or help him, even,” Seryna replied, face scrunching with obvious distaste as she moved to land the car. “Nassana is paranoid about assassins. Use it to your advantage.”

Garrus laughed slightly as the doors opened. “She's in for a bad night, then.”

They'd barely gotten out of the car, walking towards some large glass windows and doors when Shepard's eyes bulged witnessing mechs run down salarians fleeing on the other side. She booked it on foot, pistol out with both Garrus and Grunt following her in shock. Garrus broke through the glass with a quick concussion shot, and Shepard took out one of the FENRIS mechs while Grunt's shotgun literally blew the rest apart in close range.

Shepard watched the young krogan stomp his foot down upon the back of a still crawling mech and laugh, and she shook her head, not very surprised by it.

Quickly they moved in, Garrus going left to clear the room there in case of more mechs, Shepard going right with Grunt on her back. As soon as she saw the salarian on the floor that was still alive and bleeding, she ran to him, bent, and shared some medigel.

“Here, here,” she said softly. “Should be okay. What just happened?”

“Nassana...sent mechs after us. We're just night workers! She's...she's paranoid and...and....” The salarian trailed off with a small shudder.

“Get to safety. Find others on the way if you can. We'll deal with this, okay?”

“S-Sure, human. Thank you!”

“Like I said,” Garrus murmured as they went around a corner after being sure the salarian was well stabilized. “She's in for a bad night.”

“If she's rounding up her own workers, she's desperate. Means we're going to be running into fire, most likely, from mechs and mercs both. Stay sharp, both of you,” Shepard ordered, nodding when Garrus nodded firmly in turn. And as Grunt came up to her side, she had an endearing moment of memory, of missing Wrex as she sent him face first laughing into a ship full of mutilated screaming bodies running for them. “Grunt, show me what you can do in there, but don't be stupid.”

“Heh, heh, heh,” Grunt laughed, reloaded his shotgun, and snapped it ready. “I will.”

As soon as they rounded the first corners totally, mechs streamed out. Shepard and Garrus each took a side of cover, throwing out overloading tech and aiming for arms that held guns while Grunt mowed them down afterward, stomping the heads to pieces. The FENRIS mechs were kicked by the krogan, then blasted with his gun, and by the time the Eclipse mercs showed up with a couple of asari vanguards, Grunt was already charging, blasting, and punching his way through a mass while Shepard and Garrus timed their tech and shots in sync to help him.

“He's crazy,” Garrus called to her right. But he laughed all the same.

“No shit,” Shepard agreed, smiling.

The chaos caused by Grunt worked to their advantage and scattered enemies as they rounded a U-shaped bend after following him wall to wall and cover to cover through a split corridor.

By the time a handful of more mechs were cleared and Shepard had gotten a nice headshot on the last Eclipse human merc hiding in a corner away from Grunt, the poor bastard's laser dot on the krogan _shaking_ in his fear, Grunt's armor was already red and black splattered over the silver.

He paused over a mech's body, glanced back to Shepard, and waited.

It took her a second to catch why, and somewhere inside of her she felt warm approval from him _wanting_ her pride over his rampage.

“Fantastic,” she thanked him with a smirk. “Any damage on _you_ , Grunt?”

“Nah. Some scrapes. No big deal,” he replied, still very eager.

Garrus tapped her elbow with his and pointed at the ramp to the next level of the tower they were in. “Ready?”

“Yeah. Think we're close on tailing him?” she asked, watching Garrus's blue eyes narrowing as he looked about for details.

“Could be. He's likely near if there's still this many kicking about, but fifty credits says we're gonna end up distracting the majority to let him slip through.”

“Fair bet.”

“Let's go,” Grunt demanded, still twitching with a bit of the bloodrage in him.

Shepard walked past him and flicked him right on the crest of his head that was still maturing. “Hey, you. I say when we go.”

Grunt paused, smirked, and waited. “Well?”

Shepard grinned. “Go.”

“Shepard,” Grunt huffed at her and took off up the ramp, muttering that there was already activity up ahead as she and Garrus followed.

“Careful, babe,” Garrus whispered into her private channel quickly. “I see you getting attached, and he's a little unstable. And, you know, a tank krogan.”

“Oh shush. He's doing great,” Shepard responded, cloaking and running up to take out a merc that had tried to sneak up on Grunt already. She kicked the man's knee out, he screamed, and then she shot him twice before ducking next to his fallen corpse. “How's it looking, Garrus?”

“Hot. Uh, I mean, um, got some...hot activity up here.”

“You're terrible,” she teased and refocused, peering out to check Grunt's location. “Why go in a back door when you've got a krogan to smash the front down?”

“No kidding. He's kicking ass.”

Indeed, he was. Grunt chuckled over the comm and shouted loudly enough to echo through as they followed him much like they had the last level of the tower. Shepard stopped only once and looked up at the vents above her, thinking she heard movement through them. When she mentioned it to Garrus, he confirmed hearing something soft, too.

“Likely our guy,” Garrus said, relieved. “He's still alive for now.”

“Good. EDI, how are we looking here?”

The AI's voice came back over the mic calmly, alerting them to some rooms near an elevator up ahead. “One shows life signs inside of it. You'll have to bypass its lock.”

“More workers,” Garrus guessed as he flung out an overload to keep Grunt from getting swarmed a moment.

Shepard lit an asari's barrier on fire as best she could, distracting the vanguard long enough for Grunt to come up behind her with a solid punch that broke her neck and nearly came too close to Shepard's own location afterward with the momentum.

“Jesus _Christ_ ,” Shepard panted, eyes bulging a little. “Reign it in there, buddy! Remember we're here, too, yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Grunt muttered in her comm line, chastised by her comment but entirely unfazed by it nonetheless.

They moved about the L-shape of the rooms until Shepard saw the elevator ahead as EDI had forewarned. Instantly, as if reading her thoughts, EDI chimed in with, “The room with the life signs is to the left and back, Commander. Readings seem stable.”

“Good,” Shepard sighed and used hand signals to direct Garrus back behind her. “Cover my ass.”

“Can _do_.” The timbre of his voice with the very _sensual_ way he spoke the phrase nearly did her in for a moment as it tingled through her.

Shepard flicked her cloak on and Grunt took the left as she told him to before the elevator opened with some guards running out of it. Within seconds she'd disarmed one engineer of her weapon and shot the merc before any drones could be created.

Another krogan came storming out in the middle of it all, and the bounty hunter shouted at Grunt with a raw challenge.

Garrus chuckled as one of his Mantis rounds took out a heavy gunner near Shepard's right that had moved in the distraction. “That idiot has no idea. Our krogan is genetically _modified_ to kick his ass.”

“That he is. Grunt, don't get cocky, but take him down,” Shepard called out, rolling her eyes when the other krogan shouted for her to shut the hell up, _human_.

Shepard and Garrus worked to be sure the rest were cleared save for the bounty hunter, and then they watched, briefly, as the two krogan blasted away with guns against shield and barrier before they both threw the guns and just started swinging fists and cracking faces.

The bounty hunter was bigger than Grunt in height and mass, but Grunt knew _exactly_ what to do. Within minutes he'd brought the older krogan to his knees with several well placed smashes of his head and fists to weak spots on the sides of the armor.

Grunt picked his heavy shotgun back up, blasted it twice against the bounty hunter's head, and kicked the corpse to be sure.

“Very good,” Shepard told him, still a little proud. “Best not have banged up that gun too badly. Cost me a small fortune, bud.”

“I'll deal with it,” Grunt shrugged, looking like a bloody mess of a monster with those slit blue eyes staring through all the red over his face.

“Commander, the room,” EDI reminded her, and Shepard ran for it, following EDI's directions back around to the left opposite from the elevator.

Quickly she broke through the bypass with a hacking program she and Mordin had updated upon her omni-tool, and they entered to find a pair of salarian workers looking panicked, yet relieved to see them. Grunt kept watch at their backs, eyes on the elevator in case of more surprises.

“You folks okay?” Shepard asked, medigel ready. She'd offer some to Grunt, but she imagined the thick-headed krogan would have laughed her off for it.

One salarian came forward, thanking them. “I'm Daroth, and this is Shelum. Thank you for helping us, human.”

“No problem. How'd you get in here? It was locked from the _outside_ ,” Shepard asked, curious as Garrus came close, tilting his face their way.

Daroth wiped his hands over his legs. “Someone else in here saved us. Locked us in for safety.”

Shepard glanced to Garrus. “Sounds like our assassin's got an interesting moral streak.”

“Yeah, it does.”

“We cleared the way down. There were some other salarians down a couple of levels, too. Saved them from mechs. You should be able to find them,” Shepard told the pair. “Will you be all right?”

Both nodded and thanked them again, filing out to follow the trail of mechanical and organic corpses they'd left in their wake.

In the elevator, watching it ride up higher in the tower, Shepard tapped her fist to the side of Grunt's armored shoulder. “You're not doing too bad, you know, for this being your first honest round of fighting after, ah, birth.”

“Duh, Shepard.”

“Smart ass,” she retorted, stuck her tongue out at Garrus when her boyfriend snickered to her left, and then froze as the doors opened and a single merc was in front of them a bit, looking out the windows and chatting away on his mic. Finger held up to indicate silence, Shepard moved forward behind the merc with Grunt going around the right of the paneling and Garrus staying to her left, hidden by the curve of the wall with his assault rifle in his hands.

Shepard waited until she got right behind the merc and tapped his shoulder. “Hey.”

The guy spun around in shock at first, then glanced her over and grew too confident. He crossed his arms as she demanded information about the guard movements and sightings of this Krios assassin, and the merc snorted through his helmet.

“I'm not tellin' you shit, lady. What are you gonna do to me, mm?”

Shepard rubbed her face, still exhausted, and said, “It's not what I'm gonna do to you, asshole. So just answer me, and you might make it to the elevator and not be a waste of life.”

“Fuck off,” the Eclipse merc replied, a smirk in his tone over the audio of his mic.

Pissed, Shepard moved to sock him and break him into a hold, but Grunt moved first and brought his big foot up; with a harsh shove, his kick hit the middle of the human merc and sent him screaming out the glass window with likely every rib he had broken before he'd die of the fall.

Shepard stared at Grunt, again feeling back in memories like she was standing over a dead Fist and a shrugging Wrex, and she merely shook her head now as she did then. “You krogans. Always do first, ask later.”

“Eh. He wasn't gonna talk without a little pain, and it's not like it really mattered.”

“Maybe not, but I call the shots here. You got me, Grunt?” Shepard asked, green eyes mildly lit with warning as she stepped right up to his face, unafraid and needing to be sure the pecking order was still established. “When we're out here, you do as I say unless you see something I don't and tell me. Once we get some serious trust, I won't be as concerned as I am now, but know this—I always try to find a way to walk away from something with the minimum amount of lives dead if I have to kill at all. I don't run people down _just because_ I can. Okay?”

Grunt eyed her fiercely, unhappy with the criticism.

At his soft rumble, Garrus came closer, his own blue eyes fierce, too. “C'mon, Grunt. We're still tailing our target.”

“Fine,” Grunt grumbled and nodded acceptance for the moment.

Shepard sighed and moved out, grabbing a datapad off the floor to shove in her extra ammo pocket in case it could be useful somehow.

Another room full of mercs and mechs kept them preoccupied enough to almost miss EDI's message about some more life signs, and once it was cleared, Shepard located the door at the AI's remote direction, bypassed its lock as well, and blinked once at the pistol immediately held at her face.

“You're gonna wanna lower that,” Garrus warned with a subtle growl and his own rifle squared.

The armed salarian waved the pistol between the two of them in a panic, and Shepard holstered her own at that point, despite Garrus's raised brow. “Not here to hurt you. Did someone get you in here to safety? A loner?”

“Y-Yes,” another salarian answered in relief and calmed the armed one down until the pistol in her face was dropped.

Only _then_ did Garrus lower his rifle, and Shepard had no _doubt_ if the poor panicked alien had even accidentally sent a round into her shielding that Garrus could have shot him in turn with natural reflex.

The growl stopped, and Grunt appeared behind them, causing the already nervous salarians to panic more for a moment until Shepard shouted over the din, “HE'S WITH ME. He's with me. Calm down. One of you talk at a time.”

“That dead guard in the corner? Whoever locked us in here did that. We were nearly killed by the merc, and his head just exploded,” the first calm salarian explained, hands wringing together.

Garrus walked over to glance at the Eclipse corpse. He whistled, a pretty sound considering his heritage, and said, impressed, “Perfect shot. No collateral damage. He's good, A.”

“Seems so,” she agreed and looked over the salarians one more time. “Can any of you tell me anything about him?”

“Not much. He moved quick, precisely, and then was gone. If he's going for Nassana, I can't say I'm too upset. Hope he gets his shot,” one of them snapped, angry and bitter about being rounded up.

Shepard didn't blame him at all.

They left them to safety once the salarians assured them a calmer one of them would be handling the pistol on their exit, and Shepard heard Nassana's voice come echoing over the tower PA, bitching at whomever it was that was decimating her guards.

“It's Shepard. Get it right,” Shepard replied back over a terminal, and Garrus cackled when Nassana gasped loudly then barked more orders to prepare.

Outside was a crossing point to the other tower where Dantius was obviously hiding. Shepard wasn't sure how Krios had gotten across, to be honest; there were rocket drones, mercs and mechs the entire way of the open bridge, and she and Garrus _both_ fought brief flashbacks of Omega just trying to get through.

Garrus kept the drones occupied until he destroyed them for her while she and Grunt tag-teamed and swept through, literally, Grunt's charge knocking bodies off the ledges to the air.

Up some stairs they encountered one last pair of asari, no doubt the last Nassana had to offer at that point considering the body count Shepard, Garrus, and Grunt had already wracked up by then. Shepard used her cloak, distracted one of them, and with Garrus's help took her down while Grunt concussed and shot the other asari until she didn't get back up.

When Shepard bypassed the lock and entered the room with Dantius, her brow rose.

Nassana stood in the middle flanked by two guards, looking for all the galaxy like a villain out of an old spy vid; her hands were even clasped, face in condescending annoyance glowering, and Nassana sighed in disgust.

“All right, Shepard. Who hired you? Was it my sister you failed to deal with before?” Nassana snapped angrily, the asari's natural biotics flaring just enough around her in warning.

Shepard couldn't help it. She laughed a little. “Still pissed I ignored you then, huh. Sounds like I made the right call.”

“Shut up,” Nassana yelled. “Who _sent_ you?”

Grunt brought his gun up as one of the guards came closer, and Garrus made a soft noise that Shepard caught—the very softest warning he could send her just before her own bit of enhanced hearing caught the slight tumble of sound above them.

He was here. Krios was _here_.

Shepard stalled, arms crossing in display to wait for him, and muttered, “You still think it's _me_ that's here for you?”

Nassana looked incredulous. “Isn't it? You killed everyone I've hired, you bitch.”

Shepard's green eyes flicked to the two hesitating guards at her side. “Not everyone. And they weren't all my kills. See, Grunt here is fucking dangerous if he gets going.”

“I don't care about your pet,” Nassana spat, though she did back away a little more at the nasty snarl sent her way from Grunt.

“He's no _pet_ ,” Shepard said softly. Darkly.

Seconds later Shepard tried to keep her calm. Tried to keep her eyes from widening at the sight of the sleek body encased in tight black as it fell from the ceiling behind Nassana and her guards, and Shepard saw, for the first time in her life, a drell in the flesh.

Utterly gorgeous and muscled as he stood upright, Shepard ignored Nassana's next rant as she watched him move like water to snap one guard's neck silently, incapacitate the second and take the guard's gun just as Dantius finally spun around in shock for Krios to shoot her with it in the high stomach angling up into her heart and hold her back against the desk.

Shepard's jaw dropped. A little.

It was just all so _smoothly_ done.

“You...who...?” Nassana gasped out as she died, mercifully quiet for once.

Shepard looked to Garrus, noted his own impressed expression, and turned back as Krios with his beautiful green and yellow coloring closed his black eyes and began to pray. She waited, not disturbing him, and when he finished he stared right at her. Blinked. And Shepard realized he had _two_ sets of moving eyelids.

“Cool,” she spoke aloud, the artist inside of her enthralled. "Why'd you pray?"

“Interesting first word to choose, Commander." Krios smirked. Just a little. "I prayed for forgiveness for the wicked after the hunt, as always. And I should thank you...you made getting to my target a bit of a different challenge than I expected.”

“The wicked, huh? Her? Or you?"

Krios didn't reply, but the expression was easily readable that he considered  _himself_ and his actions in part of his strange morals already exhibited tonight with the night workers.  
  
"Anyways, I wasn't here for her,” Shepard continued as Garrus and Grunt both locked in their guns on their backs. “I'm here for you.”

One green, single scaled brow arched handsomely.

“I mean, I'm here to recruit you,” she reiterated, blushing hotly and feeling entirely fucking embarrassed and aware of Garrus's frustration next to her with his sudden change of stance. Even Krios caught it, his dark eyes quickly darting to Garrus for that moment before she spoke again, saying, “I'm working for Cerberus temporarily to go after the Collectors—they're abducting my people in colonies by the thousands, and if that's not enough, we're worried humans won't be the only target. They're tied to the Reapers somehow.”

Thane Krios tilted his head once, then slowly nodded. “I've heard of what you speak. If this is all indeed true, then your quest sounds like a noble one. There is, however, one problem you should be aware of.”

Shepard put a hand on her hip. “And that is?”

“I'm dying,” Krios admitted quietly.  
  
Surely not. He was in better shape than  _she_ was.

When no one spoke at first, all surprised, Garrus finally sputtered out, “What the hell do you _mean_ by that? I just watched you take three people out and barely blink.”

“It's nothing contagious, but it is degenerative and in the early stages,” Krios spoke to Garrus, hands sliding behind his back to stand proudly in his sleek leather outfit. “We can discuss it aboard your ship, should you wish Commander, in further detail.”

“Sure. You ready? Our ride was, uh...one way here.”

Krios blinked that double way again and nodded. “Follow me. I can get us a car.”

As he walked out toward the bridge area, explaining the construction still going on within the tower they stood in, Grunt followed him closely, and Shepard looked to Garrus, very aware of the nervousness her turian boyfriend was feeling at the sight of the attractive, competent alien.

And Shepard reached behind the backs of the drell and krogan and took his hand tightly for a moment, squeezing it until his blue eyes softened again, until he understood the message of security in her green eyes.

   


 


	37. Sleep By Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

  
  


He was tall, lean and muscled, humanoid and covered head-to-toe in tight black leather. His head was green and scaled with variations of yellow and black, and his huge dark eyes scanned each room as he entered while also drawing  _every_ bit of female attention at the same time.

He was a drell and not a turian. An assassin, regardless of morals.

And Garrus  _didn't_ like him.

Personally, he imagined Thane Krios to be a probably likable person, as far as those in his field of operation went, but at the moment all Garrus could think each time he passed the drell and endured the aroused scents of females on the ship around him clinging about in the air was that he  _didn't_ like him.

Okay, maybe it was just insecurity.

Probably.

Definitely.

Because while Shepard  _wasn't_ giving off those arousal pheromones near the drell (thank the fucking Spirits), Garrus caught her eye scan the assassin once or twice regardless. Now, knowing what he does of his girlfriend, it was likely her artistic brain capturing details to draw him later, as she'd told Garrus she'd kept up tradition from the  _SR1_ on drawing portraits of her crew to have. Even so, some strange part of his brain argued with his rationality, and it was starting to drive him  _insane._

A few fast extranet searches answered his questions, as he found them almost word-for-word keyed into other forums from other turian males jealous and territorial and afraid of their odd new behaviors causing dissonance and issues with partners. A medical forum he read responses from indicated that he was just as likely as the enquirers on it to be going through a hormonal change often indicated when a deep enough bond was being established, old instincts left over from days of fighting for mates and cementing biological ties to mates during the precarious courting times.

It helped to know he wasn't just crazy, going from a personality where he definitely wouldn't have just  _disliked_ an alien for breathing the same space as his girlfriend to one where he was feeling constantly low-key edgy, almost bouncing when standing still, as if ready to  _fight_ something at any given time.

It was...weird.

Nonetheless, he was entirely fucking grateful that Shepard seemed to catch his immediate discomfort when they'd picked Krios up, and she continued giving him audible and physical cues backed up by her calm scent through that night, electing to speak with Krios about his medical condition along with Chakwas in the medbay, and helping the drell settle into his place on the ship with professionalism Garrus was glad to see. It was nice to, if only for a moment, feel back on the first  _Normandy_ when she was  _very_ professional all the time with everyone but himself toward the middle and end of the run.

Garrus trusted her to his core. After  _everything_ in their lives the last few years, he absolutely did, and he told her so that night when she sat in his lap near the main guns as they stretched over his cot together, enjoying the quiet.

And Shepard had understood his meaning and told him she felt the same—that she trusted  _him_ just as much.

It was relieving enough to let him sleep peacefully through the night and wake to her asking for Krios and Goto to aid in her acquiring the justicar. Garrus waited in line for his special breakfast from Gardner, as he'd had groceries and things imported onto the ship through Nos Astra shops for himself.

Goto flirted a bit with a flustered Taylor, and Garrus could only even tell that much based on their bodily behaviors and sounds mostly. He watched though, amused, and tossed his head in greeting as Shepard came up to him in her armor.

“Ready?” he asked, knowing eyes were on them in that moment and so held back his lower trill of greeting.

Shepard nodded, red hair falling into her face a moment before she brushed it back behind an ear. Garrus could tell it seemed slightly longer, curling below her chin against her neck. It was also silky soft, and he knew that because he touched it every chance he got; it wasn't a texture he felt often, and how it grew  _out_ of her species, he didn't know. But he liked it.

Krios entered the mess. Garrus noted that Taylor gave the drell a skeptical look of distrust, and though he remembered Shepard explaining Jacob's concerns about having an assassin on board, it was sorta nice to have someone else not immediately welcoming the drell with open arms and hearts. Or very eager womanly parts.

They needed to get over the differences, though. All of them did. The distrust between Miranda and Jack, Zaeed and the rest, and concerns about Grunt's aggression was going to tear their unity apart if they  _did_ face the Collectors soon.

“Should be good. I need to talk to an officer in the port, since our asari has to register whenever she goes somewhere for legal purposes. Shouldn't be hard to track her from there.”

“Yet, I see you're armored.”

“Do  _you_ think it'll be that easy, Garrus?”

Garrus snickered and tapped his foot to the back of her calf close to him. “Nope.”

Shepard rolled her mirthful green eyes up at him, and her smile made his heart stutter. “Exactly, big guy. I'd take you with me, but I've not really had Kasumi out with me much, and I'm curious to see how Krios behaves with a  _unit_ as opposed to always being on his own with work.”

“Fair enough, A. I get it,” Garrus assured her, nodding. “I've got calibrations to run on the guns anyway.”

“Uh-huh. That's what you always say, every time I run in to talk to you. 'Can it wait for a bit? I've got some calibrations.'”

Her teasing voice roused his flirtatiousness as the room emptied a bit more toward the tables rather than their spot in the kitchen, and Garrus gave her a brief sultry look that had her eyes widening and scent changing so  _deliciously_. “Maybe I'm always calibrating so I'm not doing  _other_ things to deal with the fact that your new armor looks  _fantastic_ on your ass.”

Shepard's cheeks reddened, and she winked at him. “I know.”

“I  _know_ you know. You strut, woman.”

“That I do, just for you,” she laughed, glancing about and pouting when she noticed they weren't entirely alone. “I'd give you a goodbye kiss, but, yeah.”

“It's fine. Just make out with me when you get back, and we call it even,” Garrus replied, brow raised and rumble in his chest starting at the hot look in her eyes.

Shepard smiled, poked his shoulder, and whispered under her breath as she strode away with that  _strut_ of hers, “Best be upstairs when I get back, big guy.”

Blue eyes roamed her as he shook his head to himself, whistling quietly and wondering if he maybe needed a nice freezing shower to chill his hormones out.

 

\--------------

 

Nothing,  _nothing_ , about any of this was easy. She couldn't just get someone on her squad and go deal with the  _actual_  problem of the Collectors and Reapers. Oh, no. She had to first do what seemed to be a thousand fucking errands for each of their asses just to get them onto her fucking ship, and then deal with consequences of attacks already in progress.

It was bullshit, and she was getting  _very_ over it.

Thankfully there was no other dossier on her desk at the moment, and that was a good thing, as Shepard honestly wouldn't have given two fucks about the bastard to see what  _they_ needed to join her, too.

Zaeed had spoken with her that morning through messages about someone named Vido and some planet he had business on, and while walking through Nos Astra itself, Kasumi had mentioned some bit about a party she wanted Shepard to attend undercover for something seriously important (or so she said).

Krios,  _thankfully_ , was just quiet, watching her often as they walked, as if trying to understand a question he was too polite to ask.

Naturally the justicar hadn't been able to just walk back to the ship with them. Instead, Shepard and her team had had to beat ass through a ton of Eclipse mercs, including a lying asari they shot and later were redeemed for doing so upon discovering her identity as the murderer of a nearby volus. They'd had to kill  _several_ people in a single afternoon just for one thing: a ship name. Just a ship name. Just a ship name that Samara, the justicar, needed to continue hunting some “prey” of hers that Shepard figured she'd  _also_ be helping track down later, too.

Samara  _was_ different, though, in that she was so calm. So very, very calm and collected, like what Mordin could be if he spoke a lot slower with his ability to heal in one second and kill in the other. In Samara's case she could be greatly justified in one moment and not so much in the next based upon an ancient code she was bound to by simply being a justicar. A code that didn't entirely include situational nuance in its practices, either.

She'd vowed to protect Shepard and pledged herself to their cause, and she'd done so  _literally_ , doing some sort of biotics in that vow that made Shepard's brows go up along with Kasumi's next to her. The asari detective that had been detaining Samara for them politically had merely expressed interest in the moment, letting Shepard realize truly how big an honor it was to have Samara do so.

But now after  _all_ of that and other errands she ended up running before getting back on board, she was tired and wanted a shower. She didn't want to think of all the menagerie downstairs of complaints and wants and demands when they had bigger fucking fish to fry.

After a second late night chat with Samara to be sure the justicar was settling in well, Shepard passed out with an apologetic text to Garrus.

She woke later though, startled to EDI's voice urgently calling her name. Groggily she became aware that her heart rate was elevated and breathing was mildly difficult. The hellish nightmare of her friends in Collector stasis containers being torn apart was most certainly the cause.

“I'm...I'm up, EDI,” she coughed out, wiping her face as she sat up in bed.

At the far end of the cabin, near the door, EDI's little holo platform was blinking and shimmering. “Commander, may I call you medical attention? Your vitals have been rising rapidly and dangerously for several minutes.”

“It's fine. I'm okay. Just bad dreams.”

“I will wake Ms. Chambers,” EDI began and almost popped out of existence.

Shepard quickly tossed her covers off her and jumped up the couple stairs that led down to her bed. “No, no. Don't. I don't want to wake her up and talk to her about my anxiety.”

“What can I do for you, then?”

“Just...waking me was enough. Thanks, EDI. I'll handle it now.”

“If you're certain, Commander.”

Shepard nodded at the holo representation of the AI, not caring if it could be seen or not. “Give me some time.”

“Of course. EDI, out,” the soft voice said as the holo finally flickered off.

Shepard walked into her bathroom and looked over her sink, splashing her face to further wake. She was still seeing Liara, Tali and her mother silently screaming from inside those pods, eyes begging for help. The worst part of the dream had been Garrus being taken from her and eaten somehow by a praetorian construct as husks tore him apart with their hands. Shepard blanched, turned, and vomited into the toilet. After another round of emptying her already empty stomach, she groaned, flushed it, and brushed her teeth, swallowing down lots of water.

Slowly she slid to the floor against her fish tank, head hanging over her arms around her knees. Trembles wracked her smaller frame. So much pressure, so much danger. And if she thought about it, really thought about it, the phrase “suicide mission” popped up so much with the crew that she now sat, damn near crying. Did that mean they really only had this bit of time left to live before dying soon?

Green eyes opened defiantly, glaring across the room.

“No,” she whispered aggressively. “I will do everything I can to prevent it. I can't let them all die. There's got to be more we can do, more improvements. More reasons to hope.”

Shepard remained on the floor a few more minutes, exhausted as her brain tried so many ideas and scenarios that she couldn't handle it anymore. A quick check of the holo-clock near the bed indicated the time to be about one in the morning of the night cycle. She debated a second, then sent a ping to Garrus. Just like she'd told him not to be afraid of waking her when he needed, he'd reassured her to do the same.

A couple of quiet minutes passed, leading her to figure he was zonked out, but her tool lit up, brightening her face.

 _You okay?_ He asked in text.

 _No_.

Instantly the tool flickered with an incoming voice call notice. Shepard smiled a little at his quick response then, answering the call in relief. “Garrus.”

“What's wrong, babe?”

“Sorry I woke you.”

“Don't be. What's wrong?”

Shepard rubbed her eyes tightly. “I had nightmares so bad EDI had to wake me up and ask if I needed medical attention.”

Garrus was silent a second. Then, quietly, she heard him say, “I'll be right there.”

“It's okay, I just...you were....” Shepard trailed off, voice catching roughly in her throat. She felt hot emotion wash through her.

“I'm on my way. Hang on.”

Shepard disconnected the call, unlocked her door, and walked back over to sit on her bed's edge tiredly. She was so drained anymore, running around like Saren's shit all over again only with all of these dead or missing people haunting her. Even more pressure, in a way, having been brought back to awareness in life and told “save us all or we're doomed” from the start. Hell, it felt like some contract with the Devil. And the Devil right now was a certain cigarette-wielding CEO.

The door hissing open caught her attention; her eyes wandered upward as she let her robe slack some to be comfortable, thankful for her night shorts and camisole being comfy. Garrus strode into the room, turning a second to lock it behind him. Red brows rose up on her face as she considered what that might mean, but before she could ask he moved toward her. He wore some sort of clothing she hadn't really seen before, but knew he'd bought recently in one of the Illium shops. The soft blue top was form fitting on him in a different way from his dress clothes, while his pants were actually a bit looser—almost like turian versions of sweats. He stepped down the stairs, blue eyes worried as he focused on her.

Shepard looked back at him unsure, momentarily confused as to why he looked so sad, before she realized she was crying a little silently. “Shit, sorry,” she grunted and wiped her eyes. “Stress is getting to me.”

“Has to some time,” he murmured, hand lowering to stroke her cheek. “Glad you woke me, babe.”

“Okay.”

Garrus moved to sit next to her, sliding one arm around her back. “Tell me about the nightmare.”

“Well, it was like Horizon but different. Started with my family and friends all hanging out. Some kind of gathering for a celebration thing. Collectors showed up, lasers destroying everything and slaughtering people. They put me in a stasis field and moved me to watch so I could see, but not help, as they put some important people to me in those pods. Garrus, they looked like they were trying to scream and couldn't.” Shepard whimpered and hung her head. “The worse part was they moved me again. Forced me to w-watch....”

“Watch what?” he asked quietly.

Shepard turned and curled into him. “They tore you apart on the ground. Ripped your limbs off, all kinds of things like that. I saw husks break open your carapace and dig into you. They took pieces of your muscles off and ate them.”

“Fucking Spirits,” Garrus said in shock. Shepard choked a little and felt herself being moved as Garrus lifted her to the top of the bed. Slowly he stretched his legs out and lay her over him against his chest, his hands resting on her lower back. “I'm so sorry, baby.”

Shepard just shook there for a few minutes, trying to get out of the melancholy and struggling. With him near she felt strong enough to at least vocalize her fears. “I don't want to die again, Garrus. I want to live with you after this, but everyone...we know it's not likely.”

“Getting Saren wasn't possible either. Stopping Sovereign was impossible once, but you did it. I did it with you.” Garrus hushed her, face rubbing her gently. “Don't write survival off yet. And even if it's not looking that way, this time with you now...I'll take it.”

“I know. There's just so much at stake with too many unknowns again. It's not something a person should be able to handle on this scale twice.”

“True. That's what makes you the best, Shepard, but I don't like it.” Garrus growled a little in the dark above her. “Babe, I...I love being with you here, but I hate what's going on. I hate this running all over the place again. I hate seeing you so run over and stressed all the time. Sure, we can say it's like good old times, and sometimes that's true, but deep down...you're right. We've done enough of it for a lifetime. I just want some peace. Some quiet. Maybe a day job where I still get to punch someone now and then.”

“Could always go back to C-Sec,” she teased, fingers stroking a little over his shirt and carapace. “You could be the second human-lover turian in Chellick's department.”

“Dad would be so proud of me going back, then find out I'm with a human and lose his mind. Sounds like a deal.”

“Still rough with him, huh,” Shepard murmured, tilting her face up and resting her chin against his cowl some.

Garrus's blue eyes glittered a bit in the light from the tanks. “He...cares. He just doesn't show it well anymore. Kept trying to get me work on Palaven, screamed at me to get a grip. I mean, he was right in that I needed one, but what he suggested wasn't going to help me. That's another reason I left. I had to get out from under him again.”

“He must worry about you a lot.”

“I...probably.”

“Garrus, when was the last time you called home?” Shepard asked in concern. “Your family needs to know you're okay, hon.”

“A few weeks ago I got a message from Dad. Said he heard rumors you'd been spotted and wanted to warn me that my 'friend' had lied to me, probably under Alliance cover, about dying. Used me.” His mandibles clicked a little as he twitched. “I told him I have a stable job on a ship with you, non-Alliance, and that yes it's really you and you'd been treated while everyone wrote you off for dead. Told him I can't say more than that for now, but that I wasn't gonna tolerate any more offensive shit aimed at you or me.”

“Well that has to help a little, doesn't it?”

“I don't know, Shepard. Dad replied back demanding details anyway while my sister messaged me furious that I wasn't home dealing with Mom.”

Shepard blinked confusedly. “What's going on with your mother?”

“She's...sick,” he said and looked away.

Instantly she shifted into straddling him and rose up. “Garrus, are you telling me that your mother is ill and you're not home with her? Seriously, we can get you transport from Illium or something for a while.”

“No!” Garrus almost shouted, voice shaking. At the wild look in her eyes, he swallowed. “I-I mean...no. I can't.”

“Why not, hon?”

He keened a little, the sound tearing her heart. “I just can't, A.”

“Garrus, talk to me.”

“Fine. If I leave you and go home, I'm going to watch my mother deteriorate more and more everyday until she dies in an awful way, all while knowing I'm not on your six protecting you...being with you.” Garrus sighed, looking so sad that she stroked his face and held it in her hands. His blue eyes searched hers. “Shepard, don't get me wrong. I love Mom and I want to be there for her, but...before I left I could see the signs of her random illness weren't temporary. When I got the diagnosis message on Omega, it just confirmed my fears. And after everything? I'm not leaving your side again on this mission. I can't. Don't ask me to.”

“What's wrong with her?”

“It's called Corpalis syndrome.” Garrus closed his eyes. “I don't know how long she'll have. Doctors have said a couple of years—a couple of years ago. I know she wants me healthy and happy. That's what she said in her message. That she understands that I'm doing whatever it is that I have to do. I, um...finally told her a little about us before I left. She seemed supportive, kept it secret. Haven’t told her about the updates on that yet.”

Shepard's jaw dropped a little. “Hon, you should at least see her before we finish this, if possible.”

“I'll vid call her sometime. I have been responding in messages somewhat—not often, because it kind of kills me to do it.” He shrugged under her. “Makes me a terrible son, I suppose, but I always knew that.”

“You're not a terrible son. You care. You have to care a lot if this terrifies you so much, honey.”

Garrus shook a little. “There isn't anything I can fucking do, but they expect that. Like me coming home would mean she's cured or some bullshit. It's a death sentence, Shepard.”

They stared at one another briefly in silence, him considering her as she was obviously in deep strategic thought. Finally she rubbed her fingers over his brow and crown, stroking gently. “How much of my money do you have left, if any?”

“I...fuck. I'm sorry. I should have had it transferred as soon as possible, but I...honestly forgot about it,” he replied, looking absolutely ashamed. “You must hate me.”

“I don't care, Garrus. I just want to know a figure.”

“Um. I only spent what I had to for travel, the apartment and supplies for the team over most of the time you were gone. So...about two-thirds, still. I've been using some lately to get our weapons and upgrades when you can't afford them or don't get them for yourself,” he admitted quietly, eyes slowly traveling up to hers. “That okay? I'll transfer all of it for you. You should be using it anyway. I'm sorry, A.”

Shepard gave him a soft smile. “I'm not mad, silly. I have an idea.”

“Oh?”

“Tomorrow I want you to go and talk to Mordin. Ask him if he knows any salarian medical groups or scientific groups who would be willing to study the Corpalis in detail and find any better treatments or possible fixes in conjunction with some turian counterparts. If he knows of any such possibilities, tell him you'll throw...a fourth to a half of your remaining money I gave you at them for it to start,” Shepard suggested, nodding as she finished talking. “Yeah. At least that way you can try to help in some real sense and maybe help others in the process. You can do something for her or in support of her that your family can't do.”

Garrus stared at her in beautiful wonder. “You'd...let me give up most of that money to do this, if they would try?”

“Yes, honey.” Shepard bent and kissed him, enjoying how connected she felt to him in that moment. Brow against his, she looked closely into his handsome icy eyes. “I may have a galactic duty, but on a personal level, all I want to do is make you feel safe, secure and happy, Garrus. I want you to see how great a person you are, even if you can't.”

“You....” Garrus choked roughly and let his hand run up her back, sliding around and tightening his hold on her. “I've never felt so much for someone in my entire life, Shepard. I don't deserve you.”

“Yes, you do. I promise.”

Mandibles lifting slightly in a turian smile she recognized, Garrus looked her over and lightly shook his head. “You're everything to me, Athena. You're so...so beautiful.”

“Same to you, gorgeous.”

“Heh,” he snorted in good humor. “You know, if someone had told me that this human I was curious about back before we met was going to change my life, make me a better male and care about me more than anyone else...give me the support and romance I never thought I needed, well. I probably would have thought them insane until I met you.”

“Why until then?” she asked, face tilted and fingers teasing along his fringe a little.

Garrus rumbled at her touch there, eyes catching hers. She knew it was an erogenous zone. She hadn't forgotten. That was why Shepard smirked back at him. “Because, A. The first time we met I was just wowed by you. You greeted me like a turian, which confused the hell out of me. Looked me always in the eyes, unlike most humans. Treated me like an equal right away. I...always wondered something.”

“What's that?”

“When we first met, I was dealing with Pallin. Even during my argument with him, I noticed you...staring at me. A lot. At first I thought maybe you had been told about me being a hothead and were just watching or...or you hadn't seen many turians closely before because of the Alliance work.”

Shepard quickly blushed and glanced above his head, teeth biting a little on her lip.

Garrus rumbled again, slick tongue coming out to lick her neck some. “Mm. That reaction means neither of my theories. Spill, babe.”

“I, uh. You know.”

“Nope.”

“ _Garrus_ ,” she whined, embarrassed as he forced her to look back at him.

“What?” He suddenly smirked, blue eyes lighting up excitedly. “Wait a damn minute. You...you were _checking me out,_ weren't you!”

Shepard coughed and mumbled out a small, “Yeah.”

“Damn! See, with you being human, I couldn't know if there's differences in some of that behavior, but I remember wondering why you were looking at me so intensely. Made me feel strange. All twitchy.” Garrus chuckled, a quick smile gracing his mandibles as he licked her again. “Mm. That's cute, Shepard.”

“Oh, shut up.”

“Really thought I was hot, huh.”

“You still are, dummy.”

“Oh?”

Shepard rolled her eyes and laughed. “I told Miranda that you're still fucking gorgeous, but before your injury you were like a turian model. Just breath-taking. Now you'll be a real bad boy with those scars...and a war hero. Rugged instead of dashing. Dangerous combo, Garrus.”

Garrus lifted his brow plates in surprise. “How...would you be able to tell? I mean, even with your...fetish? Should I call it that?”

“Let's go with attraction, Garrus. For starters, I studied turian anatomy quite a bit in sketching back when. Got to flip through lots of models and 'peak' males and females for portraits, and you sure as fuck look like you fit in there. And I could also tell because every time we resupplied, I'd catch female turians checking you out. Even some asari occasionally.” Shepard stroked his left cheek and continued, figuring boosting his ego wouldn't make him go too crazy with the pride. “You know hon, besides feeling...fated, the reason I crushed on you so hard was that I couldn't believe you were such a catch and still single. You're expertly trained in weapons and tech, you're highly capable in combat with sniper rifles or hand-to-hand, and you're quick-thinking, adaptable and able to change your biases. On top of all of that, you're an amazing friend and just fucking sexy. I couldn't believe you wanted to be on my ship, on my crew, and hell yeah I agreed and fought for it—that meant I could be around you all the time, work with you, learn and, yeah, check you out whenever I wanted to without seeing turian females glare at me for it.”

By this point Garrus's jaw had dropped open a little, mandibles fluttering a slight bit. He finally closed his jaw with a swallow. “Um. Wow. Didn't...didn't know I was...that great a catch. I dated a little when I started in C-Sec, but got too sucked into the job to keep up the energy for all the extra drama that came with dating. Dad and Solana, my sister, always tried hooking me up after that. They'd message me about mating offers or political mating possibilities if I wanted. I just...always assumed I got them because of my clan name and my dad's reputation, not because _I was_ that desirable. Of course, even without me always saying no, half the time the offers were withdrawn when they caught wind of how rebellious I was at work. Majority of turians like to go with the flow, follow orders, even bad ones. I'm not that way.”

“No, you're not, and that's one thing I adore about you, big guy. Also stop using the past tense. You still _are_ that desirable, Garrus. Seriously.”

“Hmm,” he said in thought, eyes narrowing into a slightly sexual appraisal of her. “So, now that I think about it, I wasn't just amazingly lucky to have you in my lap on Feros, was I?”

Shepard flushed warmly. “Um.”

“Plan that a little when we picked up that other human, eh?”

“I...might have enjoyed the idea, and well, it worked tactically,” she explained with a shrug despite her very hot, red cheeks. Shepard had _loved_ those brief minutes fighting in the old Mako while he drove and she sat in his lap working the guiding systems and rockets.

Garrus almost purred, the sound vibrating so similarly. “Well, baby, don't worry. I _really_ enjoyed that.”

“Yeah?”

“ _Yeah_.” Garrus shuddered a little. “Shepard, it took all control I had to not just.... You felt so good, smelled so damn good, and never lost your focus while we got back across the bridge. One of the sexiest things I've ever seen.”

“Garrus,” Shepard laughed wholeheartedly. “Wow.”

“Mm,” he rumbled and kissed her, hands slowly rubbing into her thin clothing. Shepard gasped a little, the last bit of her that wasn't turned on now fully flicked that way. Garrus nibbled on her neck and pulled her tighter, hips lifting below her in a slight grind. She moaned as she felt him slide out under her a little, his hardness now somewhat pressing deliciously against her core through their clothes. She loved knowing she could bring him out like that in a way different from human men. Garrus kissed her briefly. “There's nothing I love more than having you in my arms like this.”

“What about when we...you know?” she asked a bit excitedly. She was tired, but honestly if he was ready, she would be completely fine with it tonight. Any night. Shepard was now becoming aware at just how long she'd gone without sex—well beyond two years—and it was like her body suddenly couldn't handle the lack anymore.

Garrus groaned at the idea. “Okay. That might make this number two.”

“How...are you feeling about that stuff, Garrus? Still okay?”

“Nervous. I want to be sure I'm...it's not that I'm not ready, not in an emotional sense. It's more like I want to be...prepared. Know some of the big differences and what I can do for you,” he quietly admitted, tongue licking along her jaw. “Everything we've been doing like this has helped a lot. Given me confidence. I'm...I'm getting close to it, Shepard, I am.”

“No pressure. I wanted to be sure you were still comfortable.”

“I'm fine, babe. Do you...are you ready? Am I waiting too long for you?” he asked worriedly, pulling back to gaze at her. “If you...need.... Damn it, just, um...tell me and I'll just wing what I've been researching. I want you satisfied and happy, especially when...I'm not stupid, Shepard, I know that fucking assassin's got a voice kinda like mine and a more, a more compatible body that even fucking Cerberus females can't stop staring at in that fucking suit of his, and it fucking scares me a little that it won't work with us somehow and it'll be awkward, so then you might get interested in him being on the ship in tight quarters, and if that happens, I might _kill_ him.”

Garrus was breathing rapidly by the time he growled out the last part. She blinked slowly in her shock, hands holding his face. From the tone of his last words, she knew it wasn't a joke. At all. 

“Woah there, hon. Slow down. I barely know him, Garrus, and I've been emotionally involved with you for a long while before we even got together. No competition.” Shepard smiled reassuringly, fingers teasing along his fringe again. “I'm just fine, Garrus. When you're ready, we'll...be ready together, and it will be perfect.”

“You sure?” he asked skeptically.

“Yes, hon.”

“Okay.” Garrus kissed her briefly. “Won't be much longer, I promise. I don't think I could handle it anyway. Every time we get close like this now, it just gets harder and harder not to. I've had dreams of being inside you, what I can imagine it'll be like, anyway.”

“I understand that all too well.” Shepard gave a slight yawn despite feeling her hormones go crazy at his words and covered her face politely.

Garrus smiled a little. “Ready for sleep again?”

“I think so.”

“Okay. I'll let you be,” he said, mouth pressing to her brow.

Just as he went to lift her off of him, Shepard pushed him back into the pillows, letting his fringe rest over top of them. “I'd feel like a bitch if I just let you go sleep on your cot after waking you up and talking for a while.”

“That so?” he asked, voice deliciously curious and eyes even more so.

“How would you feel about...staying up here for tonight? Just sleeping, of course,” Shepard asked the question a bit nervously, feeling all kinds of craziness in her stomach right then. “I could set an alarm for you to go down a tad before the shift change and give yourself some personal time before we start the day.”

“Hmm.”

“If you'd rather not or want to wait on anything like that, it's fine. I don't wanna pressure you, like I said before.”

Garrus debated a moment or two, making her absolutely nervous, before he gently touched her face. “I...would honestly love it, Shepard. It's been a fantasy of mine for a while. Is that dumb?”

“Nope. It's been one of mine, too.” Shepard leaned forward and pressed a very warm kiss to his mouth. “Okay, I'll let you get comfy. Not sure how you usually sleep, so.”

“Hm? Oh, lately fully clothed. It's been a bit chilly for me. Just used to the heat, being turian,” he explained. “I also don't move a whole lot, just so you know. At least not often.”

“Want me to have EDI adjust the heat in here?”

“Nah.” Garrus raised a brow slightly. “We can...keep each other warm instead.”

Shepard grinned, kissed him again, and climbed off his lap with excitement. “I'll use the bathroom real quick. You can, if you need.”

“I'm good,” he assured her, chuckling as she lightly jogged into the bathroom.

Shepard used the toilet, washed her hands, and checked over her face in the mirror, relieved that she wasn't all flushed yet. With a deep breath to gain her confidence, she slid her robe off, adjusted her top a little lower to bare the tops of her smaller breasts, and opened the bathroom door. Garrus was leaned near one of the fish tanks, watching them dart around. Shepard almost moaned as she looked over him, surprised he'd gone with stripping out of his shirt instead of leaving it on like the pants. Thin shoes he'd worn up to the cabin were sitting near her desk, his shirt on her chair.

She took a step forward, caught his attention, and struggled to control her bodily reactions as his eyes trailed over her in desire. Shepard felt a boost in her confidence as his eyes hungrily stared at her legs, waist and slightly bared midriff before settling briefly on her breasts in curiosity. Then, embarrassed, he coughed and looked up. “I, uh, wasn't sure...what side you slept on, so I waited.”

“Left side lately, by the tank,” she told him and came toward the stairs. “Decide to sleep without the shirt?”

Garrus nodded, neck flushing darker. “Yeah. Figured we might get too warm, and I didn't want to overheat. I guess...I'm considering this a first try so I'll know how to be comfortable next time—like if I'll be too cold or rough you up too much with my...my plating and....”

“Gotta stop being afraid of the differences,” Shepard said and stepped up on her tip toes to kiss him. Garrus growled a little in a good way, taking her offered hand and following her down to the bed.

Shepard let go of him and yanked the sheets and top cover back, sliding in on the left side and lying on her right hip. She looked over her shoulder, smiling inside widely as she felt the bed shift with his weight a bit while he got tucked in behind her. A strong turian arm slid over her waist as he scooted closer with a sigh. She waited a few moments, surprised that he didn't pull her closer than that.

“You sure you're comfortable with this?” she asked quietly.

“Yes.”

“Then come closer.”

“Oh, sorry. Wasn't sure you'd be okay with...my chest.”

Shepard grunted and pushed herself back against his chest. Yeah, there was a bit of an sloping forward to his carapace that angled into her back somewhat weirdly, but it was fine. The plating was smoother there anyway, more rounded than the armor led people to believe. Nothing she couldn't live with or didn't want. She resettled, took his left hand in hers and held it to her breasts so his long arm could wrap over completely. Garrus lay his head above hers, tilted downward so his chin brushed her hair. After a moment Shepard felt him slide his other arm along under their pillows, then sigh comfortably.

“This work for you?” she asked, wanting to be sure before she passed out like she felt she was going to do.

Garrus didn't reply, worrying her. Then in the silence she listened to his breathing, feeling his belly occasionally brush her lower back. There was a distinct, gentle rhythm indicating he'd already fallen asleep. It made her so damn happy to know he was so comfortable and satisfied, and she wondered if this was something they could maybe start doing a bit if they slept better for it.

Shepard closed her eyes, her own breathing evening out in the soft quiet. “Night, hon.”

“Mm,” he hummed in response, still sweetly sleeping behind her.

  
  


 


	38. The Collector Ship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

 

Some repetitive buggy noise irritated him in his sleep, and he growled a little at it, hoping it wasn't some stupid spam message pinging him late at night. Garrus didn't register familiarity with the alarm noise and tried to sleep through it, amazingly comfortable for the first time in years.

The subsequent jerking of a warm body in his arms to stop the alarm had him immediately popping his eyes open in shock. Garrus swallowed as Shepard managed to shut her holo-clock's alarm off and snuggle back against him, red hair messy and everywhere from static. She hummed a little as her breathing started to even, but her heart rate had jumped somewhat like his from the wake up call.

He wondered what to do as the memories from the previous night slid into him—she'd had a seriously fucked up nightmare, he'd come to check on her, talked for a while, then decided to take up her offer of sharing her bed for the night. He'd been so worried that he wouldn't sleep at all in the deep excitement he'd had, but Garrus barely remembered staying awake past getting adjusted in their positions. He'd just passed the fuck out.

“What...time is it?” he asked with a slight yawn behind her, loving how warm and comfortable he was.

Shepard sniffed, and he heard her yawn in response. “Four.”

“Ugh.”

“Fuck it, just sleep,” she mumbled, tired. The hand she'd been holding in her sleep she'd kept close to her chest—her breasts—and Garrus smiled a little as he felt her pull it up to her face and kiss his knuckles.

Garrus wanted nothing more than to lie like this longer, but he knew he needed to eat and shower before the shift change. “I wish, A. I need to get ready, babe.”

“Damn it,” she grunted, rolling in his arms to face him. “You at least sleep okay?” she asked softly, green eyes round on him.

Garrus pushed his face further into his pillow as he nodded. “Amazingly well, actually.”

“Same.”

“That's, um...good,” he said, wondering if maybe they'd start sharing her bed some now. He'd love to do that.

Shepard leaned up, kissing under his chin. She stared at him a bit strangely in some look he wasn't able to completely decipher before she shook it off, smiling at him. “All right. I'm gonna get up, too.”

“Okay.”

They lay there still three minutes later, just quietly staring at one another. Shepard laughed, eyes lighting up. “Look at us go, Garrus.”

“Right?”

“Let me up,” she said, stretching and rising as he let go of her. Garrus watched her toss the blankets back, slide to her edge of the bed, stretch again and stand. Instantly he fought the desire to yank her back to him as his eyes settled on her ass and how amazing it looked in those shorts again.

He grunted, tired but rested, and mimicked her. Garrus followed her up near the fish tank, reaching for his shoes and shirt. He slipped into the shirt, glad he'd slept without it; she really had kept him pretty toasty with her body heat last night, probably enough that at some point he'd just sleep nude with her and be fine. As he bent to slip into his shoes, he felt her fingers trail over his fringe and down his back, making him shudder a little.

Garrus tilted his face as he finished, looking at her while he stood back up. She was looking over him, smiling to herself, and Garrus caught her scent change deliciously. Shepard stepped forward and slid her arms around his neck and cowl. “Would you be...interested...in trying this again sometime?” she asked hesitantly.

She was worried about pressuring him in some way, and it bothered him. Honestly if it weren't for him still trying to figure out a way to make their first time more romantic for her, he'd have already pounced and stripped her naked several times in the past weeks. Garrus nodded as he wondered, yet again, if maybe he was just thinking too hard about it. His body was beyond ready, his heart demanding. Soon, he decided. Very soon he would go for it. Garrus gave her a little smirk as her cheeks reddened in human blushing. “Definitely, if you are.”

“My hope someday is after we've...gotten all the way comfortable with one another, that it'll be some type of...regular thing,” she admitted.

Garrus slowly smiled as he considered future nights of sex and sleeping together and how amazing it sounded. “Yeah. Sounds...good. Very good.”

“Okay, big guy. Glad to hear it.”

“I'll, um. See you downstairs to eat, right?”

“Yep.”

“All right.” Garrus gave her another small smile, bent and kissed her, his large hands sliding to her round hips. “Mm.”

“Thanks for staying through the night. For coming to talk to me.”

“Any time, babe.”

Garrus watched her walk into her bathroom, enjoying that swish of her hips meant for him. A little growl escaped him appreciatively, before he sighed and took the elevator back to the crew deck. He gathered his armor and under suit up, hygiene products in tow, and went into the male bathrooms, excited for a hot shower. When he finished soaping up with the turian scrubber and rinsed off, Garrus looked over himself, a towel around his hips, before one of the large mirrors. Knowing she thought he was...such a catch, so damn attractive to her, it helped a lot with the insecurity that the bandage and what was underneath it had subconsciously been doing to him. He'd go see Doc about the bandage change; he still wasn't comfortable looking at the wound in the mirror yet.

For now Garrus grabbed a small tool out of his hygiene bag, once again a bit glad he'd bought it on Illium. Turians used it to buff and smooth their plating as it weathered with age and got cracked some. Gently he used it over his face, feeling a little more confident as he managed to soften some minor marks around his crown and cheek. It made him look younger, feel younger and more like the turian she must see. After using it briefly over his carapace, he threw it in his bag, brushed his teeth, and slipped his under suit on. After that came the armor in pieces.

When he finished Garrus left the bathroom, items in his hand, and dropped them back off in the battery. By the time he exited the battery, Shepard was in the mess grabbing food from Gardner. Garrus smiled a little to himself, loving knowing that he'd shared her bed last night, even if they hadn't had sex. They had eaten about half of their meal when EDI came over the comms, telling Shepard that the Illusive Man was ready in the comms room and needing to speak with her immediately on a situation unfolding.

Garrus sighed some as he watched her mask slip on to combat the stress. Shepard left half her meal next to him, but Garrus knew she'd never finish it. Once she got going, she rarely stopped again. He told Gardner to keep it covered in case, though, and went back into the battery where he checked over his guns one more time. Something told him that he was gonna be using them a lot today.

 

\---------------------

 

 

“He said the distress signal was turian?” Garrus asked, completely skeptical. They were stopped next to the eerily quiet and dark Collector ship that the Illusive Man had warned her about, asking her to check it out for any clues or resources they could use against the alien aggressors.

Shepard shrugged as she told Joker to hold fast and, if anything went insane, do exactly as she asked him. The pilot thankfully was in a more serious mood after seeing the ship and nodded without comment. She came back toward him and rode the elevator down to the cargo bay. “He said a turian ship had encountered it, incapacitated it, then left to repair itself. EDI says the signal is turian in nature, so.”

“That's still....” Garrus frowned, his gut telling him not to trust this at all. Not to let her near this fucking nightmare factory. “Something's not right here, Shepard.”

“Tell me about it,” she murmured, thankfully on his side with it.

They waited until Jack approached with their newest recruit. “You wanted both of us, right?” the biotic asked with a grunt.

Shepard nodded and gestured for them to pile in the shuttle. “Yeah. It's more than our usual squad, but I don't know what the hell's gonna be in there. In case it's anything like the insanity of Horizon, I want some serious biotics with me. That and Garrus's sniper rifle and armor-piercing upgrades.”

“Okay, Boss.”

“You can sleep in tomorrow all you want,” Shepard teased Jack, who grunted again but with a smirk now. Garrus could see by that small reaction just how far Shepard had come with Jack, how much she'd gotten the biotic to cooperate.  
  
She then turned to Thane Krios, the drell that Garrus  _still_ felt so damn unsure about. The way he'd spoken to Shepard let Garrus know that the assassin would be loyal to her and their cause, so he had no worries about death in his sleep or hers, but there was just something...so focused and deadly about the quiet alien. He watched Shepard look over Thane's face, weighing him, but not checking him out like some other human females had on their way to the cargo bay. As stupid as he felt being relieved at seeing it, he sighed inside.  
  
“Can you do throw work? Jack's learned a great shock wave technique, but I'd like to augment it with a field of some sort for anything her move might miss on the sides.”

Thane bowed his head. “Yes.”

“Good. You've got your sniper rifle on you, too?”

“Yes,” he said again, flanging deep voice mildly irritating Garrus in his stupid jealousy.  
  
Honestly, Garrus was getting annoyed with  _himself_ over the hormone-induced responses. He thought about it as they shuttled into the Collector ship, eyes widening as he remembered when they'd first encountered the drell that Garrus had seen him sniff and look between Garrus and Shepard, already aware of his imprint and their relationship.

Krios hadn't said a damn thing about it, though. Hm.

“Excellent. Helmets on in case. I don't want anyone getting sick in there.”

Garrus snapped his helmet over his head, making sure his visor was still working clearly before giving her that weird human thumbs-up thing Ashley Williams had taught him on the Saren run. Shepard smiled at him, remembering, too.

“All we know right now is that the ship looks dead—no life signs active aboard. Even so, my gut is throwing me, so we're going in fully armed.” Shepard turned her back to them as the door opened on the other side.

The inside of the ship was terrifying—silent with the occasional grunt of ship noise in general making it all the more creepy. Jack moved to his left, Thane to his right as Garrus kept right on Shepard's six, scope out and looking far ahead for threats. She'd gone with her pistol at the head of the formation, her movements tight as she held it high. They weaved around a few corners, looking at the strange huge webbing and lighting on the huge walls. The fucking ship was massive.

Suddenly Shepard paused, looking off ahead and to their right. Garrus blinked through the scope and swallowed down the urge to vomit. They ran over and looked at the huge pile of rotting human corpses. No one was able to speak for several seconds until Thane said over the comms, “What are they...looking for? Were these people rejects for something?”

“I have no idea,” Shepard replied, voice deadly soft in her anger.

Jack shook her head. “Fucking sick aliens. We'll kill them all.”

They forcibly moved past the mass of corpses, collecting some intel and resources along the way at different points. The ship's path was curved a lot on the inside, and it looked so organic that Garrus felt it was more of a habitat than a ship in many ways.

A little further in and they all nearly shot a body of a Collector in one of the pods next to some weird equipment.  
  
“EDI, run this shit. I want to know if they're experimenting between us.”

“On it, Shepard.”

As they waited a second, Garrus's eye landed on a pile of weapons nearby that the Collectors must have taken off of stasis-captured humans. He walked over, glancing through the guns as his visor brought up model make information. One gun stood out immediately, something he'd not seen in person. “Hey, Shepard.”

“Yeah?” she called a few feet away.

“C'mere. Found you something.”

She walked next to him, frowning through her helmet's screen at the pile. “Fuck.”

Garrus holstered his weapon a moment so he could bend and dig out the gun he'd spotted. Shepard's eyes widened rather visibly as he lifted the somewhat heavy sniper. Garrus could tell it'd been modified for whatever human had owned it; the damn gun looked like a single shot could break a human shoulder in recoil. With a quick release of a side button, the sniper rifle unfolded further. It was huge, but obviously had been well-cared for and a very expensive make. Slowly he handed it to her waiting hands.

“This thing looks like an old .50 cal sniper used to, somewhat,” she said as she lifted it, looking it over.

“It's called a Widow. One shot, like the Mantis, but far more powerful. Typically can go through walls and serious armor without ammo mods, so with the ammo adjusted it would be unstoppable,” he explained as he looked it over a little more. “These guns...Shepard, they average like almost three hundred thousand credits.”

“Holy fuck,” she whispered. “We're taking it. Will you work on it for me? You can use it if you want.”

“I want you to have it, if you can shoot it safely. Let you see if you like it better than your Viper,” Garrus said and folded it back up. He removed his mantis again and holstered the Widow on his back so she wouldn't have to carry it. “I'll work on it.”

Shepard smiled up at him through her helmet. “Thanks, big guy.”

“Commander, I have serious information,” EDI chimed in. They both walked back over to the body. Jack had inched her way over to the gun pile as they left it, digging in a little herself. Thane was still next to the alien body, observing it. “I've compared the DNA signature loaded into the software from this Collector to anything extensively filed and known historically, galaxy-wide. Shepard, this...DNA closely matches only one other known species.”

“If you say what I think you're gonna say, I might need to sit down,” Shepard began, taking a large breath.

Garrus frowned in confusion, then almost fell over when the AI said, “It's Prothean, Commander, or was once. Most likely came from a particular group and, over several generations of mutations like we've seen with husks and Saren's changes, become the Collectors we know now.”

“Holy fucking shit,” Shepard coughed, staring at the dead body. “You got all that data transferred?”

“Yes, Shepard.”

“Fucking Illusive Man better sign us a fat bonus check for this one. EDI, I'll give you a share to get any extra upgrades you might want,” Shepard said, shaking her head as she stepped away some. Garrus just stood in shock, staring at the four dead yellowish globed eyes on the body. “EDI is there a chance we can...save any of them from indoctrination or the like?”

“None. It is too late for them, Shepard. They've been bred too long like this.”

“Damn it. I fucking _knew_ the Reapers were behind this shit,” Shepard almost snarled. “C'mon people. Let's keep going.”

Garrus shook off his shock and followed them a bit more until they emerged into a huge cavernous area; the habitat idea he'd had only felt more justified.

“It's like a fuckin' bug nest,” Jack hissed in disgust as she looked all around them.

“You're right,” Shepard murmured. “Hive-like.”

Garrus caught a flickering to his right just as EDI came across the comms and mentioned a platform nearby that she wanted access to if possible for information. The tension in the air was so thick, his senses sharp. “Ba—Shepard, be ready. I feel very on edge right now. Instincts are super crazy.”

“Same here,” Thane replied, almost twitching.

“Shepard, got some crazy information here for you,” Joker pinged in.

“Yeah?”

“On a hunch I had EDI compare thermal signatures and readings from this ship to the information collected about our attack two years ago.”

Garrus froze as Shepard stiffened. “And?”

“It is the same ship, Commander,” EDI finished. Garrus snarled low in his comm, furious. His visor picked up a huge increase in Shepard's heart rate.

“Same ship dodging me for two years? Can't be coincidence.” Shepard shook her head as EDI kept hacking. “Something's fucking going on here. You guys are right. This is...this has to be a fucking trap.”

Shepard briefly looked over at Garrus and brought her gun up, looking around as they waited for EDI to finish her hack. Suddenly the AI shouted in worry, “Commander! I'm being locked out of the platform! Something else is in the system! Life signs detected!”

Garrus snarled in the comm as the platform they were on jerked beneath them and carried them into the air, tilting dangerously. “I fucking knew it!”

“Second platform! Collectors!” Thane called from the right. Garrus looked up as theirs stopped moving and the approaching one came in fast, two scion enemies and several Collector armed drones speaking in those creepy frequencies.

“Everyone down! Use cover! Jack keep them the fuck away from us. Thane, throw them off their platform if you can. Garrus, work on the big bastards, they're armored!” Shepard slid down near the front wrapped area of their platform, tossing out an incineration attack as the platform neared.

Garrus remembered the scions going down easier if they were shot through the hump and shoulders first, so he aimed for the left one's hump. The Mantis called out as he shot, and through the scope he saw a huge blast as the creature's hump was obliterated. Quickly he aimed for the other one, pulling the same strategy to weaken them while biotics were flung before them by Jack and Thane, keeping the drones at bay and weak. Shepard shot more fire toward the scions, burning them down as she let loose with her pistol. Garrus reloaded, took a drone out with a head shot as it managed to evade Thane's field and aim for Shepard with its laser gun. He swallowed as the head burst and it went down, leaving her safe again.

“Another one!” Shepard shouted in their comms as a second platform flew at them from the left, getting close enough to connect to theirs.

Garrus saw Jack fling out some huge shock waves, tossing the drones out into the air for Thane to further push out. One of the drones tried to fly back, but Garrus quickly took its head off, and it fell into the depths of the huge area. He switched his focus back to finishing off the remaining scion, working with Shepard and letting their two squad mates clear the left platform.

A third platform appeared directly in front of them, sporting one of the newer husks that were covered in fire and exploded when they got close. Garrus quickly shot it, praying he killed it straight off; thankfully he did, and the resulting explosion momentarily rendered them all stunned. When all of the platforms were finally clear, Shepard contacted EDI again. Garrus almost sat down in relief as the AI took over their platform and brought them back to the ground where they'd first stepped onto it.

“Signatures lighting up all over the area. I will try to redirect you back to the shuttle. Commander, be prepared!”

“This fucking trap,” Shepard sneered and ran for it, everyone on her heels. The door on the left they'd taken through slammed shut as she neared it, and EDI quickly hacked the opposite right one open for them to continue.

Garrus was breathing heavily by the time they managed to shoot their way through several more drones and scions, hiding behind some of the organic shape of the ship for cover. He switched to his assault rifle, which helped a lot as they grew into even tighter areas. Finally they broke into another open area, much smaller in size. Garrus almost flipped when a huge praetorian came through the doors at the bottom that they needed to use. Husks accompanied the floating death monster as it beamed deadly energy rays at them. Thane tossed out a few warps, bringing the creature's barrier down as Jack kept the husks at bay. Shepard unloaded on the praetorian when it came down to recharge, while Garrus took out two drones that had appeared near the door with concussive shots and followed up with bursts to their heads; quickly he switched out his Mantis for his M96 Mattock assault rifle again. They kept circling the huge ramps, trying to out run and hide out of the praetorian's firing range until thankfully they whittled it down enough that it disintegrated.

He took huge gaping breaths as they booked in through the doors.

“We close, EDI?” Shepard shouted over the comms.

“Very! The shuttle is up ahead! Several signatures between!”

Shepard stopped, looked at Jack, and jerked her head. “Clear them out, Jack.”

“My fuckin' pleasure,” Jack grinned and let loose, biotics taking out waves of husks as they charged forward.

Thane burst several husks that managed to climb up the sides of the path in an attempt to surround them. Garrus fired alongside Shepard, clearing any last remaining ones. Then, to their collective relief, they saw the shuttle.

“Commander! Get the fuck out! They're starting the ship!” Joker almost screamed in Garrus's ear. “I'm not losing another _Normandy_!”

They ran harshly, barely blinking while Jack finished tossing some remaining husks out of their way. The shuttle door opened as they heard the ship groan and come to life, no doubt to keep them aboard and destroy the _Normandy_. Shepard paused in front of the shuttle, pushing each one of them inside and throwing herself in, rolling as the door shut. She quickly banged harshly on the door between them and the pilot, and the shuttle instantly took off, darting out of the Collector ship.

Garrus collapsed into a chair, barely able to breathe, assault rifle still in his hands. Thane was wheezing a little across from him. Jack was on her knees on the floor while Shepard weaved over to Garrus. She fell into the chair next to him while the shuttle pulled some tight maneuvers to get back into the cargo bay. Not giving a fuck about the other two people on board, Garrus immediately took Shepard's hand in his, squeezing it briefly, needing the connection with her.

As soon as the shuttle was inside their ship, Shepard ordered Joker to haul ass. “Go, go!” she screamed as she ripped off her helmet and ran for the elevator, Garrus right behind her. Shepard's eyes were unblinking on the doors until they got up to the CIC, and they ran for the cock pit while Cerberus crew strapped into safety harnesses. The _Normandy_ rolled once as Joker tried to keep evading the now fully active pursuit of the Collector ship. Garrus slammed into the wall near the cockpit, Shepard smacking harshly against his chest. He held her briefly until their ship righted, watching as she clawed her way over furniture and flooring to get to Joker's side.

“EDI! Get us out of here!” Joker screamed out.

“Select a destination!”

“I don't give a _flying fuck_! Just get us _anywhere not here_!”

EDI's holo-self flickered once that Garrus saw near the cockpit. “Done.”

Instantly he felt the ship go FTL, barely hitting relay and taking them Spirits knew where. Garrus was flung to the floor again harshly, glad he was still in armor for the blow. The moment the ship slowed, safe and calm, Garrus stood back up. Shepard spoke with Joker and EDI, confirming that the Collector ship hadn't followed them through their relay path.

Garrus watched the pilot collapse in his chair, shaking a little at the close call. His girlfriend leaned down and pulled Joker into a side-hug, praising him. “I'm fucking proud of you, Jeff. I'm so fucking glad you're here.”

“So...so close. But...I wasn't gonna let them take us out again. _Never_ ,” Joker hissed while he hugged Shepard back and let go of her, chair rotating to face Garrus's direction.

Garrus shook his head, impressed and finally starting to see for himself what the attack on the _SR1_ had to have been like with the seriously insane powerful guns that the Collector ship had just tried to use on them again. The pilot and AI had just saved their asses from another huge fall out and death. “Joker?” he coughed out.

“Yeah?”

“We're square,” Garrus called, still catching his breath.

The pilot was silent a second, his eyes seriously looking over Garrus, before he nodded. Shepard eyed them both, a brow raised, but let it go to speak with EDI, thanking the AI for her response time and telling her Shepard was gonna buy her a drink, even if the damned AI couldn't drink it at all.

“Commander, one last thing,” EDI said, catching their attention.

“Yeah?”

“I've examined the distress call in more depth. There is no way that the Illusive Man would believe it was genuine. He...knew it was a trap.”

“How?”

“There was no second encryption found in turian signals, and what was there had Cerberus protocols. He...wrote them.”

Garrus snarled and hit the wall next to him, jolting Joker in his chair a little while his blue eyes fixated on Shepard. “I fucking told you. A ship like that? No way a single turian cruiser would have even remotely survived and limped off. He _planted_ it.”

Her eyes were like green fire. “I'll deal with this,” she quietly said and moved to leave. “EDI, get that smoking asshole on the comms. Right. Now.”

“As you wish.”

Garrus looked at Joker, both of them shaking their heads. “That mother fucker's gonna say some bullshit reason why he let us walk into that death trap, and she'll have to swallow it like always,” the pilot grunted, arms crossing. “I'm really starting to hate that prick.”

“He'd better just keep as far away as he is now. Any closer and I might take a swipe.”

“Wouldn't blame you.” Joker angled his face. “She okay? That was fucking close for all of us.”

“I...don't know yet, Joker. But I hope so. And if she isn't, I'll do what I can,” Garrus assured his friend quietly. “As soon as this shit is over, I'm taking her far away from all of it. No more Alliance, nothing. We're done. She's going to break if she goes through anything else.”

Joker sighed in understanding. “Keep her safe, Garrus.”

“Always,” Garrus nodded and spun on his heel, deciding to wait in the lab in case she swung back through that way after screaming at the Illusive Man in the meeting room.

  
  


 


	39. Luck Charm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super Mega Upload back on track and fixed in order. Jfc. Sorry about that. Using all my data to do this, so hey, hope it's worth it.  
> Happy Late Holidays. :)
> 
> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

“Really?” she asked, shocked.

“Really,” Kelly replied waving the datapad there in the mess.

Shepard took it excitedly and called Joker on the comm. “Hey. Plot a course for Haestrom. We've got someone to pick up before the Citadel run.”

“Huh? Thought we had everyone.”

“It's no good without our quarian luck charm,” Shepard replied, laughing as Joker snorted over the intercom.

“Commander, I do not believe that quarians are considered such things,” EDI said, quite politely yet clearly disturbed.

“You'll see eventually,” Shepard waved off the AI, knowing one of her cameras would undoubtedly pick it up.

She weaved around the mess and knocked on Samara's door, hoping to do a brief check in, and she smiled to herself, not surprised at finding a drell meditating alongside the silent asari with the viewing window open.

“I'll come back later,” she whispered, smiling, and shut the door again.

Her feet took her next to the battery, and she stepped inside with a bounce to her step, arms going around Garrus's middle as the doors closed.

“Someone's in a good mood,” he snickered, glancing down over his shoulder.

Shepard nodded against him, regardless of armor, and hugged tighter. “Yeah. Guess what?”

“What, A.?”

“We're going to pick up Tali. I don't think she _knows_ we are yet, but we are.”

“About time,” Garrus chuckled. “Needed a quarian in engineering to feel right on this ship.”

“That's more or less what I said,” Shepard laughed with him softly and closed her eyes. "She's our lucky charm on this ship. Doesn't feel right without her."

He must have seen her expression shift slightly, because he turned in her hold and held her to his front, pulling her up to stand on his feet. “What is it?”

“I want you to be there with me, Garrus.”

“Well, yeah. Expected that. She needs friendly faces, I'm sure.”

“No, I mean...yes, but Garrus...remember how I encountered Tali and the quarians on Freedom's Progress?”

“Yeah.”

Shepard exhaled and rested her chin to his armored cowl. “She was so worried about me then—about me not being able to handle not finding you, too. I want her to know you're okay. I want to surprise her by bringing you along, since she hadn't heard from you, either.”

Garrus lifted an hand from her waist to stroke down her cheek and cup her jaw. “All right, babe. I'll be there.”

“Thanks, big guy.” Shepard smiled. “You know, standing like this is kinda nice. Helps with the height difference a bit.”

“Yeah...but you're starting to smash my toes. Those boots are lethal,” he grunted, and she rolled her eyes but hopped away, sticking her tongue out. Garrus raised a brow. “I have calibrations, you know.”

“Calibrate this,” Shepard teased, blew him a kiss, and turned to walk back out.

Garrus rumbled behind her, his voice echoing, “Trust me, Shepard. I'm trying.”

 

 

\---------------

 

 

She wasn't sure if she hated the geth Colossus as much as she hated Collector bugs, but she knew it came in hot at a close second.

Trapped with Kal'Reegar, the only other surviving member of Tali's team on Haestrom, Shepard kept several geth _and_ the big mechanical bastard occupied with Reegar's missiles so that Samara could yank troopers in for close shots and Garrus could rip them apart with electrical charges and his rifle.

Despite the handful of geth left running around, Shepard knew they were running out of time. For one, there was possibly another drop ship coming. Why not, at this point? And for two, the beam from the Colossus hit her cover hard enough to throw her backward and nearly crack her head open on some sharp metal.

“Commander!” Samara called from somewhere to her left.

“I'm fine!” Shepard assured the asari and Garrus, too, when he chimed in a second later demanding to know if she was alive. “Damn thing about knocked me out, though.”

“It's coming down, A. Not got much left. If we all focus on it at once and you keep it on fire, I think we'll have a shot,” Garrus suggested from his spot on some high ground, hidden from the sun behind more metal.

Shepard blew out a breath. “All right, you heard him. Let's do this. Count of three.”

Another blast knocked the crate next to her four feet into the air. Shepard's eyes went round as she realized it had missed _her_ by inches, and she quickly called out, “One-two-three, _shoot_!”

Missiles smacked into the groaning Colossus from Kal'Reegar's location. Bullets sprayed from Samara's while a tank of condensed material was biotically flung at the huge geth. Garrus overloaded the hell out of it as Shepard set it on fire, and the beast blew apart in a giant explosion that was lacking only in a spectacular firework show she'd felt they'd earned.

“It's dead! Finally. I told you bug bites would work,” the quarian near her sighed in relief, collapsing a moment in her sight.

“Don't talk about bugs. Take a second to regroup. We'll push forward for Tali and come back for you.”

“No, Commander. Go ahead, and I'll catch up. Need to fix something.”

Shepard stormed over quickly as Garrus and Samara swept the remaining area from shadowed spots to keep out of the dangerous sunlight. “You okay?”

Kal'Reegar's white eyes stared up at her from his red helmet, and he nodded. “Will be. Got some suit damage. Needs addressed.”

“Do what you need and follow when you can,” Shepard ordered softly, but clapped him on the shoulder. “See you soon.”

“Tali should be in one of the functioning rooms—we had equipment in there, lots of it. You might have more geth, though.”

“We can handle it,” Shepard assured him and moved forward, darting from spot to spot until she walked through toward the observatory.

When the door opened, Shepard grinned and ran for Tali, tackling into the quarian woman with a hug. Tali squeezed her back, relieved that they'd made it through from their last communication with her before the Colossus.

“Like I said, Shepard, I don't know how you manage to be there when I need you, but I am grateful for it,” Tali greeted her, voice smiling enough in its tone to make up for the hazy helmet.

Shepard swept her arm toward Garrus, happy. "Look who I found."

Her white eyes blinked a moment before she reached out and took Garrus's extended hand, too, nodding at him. “Garrus! It's good to see you alive. Shepard was so worried.”

“Hey, Tali. I was, too. That was a rough day,” Garrus grunted and glanced over her. “You all right? Saw some disabled geth down the stairs.”

“Psh. Yes, I'm fine. They weren't able to get past my new drone. Are there any other survivors that you found? Any of my team?” Tali asked, fingers wringing together a moment.

Samara bowed her head and holstered her gun. “Yes. We met a quarian named Kal'Reegar. He survives, but is wounded.”

“Damn. I need to check him.”

“Tali, I know this is a lot right now, but...can you come with me this time?” Shepard flat-out asked, not wanting to risk anymore geth drops. “I need you. I need people I trust, and I need an engineer who knows geth in case we deal with them again—let alone trying to figure out how to prepare for this Collector push.”

“Yes, Shepard. I'm coming this time, I promise. I just have to check with Reegar and be sure our data our team secured is sent,” Tali said, patting her arm before moving for a monitor and using her omni-tool. “Where did you find Garrus?”

“Omega. He was running around pissing off every merc group possible, dealing justice and kicking ass from a swank pad. Like Batman in space.”

“Like who?” Tali asked while Garrus looked at her with humored annoyance.

Shepard waved it off. “Just some old human comic hero.”

“What have _you_ been doing, Tali?” Garrus asked her.

Their quarian friend sighed and gestured around. “You're looking at it. Working for the Flotilla, trying to understand the problems with Haestrom's sun, lots of field work after my Pilgrimage.”

"That's what you couldn't tell me about back then," Shepard surmised fairly.

Garrus smiled some. “Pays to be busy.”

“ _Keelah_ , tell me about it.”

“You good?” Shepard asked as the quarian backed away from the monitor.

“Yes, got the data. Let's go,” Tali urged, picking up a large geth rifle off the ground to take with them.

Kal'Reegar stood outside, waiting for them with a clutched hand to his ribs. Shepard looked him over as Tali did, both pecking at him like mother hens until he swore he was fine, would be fine, and just needed to be seen once they were flying back to their normal ship.

“I'm going with Shepard,” Tali said, squeezing the male quarian's arm. She asked again, “You're certain you will be all right?”

“I'll be fine, ma'am. Don't worry.”

“The data, though....”

“I'll upload it. Just send it to me.”

Shepard raised her brows, glancing to Garrus beyond the quarians as he watched the pair, too, awkwardly standing with the transfer between omni-tools until Tali finally squeezed his arm one last time in farewell.

And though Shepard couldn't see behind that quarian's mask, she had a bet based on Kal'Reegar's voice alone that he was probably a sexy guy. With a quick little elbow into Tali's side, they stepped into their waiting shuttle.

“What?” Tali asked, puzzled. But she sounded embarrassed.

“Nothing,” Shepard grinned, deciding to keep her thoughts to herself for now.

Later, after an awkward conversation with Jacob Taylor in welcoming Tali aboard and after a long dinner where she, Garrus, and Joker all caught up together, Shepard made rounds, checking in with each member of her team on the ship. And when she got to engineering, she glanced past Ken and Gabby to see her friend right at work, not even taking any time to sleep yet.

She'd harp at her tomorrow. Shepard was just too glad to have another old friend aboard.

 

 


	40. Finding Sidonis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super Mega Upload back on track and fixed in order. Jfc. Sorry about that. Using all my data to do this, so hey, hope it's worth it.  
> Happy Late Holidays. :)
> 
> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

  
  
  
  
  


Swinging back toward the Citadel for supplies was absolutely fortuitous. 

Garrus shook as he finished planning out what he'd need to do. Ever since the name Fade had come up in his search to find Sidonis and settle that blood debt, he'd known it was just the place to go. Exactly where he should head. Although Fade ran a business of making people disappear, Garrus figured he could bribe the person to make Sidonis reappear. Or maybe he'd just beat the information out of the agent if money didn't work. Either way, he had to find out, and his gut told him the Citadel was perfect. They were docking anyway that day, so it couldn't hurt to meet up with Fade and find out.

He quickly looked over his shoulder as Shepard entered. She was still in her Cerberus uniform, red brows drawn down over her eyes. “I got your message. What's wrong, Garrus?”

“I, um. I...need your help. I want it.”

“Name it. What's going on?” she asked without hesitation. Good. Garrus blew out a breath and handed her his datapad. Shepard eyed the information about Fade, then glanced back up to him. “You want to disappear?”

“No. I want to make Sidonis reappear.”

“Oh.” Shepard handed him the pad back. “You never did explain much about your...time on Omega. Weren't ready.”

Garrus shrugged his shoulders, feeling a bit guilty for that now that he was more or less demanding his girlfriend drop things to help him. “Shepard, look, I...I told you I went to do some good, and before I became Archangel, I'd...done some good. I saved the life of a turian named Sidonis, and with him I founded my team to fight back against the oppression from the merc groups on Omega. Eventually others joined in from rescues or hearing about it—humans, salarians, batarians even. It was diverse, and I really enjoyed their company. They trusted...trusted me with their lives.”

“Going against these groups—they had to know what was on the line, though, right?”

“Yeah.”

Shepard eyed him worriedly. “And you lost all but Sidonis?”

“Sidonis is the reason I was set up to die, Shepard. He got captured, gave up our location and had me diverted from the team long enough for the mercs to slaughter them. Sidonis got away with his life while they were murdered. By the time....” Garrus paused, bent and took a deep breath as he rested his palms against the gun console. “When I got there, they were already dead. I killed the last of the mercs, kept one alive for information, and murdered him when I got what I needed about the planned attack. I barely had time to take care of my dead team before it went down.”

Shepard stepped forward and ran a hand up his arm. “Garrus, I'm...so sorry.”

He punched his left fist down harshly. “I'd accepted I was gonna die. It was my failure. I failed them, just like I'd failed you. I wasn't there. I just wasn't there. So I...I asked....” Garrus choked a keen out and hung his head. “I asked you to come take me away.”

“No wonder you were so freaked out when I showed up,” Shepard murmured. “Not just the stim packs, but.... Fuck, honey, I....”

“I'm glad, babe. I'm glad you came,” Garrus assured her as he leaned and rubbed his mandible to her brow. “But yeah, that's partially why I was so freaked out.”

“So...Sidonis is still alive out there?”

“Yeah. Fucking traitor. I need to kill him, Shepard. It's just...I have to. My teams' deaths demand it, and if this Fade guy is willing to cough him up, then I'll get it done.”

Shepard considered that as she looked over his face, her back to the console next to him. “Hon...you're sure you want to kill him?”

“Absolutely positive.”

“All...right. I'll help you. Where's Fade again? Zakera?”

“Yeah. Some factory representative warehouse, but he's got a point of contact on Zakera Ward.”

She nodded tightly, a hand on his. “It'll be done. I'll let others get supplied and we'll go. You okay if I bring someone in case we need help?”

“I....” Garrus sighed, not wanting to involve others.

“What about Miranda? We helped her out personally. She'd get it.”

“That's...fine. That'll work.”

 

 

\------------------

 

 

 

A few hours later they approached Fade's location. Shepard glanced over Garrus, saw him twitching expectantly with aggression. It fucking worried her. This entire thing worried her. She got why he wanted and needed to find Sidonis, but she was so damn worried about what this was going to do to him—and, bless the damn rebel, he was so in the middle of it emotionally he couldn't see beyond it. Because despite killing a traitor, Garrus himself would be killing the last member of his team. The other founding member, even. That had to have some sort of emotional consequence.

The door slid open. Two large hulking krogan in gear eyed them up as they came down into a receiving room that was loaded with minor cargo. Shepard went to ask them about Fade, but a voice stopped her. With a snort ready, she looked down as the volus stepped out between the two krogan.

Even Garrus didn't buy it. “ _You're_ Fade?”

“Yes. That's my name. Do you need to disappear?” The volus wheezed through his choking microphone.

Shepard and Miranda eyed the two krogan as Garrus bent down to a knee. “How about you make somebody _reappear_?”

“That's...I can't. That's against contracts. That's exactly the opposite of what I do,” the volus grumbled and stepped back.

Shepard's green eyes widened as Garrus yanked his assault rifle out and aimed it right at the volus's head. “How about now?”

“Guards! Kill them! This is what I hire you idiots for!”

“Garrus,” Shepard spoke his name, a bit dumbfounded by how angry he looked as he gauged the krogan. To her utter surprise, they backed off as Garrus brought his rifle up with a glare and dared them to try and get in his way.

The volus wheezed again, also in shock as his bodyguards walked out a side door and left him there alone. “Get back here, you fools!”

Garrus love tapped the Volus with the end of his rifle, making the short, pudgy alien stumble back some. “Now. I want information.”

“Look! Look, okay, I...you got the wrong guy, turian. I'm not Fade.”

“Shocker. What are you, a mouth piece?”

The volus gave a rough nod. “Yeah. I screen clients for him.”

Shepard swallowed and exchanged a glance with Miranda who was also a bit surprised as Garrus growled low, expression intimidating as fuck. “So where is Fade? Who is he?”

“I....”

“Death or life. Pick.”

“Okay! Okay. Fade's in a warehouse nearby. It's, uh,....”

Garrus bared his teeth, making Shepard's brows rise up. “I didn't say you could stop.”

“Fade's that ex-C-Sec guy. Harkin whatever. He made himself disappear and does it as a business now!”

Garrus darkly smiled.

Shepard groaned and slid a hand over her face. Miranda looked to her, puzzled. “We know Harkin. He was a drunken asshole.”

“Fabulous,” Miranda shook her head.

“Can...I go?” the volus asked, voice quivering over the mic as he shook his round form.

To her relief Garrus stood up and holstered his gun, nodding after he received detailed information about the warehouse. “Yeah. Go. But if your information is bad, we're coming back for _you._ ”

“T-Thank you!”

Shepard watched the volus run out the same door the krogan had taken. Garrus spun and moved to leave, Shepard and Miranda on his heels as he walked quickly to the skycar pick up point.  
  
“Woah, woah, just hold on a damn second,” Shepard bit out and grabbed his forearm as he put in the call order for a cab.

Garrus looked up at her sharply. “What?”

“Don't what me. What the fuck was that about? I've never seen you get so rough with just questions, Garrus.”

“Too important, Shepard. Can't lose this.” Garrus shook her arm off and looked over as the skycar slid to their location.

Brows high on her face, Shepard muttered to Miranda as they slid in the back, “This isn't good.”

“You mean he isn't always like this?” Miranda whispered back right in Shepard's ear. She needn't have bothered; Garrus was so damn focused on driving to the location the volus had mentioned that he wasn't paying them any attention.

Shepard gave her a nod. “Sort of used to be, but he calmed down a lot. Damn it, this is bad.”

They arrived to the factory lot. As they exited the car, Shepard caught Harkin himself overseeing some cargo transfer outside the main entrance. The old officer glanced up, recognized she and Garrus, and immediately ran for it.  
  
“Shoot them!” he shouted behind him as the doors shut.

Of course the guards barely lasted a couple of minutes. Shepard had taken out the shields of the biggest one, Garrus had fucked him up with a clip, and Miranda had biotically flung the other one into the wall, crunching his neck. Shepard sighed over the stupid losses as she followed Garrus into the factory itself; Harkin had booked it so fast he hadn't locked it behind him.

What followed was a winding chase through cargo transporters, random hired Blue Suns guards, and lots of those stupid fucking mechs Shepard hated so much. “Jesus, how many of these bitches does he have!”

“They pack tightly in storage, Shepard!” Miranda called out as she overloaded the nearest one.

They'd gotten past the first two areas, Shepard sneaking some credits off screens on their way—even snagged a gun upgrade schematic off one computer, all while Garrus was demanding she hurry up. She'd sighed, finished the instant transfer, and kept on his six, a bit weirded out by that formation. “Garrus, get behind me until we catch him. I can't focus.”

Garrus slowed, waited until she passed him, and kept to her six then, surprisingly without any remarks. Shepard felt a bit better having the cleared view, yanked out her Viper and unloaded on mechs that overhead transporters were carrying to drop in. They painfully inched their way through another level of the factory, finding more guards running around a tight corner toward them.  
  
Ten minutes later it was clear. Shepard found a control room and entered it, sending Miranda to hack another monitor that was flickering with information. Garrus looked out through the huge window of the room over a big open area of platforms and moving overhead transporters. Shepard leaned against the large wall desk, eyes on him as she crossed her arms. “Garrus, look at me.”

“Hm?” he mumbled and did so, blue eyes sharp still and itching to look over her head.

“Are you all right?”

“Fine.”

Shepard noticed Miranda get more intent on her hacking, probably to give them a second; she took advantage of it by sliding in front of Garrus on the desk and blocked his view entirely. “Don't bull me, Garrus. Are you okay? You've...I've never seen you get that rough before. I'm worried about you.”

“I'll be fine when this is done, when I've got Harkin squealing and Sidonis begging,” Garrus almost growled, eyes narrowed on her in frustration. “Leave it be.”

“No. You wanted me in a relationship with you? Guess what, that includes moments like this where I fucking worry about you going dark on me or something,” Shepard growled back, green eyes fierce. “Stay level, you got it?”

“I'm fucking level as hell,” Garrus snapped back, actual anger in his blue gaze heavy on her.

Shepard shoved off the desk, shaking her head, even more disturbed as he didn't stop her, say anything or look at her—just kept staring out that window until they heard Harkin come over the PA. “Give it up, Garrus. More than one way to solve this problem with you. I've got big mechs out here. You come any further, I'll fuck you up.”

Garrus's eyes flew over the controls on the desk until he found his own PA comm button and pressed it harshly. “Hide all you want, Harkin, I'll find you!”

Shepard had had enough. She jerked away, swapping for her pistol, and sighed as Miranda became her shadow. Garrus suddenly snapped into focus before the window, not unlike a cat finding prey. Shepard glanced out and saw a hint of movement, something white. Mechs.

Garrus slid out of the window's view and looked to her for the first time in a few minutes. “You see that?”

“Yep. They're not going anywhere. Let's go.”

They entered the remaining area of platforms, grumbling at how they were raised continually above them, giving Harkin's hirelings and mechs advantage. Shepard cloaked and went for higher ground, taking out two mercs as Garrus shot down a mech to her left. She secured the area, yelled for them, and dropped her jaw open as the transporters dropped two of the huge mechs down in front of her.

“Get down!” she screamed and ducked behind some cargo, hoping to God there wasn't anything explosive inside as a rocket sailed over the spot she'd been standing in seconds before.

“Oh, he's throwing _those_ at us, too?” Miranda griped as she slid up the platform's edge on her belly in a crawl next to Shepard. “Damn it.”

“Keep the shields down. I'll burn the armor. Garrus can use his heavy ammo for the rest,” Shepard ordered and waited another second as the other large mech finished shooting its gatling arm. “Garrus, you got that?”

“On it,” he affirmed. “I'm to your left, different platform. I'm fine.”

Shepard didn't reply, partly from her annoyance at his treatment of her earlier. She cloaked again, rose up a few inches and registered the mechs searching for them. “Miranda, now!”

With the three of them in full synchronicity, the first heavy mech went down quickly. The second one, however, wasn't happy about it and shot off several rockets, then its gatling gun immediately as it closed in on her position, mechanical legs climbing up to the platform right below her.

“We have to move!” Miranda called as the platform they were on bounced hard with vibrations of the mech's stomps.

Shepard cloaked once more and climbed up and to the left, away and out of sight, while Miranda slid off the platform's right side and down the side, hidden behind cargo. Just as Shepard went to slide into her cover, her cloak flickered out. The mech turned, spotted her, and shot. She jerked down with a mild shout as a few bullets broke her shielding and slammed into and off her armor. One bullet managed to nick a space between her armor on her arm and cut her there, and she cried out with a loud hiss and curse.

“Babe! Shepard!” Garrus cried out in terror in her comm.

She took several gaping breaths, raised her pistol and peeked out after hearing Garrus go insane with his assault rifle. The idiot was standing up, waist and upper body visible for the mech as he freaked out, emptying an entire magazine into it. Shepard snapped at him in her comm to get the fuck down, flung an incineration tech to distract the mech, and ducked again.

Miranda suddenly barked out a warning in their comms. “I've got it! Wait for an explosion!”

Shepard closed her eyes tightly behind her Kiwashii visor and winced as the mech blew apart, flinging pieces of itself over her head with enough speed to decapitate her. Her breathing was ridiculous as she pulled herself up, hand on her arm where it stung and bled still. Miranda was bent over, exhaling near their original platform. Shepard clenched her teeth as Garrus yanked her over the cargo she'd used for cover, blue eyes scanning her face tightly.

“You hurt?” he asked, voice raw.

“Yeah,” she grunted and raised her arm a little. “It'll be fine.”

“How bad?” he demanded.

“I said it was _fucking fine_ ,” Shepard snapped at him. This entire mission so far had put her off-kilter, and unless he got out of this bullshit funk of his, it wasn't going away soon.

Garrus snarled as he saw the bit of blood dripping down her glove. His eyes shifted from her to the other control window directly above them, and Shepard knew it had to be Harkin's hidey-hole. Then his face snapped down to gauge her again. “Fine. Let's go.”

Shepard took a harsh breath to avoid snapping at him again and went the opposite way around her cover, needing some distance then. As they climbed the last two smaller levels, a couple humanoid mechs rose up. Garrus shot them up, holstered his rifle and forcefully opened the nearby door. Miranda blinked at Shepard and followed her inside after the angry turian.

Harkin was inside. His bald spot had grown around the middle of his head, a paunch on his gut more visible now. The ex-officer yanked a pistol up as they neared, and Shepard immediately moved to bring hers up on him. Garrus, however, was unimpressed. He snatched it from the trembling human man and held it up high in his right hand. Shepard watched as Garrus used his left hand to slam Harkin into the nearby wall, next to some monitors.

“Jesus, Garrus!” Harkin choked out. “Since when do you beat up interrogations?”

“Since I was fucked over and left for dead,” Garrus growled out and slammed Harkin again.

Harkin blinked a little, eyes wet as he stared up at Garrus in his fury. “Omega...changed you...huh, Garrus.”

“Yes. And if you don't want to see all the ways, you'd better do as I say, Harkin. You hid a turian by the name of Sidonis. I want you to make him reappear,” Garrus demanded angrily.

“I can't! It's fucking bad for business, you idiot.”

“Then make an exception,” Garrus countered and slammed the pistol butt against the side of Harkin's head. “ _Now_!”

Shepard's jaw had long since dropped at the exchange, her own pistol slack in her grip. Miranda must have seen the look of absolute worry and pain on Shepard's face, because the XO stepped over and gently patted Shepard's back in surprising support.

“All right! All right! Jesus, Garrus. I'll do it. Give me a fucking break.”

“You've got ninety seconds,” Garrus snarled out in a warning and let go of Harkin, watching with his pistol aimed as the human ran over to a nearby computer and hurriedly looked up some information. “I want you to arrange a meeting as soon as possible.”

“Okay! Sheesh!” Harkin coughed as a connection was made. “Hey. Yeah, it's me. Listen, your information got compromised. Look, I know! I'm sorry. I'm sending one of my guys to meet up with you and give you a different cover. Thirty minutes. Yeah, there's fine.”

Garrus kept his grip on the pistol firm as Harkin sighed and disconnected the call. “Done?”

“He'll meet you, thirty minutes, next ward over.” Harkin exhaled heavily, bitter blue eyes trailing past Garrus a second to see Shepard holster her gun. “Thought...that was you, too, Shepard. Not so dead after all. Cerberus puppet now, I hear. Sell-out, just like Anderson was.”

“Please, Harkin. I'm not taking the bait,” she rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.

Harkin smirked and squinted his eyes at her. “No kiss-ass biotic idiot here now to threaten me, anyway. You still owe me a few minutes with that ass, Shepard. How about a trade, Garrus? You want the exact coordinates, you leave Shepard here without her guns.”

Shepard gasped as Garrus instantly flung Harkin into the opposite wall, a sharp armored turian knee rising up to crack the human in the groin. Harkin slid to the floor, wheezing and holding himself, eyes furious on Shepard. She watched Garrus slide his foot over Harkin's throat and put his weight down. “Don't ever talk about her like that! Give me that fucking information.”

“What're you gonna do, Garrus? Kill me now? Maybe _I'm_ not the only one here who wants five minutes with Shepard's ass, huh,” Harkin choked out in a stupid grin.

Garrus increased the pressure and aimed the pistol low. “How about a broken neck?”

Harkin tapped his hand on the ground repeatedly until Garrus let up with his foot some. “Fine—fine, I'll give you the coordinates,” Harkin coughed harshly. Garrus moved back as the man stood up, clutching at the wall behind him to steady himself.

Shepard waited, ready to intervene, as Garrus received the coordinates impatiently. Then her boyfriend sat the end of the pistol against Harkin's forehead. “Wait! I did what you wanted, Garrus!”

“One last thing Harkin—Shepard's with _me_ , you piece of human shit,” Garrus snarled, face leaning closer as dangerous growls reverberated around the small room. “Got that?”

“Y-Yes!”

“Oh, I don't think you do. I think you need a fucking lesson, Harkin. You're a damn criminal, and she'smy girlfriend.”

Shepard tightly forced down her anger and stepped closer, hand coming down sharply on Garrus's arm and throwing off his aim as the bullet shot out and bounced slightly down the other part of the room. Harkin almost shouted in shock that Garrus had actually tried to shoot him while her boyfriend turned and glared at her. “Enough,” Shepard said quietly in a warning. “He's had his beating. Let it go.”

“Not yet he hasn't,” Garrus replied, eyes narrowed as he brought the pistol back onto a quivering Harkin. “No one talks like that about you.”

“He threatened me, not you, and I said let it go. You wanted me here, deal with it.”

Garrus debated for several seconds as Harkin swallowed. Finally Garrus yanked the gun away, snapping a piece on the side to prevent it from being used. Shepard watched Garrus sneer at Harkin before he blinked and brought his knee up again, jamming it into Harkin's groin a second time and stepping back as the human slid to the floor crying. “You ever talk about Shepard like that again, and you're dead. Got it?”

“Y-Yes,” Harkin whimpered, face hanging down.

Garrus threw Shepard's arm off of his as she reached to calm him. He stormed past her, calling over his shoulder, “Harkin, if those coordinates are wrong or if he's tipped off—I'm coming back, and I'm finishing what I started.”

Shepard blew past Garrus as they left the now almost puddle of a man on the ground alone. She had to get the fuck away from Garrus for a few minutes. He'd blown her off, snapped at her, almost fucking murdered Harkin in interrogation. Her brain ran with nervous scenarios as she realized that he hadn't lied to her—he had changed. She just hadn't wanted to believe it.

They silently backtracked to where the skycar was still parked. Garrus drove them to a higher point near the location, by some rafters, and parked a second. Shepard barely caught him glancing around in her peripheral until he pointed to her right. “There. I'll set up there. Get him down there and talking. When I tell you to, move so I can take the shot. Then come get me.”

Shepard swallowed, knowing she had to try one last time. Softly she looked over at him, seeing in his face so much anger and rigid preparation for what he was to do. “You're _sure_ this is what you want?”

“Yes. You're not talking me out of this, A. He doesn't deserve to breathe for what he did. His cowardice cost ten lives.”

“I...fine,” she whispered and watched as Garrus flicked his eyes over her face once. Shepard sighed because in those brief seconds he looked so upset, so unsure, so emotional and worried, but then the anger slid back into place and he climbed out and unsnapped his Mantis. Shepard took a breath and piloted the car to a nearby spot, parking and readying herself.

Miranda climbed out after her weary steps. “You all right, Shepard?”

“No. Thanks for asking.” Shepard trudged forward, eyes growing sharp as she caught sight of a nervous-looking turian that matched Garrus's description: tall, purplish markings on his cheeks, very pale plating. Shepard strode to him and casually kept in front of the turian. “You Sidonis?” she asked quietly.

The turian snapped aware, eyes wild as he looked all over the place. “Don't...don't ever say that name aloud,” he whispered in absolute fear.

Shepard's heart clenched. The fucking turian had betrayed the turian she cared for more than anything, but he was also so scared. So obviously beat up about what he'd done. “What you did was shitty,” she grumbled, eyes narrowing as she remembered the fierce look in Garrus's eyes when he'd told her how guilty he felt over failing his team.

Sidonis suddenly paused in his fear and glared at her suspiciously. “You're not here to fix my cover. Just...fucking go,” he snapped and jerked away.

Shepard instantly grabbed Sidonis and yanked him tightly to her front. “Don't fucking move.”

“Why?” he growled, wriggling a little in her hold on his arm. “Get the fuck away from me!”

“Because _I am_ the only thing standing between you and a bullet in the head,” she warned him. Shepard almost cursed herself for giving it away, for going against what Garrus wanted so badly, but at the look on Sidonis's face she knew she'd made the right call. He looked absolutely petrified.

“I...,” Sidonis choked out tightly.

“Shepard, he's shifting too much. What the hell is going on down there?” Garrus growled in her comm.

Sidonis caught Shepard glance out of habit to her side as she listened. “Spirits, he's...here, isn't he. Garrus.”

Shepard glanced back up and very carefully nodded. “Yeah. He is. He's been waiting for this.”

“I....” Sidonis turned a little and Shepard followed his movements to shield him, much to the frustration of her boyfriend harping in her comm. The turian before her shook his head sadly. “I deserve it for what I've done.”

“Why'd you do it? Why'd you sell them out? Were you such a coward to let your own men die, your friends die? To let Garrus, the one who'd helped you get a purpose on Omega, nearly die?” Shepard snapped, growing furious with Sidonis herself in his self-pity. “Do you have _any idea_ how much they fucking suffered? How much Garrus still suffers?”

“They cornered me, threatened me in all kinds of ways if I didn't do what they wanted. You're right...I shouldn't have been a fucking coward. I should have let them kill me, but I didn't know if they'd just go on to the others anyway. But I f-followed the reports. Archangel wasn't listed in the bodies. I knew Garrus made it out somehow.”

“Because of my friend giving him surgery to save his life, you fucking prick,” Shepard countered and bent her head as he bent his to keep that line of sight broken. She trusted Garrus to not try for a cheap shot around her somehow; Shepard could only imagine how suicidal such a thing would make Garrus if she were hit instead.

Sidonis whimpered and bowed his face low. “I...I have nightmares every night...of their faces. I see them. I wake up sick. Vomit a lot. I...trust me. I know what I've done. I know the cowardice I had in that moment to save myself. I hate myself.”

“Garrus, he's in pain,” Shepard relayed, unable to help herself. “He knows what he's done. He's suffering for it.”

“Not good enough,” Garrus sneered back into the comm line. “Move, Shepard. Let me take the fucking shot.”

“Would you fucking _look at him_ , Garrus, without pulling a trigger yet? Can you _hear_ him?” she hissed back in her comm, green eyes on Sidonis as the turian shook in fear and sadness. “He's fucked up and reliving his betrayal all the time. Terrified you'd come for him someday. A bullet can't do that amount of continuous damage, Garrus.”

“He doesn't deserve to _live_ , Shepard! Fucking _move_!”

“No, Garrus,” Shepard stood her ground as he growled in reply. This was it. She had to save Garrus from himself, but she was too fucking worried that she was too late. “Look at him, Garrus,” she whispered. “If you really want the shot...I'll give it to you. But you look at him first and leave with that visual, because he was once your team member, too. Your friend. And his misery could become been yours if you don't shake this hate in you.”

Sidonis choked out some rough subharmonics and looked up at her. “Garrus...please just tell him—tell him that I...nothing I can ever do will fix it. Nothing will ever make up for it. But I'm...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Garrus.”

Shepard held her breath as Garrus went silent in her comm, only his rough breathing reaching her ears. Several breaths went by before Garrus huffed, voice shaky with emotion. “Tell him...just go before I change my mind.”

“He's giving you a second chance. Do not fucking waste it,” Shepard spit out in warning as Sidonis lifted his face in complete surprise.

The turian's mandibles slackened, and he tried to look past her shoulder somewhere. “Garrus...I—thank you. I won't waste it.”

Shepard bowed slightly, then turned, Miranda by her side as she walked away from Sidonis and kept in the same line of sight as the turian as long as possible until he blended into the crowd, just in case Garrus wasn't able to handle the free view. Shepard slid into the skycar, Miranda climbing in the back. “Shepard, I'm sorry. That was very rough.”

“Thanks, Miranda. I'm sorry about dragging you in this.”

“It's fine, Shepard. You both came through for me.”

Shepard nodded at the other woman as she landed the car near Garrus's location and watched him storm over, gun hung back up on his armored back in its slot. The side door opened and he slid into the front passenger seat very tensely. Shepard didn't move the car, just sat there trying to control her breathing. “I'm sorry, Garrus. I just didn't want you to regret it.”

“I don't want to talk about it, Shepard,” he said darkly and looked away. “You got your way—you fucking knew I wouldn't shoot you to kill him, so he lived. I let him go. Let's get the fuck back to the ship.”

Miranda sat quietly in the volatile atmosphere of the car. Shepard bit back her temper and drove as fast as possible back to Zakera where they were docked. They all walked together tightly back to the airlock, Garrus absolutely silent and avoiding her, marching past a baffled Joker and to the elevator.

“Gonna give him some time?” Miranda asked her in the elevator.

“I should, but I'm not going to. I can't let him fucking stew in this.”

They both exited the elevator, having taken it down after Garrus had used it himself. Miranda quirked her lip in a sad half-smile. “I'll be in the office if you need me, Shepard.”

“I...thanks, Miri,” Shepard whispered and tried to smile back as Miranda patted her shoulder and walked off. She took several minutes to change in the medbay while Chakwas disinfected the healing cut from the mech's bullet's trail. Then, as Shepard steeled her shoulders, she approached the battery door. “EDI, let me in. I don't care if it's locked right now. And mute after I get in there. This...might be bad.”

“As you wish, Shepard,” the AI replied quietly as the door hissed open.

 

 

 

 

 


	41. The Sexy Kind of Calibration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super Mega Upload back on track and fixed in order. Jfc. Sorry about that. Using all my data to do this, so hey, hope it's worth it.  
> Happy Late Holidays. :)
> 
> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

  
  
  


“You’re pissed at me, aren’t you?”

Her question hung in the air of the battery, almost tangibly floating above their heads. Garrus kept his mandibles tight against his face as he tried to think of a way to slightly rework a firing algorithm. He’d been trying to perfect it in the nights leading up to his confrontation with Sidonis, and the moment they got back on the ship, he made a beeline straight for the battery, needing to get the hell away from Shepard for a while.

She hadn't let him take the fucking shot.

He sighed a little under his breath. It wasn’t something she could understand. What Sidonis had done despite his obvious regrets...well, he still deserved a whole lot more than nightmares.

 _But what about your own nightmares? Of her, of the team,_ his brain urged. If he didn’t know any better, Garrus would think she’d hacked his mind. It sure sounded like stuff Shepard would say to him—truths he didn’t want to hear. Because he'd had his nights of sickness, of grief eating him alive, and deep down he knew how Sidonis had to be feeling, at least some of it from having lost Shepard without being there. The guilt.

She tapped her foot once. My, she was trying to be patient. He couldn’t hide the small smirk on his face, but he angled away from her to avoid her seeing it. Finally, when a handful of minutes had slowly, silently passed, she sat down on his cot.

 _Damn_. So much for just ignoring it away. Garrus straightened. “What?”

“I said you’re pissed at me,” she repeated. Shepard had crossed her arms defensively, and the look on her face was one of constraint. He’d come to know it far too well.

Garrus shrugged. “You weren’t there. You couldn’t understand how hard it was for me to let him walk away like that.”

“I know you. You could have shot him, been okay with it for awhile, and then eventually eaten yourself alive with second thoughts,” she countered. One of her darker brows rose up into her fringe.

At that, he narrowed his eyes. “I’ve changed a lot, A. You’d be surprised.”

“Garrus, I know you've changed some. Doesn't mean it's permanent. You adapted to Omega to deal with it.”

“No, I had two years to change.” It wasn’t a lie. At the sudden, strange large-eyed look she acquired, Garrus rotated and leaned against the right gun’s wall. “And I did. Maybe you’re right. Maybe when we go die with the Collectors I’ll wonder if I did the right thing. But you’re also right at the moment—for right now, I just...I wouldn’t care. He deserved a lot more than nightmares. You'd feel very differently about it if I'd died that day. Probably have killed him, yourself.”

Shepard tilted her head and blinked slowly in thought. All she needed was a light fluttering of mandibles to complete the expression, he thought. The turian sympathy gesture wasn’t going too far with him, though. Still, she tried again. “Yeah, Garrus. Okay, I get it. You’ve gotten angry. Being on Omega let you have no red tape. It must have been equally liberating and frustrating. But deep down...am I wrong?”

“I don’t know. And it doesn’t matter anyway. He’s alive. He walked away because, as I said, you knew I wouldn’t shoot you to kill him,” Garrus grumbled out. His subharmonics echoed his stress as he cracked his neck. She watched him, puzzled. He knew she was still trying to decipher all the new sounds she could hear him making. “I did what I did. It’s over. Let it go, so I can.”

Shepard almost shrank in front of him, the small action making him sick. Spirits, he knew his anger had taken hold of him the last few hours, that he'd...been very rough with her as both his friend helping him and his concerned girlfriend. Her head tilted way down as she looked to her boots. One pale human hand moved to rest on the back of her neck, fingers gently brushing the red fringe that had started to grow longer as it hung to the side of her face and throat. She stilled, the only sound echoing in the room came from the gentle rubbing of her fingers.

Garrus watched her and inwardly groaned, feeling his stomach roll in guilt. Whatever resolve he had built up, whatever anger he still contained inside at her forcing him to spare Sidonis...it partially melted at the scene in front of him. He didn’t move. At this point he was unsure of what to say to fix anything. He was still so angry, so resentful, but he felt so fucking bad because the haze of his anger had cleared enough for him to remember she'd been fucking nicked by a bullet and he'd...barely stopped after she'd argued she was fine to keep moving. Blue turian eyes flicked instantly to her left arm, finding a small bandage over a spot just below where her sleeve cut off. Garrus closed his eyes in guilt. She'd been hurt because he'd been so pushy.

So, yet again, she surprised him when she said, randomly, “I’m sorry.”

Garrus’s brow plates shifted as he registered her words. “Why?”

“Because I guess I was trying to be me. Commander Shepard, savior of innocents and second chances. Because I guess I was trying to make sure you didn’t have more death on your mind, death from someone you knew...someone you once cared about,” she softly said, her eyes still pinned on her boots. “I guess I had hoped this change wasn't...such a bad set back. That you were still you.”

He shifted, feeling rather chastised by that remark and wondering if she was a little afraid of him now. Garrus dropped his arms to his sides as he forced himself to relax into a more visibly calm position, not wanting her to fear him. With a lighter fluctuation in his subharmonics, he replied, “I am how I am, Shepard. I...yeah, I've been angry, but I'm...I'm still me despite that deep down. Still the...the turian you want. And I know you’re still going to want to save people. Just remember not all should be saved, I suppose. And not every friend, betrayer, or whatever is Kaidan or Ashley.”

Her eyes snapped up to his. Garrus wasn't surprised to see some mild anger there, but he wasn't sure what the source was this time.

“Because each of us is godly enough to know who deserves a second chance, right?” She glared at him.

Garrus took the bait, feeling unfulfilled from earlier. “Don’t wish Kaidan back since Ash has turned into a hateful human bitch to you. Technically you’re with her enemy. It makes sense, but she still shouldn’t have reacted so mistrustfully.”

“You seriously think I’m still talking about Kaidan or Ashley. Wow, you turians really _are_ bone headed,” she ground out. Shepard rose quickly and moved to stalk past him, the anger evident in her tight steps.

“Shepard, wait,” Garrus said and reached out in worry. She barely paused to look back at him, at the hand near her right arm. He withdrew it at her intense stare. “Just explain to me, the bone head turian.”

Her green eyes lit up the tiniest bit. It was the only sign his humor had done anything for her before she shook her head. Shepard switched her stance in front of him. It was still defensive. “Why? I think you’ve made your points. You've changed to the point when you're mad enough you shove me the fuck away like I don't matter anymore. You want me to let go? Fine. I need some time, so you'll get all the space you want and maybe more.”

Garrus swallowed, fear tearing his gut apart. “What...does that mean?”

“It means despite how fucking afraid I have been for your emotional well-being, I'm not letting myself get subjected to that treatment again. You got your wish. Go get a fucking car and shoot him if you want. I don't care anymore. Contact Joker so we don't leave without you, if you even want to stay on.” Shepard rolled her shoulders and turned away. “Bye, Garrus.”

“No! Don't, please don't,” Garrus begged in panicked tones as he came closer to her, ready to run for the door if he had to. Spirits, if his anger had blinded him so much he might lose her over it.... Quickly he apologized, “I'm sorry, A. I'm so fucking sorry. I should have...done a lot of that differently. Is your arm okay, baby?”

“Grazed, disinfected. Fine.”

He tried to ignore how curt her words were as he desperately explained. “I _am_ sorry, Shepard, for snapping at you, for your wound, for all of it. I hate that I did those things, and if I could go back, I'd take the fucking bullet that hit your arm for myself. It's just...this crap with Sidonis...I can logically explain it, I can talk it to death, but I can’t stop the residual hatred I feel every time I think of him. Is it wrong that some part of me was fine with him feeling sick all the time in his guilt? Maybe, maybe you’re right in that his guilt _is_ a decent enough punishment.

“I...Athena, he didn’t just kill my squad by being a coward. He got my _friends_ killed, the only ones I’d been able to make. The only ones who didn’t ask about my past, about the fact that I murmured all the time as I talked to you in my head,” Garrus finally admitted. He curled his talons into his palms as he paced a little. “We all had our problems. And with them around, I didn’t ache as badly. I didn’t wake up...keening every night, like a damn child.”

Shepard relaxed somewhat; her arms loosened in their defensive hold and her eyes softened just enough. “Garrus.”

“I know. It was pathetic,” he ground out. He turned and leaned against the right side wall, his fringe lightly scraping it. He closed his eyes tightly as he fought to shove the dark, lonely memories back down where they belonged, fought to not get swallowed in guilt.

And then he felt it, the brief flitting pressure to his good cheek. He cracked a blue eye open to see her pull back gently, her lips still somewhat red from kissing him. Garrus swallowed at the tension in his body. She gave him a small, reassuring smile that made him feel far better than she could have realized; it meant she hadn't given up on him. “I’m right here, big guy. You can talk to me for real now.”

“I know. I have.”

“And do I help?” she asked quietly.

“Yes,” he answered, blinking as he watched her hands settle over his armor’s cowl ridge, as if they belonged there. They did. “You have. I just wish I could let some of this crap go. I know it's poisoning me, Shepard, and changing me more than I want.”

She pulled her mouth to one side and chewed a little on her bottom lip. His eyes riveted straight to the action despite trying to keep focused on her. “You will, Garrus. You just need more time. I’m sorry I...let you down.”

“You didn’t, Athena. It's...it'll be okay. He still has to live with himself, like you said. And...you’re alive. You're here, with me. We’ve talked...and stuff,” he coughed out, slightly embarrassed. Good memories flooded him now, but they were starting to have a physical effect on him. “It's helped a lot.”

She grinned broadly, soothing him more with that smile than even her earlier kiss to his cheek had. “And stuff.”

Garrus ran with the change of tone, eager to keep her from being so angry with him again despite it being deserved. He'd do anything to keep her from walking out and leaving him the way she almost had. “Yeah, you know. Interspecies awkwardness stuff.”

“That’s what you call us being intimate...? You do realize, Garrus, that those words are so _not_ romantic, right?” Shepard leaned a little closer, as one of her hands trailed up to sit lovingly on the bandage of his face.

Garrus huffed, though he sent her little vibrations of excitement. “Yeah. Sorry. I suck at being romantic. Sexy I can handle, romance I miss...but some of your human vids show romance in a very different way from my culture. Gifts all the time, surprises, some sort of red Earth flower....”

“You’ll get better,” she teased. “And I’m willing to meet you half way, culturally.”

“Okay.” Garrus gave into his urges and bent. He kissed her soft, human lips and marveled once more at how they felt against his mouth. How could any turian think this was wrong? Spirits, nothing had ever felt more right. “And, A.?”

Shepard broke the kiss for a second to say, “Yeah?”

“I know it’s still upsetting you to constantly see that time did pass, that people you cared about underwent a lot of change while you were gone. It’s not your fault. And you _do_ deserve a second chance,” he whispered. Garrus wrapped his arms around her small body and pulled her close. “I'm so sorry for earlier. I was just so...so angry, and I...you were hurt. I yelled at you a lot, didn't listen. Please forgive me, Athena. I hate knowing I treated you that way. It's...the type of behavior I'd kill Chellick for doing to you, if things were different. I'd tell you to dump me for it, but...that might break me, so...so please don't. I'm sorry, baby.”

She didn’t say anything, but he could smell a few tears in her eyes. Garrus decided he was going to start trying to be more romantic right then and there, just so she wouldn’t feel sad anymore—he owed her that much. He turned and backed toward the cot, pulling her with him. As his armored legs made contact with the metal frame, he sat down. Shepard stood a little awkwardly before him, as if uncertain, those tears still in her eyes unshed. Garrus swallowed down the guilt, managed the sexiest look he thought he could make with half of his face bandaged and pulled her forward onto his lap.

Immediately she relaxed. Her legs lined up over his as she rose a little on her knees to kiss him. He kissed back with those gentle pushes of his mouth, pursing as much as he could. Garrus knew it would never be the same as another human kissing her, but he hoped it would be enough. Shepard snaked her hands up around his neck and pulled herself closer to his body. He instantly regretted always wearing armor in case of a pop-up mission.

“E-EDI,” he stuttered, trying to form a coherent thought as her small, flexible and wet human tongue slid itself around under his jaw. Her left hand had traveled slowly upward to graze his fringe, fingers stroking backward to the ends as her right hand trailed his neck up and down underneath the fringe. The minx had remembered how erogenous those zones were and had apparently been doing her _own_ research at turian seduction.

“Hnnnngghh,” Garrus groaned low and long, unable to process the overwhelming pleasure. He could smell their excited scents mingling, and it was driving him wild. He felt the plates start to shift over his groin slit to expose him.

She pressed a kiss to his uninjured mandible and moved to do the same to his nose. Their eyes caught. “No worries. She’s been offline since I walked in.”

“Oh, thank the Spirits then,” he half-growled and gripped her tightly. His nose dipped once her lips had moved up to his brow. Garrus let his tongue slip out to graze her delicate jaw. He remembered how she liked when he licked near her ear and downward, and so he mimicked the motion and earned a small, delicious moan in reward.

“Mm. Garrus,” she uttered, breathy. Her fingers tightened on and under his fringe as he continued his ministrations to her throat.

He trilled a little, despite himself. “Like my long turian tongue, huh.”

“Y-Yes!” Shepard shifted on his body. He didn’t understand at first until he felt his pelvis rise up to her. Mm, indeed, he thought. “Maybe you’ll find other uses for it soon enough.”

Garrus glanced upward at her, confused. Licking her body was, uh, all he could do besides kissing, right? “What do you mean?”

“One day. Don’t worry about it,” she murmured. Shepard’s green eyes were heavy as they bore into his. “Just kiss me. Make me forget all this stress for a while.”

“That an order, Commander?” he asked, his voice strained with desire. If he could have, he would have winked at her. He went with a look he had learned made her weak: one brow raised, eyes half-closed, intent fully displayed.

Shepard moaned at it and playfully smirked at him. “From a woman to her boyfriend.”

“I like that,” he replied and leaned forward.

Hands shifted over both bodies as he carefully tilted his head to meet hers. Garrus felt the pressure building inside and the burn begin in his veins. Spirits, who knew human lips could feel so _good_. Her tongue flicked over his mouth, teasing. Garrus inwardly grinned and let his gently touch her lower lip, tracing it slowly. Shepard moaned into him before he felt her press closer. Garrus’s grip on her hips tightened. His body tried to angle itself to feel the most pressure over his groin as it slipped out a little more under his armor; she seemed to enjoy his efforts. Garrus groaned while their tongues danced, as hers carefully entered his mouth and rubbed a little against the sides of his teeth.  
  
The way she tasted—it was unlike anything he’d ever had before, a taste new to him each time they did this. Whatever her flavor was, it was certainly addictive. They groaned into each other as she ground herself against his armor, like it wasn’t there. If this kept up there _wouldn’t_ be any.

As they kept kissing, Garrus took in each of her little moans, each of the tiny, but delicious sounds she made and felt them go straight to his groin. The plates shifted completely and he found himself partially presented, hard and tucked under his armor. His subharmonics all spoke of his desire, of his need for her. He wasn’t sure she understood them, but her pheromones were responding each time he vocalized. It was maddening, and all he wanted was to strip her and mount her there on the floor of the battery.

They finally broke the long kiss. Shepard drew in a ragged breath and fluttered her fingertips gently down his neck and underneath the bit of cloth protecting his skin in the armor. Garrus grit his teeth. “Spirits, A. I have to get some of this off.”

“So soon?” she asked, her voice light and her laugh husky.

Garrus pinned her with his glazed sexual look. “I’m trapped down there, damn it.”

“Want me to fix it?”

“ _Yes_.” They both may have originally wanted to take this physical stuff slow—he might have wanted to wait longer to woo her at it, but his hard, trapped erection was no longer caring about going nice and easy. “Please,” he begged.

Shepard smiled, bit her lower lip and kissed him again. He started kissing back once he felt her shift her hands. They slid down his armor as if it were his skin, slowly and seductively until they went to his hips. Like magic, the armor clasps quickly came undone. And just that fast she got him to fully come out of the pelvic slit. Garrus gasped at how fast it happened.

“How, how did you....” his question trailed off as she gently tugged and opened part of the groin area, the same way he would if he had to piss in the middle of a fight. He felt quite naked despite having the black under armor suit covering his most intimate part that was rather noticeable through the cloth. Excited nervousness ate him alive as he waited for what was to come.

“I’ve stared at you in armor for how long now? I think I’ve memorized all the clasps, snaps and ways it stays on.”

“Memorizing my armor. Dirty girl.” _My very dirty human girlfriend_ , he gleefully thought.

“Like you haven’t memorized my armor clasps,” she teased, her lower half wriggling a little as her scent grew more excited.

Garrus groaned a little at her movements. Shepard looked smug for a second and then intrigued as she glanced slowly downward to where he was obviously standing at attention, pressed against his lower belly, and somewhat visible, shape wise, through the under suit. Garrus about squirmed when he smelled her scent get deeply needy. He was thrilled that she enjoyed him, that she liked him there, especially as he had no idea how he'd compare to anything she knew. And, well, she'd felt him somewhat before, but she'd not been facing him this way then. She flicked her eyes back to his with a rough swallow. “ _Damn,_ Garrus.”

“That an approval?” he asked, nerves jolting deliciously at her excitement. It still struck him that it was strange for him to respond to her human reactions, but he didn't care. He was too deeply attracted to her now to care.

Shepard's cheeks were a light red. “That was a 'damn I can't believe I'm this lucky and you're this sexy' approval, Garrus.”

“Mm. I'll never get what you see in me, but I'll totally take it,” he quipped and gave a soft sexual growl at the feel of her inquisitive fingers grazing the thick, protective cloth separating them. It felt strangely good despite being very sensitive. When he thought about it, he never really had been _touched_ much there. Too many sharp points on turian women.

Shepard leaned back a little, her eyes questioning as they darted up to meet his gaze. At her unsure expression, Garrus gingerly took some of her fingers and, with a quick breath, pressed them against his erection through the cloth. He hissed at the contact and didn’t stop the instinctual thrust of his hips against her fingers. She went with his direction and started to lightly stroke over him, tracing his long, somewhat tapered shape, growing bolder enough to rub him harder and faster over the under suit.

“Spirits, Athena,” he practically snarled in desperate need. The hormones were rising too quickly. It scared him. Need that strong when they emotionally weren’t ready for it could be bad. But Spirits, he wanted it. Already he was envisioning mounting her and losing himself in ways he never had before: Shepard on her hands and knees, Garrus slamming into her from behind, vocalizing more than he ever had as he bit into her throat, marking her. “Oh, babe,” he murmured, blue eyes heavy. “Don't stop.”

She nodded and continued nibbling on that reddened lower lip as she touched him. A couple minutes later Garrus finally snapped, unable to just sit any longer. He rose, lifted her with him and moved to the weapons bench inches away. He sat her ass down on top of it and heard a muffled electronic response to the interface starting up. She wrapped her legs around and over his hips, pulling him close. Shepard’s arms moved upward and tugged his neck down to kiss him heavily once more, only now with just cloth separating both of them from each other in that particularly pleasing spot.

“Fuck!” Garrus growled with pleasure before making thrumming vocals that more or less purred so loudly she could feel them as much as she heard them. He could feel his natural lubrication wetting the suit, but he didn't care. Somehow between it all, he felt...something soft, something amazing when he pressed to her body—nothing he'd ever felt before with her soft body and flexibility. Shepard moaned into his mouth as their lower bodies kept brushing together, tentatively at first, then harder and rougher. Garrus’s hypersensitive cock jerked at the increasing pressure, and though he felt self-conscious about practically dry humping his girlfriend, he didn't care. He swallowed shakily as he pushed against her again and she shuddered in his arms. “A-Athena, I-I need....”

“You sure you’re ready?” she asked below him.

He shook his head, his body vibrating. “No. I want our first time to be...great. R-Romantic. Not just going at it on the weapons modification bench...but Spirits, I don’t know if I can hold back. I...I don't think I can this time.”

“Maybe we should go upstairs,” Shepard whispered near his cheek. “We can be...louder...there.”

Garrus heartily kissed her, uncaring at that moment if she scraped her tongue on his teeth. He pressed tightly to her body, letting her feel what he always had for her, as his gloved hands dug into her hips and pulled her tightly to his groin. He trembled at her soft moan. Garrus groaned in return, deep in his throat, and thrust against her again.

They were...they were going to really do this. In moments he'd be inside of her, just as his body had been demanding for fucking years now. If only he’d be able to calmly make it to the elevator. That was going to be the performance of a lifetime.

Neither one heard the battery door open behind them. Both were far too absorbed in the sensations, the physicality and emotionally charged atmosphere of each other to notice the sound, the tiniest change in pressure.

It was, in fact, the high-pitched squealing gasp of Tali that froze them both.

Garrus felt ice freeze the blood in his veins. At the sudden block of hormones inside of him, his cock twitched once against Shepard’s body. She had both quickly and carefully pulled her lips and tongue from his mouth in order to glance around his shoulder. Garrus shuddered at the loss and barely stopped his hips from trying to thrust again instinctively.

“Uh. Hi, uh, Tali,” Shepard croaked, her voice raw from restrained sexual need.

He couldn’t see Tali behind him, but Shepard’s eyes were huge. The young quarian’s must have been, too.

“I...I’m going to go now.” The quick flat noises of her steps echoed as the door opened and closed; they heard the hiss this time.

Garrus considered what Tali must have seen: he still had his hands on Shepard’s hips, his groin obviously pressed into her with his hips angled forward. Her knees were resting a bit over the spurs of his hip bones. He didn’t have to do research to know it looked like they had been further along than they actually were in their intimacy.

“Shit.” She pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. “Let me down. I have to go check on her.”

Garrus gave a deep sigh as he forced his limbs to disengage from her. He took a heavy step backward and watched her jump to her feet as he clasped his armor back in place, annoyed that his erection wasn't going down at all yet. Shepard ran a hand through her hair in front of him, her mind obviously thinking faster than the emotions crossing her face. Garrus gently took her shoulder. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Just have to figure out how to, you know. Explain us. I...hadn't yet.” She shook her head a little. “I bet she hates me.”

Garrus frowned. “Why?”

“Christ, Garrus, you can’t tell me that year or so aboard the first _Normandy_ wasn’t really all spent with you and I thinking of each other, can you? Didn’t you notice Tali’s...inclinations?” Shepard smacked the flats of her palms against her thighs. “Damn me for being selfish and insensitive. I bet she likes Reegar, but she doesn't know about us.”

He leaned forward and kissed her human brow. “It’ll be fine.”

“She really liked you then. Maybe she still does. I should have said—but I didn’t know if I should. I haven’t told anyone except my mother recently in a very secure message,” Shepard grumbled. “At least she was thrilled, like Karin and Joker.”

Garrus swelled with happiness at knowing they had Hannah Shepard’s approval. Still, he wanted _his_ Shepard to not worry so much. “Tali’s a strong, rebounding person. It’ll be okay.”

“But, Garrus.”

“I’m never going to apologize for wanting you, a human, over anyone else out in the galaxy,” he stated firmly. “So, don’t you do it either.”

Shepard leaned into him a little. “I would never apologize for that. I just feel bad for hurting her feelings, if I have.”

“By doing what?”

“Getting caught making out with her possible crush, I don’t know.”

Garrus briefly licked under her nearest earlobe. “I don’t think that’s exactly how it looked from the doorway. And remember, these hormones don’t leave because you do, woman. You owe me one later—one _very good, very hot_ one later.”

“Oh! Oh shit, you’re right. That’s worse.” Shepard rose quickly on her toes and kissed him on the mouth. “Sorry! I’ll make it up to you. I’ve got to go. Message you in a bit, Garrus.”

He kissed her back and turned, stepping out of her way. Garrus watched the woman he desired, the human he was admittedly falling deeply for, run off to feel terrible, in part, for what they’d just done. Maybe he’d have his own talk with Tali, if it didn’t go well.

  
  
  


 


	42. Bosh'tets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

  
  
  


Shepard hightailed it to the elevator, her nerves all wound up. On one hand she had just gotten the farthest physically with Garrus that they'd ever gotten together. And it had been amazing. She blushed inwardly as she pressed the button for engineering, thinking back to how fantastic he felt even under the suit—large, pulsing, thicker near the bottom and still hidden from her eyes. It seemed like their time was coming soon, if the rush of sexual energy upstairs was anything to go by, and she was excited to find out just how soon.

But what was she going to do now? Because honestly if Tali hadn't stopped them, they may not have made it upstairs. That bothered her for two reasons: First, she agreed with Garrus—they needed to make their first time together as special as it really would be, and secondly, it also confirmed her fear of their relationship possibly disrupting the crew. She was in too deep to want to back out now, though, and hoped by talking with Tali she could get some more perspective. And apologize. Hell.

The elevator settled and she walked out, fingers running through her hair as she made an immediate right and entered into the main engineering rooms. She glanced over, saw Ken and Gabby talking, and waved to them. “Hey, guys, Tali come through here?”

Ken turned, smiling at her and saluting a little. “Aye, Commander. Went near the core, I think. Right, Gabby?”

“Pretty sure. Everything okay, Commander?” Gabby asked, concerned as she uncrossed her arms.

Shepard put on her impassive face. “Yeah, just needed to ask her something personal. Mind catching a break for a bit? Have you had dinner yet on shift?”

“You know, I really _really_ like working for Shepard,” Ken laughed and took Gabby's shoulder. “Early break! Let us go!”

“Well, okay, Commander. If you say it's okay.”

Shepard nodded. “Please, like I said we need some space and you could use a break being on longer shifts than the rest.”

“Gabby, c'mon, lass! Don't jinx this awesome moment!” Ken grumbled and steered the curious woman out of engineering altogether.

Shepard took a deep breath, exhaled, and moved forward to the core view. Sure enough Tali was sitting by the interface, her helmet propped against the machine. The quarian didn't say anything when Shepard sat down next to her. Shepard sighed and hooked her wrists around her bent knees. “So.”

“Yep.”

“Tali, I'm sorry you walked in on that. I thought I'd locked the door,” Shepard explained and leaned back similarly, eyes closed. “I didn't...uh, know for sure if.... I don't know what to...this sucks.”

Tali shocked her by giggling a little behind her helmet. The quarian young woman shifted next to her on the floor. “What do you mean, Shepard?”

“Look, Garrus and I...we've...shit. We've been together for a while, and we've kept it hushed mostly because I'm still building with the new crew, and we didn't know how it would be received by all. Were probably going to get official around the time I got spaced, but then that...happened. So...then when we met up again...he didn't take no for an answer. Well, it was more like he said we got official or we were completely professional without friendship.” Shepard rubbed her face with her palms. “Cocky turian. Always has been.”

“Of course. You're dating the self-admitted bad turian.” Tali tilted her helmet and looked sideways at Shepard. “Why are you telling me this, Shepard?”

Shepard reddened. “Well. Uh. I'd like to think you and I got to be friends before...and I just wanted to explain. Apologize for not telling you about us yet and for...up there. If you...were going to see him for something similar or felt something...um. It's hot on this fucking floor, how do you handle this?”

Tali's glowing eyes blinked slowly once, twice, and then rapidly a few times. Shepard turned away and hung her head, feeling awkward as hell. Then Tali erupted into giggles again. “Oh, Shep. You're so adorable when you're not angry and shooting things.”

“What?” Shepard's head shot up, confused. “But aren't you...mad? I mean, I thought maybe back before you might have felt...but I...fuck I'm such a bad friend.”

“Shepard! No, no, you're not. _Keelah_.” Tali scooted closer and put a dainty three-fingered hand on Shepard's bare arm. “Look, Shepard, if you're apologizing because you think I have feelings for Garrus and you both are obviously...something...please don't.”

“But!”

“I don't, Shepard. Maybe I had a slight crush on him when I first met him on the ship back when we went after Saren. But then I saw you interact together on Feros, and I understood. There was a lot going on there, from both of you, whether you guys knew it or not.” Tali squeezed gently on Shepard's arm, trying to be reassuring. “I dropped that crush fast. It only got more obvious from that point on how you two felt.”

“Obvious? Fuck,” Shepard mumbled, but patted Tali's hand. “Well, I'm glad you're not mad at me. Thanks. Did everyone know back then?”

Tali shifted back into her previous position and tapped her helmet's chin in thought. “Hmm. Liara knew. She and I used to make little bets on who was going to do what awkward thing next...staring or whatnot. I don't know about Williams. Probably noticed, but didn't say much. Wrex was always giving Garrus these amused looks. I remember him saying something about his sense of smell being better than yours a few times, whatever that means,” Tali recalled, a light laugh coming from her mic. “So maybe they figured you two were horribly awkward and didn't want to make it worse.”

Shepard banged her head backward on the console. “Ow! Well...lovely. How embarrassing. I thought I was being very subtle. And I wasn't completely sure he even felt something back that way!”

“Oh, he did. It was so awkward, too, because we could tell he'd never gone through that before with someone not turian. And you know, Shep, that living on a ship makes things very compact. Tight quarters and all. It's much easier to notice things that way,” Tali explained with some smile in her voice. “Otherwise people probably didn't without being immediate crew.”

“Oh. Well that's better then.” Shepard raised a brow and looked over to Tali. “So you're absolutely sure you, uh.”

Tali cackled and put her arms over her stomach in laughter. When she finally caught a breath over her mic, she answered, “Oh, Shepard. Seriously. I was just going to ask him about an algorithm he had helped me with recently. He wasn't answering my ping messages on his omni-tool, so I figured he'd gotten buried in calibrations again.”

Shepard stared at her dumbfounded. “Oh.”

“So yeah. Nothing to worry about, I promise!”

“Well I...you can see why I would have, um.”

“Sure, but I promise. You're like my sister, Shep, and Garrus is like a big brother. Don't worry.” Tali's eyes wrinkled up with love behind her helmet so that even Shepard could see her sweet gesture.

Shepard finally exhaled lowly, smiling stupidly in relief. “You have no idea how glad I am. I've been so worried about it interfering and disrupting things on the ship. We've gotten very careful for the most part if we...have moments. Usually in my quarters. Before you got there we'd been arguing about the stuff that went down over Sidonis. And then...yeah. Things happened.”

“Oh, I know. I saw a result at least.” Tali chuckled and pulled her knees up, wrapping her arms around them like Shepard had before. “Honestly, I'm glad you're a couple. Makes me feel like the Reapers can't kill everything good around us, that people can try to find happiness even now.”

Shepard smiled softly at her friend. “You're a gem, Tali. Thanks for sticking with me here. I trust you and Garrus more than anyone on the ship next to Karin and Joker. But...thanks. It means a lot. I know us being in a cross-species relationship won't be easy for some people to swallow.”

“Well, think about it. Who else could get what you've gone through and be the right person? It makes sense. Besides, you're practically a turian female. Trust me, I've been around them. You have very similar personality traits to several I've met on Pilgrimage. So Garrus crossing the line I can understand.” Tali patted Shepard's shoulder. “I think you're great together.”

Shepard paused, thinking about Tali's comparison of her to a female turian. Without realizing it her face had fallen.

“Shepard? What's wrong? Did I say something inappropriate? Oh damn culture differences,” Tali ground out and moved closer. “ _Keelah_ , Shepard. Talk to me here.”

Shepard stared ahead, a bit dazed. “I'm practically a female turian.”

“Well, you're certainly familiar in personality to several I've known, yes. Strong, a leader, able to fight and stand on her own, direct, able to command respect and get it. Don't put up with a lot of crap.”

“...oh God, Tali.” Shepard blinked, feeling rocked by the thought.

Tali stared at her for a few moments before wheezing through her mic. “ _Keelah_ , Shepard! I don't mean! No, no, no, Garrus doesn't like you just because you're like a female of his species! I meant it may have helped him feel more comfortable branching into a new territory with the inter-species thing. Trust me.”

“But, Tali. How much of that could have been shaped...? I mean, I've always treated him with turian gestures. Given him respect he couldn't have gotten from Alliance people, simply because of a lack of education on culture or prejudice. Oh, God.” Shepard covered her face, her stomach rolling. How much of Garrus's feelings had been influenced by her similarity to typical female turian attitudes? Sure, individuals were all different, but the collective experiences most turians went through in their civilization bred a ton of similarity, too.

Tali swallowed loudly enough for Shepard to hear it. “Garrus wouldn't...no. Shepard, please don't question that. Trust me, he never takes his eyes off you if he can help it. You are you, Shepard. And honestly, you're the most understandable human I've ever met. I can see where he may have come from originally because you are so empathetic and willing to learn and help other aliens in ways they can understand and appreciate. That doesn't take away from who you are or make me think of you in a false way. I don't think you're a quarian even though you sure debate like one sometimes. He doesn't think you're a turian just because you have some of those traits...he's probably attracted to the traits themselves, not the species origin he knows.”

“I hope so, Tali.” Shepard chewed on her lip.

“Trust me. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Shepard, you're not trusting me yet are you?” Tali laughed a little, but stood and extended a hand to Shepard. The human took it, rising up and looking awkward next to Tali. “C'mon.”

“Where? Why?”

“You're going to hear him verify everything I just told you. Now.”

Shepard felt Tali begin to lead her away and dug in her boot heels. “Ohhh, no. No, you don't! I'm too embarrassed, and I have reports, and NO.”

“But!”

“Tali'zorah! I'll fucking die when he looks at me after hearing that.”

Tali stopped dragging her and shook her helmet. “I'm sure it'll be this face.”

“What face?” Shepard asked, confused.

Tali snorted. “Oops. You can't see it. Well, I'm not risking infection for you to see. But I think he'd be confused and then amused and reassuring.”

“Or think deeply and be horrified.”

“Oh, that's it. I'm calling him down here.”

“Tali!”

Tali brought up her omni-tool and pinged Garrus just as Shepard managed to tackle her to the side. Garrus's voice came through in chunks that were hard to hear over the ruckus. “But Shepard!” Tali cried out in frustration.

“Damn it, Tali, no!”

“Shepard, you're acting like a baby!” Tali said and switched off her omni-tool, hoping the turian had heard enough.

Shepard froze at her words, looking horrified. Because the quarian was absolutely right, and it made her feel disgusted with herself. How she'd been feeling often, lately, now that she thought about it. “Oh God, Tali, I'm so sorry. I don't know what got into me. I've not...been myself. I.... I'm so sorry.”

“Hey, it's okay.” Tali scooted on her knees as Shepard withdrew and pulled the human into a hug. “I know you're still struggling with the...spacing thing. And I felt so bad that I couldn't come with you on Freedom's Progress. Believe me. But I never questioned you, Shepard. I believe you and in you. You can be yourself again. You don't have to be afraid we'll leave you. It's okay, Shepard.”

Shepard choked a little as she hugged the quarian back. “Damn it, that was beautiful, Tali.” The human commander rubbed her wet eyes and stared at her friend. “You guys...you were never just my crew. You were all my friends. The only ones I've really ever had. When I...woke up and found out all that time had passed...I felt so alone. So discarded, even though I know that's not fair in a way. Like I've said, it was days for me. Not years. So I'm sorry if I've been rude about anything. You're right though. With this mission being what it is...I don't want to see anything happen to you guys. Part of me wants to kick you all out so you'll be safe a little while longer. It's such a huge risk for everyone to be a part of this.”

“We know what we signed on for, Shepard. You. The greater good. Kicking Reaper butt, even if it is through a different group at the moment. Don't worry and don't push us away, okay? We're not here for Cerberus. We're here for you.” Tali squeezed Shepard tightly while the human simply smiled and returned it with great appreciation.

“Damn. I hate feeling this stupid and emotional and vulnerably needy. It screws up my regular ability to block stuff out and do what I have to.”

“I think you can do that anyway. You've only lost some spark, but you'll get it back.”

Just then the right side engineering doors opened and Garrus barged in, arms splayed to catch his balance. “What the hell is going on? I got some garbled message, and it sounded like fighting, and Spirits, are you guys...on the floor...holding each other?”

“Hey, Garrus,” Tali greeted and let Shepard go with another gentle squeeze before helping Shepard to stand. “We just...had a talk.”

“Okay...so....?” Garrus relaxed his stance, but kept his concerned expression as he turned to his girlfriend. “You all right?”

Shepard exhaled and rolled her shoulders. “Yeah.”

“Shep just needed some girl talk. Things get rough with this mission, and we need to vent and let ourselves not be weighed by our responsibilities so much,” Tali explained and patted Shepard's arm.

Shepard nodded sheepishly. “Sorry, again.”

“Don't be. Like I said, you're rather adorable when you're not pissed and shooting things.”

“I still find her adorable then,” Garrus mused. “So...I take it you guys are okay? And we're good?”

Tali laughed as Shepard blushed furiously. “Garrus, I'd only wanted to ask you about the algorithm you helped me work out for the engines last week. You weren't responding to your omni-tool.”

“Oh. Figures.” Garrus smirked and stepped a little closer to Shepard. “So what were the, uh, fighting sounds about then?”

Shepard sighed and looked to Tali before her eyes rested on his completely. “I'm practically a female turian.”

Garrus's brow plates rose at the edges. “What?”

“I have similar personality traits. I know some of the culture and have treated you somewhat similarly. Maybe that's why you...care about me. I remind you of a female turian,” Shepard said, her posture going straighter in her nervousness. Tali drew a hand to her helmet again in concern.

Garrus paused, tilted his head in sympathetic thought and then chuckled a little to himself. “Damn, woman. You drive me crazy.”

“What?” Shepard asked in confusion.

“So what if you have some of those traits? Yeah, the similarity is nice, but you _own_ those traits. It's what you add to them, how you express them that I like. You're a female I would look for, and I have, and you just happened to be human instead of turian.” Garrus stepped closer and took her hands in his, pulling his girlfriend into his arms and ignoring the little squeal from Tali next to them. “Athena, I've tried dating other turians. Some even a bit like you. But something was always missing, and it's something _you_ have. You're _special_ , damn it. Just accept that.”

Shepard stared into his blue eyes, swallowing roughly. How was he always able to speak directly to her heart? To make her so awed? “You're sure that couldn't have influenced anything? That one day you're not going to wake up and wonder what the hell you're doing?”

“So what if it did influence a little? It made me feel more comfortable around you, closer. Able to transcend differences we have naturally. Doesn't mean I fell for a construct. I fell for _you_ , the human Spectre hero I've seen take down evil without a second thought. The woman who has done what is right and stood up for those without much of a voice.” Garrus wrapped his arms tightly about her and nuzzled her face. “You're not a turian, Shepard. I wouldn't wish you were. You're a human who gets turians, and I love that. It makes you more special.”

Shepard nodded against his cowl, her voice muffled as she replied, “Thanks, Garrus. I just...I got concerned and with all this shit going on, I didn't want a huge blow up in my face or yours. Stupid to have considered it, I guess.”

“You always think about things deeply. It's how you fix problems. It's also how you drive yourself and me crazy,” he teased, blue eyes twinkling.

Tali rocked on her feet nearby with a sigh. “See, Shepard? I told you. I tried to get her to come up and talk to you and she flipped the hell out, so then I tried to get you down here by calling.”

Garrus laughed again, the sound lightly echoing around the tight area. “I see.”

“I'm sorry, you guys. I hate feeling this stupidly emotional and insecure. It was never this bad before,” Shepard inserted angrily at herself. “I don't want to feel like this. This isn't me. But it's...difficult sometimes.”

“Babe, you've gone through a fuck ton of stuff in the last months. It's fine, believe me, I don't blame you,” Garrus replied and stroked her back.

Tali nodded. “Like I said. I believe in you. You'll bounce back. Maybe talking to Chambers will help? She's Cerberus, but she seems different somehow.”

Shepard considered this then blushed. “Maybe.”

“Please don't tell me you have the shrink stigma. _Keelah_ , Shepard, this mission is hard enough that she's put here for everyone's needs!”

“No, no,” Shepard said and buried her face in Garrus's cowl. She mumbled something incoherent.

“What, A.?”

Shepard moved her face so her cheek rested against him. She looked at Tali, a bit embarrassed. “When we first brought Garrus on and he was recovering from surgery, Chambers...um. Said some things.”

“Like?” Tali asked, intrigued.

“I think she was into Garrus. Something about wanting to hug him in his vulnerability. I don't remember. But I...I told her I was taking care of him and...he didn't need hugs from other women,” Shepard muttered.

Garrus vibrated with laughter. “Aw. It's okay. You got jealous.”

“Remind me to say that to you when we see Chellick again and you're all territorial,” she teased back. “I rarely meet other xenophile types in humanity. Especially ones who, until I made it um...understood that there was something between us, may have tried to be more than friendly with you.”

“Well, then,” Garrus snickered and bent to rub her head with his non-wounded mandible, then kissed her.

“Aw!” Tali giggled a little, her hands at her mic. “True, Shepard. I hadn't thought about her 'loving' everyone. Wow. Well at least she's not going to make any, um, moves. Should still talk to her about other stuff, though. Seriously.”

“But, Tali. How awkward would that be?” Shepard asked. She rubbed her face into Garrus's cowl, smiling to herself when he vibrated at the action and she felt it. He was making similar sounds to what he had earlier...a type of rumbling. Happy rumbling.

“I don't trust Cerberus, but I have to say I don't mind Kelly. And Ken and Gabby, too.” Tali said and shrugged her shoulders.

Shepard looked up, her chin resting against Garrus. “You?”

“Honestly, I think Tali's right. Even Jacob and Miranda have been coming around and not being so 'Cerberus' oriented. And the aliens we've picked up have all seemed sincere. Things are...changing. It's your influence on people, Athena. This happened on the _SR1_ and it's happening here. See? Special,” Garrus answered and nuzzled her nose with his. “And at least with Zaeed and Kasumi we know it's all about the money. No other priorities there. Samara's mission driven, Jack's fucking crazy but seems to trust you, Thane's emotionally preoccupied with stuff, Grunt thinks you're his mother....”

“Yeah. They're...getting easier to talk to, aren't they?” Shepard smiled finally. “All right. I'll talk to her sometime.”

“Good. Now if you two are going to get all, uh, lovey again, go upstairs. I have work to do without being exposed to more awkwardness,” Tali innocently said.

Shepard grinned at her despite the blush on her cheeks. “Kal'Reegar.”

“Shepard!”

“Knew it. Okay, big guy. Let's go chill. I've got a report to file,” Shepard said, her eyes light with laughter at Tali's exasperation.

Garrus smiled at their quarian friend. “You know, I liked Reegar. He'd probably be good for you.”

Tali threw her hands up and stormed up toward the core, muttering lowly about Shepard and Garrus and them being both nosy _bosh'tets_. The couple laughed, happy their friend had found someone to care for like they had.  
  


 


	43. The First Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What you've been waiting for since Volume One.  
> Happy Early, Belated, or Un-Birthday to you, lol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

 

Shepard dried her hair with a towel, scrunching it a little in the process. It had gotten a little longer, resting some toward the base of her throat. With soft foot steps, she walked out of the cabin's bathroom in her night shorts, bra and t-shirt. It had been a long day. Very long.

A strange pattern had begun since Miranda's plea for help with her sister that kicked off emails from Jacob and Jack both wanting aid, too, with things to clear their heads, or so they'd said. Shepard, naturally, had a gut feeling this was going to spread throughout the crew. But that was fine. The clearer their minds, the easier it would be to leave things or loved ones behind if necessary and truly be cohesive when the time came.

Jacob needed help investigating a signal he'd been ghost mailed that belonged, supposedly, to his long lost father's ship.

But Jack's was closer and much _more_ of a ticking time bomb to be dismantled before the suped-up biotic was going to snap. After hearing her out and reading more of the files Jack herself had forwarded of this childhood horror of a place, Shepard fucking jumped on it with as much understanding as one could have not being the victim, themselves. The trust in the demand for her to be there with Jack was beyond what she'd expected. It touched her.

Thus, they'd been traveling toward Pragia to help Jack bury her demons before the final run. Jack wanted to blow her old facility that had tortured her, and Shepard totally got that. She'd fought Miranda for it a little, but Lawson eventually gave in, understanding deep down that Jack was truly a product of what was done to her by Cerberus hands...even though the “cheerleader” was never gonna admit it. With Jack assured and them finally in at least the correct system, they'd be able to hit Pragia sometime tomorrow afternoon.

She grabbed her water, chugged it a little, and sat it down on the coffee table. Her pale feet propped up on the table as she sat on the nearby couch and grabbed her new sketch pad, trying to recreate from memory the sketches she'd lost before. So far she'd finished Tali's portrait, Wrex's, Caios's old one, and Liara's, in additions to the few new ones she'd done without models of the new crew. Currently she was working on Ashley's, and she'd at least outlined what she remembered of Garrus's picture. Shepard was focused on it enough that it took a few knocks before she looked up.

“It's me,” Garrus called as the door hissed open.

Shepard smiled to herself and glanced over her shoulder through the window over the desks where her model ships had found homes. “Hey, hon.”

“Hey.” He stepped through the room and down to her, dressed in his nicer civilians for some reason. Shepard eyed him and noted that he seemed nervous by the way he held himself, the way his mandibles were tight, yet fluttering occasionally as he shifted his weight.

Shepard sat the drawing pad down on top of the shelving unit to her right. “Something wrong, Garrus?”

He stopped then, eyeing the fish in the tank as they swam around. “No. Nothing's wrong.”

“Well, you look bothered by something at any rate. Spill it.” Shepard patted the couch next to her. “Missed you today.”

Garrus looked back to her, and it was then she realized he'd left his visor in the battery. Weird. “Missed you, too. With the new upgrades to the main guns, I was pretty busy in coding.”

“I know. EDI monitored for me,” Shepard teased him and quickly noticed he was sitting with some space between them. She pursed her lips. “All right, Vakarian. What's eating you?”

Garrus chuckled nervously at that and ran his talons over his good cheek. “Nothing's eating me, Shepard.”

“You are so full of shit, hon.”

Garrus blinked and shook his head, his way of rolling his eyes at her. He sighed and gestured in front of him. “I was...hoping to...um.”

“Hoping to?”

He leaned over and grabbed something off the floor. It was a bottle of wine that they could actually share without any concerns. Shepard's brows went up. “I thought...maybe we could have some wine...and a little romance after today.”

“Sounds fantastic,” Shepard agreed and reached to her right around the sketch pad for glasses on a top shelf. She sat them near him. “Pour me some.”

He held the bottle still, eyeing her. “Well, I wanted...to make it more...date like? Not like I can take you anywhere on the ship, and I wanted a different, more intimate date than just eating out next time we dock on Illium or the Citadel.”

Shepard glanced down and remembered she was essentially in her pajamas. “Oh. Want me to change?”

“Well, I do feel a bit overdressed.”

She winked at him and walked over to the left side of the bed, sliding some drawers open and pulling out a dark blue dress she'd bought with Miranda awhile ago on Illium. “Be back, handsome.”

Garrus snickered and watched her go toward the bathroom, a very intent look in his eyes. She managed to change as quickly as she could, smoothed the dress, and brushed her drying hair out into something more presentable. Figuring she might wow him a little, she put on a tiny bit of make up to enhance her eyes.

When she reemerged she found him eyeing the fish once more before turning to look at her. His jaw dropped open and his mandibles slackened. “Athena, you look...amazing.”

“I could do better, but given the amount of notice I had, this'll do,” she teased him and came close enough to take one of his hands.

“Yeah, sorry about that. I kinda just wanted to surprise you, but I guess it backfired.” Garrus pulled her down to sit with him and handed her a glass of the duo wine. “It's good. Try it.”

Shepard sipped the red wine and hummed. “Mm. I like it. Good taste, Garrus.”

“Thought so. Never saw you drink wine before, but I...was hoping you'd like this one,” he replied and drank out of his own glass carefully. He sat it down after and leaned over toward her, one arm along the couch. Garrus just eyed her face with some sort of wonder in his eyes. “How are you so beautiful, A.?”

“I'm just glad you think I am.”

“Shit, Shepard, you have to know you are. You're so charismatic.” His head tilted elegantly, and he looked handsome in the lower cycle lighting.

Shepard smiled to herself and sipped her glass, one hand sliding over his between them. “Thanks, Garrus.”

She watched as he slid that hand over farther until it stroked over her pale thigh, talons glove-free to touch her bare skin. Butterflies fluttered around her stomach as he left his hand there, lightly gripping and stroking her skin with his thumb.

He smiled softly. “Anytime, babe.”

Shepard sat her wine glass down on the table and let her fingers dance over his hand on her thigh. She scooted closer to him until she was against his side and chest; in return he dropped the arm from the couch to wrap around her lower back, but kept his other palm firmly on her thigh.

“You have such soft skin. Never ceases to amaze me.”

A slow, steady smile touched her lips. She lifted her fingers to lie on his leg, looking down at it as she touched and squeezed the firm muscle beneath her hand; there wasn't any fat on her turian man. Her eyes flicked up when the arm around her waist tugged her closer. Garrus lowered his face, brushing her with his non-bandaged mandible.

Shepard closed her eyes when he kissed her. Warmth and butterflies danced up her spine. He broke the kiss and exhaled slowly. She frowned, concerned. “What is it?”

“I...I've been thinking. There is no one way to make...it...special. Anything I've researched, prepared for, well it'll go how it goes, you know? Our first time will always be our first time, and that alone makes it special. But.” Garrus smirked a little and squeezed her hip when he saw her blush. “There is one thing I want to do first.”

She tilted her head a little. “Oh?”

“...yeah.” Garrus let go of her thigh to grab his glass of wine. He tossed the rest of it back with a shudder and sat the empty glass down. Icy eyes pinned her, searching, before he smiled briefly. “Get your sketch pad.”

Green eyes about popped from her head. He was ready. “What...are you...serious?”

“Yeah. I think...the first time you see me...you'd be wanting to sketch me anyway, and I know you're fascinated by turian shapes. So...I want to give you that moment. I hope it's...romantic enough.”

Shepard leaned forward and grabbed his face, pulling it to her so she could press her lips to his mouth, lightly kissing him with her tongue. Garrus sighed into the kiss, lifting her into his lap, his talons tracing down her thigh and back up in tenderness. They opened their eyes at the same time and laughed quietly, brows pressed together. Shepard rubbed his nose with hers. “Thank you...for giving me this.”

“You're welcome. Just hope you...like what you'll see. Sketching and being around the real thing might be different, you know? I want to still inspire you and make you want me,” he admitted softly under his breath, eyes trailing away.

Shepard let one of her hands lightly grip his left mandible. “Garrus.... You're beyond gorgeous. I know it.”

“Heh, I don't know about that, but... I mean, I know I'm good looking for a turian, or was before the rocket, but across species, I have no idea.”

“If it makes you feel better, I almost drooled the first time I saw you shirtless, back on the Citadel, and basically the time in the medbay post-scars, too. You're hot,” Shepard said, embarrassed, but smiling. “I love your chest. Sleeping next to you once has spoiled me.”

His head snapped up a little, alert, as his blue eyes searched her. A light vibrating laugh traveled through him. “Mm. All right.”

Shepard poured him more wine with a wink. “In case you need it.”

“What have your people called it? 'Liquid courage?' Yeah, I might need some. I mean, I know I'm in shape, I know you're confident and going to like what you see, and hell normally I'd not even be nervous getting naked with any other female. Just...with you, it means so much more,” Garrus replied, drinking his glass, and watched her walk toward her sketching supplies. She grabbed a different pad, a thicker one, and her pencil set. He swallowed the last bit and stared up at her. “I want to be everything you imagine, Shepard.”

Shepard bit her lip, getting why he was nervous but wanting to keep him reassured nonetheless. She sat back down near him with her things, opening the larger pencil set and readying it on the table as she pushed the glasses away for room. Garrus tapped his foot, then stopped, catching himself doing it.

“Garrus, I don't put you on a pedestal, so don't worry about trying to stand on one. You're literally that handsome to me no matter what.” Gently she rubbed his bony knee. “Hon, you don't have to do this. I won't make you.”

“I can't take it anymore, Shepard, so I plan on getting naked with you one way or another tonight. Might as well let you draw me.” Garrus chuckled; she'd gone almost as red as her hair. “Maybe you'll be more nervous than I am. That works.”

“Hey, jerk,” she laughed and tucked a foot under her, watching as he rose, gave her a brief kiss, and walked around in front of the bed across from her.

Garrus exhaled heavily again. “Okay. What do you want me to do, A.?”

She licked her lip and flipped the pad open to a blank page, eyes grazing over it to pick a study idea. He shifted, catching her attention. Shepard gave him a small, sweet smile. “How about just...shirtless, first? I'd love a few angles of that. Lets you get used to it.”

“That works,” he agreed and began to slip out of his shirt. Shepard tightly held her pencil as she watched the material rise up, baring his flat-sided, angled and muscularly lined dark belly, the edge of the pointed silver carapace until the shirt was off completely; Garrus tossed it on the other side of the couch and refocused on her.

Shepard's eyes drank him in, the lines, the planes, the angles, the sharp beauty of him and his beautiful coloring—a somewhat dark tannish-brown. She blinked a few times and licked her lip, earning a soft, appreciative growl from him and smiling. “Sorry. You're...gorgeous. Jesus, honey, you're hot.”

“Mm. Good. How do you want me?”

Shepard choked on a laugh at the double-entendre. “ _Well_.”

“Oh. Oops. You know what I meant,” he teased back, head tilted as he waited.

“All right. You can sit down on the bed's edge. Relax your shoulders and angle so you're looking slightly toward the fish tank.” Shepard laughed a little, then rose to help him as he sat down and moved too far one direction. “Here,” she said as she pushed him toward her spot on the couch a little more. Her hands pushed on his shoulders to relax down, and she lifted his chin a little, tiling his face with her fingers. “Okay. Try not to move. I'll do a fast sketch.”

“Got it,” he replied and sat perfectly still, talon-tipped hands on his legs.

Shepard smiled to herself as she resumed her position and brought up the sketch pad. She grabbed a lighter pencil and started in on his outline, working quickly, her eyes absorbing the sharp degrees, the triangles the lines of his body made. His head began to appear, then the rest of him, and she tried to add a bit of texture to differentiate the plating. A darker, heavier group of pencils shaded in his skin, creating the amazing contrast his body naturally had. After several more minutes, she sat her pencils down, turned the pad around and showed him.

Garrus let go of the pose and sat forward to look. His brows went up as he took in himself, but she knew he could see the emotion she'd put into the pose: pensiveness, decisions being made as he looked away on the paper. “Wow, Athena.”

“See? Gorgeous. This is how I see you.”

“Even with...the wound and scars?”

The question sounded torn from him in the night. Shepard frowned, upset that he was still so self-conscious of it. “Garrus, yes. You will always be my handsome guy regardless of what scarring comes from the wound. Like I said before, I'd rather have you alive, functioning and scarred a bit than dead, hon, so deal with it. I will be glad to get that bandage off for good whenever you can, though. Miss seeing all of your face.”

“Okay. Yeah, I'm over the stupid thing, too.” He sniffed and glanced to her, blue eyes warm. “Wish I could show you how I see you, Shepard.”

“Maybe you've got a knack at photography, Garrus,” she said with a soft shrug. “Mind doing a super fast standing pose? Just want another side, and a brief bit of your back.”

Garrus rose and stood as she gestured, staying quiet and breathing calmly as the only sound that filled the room was the scratching of pencils and erasers, Shepard blowing shavings off the paper, and occasionally the water gurgle of the fish tank.

“You turians all have such narrow waists,” she remarked.

“We're built light for speed and dexterity. Though we're bigger than the females, males can do things with workouts to build the arms and legs more, which...I'll admit to doing. I like being a bit bigger, more muscular, and it honestly came in handy with the first run we had. No way I could have gotten as far with Wrex if I'd not worked on that, I think. And I might be taller than some human males, but it's...well.”

“We've got some thick men, and you're still skinny.”

“Yeah. Bit intimidating, in one sense, especially if I feel like I have to compete with them since I'm with you,” he said and glanced to her from the corner of his eye.

Shepard paused, pencil in the air. “You compete with no one, Garrus.”

“Good then. Doesn't stop the insecurity.”

“Oh. Well, know it doesn't matter to me. If I wanted a huge beefy guy, I'd go get one. I want you. And humans don't have plated fringe and bad ass eyes like you, so they should be insecure.” A noticeable smirk graced his otherwise still features at her encouragement. She went back to the sketch, outlining the rounder part of his upper shoulder and filling down the bicep, tricep and so forth to his narrow, lightly plated forearms and broad hands with the spots of plates like down his neck. A few minutes later she showed him, had him revolve, and sketched down the back of where his carapace wrapped around, under his arms and curved down to fade out onto his back; little specks and pieces of plating dotted around that spot until they simply blended out into his smooth skin on his spine. “You have such great posture. Mine sucks.”

“Happens when you stand the way we have to.”

“Should I walk on my toes from now on?”

Garrus looked back over his shoulder, smirking. “Not gonna lie, I wanna see that now.”

“Can do, though I think you'd like me in heels more.”

“Mm. Yeah. I would.”

Shepard finished his back, noticing she'd gone through a few pages now. Little sketches dotted around these last two: close ups of his fingers and talons, detail work of a few pieces of plating. She took a deep breath and looked up. “You're done.”

Garrus revolved and looked to her, hands slightly fisted at his sides. “So....”

“...you ready?”

“As I'll ever be. But, uh...if you want to sketch _everything_ I'm gonna need something to...get me not so nervous and more in the mood.” He hummed, blinking in thought.

Shepard sat for a second, thinking, and grinned a little to herself as the idea came. She straightened and pulled the side zipper on her ribs down, loosening her dress. Garrus had almost stopped breathing in front of her, he'd gone so quiet. Shepard glanced to him and found him not blinking, blue eyes bold on her unzipping. Seconds later she shrugged the straps off and, giving him a nervous but aroused look, slid the dress down slowly to her stomach, showing her bra and toned muscles.

Garrus actually moaned a little in front of her, eyes darting from her neck down her collarbones, sweeping over her breasts and soft pink bra curiously, down to her belly and back to her face. Shepard's mouth went dry at the almost desperate look he held in his curiosity, as if though the differences were still unfamiliar, it was everything he'd ever wanted.

“There,” she said, a little breathy, as she grabbed her sketch pad. “I can...take the bra off, if you want, but I thought you might want to save that part for...later.”

Garrus swallowed heavily. “Can...can I touch you for a second?”

“Yes,” she answered his yearning question and waited until he walked over to her. Garrus bent to his knees and nuzzled his face into her throat, hands sliding over her bare arms and nose inhaling her scent deeply. Shepard took the moment to brush her fingers down his neck and cowl, the backs of her nails trailing slowly over one sexy bicep. She shook her head a little, too focused on how his skin was, just like she thought it would be: smooth leather feeling in a lot of places with a little bit of suede-like feel around the plating areas.

He pressed closer to her so their chests touched and groaned in her ear, his tongue dropping from her neck across a collarbone. The feeling of him, smooth yet rough, against her soft skin was deliciously contrasting. “You're so beautiful,” he whispered. “So...soft, yet firm.”

Shepard fought the little snicker. “Garrus, I think you just described breasts without ever touching them.”

“Breasts...these, right?” he asked quietly as he raised his face. Gently the back of one hand drew over her chest and bra.

She closed her eyes. “Yep, those.”

“They're sexual, too, right? I mean, your males don't seem to have them, and I...read that human females like to have them touched sexually.”

“Well...a male's usually don't, uh, develop the way ours do. It's complicated. But yes, they are sexual some. They're also used...when we have infants, we...feed them. They have milk come through them for babies,” she explained, feeling awkward. “But most males love them, straight ones anyway. It's one of those things that triggers and attracts them.”

“Hm.”

“Don't do a damn thing for you, do they?” Shepard burst out with a laugh, thinking of the irony.

“I wouldn't say that completely, but they're not the first thing I look for or want to touch, no. I'm much more drawn to your neck, your waist and hips...more lower places. But...let's see what the big deal is all about,” he said softly in her ear. Garrus glanced up at her eyes before he shifted his hand, sliding his palm down the side of her right breast and holding it, his thumb talon drifting over the skin bared by the bra. Shepard moaned a little. “Interesting.... Feel good?”

“Yeah. You did research, huh,” she laughed a little, smiling as she opened her eyes.

He looked a bit embarrassed, but nodded. “Yeah. I didn't want to be completely...humiliating.”

“You're not, Garrus. Exploration's gonna be half the fun with us,” Shepard said, knowing it was absolutely one thing she was looking forward to doing. “Besides, I...researched some, too.”

His brow went up, and he hummed as she pressed a kiss to his mouth. Slowly he let go and stood back up, exhaling and chuckling. Shepard looked to him, curious as to what was funny, since he sort of had his back to her.

“Garrus?”

“Hm? Oh. You don't have to worry now. But if you want a sketch of the closed plates, it might have to...wait a little.” He gave her a sideways look. “Touching you...excited me.”

Shepard blushed and resettled her sketch pad on her lap. “Oh. I'm glad. I mean, I'm glad you liked touching me.”

“Yeah. Okay.” Garrus gave her a nervous laugh and turned around.

Shepard's eyes instantly went to his waist, noting the bulge in his pants; it wasn't as large as the time they'd made out in the battery that she'd seen and felt through the under suit he'd worn, but she hadn't expected him to be fully aroused yet. Just that memory of touching him, tracing that firm shape excited the hell out of her; they'd been _so close_ then, and if Tali hadn't come in when she had...it was likely she would be sketching him long after she'd seen him naked.

Although random, hot sex in the battery didn't sound like a bad idea either. She swallowed a little and rubbed her thighs together. Garrus eyed her, scenting the air and smiling. “Glad you're enjoying it so far. Ready?”

Shepard nodded as she tucked some stray hair behind her ear. Garrus nodded back and first unsnapped seals on his thin boots that covered his feet. It bared dark, strong arches, and Shepard could see the powerful talons on each two-toed foot. Little plating layered down the middle of his toes, and she smiled, liking that touch. He then made sure her eyes followed his hands back up as he slid his talons down to his waist, slowly, like he was stripping for her. Hell, he was, Shepard realized and fought the feminine giggle back. He blinked and unsnapped a covered button or two and unzipped down the front of the pants a bit.

Shepard's heart rate increased, and she felt wetter. She knew he could tell because he stopped and scented the air, shuddered, and gave her one of the most smoldering gazes he ever had. His fingers pulled back the strap that hid the button and zipper, loosening the pants around his waist. Slowly he opened it and slid it downward. Bits of skin became visible, as did some plating on his hips, where the bones spiked a little in the hip spurs. Garrus paused and bent over a bit, blocking her view to let out a breath, and pushed them down the rest of the way, carefully lifting one leg at a time to unsnap parts on his leg spurs and slide the pants the rest of the way off. Then he stood back up, slowly, and straightened, eyes closed tightly before reopening on her.

Shepard made sure to look to his eyes first, to show him it was okay with hers, before she let them drop down. Her first instinct was to look at his maleness, but she forced her eyes to his hips, taking in the bone structure and his plating there, then followed his legs down, noting the very visible dark blue shape on the edge of her vision. His thighs were thick, yet leaner shaped than she expected, given how their armor fit on turians, but he was still obviously strong and muscled with larger calves from how he walked. His leg spur was mostly a thin bit of covered bone and plating angled away from his calves. Finally she let her gaze go back up, and with one last brief blink, settled her eyes where she wanted to do so.

Garrus had come partially out of the pelvic plating. He was dark blue and seemed to get thicker as her eyes followed it back to the plating area; she saw that the area was flexible, which it obviously had to be, and was more made up of the smaller spotted types around a slit where he protruded from. His tip was a little tapered and pointed in shape, but rounded on the edges and very, very slightly ribbed near the top below the head. Shepard forced her breathing to even out as she imagined him with this tapered, thick shape sliding inside of her, sinking sweetly where she wanted him to be. She let a soft, little groan escape her lips and, to her surprise, saw more of him emerge as he reacted to the sound—about another inch and a half. Shepard blinked and looked back to his face, noting he was very nervous and anxiously waiting.

She smiled shyly. “Do I have to draw you first...because....”

“Don't tempt me,” he teased back, and Shepard caught the subtle movement below his waist and knew he'd emerged further.

Shepard twisted her lips to the side, trying to not stare. “Out of curiosity,...how, um...long are you? I mean, not for any comparisons, just because you know...you're not fully erect yet and...I'm...curious.”

Garrus raised a brow and laughed lowly, sexy vibrations ringing through it. “Let's just say I...am known for reach, Athena.”

Shepard immediately ground her thighs together and bit her lip. “Seriously?”

“Yeah. I sparred with a female once way back when I did my military duty as I reached adulthood. I had...reach, she had flexibility. We ended up with a hell of a fight, which tied. Held a tie-breaker in her quarters later, and...I still had reach, and she had flexibility.” Garrus shifted his weight a little and rolled his shoulders to loosen them and relax. “It got around, and well. The fringe joke got really used on me a lot.”

Shepard's eyes were huge while she snorted a laugh. “Fringe joke?”

“Never heard those? Supposedly there are studies that say fringe length on males indicates larger...um. Males.”

Shepard giggled at that some. “I take it that's not true?”

“Eh, sometimes. Just depends on the genetics and what you get out of them, but there's supposedly some bit of truth to it as the fringe is used to attract females. Makes sense on some level if a female goes for a guy with bigger fringe that she won't, you know. Be disappointed. But it's all hearsay. Females have their own tastes and whatnot.”

“But it's...true for you, _big guy_?”

Garrus's neck flushed darker, but he brought his brows up with humor. “So I've been told.”

“You know it doesn't honestly matter to me, though, right?” she asked, needing to be sure he wasn't worried about satisfying her. “As we humans say, 'It's not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean.'”

Garrus chuckled harder at that, hands coming to his stomach for a moment. “That...that's a good one. I like that.”

Shepard winked at him and grabbed a pencil. “I'm...hoping these sketches will be worth anything. Concentrating right now might be a bit hard.”

“Had to pick that word, didn't you, Shepard.”

They shared a laugh over that, relieving them of the awkward, but deeply sexual tension. It took her a few different frustrated tries, but she finally got an outline of his legs that she liked and marked spots for shading. She really liked sketching his leg spurs and feet for some reason, probably all the firm, bold lines. After having him angle slightly to see the inner of his knee, she did a smaller detail section of it and his hip spurs in that moment. One flipped page later and she asked him to relax and stand in a natural way, whatever was comfortable. Once he settled, one foot was slightly forward to the right, a hand in front of his right thigh, his other hand against his left high resting. Shepard outlined the full body this time, biting her lip as she did so; she was trying to concentrate, and yet each time she looked up she just kept seeing him...especially that wonderful blue part. She did a rougher shading version on the sketch, wanting to not spend so much time on it when she could always get a better one later. This was to get familiar with his shape in general.

“Do you guys wear underwear? Like I have on, sort of. I get that you're internal resting, so I guess it really wouldn't matter,” Shepard spoke her thoughts aloud as she glanced to his pile of clothing briefly.

Garrus shook his head. “Eh, sometimes. Probably depends on the clothing, too. Our stuff's kind of tighter fitting, so. I've started wearing some lately, just...because. You know. Since we got together I've, um. Let's just say my libido woke back up after those two years of sleeping.”

“Did it now?” she asked teasingly.

“Oh yeah. Guess I hope that if I wear the extra layer it'll cover a bit, but oh well.”

“Point.” Finally she looked up and found his eyes resting on her neck and sliding to her chest, as if he were preparing and thinking ahead what to do. She hid her smile and debated asking her next question. “Come closer.”

“Hm?” he asked, snapping aware. It hit him then, what she'd said, and he did so, a little uncertain of what she wanted him to do. She rose a little and pulled his hand to bring him next to the table's side.

“There,” she murmured and noticed he was looking elsewhere. He'd retracted some back into the sheath inside of him, too. Shepard pursed her lips, knowing he was just unsure of what to do and on edge in general, so she slightly reached forward. Her fingertip softly touched him there, on the side, and his head snapped quickly to look at her, jaw dropping. She looked up at him. “May I?”

Garrus swallowed hard. “Just um...be...be careful.”

“Not been touched much bare then, huh. Touching this way is extremely common for humans.”

“Oh.... I see. But no, uh, I haven't.... Our hands are a bit rough texture-wise, and yeah. Talons.”

Shepard smiled at him. “It'll be better with me. I promise.”

“Oh, I know. The battery was mind-blowing, and that was with clothes on.”

“Garrus,” she grinned and eyed him again, noticing he'd come out a lot more, possibly more than he had previously. “Why are you...shining some?”

Garrus shifted, a little embarrassed. “We're self-lubricating guys. It's helpful sometimes with the females and Palaven's atmosphere. Another reason why I've gotten to wearing underwear occasionally. Helps with the, um. Mess.”

“Oh. That makes sense. Honestly that part of you will help us, even though I...I used to have some issues with...but not with you. You make me feel ready.”

Shepard reached out slower, showing him her intention, and when he nodded at her she lightly pressed her fingers to him. Garrus shuddered, a reaction she felt as she lightly gripped around him, the slick lubricant coating her hand a bit. Carefully she stroked him upward at first, then loosened her grasp to slide down, accommodating this growing girth toward the base of him that was still slightly hidden. Garrus moaned low and deep, his hands in fists near his thighs. Shepard squeezed gently and stroked up again until her fingers rested under the head, which she lightly rubbed with her thumb.

Garrus let his head fall backward above her, moaning again. “Ohhh.”

“Feel good?” she asked and tried not to jump a little as she felt him move in her hand. Her eyes traveled from his face back down to his cock in her hand, and she dropped her mouth open. He must have finally fully presented. Shepard stroked him in a slow rhythm to the base with that somewhat thicker lower shaft. “You...are gonna feel amazing, Garrus,” she admitted, unashamed of it. “How...how does...inside the, um.”

“It, uh...you know. Softens back down to a manageable size. There's...sort of an...um.” Garrus coughed. “An inner pouch like thing where it and the...testicles are kept safe.” He lightly snickered as she nodded, her face red as her hair, and it turned into a low groan as she stroked him again, squeezing slightly. “Your hand feels good. Mm.”

“Want me to go faster?”

“...yeah. Yes...please.”

Shepard complied, easily sliding up and down his length faster with her grasp and the natural lubricant easing the movement to not hurt him. Garrus reached out for her other arm and took her extended hand, squeezing as he groaned deeply, subharmonics vibrating through him and around the room. “Oh, Spirits, A. Fuck.”

She stroked him a few more times before tracing her fingers over him and letting go. Garrus brought his face down, expression still in rapture. Shepard winked. “Now that I have your full...attention, let me get a sketch of you real quick. Don't move. And don't worry, none of these will ever be seen but by me. Promise. I'll tear these out and put them somewhere only I know.”

“Thank Spirits. I was a bit nervous about that idea. Not entirely comfortable, even if it was for art.”

“You're fine, hon.” Shepard sat back and wiped her hand on the top of her dress in her lap, cleaning it off and picking up her pencil. Quickly she forced herself to focus on sketching his full shape, the slight curve, the width and the head. She shaded it lightly and felt herself squirm.

When finished she tossed the pad to the side with the pencil following. Garrus raised his brows at her action, then scented her and growled low, understanding. “Come here,” he softly commanded, hands lowering for her to use to pull herself up.

She grabbed them and did so, smiling as they slid to her bare sides and stroked the skin there. Garrus bent his head and kissed her; Shepard realized then that without the little boost of height her boots gave her, he felt even taller than usual. She liked it, and she loved that he'd grown so addicted to human kisses that he gave them to her instead of waiting for her signal. Garrus slid his hands to where her dress was bunched at her waist and pushed on the bundle, struggling to get it down her hips. Shepard helped with her hands in the endeavor, her lips still kissing him back. She moaned as the material fell off of her. Garrus immediately pulled her to him, broad palms sliding down her lower back and gripping her narrow hips. He growled deeply, a more vibration sound than anything else, and pressed himself against her completely, talons delightfully pricking her skin some.

Shepard moaned at the feel of his cock against her pelvis, part of him wet against her lower stomach. Her arms went around his neck, rubbing at the back of it under his fringe and scratching down the plates like she'd read about. Garrus shook and moaned deeply, turian palms moving to cup her ass and grab her repeatedly, obviously in love with that part of her anatomy, which delighted her. They kept kissing. One of her legs slowly raised up and she rubbed her toned calf over his and his lower thigh. Garrus immediately ran a hand down it, then lifted her off the ground, waiting until she slid her legs over his hips. She could feel his smaller, yet firm ass under her legs and smiled against him as he turned them back toward the bed.

Carefully he leaned down and let her rest against the bed, laying on top of her as he stroked down one leg, his mouth on her neck opening and leaving little nibbles on her skin there. Shepard brushed back on his fringe and earned a sexy sound in return. Her hips rose up and rubbed his cock against her. Garrus rumbled and thrust against her skin for a second, moaning as he did so.

“I...I need to get my underwear off, Garrus,” she finally managed to say beneath him.

He brought his face up and nodded, letting go of her to sit up on his knees. Shepard rose a little and adjusted her weight so she wouldn't fall over. Her hands slid back to the snap on her bra.

“Want me to...try?” he asked.

“You're welcome to, but human males tend to struggle with them, too.”

Garrus smirked. “Ah. You go ahead then. I'll learn some other night when embarrassment isn't already a huge factor.”

Shepard let that phrase and its meanings echo through her. More nights of Garrus, them naked and together in her bed. Sounded fantastic to her; she had no doubt despite their fears and anxieties that when they actually joined it was going to be amazingly powerful, especially when she'd never felt so much for one person in her life.

The bra unsnapped and she let it fall forward off her shoulders and down her arms until she slid it off completely. Garrus stared over her a moment, a soft sound escaping him as he reached for her, cupping both breasts with his palms and stroking her nipples. Shepard cried out in pleasure and repeated the sound when he licked down her neck as he touched her. “You...you...really prepare, don't you?”

“This part was...easier to find. But...mostly, I just...you know. Wanted to impress you if I could.” Garrus nibbled along her throat and let his tongue glide toward her cleavage. He pressed her with his body onto her back so he could focus more on her torso, his tongue briefly running over her breasts and flicking one nipple. Garrus carefully swirled his tongue around the other one, let the front of his mouth lightly settle for a second as he flicked the tip of his tongue again. Shepard almost bit through her lip at the unexpected action and its amazing feeling. “Mm. Beautiful, Athena. Please...let me know if I do anything wrong or hurt you. Okay?”

“Okay.” She opened her eyes and watched him above her, feeling so full of warmth and happiness that she thought she'd burst. He was still resting on her belly, rubbing into her as he slid himself forward, his talons skittering down her solar plexus to her waist. At his questioning look, she nodded, and watched with excitement as Garrus grabbed the sides of her underwear and slid them down her legs.

He immediately groaned, pausing before he resumed sliding them off her feet. “Fuck, babe, you smell so _good_.”

“Touch me,” she begged, unable to stop the little wriggle of her legs in her need. “I've wanted you to touch me for so long now.”

Garrus hummed and gently let the pad of a finger run down her lower belly and over her womanhood. “Here?” Shepard nodded tightly at the soft question and caught sheets in her fists, unable to handle the sweet torture as he heavily breathed above her. “Help me with this one. What do you like?”

“Just touch however you want, outside and inside and everywhere. Watch those talons though. Wounds there are painful as fuck.”

Garrus shook his head. “Trust me. I want you to feel good, babe.”

“I trust you, Garrus.”

He nodded above her and tightened his stomach muscles as she reached for his blue cock, stroking him. “ _Hnnnnngh_. Ah, _yes_.”

Shepard moaned a little below him. He opened his eyes that had shut the moment she'd touched him again and rubbed his thumb over her clit. “This...is important. I remember that.”

“Ohh yeah,” she groaned out. “V-Very i-i-important.”

Garrus thrust into her palm as he slid his forefinger down between her lower lips. Shepard wiggled her hips and lifted them, demanding more in her hormonal state. “Garrus,” she whined in a voice she'd never heard herself make.

Neither had Garrus. He made a higher pitched noise of excitement, leaned forward to lick her belly as his long forefinger found her entrance and slowly entered her. Shepard cried out and clamped her walls around him once. “Yes! Yes, please, don't stop!”

“You okay?”

“Yes. I don't feel your talon scratching,” she gasped out, eyes rolling as he did so slowly and with ease considering how wet she'd gotten.

“I dulled them this morning in preparation,” Garrus swallowed as he nuzzled her throat, blue eyes hazy, and hips rubbing low near her thigh. “You're so...wet inside. So soft. Soft like everywhere on your body. It's...amazing.”

“Mm, yes,” she mumbled and slid her hips up to take more of his finger in as he slid it in and out of her, pumping with his wrist and still stimulating her clit with his thumb. “Christ, Garrus, are you sure this is your first time with a human?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Well you pick up things _quick_.”

He rumbled appreciatively and let his tongue lick over her right nipple up to her throat and jaw. “I've always been good in bed, babe. I just wanted to make sure that wouldn't change with us being different.”

“You sexy fucker,” she ground out in a half-laugh, half-moan. She was about to come apart inside from all his stimulation. She tried to keep up her strokes on his cock, but let go when her much needed, years or desperate wanting orgasm slammed into her. “Yes! Yes!” she cried out, her walls tightening down around his finger. Shepard shuddered and went limp with a deep sigh. “ _Umph_. Garrus....”

Garrus was sniffing her throat and chest, licking lazily, before he nibbled his way to her chin. He pressed little pressure kisses to her jaw, then lips. “Mm. That was _hot_ , A.”

“Can't believe you already got me to...,” she whimpered out, her hand resuming its stroking of him as his finger slid out of her and his hand moved to her arm.

“I'm glad I did. I want to feel it happen around me, feel what you're like—it's all I've been able to think about. I wanna be inside you, the only turian you'll ever want there. The _only male_ who can make you feel good,” he whispered in her ear. Garrus let her kiss him, let her tongue into his mouth to touch his roughly as she wrapped both arms around his neck and pulled him closer. They kissed desperately for a few moments until he pulled back. Shepard dropped her head to the bed, exhaling while Garrus rocked upward on his heels and eyed her. “So. Mordin mentioned something about protection and stuff in case of you having any allergic reactions.”

“I want to even be sure I'll have one before we numb the experience,” Shepard replied, shifting a little underneath him. “I mean...if not...neither of us has, uh, anything to share that's bad, and cross-species it probably wouldn't happen anyway. Not like you can knock me up either. So.”

“So...?”

“Let's...try it without first. I'm hoping the fact that your natural stuff didn't give me a rash on my hand is a good sign here for even better things. If I feel anything not...right, I'll let you know. But I really think it'll be okay. I mean, you've licked me a lot, we kiss pretty passionately, and nothing negative so far. I probably just can't like eat a dextro meal or something. My body's weird since I was brought back, anyway.”

“Well, okay. Mordin sent creams for your...um...your skin afterward, if my plating roughs you up too much.”

“That fucking salarian.” Shepard rubbed her face awkwardly and laughed under her breath. “Let's just stop talking about it and do it, Garrus. I don't want to psych either of us out of the mood. I want this with you. I want to take our relationship to the full step and really be together.”

“Me, too, Athena.” Garrus nodded at that and let his talons rub around one of her hips. “All right, I'm game. What, um...position do you want? I heard that humans...have a rather interesting variety.”

“Uh huh...there's all kinds. Missionary would be the most common in this situation. What works for you?”

“Missionary?” he asked her, unfamiliar with the term and sighing as she stroked his cock with her fingers again.

“You on top,” she answered, already imagining it. “Me on my back.”

Garrus growled at the idea. “Mm. I wanna try that. Can I...uh. Can I also try a position turians frequently use? I'm curious to, you know. Know what you feel like that way.”

Shepard nodded, willing to experiment for him as he was for her. “Whatever you want, Garrus.”

“You're so sexy, babe,” he said and smiled at her, eyes half-open. “I'll hold off on mounting until later so we can...try the missionary thing.”

“Mounting?” she asked with a slight laugh. “Sure.”

“You know. You in front...um, bent over, though sometimes upright, and me behind on my knees. That kind of thing? Have you done that? Is that humanly used too?”

“Doggy-style? Fuck yes!”

Garrus frowned at the term, but laughed at her excitement. “That's just terrible for a name, babe.”

Shepard smiled and put her arms around his neck again. “Garrus. Get in me.”

“Ooh. Hot. Tell me more,” he begged and lowered his face to lightly bite her shoulder.

Shepard moaned at the little pain, fully enjoying it. “Mm, I like your bites.”

“Damn good thing since it's a huge part of our sex. I'm warning you, baby, it's gonna be a bit rough.”

“That's okay.”

Garrus licked her cheek. “Fulfill a fantasy of mine, Shepard. A dream I had.”

“Anything. What is it?”

“Tell me what you want me to do to you. Make me do it. I fucking love your strength.” Garrus bit her again lightly and licked the little specks of blood that managed to well up from his sharp teeth.

Shepard brushed her hands over his face and lifted his head to look at him. “Garrus, I want you to fuck me. Fuck. Me.”

Fuck it, they were both nervous but too horny to care at this point about being embarrassed anymore. Her words unlocked him, freed some deep part of him from his nervousness. Garrus kissed her deeply before he lifted her legs up and over his hips, hands pricking her thighs in excitement as he did so. He gripped her ass and rubbed his cock against her core, earning him a visceral cry of need from her. Blue eyes questioned her one last time as she felt him lining up, the tip of him brushing her so sexily, so hotly that she thought she would die from it.

“I want you, Garrus,” she whispered, fingers gripping his face. “I want you in me more than anything in the galaxy. Make me see the stars, Garrus.”

At her soft words Garrus vocalized emotions through his subharmonics she couldn't translate, but they sounded very sweet and loving. They arched in sound and kept his low speaking range. He leaned forward and kissed her once. “Okay, babe. I've never wanted anything more in my life.”

She smiled at him as he took a breath and pushed forward, his very warm, smooth and lubricated self stretching her. Shepard groaned out, low and happy as he kept moving forward. He was thick and long, and she loved every inch of that blue part of him. He paused about half-way in and groaned so deeply that she whimpered. He felt so amazing inside, filling her in a way no ex of hers ever could have. It just kept repeating in her head that they were doing this, they were really together. For so long it had only been a wild errant thought of a possibility. A fantasy of hers.

He shuddered a little as he pulled back and then thrust again, sliding farther inside of her. She moaned with him, feeling a slight pinch of pain as he pushed most of himself in; she felt her entrance stretch around his wider girth there, and instead of feeling pain simply felt a good release of tension. Noises streamed from him, making her smile a little despite her moaning.

“You okay?” she managed to ask and find her voice. His bent brow brushed her chest a bit roughly, mimicking the plating rubbing under her thighs and on her hips in his grip. But that slight roughness, the pain, just registered as something enjoyable to her.

Garrus withdrew slightly and thrust a bit harder at her voice, and then repeated the action again when she happily cried out his name. His handsome mug nuzzled her. “Spirits! You're _so_ soft inside. This is _amazing_! You're...! Ugh, you're so _wet. So warm._ Turians are _really_ missing out.”

“Like it, huh?” A quick grin darted across her face.

“Fuck yes, Athena.” Garrus picked up his pace, making them both a little breathy. His pretty blue eyes settled on her face, barely able to stay open as he moaned again before speaking. “How do you...like...me? Are you...are you all right? Any...bad reactions?”

“No burning, no pain. We're good; luck's on our side for once.” Shepard groaned as he hit a really good spot. “You're perfect, Garrus. Fucking perfect.”

“Fantastic,” he replied enthusiastically at the news and kissed her, his tongue darting out to push into her mouth for a moment. His arms slid her legs off his hips a little, allowing him to thrust deeper. One hand cradled her ass as he pushed forward again, brow against the side of her face. “Fuck, babe, _ohh fuck_. Oh, Spirits, why the hell didn't we do this ages ago?”

Shepard decided to try some of the tips she'd read as she pressed kisses to his covered cheek and ran her fingernails down his neck and shoulders. Garrus cried out sharply and picked up his pace. She slid her nails back up, not as rough, and then drug them down again, low to his mid-back, giving his neck a brief lick. He opened his jaw and bit her neck harder than before, tongue lapping at her skin in his mouth; a deliciously low throbbing snarl tore through him and into her.

“Fuck me, Garrus. God, just fucking take me.” Shepard cried out, loving feeling his talons slide roughly down her legs, uncaring about the red marks they left behind. She wanted dominated a little, to let go of all the control she had to constantly have, and he was the only person she trusted to do it. “Show me how much you've wanted me. Show me what you feel.”

“ _Mmph_ , yes!” Garrus let loose a sound that literally vibrated her body before it changed pitch and got sharper, higher, and demanding. He seemed to take the encouragement to heart and ran with it, his hips moving like pistons and pushing him in and out of her.

Each slight departure brought more pressure upon his return until she was bucking beneath him, whimpering at how full he made her feel, at how connected, how complete for the first time in years. Part of her felt like crying in that moment, but in a good way.

“Garrus,” she mewled, feeling overwhelmed and wanting something even rougher to ground her again.

“Tell me what you want,” he demanded above her. “Say it.”

Shepard panted into his throat. “Fuck me _harder_ , Garrus,” she almost growled.

“Hold on,” he replied, his voice very hoarse, and grabbed her hips with both hands. Garrus angled her a little and harshly pushed forward with a snap of his hips as he rested his nose to her throat; the smacking of her flesh on his legs echoed.

Shepard cried out. “Yes! Just like _that_. Oh, fuck, Garrus! Don't stop!”

“Ahhh! Athena!” He slammed into her repeatedly, their bodies hitting together with force. Garrus buried his face in her pillow, bandaged cheek gently pressing to hers, a sharp noise tearing from him as he smacked into her again and again, her legs rubbing a tad raw from his plating near his thighs. Several sounds erupted from him as his pace slowed, but got harsher, deeper until she was completely taking him, could feel him repeatedly down to the base at her entrance. Garrus was shuddering over her, lifting his face directly where she could see as he opened his mouth in delighted shock. “Yes! Yes, yes, _yes_!”

“Oh, _God_!” Shepard's eyes rolled back as he slammed into her one last time.

Their hips crashed together, the pain pleasurable. Garrus moaned out low, his voice trailing into a few clicks and pitches as he thrust slow and deep to catch his breath; Shepard cried out at the noise combined with how good he felt so far inside of her, and she clenched around him as she came strongly. Garrus's eyes popped open at the sensation with an intense sexually surprised stare, and he gripped her thighs enough to scratch and draw blood with his talons. Head thrown back, he gave a deep moan that turned into a lower, quieter, and less violent sounding version of his turian roar which only faded until her name could be heard inside of it. Shepard immediately felt him release inside of her warmly. Intentionally, she squeezed around him again, milking him and the moment as he slightly came again in surprise. Garrus leaned his head back, handsome neck exposed as he gasped for desperate breath, then he dropped his eyes to hers, full of emotion, and bent his brow to her throat, causing his crown to rub her chin.

Both of them were breathing so heavily it was a wonder they hadn't passed out. Shepard could _feel_ his heart thundering through his carapace, it was so heavy, and his pulse flying in his neck against her chest. His chest heaved against hers as he still gasped, in shock and pleasure. Her own heart felt like it was going to explode until it finally slowed a little, her breathing lightening so she wasn't dragging in her breaths.

The utter intensity of their sex settled over them like an invisible blanket. Both knew, or she hoped he knew as she did, that this was beyond expectation, beyond normality even probably for casual sex for interspecies people like them. What had happened, what they had felt, had transcended them somehow. In that moment it confirmed that he was the only one she'd ever want the rest of her life—in her heart, her dreams, her bed. Because underneath all the newness, the excitement and pleasure, she could feel desperate love unspoken between them. It was there in the way he'd come and collapsed against her, in the way she'd felt awed by it. But all the newness, all the amazing newness to absorb overrode everything else until she could barely think coherently.

They lay there in silence except for their panting breaths. Shepard stroked his face, fringe and throat with her fingers, loving touching him. Still feeling him inside as he'd yet to withdraw despite definitely not being as hard. Garrus slid his hands up under her shoulders and held her to him, his tongue licking her chest and neck.

“Are y-you okay, babe?” he finally managed, his voice worn out and very raw.

Shepard nodded, still catching her breath. “Y-Yeah. You?”

“Absolutely,” he murmured, nuzzling her. It took a few more moments before he finally had the strength to let go of her and push himself up to his arms, blue eyes tiredly opening on her, but still aroused as fuck. He lifted on his side and made himself slide out of her. Shepard whimpered at the feeling, as it let her finally register her soreness. She had been thoroughly fucked, that she knew, and more than she ever had been before. Garrus rolled off of her to his right on his back and tucked her into his chest so they could spoon like they'd done before. His teeth lightly grazed her shoulder to her neck. “Spirits, A. That was...the best sex I've _ever_ had. I...I don't...I can't even comprehend it.”

“S-Same,” she whispered, exhausted, but still in awe, even as she felt his semen sliding out of her a little.

He let his head fall behind hers, nose nuzzling into her hair and inhaling with a sigh. “You smell so good.”

“What do I smell like, Garrus?”

“You, me, and sex. Never shower again. Or, at least, don't use soap.”

“Hah, Garrus. I love your scent, you know.”

Garrus licked under her ear before shuddering against her back. “Fuck, babe. I'm still feeling you tighten around me, like a repeating memory. It's keeping me semi-hard.”

“You...serious?” Shepard asked, a bit disbelieving.

Garrus thrust against her ass and let her feel his more withdrawn erection that was still there. When he spoke it was breathy. “Oh yeah. Turian...stamina...is good for something.”

“Jesus, honey. You're gonna have to give me a few minutes,” Shepard groaned out, wanting him but unsure she had the strength in that second.

“I won't pressure you, don't worry. I'm still just...wow. What is it you say sometimes? 'Oh my God.'”

“Haha, yeah. But that's a good thing.” Shepard rolled in his arms to face him, her hand stroking his cheek as his arms tightened around her. “So. We just had fantastic sex, Garrus. What the hell were we worried about? The amount of physical chemistry we have is ridiculous.”

Garrus smirked and rubbed her face with his. “That we did, Shepard. And you're right. We got too worried about things when we should have just let feelings take over instead. But I'm glad I let you sketch me first—made it a little more romantic.”

“Worth the wait?”

“Spirits, yes. But I still wish we'd done this sooner. I mean, if you'd not come back, I'd never have...felt this whole. I feel so good right now, Shepard. So entirely whole, like this is _exactly_ where I am supposed to be: with you and in you and in your heart like you're in mine,” he stated, eyes flicking over her face. “Does...that make sense?”

Shepard smiled tiredly. “Yeah, hon. It does. I feel the same way. Complete.”

“Exactly—complete.”

With a tired reach, Shepard grabbed some tissues and cleaned herself, a bit surprised at how much of his fluid had come out of her. Garrus was too busy nibbling over her shoulder and neck to notice as she tossed the tissues into a trash can to later be taken to the dispenser. Shepard collapsed back into his hold, satisfied and exhausted. “Mm, I might fall asleep, Garrus. But I could wake up in the middle of the night horny. So.”

Garrus growled before the sound shifted into a sigh. “I'm totally fine with that, babe. I'm mounting you next time. Fuck. It's going to be insanely good. We've got so much to make up for, you know?”

Shepard only laughed softly into the now quiet room. She stretched a leg and it rested in the nook of his leg spur very comfortably. “Mm-hm. Perfect,” she mumbled, eyes closing.

“I know they're only there for balance, but you're right. It's like it's made for you,” he whispered and kissed her once. His handsome blues drifted some. “I...think we were meant, babe. I don't know how else to...explain all of this.”

“Mm hm,” she agreed, falling asleep as she settled closer and rested her cheek against his cowl, one arm under his, the other letting her fingers lie beneath his jaw.

“Sleep, A. I can't wait to do this again.”

“That is so cute.”

“Shut up,” he teased. Garrus kissed her hair. “Night, Athena. I...Spirits, I'm glad I have you.”

“Same, Garrus. G'night, honey,” she sleepily replied, fingers tightening on his back. “Sleep well.”

They both quickly drifted off, spent and more comfortable, both happier than they had been, in a long, long time.  
  
  
  
  


 


	44. Growing Depth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

 

 

Garrus stretched a little, enjoying his dream. In it he was revisiting that night in the turian bar, and instead of drinking himself stupid, he'd stormed over, punched Chellick in the face, picked Shepard up, and carried her the hell out of there with the intent of demonstrating why he was the only turian she'd ever need. Garrus hummed as his dream self flung everything off his table in his apartment and he sat her there, his talons ripping her shirt off.

Slowly, by small degrees, he became aware that he felt very warm and safe. Aroused, but not worried about hurting himself. Whatever softness he'd curled up with was cushioning him, and he rubbed against it as he buried himself further into the gentleness. A soft little moan responded to his actions.

His blue eyes immediately snapped open in awareness, and his jaw dropped.

Shepard was in his arms, one of her legs wrapped over his thigh and down to his left leg spur, a small human hand resting on his back. Her hair was strewn about them somewhat, touching his face against the pillow. His eyes traveled her sleeping face, realizing once more how utterly beautiful she appeared to him: green eyes softly closed, lips barely parted, face more relaxed than he'd ever seen. It wasn't easy to explain how she still registered so pretty despite not being turian.

It all came back to him then—the wine, her sketching him, their sex. Spirits, their sex. Garrus blinked as the memory of her clenching around him as he came rocked through his body. He swallowed, staring at her, and one talon gently traced her cheek. There had been nervousness, uncertainty and hope that he would satisfy her, but even so he'd known that because of all that he felt inside and what he knew she felt for him that their joining was going to be intensely special. And it was, Spirits, it was.

Garrus could smell the mingled pheromones and scents around them, revealing her satisfaction and relaxation, his need and the combined results. But it was what he smelled on her body itself that made his chest tighten painfully.   
  
He'd put a complete imprint on her once they'd begun dating—a turian's way of marking his or her territory for others to know, and a way to show how much they cared as well. Before it had been presented as desiring and needy, warning anyone else off. Now...after last night it had grown, expanded and deepened in significance. Garrus read his scent mark on her and exhaled, concerned by how much it revealed about him and his feelings and what it would give away for others to see. Because there, strongly underlying all the desire and claim, was one pheromone he'd only smelled before around his parents or other such couples: it was a scent that indicated a bonding imprint, albeit being a very early stage of it.

What that meant terrified him. The fact that he'd felt _so much_ and finally expressed everything he'd repressed or feared for so long last night made him truly notice just how deep his feelings for Shepard had gotten. If that early bonding scent was there in her imprint, it meant everything had changed. He didn't just like her, didn't just want to date her anymore, see where it went if it could go anywhere at all with the differences. It meant he wanted more, that his body and soul had recognized in her what it needed most in a mate and decided. This had _never_ happened with anyone else, any other female, in his life. How was it possible for even his body to feel this way for someone not turian?

Garrus bent his face to hers, struggling to find his breath as the knowledge settled in his gut: He was falling in love with her. Deeply, with the subconscious desire of mating her and her being the one, just like he used to hope on a whim. Hell he'd felt it last night when he'd come inside her and watched her stare up at him with awe, the same awe he'd felt inside. Garrus trembled as she sleepily pressed her brow against his in a sweet gesture, her body tightening around him gently.

His greatest fear now was losing her. There was so much going on in their lives with this whole Collector crap that he knew it would be too difficult to discuss. It was important to remember that she hadn't had the same amount of time he'd had to fall, too. She'd been...dead.

His mind reeled in fear and then to the possibilities of the future should she reciprocate his feelings when he felt ready enough to entirely bare them: the two of them possibly bonding one day and going off on their own, maybe even adopting some kids from human and turian places. Garrus knew if his family had any idea that it had gotten this far that there was a chance his own father would disown him, but...he didn't care.

Blue eyes focused on the small shadow her red hair created over the bridge of her nose, and he felt the confirmation inside of him with almost a smile. It made sense now, the old saying turians had about bonded mates: The ancestor Spirits themselves couldn't stand in the way of a truly bonded couple.

Shepard suddenly took a breath and exhaled, stretching somewhat in his hold. Her eyelids fluttered a little, those pretty long eyelashes that fascinated him lifting until green eyes were regarding him softly. A beautiful small smile touched her lips. “Hi,” she whispered in the quiet.

Garrus stared into her eyes, feeling that love reverberating inside of him, and smiled a little in return. “Hey.”

“You...okay?” she asked, one hand coming up to stroke his face.

“Yeah, A.” Garrus mimicked her move with his talons, brushing her cheek bones and tucking hair behind her ear. “You all right?”

“Yep.”

They both stared at one another, a little awkward, before she started laughing quietly. Garrus laughed, too, knowing it was just a side effect of remembering all that had happened the night before and how amazing it had been. He felt himself emerge more and nuzzled her brow with his mouth. Shepard smiled when his cock rubbed her stomach. She looked up at him, biting her lip.

“Mm. I had a good dream, too,” he admitted with a smirk. “Waking up to you only...furthered the results.”

“So what was this dream about, huh?”

“I dreamed that I hit Chellick and took you home from the bar. Ripped your clothes off on my table. You can guess from there.”

She shuddered against him, and he gripped her upper arm as he felt it. “Damn, Garrus.”

“I know,” he laughed. “I should have done it that night.”

Shepard blinked a few times and held his face. “Did...did you want me that night? Truly?”

“Yes, A. I just...I wasn't sure if you'd...let friendship stay in the way.” Garrus exhaled some stress. “By that point I'd known what I felt about you and accepted it. Embraced it.”

“Ugh. Why didn't you just tell me?”

“You were skittish. So was I, fearing your rejection.” Hell, he still did.

“Well I was still on the fence if you were okay with feeling anything toward a human, so.” She shook her head a little against her pillow. “Apparently we suck at communicating some, huh.”

“We're better now without so much...tension and uncertainty.”

“True. Garrus, do you...do you remember when you knew you felt something for me? I'm curious about it.”

He pressed his face into his pillow and nodded as he regarded her. “Yep. I mean, I always felt something special for you, but when Chellick insinuated some shit after I called him out on the crap he pulled in his office, I knew it had to be something _different_. It...freaked me out, and I fought it at first because I couldn't fathom that possibility, and I didn't want to feel I was disrespecting you in any way. Later...I wanted at least real friendship, so I asked you for it. When you said you 'liked my face,' I just...something in me started to get it. I was so freaked out for a while that I'd bared my throat to you because I'd done it without me realizing what I was doing.”

“I...oh.” Shepard kissed him briefly. “I understand.”

“Yeah. But I couldn't deny that I liked you romantically after Noveria and Feros. Holding you in that elevator did something to me, just like driving the Mako with you on my lap did—like it was just confirmation, you know?” He smiled, thinking back through the memories. “The moment it really hit me though—where I couldn't deny it or brush it off or claim it was anything else but strong romantic feelings—was when Kaidan and I both went for Conrad on the Citadel. I felt the challenge, what territorial turians feel when a rival does something or feels something for their partner. Of course he wanted to talk about it after you went to do whatever, and I really, really didn't. After that he more or less told me he was gonna back off—he said he thought my feelings were...returned.”

Shepard closed her eyes, tightly for a second, and Garrus winced when he realized she felt some grief over Kaidan again. But she took a breath and pushed through it. “Yeah. He...was a great guy. One of the best.”

“I know. When we were running for it on Virmire, his last words were in my comm. He said to take care of you because you were gonna need me. I almost fucking fell on my face, Athena.” Garrus sighed at that memory, hearing Kaidan's soft words once more. “I think he knew that little kiss he gave you before he died was his last way to say goodbye, and even that, though I tried to get it, killed me. Fuck that hurt.”

“Garrus....” His girlfriend leaned forward and kissed him, closing her eyes. He moaned a bit, struggling with the mixed feelings, but she held onto him even after she'd pulled back. Green eyes searched his. “Honey, I...I wish I'd known. I'd have reassured you. And you were there for me. The one I needed, the one who complemented me in every sense. He must have known.”

Garrus inhaled, understanding more now. “Okay.”

“Yeah.” Shepard reached between them and stroked over him with her small fingers. Garrus groaned and closed his eyes for a second, unable to even put into words in his head how that touch felt. Just so soft and curious where he was most sensitive. She glanced behind briefly at the holo-clock. “We've got a couple of hours yet before shift....”

“So we do,” he murmured, feeling absolutely enraptured by her tender touch, the little nervousness yet command of herself he'd always seen in her. Garrus thrust into her fingers a little. “What do you...propose we do?”

Shepard ran her human tongue along her upper lip and brought her eyes to his face. Garrus's breath caught at how sexy that little action was, and he felt himself slip out fully. “Last night you mentioned a turian pose.”

Mounting. He wanted to mount her. His mouth went dry, and he nodded roughly. “Uh huh.”

“Wanna try?”

“Fuck, babe, _yeah_.” Garrus pulled her close and rolled on top of her, licking her neck and biting on the side of it a little in excitement.

Shepard just laughed, enjoying the confidence he'd earned last night. She pulled his face up by lightly tugging on his chin. “You're cute, you know that?”

He raised up then with a full smirk on his face. “Oh. I know.”

And with that he grabbed her and pulled her up to him, chest to chest on their knees.

Shepard made a cute little squeak of surprise before she laughed. Garrus was debating how to start. Should he ask her to turn around or just turn her himself? Would she like that more? Before he could decide, she let go of him, turned in his hold, and rubbed her back against him. Garrus groaned low and gripped her hips, those damn delicious feeling human hips, in his hands. She leaned forward in his hold until she was on her hands, her fleshy round backside against him intimately. Garrus thought he was going to explode from the visual combination.

“Ready?” she asked. Her voice was strong and calm, but he could tell by her scent that she was a little nervous.

Garrus ran a hand down her nice back slowly, enjoying the texture of her smooth skin against his. “If you are.”

“Okay. Like last night. Stop thinking and just do it.”

“Got it.” Garrus chuckled a little and almost lost his mind when he felt for her entrance and found her wet like last night. Excitedly, he pushed a little against her, letting her know he was ready, but to his complete surprise Shepard pushed hard back against him, taking him part way inside of her. Garrus's jaw dropped as his talons tightened harshly on her hips at that heated wet softness once more. He'd never felt anything like it before in his life; not that turian females didn't feel good, just that this was simply different and, to be honest... _better._ “ _Fuck_ , babe.”

“Mmmm. You're in charge, Garrus.” Shepard took a big breath and let it out slowly. “Your pace.”

He audibly swallowed, but then realized that this...this was a fucking fantasy for him—getting to sexually dominate Shepard, just as being dominated by her was one of his, too. And with that thought as his last coherent one, Garrus slid home, blindsided by how good his girlfriend felt while in a traditional turian position and wishing it was never going to end.

  
  
  


 


	45. The Justicar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

  
  
  
  
  


“One more time. Did _you ingest_ fluid, Shepard?”

“ _No_ , Mordin.”

“Shepard. Understand that some details might seem embarrassing. Don't care. Not here for laughs, here for health.”

“Christ, Mordin, I didn't swallow _anything_. He just,...you know. Did the thing. Ta da.”

“Possible leftover ejaculate in vagina,” Mordin muttered and typed into his records. “Any signs of irritation? Itching, burning, discomfort.”

Shepard was mortified, stuck inside the medbay with the fucking salarian and a _very_ silent, laughing-eyed Chakwas at her desk. “Again, _no_. No problems. And it came out, damn it. I used a few tissues and showered this morning after round _two_ just fine.”

“Hm.”

When he moved to open his mouth again, Shepard growled at him, “If you ask me for a goddamn pap after this, I might slap you, no matter how well you mean me.”

Chakwas coughed out a laugh, shoved her chair back, and exited the medbay in a clear attempt of saving her dignity. Shepard just wanted to do the same goddamn thing.

Ten more minutes of awkward questions and looking over the redness on her thighs to conclude that yes, she was just agitated both mentally and physically and not having a skin rash reaction, Shepard practically _fled_ Mordin's space, hearing that bastard snickering after her.

She stormed into the battery where Garrus whirled around once, eyeing her like she'd gone crazy. She probably looked it, frazzled and everything else.

“What?” he asked, cautious.

“I hope he gives you the same shit he just gave me.”

“Who?”

“ _Mordin_. Did I ingest? Did I ingest, Garrus? He asked me _five times_ this morning. Was I _sure_? How was my discomfort? Did I _itch_ in there?” she spat each one out, getting redder with every question tossed her way with concern this morning.

Garrus chortled, falling against the side of the gun with a loud laugh.

“Oh _fuck_ you,” Shepard sneered and flipped him off, moving to stomp out in embarrassment.

Turian arms quickly caught her, lifting her briefly off of her feet to swing her around and plant her down again. “Babe, babe. It's fine. He's just...being him.”

“ _Ugh_.”

“Commander, Samara would like to speak with you,” EDI spoke over the ship's comm.

Well good. She needed _something_ to distract her. Shepard sighed under Garrus's chin as he hugged her. “Be there in a sec, EDI.”

“You...are okay though, right?” Garrus asked her as she stepped for the door.

“Ask me that one more time, and you don't get laid until I kill the Reapers.”

“Ouch.”

Shepard caught the smirk in his blue eyes and couldn't stop the grin they inspired. Damn, just looking at him, just _knowing_ what they'd done...the room was already hotter. “Who the hell am I kidding? We both know that's bullshit.”

Garrus tossed her a flirty smirk of his mandibles and brows and shrugged. “Yeah, but you're stubborn.”

“Even so, you're too damn hot,” Shepard admitted and ran for it while he stared after her, at first flushed and humbled, and then smug as fuck.

By the time she even got to Samara's window view, she was honestly grateful the justicar had asked to speak with her. They'd not had much time alone to talk thus far, and Shepard needed something to chill her down a few pegs.

“Hey. EDI said you wanted to talk?” she asked, raising her brows when Samara gestured for her to sit nearby. She did so, folding her legs, eyes immediately settling upon the stars outside.

“I know you've had questions. I know you've been polite and professional. But I know you are stressed, you are frustrated, and you have a mission that has a will of its own,” Samara began softly beside her in that calm voice. “I know asking for your aid on Illium was an extra obstacle you had not expected, nor should you have. Had I not been bound by law, I would never have asked you to do what you had done. But I want you to know, Commander, that it was for good reason.”

Shepard rested her palms over her knees. “You said it was the name of a dangerous person.”

“Yes, Commander. I've been hunting her for a while. You see...like every species, the asari have some...genetic problems that can create ill mental and physical health.”

“Like how anyone can get depression, but turians can go primal.”

“Exactly. Surprised a human knows of that, though.”

“I've...seen it,” she murmured, not sharing more than that. “What is the asari's version?”

Samara slightly adjusted her balance next to Shepard, the light of the room briefly reflecting off of the red and gold of her armor and catching the Commander's eye. “Asari have more than one issue, as do turians. For us...I suppose you understand how we mate, Commander?”

“Yep. Had an awkward, young asari on my last mission tell me all about it, poor girl.”

The justicar smiled. Just enough. “Did she mention what it is to be pureblood?”

“Yes,” Shepard verified readily.

“Though we obviously _do_ breed with one another, we genetically diversify by breeding outside of our species. Sometimes, though, traits can pass on through purebreeding. Genes can...not form correctly or have mutations. One such problem creates a dangerous being, should the asari give into the impulses it can grant.”

Green eyes slid to her left. “Like?”

Samara's face grew darker. Colder. “It births murderers, Commander. It reshapes the victim's genetics so that a bonding, a mating, with anyone becomes _lethal_ , whether the asari means to harm them or not. It also gives them...sway. Charisma in ways you could not expect. And for some of these asari, it becomes an obvious drug. A thrill. And it leaves behind many bodies in its wake for as long as they survive.”

“My God,” Shepard whispered, horrified. Just trying to imagine it was...so hard. “But they couldn't all just want to kill people. Some of them would just be devastated knowing they could never have everything with someone they love.”

“That is...true. But there is too much risk. Some stay in a monastery, bound by codes and law and kept within the sect for safety all around. If they break such rules, they know the price. And the rest...are hunted to be killed.”

“For being born wrong.”

“For killing. Again and again. Do not fall prey to sympathy, Commander, for they won't,” Samara warned, glancing to her with a look that made Shepard feel five years old. “I have been hunting one such asari. An _Ardat-Yakshi,_ as we call them. And the ship name you discovered has led my trail to...to Omega. I can only hope she has not left yet. When I heard you mention stopping for supplies yesterday morning over breakfast, I...considered this conversation more.”

Shepard sighed. Yet again, some odd favor requested of her. Jack, Jacob, Zaeed, Kasumi, and Samara. She supposed she couldn't blame them, again, she knew they needed their clear heads. But still. While waiting on news from the Illusive Man for her next move, Shepard felt...a bit useless with all of this. It just wasn't Alliance-like at all.

“I ask for your aid, Commander, not only for you to understand this importance, but for you to also feel...that your time has not been wasted. I can guarantee you that tracing this _Ardat-Yakshi_ will save a life, if not several.”

“I understand,” she replied, contemplative. At least Samara seemed to get the intense pressure on _her_ to fulfill all of this for everyone. To lead them all. Even Krios oddly seemed to do so as well, often watching her after she talked with someone with a look of sympathy in his double-blinking gaze. “We'll hunt her down if she's still there.”

She rose up to stretch, deciding to tackle her inbox, when Samara's words stopped her cold by the door.

“Commander...what I am asking you to help me do...it is also a gesture of trust. I am a mother, Shepard, a mother of three,” Samara softly spoke, her back to Shepard as she still stared out the window at the stars. “And each one of them...I have passed this anomaly to them. This...monster...on Omega—she is my daughter. Morinth. Understand by agreeing that though you save lives, you will help me kill my daughter who fled, who enjoyed the rush her genetics have given her and left those bodies in her wake.”

Shepard shook slightly. It was _not_ common for something to rattle her like this, but the way the justicar still sat—so calm, so straight—with her voice steady until it wavered _just_ the slightest bit on her daughter's name....

“I won't tell anyone,” she whispered, taking a step closer to Samara on the floor. “And thank you for...for the honesty.”

“If I am to watch you dedicate everything you are to your cause, to this crew that takes advantage of you without them sometimes even knowing so...then I will dedicate myself as much, just as I swore to you by my code. We are warriors, Commander. And we are honorable.”

“Yes,” Shepard said, green eyes tight with respect and emotion. “We are.”

  
  
  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Oh my God, Mordin.]  
> [Also foreshadowing from ME3 here. Always thought it was a little odd how we go from just her daughters to a damn monastery full of folks.]


	46. Batarian Beatdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

 

 

 

He didn't go down with her and the crazy biotic to blow up the old Cerberus base on Pragia, but he did wait, hoping Shepard wouldn't get shot by an emotional Jack if she'd tried any of the maneuvers Shepard had pulled on _him_ with the Sidonis crap. And when all that had happened was them finding some other victim of the place trying to reopen it for some odd reason with hired mercs, Garrus listened into his comm line at the minute arguing he could pick up from her mic between Taylor and Jack and the shots fired at krogan.

He trusted Shepard to do what she had to do. He knew there was no one better to rely on, no one anybody else on this ship wanted at their back if they had to fight for something so personal. But he still hissed under his breath as he heard Shepard shouting for their shuttle pilot to “move faster, I ain't gonna be toasted out this way,” he got a little worried.

The duo had made it back up with Taylor shaking his head, and Garrus got enough time to hug her once and soothe _both_ their nerves before Shepard was called away by Joker's worry over Jack and Miranda fighting.

Shepard's remarks to them both, shouted well enough that the entire level of crew heard them, got him thinking, too. He thought about the bit of dysfunction and lack of trust still between people, the side-eyes and the unspoken hopes of getting along with all their wildly different backgrounds and motives. And he thought about how Shepard was at the center of it all, running herself ragged _again_.

So, when she'd grabbed his arm and led him, Goto, and Samara out into Omega during a gassing stop for another side favor, Garrus balled his talons into his palms.

Shepard finished talking to Samara outside of the upper level of Omega's hottest club about this Morinth person and the danger. Knowing well how dangerous this asari apparently was just by speaking with a human victim's mother, Garrus still had the worry and thought for his girlfriend in his head enough to grumble, “Have I mentioned how uncool with this I am?”

“I'll be fine Garrus. I'm not into women,” Shepard countered with a reassuring smirk.

Garrus stared at her like she had suddenly grown turian mandibles. Because duh, but also because he'd just _heard_ accounts of what this target could do; Samara, herself, seemed on edge about letting Shepard go alone as bait, too.

“The asari seduces and murders people for a living. I don't think it would matter if she uses _power_ to influence you!” Garrus sighed and rubbed the good side of his face, feeling Goto staring at him intently from under her hood.

“Garrus, I swear on my honor that no harm will come to Shepard,” Samara stated and bent to crouch in a stance he remembered Shepard describing from picking the justicar up on Illium.

Garrus waved his hands. “I don't need any oath, Samara. I believe you. I just....”

Shepard gave him her small smile and held his arm briefly. “I know. Instincts.”

Her cover wasn't enough, and Goto finally coughed in a polite manner, eyes glittering in the dark and smile bright. “Can't say I wouldn't be as worried if _I_ were dating you in the situation, Shep.”

Shepard's eyes rounded. Garrus's did, too.

But before Shepard could even ask how Goto had known or inquire about the very small, knowing smile on Samara's lips, Garrus gave up and threw his thoughts right out into the open. Might as fucking well now, with the list of crew who knew about them on the ship growing.

“Fuck it, she's right. You're my girlfriend. That makes this all kinds of fucked up,” he growled low, keeping his words down from the bouncer turian nearby. Garrus caught the male sniff a little and froze, thinking. “Wait. What if Morinth smells me on her or any imprinting? Could that fuck it up?”

Samara shook her head. “Morinth likes those who come to her seeking darker pleasures and freedoms most would deem immoral or at the least strange. If she can tell a turian has been with the Commander, it may draw her more.”

“Oh.”

“Don't sound so disappointed,” Shepard teased him. Immediately she shifted into her commanding tone. “Now I'm gonna go in there, get her attention, and use our talking points. Once I can get her to leave, I'll go with her. Samara, you get her the hell away from me as soon as you can without her having a chance of running. We'll all rendezvous back outside lower Afterlife.”

Garrus groaned as Kasumi patted his armored shoulder. “It'll be okay. She's Shep.”

“I don't have to like it. No mission we've ever had before included _this_ kind of stuff,” he countered and crossed his arms, eyes darting to Shepard as she left Samara's side, talked to the bouncer and got into the club. The turian had paused as she entered past him, sniffing the air. He looked puzzled, but faced front after the door sealed again. “Shit, she's in.”

Samara nodded. “I'm going to follow. I promise to protect her.”

When all Garrus could do was stare at the door shutting behind the justicar, Goto grabbed him by the arm and tugged him away, whispering how _adorable_ he was in his stubbornness.

 

 

\-------------------

 

 

The two women exited Morinth's apartment in heavy silence.

Shepard knew Samara was struggling with grieving and doing what was necessary, what was right, and what her Code demanded. She'd just killed a murderer, yes, but she'd also killed one of her _own children_. There wasn't any way Shepard could remotely understand what the older asari was going through to even begin to know what to say.

Morinth had pointed out Shepard's own previous point, too, asking if she should be condemned to die just for how she was born. The younger asari had even offered to take her mother's place on her crew, but Shepard had refused. Because cursed genetics or no, Morinth had still taken lives quite willingly, and the damning evidence of just _one_ case within Nef's apartment was enough to convince Shepard that Samara's point still stood.

Nonetheless, she tried to be supportive to the quiet asari as they got toward the alley way meet up location. “Samara...I'm sorry.”

Samara nodded, not stopping her stride, eyes forward without a tear. “It had to be done, Commander. I can only thank you again for allowing me your help to trap her. I appreciate that you trusted me to keep you safe.”

“Of course. Samara, listen...if you need some time...just take it. I'll be sure no one bothers you.” Shepard tried to match the taller asari's stride and had to walk a little faster. “Just let me know, okay? I...wish I knew what else to do for you.”

Samara actually stopped then, tilted her head, and gave Shepard a broken tiny smile. “It will be fine, Commander. You have done all you can already, and that has been enough. I will be fine.”

“If you're sure....”

“Commander, I have spent centuries taking lives of those the Code demands in its fight for justice. It has caused me to appreciate the emotional distance required to fulfill the Code. This kill was simply...much more...personal. I hurt, yes, but I cannot allow myself to dwell on it. The Code was fulfilled.” Samara briefly gave her a respectful nod and gestured. “Come. I am certain that a specific turian is rather anxious until he sees you are fine. I cannot blame him because he understood the danger without underestimating you.”

Shepard smiled sheepishly as they resumed their pace, ignoring the preachy batarian nearby and his idiotic crowd. “Yeah. He's...he's a good one.”

“Indeed. I am glad you have one another,” Samara softly spoke.

“Me too,” Shepard sighed, just fucking relieved she could talk about it with someone else not Chakwas or Joker or her mother. Or, God forbid, _Mordin_.

Minutes later they came into sight of the location meet up, down below by the lower doors of Afterlife. Garrus was pacing back and forth, gloved hands clenched at his sides and visor shimmering in the muted red lighting. Kasumi sat nearby on one of the sloped wall supports, a leg over the other, talking to him.

Shepard smiled as she grew closer. The master thief was throwing out crazy personal questions to distract her poor boyfriend from his worry.

“So if we survive all of this stuff, where's the first place you're going to yank Shep to so you can fuck?” Kasumi grinned under her hood very visibly when Garrus whipped his head around to stare at her, gaping. “What? C'mon, it's a natural response to near-death experiences. Sex reminds us what's so damn good about being alive.”

Garrus shook his head. “You're bizarre, thief.”

“ _I_ am not the one with a girlfriend from another species, but I'm bizarre? Come now, let's be fair.” Kasumi laughed and crossed her arms. “Garrus, just gimme an answer.”

He tossed his hands up in the air in defeat as Shepard and Samara approached a little behind him. “Fine, Goto. I'd lock the airlock and take her there. We wouldn't make it past the cockpit. You'd all have to deal with it. Satisfied?”

“Oh yes,” Kasumi snickered and made a point of looking over his shoulder.

Garrus turned then, scenting the air, and those handsome blues found her. Shepard was biting her lip in the smile on her face, trying not to laugh at his uncomfortable look. 

Samara's eyes warmed as she bowed her head. “Returned safely as promised.”

“Thanks, Samara,” Garrus murmured, gaze still on Shepard. She took a step toward him and patted his armored shoulder.

“Yeah. I let Morinth believe she had me under her power, then Samara came in...and did what had to be done.” Shepard paused, looking to the asari again for any signs of serious stress. The trained warrior merely shrugged, accepting the statement as what it was—fact.

Garrus tilted his face and glanced to Samara. “Sorry about...earlier.”

“It is fine, Garrus. Thank you.”

Kasumi pushed herself off the wall ledge and clapped her hands. “How about a drink? I think we could all use one at this point.”

“I will return to the ship if I am not needed beyond this point, Commander.”

Shepard nodded her approval at Samara. “Absolutely. Go ahead.”

The remaining trio watched the justicar walk off a bit stiffly. Shepard sighed knowing that despite all her logic and training, Samara was going to have to have that moment of breaking for a little while.

“I hate that this happened,” she muttered.

She hadn't told Garrus the truth about Morinth's ties to Samara out of honor and hopeful friendship with the justicar, but he somehow seemed to sense the deeper meaning anyway, watching Shepard's face.

Garrus wrapped his arm around her waist and nuzzled her cheek. “She's strong, babe. Samara will get through whatever it is.”

“I know. But damn it, she...I wish I had more I could say in support.”

“Lots of times we can't. But them knowing you care, that you're there? That's all that matters,” he replied with a smile. “Samara knows, Shepard. It's okay.”

Kasumi nodded as the door to the club's lower floor opened. “C'mon. Let's go dance.”

Shepard eyed the shady crowd of mixed aliens. Some were watching asari dancers, some were getting lap dances, and others were dancing away. She supposed, though, that it couldn't be any worse than the upper floor of Afterlife. In a way Aria's spot was just a cover for what Shepard agreed with Miranda on: Omega was a pisshole.

She went on inside, following Kasumi, with Garrus behind her. The moment they got near a smaller crowd with two turians, the heads all shifted to them. Shepard rolled her eyes, feeling the scrutiny over her very awesome relationship.

One turian tried cat-calling her in a mocking tone, and Garrus growled. The second turian had paused, staring at Garrus's armor, his eyes on the little wings on one arm piece. He elbowed his buddy and motioned. Garrus trailed his fingers over his rifle's handle, eyes not leaving the pair.

Shepard simply rolled hers again. “Fuck them, c'mon. They can't do anything. Aria owes me favors if they try.”

“I know. But it's a challenge thing.” Garrus replied, only relaxing his stance when both turians got up and left for the dance floor, seeming afraid to tangle with Archangel himself who'd, according to one rumor, survived the merc group massive attack and wiped everyone else out.

Kasumi slid onto a bar stool and patted the one next to her. Shepard climbed on, debating what to drink in this place. Garrus stood a little close to her, eyes scanning the crowd for threats like usual. Kasumi clapped him on the arm. “Relax, Garrus. Sheesh.”

A batarian bar tender came over to them, all four eyes narrowed impressively. Shepard narrowed hers back after noticing they had tightened on her specifically. He grabbed a few glasses and sat them on the bar in front of her. “What can I _get you_?” he grumbled out in a snarky tone.

Now, she knew that batarians hated her kind in general, but this seemed excessive unless he knew her and was involved in that Terra Nova incident somehow.

She wondered about it until she saw his angry glare slide over Garrus with his nostrils flared in disgust. Shepard sat forward aggressively, getting his attention. “Human whiskey if you've got it. Two shots. One dextro equivalent.”

“Make mine an asari blue vista,” Kasumi piped up while playing with her omni-tool.

“Sure,” the batarian murmured, dropping his expression and going through the motions as he poured their drinks. Shepard watched him pour her something from a different bottle, some brand she didn't recognize but did say whiskey on the side. He slid them the drinks.

Shepard waited until she saw Kasumi sip her asari drink without any effect before trusting enough to drink her own shot. She tossed it back, swallowing the burn of it down her throat as Garrus moved to grab his glass. The burning settled in her chest before it spread down her body and caught in her gut, turning into severe pain. Shepard clutched her abdomen through her armor, confused as to why whiskey would do this to her since she'd always drank it before.

Garrus caught her movement and sat his glass back down. “You okay?”

“Don't...feel right.”

Instantly his hands were on her shoulders, pulling her off the stool. Garrus's face in front of her looked blurry, and Shepard knew then with certainty that fucking batarian had had the balls to try and poison her. She choked and went limp as the burning tore through her again renewed, and she tried to cough, but her throat was on fire.

Garrus panicked and yelled for Kasumi before carrying her out near the door. Shepard was unable to make out anything he was saying; she could only hear a muted version of that sexy voice as it freaked out over her, but she saw the thief drop everything and move quickly to get the door open. Kasumi shined a light in her eyes, and Shepard felt the thief forcing her heavy lids open to check her pupils.

Then everything went black.

What seemed like hours later, Shepard came to, throat absolutely raw and feeling the need to vomit. She coughed harshly and cried out, hand grasping her neck at the pain.

Garrus stroked her brow, his handsome face appearing in her vision. “Babe? Babe? Spirits, Shepard, look at me please!”

“Garrus?” she mumbled, trying to clear the fog in her head and hold her control of the rebellion going on in her stomach.

“It's me. You're okay. Thank Spirits you're okay. Thought I was going to have to medivac you out.”

She blinked and looked around her, realizing they were back outside in the spot where she and Samara had met up with him. Kasumi was nearby talking to a human man, and both came over when they saw her glancing toward them.

“She's alive! I'm so relieved,” the man said and bent to his knees. Kasumi mimicked him.

Shepard felt crowded and cringed as Kasumi lit the light in her face again and the man sighed in relief. “Thank God.”

“What...?” she asked, swallowing harshly.

The man gave her a bottle of water which she guzzled immediately to cool the fire in her throat and gut. Kasumi rubbed her hooded face with a sigh. “I'm so glad you're okay, Shep. Jesus, that scared me.”

“What the fuck happened?” she growled out, earning some raised brows from Garrus at the sound. “All I remember is getting a drink and that bartender smirking at me and.... _That mother fucker._ ”

Garrus glanced up to the human with them. “You're certain he's to blame? No one else would have slipped something in her drink?”

“Yes. He...he poisoned my friend, and well, turns out the first rule of Afterlife is don't order a drink if you're human,” the man explained, shaking his head. “At least not from Forvan. It's why my antidote I gave her worked. I've been trying not to let Forvan kill more humans.”

Shepard was fucking angry, her expression dark. “Garrus, get me on my feet. Now.”

“Up you go,” he answered as he complied.

She wavered a little for a second, then felt full control of her body. Kasumi came closer, dark eyes under the hood moving quickly over her face. “Shep...I'm sorry. If I hadn't insisted....”

“Stop right there.” Shepard didn't want Kasumi to worry about anything she'd been unable to foresee. “I want this bastard taken care of right now. Everyone else needs to know.”

“Shepard...” Garrus said low next to her. She turned, fury in her eyes, and found equal fury in his. He smiled with narrowed eyes as he yanked his gloves off to bare his talons. “It would be my pleasure.”

The human with them looked anxious, and Shepard thanked him again for his help before she steeled her shoulders and reentered the bar, a valkyrie's glare on her face. People actually parted from the bar in shock as the trio entered, but she knew it was her anger radiating. If they didn't see it, they smelled it.

The batarian bartender was still there, just cleaning out a glass and not paying attention. Shepard stepped closer, coughed, and when he looked up mouth opening in confusion and fear, she shouted loudly, “I just wanted to _thank you_ for the poisoning attempt on my life, which you _spectacularly_ failed at. I wonder _how many others_ here you've poisoned and tried to kill? How many did die? How many humans? How many _turians_ , even?”

Dancers stopped on the other side of the room. The two turians from before came closer at her shout, eyes nastily glaring at the batarian. One called him right out, using that Forvan name.

Shepard could see the panic setting in those four dark eyes as the room narrowed upon him, vengeance and fury in the air. He spit at her aggressively. “Human filth. Disgusting human whore laying with a turian. Your species should be torn apart, let alone _you_ for what you are.”

The insults didn't phase her; she'd always expected to get some like that thrown her way for being with Garrus. It was disgusting and annoying, but it didn't hurt her. It only made her fucking angrier at this prick.

Shepard had been prepared for the gun raise under the bar, had seen the look of desperation and hate in his eyes before he'd done so. That's why her own hand had yanked her pistol up so fast and aimed for his large head.

What she had _not expected_ at all was her turian boyfriend yanking the sonuvabitch across the bar, grabbing him by the head and slamming it so hard that everyone near heard the crunch of a skull fracture. People jumped back in shock and excitement, but Shepard's eyes were huge as she watched Garrus completely lose himself in anger, stance absolutely that of a predator, dangerous as he eyed the struggling batarian like prey.

Shepard and Kasumi jumped backward out of the way, and she kept her gun raised, debating on taking the shot or letting Garrus get out the anger. The batarian tried to swing up at him as blood gushed down the strange four-eyed face, but Garrus let out a loud roar and, with that primal look in his eyes that Shepard had seen when he'd fought Wrex, brought his talons up and sliced the batarian's throat open, cutting deep enough to dig through some muscle and veins and gush dark red blood everywhere.

Garrus hissed darkly, his now at least partially rational eyes not leaving the wounded batarian before him, and he manage to snarl in a rough voice, like a deeper, more hoarse version of his usual tone, “ _No one_ talks about _my woman_ like that.”

Something low in her belly got warm in a good way from his words. Panic set in for some of the patrons after that, but Shepard's dazed consciousness never left Garrus's form, not even when she could see the two turians from earlier gaping at him nearby. Everything was happening in a bit of slow-motion for her. The batarian grabbed for his neck, sliding down to his knees on the floor in front of Shepard, the blood flooding down the front of him and spattering Garrus's legs as he grasped, flinging the red specks.

Garrus didn't even hesitate. He kicked the batarian away from her and socked him once in the face, knocking the asshole out cold. Shepard swallowed as she tried to ignore the bleeding from the bartender as he rested near the stools.

Those semi-primal turian blues flicked up to find her in front of him. With a low warning growl to everyone around them, he stepped over the body he'd tossed and came to her, bending his face to nuzzle her neck near her armor.

Shepard felt him shake against her and reached up to wrap her arms around his neck, knowing he was trying to come out of the somewhat still existing primal fury.

“It's okay, hon,” she soothed, worried for him. “You're all right.”

Garrus rumbled and kissed her throat, sniffing against her. His arms had come around her waist, his hands holding her firmly to him. Shepard rubbed his brow with her free hand, trying to help calm him down as he pulled back with a shudder of adrenaline. One of the two turians stepped closer, opening his mouth to say something, and Garrus whipped around, sneering.

“I mean no trespass. I only wish to...thank you for beating his ass.” The turian looked extremely nervous, and Shepard recognized him as the one who'd cat-called her mockingly when he'd smelled Garrus's imprint.

So did Garrus. He snarled and shifted his stance to put her behind him, ready to fight. The turian bowed his head a little low and to the side in surrender, stance quivering. “Uh...I'm sorry for, um, earlier. Sorry, ma'am.”

Garrus was breathing quickly, eyes dangerously narrowed on the turian, but thankfully much more normal looking in their intensity than before. Shepard went to diffuse the situation, but Garrus spoke first, his voice so dark that Shepard actually feared for him. “Remember us the next time you throw some shit at people you don't know.”

“I will,” came the reply, and the two turian friends ran around them through the door as many patrons still were doing.

Garrus breathed heavily as he tried to calm, his gaze following the pair of turians out. Shepard holstered her pistol, grabbed his face and turned his head to look at her. Her green eyes searched his in the red light, seeing the tension in them, the same look he'd had after Sidonis had walked away. He was waiting for her to argue with him, to counter him in a reprimand despite his anger.

Shepard licked her lip and stepped up on her toes a little to kiss him. Garrus rumbled in pleasant surprise and kissed back, tightening his hold on her. She retreated a little and rested her brow to his. “Are you okay?”

“I will be,” he said softly, blinking as he let go of her and looked around. He spotted the unconscious batarian and narrowed his gaze with a sneer. Quietly he spoke in the now emptied club, “I would have let you shoot him for the poison attempt, but the fucking idiot spoke. No one will ever talk to you like that and walk away without _something_ broken.”

“Garrus,” she began, trying to calm him still. “It's okay. Thank you.”

He nodded tightly and walked toward the door, one hand reaching out and grabbing her to tag her along with him. “I need out of here.”

Shepard said nothing, unable to find the words.

Sure, she was absolutely in shock. Garrus, the hot-headed rebel she adored, had just attacked someone for her—not on the battlefield, not in a merc attack, but in the middle of a public area with absolute intention. It was...a first, a little uncomfortably arousing in a way, and she wasn't entirely sure that she disapproved, to be honest, considering what the batarian had done and said.

Still, she'd known Garrus was struggling with all the change he'd gone through on Omega, and it scared her to think he'd lost so much of himself to the point even _he_ knew he needed to watch it.

“Please tell me you're going to be okay,” she murmured softly.

“I will be. I want back on the ship so I can get drunk safely in the mess.”

Kasumi jogged alongside them, speaking quietly under her hood, probably alerting Miranda or someone to what had just happened. Shepard looked up and saw some blood spattered on his armor. “Gonna have to clean you up.”

“Let them smell it. Let them know. I will clean it on the ship,” he replied, sounding hollow.

Shepard swerved in front of him and stopped, forcing him to halt. “Look at me. Right now.”

Blue eyes focused sharply. “What?”

“You are Garrus Vakarian, my boyfriend and my best friend in the galaxy. You always have my six, and you will always protect me with everything you have. You are also the same turian who did what he could to right a wrong in the galaxy by bringing down Saren. You sought to do good even here with your moniker. Don't you dare lose yourself to this anger. Don't you go dark on me.” Shepard grabbed the ends of his mandibles and jaw gently with love. “You are _my_ Garrus. You are a survivor, and you will not let this hatred inside from the last two years eat you alive. I _need_ you. Stay you, please, hon. Don't make me afraid of losing who you are. And goddamn it, I never thought I'd get to see you could kick so much ass without a gun in your hands.”

Kasumi's eyes had gone large in the shadow that hid them. Garrus stared her down, searching her face, his eyes roving hers, before he crushed her to him and kissed her deeply, a soft keen cutting from him.

Shepard held him tightly, ignoring the wide eyes under Goto's hood. “All right?” she asked, needing to know he was going to move forward out of the darkness.

Garrus nodded against her, exhaling heavily. “I'm sorry. I lost it back there, but I'm glad you...appreciated my efforts.”

“Oh hell yeah. I'm just worried about you.”

“I'm better now that I don't think you're pissed at me. I see what you're saying, though. I'll...I'll try.” Garrus sighed. “Let's get out of here.”

It took them a few minutes to get past the gaggle of people that had started to come back and gawk, but they finally made it to docking and entered the airlock. Shepard opened her omni-tool at a ping and saw a message from Aria herself stating her approval and that she'd clean up the batarian and the situation. Thank God. That was one less worry. She snorted, though, at the thought of Aria's face when she'd been told.

“What?” Kasumi asked, confused by the sudden atmosphere change.

“Just imagining the look on Aria's face when she found out. She just sent me a message that she's taking care of clean up.” Shepard's eyes trailed to Garrus. “And she remarked that Archangel actually might be as dangerous as he sounds.”

“Heh.”

They made it onto the ship. Joker spun in his chair to greet them, his eyes going straight to the blood on Garrus's armor. “Uh, guys? Samara came back and said it was all okay. What the fuck happened?”

Garrus shifted in his stance. “Piece of shit batarian tried to murder my girlfriend with poison in a drink, then said something so horrible I can't even repeat it. So I beat his fucking ass.”

Joker laughed a little as he adjusted his hat, then quit as soon as he realized Garrus wasn't joking. He focused on Shepard. “Are you serious? What the hell?”

“It's fine now,” she reassured him and patted Garrus's back.

Kasumi slipped past with a smirk at Joker. “Garrus almost took his head off. Literally.”

“I didn't cut _that_ deep,” Garrus corrected and rolled his shoulders. “Well, maybe. I don't care.”

Joker jaw dropped. “Wait. Wait, wait. Garrus Vakarian, did you just straight up almost murder a batarian for Shepard? Seriously?”

Shepard nodded, watching Garrus alternate between being uncomfortable and proud of what he'd done. “Yeah, Joker. Garrus tore him up.”

“Jesus. Well...good for you, bro. I got your back.” Joker winked and swiveled around.

Shepard followed Garrus to the elevator, entering it as it came back from dropping off Kasumi. When it closed its doors she took his hand. “Let's take a hot shower. I'll give you a rubdown and we'll crash. Sound good?”

“Yeah. Sounds good.”

“Garrus?”

“Hm? I'm.... I'm just...surprised at myself. I mean, I knew I had it in me, but...actually doing something like that was an entirely different matter.” He shifted, squeezing her hand in his. “I _needed_ to do it, Shepard. It really _was_ instinct to protect you.”

Shepard turned EDI off like usual as she led him out of the elevator and into her cabin. There she paused and started undoing the snaps on his armor.

Garrus smiled a little at her tiredly.

“So you're not mad at me?” he asked in the quiet.

“Nope. Just want you to bounce back and be yourself. I was gonna shoot the asshole anyway, and I totally get why you nailed him,” she answered honestly with a comforting smile. Shepard stepped away to start undoing her own armor clasps, but turian hands stopped her. She smiled again, watching them slide to unlock the pieces and free her until she was only in her under suit like him.

Shepard stripped out of the suit and her underwear and walked into the bathroom, starting a hot shower. She turned to face him as he entered, naked, eyes on her. With a single finger she beckoned him. Garrus smirked and came closer, groaning under the hot water. He touched her gently, eyes full of emotions as the water sprayed over them.

Shepard pulled her wet hair back from her face. “I'm kind of impressed, Garrus. I mean, that first _crack_ to the bar—you couldn't have pulled that off any more perfect for the hit you struck.”

His brows went up. “S'why people tend to not fuck with turians when they know they're going primal. It's also why certain mental illnesses are treated so seriously, especially any that reduce self-control or lack of awareness of others to the point of danger. Each species has its own variety, I'm sure, but...for us, well.”

“Not many aliens know about that, though.”

“Not as many, no. Pirates might, especially if they deal with turian mercs. We're usually a very controlled and collective bunch, repressing or growing out of these more instinctual urges to gain civility instead, but once in a while a situation comes along that just...makes you snap, if it's bad enough. If you've got the...well, inclination in your family and whatnot. Each time you do, there's a risk you develop it as a serious illness.”

“I don't think you're a danger to yourself or anyone on the ship, Garrus.” Shepard took the rough scrubber she kept in her bathroom for him and soaped it up with turian body wash. Garrus stared down at her with his heart in his eyes as she washed him. “You'll always protect me, won't you. No matter what.”

Garrus tipped her chin up to look at him. “Always, A. I promise to try to be reasonable about it, s'long as they're not saying that kinda shit to you. Might still punch a few. Of course, anyone shooting at you is fair game for a bullet.”

“Of course.”

Shepard bent to scrub down his leg, loving the feel of his body. Garrus rumbled at her touch. “Remember when you beat that asari clone to death on Feros?”

“Yeah. I do. It...was a lot like what happened in Afterlife, I guess. You were harmed, mocked, and I just lost it.”

“Exactly. If I hadn't been in pain and so lost without my translator, I'd have enjoyed watching that a hell of a lot more. So don't worry about what happened. Don't worry about me. You were still you after that, and I'm still me after this.” His hands slowly pushed her against the shower wall where he nuzzled her, his tongue snaking out to taste while he washed her with her own scrubber. “I get what you're saying, and part of it is true. But I'm much better because you're here. You're alive. I might lose my temper more than I used to, and I still know I have to find better ways to deal with shit than I had on Omega. I'll, um...I'll talk to Doc and Chambers, if I need to.”

“Talking to them wouldn't hurt to at least help get the anger out.” Shepard grinned when he hefted her up against the wall, hands firmly holding her hips as her legs wrapped over him. She could feel him there, ready but waiting. “Can't believe that turian cat-called me as an insult. What an idiot.”

“Cat what?”

“Human expression. Means to make noise or whatnot at a female to get their attention. Often comes from unwanted sources or drunken men without manners, though some women might like it in some settings.”

“Oh, I see. I can't stand barefaced jerks like that asshole who think they're better than the rest of us because they reject family and clan social manners. Like, fine, you're born barefaced on a colony, so what. Doesn't entitle you to be a dick the rest of your life to make up for feeling left out.”

“Ooh. You might have scared the literal piss out of him.” Shepard rubbed his face with her fingers, feeling all sorts of love inside of her as she smiled at him. “My badass turian man.”

Garrus laughed and bit on her neck, earning a gasping moan. “Mm. That I am, Shepard. That I am.”

Shepard sighed as he held her up with their combined help and used her soft scrubber to soap her chest, his teeth on her throat. “What you said...I'll never forget that as long as I live.”

“Hm?” he prompted, hand bringing her shower scrubber across her collarbones and over one shoulder.

“That...I'm your woman and no one will ever walk away from talking to me like that,” she said over the water washing the soap from her skin.

Garrus reared back, fire in those sunburst blue eyes as he threw the scrubber to the floor. “And I fucking meant it. Every word. You _are_ my woman, Shepard. My girlfriend, my best friend, my _life_. And I'll make a whole new fucking reality for anyone who gives you shit.”

Shepard grabbed his face and yanked him to her, her kiss demanding until he quickly gave in, shifted her on his hips and slid her down enough to enter her a bit. Garrus used the wall to leverage and slammed himself up into her with a shout, repeating the motion until they were both crying out with each slam. It was a moment of animalistic angst, of soul confirmation in the form of a branding fuck. Shepard came once, hands digging harshly into his neck as she rested her head against the wall. Garrus flicked the water off, not caring she'd forgotten to wash her hair, and carried her and a towel she'd grabbed toward the bed. She dried herself off best she could and as he lay her on her back, still joined intimately, she brushed him dry with it.

“Roll over,” she commanded, excited when he complied, his head propped by the pillow and fringe laying over top of it. Shepard felt his large hands stroke up her hips while his eyes asked questions; in response she gripped his chest and started riding him, making him cry out in pleasant surprise with those talons digging in her skin.

She smirked as she kept up, finding that some things were better felt than said.

  
  
  


 


	47. Tuchanka Bound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

 

  
Garrus didn't talk about the batarian again, but Shepard noticed him going in and out of the medbay to speak with Chakwas, and she sighed to herself in relief over the next several days. She just wanted him to find a balance among it all, and she was honestly worried that keeping him inside such a tight, stressful situation with the ship and mission wasn't doing him any favors, no matter how much he insisted just being at her side did keep him happy.

In between stops to deal with different groups of Eclipse, Blue Suns, and Blood Pack for Cerberus and others as she waited intel on something the Illusive Man was cracking, Mordin came to _her_.

They sat on her couch for a while, just chatting about her past and his own. And he finally mentioned that he wanted her aid for something personal. A past assistant of his was on Tuchanka, it seemed, and Mordin was worried the salarian had been kidnapped for knowledge relating to the genophage.

That, naturally, prompted Shepard to ask him what _he_ knew about the genophage. An hour later, Mordin left her cabin with her sitting in shock, unsure if she wanted to shake him with how different their opinions were on the topic. Mordin at least seemed to appreciate krogan for being krogan, for being their own civilization, but he was still trapped in the cyclical thinking of the genophage and its necessity in the eyes of so many.

And when she got the call from EDI the next night before bed to check on Grunt, Shepard stood by the young krogan's side, head full of Mordin's complex thoughts as she watched Grunt smash his face into the glass window overlooking the cargo bay and turn to stare at her as if he didn't understand _why_.

Mind made up, she ordered Joker to plot the course to Tuchanka for _two_ of her crew, determined to show them both to have faith in the krogan to help them—that krogan could help Mordin find his assistant just as easily as he worried they might not, and that even being tank grown, Grunt could find medical aid for whatever he was going through from his own people. Or so she hoped, silently agreeing with EDI with each day of Grunt's growing agitation that they'd get there soon enough.

She offered Grunt to come to her cabin and try to chill out by watching the fish as they traveled, and Shepard took the rare opportunity of his stillness to sketch him there with those sharp slit pupils focusing on each fish's movement. She kept hearing Garrus say in her head that she was getting too attached, but she didn't care. Not when Grunt obviously trusted _her_ more than anyone else, and not when he calmed the slightest bit for that entire week there with her, sitting where Mordin had sat, neither team member knowing the vulnerability of the other.

 

 

\---------------------

 

 

Shepard stepped from the shuttle into the small area near a krogan colony on Tuchanka. She refused to call it a welcoming area, despite that being its sort-of intention; after all they were surrounded by pissed off, very _not_ welcoming krogan who didn't trust them and hated at least two of them on species alone.

But it had to be done. Grunt needed to be checked for his health hormonal problems that were making him a huge danger, and if they rescued Mordin's assistant, he would be freer mentally. He'd carry less guilt over the kidnapping, and Shepard wouldn't be concerned about the possible means to a genophage cure getting into the hands of some possibly very vengeful krogan bent on controlling that information for their own clan. Shepard wanted a cure, if possible, but she wanted it for all of them and she hoped it could be done right.

The four of them—Shepard, Grunt, Mordin, and Garrus for backup—all exited the shuttle, much to the thundering snarls of the krogan seeing them. Shepard stiffly ignored them until she got blocked by two krogan at the bottom of some stairs.

A huge hand went up in her face.  
  
This caused two things simultaneously: First, Garrus let out a warning growl and took a step nearer. Secondly, Grunt himself stepped to her side, protective. Much as he tried to act like he'd kill her without care, Shepard wasn't dumb.   
  
As endearing as it was, she'd taken down a warlord that had charged her on Therum. “Boys,” she said, and pushed in front. “We're here to find out what's wrong with our team mate here.”

Mordin nodded to her. They'd already decided to hunt for the salarian quietly unless any volunteered information or they found a helpful krogan. Grunt was the key to getting into Tuchanka and staying.

The krogan guard sniffed at Grunt and stepped back, shaking his huge head. “Get him the rite, human, or put this mutt on a leash.”

“So there's something wrong with him?” she asked, a hand immediately on Grunt's huge bicep as the younger krogan growled deeply.

The guard snorted and stepped away. “Go talk to the clan leader, human. But don't fuck around with anything or anyone. Tuchanka bites.”

“Fantastic,” she muttered, but nodded and pushed through the small group of huge krogan, taking a left corridor and a left again.

Garrus came up to her side. “Clan leader? What's going on here? I mean, they have clan leaders, sure, but which clan did we stumble on?”

EDI's voice entered Shepard's comm privately. “The area appears to be under Urdnot Clan control, Commander.”

“You have to be shitting me,” she replied, passing the information to Garrus.

He shrugged. “We would hit a stroke of luck if we could find Wrex here.”

The krogan she passed who were nearest her, not Grunt, were smelling Garrus's scent imprint on her. Huge heads reared up in surprise. Some smirked, others laughed. Still others outright snarled at them. Shepard eyed Garrus to her side and saw him tighten his mandibles in anger and concern. He'd heard it all and probably understood more than she had.

They came into a large area that was divided up, stairs to the right, a path to the immediate left and another next to it that went by what looked like pits and huge trucks. Straight ahead were a few krogan, and one in red armor sitting on what looked like a mock-throne.

She took two steps before another guard came up, hand held out again. But Shepard had stopped paying him any attention. Her jaw wanted to hit the broken concrete beneath her feet.

“Wrex?” she called in complete, happy surprise.

The massive krogan on the throne turned its head instantly, and Urdnot Wrex was _easily_ recognizable with all those scars and the old bullet hole on his crest. His large red eyes widened on her, and he pushed off his seat to stand.   
  
“You will have to wait. The Clan Chief is in...talks,” the guard repeated, hand extended, as a blue crested krogan went on grumbling in front of Wrex, not paying any attention at all.

Wrex sniffed the air, eyed her, and gave her a smirk. Thank God.

“Shepard!” he bellowed out, catching the attention of several krogan in the somewhat cavernous room.

Shepard looked to the shocked guard. “Guess he wants to talk to me.”

“Uh. Yeah. Go on.”

Shepard tried not to run to the big red giant; she was just so damn happy to see him. “Wrex! Damn, look at you! Running a clan?”

“Shepard!” he cackled and burst through the furious blue krogan's attempt to bar him around the throne. Instantly a huge red armored hand grasped her by the forearm and down, and she mimicked the move by setting one of her hands on his arm holding her.

“My friend,” Wrex murmured and nodded, letting her go.

“Wrex! We're not done with negotiations! Get rid of this human.” The blue crested krogan sneered at her, but she wasn't afraid. Nobody was bigger than Wrex, and he _liked_ her.

Wrex immediately turned and, before Shepard could even blink, had slammed his huge head against the other male, knocking him back several steps. The force behind that slam would have popped her head like a watermelon with a sledge hammer. “You will speak when _spoken to_ , Uvenk. Now get out of my face. I will debate on your terms.”

“Fucking aliens,” Uvenk snarled and stomped off, flanked by two other krogan males that were glaring at her. “You won't get away with this.”

“Man, it's good to see you, Wrex,” Shepard said, her voice open and honest. “You gotta show me how to do that shit.”

“Hah, Shepard, you got a hard enough head. You'll be a natural.” Wrex sniffed near her, then shot his red eyes over to Garrus, impressed, but laughing heavily. Shepard fought the blush while her old friend took a moment to recover from the shock. “ _Shit,_ Garrus, I didn't think you had it in you.”

Garrus chuckled as he came closer and shook Wrex's hand. “Well, you know. Time and prodding.”

“Yeah, smells like a lot of prodding.”

“Oh, God, Wrex...why?” Shepard put her palm over her face as he lost it, laughing heavily and almost knocking her over with a comforting shoulder pat.

Wrex glanced to Garrus, an almost “good for you, boy” look of pride on his face. “Still, turian. About fucking time you did something. Thought he was gonna die of celibacy back on the ship.”

Shepard frowned in a thoughtful and doubting way, interested in the conversation. “Say what?”

“Used to give him hell back on the _Normandy_ , Shepard. Your human sense of smell was too weak to pick up his turian pleas of desperation. Pyjack nursed a crush forever. But it's okay. You always smelled strong around him, too. Just knew he needed some good old krogan encouragement to be the male and do something about it.”

“Ugh, God.” Shepard closed her eyes at that point, willing the conversation away.

“Desperation pleas, my ass,” Garrus half-growled, but broke out into a laugh. “And I didn't _know_ I had a crush for a while, anyway. Shepard, he always rubbed me about my scent changing around you. Fucking annoying was what it was.”

Wrex rumbled with laughter and bashed Garrus's shoulder in a painful, friendly move. Thankfully the turian bad boy kept on his feet. “Yeah, Shepard. Annoying? How about burning my nose, turian? Garrus here was just too much of a bird to come clean. But it seems he grew a quad. Seriously, Vakarian, she fuckin' reeks of you.”  
  
"So  _that's_ why. I just thought she was weird," Grunt said beside her. When she stared him down between her red bangs, he shrugged. "What?"

Wrex chortled. "Well, she's that, too."  
  
“Hey, now. Wrex, Garrus is the weird one. He said either we went forward or he wasn't my friend anymore,” Shepard retorted, eyeing Garrus as she said it. He shrugged, still seeming satisfied with that ultimatum. Their krogan friend about died at that, laughing so damn hard he had to punch his chest stop.

“Heh heh, always did like you, turian.” Wrex sighed to himself, shaking his head as he changed the topic. “So, Shepard, I heard you got spaced. Gotta love back up redundant systems.”

Shepard rolled a shoulder. Garrus flinched next to her and stepped closer, needing the proximity to her. “Yeah, about that, Wrex. Humans don't have multiple systems like you do.”

“Oh.” His large red head reared back. “Damn. Must have been painful.”

Garrus looked to their friend sharply. “She died, Wrex. Remember?”

“Died? Spaced, sure. I remember the funeral, but I never fully trusted that. Shepard's too touched by fate to die without a bigger bang than spacing. Thought maybe they'd find her somewhere, surviving on her own until help arrived, like Shepard's capable of. You smell alive to me, Shepard. A bit different, and definitely sporting a new turian scent mark, but alive all the same.”

“I did, though. I was...brought back. Revived. It took two years.” Shepard sighed and crossed her arms. “Cerberus needed someone to figure out what was causing the colony abductions. Turns out it's the Collectors, and I believe they work for the Reapers as front scouts or something like it. It's definitely related somehow.”

“The Collectors? Thought they were just a myth,” Wrex rumbled and shifted his stance, thinking.

“Nah. They're juicy when you smash their huge heads open,” Grunt said, rumbling in a similar tone back.

Wrex tilted his large red head and raised his brows. “Got a pet, Shepard?”  
  
“He...something's wrong with him, Wrex. We need your help.”

Wrex moved between Shepard and Garrus, sniffing at Grunt who stood still, staring the senior krogan down with the arrogance Shepard had come to expect from the tank baby. “You smell like krogan. Why haven't you had the rite? Where's your clan, whelp?”

“I have no clan. I was tank bred by Warlord Okeer, distilled from the lines of Kredoc, Shiagur.... I am pure krogan, and _you_ should be in awe.”

“Okeer is an old name. A hated name.” Wrex sneered, sniffing again and purposefully ignoring the ego of the younger krogan.

Grunt shrugged. “He's dead.”

Not even caught off guard, Wrex snorted. “Of course he is. You're with Shepard.”

“Hey!” she yelled, then smiled. “Ass. What's this rite?”

Wrex shifted, red eyes on her. “Krogan rite of passage. I don't know all the junk behind it, but it's a necessary thing. Those who don't get it are killed or exiled.”

“God. That seems...excessive, don't you think?” Shepard wondered aloud.

Mordin finally spoke up to their right. “Not at all. Seems krogan without rite become dangerous. Hormone overload, as we know. Becomes threat.”

“Brats,” Wrex mumbled, agreeing, “that shouldn't breed.”

Shepard shifted on her feet, unsure of how far her friendship with Wrex was going to get her here. “Look, uh...I kinda need him....”

“Yeah, yeah, Shepard.” Wrex looked back to Grunt, sizing him up again. “If you're a strong as you say, as pure as you say, Clan Urdnot would benefit from you.”

The krogan with the blue crest, Uvenk, reappeared from the entrance, furious. “Absolutely not! He's tank bred! Some unnatural abomination!”

“Hey! He's _my_ tank baby, you dick.” The words were out before she could even stop them, and Shepard sneered at the krogan, pissed off that he'd insult Grunt like that. Grunt could be an asshole, but he was  _not_ what Uvenk called him. “Grunt is _not_ an abomination.”

Uvenk's eyes widened as Grunt's did at her, but Uvenk growled where Grunt seemed mildly shocked.

“Oh, I wouldn't do that,” Garrus very softly warned as one of his hands obviously slid to his gun while he mimicked a shoulder stretch.

Grunt bumped his shoulder into hers, rumbling, telling her to shut up. Garrus's brows rose as he tried to keep the smirk off his face. 

“Eh, it's Shepard. She mommies all of us...just Garrus now in a very gross way," Wrex snickered. Garrus closed his eyes and shook his head while Wrex swung his head around, glaring toward the other krogan, while continuing to speak to Grunt. “You're welcome to undergo the rite of Clan Urdnot, if you can survive it. Thriving, though unlikely, is better.”

“Will this give him clan rights?” Shepard asked, thinking aloud.

Wrex chuckled eyeing her. “Yeah, Shepard. He'd be in Urdnot. Have to earn his place, but he'd have our name.”

Uvenk shouted and flung his hands up in anger before stomping off to some stairs. “I'm bringing this to the Shaman. You go too far, Wrex! Some tank krogan does _not_ belong in a clan!”

“Sniveling whiner,” Shepard grumbled. Wrex only laughed in agreement. She turned to Grunt and found his neat icy krogan eyes intense on her. “Well, Grunt. Up to you.”

“Hm.” Grunt glanced to Wrex who merely shrugged as if he didn't care, which Shepard was sure was probably absolutely true. The offer was made for her behalf...and because Wrex wasn't stupid. A strong krogan was nice to have, but it was a stigmatized situation nonetheless. “Fine. I'll do it.”

Wrex sat back down on his throne, one large hand on a knee. “Good boy. Shaman's upstairs. He'll put you through it.”

Shepard gestured to Mordin. “Hey, Wrex, would you know anything about a salarian on Tuchanka? He'd be here by force with the Blood Pack.”

“Kidnapped. My responsibility. The Weyrloc Clan is trying to modify and cure genophage. Probably with goal to outbreed and kill off Urdnot Clan,” Mordin explained quickly, and Shepard caught the slight jittery sound to his voice.

Wrex raised some brow muscles at that. “Well. That's some shit. Speak with my field scout over by the food storage. He should have some information.”

“Wrex, you're a life saver,” Garrus said, sending him a smile.

“Hah,” Wrex gave a guttural laugh. “I know. You're lost without me.”

Shepard shrugged. “Wouldn't say no if you felt like joining.”

“Wish I could, Shepard,” Wrex replied and settled back into his chair with a very heavy sigh. Shepard softly smiled at the absolute sincerity in his tone.

“Yeah. I'd bet you're pretty tied up here,” Garrus agreed, crossing his arms a little.

Wrex nodded at him. “Yeah. Politics and females and you name it. Right now I've got most of the clans united under Urdnot. They send us ambassadors, we negotiate food and females and protections, they agree with our politics and my decisions on how to get a better future for our people. I'm working on appealing to the Council. We need to work this the right way to actually get anywhere, but keeping a bunch of angry krogan in line is a pain in the ass.”

Shepard smiled slowly. “I'm fucking proud of you, you old mercenary.”

“S'what happens when I hang around you, Shepard. I get responsible. It sucks.”

“That's what I hear. Sorry, I guess.” Shepard sighed. “You delegate access to your females...?”

“They have their own camp and run themselves with a representative. It's their idea, Shepard.”

“Oh. Well good for them, then.” Shepard shifted her weight and reached out her hand to shake his again, always having that thought in back of her head that he might squeeze too hard one day and snap all the bones in her hand and wrist at once. “Thanks for all the help, Wrex. I really appreciate it.”

Her old friend nodded and shook her hand. “Anytime, Shepard. Garrus....”

“Yeah?”

Wrex huffed as he let go of Shepard's tiny hand. “Watch after her.”

“I've handled a lot of shit, remember?” Shepard teased, but smiled at the thought of his concern. “I'm good.”

“Yeah, but it's his duty now, Shepard. And if he fails, I'll kick his ass.” Wrex gave her turian boyfriend a sharp nod.

Shepard stopped the words she'd prepared when Garrus merely returned the nod, no questions or problems with the threat. Not quite sure what to think of that exchange, she said her temporary farewells. “C'mon, guys. Let's get out of his hair. Grunt, I gotta get you upstairs. Garrus, you wanna take Mordin over to the scout or wait?”  
  
“I'll be fine, Shepard. Check for the stupid salarian first.” Grunt shrugged and eyed Mordin.

“All right, we'll do that, then. Grunt, hang around. But first...ooh, a shop. Let me see if we can use anything for getting Maelin back.” Shepard took off to the first left path that had greeted her upon entry and slammed the metaphorical breaks on her jog. There, at her feet, was a huge varren: a large male, yellow with bluish purple waves and red dark hues down his spines and high on his sides. Some large spots near the back of his head. Humongous reflective eyes. She recognized the creature from Feros and the poison place where the Blood Pack had set up. But this varren was...different. He panted and eyed her, quivering excitedly. “No. Way.”

Garrus caught up to her and groaned. “Shepard, is that what I think it is?”

“Garrus! He's so _cute_!” She bent to her knees and rubbed the varren's very sharp muzzle, avoiding the long teeth and spikes. “Who's a good boy? Huh? Who's a good boy?”

Mordin snickered behind her. “Varren seems taken with you, Shepard.”

Indeed, the creature was rolling over, letting her scratch its yellow belly while it panted before it righted. “Sit,” she ordered.

It did.

“Holy fuck, you're trained. Ohh what a good boy!”

Shepard damn near squealed as the merchant strode over, amused. He had a black crest on his head and a good deep laugh. “Seems Urz has found someone else to follow and bug.”

“Urz? Is that your name, you handsome boy?” Shepard cooed as the varren wriggled excitedly and grumbled. She noticed Garrus twitching behind her. “Oh, come on. He's fucking adorable.”

“He's a winner, too. Handler got killed.”

“Handler?”

The merchant nodded and pointed toward the pit across the room. “Varren fighting.”

“That's...wow. Uh.” Shepard paused, clearly uncomfortable with the idea of fighting animals. “I don't...uh-uh.”

Garrus rolled his shoulders. “Popular sport with krogans, and it's illegal as hell in Citadel space. Varren racing, where half the time they still kill each other, is legal, but they've been modifying it for the animals' sakes.”

“Them big mean krogan don't love you right,” she cooed again and rubbed Urz's face. “I'd take you out hunting.”

Grunt laughed his low paced signature one. “Heh, heh, heh. Train him to hunt Collectors.”

“Not a bad idea, Grunt. Hm. Do you hate bugs, too, boy?”

“All my ideas are good ideas, Shepard,” Grunt replied. “When are you gonna get that?”

Garrus rubbed his face with a hand. “Shepard, we can't have this thing on the ship.”

“I know! Doesn't mean I can't fantasize a little or maybe have him visit once,” she replied and stuck her tongue out at him, earning a confused but intrigued look from Garrus.

Urz rubbed into her hands, then sniffed and came to Garrus. The varren rubbed against his legs like a cat, rumbling happily. “See, Garrus, he liked your smell on me, too!”

“Damn it,” Garrus grumbled but reached down and scratched the Varren's head. “Good boy.”

“That's the way you do it.” Shepard grinned and rose to her feet. “Sir, can you show me your stock? After that, I need to know where your head scout is.”

The merchant, who identified himself as Racht, jerked his head across from them toward a lone krogan near some monitors. She nodded, remembering the krogan's face, before turning to mess with Racht's console, Urz the varren sitting on his haunches by her feet the entire time.

  
  
  
  


 


	48. Breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world

 

 

Shepard's boots walked her right to Life Support.

Her spirit was burning, her mind so full and tired.

It wasn't the argument with Mordin over dead, desperate krogan females on Tuchanka that had nearly broken her for a day. It wasn't the happiness and pride in Grunt's eyes as they'd killed a thresher maw with him in his Rite that kept her going alone. And it wasn't the hand on Jacob's back after finding his father alive in charge of a _royally_ fucked up survival situation, nor that fucking awful disaster of a party that almost got she and Kasumi _killed_ that had her entirely full. Not even nearly shooting Zaeed in the head for his fucking _stunt_ on that little favor of his that almost ruptured her authority and ties with the merc over the lives of innocents in a factory had her ready to fucking burst.

It was that shimmering, smoky, hidden investor of hers.

Each time she spoke with the Illusive Man, she got this _feeling_. Distrust.

Ever since the attack on the Collector Ship mission she'd taken Thane, Jack, and Garrus on with her, Shepard had questioned every message the Illusive Asshole had sent her, every tip and even every encouragement.

His latest conference call indicated their next step to taking the fight to the Collectors themselves, possibly, and it involved retrieving a device called an IFF, something the Illusive Man felt was _extremely significant_ to their cause and something he had an entire team already dedicated to deciphering. The problem was the team had gone quiet, and they had been _working_ inside of a _derelict Reaper_ the entire time.

Distrust. Suspicion.

Feeling like a lab rat half the time with her death was hard enough, but feeling on edge as if other actions of his were just as experimental had her deeply concerned. She said nothing of it to upset the rest, save whispering to Garrus her thoughts. Miranda, friends or not, would likely still be too defensive of it if she'd gone for advice there.

So Shepard walked to the one person on the ship she hadn't really _intended_ to avoid. It was more like she didn't quite know how to approach him.

The assassin was so mythical, both visually and as a person, and the in-depth talks they _had_ had already about his health and some of his culture had only furthered her interest about his species, too. She'd marked out a sketch of him in her collection, but for some reason she felt wrong about finishing his yet.

He felt so far, no matter how oddly pulled she felt him to be.

Those strange dark eyes blinked both ways as she entered and stood by the door. She exhaled once and lowered her guard, watching his surprise at the visibility of it soften his brows' often severe hold.

“I want your help, Thane. I can't...I can't meditate the way Samara does, but I have to do something. I'm about to snap,” she admitted, feeling that heaviness in her head from the messages and the thankless errands, the nightmares and all the blood on her hands already that had nothing to _do_ with Collectors.

Thane immediately stood with a soft bow of his head, gesturing for her to lead.

Shepard knew Garrus was occupied with EDI on something with an upgrade on the guns, so she took advantage of the lull time and brought Thane up to her cabin where she felt most safe and comfortable with the fish tank bubbling softly to let her try and center.

The handsome drell smiled a little when she bent to her knees before the tank and looked up awkwardly at him. “I read being on your knees makes you keep posture and a focus to tune out stimuli.”

“It can. Or it can be as distracting, depending on the individual, Commander,” Thane murmured and bent to his knees as well before settling into a seated position. “Be comfortable, but not comfortable enough to sleep.”

“All right,” Shepard agreed and adjusted her stance to a similar pose of Samara's without the ageless feeling of serenity the asari made look so easy.

“Before we begin...may I ask why you came to me?” he softly questioned, glancing to her a few feet away.

Shepard smiled a little. It was an answer she'd thought about for a while now, quietly to herself despite Samara's kind attempts of sitting with her.

“You have a stillness that isn't...safe,” Shepard began, steadying herself. She closed her green eyes, swallowing, and added, “It reminds me of the moment I died, of that _quiet_. And I know as strange as this sounds...that was the only moment of my life where I felt like I _could_ meditate.”

Thane stared her down so intensely that she felt her brow twitch, though she refused to scratch at it and break the moment. But then he simply nodded and looked down at his hands palm up above his knees.

He rumbled a little, a noise different from Garrus's sounds and deeper, and whispered, “You continue to defy any expectation I begin to surmise about you, Shepard. I can appreciate the depth of thought those words took.”

“Thanks for that...and coming up here. I know it's probably strange.”

“No, not at all.”

Thane straightened his posture, watching her do the same as she mimicked every slight adjustment he made. He chuckled lowly. “Do what is natural for _you_ , Shepard.”

“Nothing is, trust me. Natural for me would be my ass on that couch.”

The handsome smile dazzled her, if only a second, and she appreciated his beauty in an almost spectating way, in a manner she would if she were passing a painting in a museum.

Water lighting from the tank reflected off of his shining scaled head, and Thane bowed it again, politely. “Very well. First thing—posture. Second, decide a mantra if you intend to use one. Third, breath.”

Shepard floundered a bit, nervous. “Mantra. Um. Not sure.”

“What is it you wish to accomplish with this? Peace, or specifically confronting something?”

“I'm overwhelmed by so much that I honestly don't know what to say first, but....” Shepard looked to the fish swimming, the fish she and Garrus had drunkenly bought and still soberly adored, and she thought about how damn lucky she was just to see them swim at all. And she made her decision, then and there. “I need to confront the spacing.”

Gracefully Thane tilted his face. “Close your eyes.”

Shepard obeyed, instantly stuck in the dark as he briefly got up and adjusted the lighting. She almost panicked a little at that alone, but then she felt the heat of him nearby, closer than before, and she heard him speak.

“See the universe for what it is, Commander—vastness, emptiness, a blank canvas upon which meaning is a different color for each viewer. Inhale as you see the darkness change to colors you know, and exhale as they grow richer, more detailed.”

The darkness began to change as she breathed with his suggestion, mind softening as her inner thoughts took to the ride she gave them, the almost flight they took along black and speckle, along reds and oranges and plumes of vibrant clusters she'd seen with her own eyes.

“This space is what you know. It is a part of you since childhood, your _life_ outside every window. The ground is not your territory, Shepard, but the sky.”

The melodic tones soothed her more, and she began to watch stars burst and shoot, comets move, asteroid belts rotate. Her breathing stayed level, and the little part of her awareness that was still feeling very unsure and awkward began to grow calmer.

“Remember this power in you, this connection. We all cross the sea, as my people say, but you have crossed the skies. You know you belong, and you know the small shift from being among us to being among the atoms.

“Now, breathe and slowly begin to focus in. Travel to the place you know, the one you remember, the one you cannot forget.

“Remember that there is no sound to hear. Remember that space has no hate. Remember that the pain is not really happening right now. And breathe in again, exhaling as you get _closer_.”

Shepard's meditating mind traveled at a gentler FTL until she saw the _SR1_ , until she saw that snowy planet in the background. Until she saw the Collector Ship she has since _been aboard_ making its way.

“There were explosions. There were broken pieces and broken fears all around you. But even in that dissolution of safety and ship, there is beauty floating there in the space. There is elegance in the loss somehow. And you see this with your power over it. You see this both removed and yet aware.  
  
“Find yourself, Shepard. Feel where you are. Feel the _stillness_ you've described, and with this power in you, with this knowledge that you are part of the space and that it isn't stealing you but welcoming you, I ask you to find peace.

“Accept the fear. Accept the loss of control against the chaotic beauty. Accept the change. Let yourself _float_ and let go now. Keep breathing, steady. You're doing well, Shepard. In...and out. In...and out.”

Shepard felt the suit around her, felt the weightlessness, felt the fears of losing everyone, and heard the silence. The little hiss inside her suit seemed to echo loudly, and her pulse that had lulled peacefully began to jump wildly, the fear refusing her power and trying to control her instead.

She shook without knowing it, terrified as she tried to fight it alone in that stifling stillness, feeling her limbs kicking out all over again.

And then she felt warmth on her hand and heard the soft, seductive voice whisper in her ear, “Breathe. Breathe, Shepard. In....out. _You_ are in control. It is _your choice_ to accept the space and what comes next. That choice, that acceptance, cannot be taken from you without your permission, so do not give it. You will endure it, become one with the space again, and then you will _return_. Remember that you _return_.”

Tears streamed down her cheeks, but Shepard let go.

Her flailing limbs in the vision settled into peaceful fall. Her mind softened the way it had right at the very end. And she cried there in the cabin, unaware of the hand holding hers safely, of the dark eyes watching her with so much empathy.

“Now, Shepard, breathe. In....out. And slowly, at your pace, come back. See the vastness again, see all of the space you can. Feel _as one_ with it, feel that power. Know that you have _nothing_ to fear in death, for it is part of us all as is the space. And breathe.... And breathe.”

Shepard slowly zoomed out in her mind's eye, the tears still flowing a bit as she exhaled and calmed, as she saw all those vibrant colors and formations in the specks with the black. Until she felt _safe_. Accepted, no matter the loss.

And suddenly Caios's face opaquely trailed through the stars alongside her father's, and they both smiled at her, nodding proudly, startling her enough to jolt her heart rate again and get a tightening of a hand on hers.

Before she could speak, before she could question what she'd just seen, she breathed in and out to Thane saying, “Return, Shepard. Make the choice to return for yourself this time. Find your acceptance as part of the universe, and now return to us. Feel that power come _with you_. And keep it inside. Always.”

Shepard exhaled and opened her eyes.

Her face was wet. Her cheeks were flushed. And she turned to see Thane so close to her, hand holding hers securely to root her. Shepard stared into the eyes of the professional killer, of the only person she knew could _understand_ death, and she somehow felt more kindness than she could have ever expected. More acceptance and appreciation that she'd imagined had been there.

“Thank you,” Shepard whispered, tears still burning her eyes.

Thane nodded and gently squeezed her hand once as he didn't blink. “You are welcome, _Siha_. Any time.”

She'd heard him use that word before in their private discussions of culture exchange. And she knew the level of emotional respect it afforded, no matter how new their acquaintanceship still was.

Shepard blew out her breath and leaned forward, just needing to hug him. Thane chuckled quietly, but accepted it, letting her hand go to pat her shoulder once as she breathed out against him and withdrew back into her personal space.

Green eyes stayed moist as she looked to the fish tank silently, so deeply impacted that she couldn't speak. And Thane Krios sat there by her side in that silence for almost another half an hour until she looked to him and smiled, getting a soft smile in return.  
  
  
  
  


 


	49. Bare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BIG chapter.
> 
> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

  
  
  
  
After an exhausting mental day of crunching numbers and fruitlessly arguing with an AI over algorithms, Garrus took a shower, ate dinner, and went up to her cabin. Shepard had been rather quiet all afternoon, at least no pings or anything, and he had to admit to himself that even not needing the distraction of it, well...he still liked when she sent him random little things anyway.

Garrus entered the unlocked door and found Shepard working on her sketch pad. He paused a second when he caught the drell's face shading itself into life there on the paper, but then he saw the look on his girlfriend's face and relaxed.

She was so engrossed on the scale detail that it was almost adorable.

“I'll come back later,” he murmured, catching her attention quietly.

Shepard looked over her shoulder, shook her head and gestured for him to join her. He did so, hoping he wasn't throwing her off an artistic mood as he sat by her side.

Garrus sniffed slightly and frowned. He could almost _smell_ the drell, and he doubted that was a talent of her pencil work.

“He helped me,” Shepard said, gesturing with the sketch pad. “He helped me finally find a way to confront the spacing, Garrus, when I asked him to help me meditate. I didn't think anyone else would understand what I meant about it all.”

He waited patiently, watching her set the pad away on the table with her pencils before she curled into his side. “If it helped you, I'm glad. I know that no matter _what_ we're doing that it's in the back of your head. In _mine_.”

She must have caught him sniff again, because she leaned up and tapped his nose. “Thanks. I got a bit emotional from it and gave him a hug, if that's why you're sniffing me. He might be a very interesting person, but he is _not_ the one I saw before I died. No one else can be _you_ , Garrus.”

Garrus's blue eyes stared into her, still wowed by the fact that she'd seen _him_ then over even her own mother or anyone else, and Shepard leaned up, pressing her soft lips over his mouth.

Soft subharmonics teased the air as he gave into the kiss, letting her hold his face and angle him differently. It was as if his chest was swelling, filling to the brim with the warm love she inspired, and they held one another for awhile, kissing just like that until he finally pulled back enough to nuzzle her cheek.

“So...how are you feeling now about it?”

“Better, Garrus. Like...like I can look at it and let some things go, even be stronger for it,” she murmured below him, red hair brushing his chin as she rested her face against his throat. “He talked me through a meditation. It was intense, but liberating.”

“I've never done anything like that. Think I should?”

“Honestly, hon, it might do you a world of good.”

“Hm.” Garrus left a soft little pressure of a kiss to her hair. “I'm glad he could help. Samara not get you there with her advice? I know you'd been visiting her more lately, too.”

“I don't know how to explain the difference. Samara, in some ways, has a righteousness with the Code, and Thane...just communes with death differently. He doesn't see it the way her Code does. He sees it, I think, in a way I have with the silence. That make any sense? Like it isn't about what is or isn't honorable. It's about more than that—the universal picture.”

Garrus nodded a little. “Eh, I get where you're going with it.”

He rose enough to pull her to the bed, falling down to lie together there. Shepard stroked down his mandible, his cheek, and over his mouth with a more confident smile than he'd seen on her face in a while. A stronger one.

“I may not know death the way he does, or the way you have, but I know life, A. I know what it's like with you in it, and I know what it's like with you out of it. And I know which one I want,” he whispered, blue eyes catching all the emotion bare there for him in her gaze close to his face. “I'm glad someone could help in a way I can't. Just promise me you still think I'm sexier.”

Shepard broke out laughing and pulled Garrus over her body, fingers roaming his back and stroking upward. “Always, Garrus. I promise. Know something?”

“What's that?” he asked and licked up her throat, biting a little along under her ear.

“Mm,” she moaned beneath him. “I remembered something weird after the meditation. Something I thought was maybe a coma dream, but maybe not. I have no idea. I just remember Caios...and Dad.”

“Maybe they're looking out for you.”

“I hope so. I need everything I can get with this. Garrus, the Illusive Man wants us to pick up this piece of technology that he thinks will help us. I talked to him today.”

“You trust him?”

Shepard paused and looked up at Garrus, and her eyes moistened despite that new strength still there. “I needed Thane's help to confront my death because what the Illusive Man told me...well, it's...relevant to that topic, too.”

Garrus brushed her soft red hair from her face and pressed his brow to hers. “Tell me, babe.”

“I haven't told the crew yet, but EDI confirmed sometime after our stint on that Collector ship that the Collectors use a tool called a Reaper IFF to get through the relay. And the Illusive Man has apparently _found one_. So even if we _can_ get it, it means...things are really coming together. We really _are_ going through the Omega-4 Relay, Garrus.”

He'd been on Omega for a while. He _knew_ the stories.

Garrus swallowed roughly, understanding the implications. He felt even _more_ grateful to the assassin for aiding Shepard without even knowing _this_ knowledge was haunting her, too.

“Garrus...even if it works, I don't know what might happen. I have to tell them, and I have to make sure they understand. That if anyone _else_ needs to clear their conscience, now is the time to get it done,” Shepard sighed, dropping her head back upon her pillow tiredly. “It always felt so far away, didn't it? Even knowing we might die fighting them with their ship and all, _this_ is now _really_ a _suicide run_. I know they have an idea of that already, but it's so... _real_ now.”

“Babe, look at me,” he softly spoke, holding the side of her face with one hand. The blue eyes were fierce. And the love inside of him was solidifying ever more. “You'll find the words to say. They'll follow you. And so will I. Forever, Shepard. And if anything goes crazy, you _won't be alone_.”

Shepard closed her eyes when he kissed her, her arms around his neck holding tightly and making him feel worthy of her need. “I'm terrified, Garrus, but I feel...more control over it. I just didn't want to blurt out what I'd been told yet before I could center enough. I'm not going for the IFF until we're more prepared anyway, but I know the information is heavy.”

“No judgment here.”

“Thanks, big guy,” she sighed, snuggling against him before falling asleep.

 

 

 

\--------------------

 

 

 

Two days later Shepard convened a meeting of all her squad.

Garrus listened as she told them in plain, direct statements what the Illusive Man had told her. She relayed her concerns with the IFF being aboard an actual Reaper, and she emphasized how important it was that they mentally prepare against _that_ as well as what reminding them of what the Omega-4 itself would mean.

There were mostly nods. Silence of acceptance. And the occasional salarian muttering of thought.

Before the end of the night, EDI asked to speak with her. Shepard listened to the AI explain that they'd located the planet her body had fallen to, the planet the first _Normandy_ had crashed into, and that Admiral Hackett had contacted asking if she could find tags before any major mission undertaking.

Even more grateful for Thane's help, Shepard accepted and plotted the course to Alchera. Garrus debated over the next days of travel if it really _would_ help her or not to go planet side, and he brought it up once they were in orbit after docking briefly with an Alliance ship to get a monument from them.

“You're sure you want to do this?” he asked worriedly as his blue eyes focused on her in the cabin. Garrus watched Shepard don her armor, snapping it on with heavy purpose in her movements—purpose that was draining her even now. He sighed, admitting quietly, “Shepard, I'm worried about what this might do to you.”

She rose back up after snapping on her leg pieces and glancing down her chest, nodding in nervous satisfaction. Green eyes caught his. “Yeah. I need to.”

“Babe.”

“I'll...be fine. Just wanna be sure my crew gets their rest. See if I can find any dogtags down there. If I'm extremely lucky, my sketch pads are still in the safe in the captain's quarters if that part didn't get blown to hell, too,” Shepard replied softly in the quiet room, the fish tank bubbling being the only other noise. “Need my...my own clean conscience, I guess.”

Garrus exhaled, knowing now there was no way to talk her out of it. “Can't change your mind, huh.”

“Nope. I...need to confront this.” Shepard shook off her jitters, rose on her toes and kissed him briefly. She grabbed her helmet off her nearby desk and went around him for the door, shoulders very straight and tight. Garrus frowned and caught her arm, making her turn back confusedly. “Garrus?”

“Wait for me down there. I'm coming with you.”

“Garrus, you don't need to. No life signs down there. I'll be safe.”

He shook his head, focused. “I want to, Shepard. It's...something I need to confront, too. With you there.”

At that harsh admission, Shepard seemed to soften visibly and nodded in understanding. “Okay. We're taking a shuttle down, but I need to...talk to Joker first. Meet me by the cockpit?”

“I will. You leave without me, he'll drop me off. So don't try it.”

“Wasn't planning to, honey.”

Garrus rode the elevator down, watching her step out on the second floor for the CIC while he continued on and strode to the battery. Now he found himself putting on his armor the same way she had—that heaviness, the purpose, the mental preparation. Garrus just hoped they'd be able to handle the wreckage without freaking out too bad emotionally, and there was no way in human Hell he was gonna let her go face it alone.

He finished dressing, holstered his assault rifle anyway, and took the elevator back up. As he closed in near the cockpit, he saw Shepard speaking softly to Joker, who was bent over in his chair, side-view, head in his hands. Garrus felt terrible for pushing the pilot's guilt when he first got on board because like the time he'd asked for Joker's “help” with the research, he was now seeing how badly the entire thing really had affected Joker.

“You sure you don't want to go down? Look for anything you might have secured enough? I can hope to check a locker if that section wasn't destroyed entirely,” Shepard offered her friend, eyes resting on the saddened man as she held her helmet in one hand still. “It's okay, Jeff.”

Joker wiped his face and sat back, rubbing over his eyes and adjusting his hat as he sniffed. “None of this should be happening.”

“I know.”

“You shouldn't be going down there to look at this. I know why you are. I respect it, Shepard. You just shouldn't have...been given that option to begin with, you know?”

“Not your fault, Joker.” Shepard bent and hugged the pilot, her cheek to his almost like a turian mandible rub. Garrus felt comforted by that. “I'll be fine.”

“But.”

“I'm going with her, Joker. She won't be alone,” Garrus said, announcing his presence. Both humans looked up—Shepard with love in her eyes, Joker with guilt and relief.

The pilot gave him a curt nod. “Thanks, Garrus. Sorry.”

“It's fine. We might...be a while. She wants to hunt for tags, and it might take a few trips in and out of the shuttle to warm up since it's gonna be rather cold down there. Hopefully armor upgrades will keep us toasty, as you say,” Garrus replied, walked over and clasped Joker's shoulder. “I'll keep an eye on her.”

“And I will be fine, boys.”

“We know, Boss. Just wanna help.”

Shepard smiled and kissed Joker's cheek quickly and loudly, making it sweetly comical and causing Garrus to smile. “I know.”

“Stop it, _Mom_ ,” Joker countered, trying to get his ego back after feeling so vulnerable. Garrus couldn't blame him; he felt rather off-set by the entire situation, too.

“Pfff.” Shepard snorted, grinned and drug Joker's hat down his face.

Garrus barked out a laugh as Joker yelled under the hat and tried to get it off where it had hooked onto his nose. “Just don't drop this ship on us.”

“Can do, you awesome jerk,” Joker teased Shepard as he righted his hat. “Be careful down there. No freezing to death. I'll kick your asses.”

“Worth breaking a leg?” Garrus asked, chuckling.

“Both.”

“Damn, he means it,” Shepard winked. “All right, big guy. Let's go.”

Joker huffed. “He ain't that big.”

Garrus raised his brow plates. “How do you know she's talking about my _height_ , Joker?”

Shepard instantly blushed and coughed out a laugh while Joker turned red, muttered something Garrus couldn't make out, and turned his chair around. “So he's tall, hah hah. My legs weren't so fucked, I'd be taller. Meh.”

“You know, Garrus, that's...a fair joke,” Shepard grinned again, love tapped Joker's head, and moved away. “Don't make fun of my big guy. He earns that nickname in _lots_ of ways.”

“Oh holy God, Shepard!” Joker stuck his hands over his ears and started horribly signing some human tune. Something about beer bottles and lots of them on a wall.

Garrus let loose a loud, enjoyable laugh as he followed her back to the elevator and down to the shuttle in cargo. “Thanks for that.”

“Hey, I tell no lies.”

“Mm. I know.” Garrus smiled reassuringly at her before he donned his helmet, her following his action in the shuttle.

A few minutes later it settled down near the crash site on the cold, snowy surface of Alchera. Garrus keenly watched Shepard's bodily movements as she stiffly rose and moved for the door. “Keep running. Might need a break and the heat. Stay warm, Cross,” she called to the shuttle pilot who called back an affirmative.

The door opened and the highly reflective snowy surface almost blinded Garrus despite it being almost like night time. He held up an arm for a second until he adjusted.

“You sure you can handle this cold, honey? I know you hate cold. You grumbled at me on Noveria.”

Garrus turned to her as they stepped out, and he heard and felt the thick frozen snow crunch under his weight. “I'll be fine. This is too important, babe.”

“Okay. Incoming comms are mostly muted unless we reach out for help. Figured we'd need some...space to do this.”

They walked around for a good ten minutes, staying warm by moving and letting their armor buff the wind that was occasionally blowing at them. Garrus held up a small scanning device Mordin had lent them to help pick up tags if they could find them. They'd be lucky if most of it was surface level and not snowed over deep.

“I think I'll put that monument here,” Shepard said as she stopped and eyed a large open space not far from the shuttle's spot. “Yeah. It'll be a good one. Remind me before we leave so we can hover it out.”

“Okay, babe.”

A minute later his scanner lit up. They followed the trail a short ways and found something small. It was completely unidentifiable by visuals, but Shepard dug around. She sighed, whispered a soft apology and took the tag, putting it in a bag she'd brought for their collection if possible. Garrus rubbed her back the best he could between their armor.

And so it continued for a while. Every fifteen minutes or so, they'd check their temperature readouts to be sure if they needed a break to heat up or drink fluids, then go on their way. Garrus's scanner picked up several other tags, and he was worried they wouldn't be able to cover enough of the area to find them all. Shepard was bound and determined to do so anyway, showing it as she stooped, picked up each tag set they found, and briefly apologized to it. At least, though, by getting the tags Shepard could let the families find some peace—let herself find some peace, too, Garrus hoped.

They passed by the Mako, which had landed and frozen into a big hunk of icy rock. Garrus smiled looking at it, thinking back to Feros when she'd ridden on his lap some. All the good memories of being inside there. “Damn. Look at that.”

“I wonder if it's still drive-worthy.”

“Looks pretty stuck either way, babe.”

“Yeah.” Shepard shook her head and tapped the bottom of it, one of the back tires that she could reach. “My baby. I think you loved it more than I did, though.”

“It grew on me,” he said and briefly settled a hand on her waist. “Just like you did.”

“Cute, Garrus.”

“Oh, I know.”

Shepard snorted in her mic and moved onward. They found a few more tags close together near a broken piece of the ship. “Look! Cockpit!”

They walked over to it, a bit in shock that the front part of the ship had stayed intact. Even Joker's chair was still there, and the walk way up to it and the old airlock. Garrus followed Shepard inside, watching her even more carefully as she took it all in. She pointed gently near the right wall. “That's...what I had to press to release the pod with him in it. The Collector's gun hit the ship as I did it, and it sent me flying the other way. The entire part of the neck and CIC was torn open above me so...so when it...happened...I bounced and went out into...space.”

“Babe,” Garrus whispered and moved to wrap his arms around her from behind. He could just see what she was describing, imagine Joker in his pod getting shot from the ship, watching it and screaming. It was a wonder the pilot was still sane, like both of them, too. “I'm so sorry.”

“Not your fault, Garrus.”

He growled, let her go and punched a piece of wall that was left. “No! I should have been here. I never should have left your fucking six. If I'd been here I...maybe I could have....” Garrus leaned against the piece of wall he'd hit for support as his knees went weak and a soft keen entered their comms. “I'm so sorry you were alone, Shepard. I'm sorry.”

Shepard turned from her spot and moved to him, arms wrapping around his neck near his helmet. “Shh. It's all right. We could have done a thousand things different. Wouldn't have stopped the attack. People were still going to die. We don't know what other actions could have changed, but...Garrus, I've never blamed you. I was _glad_ that you weren't here. I didn't want to be floating, wondering if you'd gotten out safely or fought your way past it to help. With you being on the Citadel—I knew you were safe. I could let go easier knowing you were safe and not dying here.”

Garrus keened again and bowed his head, blue eyes finding hers through their helmet visors. “When you left I got this...bad feeling. I should have listened to it.”

“It's okay, hon.” Shepard sighed and squeezed him. “Wish I could touch you easier right now, but I promise I'm okay. Don't let this rule you. I can't let it rule me, so neither can you.”

“Trying,” he coughed out, but nodded. He needed to be strong for her. Garrus squeezed her into his chest. “It's all just...surreal.”

“I know.” Shepard let go of him and went back near Joker's chair, glancing around for anything the pilot may have had that survived. To Garrus's surprise, she let out a happy sigh. She popped open a hidden small shelf to the left of the seat under the control panels. Then she started laughing hysterically.

“What?” Garrus asked, smiling.

Shepard stood up as she reached in the compartment and turned, grinning through her helmet. In her hand were two Fornax issues. “Can you _believe_ this shit?”

“Porn survived the crash. Of course it did.” Garrus bent over laughing, unable to handle the juxtaposition. “Wow.”

“Oh, hey, and so did his favorite card pack. Gonna give him these.”

“Good. I wanna be there to see his face when you hand over the mags, though.”

Shepard chortled in the comm, but nodded in reply. They scanned over some other parts of the wreckage, found one other tag, and walked off. After checking temperature again, they decided to go back to the shuttle and drop off Joker's things. When they finished Garrus took her the opposite direction than they'd been going, hoping to circle back around to cover anything possibly missed. Four more tags found along the way. An old beat up datapad with some bits of Pressly's words barely preserved, talking about how he'd come from being racist and worried about the alien crew to heavily appreciating them. Other parts of the ship were still semi-whole, like the galaxy map ramp in the CIC.

What tripped them up a bit was when she found her helmet. Shepard dropped to her knees to pick it up, seeing how cracked and burned it was. Garrus saw her shudder fiercely, and he caught her, holding on until she finally calmed. Gently he took the helmet from her hand and held it away from her, his free hand sliding into her empty one. Shepard looked up, eyes a bit wet through her visor, and thanked him. Garrus felt the flashback of her doing so after he helped her with the one maw nest way back. With sweet reassurance, he let her steer him onward, his hand still holding the helmet.

One particular piece of the ship caught her eye, though, and her voice raised as she called out, “Oh my God, Garrus. Was this part of the mess? Holy shit!”

Garrus blinked as he took in the very small area. Instantly his brain visualized Kaidan standing near his old post. His jaw dropped a little as they walked into the broken area, both of them gaping at how fast memories barreled into them: card playing during downtime in the mess, Kaidan checking updates at his post, Chakwas leaving the medbay to check on Joker. Garrus blinked as all kinds of emotions hit him simultaneously during the memories, ranging from grief over Kaidan's loss, to amusement, to.... He looked up and saw Shepard moving through some of the broken, dangerous parts. The area had been snapped off a bit before the sleeper pods, so it was just the mess, entry way to the medbay, and lockers.

Shepard examined the lockers, busting her old one open and pulling out her old sniper rifle with a snicker. “Found you, buddy. Shame I upgraded now.”

“Take him. We'll make a display for it.”

“Oh, I am.” Shepard glanced around to their left. His eyes caught what she was looking for—the door to her old captain quarters. It was still there, possibly sealed forever. He heard her swallow as she approached it. “G-Garrus?”

“Hang on,” he said and moved around debris and broken metal to her side. Quickly Garrus handed her the scanner and helmet while he examined the door. The back of the piece of the ship was semi-embedded into ice, so they couldn't just go around, and the door looked sealed pretty tight. Except there at the top was a spot where the ship had crunched some, dislodging the auto-sliding door in the track. Garrus frowned, tapped around some of the door and debated how to get it open. Shrugging at her, he bent his head away and rammed his shoulder into it. The metal groaned heavily, and when he pulled back there was a fair dent into the door.

“Wait. Try this.”

He turned and noticed her pointing at one of the beams that had broken off the ship's structure. Garrus hummed, but picked it up, grunting a little at the weight. Shepard sat her items down and lifted the other end behind him, helping ease the weight of it. Together they slammed the beam into the door several times, each smacking of it creating a groan and a crunch. Finally Garrus felt the beam move through the barrier that had been blocking it, and he paused, hefting it to keep hold. The door had broken through the side of the central door parting. “Drop it,” Garrus told her, sighing a bit in relief as the heavy metal clunked to the floor nearby.

Shepard came to his side, eyeing the door way's hole. “Think I can fit through that?”

“It's jagged, Shepard, I don't want you cut up. Hang on.” Garrus moved an armored glove onto one of the big fractures and pushed hard, shifting to his foot instead as the metal gave way and ripped downward a small amount. “About as far as I can get it, babe. The cold's made this a pain.”

“Can you see if any of the room is still there?” she called behind him.

Garrus looked away from where he was shoving more of the metal to create a bigger gap, eyes sliding through the hole. He could see things flung everywhere, pieces of broken ceiling hanging. But the bed was still mounted, at least the frame was; the mattress was half broken and ripped partially over it. “Some of it,” he answered.

The gap was just big enough for her to duck some and get through, so he backed away and watched her enter. Garrus finagled it a little longer until he could fit, then followed, twisting awkwardly to get inside. Shepard was near her old desk, shifting on the floor away from the broken pieces. It looked to Garrus like some of the Collectors' ship guns had pierced a bit above it, likely hitting the desk in the process.

Shepard suddenly broke out into a half-sob. Garrus whirled and moved toward where she was hunched over. “What...what is it, Shepard?” he asked, concerned.

“My safe...it's gone. It must have been blown out. God-fucking- _d_ _amn_ it,” she growled and kicked the remaining pieces of the desk before falling to the floor and sitting a moment.

Garrus glanced around the room, saddened for her. It was then something caught his eye. “Hey, what's stuck under the bed frame? See that?”

Shepard's head came up, and she squinted in the semi-dark toward where he was pointing. She broke out into a light laugh. “Garrus, honey, you're amazing.”

“Hm?”

“It's my safe! Holy shit! It just got stuck under the frame during the attack when it was jostled.” Shepard eagerly walked over and slid her arms around the safe, grunting as she tried to wedge it back out from under the metal frame. Garrus saw her struggle and walked to the other side, bent down, and swept his leg under the bed, pushing against the safe some with his foot. The metal creaked and grumbled a bit until she yelled, “I think I've got it! Help me jerk it here.”

A few minutes of sweat and hard work got the safe slid back out from under the frame. By that point they were both breathing heavily and collapsed to the floor. Garrus briefly checked their temperatures, a bit nervous at what he got on the reading, but figured their mini-cardio workout was gonna be bringing the temps up pretty quick.

“I'm fine,” Shepard assured him and began unlocking the small safe. “Can take this entire thing back with us, but I wanna make sure things inside are still okay.”

Garrus tilted his head in interest. “What's in it?”

“Sketch pads, letters. Notes. Pictures.”

“Ah, personal stash.”

“Yep.” Shepard cried out victoriously. “Holy crap, Garrus, look!”

Garrus smiled over her head as she yanked out a sketch pad, flipped through it past some of their friends' faces, and stopped at Caios's portrait. Shepard gulped in some air over the comm in relief while Garrus let an arm fall around her side. “Looks okay, babe.”

“I'm so...so glad.” A second later she flipped to the sketch she'd done of him on the Ilos run. “Look! Remember?”

“Yeah. Still uncanny.” Garrus shook his head, still very much impressed with her skill. “Babe, I vote you quit and become an artist. Much safer line of work outside of Illium.”

“Hah, Garrus. Maybe someday.”

“Why not, though? You'd be great at it. We could travel still. Have apartments on different planets.”

Shepard hummed in response. “That...could be cool. If Reapers weren't still a threat, you know.”

“Ugh!” Garrus growled out and hit the floor with his free hand. “Fucking Reapers ruin everything. It's just this sadistic waiting game for them to show.”

“Relax, look at this. It's an old photo I kept of my family.”

Garrus swallowed back the frustration and looked over her shoulder, brow plates rising. There were three humans in the picture: a tall red-fringed male, a blonde-fringed female, and a smaller red-fringed Shepard, all smiling at the camera mid-laugh. Holding Shepard's hand was a tall turian, very pale plating and very dark red markings on most of his face. Garrus lit up as he realized the turian was smirking at Shepard, but still holding onto her hand securely.

“Wow,” he whispered. “I mean, I never doubted you, but this is...something else to see.”

“Yeah. I miss him, damn it. All of them. I'll let Mom know I found this. She'll be relieved.”

Garrus eyed the safe. “I think we should just take it all by hand. That bastard's heavy to carry back.”

“But it _survived_. It's a survivor,” she argued with a shrug. “And it was mine.”

“All right, babe. Spirits, it'll take two trips to get the stuff back easily.”

Shepard smirked at him through her helmet. “Hey, stud, we have the hover lift, remember? For the monument? We can use that.”

Garrus grunted, a bit embarrassed he hadn't thought of it. “Oh.” Shepard put all of the items back into the safe, pausing for a second on a piece of paper. Garrus frowned as she sniffed over the comm. “Babe? What's wrong?”

“Ah, sorry, some of them are letters I kept from Dad and Caios. This one, though...I wrote. I wrote it to you one night when I couldn't sleep and I was trying to figure out how I was going to tell you my feelings,” Shepard explained, blinking rapidly behind her visor. “Forgot how hard it was to do.”

Garrus opened his hand. “May I?”

“I...guess. I mean, I did sort of write it for you, not just to get my thoughts collected, so.” With care Shepard handed him the paper. Of course it hit him then that he couldn't read the language, and he raised up his arm for his omni-tool translator to screen over the writing if it could. “Let me,” she said, taking it back from him. “Guess we should teach each other some written language, huh.”

“Sounds fun.”

“Okay. Here goes,” Shepard sighed, looked to him once, then leaned into his shoulder as she read, “'Garrus, there isn't a cycle that goes by where you're not in my head. I worry about you, I wonder what you're doing—if you're struggling more with C-Sec again than you're saying or with your Dad trying to see if you can slide in for Spectre training. It kills me that no one else sees so much of what I do in you, this amazing strength and resolve. Great capability if given the chance.

"I know we're going to talk soon as I get back, and I've been really debating what to say. I mean, it should be simple, right? I like you. A lot. More than a lot. You're sexy and funny and my best friend that I totally want to do things to. You were there for me before we even met, just trying to help, and that has spoken volumes. I have every reason in the galaxy to want a relationship with you—a real one where we go on dates, sleep over, have amazing sex and snuggle after. I'm not afraid of our differences. I never have been. I hope you won't be, too.

"I wish I could tell you how relieved I was that you didn't choose that turian female over me, that you fought to keep me there. It was because of that night I knew you felt something back. I finally had a sign I knew I couldn't misconstrue. And it was so hard not to just...throw myself at you after drinking then, too. Maybe I should have. The look on your face might have been worth any awkwardness.

"I can't wait to see you, can't wait to hug you and kiss you and feel your strength around me again. It's such a noticeable lack of you here, and it's killing me not to see your handsome mug everywhere, that visor blinking at me. But I'll see you soon, and we'll talk, and hopefully I'll have a turian boyfriend by the end of it. Holy shit, what a dream come true. Sounds stupid, probably, but it is. Miss you, G.'” Shepard chuckled under her breath. “That's still true, you know.”

Garrus, who had been silent the whole time as she read, just felt so much love well up inside him that he couldn't handle sitting still anymore. Their eyes met through their helmets as he took the paper from her and dropped it back in the safe. Shepard raised one of her brows, but took his hand as he pulled them both to their feet. Garrus looked around as he held her hands in his, then back to her. “I wish this wasn't broken and we were back on it together with our friends. Spectre to Spectre, partnering in all kinds of ways.”

“Would have been cool, huh.”

“You changed my life by taking me on this ship, talking to me in this very room.” Garrus felt his hormones rising and tried to swallow. “I knew before the Ilos run that I had feelings for you, so...when you drew me it was...special. I didn't want to disrespect my friend by wanting more.”

Shepard squeezed his hands in hers, a smile in her eyes. “You should have said something. I could have sketched you naked ages ago.”

“Heh, maybe,” he teased and walked her back against the nearby wall. “Would you have been with me then, if I'd been ready and asked? Would we have just fucked our brains out to Ilos, Shepard?”

“Y-Yes,” she stuttered out, eyes wide.

Garrus could hear her heart rate escalating, but he knew it was from arousal. “Yeah?” he asked again, loving her expression.

“Yeah,” she confirmed, a bit breathy.

Their eyes locked, the cold nothing compared to the tension between them in that moment. Garrus hotly debated what to do, if what he wanted was morally fucked or a great way to get past shit. He gripped her tightly as he thought, eyes still locked on hers, and Shepard let one of her armored legs wrap around over his calf, pulling him closer. Having already come part way out of the slit, he now slid further, groaning and licking his teeth briefly. “Shepard?” he finally said hoarsely.

“Yeah?” she asked, shaky, as they kept eyeing one another.

“How...how long...um...could we live with brief...selective...exposure in this cold?” he asked with a tight swallow above her.

Shepard's eyes lit up excitedly. “Not sure, Garrus. Have...an idea?”

“Uh huh.”

“Then whatever you gotta do, do it fast,” she excitedly said and wriggled a little in his hold.

Garrus immediately let go of her, still leaning close, and brought his hands around front to his groin armor cover clasps. The moment he started unsnapping them, Shepard groaned and slid her hands down to her own armor there. Garrus worked feverishly to get it done, already feeling the cold hit the undersuit. Temperature wasn't instant freezing by any means; they'd be safe for a few minutes. But it was still very cold.

He watched as Shepard unsnapped the area between her legs and unzipped her suit there, green eyes popping up to look at him. Quickly Garrus hefted her over what was left of the bed, her legs over his hips. With mild caution and demanding hormones, he unzipped the same spot on his suit and leaned down tighter. Shepard grunted from the armor pressuring her, but Garrus felt her reach between them and shift her underwear to the side so he could slide into her, which he immediately did a little. She moaned loudly in his comm, and he moved his hands under her shoulders and yanked while he shoved with his hips; the movement instantly sheathed him deep inside of her.

“ _Fuck_! That's it!” Garrus almost shouted at how warm she felt, how fucking good it always was. Always novel no matter how many times they'd started doing this together. “Ahh!”

Shepard whimpered a little beneath him as he slammed into her several times in quick succession while he worried about the armor and the cold affecting them. “Garrus! God, Garrus! Don't stop, honey, don't stop!”

“I-I won't! Spirits, baby, you feel so _good_!”

“Yes!” Shepard called out and clung tighter to him, their armor scratching together. Neither seemed to care if they bruised the hell out of themselves for this moment. The smacking of the armor they wore echoed in the tight space.

Garrus bucked his hips, unable to stop thrusting as his climax quickly approached. “Oh...oh, Spirits! Yes!”

“That's it! Come,” she begged as he thrust harder.

Garrus paused, his breathing so heavy he almost saw dots for a second. Quickly he rolled over to his back and helped her straddle him with the awkward armor. “Fuck me, Shepard. Do it. Do it like you would have then. Show me.”

His blue eyes found hers in her helmet; they were wide but completely turned on. Shepard immediately leaned forward, grabbed the front of his carapace armor, and started riding him harshly. Garrus cried out, helmet dropping back as he watched her move above him, his breath gasping in the comm. Moments later he felt her seize up around him as she moaned his name in orgasm. Garrus didn't hold back and followed her seconds later, groaning low for several moments as he felt himself come. Both of them shook with the intensity of the sex as their eyes met once more.  
  
And somehow there, surrounded by her and memories and ruins of death, Garrus felt the courage to say directly how she made him feel.

“I...I love you, Shepard,” Garrus quietly said as he took in deep breaths, terrified she might leap away and leave him in the cold.  
  
Her green human eyes dilated behind her helmet, and he heard her intake of air over their channel. For a few eerily silent moments of wind and groaning metal, Garrus's heart sped up so fast he worried it might burst. 

"Please don't...don't run from that," he added, shaking somewhat. "I just...I want to be honest. I don't want to risk losing it again."

At first Shepard looked mildly sad at that statement, even though she understood. And then she smiled at him, hands moving over his armor to cradle his helmet while she stared deeply into his eyes without reserve. Without fear of being too much or not enough or ruining anything between them.

Garrus choked a little when he heard her whisper softly, "I love you, too, Garrus. I do, big guy. You're my everything, like I've told you. I don't know what our future holds, and I can't make promises about it with us on this mission, but I know how I feel about you, okay? I won't run from _that_ , I promise. I know we're stronger now, and I'm just as afraid of losing you."

They stared at one another for a few more seconds while he smiled at her, relieved and feeling almost perfect right then. Because although he was still snug and warm inside of her, with the intensity gone the cold air combined with the emotional weight began to quickly zap what was left of his turian stamina.

“Help me,” she softly said as she tried to get off of him.

Garrus sat up and, with a quick breath to prepare, pulled her off of him. Cold air instantly hit him where he was most sensitive, and he called out sharply before turning his back to the hole in the door and quickly zipping his suit; thankfully one good thing the cold had done was make him retract back into the slit so he wouldn't have to use his cold metal gloves to tuck himself back in the armor. Garrus looked for her as he finished snapping on his groin piece again and found her doing something similar, muttering that she'd have to change as soon as possible and hoping Mordin wouldn't ask her more questions if he got wind of it.

They smiled at one another before he extended a hand. Shepard took it, eyes warm on him, and they exited the captain's quarters to grab the hover lift to get the safe. In the end they'd found all twenty missing crew member tags. Once they were sure they'd thoroughly checked everything and had all they needed, monument securely placed on its designated spot, the shuttle flew back to the cargo hold.

Garrus had spent several long minutes warming up as he walked through the new ship, happy to be back on board despite that surreal moment they'd shared. He got a quick ping that simply said “mags,” and he ran for the elevator and cockpit, losing all control of himself as he saw Shepard proudly present the Fornax issues and playing cards to a shell-shocked Joker with a huge smile on her face.

“I think you forgot these,” she said.

Garrus laughed until it hurt because Joker was literally speechless for a full minute, just staring at the mags in his face before the pilot jerked them from her, cheeks very red, and threw them in a similar compartment near his current seat.

“Thanks! Wondered where those went,” Joker teased back, having caught his tempo again. He caught Garrus sighing ridiculously behind him. “Oh, I wouldn't laugh so damn hard if I were you, _big guy_.”

“Oh?” Garrus forced himself to swallow the next chuckle. “Why?”

Joker looked at him a second, then to Shepard, a devilish smirk on the pilot's face. It absolutely unnerved Garrus. Not good. “You owe EDI a favor, Shepard. Apparently your mics weren't completely closed-circuited for your comms, at least not for me and EDI, and she managed to switch it before I got to experience a little somethin'-somethin' down there. _Damn,_ guys.”

Shepard's eyes went humongous as she blushed and viewed Garrus. Garrus coughed down his embarrassment and tried shrugging it off. “No regrets.”

“You're either brave or stupid in that weather. Both, I guess.”

“Heat of the moment, you cripple,” Shepard retorted smiling.

Joker waved her off, waiting until she'd left to clean up before he glanced back to Garrus. “Figured out how to make it work after all, huh, Garrus.”

“Fuck yeah. Totally worth that, uh, awkward research stuff.”

“Good for you, buddy. Good for you.”  
  
  
  
  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [So, just a thought.  
> This game is honestly rather big. I did my best to include side quests and random side shit in the first Volume (and couldn't include all of it, either), but this one is honestly too big to cover that way without having a gigantic word count and feeling like everything was superbly dragged out. Doesn't mean there aren't things I wanted to write about, entire scenes I cut for length/immersion issues, or things I might go back and write and put it all in a collection of one-shots for some of the other side missions. It's that I had to prioritize what was important to central plot, emotional theme and arc, and Shakarian itself for this while still trying to reference and include what all is going on. The same, in some ways, is true of Vol. 3, too. The events involving his family in Vol. 2 are very significant to a plot tie-in I made with Arrival and Shepard legally in Vol. 3, and that is one reason they're included over other missions.  
> It's a heavy load to try to navigate with twelve team members, quests, and with me adding things with Garrus's family, parts of Shadowbroker and Arrival in with the main plot, it's already _a lot_ just for you all to read.  
>  So if there's a scene you wanted to see based on a side quest, comment about it. It might end up in a collection or a request.  
> Thanks for the understanding. It's been a long ride over the years getting this done.]


	50. Treason in the Fleet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

 

 

“Now shift your arm, but don't twist. You don't want to fuck up your shoulder in the punch block, Shepard,” Garrus explained as he first exhibited the movement, then watched Shepard repeat it in front of him in the large cargo bay. Thane sat nearby in a meditative seated position, but his eyes were warmly watching them.

Shepard focused, recalling her mentality way back in learning combatives, and executed the turian movement. She grinned, and Garrus trilled with a quick nod. It was neat to be learning some of the turians' fighting styles.

“Excellent. Okay, move your right foot back a little. When I come at you, block me. Watch your wrist.”

“Got it.”

Garrus backed up a little and suddenly sprung, the movement itself almost throwing off her concentration by its burst of quickness. Shepard blocked him at the last second, her arms coming up to defend her and forearms colliding to refuse his punches access.

Her boyfriend stopped with a smile. “Good. If I weren't so afraid of throwing you with any pain, I'd teach you some of those.”

“Teach me,” she countered, excited and thinking of all her physical improvements since Miranda's hands got to her. “I can handle it. More than most humans now anyway.”

“That time I knocked you off your feet you barely caught your breath...but....” Garrus smirked, tone admittedly going a little sultry despite Thane's presence. “All right. Don't complain when you're _sore_ later.”

“Maybe _you'll_ be _sore_.” Shepard cackled loudly as Thane snorted in the quiet cavernous like room of the ship. “Damn it, Thane, you know what I meant.”

“Do I? Hm.”

He certainly did. Garrus had long since warned Shepard that any alien on the ship with a decent nose was likely to _know_ about them.

Her turian boyfriend simply grinned and bent. “You wanna be sore? I'll make you sore, woman.”

“Commander, I must speak with you,” EDI suddenly chimed in above them, her voice echoing loudly.

Garrus paused and glanced up automatically like half of them did when speaking to the disembodied voice of the AI. Shepard sighed but relaxed her stance. “Sure, EDI. Pop over to my comm.”

“Understood.”

Shepard waved off Garrus's shrug and walked away, leaving him to chat with Thane. EDI's voice quickly switched to her ear, private. “Commander, there is an urgent matter requiring your attention. I am uncertain of the details and will not hack to find out as it is a private one, but I...something has upset Tali'Zorah very much. She is near the core, and she is exhibiting significant signs of stress.”

“On my way now. Thank you, EDI.” Shepard heard the AI click off, happy to note once again the concern and reliability in EDI. It confirmed her trust every time.

Shepard took the elevator up a floor and strode into engineering. Gabby and Ken were at lunch, that she knew by schedule, so it would be easier to talk to Tali. Quietly she paused near the core's entrance. Little soft sobs were coming from up ahead.

She fought the sadness in her gut and embraced the determination inside as she strode on in. Tali was leaned over the console, her helmet in her hands, and appeared much smaller than usual. Shepard came close, then stopped. “Tali? What's wrong?”

“Sh-Sh-Shepard,” Tali finally said and turned, small fingers coming together in worry. “I, um. I've received...bad...news, and I...don't know what....”

Shepard calmly rested her palm on Tali's arm. “What's wrong, sweetie? Talk to me. I'll fix it.”

Tali half-laughed and half-cried at that. “I-I know. I was going to come to y-you later.”

“So I saved you a trip. Chat me up.”

“Shepard, I have been...I can't even say this.” Tali bent her head low. “I have been accused of treason by my people.”

Shepard's head reared up in shock. “ _What_? That is _bullshit._ ”

“I know!” Tali shook. “They're saying I brought back live geth to the floatilla. Something's happened, I know something else has happened and I'm getting the blame, but they won't explain further than that. And I...I have a trial. If I lose I am exiled from...from my people.”

Red brows dropped down in fury. “Not if I have anything to do with it. EDI, where the fuck are we?”

“I've already scanned communications. The Quarian Fleet is one cluster over currently. We're still scanning for minerals at the moment. Shall I make contact?” EDI asked, tone strong and protective.

Tali raised her head at hearing it in surprise. “I...oh.”

“Let Tali do it. We don't want to do anything to jeopardize her chances. But keep watch. I want movement tracking.”

“On it, Shepard.”

“Shepard, I don't....”

She pulled Tali into a hug. “Contact them. Tell them I'm making time from our schedule to meet for your trial.”

“Thank you so much,” Tali whispered. She shuddered a little in relief. “Shepard my...ship captain is supposed to help represent me. But the captain of the last ship I was on is going to have to abstain for obvious reasons now.”

“I'll do it. I'm your captain now. I'm your friend. And I won debate classes back at Academy. This is nothing.” Shepard winked as she pulled back. “Don't worry, Tali. I've got your back.”

Tali laughed a little then. “Thanks. I have confidence in you. Usually these things aren't so bad. They're more like long debates than actual judicial seeming processes. Quarians are very social, so you can imagine what it's like. But the nature of this...it worries me.”

“I know. But you'd never do anything to intentionally endanger your people. I'm not an idiot.”

“You're right. It's ridiculous. That's why I think something else is going on.”

Shepard narrowed her eyes and nodded. “Then we are gonna find out what, Tali, and we're going to end it.”

 

\---------------

 

Two days later the _Normandy_ caught up to the Migrant Fleet. Tali had over that time further explained the judicial process and what they could expect to happen. She reminded Shepard of the five admirals being judges, usually one as an overseer of the trial. This meant Tali's father would have to excuse himself from the trial for bias reasons. So she'd have three admirals to convince her innocence.

Docking was a pain in the ass, since the Fleet at first didn't trust her ship with its Cerberus colors. Not that she blamed them—it was just one more frustration to deal with on the list. Once inside the atmosphere of the place was about how Shepard expected it to be, honestly. Lots of quarians arguing, only bits of it crossing to her through their mics and her own after her decontamination let her walk through the ship where the trial was to be held.

They caught up with Veetor, and Shepard was astonished at how much _better_ he sounded. The young male quarian even bounced a bit on his feet while he thanked her for her help and answered any questions the best he could about the situation. And Kal Reegar was no different, polite as ever toward Tali without fail despite the charges being brought to lay at her feet.

Shepard had winked at Garrus behind Tali as the both of them watched the sweet exchange with Tali's drilling concern over Reegar's injuries.

Tali introduced Shepard and Garrus to the Admirals, and she quickly grew more concerned that Tali was very right: Something _else_ was going on with the trial itself. Between Xen's desire to utilize geth to destroy themselves in her removed, scientific throught, Han'Gerrel's considering of Tali to be innocent despite his mutterings of wanting to reclaim Rannoch in what he thought was a continued waste of time, and Koris's opposite, distrustful view of not only Tali and her father, but also Han'Gerrel's push for the reclamation, Shepard felt _embroiled_ in politics both above her head and far beyond her fucking paygrade.

She just wanted to help Tali.

It was another Admiral, Raan, a female quarian friend of Tali's parents that cleared up _some_ things—Tali's new name being one of them. Tali'Zorah vas _Normandy_.

The shock in Tali's voice had immediately gotten Shepard to be defensive, and she eagerly accepted standing entirely for Tali in the trial not only as a friend but as the Captain of her new named ship.

The trial itself was brutally cut short by horrific revelation that had Shepard quickly calling for a recess. The entire reason of the accusations against Tali bordered on geth parts going active upon another ship in the Fleet, likely killing all aboard as communication had been cut.

And Tali's father had been aboard, thus missing for the trial.

Furious, Shepard escorted Tali to a small escort ship, and Garrus glared at people whispering darkly around them as they pushed through the crowds.

“Tali, we'll find him,” Shepard swore. It was all she _could_ swear to do for him.

“Thank you, Shepard. I just don't understand. Nothing I sent back was sentient unless purposefully reactivated, I even gave up great finds in case of spontaneous self-repair risks, and I....” The quarian grew silent suddenly and stopped speaking altogether once they arrived on the _Alarei_ and were immediately targeted by geth troopers.

Tali's drone stunned a few of them for Shepard and Garrus to tag team with Overloads and tech work, reserving only a few bullets to finish off each geth with a blinding of those flashlight heads. Shepard led the way, suspicious enough to cloak and dart into the hall for a moment, making sure they were clear.

“Shepard, over here,” Tali motioned and turned back to a monitor she'd found and begun accessing. “I've found something.”

Garrus adjusted to view the doorway, gun still ready, so that Shepard could move by Tali and watch over her friend's shoulder while a holo played of a quarian researcher from the _Alarei_.

“They took down firewalls? Father ordered safety bypasses?” Tali shook her head and left the monitor, staring at Shepard behind her purple helmet. “Shepard, I do not like this.”

“Me either,” Shepard agreed and moved forward back out into the hall.

They walked as a group into a medbay. Tali immediately kept going on, walking by herself until she stopped near a dismantled repair drone sitting on a bed by itself. Shepard waited nearby, concerned behind her helmet's visor, while Garrus once again kept watch for them.

“Shepard, _this_ is the type of things I sent that Father asked for. I sent this piece. It had to be functional or operable, but _not active_. I wasn't sure exactly _what_ he was researching, but I knew he'd never endanger anyone in the Fleet. I trusted him. But, _Keelah_ , something _clearly_ went wrong.”

“I believe you, Tali,” Shepard assured her, voice steady when her friend looked up in uncertainty. “You believed me. I believe you.”

Tali nodded and came around the bed's side, patting Shepard's arm before going back into the hallway.

Two halls later they found another monitor used by the same quarian researcher, and the female's voice was growing more frightened with each word as she explained her fear that geth had taken control of their computers—had slipped into their networks and wrested them from the quarians' control, effectively endangering not only everyone aboard the _Alarei_ but also everyone in the _Fleet_ if it weren't contained. And the geth bodies left about under research were now _activating_.

Unfortunately, not far from _that_ monitor was another...and it detailed the death of the researcher, her pleas and fears and hopes in her last moments barely heard over geth echoes and gunfire.

Shepard kept a firm hand on Tali's shoulder, squeezing once as they maneuvered again. Instincts kicked in, a chill went down her spine, and Shepard shoved Tali back into Garrus for a hot instant while she fired directly in front of her before a ramp downstairs.

The shot connected with a cloaked figure that became visible, and the geth hunter screeched before firing back, its ammunition thankfully not breaking her shields in such open shot.

Her foot came up quickly, and Shepard kicked at its chest; the geth went off balance backward and rolled down the ramp into more troopers. Garrus and Tali moved down near the slight barrier afforded by the holds along the ramp near them, and Shepard took the other side, open to the bastards firing at her across the same level from another side door.

“Garrus!” she called, but Tali was first, the drone out downstairs distracting four geth while she worked out her anger through her tech capabilities on the trooper firing Shepard's way.

Garrus knocked another hunter back a bit on the ramp with a heavy concussive round from his gun. “Babe, you good?”

“Yeah! Damn,” Shepard growled and switched to her disrupting electrical ammunition, eating quickly through the shields of the geth gathering to come up the ramp.

Electrical shock had two geth stuttering down below as Tali ducked back into her cover, crying out when the rocket whizzed past where her head had been visible to the rocket trooper below. Shepard activated her cloak, pulled out her Widow Garrus had worked on for her, and took aim. The rocket trooper went down hard from the shot blowing its head apart, and her follow up after a popped heat sink took out another hunter moving forward.

“Garrus, see anything?” she asked over their comms, breathing heavily as she sat back down a moment and switched to her pistol once more.

Garrus leaned over, swept with his gun aimed, and shook his head. “Nope. No readings, either.”

“Good. C'mon, let's get down through there. We've got to be getting closer to the problem source.”

“I agree, Shepard,” Tali sighed and walked down the ramp, Shepard and Garrus following with an exchanged concerned look.

They found a wall console minutes later, and Shepard put her helmet to her palm upon hearing Tali's own father admit to reactivating and studying the geth, to directing his subordinates on what to do.

Tali stood very still, shoulders slumped a little before shaking her helmet. “He didn't want me to know.”

“Doesn't seem that way,” Shepard said softly, stepping near Tali's left side. “Tali, I don't think he meant to put you in this situation at all...hadn't meant for you to feel guilt on any possible consequences.”

“Even so, Shepard, look what's happened! People have _died_. He refused to alert anyone else. We have to wipe out any geth we find and scrub the systems,” Tali snapped, frustrated and exhausted. “I know they were just trying to find new ways to deal with the geth resistances, but....”

Shepard noticed Garrus glance to her, and she could almost _feel_ EDI holding her non-existent breath when Shepard asked, “You think testing any weapons on geth like this is right? Imagine if it weren't a geth but a member of another race. Maybe there's more going on here than just...just learning how to handle geth constantly upgrading themselves. Maybe the Admirals' talk of war is on to something serious.”

“Shepard, it isn't the same! I sent father _parts_ , not prisoners. No matter how they may have reassembled them, there would have been no sapient life to complicate that,” Tali grumbled and spread her small, three-fingered hands open. “You remember Saren. You know we need an edge.”

“So you had no idea about the tests he was running specifically?”

“No. I thought at most he was working on ways to bypass geth shields or armor.” Tali shook her head and glanced back to the console, searching a moment longer. “I don't know. If they...if they activated the geth deliberately like it seems, then...Shepard, I can't even put into words how dangerous that was. Look at what we've already seen. If...if _this_ was Father trying to honor his promise of giving me my homeworld.... He promised me, Shepard. He promised to build me a house on the homeworld. Did he think _this_ would bring us home?”

Tali's voice was cracking in both withheld anger and fear. Shepard's green eyes darted once to Garrus's hidden blues nearby and steadied as a result of his encouragement. She shifted and held onto Tali's shoulder again, hoping it helped ground the quarian, too. “I can't imagine losing my homeworld in any sense like your people have. I don't know if _doing this_ , if treating the geth this way, is the right path to go about getting it back. But Tali, I know it's...I know despite what it looks like is going on here...he must have done what he did out of love for you.”

“You _have_ a planet to go home to! We can't even really colonize elsewhere—it's 600 years difference in progress. My _home_ now is one hull breech from death, the only home I've known. And you can feel the wind on your face. _You_ don't have to worry about dying from a single _kiss_ from Garrus, Shepard!”

Shepard exhaled over her mic a little loudly.

Garrus shifted his weight and rested his hand briefly against her hip. “Tali, she's not telling you that it's wrong to want to retake Rannoch. I know we're all on edge here with this situation, but remember we're here to help _you_.”

Tali exhaled as well, her white glowing eyes somehow coming across with a bit of sympathetic shame to Shepard then. “I...yeah. Let's just keep going. I need to find Father.”

Shepard leaned her head back, cracked her neck, and didn't say another word; she squeezed the turian fingers that briefly found hers, and they continued on. One last monitor found of the same quarian researcher must have been logged well before. It detailed bits of the research with the activations as the quarians had watched the geth respond to their manipulations. And Rael'Zorah had considered such progress as the method to a weapon to taking Rannoch back.

It wasn't that Shepard necessarily disagreed with the end goal. It was that knowing EDI had made her ask a lot of questions as she'd reflected over memories of geth with Saren and the few they'd run into with the run now. They clearly had intelligence, even if it wasn't like EDI's. And it made her wonder just where the line was drawn between one of those thoughtless mechs shooting at her often with mercs and a being, mechanical or not, that had _consciousness_.

The group rounded a corner and found a quarian body, and Shepard somehow knew even before Tali gasped and ran for the corpse, falling to her knees.

“Shit,” she whispered, sensing Garrus at her side as she came a bit closer, yet still gave Tali some space.

“Father? Father, wake up! I know you always had a plan—masked life signs, onboard medical stasis, _something_ , Father,” Tali whimpered, hands reaching over Rael's body. “You wouldn't...you wouldn't _leave me_ like this, leave me to clean it all up, leave me _alone_. You _promised_.”

Shepard reached her palm down, and with a soothing, soft tone she reserved for the most vulnerable moments, she said, “Hey...come here.”

Tali reached instinctively, and Shepard pulled her up into her arms, holding her quarian friend, the one who had first believed in her after death and the one she would trust until she died again.

“I'm so sorry, Tali. Anything you need, we'll do,” Shepard whispered to her, arms tight about Tali as Tali's own grip tightened more, too. “I'm here. Garrus is here. And it might be forward to say, but you will still have a family of sorts after this in us as long as you want it. You won't be _alone_. But you can certainly grieve.”

“Shepard,” Tali cried quietly and rested their helmets together. “Thank you. Just...thank you.”

“She's right, Tali. Can always talk to us,” Garrus spoke up and patted Tali's shoulder as well.

“Thanks, Garrus,” Tali sighed, finally letting go of Shepard some, her breath still catching over the mic. “Damn it. I'm sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Shepard replied.

She watched Tali bend back down and sync with her father's omni-tool, digging for any information. A message Rael recorded in his final moments appeared, and Shepard bent as well, holding Tali's free hand as it played, as Rael'Zorah's voice came over a small holo-vid: If they were listening, he was dead and the geth had gone active. He urged them to get upstairs to the main hub and destroy it to stop the geth from forming new neural links and taking control. He wanted his data forwarded to Xen and Han'Gerrel. It wasn't hard to understand why after speaking with those two admirals over politics just before this.

“He cared, Tali. He _was_ trying to keep that promise,” Shepard said, concerned as Tali stood back up with her. “It might not have been what you wanted from him, but....”

Tali nodded. “Not sure what's worse, Shepard—thinking he didn't care, or that he did, and he could only show it like this.”

“Some people don't know how to say how they feel.”

“True. Let's destroy this hub. We have to finish this.”

Sensors indicated movement upstairs as the door opened into the hub area, and Shepard's eyes rounded. “Fuck! Big boy. You two stay to the left. I'll keep him distracted with the cloak!”

The geth prime grunted at her in its strange sounds and fired two shots that she ducked, hissing air between her clenched teeth as Tali's drone zapped it with a stun that lasted all of two precious seconds, but it was all she needed. Her cloak activated, she rolled past, and she attacked it with as much tech as possible, aiming repeatedly to break off the head with her shots.

Garrus and Tali divided up the attention on the other side of the small room. Garrus slammed the end of his gun into a hunter, knocking it back before he followed the move up with the leg combative he'd used on Shepard, taking the geth to the ground. Shepard got to watch quickly as he brought all his weight down sharply on the machine's throat, fired into the head of it, and brought his arm up to block the swing of a trooper next to him that Tali was trying to hack last second.

The prime swung around and nearly slammed her into the wall behind her with its powerful arm; thankfully she ducked, rolled again, and kept whittling what she could between cloak charges. Shepard wasn't a fan of tight spaces like this one—a ship she could understand, but fighting in what was practically a square cookie tin was ridiculous.

Garrus and Tali freed themselves of the last two troopers and divided the prime's attention between the three of them. When Shepard and Garrus managed to break its shields low enough for Tali to hack the big bastard and keep it from committing commands, Shepard and Garrus rushed it, took it off its big feet with the momentum, and together blew the head apart.

All of them breathed heavily as it cried out and went silent. Shepard took a brief second to gather herself, hands on her knees with her gun still clasped in one of them, and Tali walked past toward the back wall where the hub itself was.

“I hate bugs—rachni and Collectors and all their _ugh_ movements and noises, but sometimes the sounds geth make also just....”

Garrus snickered and helped her upright, an arm about her shoulders reassuring her. “I get you, babe.”

She smiled up at him behind her helmet and crossed to the wall as well, leaning into him as Tali messed with controls.

“Father, what was going on?” Tali sighed and toyed with the settings until another holo came up.

Shepard watched Tali watching the video of her father directing the rest in the project—watched Rael also refuse to involve Tali any more than she already unknowingly was to spare her, refuse to take the matter with their breakthroughs to the Admiralty board because he felt so _close_ to being able to one day fulfill that promise to her.

And as Shepard stood there, still watching Tali take it all in, she could also see Tali war with herself on what to do now. The trial was still hanging in the balance. Tali's life with the Fleet and her own people was, and this could exonerate her...at the cost of forever shaming her father's name.

“Tali,” Shepard began, trying to tread carefully with so many emotional bombs dropped on the poor quarian today.

“Shepard, we can't turn this over,” Tali immediately answered the unspoken question and confirmed just what Shepard thought might happen. “It's his fault. I tried to pretend it wasn't, but if this is shown to the Conclave....”

Garrus coughed lowly. “I'll give you two a minute,” he mumbled, and stepped toward the door over the prime's corpse.

Shepard blinked at Tali's posture. It was straight, yet bowing just enough, because Tali could _tell_ so much was resting on this single moment—their friendship, her citizenship and life, her father's legacy, and Shepard's own name and worth for vouching for it.

“Tali, without this you may be exiled. Is _that_ worth covering all this up? You don't think they won't find out somehow later, regardless?”

“You think I don't know that, Shepard? That I _want_ to live never able to see the Fleet again? I cannot say at my own trial that my father was the _worst_ war criminal in our history by doing these tests here. No matter how wrong it was, his goal...he also _tried_. I don't want him hated for it, _especially_ when we heard what some of the other Admirals were talking like.”

“I know.” Shepard bit her lip. “If you wipe this, we kill the hub and scrub this and they find it later, I can't do anything if they try to come at you again. So are you _sure_ withholding it is what you want?”

“Yes. No. Yes. I...Shepard, just...please.... I can't let what good he did be destroyed, can't let him be turned into some monster of our people.”

Shepard thought of Thane, took a breath, and centered until she was ready. She opened her eyes, caught the nervous fear there in Tali's gaze, and just nodded. “Do what you must.”

“Shepard....”

“You're my friend. I will defend you. Kill the hub, at the least.”

Tali choked, but turned away and worked for a few minutes. When she was satisfied, when she felt the rest of the Fleet was safe from the massacre on the _Alarei_ , they rejoined their shuttle and reentered the trial only to find it had already resumed to sentencing because they'd imagined Shepard, Tali, and Garrus already _dead_.

“Excuse me,” Shepard drawled as she stepped down the stairs into the shouting quarians. “I ain't dead _yet_. Neither is Tali. We're back.”

The crowd alternated in gasps and whispering while the Admirals seized them up, took in Tali's aggressive, yet saddened stance beside her while Garrus waited up above.

“Did you find evidence of what happened, Commander? Can you clear Tali's name?” Raan asked, sounding sad as well.

Shepard looked once to Tali. Saw the pain in the eyes she'd never seen without that purple helmet, took in the pleading there.

“First off, Admirals,” Shepard began with a slight pace and felt her old debate school days settle around her, “I'm honored to be here representing Tali'Zorah _vas Normandy_. Know why? Because Tali is a _hero_. She's a hero among your people, the _single quarian_ to have been on my personal crew to take down Saren and geth and fight at the Citadel. She brought back information for her Pilgrimmage to aid you. She has _only ever_ done anything to _help_ the quarian people. This trial in and of itself is slanderous, and anyone with a brain can _tell_ it's clearly convenient when something else, something much bigger and more important is being debated behind its facade.

“As such, I do not _need_ evidence to prove she isn't a traitor. She only continued to aid her people as she always had been—scientifically, for study, for helping you help arm yourselves with knowledge against the geth. The _Alarei_ is not connected to such action so much as it is the clearly bitter divide in your _own_ people as to whether or not to take the fight to Rannoch—to reclaim your homeworld from the geth, quite _possibly_ at any cost for an advantage in doing so.”

“Commander,” Han'Gerrel and Koris both said, trying to regain control of Shepard and the now quite enticed crowd of quarians in shock around them.

“I'm talking,” Shepard warned, then bowed her head politely, “ _Admirals_ , I am talking. I will finish my closing statement by saying that this trial is a farce for what it claims to be. Tali's citizenship at risk for your own bickering is much more indicative of a problem the rest of you should be wary about, and to _insinuate_ that she would willingly have anything to do with something that could have harmed her people, have killed her own father, is to not only do her a disgusting disservice as one of your most loyal people but also to do a disservice to _yourselves_ as _leaders_ of the Migrant Fleet.”

“Now, see here!”

“Commander, regardless of Tali's past service, we simply cannot—”

“Silence!”

Shepard spread her hands and waited, one foot tapping gently. Quarians stared at her in an almost circle formation. Tali was silent next to her in shock. And Shepard refused to look away from the remaining Admirals standing on their platform, the protection she felt for Tali's well being, the gratitude for Tali's warmth to her at Freedom's Progress presenting itself in determination that unsettled all four quarian leaders staring right back.

Raan tiredly motioned until all was quiet, and then she softly said, “In light and honor of the duties and adherence already performed and indicated by Tali'Zorah's actions on behalf of the Migrant Fleet, we drop the charges of treason.”

Tali trembled beside Shepard, but her relief was palpable to any who looked.

Ruckus ensued as quarians began shouting about geth and Rannoch, and the Admirals quickly tried to handle the growing situation as Shepard hopped her happy ass right up the stairs, hand tugging Tali's arm along until they got out of most of the crowd.

Garrus chuckled as he looked warmly at her through their visors. “ _Babe_. Spirits, I love watching you in action, even if you're shouting.”

“Yeah, well, I tried,” Shepard replied, blushing a little. She bumped her arm to Tali's when Tali exhaled loudly over her mic. “You okay?”

“You...you listened to me.”

“Yep.”

“Shepard, I...I have no way to repay you for this.”

“You're possibly sacrificing your life, Tali. That's beyond enough, and I hate even asking for it.”

Tali shook her head stood toe-to-toe with Shepard, both of them ignoring the roar of the crowd's arguments. “No, Shepard. I just...I won't forget this, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Thank you,” Tali whispered and quickly hugged her, getting a grin out of Shepard with its sweetness.

“You're welcome. Chat up Raan or Kal'Reegar if you want. Make what arrangements you must for your father. We'll stay as long as you need today,” Shepard insisted and let Tali go. She winked one green eye. “Our ship will be waiting. _Home_ , Ms. vas _Normandy_.”

“ _Shepard_ ,” Tali groaned, sounding quite flushed as she laughed a little, too. “I will. It _is_ fun watching you shout, though.”

Shepard laughed and walked back toward the decontamination with Garrus at her side. She imagined she'd need a drink after all this to calm the hell down again. But when Garrus softly whispered across the comms, “You did good, babe. You _always_ do good,” Shepard relaxed.

He always knew just what to say somehow.  
  
  


 

 


	51. New Experiences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> All characters, game events/game related stuff belongs to the geniuses at Bioware. ('sup Drew.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

 

The atmosphere aboard the _Normandy_ began to feel as if everyone stood on a precipice of slowed down time. Samara meditated longer and more frequently, Jacob would sit with Zaeed lost in thought while they worked on guns, and Miranda engrossed herself in paperwork while staring out her window. Jack's scorn would burst aggressively then dissipate, and she'd stay below deck for even longer. Kasumi sat, absorbed with her gray box prize. Thane rarely left Life Support. Tali did seem better since the trial matter was getting put behind her now.

But at least Mordin and Grunt were speaking, Shepard watching the salarian offer to run tests and check ups on the younger krogan for hormone balances and such as Grunt continued to gain better control over his temper. Shepard honestly appreciated his effort, too.

Grunt would sit with her and watch the fish tank while the ship traveled ports in preparation still. At one point he'd asked her why she'd gone a bit crazy during his Rite there at the end—shooting the shit out of the thresher maw with her rockets until she had no fucking ammo left—and so she explained, quietly there before the swimming fish, about Akuze...about Edolus and the marines, about Cerberus and Corporal Toombs.

Grunt had snorted, muttering that he'd probably have knocked his head against Toombs' for that incident; Shepard snickered despite shaking her head.

Garrus worked even longer shifts and had been any chance he got since their scare with the Collector Ship. Shepard checked on him often through EDI if he didn't answer her pings to his omni-tool for a while. She worried for him because she knew he'd been nervous since his confession in their heated moment among the wreckage, and she totally got why.

It was never that she wouldn't have crossed friendship boundaries before, like he'd imagined. It was fear that she'd push something on him back then that _he_ might not have wanted...or that might not have worked yet, too new and uncertain and make her lose her best friend in the awkward void it could have left. But she'd been thinking. A lot. She'd taken Tali's advice and sat down with Chambers the last week on a nightly basis between continued meditations with Thane for comfort. And she'd slowly begun to understand somethings about herself she hadn't known before.

For instance, she'd not realized her fear of abandonment had partly _pushed her_ pushing him away to begin with back then—that fear of losing her father, then losing Caios, and then Jake, the only man she _had_ really been involved with before Akuze. Shepard had long thought that being a spacer kid, being away from her parents a lot as a child in general, had made her almost desensitized to such a thing. But it hadn't at all.

And she did love Garrus, loved him with everything in her no matter how scary that honestly was, too. She'd known it somewhere inside of her since his near death. It was why she couldn't promise they'd survive everything coming, but that she could do so on what was in her heart.

Kelly Chambers, naturally, had just smiled softly at her through each little talk and revelation, telling her to talk with Garrus about her fears of losing him possibly even with survival due to his family's interference likely coming.

Garrus came upstairs to the cabin after one of the sessions, tired from a long day of bashing his head against abstract algorithms and fighting scenarios EDI had computed for him.

When she saw him enter, her discomfort that usually accompanied the sessions with Chambers calmed itself, and she glanced to him in relief and...curiosity.

Because Kelly had also been poking around into _other_ parts of the relationship, too, encouraging Shepard to be bold with Garrus—not to refrain from telling him things she wanted to try with this mission looming over their heads.

There was only one possible hiccup in her idea for the night, and she shuddered just thinking of hearing Mordin's voice asking that goddamn question again.

No, Mordin, she thought. She was not going to _fully_ ingest.

Garrus frowned a little at her change in expression, no doubt confused from her shifting laughter and sensual looks. “All right, Shepard. What are you thinking about?”

“I want to do something to you,” she admitted with a light blush.

“Oh? What might that something be?” he asked with a seductive vibration in his throat.

Shepard swallowed tightly before meeting his gaze. “Something humans sometimes do to a partner. It's...sexual.”

“It's been a long day, but you have my attention,” Garrus murmured in sensual undertone, a little laugh following his words. “So what is it? Do only males get it?”

“Well it's done a bit differently for females, but both can receive it, and in one position they can, uh, simultaneously. But we're so not ready for that. Maybe ever,” she whispered the last bit, flushed to her neck in embarrassment. “Yeah never.”

Garrus snickered, the sound amplified by the soft noises coming from him in his contentment. “Okay. Tell me. I'm interested.”

“You know how you like when I touch you?”

“I love it. Why?”

Shepard smiled. “I mean when I touch you...down there.”

Garrus's plated brows went up over his intrigued blue eyes. “Oh. Absolutely.”

“Well it's kinda like that, but different.”

“Spill it,” he urged and shifted in his stance.

Shepard grinned at the familiar phrase, then bit her lip. She gestured for him to come closer, and when he did she reached and opened his civvies at the crotch, satisfied to see him already sliding out of the pelvic slit in his own curiosity. “Well, it might take away the magic if I say it in words or it might honestly worry you a bit. So...why don't you close your eyes and let me try? If you trust me not to hurt you, I mean.”

He stared at her contemplatively for a moment, as his cock emerged more than half-way from his internal holding. Good to know mystery was a turn on for him. “Mm. I trust you, always. All right.”

“Okay. When I first do it you'll probably be very surprised and whatnot. Try not to freak out too bad and relax. It feels...really good,” she replied.

“Interesting. Okay. Don't freak out. Got it.”

“Okay. Close your eyes. You can, um...touch me if you want,” Shepard said, thinking that letting him have something to touch might help him panic less at first. She knew he was unsure of what she was going to do, though any human male would have immediately known. Oral was just not a turian thing. Too many sharp teeth in the mouths of all of them.

Garrus shuddered a little, but closed his eyes and raised his chin. Shepard moved slightly forward and slid his palms around her head and felt him stroke her scalp and play with her hair. She looked to his exposed, but not fully presented self, and sent out a mental prayer that she wouldn't have an allergic reaction to his lubrication this way. So far they'd been lucky vaginally and by skin contact.

Gently she reached forward and stroked him, clearing some of his fluid off. Garrus groaned and leaned into her hands, thrusting a tiny bit. “Mm. Feels good, babe. Not different yet, though.”

“Let's get you completely ready,” Shepard smiled and stroked him until he was fully hard and presented and mostly clear. Then, she leaned forward and gently licked him from the middle to the tip on the side. No immediate negative reaction happened to her, and she sighed internally with relief.

Garrus, however, sharply cried out and clenched his talons in her hair. “Ah! Ah, ah, ah, Spirits, what was that?!”  
  
“I'm not done, hon.” Shepard waited until he relaxed his grip on her a little before leaning forward and taking the tip of him into her mouth.

Garrus moaned so loudly she thought the rest of the ship would hear it vibrate along the piping. “Ohhhhhh. Oh! A-A-Athena! _Woah_.”

Talons caught in her hair, but she kept going, moving her head and relaxing her jaw to take more of him each time. Shepard sucked around him as she bobbed, careful of his tapered tip at the back of her mouth. Garrus couldn't stop moaning loudly, sometimes crying out in subharmonics she could hear. Shepard smiled a little around him, just grateful that the natural lubricant he made didn't really have a bad taste or really one at all that wasn't very noticeable anyway. She lifted up some and suckled the tip, earning a sharper, higher turian sexual growl for her efforts and a few small scratches on her scalp and shoulder where one hand had fallen down.

“Shepard! Holy crap, how did you...how... _hnnngh_!”

His awe made her laugh a little, and the small laugh vibrated through her and into his cock. Instantly Garrus jerked with a bit of a screech before it morphed into another growl and faded into a moan. “Do... _please_ do that again.”

Shepard couldn't stop the responding little humored huff that vibrated around him. He cried out and dug into her shoulder, hair wrapped completely in his other hand. She managed to hum a little as she slid down further. Sound vibrations making it better for him did...create some sense, she supposed, given how much sound turians made in general.

“Ugh! Yes! Oh, _fuck_! Fuck!” Shepard felt him start to thrust into her mouth and pulled back a little so he wouldn't hurt her throat. “Babe! This... _this is_....SPIRITS! How? How are you....? I _love you_ so fucking much!”

She couldn't help but moan at how sexy he was being vocally and with his grip on her. His genuine enjoyment thrilled her. Her moan vibrated him again, and he trilled before thrusting harder. Shepard grabbed the back of his leg and squeezed to indicate he needed to calm a little, and thankfully he did.

Garrus then cried out in a deeper way. “So...close! Babe! What...what do I...?”

Shepard slid off of him and wiped her lips. His cock bobbed in front of her, throbbing with need and wetness. This was where she'd stop, not only in case of asphyxiation from a reaction, but just so she wouldn't _completely_ die of _embarrassment_ from Mordin later.

“It's okay,” she murmured and licked along the side, stroking him. “Do it.”

“Shit, babe, sorry. I...ahhhh, Athena!” he growled as she slipped her lips back over him and used her free right hand to stroke his base. Carefully she pressed a finger tip under where he stood out of the pelvic plates, lightly brushing his testicles in his sac that was hidden from view.

About thirty seconds of it alternating had her turian boyfriend losing his mind. “FUCK. FUCK. OH FUCK, A.! I CAN'T...I'M GONNA...OHHHH _FUCK_!”

Garrus damn near roared in pleasure, and the sound bounced around the room loudly; instantly she felt herself get way wetter. Shepard managed to pull back so when he came, talons gripping and scratching the hell out of her, his thinner come spent across her neck. Shepard waited a second until he finished, moaning lowly above her.

She managed to look up despite the talons still desperately holding onto her. Garrus had his head thrown back, mandibles slack and jaw open in ecstasy. He was still groaning low, almost aching in the sound, and his breathing was heavy and labored. Slowly he lowered his face and opened his blue eyes. They were extremely hazy as they tried to focus on her.

Garrus cracked his knuckles as he let go of his grips on her and stroked her face with a talon. “What...was that?”

Shepard grinned at him. “That, hon, was what we call oral sex. Or, for guys, blow jobs. Joker's referred to them before, no doubt.”

Garrus just stared at her. “Oral?”

“What do you think I did?”

“You used...you used your mouth? Wow! That means I just...was.... Oh, damn it, I'm sorry. I, uh...on your neck.”

“Safer, Garrus. It's fine.” She didn't stop her smile at his stunned look. “But yeah, I used my tongue and my mouth. Fingers some. How did you like it?”

“I...I loved it. I've never felt something so...so _good_. I mean our sex is fantastic, but that...that was...something _else_ ,” he murmured, eyes briefly closing.

Shepard eyed his blue cock as it hardened some again, not surprised that his turian endurance was already in action. “I know. It's a very unique stimulation feeling.”

“Fuck yes. I...I thought I felt some stuff,” he said, brows drawing down as he thought.

“Tips of my teeth probably. I hummed some after you made me laugh, so that's what the vibrations were,” she explained and held the hand stroking her face.

Garrus's eyes widened as much as possible. “And your people do this...often? Human males can get this whenever?”

“Depends on the couple and culture, although prostitution is almost always up for it,” Shepard replied with a little shrug. “Why?”

Garrus gaped at her. “How...how do they get anything done when this is something that can happen to them?”

“We tell them no,” she said and laughed heartily. “A lot.”

“But...but Athena. That felt...it was the most amazing thing I've ever felt besides being inside you. I can't completely blame them,” Garrus said, wavering a little in his stance. “If other turians knew about this...they would never look at us like crap again. They'd shut the fuck up about fleshy mouths and blunt teeth. Spirits. No fucking wonder Chellick started dating humans way back. _He knew_.”

Shepard laughed loudly at the almost accusation leveled at the other turian for not sharing such info. She calmed and tried to focus him. “Yeah. But do you see why I wanted you to close your eyes now?”

“Immersed experience?”

“Yes, but how freaked would you have gotten if I'd just taken you in my mouth?”

His mandibles fluttered as he thought. “At first a bit terrified, to be honest.”

“Exactly. You can't do this with your females very safely. So I figured if you didn't see what might scare you, you'd enjoy it more.”

Garrus stared down at her for a minute before coughing. “Um. I....”

“Yeah, hon?”

“I kind of...want to...see now.”

Shepard smirked at him, knowing that this night, what she had done, had basically ensured his interest for the rest of their lives. “Okay.”

“I...I just want the visual. If that isn't too horrible to ask for. It sounds bad, doesn't it?” he questioned, concerned and looking nervous.

She turned her cheek and kissed his fingers. “Don't worry about it. I know why.”

With that she leaned forward again, making sure his eyes were on her. They were, unblinkingly so. Slowly she drew her tongue up the underside of him, and he gasped, air rushing into his lungs as his mandibles flared and slackened in surprise. Shepard kept her green eyes on him, warm and loving and teasing, as she licked him again and gently took him into her mouth.

Garrus moaned, his cock twitching between her lips. “Ohhhhh fuck, babe.”

She smiled around him before bobbing twice and watching his eyes shut briefly before he wearily opened them, a talon stroking over her brow. Carefully she removed him and sat back. “So?”

“Visual....” Garrus choked out a cough. “Visual works, too. Really well.”

“Good to know.”

Garrus smiled at her with that bandaged half-grin before bending and pushing her onto her back. He lowered over her and kissed her deeply, uncaring at what she must have tasted like. Shepard kept her arms wound about his neck, loving the closeness of him. Finally they took a breath, and he stared at her intensely. “What, hon?”

“I can't believe you just did that.”

She smiled back, hand lovingly rubbing his good mandible. “I love you. I wanted to show you.”

“I love you, too.” Garrus's neck flushed a little as she heard his shy words. “You said this is...something females can get, too. It's just a little different. Right?”

“Yeah,” she nodded slightly against her pillow. “It is.”

Garrus blinked again. “Have you...had...?”

“Not by a turian, no. And it's been years since it happened at all.”

“Oh. Okay. Um. Well.”

Shepard smiled softly and stroked his cheek, gripping his good mandible gently. “Don't worry about it. I wanted to give you that. I didn't expect anything back. Honestly figured half-way through you'd toss me over and mount me.”

“I...I thought about it. A lot. But then I kept getting, uh, distracted.” He stared at her again, talons sliding down her side. “What if...um. What if I want to...try to do that for you?”

“Only if you didn't feel pressured.”

“I don't. I want to.”

Shepard sighed, but she was nervous. It wasn't that she didn't trust him to not hurt her or anything. She just was worried he wouldn't like it or her taste and it would get extremely awkward. “Okay. Only if you're sure.”

“Babe, I wanna be able to give you things in return—satisfy each other. I want to do this for you. I'm curious.” He sat up a little above her, eyes roaming. “So...just my tongue...um?”

“Yes.” Shepard swallowed as he glanced down toward her sex and back to her face. “Down, uh, there.”

“This?” He asked as he touched her clit.

She fought not to arch off the bed. “Y-Yep! That and sometimes inside. It's just giving oral stimulation however you are comfortable and however your partner is pleased.”

Garrus considered this, not even flushing on his neck in embarrassment. Shepard wished she had that confidence. Then again, he might have been too aroused and excited to care. “So...what do you like?”

“Me? Um. I'm fine with you experimenting. Just...don't bite.”

Garrus raised a brow. “I could have said that to you had I known what you were gonna do to me. Trust me here, babe.”

“Well...okay. But you can stop whenever you want to.”

“Okay...so. Um. Relax?” He smiled and kissed her softly before slowly climbing down her body. He waited until she kicked her sweats and underwear off. Garrus glanced up, uncertain, so Shepard lifted her legs around and over his arms as best she could. “Thanks. Okay. Close your eyes.”

“Garrus,” she laughed.

“Close them first. You can open later. I want you to have the same experience.”

Shepard smiled at him warmly and obeyed. “All right.”

She jolted at the first tentative lick of his smooth, cylindrical turian tongue when it gently probed around. “Mmmm,” she hummed, biting her lip a little. “You okay? Sick?”

“Fine, A.” Garrus licked up and around, then circled her clit some, making her moan and grip the sheets in her hands. He paused, probably seeing her reactions, and with eyes still closed she told him to keep going if he was all right. Shepard cried out right away; he licked over her clit and hummed then, probably amused at her vocalizations, but the vibrations rocketed through her and she cried out again. Talons gripped her ass as he let go of her clit and licked over her entirely, tracing, before he slowly lapped at her entrance.

Shepard's eyes snapped open and she felt her back arch some. “Holy shit! Yes!”

Emerald eyes rolled back in her skull as she felt his warm slender tongue enter her, sliding back and forth a little and licking as he flicked the tip inside of her, dragging it up against her walls. One of her hands immediately tore through the sheet in her grip. She moaned loudly, his name, repeatedly, as he withdrew his tongue, licked around her, and exhaled. His cool breath made her jump despite it feeling good, and then he was right back down, nursing her and sliding his long tongue inside her again. She opened her eyes and looked down. Garrus was nuzzling into her, sniffing and rumbling as he withdrew his long tongue again. Blue eyes caught her green ones, and they were full of raw, carnal desire. He waited until she focused on him, and then he slowly raised his head a little and licked over her. Shepard almost shouted his name, her moan evolving into a cry as he relentlessly lapped at her.

“Ahh! _Mmmmm_ , Garrus! Oh god. How are you...so good already? Ugh!” she groaned and dropped her head back, feeling her bangs stick to her forehead.

He chuckled a little and teased with his tongue again. This time he gently rubbed her externally with a thumb, and Shepard's back arched again, almost painfully. She cried out again and again, until she was close. So very, very close. “Don't stop, don't stop, _don't stop_.”

That tongue curved upward inside of her, then was quickly replaced by a finger that caressed her. Shepard almost screamed in pleasure before she felt her orgasm hit. Her walls tightened around his finger, and she felt herself get wetter. She shook as the orgasm thundered through her, pulling her voice out loudly and making her entire body feel over-sensitized. Garrus waited until she locked up from it and then relaxed before he slid out and away from her.

She distantly felt him climb back up and nuzzle her face, one hand cupping a breast and stroking her nipple like he had learned. “Damn, Garrus. That was fantastic.”

“Glad you enjoyed it. I want to be able to return the favor whenever. And, babe, don't worry. I like your taste...and I love your smell,” he replied and pressed little kisses to her neck. “Was...was that what you meant about things I could do to you with my tongue?”

“Hm?”

“Remember?”

Shepard laughed, relaxed and relieved. “Oh yeah. That's exactly what I meant.”

Garrus rumbled against her. “Good to know.”

She opened her eyes as he stripped naked and settled over her, pulling her legs easily over his hips. “Garrus?”

“I'm still making love to you,” he replied.

“Oh.” She smiled as he chuckled at her lack of awareness. Of course it only took his cock pushing into her entrance for her to focus and call out his name, fingernails scratching down his neck as he growled, groaned, and thrust harder. Shepard could feel it now, the difference between this and all the times before. Some of their first sexual encounters were really about exploration and learning one another, despite there being an underlying feel of loving emotions. Some of it was just raw sexual, damn near animalistic need that was desperate between them. But this deep connection as they moved together was different. This...this was completely love. This was knowing one another and being comfortable showing how they felt.

Garrus lifted her hips and pummeled into her, slow and heavy at first before picking up the pace when she urged him with her legs. He bent and kissed her as he moved, as she moved with him, and Shepard felt like part of her was melting. Already sensitive, it didn't take long for Shepard to orgasm again, walls clamping down on him and triggering his own as he rocked into her, her name sexily echoing from his throat.

 

 

 

\--------------------------

 

 

 

“Garrus, hey,” she whispered, smiling at his passed out form in her bed. Shepard was fully dressed, donning her armor as she grinned at how tangled the sheets had gotten around him, his legs spread as he took up most of the bed on his stomach.

Much earlier that morning, since he knew how much less she slept due to the cybernetics, Thane privately messaged her; he wanted to talk to her about something important involving his son, something he needed cleared off his mind so he could focus on their target. It had taken some careful maneuvering to get out of Garrus's sleeping hold, but after fifteen minutes he finally rolled over in his sleep and she made her move. Shepard had dressed in her under suit, then armor just in case, brushed her teeth, and went to step out, ordering EDI to notify her if Garrus woke while she was gone so she could explain. With that little check up and “hey,” he seemed to be dead to the world for now.

She found out from Chakwas that he'd had little sleep with the stress and come to her for headache medicine. And with the sexual enjoyment of the previous evening, he was a very sleepy bird. Finally she gave up any attempt to explain why she wasn't in bed when he woke. With a quick peck on his cheek, she hightailed it to the elevator.

She made it down to Life Support, smiling while greeting the handsome drell as he bowed his head politely. “Shepard, please sit,” he'd requested and gestured to a chair near the one table in the room.

“What's up, Thane?”

Thane had paused going to sit across from her, eyes closed.

“Thane?”

“You've...been busy.” Dark eyes popped open, blinking both ways, as he sat down and offered her a small smile. “I apologize. It is...strong.”

“Oh, Garrus and I?” Shepard blushed. “The smell, you mean.”

Thane nodded and rested his elbows in front of him like he often did. “Yes. Nothing to be ashamed of, _Siha_. I'd noticed...significant stress lately and, well, it's a way to deal with it.”

Shepard sighed in embarrassed relief. “I'm glad to hear it. He's admitted to struggling sometimes with hormones. Gets a little territorial at times in public, though I can't blame him for the one night in Afterlife.”

“To be fair, Shepard, he deals with those hormones in ways we can't imagine...but perhaps could be likened somewhat to a pregnant human female? Isn't that the joke? Watch out for the hormones? Aliens have always known not to set off a territorial turian, male or female, but most commonly the males. Studies do show what almost looks like a power surge in their biology when it happens, and parts of the brain go hyperactive toward the primitive areas which affect lots of behaviors,” Thane admitted, shifting in his seat. “I heard details from Goto as to what happened that night. Your lover would make an excellent brawler.”

“Hey, true enough. So long as we get him jealous or super pissed off first he could be a champ, huh.” Shepard laughed a little, stretching back informally in her chair. Her lover. It amazed her to hear that phrase from someone else. “Humans never have considered turians that...type of physically capable. They look too thin.”

“So they may be, but it's how they're shaped that makes them dangerous—thin, light, fast and mobile. I've seen primal turian attacks in my many contracts. There is nothing like it, really.”

“Perhaps you can recall a few for me sometime. I'm honestly curious.”

“Whatever you wish, _Siha_.”

Shepard smiled at him, noting him smile back. “So about that, actually....”

“Ah yes. I have a nickname for 'his woman,' and he doesn't like it.”

“Basically.” Shepard rolled her eyes. Garrus had heard Thane call her that drell word _one time_ on Illium and gave her a very curious look about it before he could ask her directly why another male had a private nickname for her that wasn't simply her name like everyone else used. “He knows what it means now.”

Thane shrugged his shoulders and put his hands together. “I understand his point of view. It's fine. Just got to be a small habit, so I might slip while changing it to private now.”

“All right. I'm curious though.”

“About?”

“You said it was...strong? The scents?” she asked, figuring it was a refreshing of Garrus's scent around her. All her human nose picked up was his delicious earthy smell, so she figured it was very strong if she could smell him still.

Thane's brows rose up. “You want an honest answer to that?”

“Yeah. I'll die of embarrassment somewhere else probably.”

“Shepard,” Thane chuckled at her and leaned back in his seat. “Well. You are...how to put this pleasantly? You are _saturated_ with his scent. Completely. I can smell you, but you're more muted in comparison. And his scent is very complex to any like me or other turians, especially turians. I'm certain I can't decipher it entirely the way they could.”

Shepard sat her chair back on all its feet, interested. “What does his scent imprint on me say, exactly, that you know?”

Thane hummed, smiling a little. “It says very clearly that you are taken and warns any other males to stay away. It also says....”

When he trailed off, Shepard realized he was unaware if she knew Garrus's deeper feelings. She clapped her hands together, feeling awkward. “He, uh, told me he loved me. I feel the same. It's...a bit overwhelming, but in a good way. If we survive this shit, it'll be nice to have something possibly permanent with him.”

“Oh, I see. I wasn't sure.... I'm glad he told you. But yes. It says that as well, that you are his intended, more or less, and not to be trifled with in any sense.” Thane took a deep breath, dark eyes closing before reopening. “It is possible you've given off similar scents females would notice on him, or at the very least have been around enough to coat him in a likewise manner, just without the intensity and complexity.”

Shepard went absolutely pink in the cheeks. “Um. Anyone with a better nose than mine can tell all that?”

Thane chuckled and sat forward again. “Scent is part of it, Commander.”

“I know. Just didn't want _all_ my business that noticeable.”

Thane shrugged at her. “People try to not notice if they can or they're so used to it around them that it isn't anything to notice. Other than that, I recommend a very good bath scrubber and soap to tone it down. Helps mute the intensity...especially after certain events. Keep in mind though it's expected for mates and couples to have a lot of shared scent. Considering that imprinting scents are very important to turian relationships and biology, it makes sense that they're loaded with a wealth of information, too. Try not to worry so much, Shepard.”

“Good to know. It's hard enough when turians lose their shit staring at us. That's about to get worse, huh.” Shepard chewed on her lip. “Eh, fuck 'em. I have a turian boyfriend who's very happy with me.”

A very sly smirk slid onto Thane's face. He bent his head back, dark eyes amused. “Ah, yes. That was what I heard last night.”

Shepard gaped. She'd only joked to herself that his noises might have echoed by vibrating the piping in the room. Had it...actually worked? “Um. Heard?”

“Yes. I spoke with Ms. Chambers when she requested a follow up visit, and as I was taking the elevator, I heard this...sound.” Thane snickered. “I apologize. It is just...entertaining.”

“S'okay. It was him.”

Thane raised a brow. “Poor turian. What did you do to him, if I may ask?” At her very red face, Thane laughed. “Apparently something I shouldn't ask about.”

“Hell Thane, you've seen me cry over stupid stuff. I trust you at this point; you're a friend. No, no it's....um. He's turian, you know. So. Some stuff...humans do...turians don't with other turians, yeah?” Shepard scratched her head and looked out the window behind her at the drive core as it pulsed beautifully.

Thane was silent for a few moments, making it seriously awkward before he spoke. “ _Oh_.”

“Yeah?” she asked, forcing herself to look back at him.

Thane looked far away and closed his eyes, flat teeth on his lip. He coughed harshly and shook his head. “My apologies. I was...um.”

“Trying not to relive a very good memory with me around?” Shepard flashed him a grin, glad to not be the only one embarrassed.

He nodded with a smirk. “Yes. Drell have...yes. I understand his reaction, especially...if it was his first time.”

“Bingo.”

“Hm.”

Shepard shook her head and focused on him fully. “So, what was it you needed to discuss concerning Kolyat? Is he okay?”

Thane immediately stiffened, then dropped his expression into one of frustrated helplessness. “He has...discovered my true profession. Kolyat intends to follow in my steps, I suppose to get my attention since I was gone for so long hunting my wife's killers.”

“How did he find out?”

“Money I had stashed was to be released on a particular birthday of his to him. It got released early, and the man in charge of it gave Kolyat details that he should not have.” Thane rumbled low, his growl different from Garrus's. Shepard's ear pictured it more like the slow rumble that could be heard from a crocodile instead of a faster moving, but low dual toned vibration of the turians.

Shepard nodded at him and spread her hands on the table. “So what do we do?”

“He is going to the Citadel. My contact gave him a small contract—a hit on a local politician who is running for election. Some anti-human turian. I have to stop him so he doesn't...go down this dark path. I would like your help, Shepard, if you can give it,” Thane humbly said and sat straight, blinking a few times those cool ways in succession.

“Absolutely. We were heading that way regardless.” Shepard pushed her chair back. “EDI?”

“Yes, Commander? Officer Vakarian is still soundly asleep.”

“EDI, I want you to have Joker plot directly for the Citadel. Thane needs a problem cleared before we hit the relay,” Shepard ordered.

The AI paused, then replied, “Done.”

“Thanks a bunch, EDI.”

“Of course, Commander.”

Thane smiled as he rose. He came near to whisper, “I believe our AI is fond of you.”

“Garrus has said the same thing,” she whispered back with a shrug.

“You are rather unique in your approach to life and civil rights. I'm sure it's appreciated.” He switched to a normal speaking tone after that to thank her. “Please message me when we dock. I will need to speak with C-Sec to inform them of what is to happen and see what negotiations can be made for Kolyat if needed. I hope it will go well; C-Sec and I have...danced often professionally.”

“Not a problem; lucky for you I'm dating an ex-officer, _and_ I know someone in internal affairs, along with Captain Bailey. Joker?”

“Give me an hour, tops. We aren't far out,” Joker replied over the Life Support comm.

Thane bowed to Shepard. “Thank you, _Siha_.”

“Anytime, Thane.”

Shepard exited the room, glad to see the soft smile on the drell's face. By the time she made it back to her cabin, Garrus had started to wake. She was stepping down the stairs as he rolled again, and she grinned while he reached around blindly, tapping empty covers and growling in confusion.

“Hey,” she said and came closer to sit on the corner of the bed.

Garrus cracked his eyes open and yawned, flaring his good mandible wide and relaxing his jaw a moment the best he could with the bandage over his still-healing wound. She watched him stretch, then look at her confusedly. “Why are you dressed? Did I miss anything? Something going on?”

“You know how we've been trying to clear everyone's minds, get any loose ends tied up before we do the final run? Well, it's Thane's turn. His son...found out about his profession and doesn't understand a lot. He's taken a contract on the Citadel to assassinate a politician, an unfortunate anti-human turian fellow. Thane needs help stopping him and talking to C-Sec,” Shepard explained, fingers stroking over his face as those pretty blue burst eyes stared at her.

“Anti-human turian? You sure we shouldn't just let Thane's kid shoot the prick?” Garrus raised his brow plates. “Then again it sounds like it might be an emotional mess.”

“He'll come out of it, but I'm gonna be there.”

Her turian boyfriend sat up further as he woke and shook his head. A deep exhale echoed a little in the room. “Yes. First, you're the person he works for and he needs that help. Second, Thane needs someone around if he has to...if the only way to stop his son is to do the unthinkable.”

“Yeah.” Shepard frowned. “I'm really hoping it doesn't get to that. I don't want to be a living reminder of that type of tragedy for _two_ of my team.”

“It'll be okay.” Garrus leaned toward her and kissed her cheek. “I can help with C-Sec crap.”

“Thanks. Was hoping you'd offer.”

“Anytime, babe.”

Shepard smiled at him before breaking into soft laughter. She couldn't take it. “You were _out_ this morning.”

He smiled under her, kissing her again. “Duh. I'm tired and actually a little sore. I got a _thorough_ work out last night.”

Her brows went up. “ _You're_ sore?”

“Well yeah.” Garrus held up one of his hands and balanced behind him with the other. Each finger ticked off something he listed. “Round one, two, _and_ three. After the _amazing_ new foreplay, I will say. You got the goods.”

Shepard laughed and patted his cheek. “Yeah, well that was all you, hormone-boy. Just be glad I can walk today.”

“Oh...shit. Are you okay?” Garrus rose up, shifting to look her over.

“I'm fine. A little sore in a certain spot, but a good sore.” Shepard winked and climbed off the bed. “Get dressed. We've got time for chow before we hit the Citadel. Depending on what we find out, we may be shopping today until word hits.”

Garrus trilled as he slid off the bed naked and reached for his pants. “Ooh. I've been meaning to get a new pistol for you. Much better damage without me tweaking the hell out of your gun and making me nervous. Saw it there before we went after Harkin.”

“Very thoughtful, Vakarian.”

“I know my girlfriend,” he joked and managed to carefully shrug his shirt over his head.

Shepard watched, a bit mystified. “I'll never figure out how you get that crap on and off without catching anything.”

“Oh, lots of practice. I prefer zippers, but this was clean last night.”

Garrus grabbed his visor and walked into her bathroom. She followed him with her gaze, amused, and saw him shut the door to take his morning piss. Shepard looked away then, back to her very mussed sheets, warmed by the memories of the night before.

She waited for him to brush his teeth and followed him into the elevator.

“Gonna get your armor on before you eat?” she asked as they rode down to the crew deck level.

He nodded, visor already glimmering over his face. “Yeah. Quicker and easier to leave if we need to in a hurry.”

Just as the door went to open, Garrus caught her armored wrist. “A.?”

“Yeah?” she answered, bemused.

“I, uh. Just wanted...to tell you that...I love you.” Garrus shifted, awkward, blinking quickly behind his visor.

Shepard smiled and turned to press a full kiss on his mouth. Garrus groaned a little, unable to help it. “I love you, too.”

“Good. That's good.”

“You know, usually the first time is supposed to be the most nerve wracking, not the later times you say the big three words,” she teased as the door finally opened and they exited together.

Garrus snorted and waved the comment off as he made his way to the battery. Chakwas looked up from the medbay window and saw her, saw Garrus walking away from her in...probably...oh yeah, his clothes looked a bit rumpled. Oh hell. Good thing the mess wasn't busy yet. But the old doctor merely smiled wisely and nodded, tapping her datapad as she turned away again.

 

  
  
  
 


	52. Pasts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

 

 

The atmosphere was absolutely tense as the trio debated with Captain Bailey. There were only so many details Shepard was comfortable sharing with the human about Thane or his son; she had to keep him protected. Thane must have noticed her efforts because he gave her a soft half-smile and stepped forward to direct the conversation.

“Officer, this deals with my son. I want to prevent him from committing a grievous error. He is not a bad kid, just...has been misguided recently,” Thane explained, hands behind his back as he spoke.

Shepard watched Bailey's eyes slide to her, like he was waiting for her to realize there was only so much legal protection he could offer Kolyat if the crime were serious. To their surprise Garrus spoke up, agitated. “Isn't one of C-Sec's jobs to help kids in need? To deter and inspire rather than harm and ruin a life before the mistake has even happened? Or has shit changed so much since I quit that I should be thankful I got the hell out?”

Bailey opened and closed his mouth twice, unsure of what to say quite then, but hardened his face in understanding. “Best place to look for a lead would be a duct rat.”

“A...what?” Shepard asked in confusion.

Garrus lifted his head. “Kids that are often neglected and take to crime to survive. They sometimes travel through parts of the Citadel they're not supposed to, actual ducts even, and....”

“We find bodies sometimes,” Bailey admitted tiredly. “It's never good.”

Thane closed his eyes. “I remember some of these children.”

“Yeah. There's one that's more of an adult now—he'd probably be your best bet. Goes by Mouse,” Bailey said. “He's typically around this ward, so search the floors well. Be aware though; like any good informant, he can be skittish.”

Shepard noticed Thane instantly tighten up. She _only_ noticed because she'd been around him so much on the ship, had seen him in action to spot the difference in his fluid use of his body as a tool and his hesitance in remembering his soul, as he believed the matters separate.

“Thank you, Officer,” she said.

“Let me know what you find out. I want this resolved for everyone's sake.”

“Understood.”

Shepard and Garrus followed Thane out of the C-Sec area into the ward's floor. She waited until they were in a some what secluded spot near a shop. Thane turned around expectantly. “If I'm right, then I know this Mouse. The last time I met him...if it is him...was several years ago. I...suppose you could say I spent more time around him for contact information than I had my own son at the time. And now I pay for it.”

“Don't let yourself go down that road right now, Thane.” Shepard reached out and patted his arm. “You've got the best focus of anyone I've seen. Use it. Tell me what we need here.”

Thane's dark eyes sharpened. “The _dralafa_ , the ignored as my people call them, are the best for information. I'll track him down and contact you when I know more. This is...more personal than I realized.”

Shepard gauged the anger in the drell's face and shook her head. “I'm going with you. We need multiple eyes on this. Garrus, you watch this floor for any suspicious younger human males. I'll head up, probably split from Thane from there. We'll find him quicker.”

Thane subtly glanced to Garrus, probably wondering if the turian was going to put up an argument, but Garrus only nodded. “Be careful,” he said softly and squeezed her hand before he walked off in the other direction of the ward.

Together Shepard and Thane went up to the next level, the 28th, and eyed the opening of the hallway. They had come out near the gun shop Garrus had earlier said he wanted to check out for her. Both walked in a bit farther, Shepard going left and glancing around near the hover cars, only finding some turians and krogan around with some other intermixed alien crowds. Thane suddenly pinged into her comm, though, and she paused. “I found him.”

“Visual? Where?”

“Near the far side, against a wall. Probably waiting on a client meet up. I'll go for it; come find me.”

Shepard replied with an affirmative and sent Garrus a message in his comm, updating him on the situation. “Want me to come up?” he asked quietly in her ear.

“Might stick around by the gun shop, actually. I need some blocks in case this kid tries to run one way or the other,” she replied, considering Bailey's words and Thane's determination about this young human.

“On it, babe. Don't worry.”

“Thanks,” she smiled and found Thane speaking tightly in a corner to a dark-headed human. The young man looked terrified for a moment, as if he were seeing a ghost. Shepard approached, eyeing the two to gauge her response level.

“Shit, Krios!” Mouse said almost sadly.

Shepard raised a brow at that and glanced to the drell, who only sighed and let go of his grip on the kid.

“Mouse, you can change your pants later. Right now you have serious information that I need. A life hangs in the balance,” Thane murmured, dark eyes settled firmly on the human. Shepard bit her lip to avoid laughing at the startled look on the kid's face.

“Look, Krios, I'd love to help, but....”

“What do you know about a hit involving another drell for the assassin? Who is the target specifically? Who ordered it?”

Mouse shook his head roughly. “I can't say. It's...too dangerous for me to say. But...the drell. Is he...? When they said Krios, I thought it might have been....”

“My son. Help me here, Mouse,” Thane's voice had softened considerably until it sounded like a reassuring parent and not the threat it really was. Shepard was impressed.

Mouse seemed to take well to the change and finally nodded. “Okay. But you can't say I told you. He'll have me killed, Krios.”

“Of course.”

“I...I got the ordered hit from a businessman here. Human named Elias Kellam. He's really rich and very politically involved. Someone you don't mess with. I got in touch with...the other drell and walked away with my cut. The target is some turian politician—anti-human, named Jorum Taleed.” Mouse ran a hand through his hair. “I'm sorry, Krios. If I had known...I mean he used your name as a connection to get it, so I had confidence, but I thought it....”

Thane took one more subtle step forward. “He's your age, Mouse. He shouldn't be doing this at all.”

“Shit. Sorry.” Mouse winced. “Can...I go now?”

Thane looked strangely amused for a moment before he held a hand up to block Mouse from running. Shepard was ready to call for Garrus, but stopped as Thane smirked. “Why don't you tell my friend, the great Commander, what you tried to sell me?”

Mouse looked to her for the first time, really looked at her, and went deadly pale. “Oh. Shit.”

“Tell her, Mouse, and you can go.”

Shepard gave Thane a curious look before switching her gaze back. “What are you up to, kid?”

“Uh, I've...to make money, well,” Mouse kicked at the floor with his shoe. “Okay, so selling copies of illegal VIs can net you serious credits.”

Shepard was instantly hot. “You're selling copies of me as a VI?”

“Um...yes?” Mouse literally squirmed as she grabbed his arm tightly.

“As funny as this is, you do realize what you're doing is a serious violation of my _very real and alive_ privacy, right?”

“I-I'm sorry!”

Shepard saw Thane raise a brow, waiting to see her reaction. She sighed, knowing the kid had indeed helped them despite this development. Reluctantly, she let go of the battle and so let his arm go, too. “Stop selling them. Immediately. I mean it. It's...creepy.”

“You got it, ma'am. Really sorry about this.”

“Afraid a woman might kick your butt, Mouse?” she asked, amused now as he twitched.

Mouse shifted with an awkward laugh. “Oh, I know about you, human Spectre. I'm not touching that with any length of pole.”

Shepard laughed loudly then and winked at him, noticing both Mouse and Thane relax at her calmness. “Oh, fine. Give me a damn copy. But stop selling, okay?”

“Sure! Of course! I'll, uh, send Krios the copy.”

“All right. Now scamper, Mouse. We've got work to do,” Thane teased and waved as Mouse nodded sheepishly, returned the wave and took off to their left.

Shepard shook her head in good humor as they walked back toward the way they'd entered. “So. Shepard VI. How humiliating.”

“I saw a sample. It's rather glitchy.”

“Even better,” she groaned out, then paused. Garrus was waiting by the gun shop, but he wasn't alone. There was a female turian with him, and she was _very much_ in his personal space. And, judging by his reactions, this was a female he'd known. Well. Without matching clan marks, that meant an ex most likely.

Thane's eyes caught the cause of her distress, and he gently squeezed her shoulder. “Go for the stomach, Shepard. I will meet you at Bailey's office.”

“Thanks,” she whispered at his tip, feeling the anger twist inside of her as she marched over toward the two turians. At her close approach, Garrus's head snapped up, his nose scenting her. He glanced awkwardly to the female as she jerked upon smelling her, too, but in a much more obviously agitated way. Shepard put on a fake smile. “Hi. Don't believe we've met. Can I help you with something?”

The female regarded her with a closed expression. Shepard took in her lighter plating and orange markings, her dark eyes glittering in the low orange lighting. She looked back to Garrus. “I thought you were joking about a human girlfriend, you freak.”

Shepard balled one of her fists, then almost gaped when Garrus merely laughed, seeming not offended. What the _fuck_? He snickered. “Now why would I joke about something like that, Velta?”

“Got me. I've heard lots of crazy shit about you the last couple of years, Garrus.” The female, Velta, refocused on Shepard. “Aren't you that human Commander?”

“You mean the Citadel Spectre hero? Bet your ass.”

“Well. Nice to see a human can be territorial, too,” Velta smirked.

“Oh, we can. Don't worry. We've had wars over such things.” Shepard quirked one of her brows and crossed her arms. “The kidnapping of a woman once created war between two empires.”

Garrus moved closer to her side, and she purposefully ignored the feeling of his hand on her back. “Shepard, Velta is...an old friend.”

“We went through training together,” Velta explained and glanced at her talons, impassive.

Immediately Shepard drew in a breath. Garrus had only ever mentioned one female from that time, and it was related to a sexual encounter. Slowly she looked up to him, eyes demanding confirmation. The instant look away was her answer. _Sonofabitch._ Shepard plastered another smile on her face. “Oh, yeah. I've heard about you.”

Garrus cursed behind her. Velta raised her brow plates in surprise. “Shocking. Didn't know I was on your mind all these years still, Garrus. Good to know I made an impression.”

“You weren't. Something else related came up and you were in the story.”

Velta's stance changed. Shepard caught the aggressiveness subtly focused her way in it. “Oh. Well that can only really be one good story, then. I'm still flexible, by the way.”

“Not interested,” he replied.

The female turian shrugged. “Just putting it out there. We had some great times, and we were friends once. You have to at least give me a way to catch up with you. I mean people back home went nuts when you were part of the Citadel stuff. You're...something. After all that you became quite the catch. You realize your dad's been receiving offers for you to be mated, right? They're serious and high up.”

Shepard's stomach dropped as she heard Garrus growl low, but he spoke over it and Velta's surprised reaction to his anger. “I'm taken and busy.”

“Some strange fling with another species doesn't mean anything. You have to consider your future here. Blackwatch recruitment and a politician's daughter? Think about this. I'd be happy to introduce you to some appropriate females who wouldn't care about our past,” Velta replied and watched him, ignoring Shepard. “Or any possible times we could still have.”

That pissed her off. Shepard spoke almost sickeningly sweet. “I'm not something temporary, sweetheart. I'm the long haul. And you won't be having any future anythings with _my_ turian.”

“The...what?”

“I _love_ him. And I'm taking whatever time I get with him in my life, which better be fucking longer than some people are betting. How does _that_ translate for you?” Shepard asked, voice snarky.

“ _Please_.” The female whipped her head to Garrus, making Shepard feel satisfied that she'd gotten to her. “Surely you wouldn't be that stupid, Garrus. What would be the point? Your father would disown you. Everything you know would change.”

Oh holy shit. She thought maybe his dad would have a fit for a while after finding out how serious they were, but...disowning him? He'd never...said that was a possibility. Insecurity and fear threatened to swallow Shepard whole until he spoke one word, deadly soft. “Love.”

“Love? How could you love a human? What's even there to want at all?” Velta looked seriously confused and flicked her eyes over Shepard's smaller form. “Think about this logically, Garrus. There's no way you're satisfied, not the way you could or should be. The hormones are just...deluded. Confused. No offense,” she added to Shepard.

Shepard shrugged. Despite wanting to punch the bitch, she actually understood where Velta was coming from on this. And that hurt, a lot. “None taken. It's a legit question. But you should know he's plenty satisfied, well beyond anything he expected.”

Velta blinked. “Well...look, you being human, you probably don't get how huge a thing this is. I mean, out of old friendship, Garrus, I have to at least try to point out how bad an idea it would be to let this fling go further.”

“This _isn't_ a fling. I'm well aware, Velta. I've also had three years to develop feelings and these hormones, which _are real_. I've made my decision to stand by her as long as I can, and if you ever _did_ consider me a friend of any sort, you'll respect that and let it go. I'm not letting anything else slide toward my intended,” Garrus said lowly, hand firmly around Shepard's waist and visible for anyone to see the claiming in the action. Shepard smiled, knowing all the time she'd spent with Garrus had meant so much more to him than a simple fuck back in his youth. In that moment she felt security and feminine confidence wrap around her strongly.

The female eyed Garrus openly before switching her gaze, and fury welled up inside of Shepard. “Well, enjoy whatever you're getting while it lasts. Garrus is a great fuck.”

Garrus flushed, his neck darkening. The words cut into Shepard deeply in a way she knew wouldn't easily heal—images of the two sprung up in her head until she forced herself to think about him last night...all the things he'd said to her, things he'd never experienced with anyone else before. Shepard grinned. “Oh I know. I've gotten the best reactions out of him with my _fleshy_ bits. Blew his fucking mind. And, just so you know, being human means I'm way more flexible. Have a _great_ day.”

Velta seemed torn between glaring at her and being dismissive. She settled in between the expressions. “If you care for him at all you'll realize you're only going to hurt him. You'll never be enough. And he'll never be enough, likewise. Just think about it.”

“I love how you judge me without knowing anything about me beyond my species. Like, do you know I'm actually _attracted_ in general to male turians? That before this happened another male and I were debating dating, but I had feelings for Garrus and couldn't go through with it? No. You didn't. You assume everything. There's a reason you're only a memory and I'm here with him,” Shepard spoke carefully, voice even in its darkness. “And even when I was gone, even when I'd started to be memory, he never let me go. Best not forget that.”

Velta's jaw dropped open. Garrus stayed quiet, but his grip tightened significantly on her as Shepard continued, “I may not be like you. I may not have things you have. But that doesn't necessarily mean different can't be better. You don't know what I've done for him. You don't know the pain and sacrifice and love that's gone into everything. You don't know that I've _killed for him_. You don't know that I treat him to both human and turian affection, that I treat him with more respect than anyone else and believe him to have his own mind and agency as the adult he is. Garrus is my best friend—a fucking hero. A survivor.”

Finally the female growled and stepped aggressively forward. “You've always had that attitude—this snotty 'I'm better than everyone because I'm Commander Shepard and I saved these aliens' attitude. What could anyone see in _you_? Didn't you, like, die?”

“Shut the fuck up, Velta. You don't know a damn thing about Shepard!” Garrus almost snarled as he jerked her away.

Velta's words were a slap to the face, despite being completely untrue. Shepard had never given two shits about her reputation. She'd only ever wanted to do right and help people. “Glad to know media is still that influential,” she said.

“Enough. We're going.” Garrus pushed against her and forced them feet away towards the stairs to go down to the C-Sec offices.

“Give it time. You'll remember what you are, Garrus—a fucking turian. And not even asari really satisfy our needs,” Velta called out. “You know it's true. Stop this mistake before it haunts you.”

Shepard balled her fist. She tore out of Garrus's hold, ignoring the several faces that had turned at the female turian's shout. People spun around to watch the confrontation.

“Oh _that_ is it,” she snapped.

Garrus came up behind her. “Babe, c'mon. Don't give her the satisfaction. I'm not. You know how I feel.”

“I'm not giving her anything. I'm tired. I'm sore. I'm cranky. I've got a mission over my head, and I've been insulted enough.”

“What are you going to do, human? Fight me? Do you really think it's possible to be with one of ours like this?” Velta shook her head. “Just accept the truth.”

“Stop being a jealous bitch pretending to be a friend,” Shepard countered. “You're not fooling _anyone_.”

Velta bent into an offensive position. A couple of nearby asari gasped at the display. “Fine, then. You're so _capable_ , Commander? Prove it.”

“I'm not afraid of you.”

“Enough!” Garrus snapped then and grabbed her arm. “Come _on_.”

“You don't get to fight about me and deny me the same. Don't even try.” Shepard threw his grip off of her and kept a disarming stance. “All right. You want to prove you're better than me? That turian women trump everyone else? Try.”

Velta snarled and lunged forward, making the crowd gasp. Shepard blocked the first punch, hiding her wince from the impact of Velta's forceful repeat hits. Garrus snapped forward and moved to intervene, but Shepard quickly growled out, “Stay out of it, Garrus!”

“Then let _me_ do it,” he countered as she managed a nice move and took Velta off balance for a second. “Let me protect you!”

Shepard tried to ignore the people watching at safe distances around them. “ _No_ , Garrus.”

“You won't last much longer. Sorry, Garrus. I'm putting her down,” Velta hissed and went for a deadly swipe, one no doubt designed to concuss her.

Shepard side stepped the swing, swung her leg to distract Velta and watched the female turian leap over it the way Garrus had in their spar. It was enough of an opening for Shepard to bring a balled fist up into Velta's lower belly. The female instantly screeched, then coughed, absolutely unable to catch her breath as she went to the floor. Garrus stood in shock, staring at her.

“I am _not_ a mistake.” Shepard whispered harshly, rolled her shoulders and looked down to the lump on the floor as Velta still coughed with her head hung low. And with that Shepard marched off, not even looking back at the whispering crowd, the stairs coming into sight. She was so beyond agitated that she could barely feel better that she had kicked the female's ass. Just before she stepped out onto the 27th floor to find Thane, very strong and familiar turian arms yanked her back into the corridor. Shepard grit her teeth as she was shoved against a wall.

Garrus was growling low as he glared her down. “What the fuck was that?” he asked lowly.

“Nothing you haven't done yourself. Back off.”

Garrus's eyes roamed her face as he closed in around her. “I fucking get that. I just...why didn't you let me handle it?”

“Because I'm not fucking helpless, unlike what people must think,” she spat, frustrated. “Let me go. I need to get to Thane.”

“Thane can fucking wait a second.”

“No, Garrus, he can't. Neither can his kid. I've wasted enough of his time with this.”

Garrus smacked his fist against the wall. “I know. Just don't act like we're not important, too, damn it. Look at me, A. Right now.”

“Don't order me, Garrus.”

He glared. “Look at me, please.”

Shepard shifted her gaze to his directly. “What?”

“I...hadn't expected to see her. I also hadn't expected her to be so fucking racist. I'm sorry. I tried explaining I was seeing you, and apparently she refused to take it seriously. So I tried brushing her off by acting like _she_ meant nothing, but you started arguing.” Garrus brushed her cheek with his other hand and lowered his face. “I get it, though. But...um. I learned something, too. You're sexy when you get possessive. Know that?”

“Oh really?”

“Got me hot, Shepard,” he admitted, blue eyes warm.

Shepard couldn't stop the little smirk from darting across her lips. “We gotta go.”

Garrus sighed and followed behind her, sounding a bit despondent and sexually frustrated with his subharmonic sound catching her ears.

 

 

 

\---------------------------

 

 

 

Getting Kellam into an interview room hadn't been easy. Getting the information out of him hadn't been smooth, either. Shepard and Thane had tried a good cop, bad cop routine where she was very tempted to punch the smart ass human several times and settled for only cracking him one time when he completely insulted her. Thane seemed mildly surprised that she'd actually hit him, but he stuck to his role well and only falsely admonished her. After they extracted what they needed and left with Kellam screaming for whoever squealed, Thane had actually taken her aside and hugged her.

Shepard relaxed into the hold, needing it. Admittedly, she'd punched Kellam harder than he probably deserved since she was on edge and uncomfortable from meeting Velta earlier. Thane let go of her gently. “Are you all right?”

“Fine,” she said tiredly.

Thane tilted his head. “ _Siha_ , talk. Thank you for helping me with Kellam, but...what happened upstairs?”

“Don't worry about it. Right now your son is priority, and I'm sorry I did take a few minutes to get down here earlier. I was kicking that bitch's ass.”

Thane frowned and reached for her shoulder. “Well, we can talk later. But don't be sorry.”

“If you say so.” Shepard followed him out to Bailey.

The Captain was shaking his head at another officer who was talking about Kellam's lawyer wanting to press charges. Bailey laughed. “Let him try. I got him tied to a hit on a turian politician.”

“Admission under false circumstances!” the lawyer shouted.

“I've got a _witness_ to the ordering of the actual hit,” Bailey fired back.

Shepard noticed Garrus sit up off the wall from his leaned position and come near her, looking sheepish and worried.

Thane exchanged information with Bailey and moved for the exit. “We must go. Shepard, I want you to take the rafters. Garrus, your bandage stands out as too much of a recognizable mark. I don't want Kolyat noticing any of us, so it might be best for you to stay back. I'll stick to the shadows.”

She touched his shoulder as he inhaled deeply. “It's going to be okay. And if it's not...I'll do whatever I can for you.”

“I know. Thank you, Shepard.” Thane closed his eyes. “I must pray. Go on ahead. I'll signal in your comm.”

Shepard nodded and moved to follow Bailey towards a ceiling layer access point for maintenance. Garrus reached out and stopped her a second. “Babe?”

“We'll talk later.”

“I know...just...be careful. Good luck.”

“Thanks,” she whispered and took off after Bailey.

Several minutes later found she and Thane stalking the turian politician, Taleed, through the ward streets. He kept pausing to talk to voters, then went into stores while his guards, Bloodpack by the looks of them, waited and did shakedowns. Shepard thought back to Garrus's comments that morning about how it was a shame they couldn't let Kolyat just shoot the idiot, but perhaps if she and Thane stopped it Taleed would realize his prejudices aren't based on anything real. But that was a long shot.

“You got the target?” Thane asked quietly in her ear.

She still couldn't see him below, which was a fucking credit to his reputation. He was like a ghost. “Yep. Still chatting. Looks like he'll be moving out soon, though. He's shifting his weight a lot.”

“On it.”

Shepard trailed him another few minutes, bypassed an annoying maintenance worker that tried to yell at her, and then froze. Below her coming out of a small crowd was a handsome, blue and white colored young drell, and he was hot on the trail of the turian. “Thane!”

“I see him!”

Shepard panicked as she saw Kolyat draw a pistol from his side, quickly she jumped down off the raised platform and stumbled to her feet. “Kolyat!” she shouted, desperate to get his attention.

Kolyat turned in shock at her, just as the politician did. The youth turned back, saw the awareness over his target's face, and went for it; a few shots took down his Bloodpack guards long enough for Kolyat to chase the target through into an apartment. Shepard ran for him as fast as she could, and Thane appeared almost out of thin air next to her, faster than she could go. They burst into the apartment and found Kolyat standing behind a kneeling Taleed with his hands on the back of his neck.

Thane wheezed a little as he stared at his son with a pistol in his hand pointed execution style. Shepard looked between the two. Kolyat glared as he focused on his father. “You've gotta be kidding me. Now you show up.”

“Kolyat,” Thane began and took a very careful step to Shepard's left, closer.

“I don't need anything from you. Just get out. This is my target.”

“Drell, I'll do anything you want. Just get me out of here!” Taleed was desperate as he kept his tight position and tried to eye Thane before him.

Shepard bit her lip as the father and son bickered for a moment, with Thane trying desperately to keep control of the situation. Was Kolyat not aware his own father might have to shoot him to end this?

“Get outta my way. I'm taking him with me. You move and I shoot him,” Kolyat warned, dark eyes furious.

Shepard kept one of her hands near where her pistol was holstered and prayed she wouldn't have to use it against him.

Thane shook his head. “Kolyat, you will not leave this room alive if you try that. C-Sec guards will have surrounded the place and will be here any second. Think about this.”

The younger drell sneered. “Why do you even care?”

Shepard almost broke a little at the real pain in his lighter voice. The things Thane had admitted about his life...well, now she could see the casualties the way he tried to explain them: Of how he'd tried so hard to keep his profession, one he'd been practically raised in, separate from a life he'd been able to create with his wife and Kolyat until batarians related to a contract had taken revenge and took the life of Kolyat's mother. His poor son was tortured between the raw information of it all and his father's constant disappearances.

Thane took a breath, unsure of where to begin. Shepard saw Kolyat build his wall right back up, and she opened her mouth to stop him. “Kolyat, your father is dying.”

Thane looked to her as Kolyat did. Shepard felt a bit bad, but she hadn't wanted Thane's son to disregard anything Thane said after that moment had passed. Kolyat shook his head at his father. “What, you come here now when you're dying? For what...forgiveness? So you can die with a clean conscience?”

“Kolyat.... I...no. I want to make sure you don't follow this path of darkness. I want to fix this.”

“You should have long ago. You weren't there. You weren't _ever_ there. You weren't there for me, and you weren't there when she _died_. Then you were gone entirely.”

Oh God. Shepard bit her lip, feeling so much sympathy for the kid that it was painful.

Thane lowered his head just as Bailey entered with a few officers. “I know I wasn't, and I can't make that up to you. But Kolyat...I was gone all those years to...track her killers. To keep _you_ safe and keep them coming after me alone. And what I've done to you does not mean you should put yourself in this line. This target shouldn't pay for my mistakes.”

“Shepard,” Bailey warned, his officers obviously debating if they should take a shot now.

Kolyat glared. “I was hired to do a job. I thought _you_ of all people would get that. Back off!” he shouted at the C-Sec group. “I'll shoot him!”

Shepard had had enough—enough visions of death, of separation of family, of loss and fear. She did the only thing she thought she could do in that moment. With a quick signal to Bailey, she yanked her gun out, shot a lamp behind Kolyat and scared him enough that he broke position. A split second later she stepped forward and slugged the drell, further snapping him out of the moment. Bailey came forward and took the pistol, eyes on Thane.

She helped the turian politician to his feet. “Taleed, get out of here.”

“No need to tell me twice. Thanks, human,” he said in relief and walked out, not looking back as he was welcomed by some officers.

Thane looked absolutely miserable as he stared over his lost and scared son. “Kolyat.”

Kolyat looked away, angry and knowing he was at least getting arrested. Shepard turned to Bailey. “They need to talk, and then so do you and I. Is that cool or do I need to pull Spectre status here?”

“It's fine. He isn't the only imperfect dad,” Bailey muttered, voice drenched in personal experience. “We'll be outside.”

Shepard nodded and patted Thane's shoulder. “I'll be sure you get a room to talk.”

“Thank you, _Siha_ ,” Thane murmured softly. Kolyat's eyes hugely rounded on her at that, but of course he couldn't understand nor did he know the mission and the friendship his father had acquired.

About half an hour later, they were all back in C-Sec's Zakera Ward HQ. Thane and Kolyat were in a room together, and Shepard had negotiated with Bailey for community service and employment. Of course that raised the Captain's brows, but she demanded the suit be kept out of the court system. This had been a mistake, a big one, yes, but in the end the only ones hurt were some scumbag mercs who'd been shaking down businesses for votes. Let the kid earn his way back into good graces, learn something about himself and mature to be a part of the rest of civilization. Bailey agreed to it in the end, surprised at himself, but again feeling sympathetic for Thane.

Shepard rested her head against the wall. Bailey offered her a chair as she waited, but since she was alternatively pacing, she denied him with a thanks. Garrus had disappeared after they got back and started hammering out details. She tried not to let it bother her. Shepard was just glad both Thane and his son were alive and could be alive to be angry and get over things together. She clung to that to keep other things out of her mind.

That was until Garrus reappeared and approached her side. She turned and glanced to him. He raised a box up that he was carrying. “Got you something,” he said softly.

“Thanks,” she replied, looking over the box.

Garrus sighed and sat the box down at his feet. He took her hands in his and eyed her tensely. “I'm _really_ sorry again about...her. It's been years since I saw her last, babe. I didn't know what to do about it in public here. Getting arrested wouldn't help anything if I went off on her completely. When she went for you, though...if you hadn't refused me to intervene, I'd have...Spirits, I don't know what I'd have done to her.”

“I know,” Shepard said. She felt his frustration, but could get it. “You weren't prepared for her stupidity.”

“No, I wasn't. Honestly thought she was better than that.” Garrus tilted her face up with a gloved finger. “I just wanted to get you out of there, and we couldn't exactly get nailed by C-Sec while trying to work with them. Know that I wasn't comfortable when I first saw her, especially when she reacted how she did to me saying I was with you. And like I said, I thought maybe treating her like something inferior would get my point across, but apparently it didn't.”

“Don't worry about it.”

“What's bothering you then?” he asked, concerned.

Shepard eyed him finally. “What if she's right about some of it?”

“Shepard, _you_ are the only female I've ever loved like this. You're enough for whatever our future allows us to have—and I mean _whatever_ , however far that road goes. Don't you ever think you aren't enough. I chose you so long ago, without realizing it, but I know now what I'm doing. And if I'm not enough, then _you_ need to tell _me_.”

“It's not that. Garrus, you could lose your family, couldn't you, if say we survive this shit and live together, if we get _really_ serious?”

He said nothing, but his expression darkened.

Shepard shook her head and let go of his hands. “I fucking knew it.”

“Babe, I don't care. I love my family, and if they can't love me enough to support me in this, then that's their fault. Not yours. Don't you back away.” Garrus ignored Bailey's awkward snort as he yanked her to him and held her tightly. “I love you. That's all that matters.”

“Garrus,” she started to argue, but just felt too tired.

“I promise. As for the rest, you're right. You'll never be a memory again so long as you live. I forgot about her at some point. I never forgot you. You're everything to me.”

“I know.”

“Great punch by the way. How'd you know to hit her there?”

Shepard lay her cheek against his armor. “Thane said to before he left me. I kinda punched Kellam a little more than I should have, so he was concerned afterward and hugged me.”

“I...oh. I'm glad he checked on you.”

“You sniffed, didn't you. Not mad?”

Garrus tried to laugh a little. “Babe, you're human. You do the hug thing like we do mandibles. Sure yours has more contact and scent sharing, but it's not always intended to be intimate that way. I get that. Don't worry.”

“Good. Because I'm never giving up a friend for that, you know.”

“Wouldn't ask you to.”

“Good.”

“Might not hug Chellick often. Still a sore spot.”

Shepard snickered against him. “Oh, fine. He's a great hugger, though.”

“I'm sure. He's _experienced_ ,” Garrus joked, but he rubbed his chin over her head. “Wanna open your present?”

Shepard stepped back out of his hold as he bent and lifted the box back up. She eyed the packaging closer and found it had been neutrally wrapped to cover logos. “Gun?”

“More than that.”

She tried to rip the paper but couldn't get a grip with her gloves. Garrus smiled and took a glove off, easily slicing the covering off with a talon. Shepard noted a logo on the side and opened the box, oohing a little at the inside. A brand new, but upgraded Carnifex pistol sat inside with some ammunition, and to the side were two bags of water. She bent her face a little and laughed as she saw the fish darting around inside. “You bought me fish?”

“You need more. That tank looks sad.”

“Well thanks.” Shepard smiled as he shut the box. “Sweet of you.”

Garrus smiled. “I wanted to make you feel better. I know it's felt overwhelming lately with things.”

“You're great.”

“Glad you like.”

Thane came out of a nearby hallway and caught their attention. Shepard quickly brought him up to speed on how she got C-Sec to handle the consequences, and the assassin looked so visibly relieved that Shepard hugged him. “Kolyat going to be okay? Are you?”

“We...are going to talk more via net and omni-tool while I'm gone. Any chance we get to resupply here I will come visit. I...am hoping we can get past some things with time,” Thane answered and released a deep breath. “Shepard, your help today...without it...I might have done the unthinkable. My own training would let me, would override my own love of family for my soul to pay the price.”

Shepard frowned and gestured for him to follow her to the docking area, Garrus behind her with the box. “Thane....”

“That is part of it, Shepard. But it didn't come to that. Thank you.” Thane exhaled as they passed security to leave. “I expect he will resent me for some time.”

“Probably. But he's what, a teenager or young adult? Supposed to be moody. He'll get past it,” Garrus offered.

“A young adult by our standards.” Thane turned and nodded firmly at the words, then thanked him for his help with Bailey before, getting a soft, “No problem,” in response.

Shepard glanced to them as they waited to be taken to the correct docking port for the ship. Garrus smiled at her over the box. “Shepard treats her team like individuals. Like people who matter because they do. You'll always have support, Krios.”

“So I've noticed,” Thane replied and gave Shepard a small smile.

“Oh shut up. I just do the right thing.”

“Exactly, _Siha_.”

Shepard smirked at Garrus. “Is it killing you at not being able to punch him for that sexy sounding word because you're holding a gun and some fish?”

“I'm...getting used to it,” her boyfriend grudgingly admitted, pointedly ignoring Thane's smirk as they boarded into decontamination, all three of them ready for a hot meal and some R and R.

 

  
  


 


	53. A F*ckload of Husks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for late update; I had to fly for a wedding while doing commissions. It's been a busy past two weeks.   
> [I hate flying.]
> 
> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> Mass Effect copyright to Bioware.  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

 

 

If he could grind his teeth the way he'd seen her and Jacob Taylor do for months now, he absolutely would. The closer they drifted into the Thorne system and the brown dwarf Mnemosyne to their target destination, the more on edge he felt. Garrus paced the battery, then the cargo, then her damn cabin, entirely wary of being so close to a Reaper, even if it _was_ considered derelict.

Garrus followed her down to the private team meeting where she weighed in opinions on the coming mission in the communications room.

Miranda seemed of mind that they should get in, get the IFF and find out any reasons for the Cerberus blackout as quickly as possible, and get out. Jacob agreed, adding that whichever team members went should be prepared for anything just in case; no violence had been reported before the blackout, but with the silence, they had no idea what they were walking into with the situation.

Jack replied with a very loud, “Fuck that, grab the stupid stick and go, Shepard.”

Garrus _wholeheartedly_ agreed. So did Grunt with a fist to his other palm, more than eager to get the IFF and get to the real enemy through the relay.

Mordin and Zaeed looked to one another across from him, Goto snickered beneath her hood, and Thane stayed silent and stood straighter. Tali observed Shepard as Garrus did, both of them concerned.

It was Samara who took control of the room by asking one question. Garrus watched Shepard adjust to give the asari her full attention with respect, and Samara bowed her head as the rest quieted down.

“I have heard about the indoctrination theory surrounding the Reapers, Commander. Is this true?”

“I believe so, yes. We had examples in Saren and Matriarch Benezia's behavior, let alone possibly others.”

“And...could this effect not be limited to an active state within the Reaper's functionality?” Samara pressed again.

Garrus locked his jaw, mandibles tight to his face right as Shepard herself _did_ grit her teeth together and curse. He shook his head, nervous and not liking it. “My credits are on _that_ being exactly _why_ everything's gone dark.”

Shepard's green eyes swept the room, settled on his firmly, and she nodded. “Likely. Okay, people, I want everyone on standby in case there's a nasty mess inside with indoctrination...or worse.”

“Worse?” Jacob asked, brow rising.

“Where there's Reapers, Jacob, there are husks,” Shepard muttered and stormed out of the room to change and grab her guns.

The rest of the team looked to one another in a moment of silence at the disturbing warning, and Garrus felt fire smolder in his gut. He walked to the door next, pausing to call over his shoulder once, “Whoever goes down there with her...you bring her back. We owe her reliability into the unknown. Prove to her we can do this relay.”

“Damn right,” Zaeed grunted. “She may not have gotten Vito with me, but I'm tracking him more and more each day for when we get back after this mess. She still did what she did and didn't leave my arse to die.”

Grunt jerked his head. “Nobody's touching Shepard, turian. Not while I get to charge them down for fun.”

Garrus rolled his eyes once, but felt some relief as Miranda settled the rest down and told them to finish preparing for Shepard's pings.

Mordin merely smiled in a very sly way as he passed Garrus's side, and Jack as she came around gave him a friendly (for her) punch to the shoulder.

“I know what you're up to, _lovebird_ ,” Jack snickered as the door hissed in its closing. “I got her back. Don't fuckin' worry.”

Garrus stared with a smirk on his mandibles as she walked into the armory, hearing Tali's little giggle from behind him.

 

 

 

\------------------

 

 

“Got enough biotics, Shepard?” Joker asked in her comm as they stepped into docking.

Shepard rolled her eyes in her helmet. “You're gonna be real glad I have them if there's a mass of Cerberus husks in there.”

“True. Just, ah, hurry, okay? Feel like my baby's getting a damn STD hooked up to this thing so close.”

“Agreed,” she sighed and stomped forward, pistol raised and free hand held to catch everyone's attention at the slightest sound.

Samara, Jack, and Thane followed her inside the tube and into the part of the lab where Cerberus had clearly been at work: datapads, mugs, holo-screens and food wrappers everywhere. They passed a few terminals, and Shepard let EDI scrub and forward anything on them at Miranda's directive in her comm.

Honestly, Shepard figured if the idiots hadn't taken precautions if any existed against indoctrination, then Cerberus ended up with what it deserved in its arrogance. Still, though, she imagined Miranda wanted the information more so for further study than anything to write off on expenses.

“Okay,” Shepard paused after hearing a recording of a doctor speak about listening to some specimens aboard. “So they were stupid.”

“Figures,” Jack grunted, pumping her shotgun.

“Now people, in case of husks I want escape routes here and here,” Shepard spoke, hands gesturing to her sides and front and behind. “Like an old plane, yeah? Keep one pathway clear at all times for retreat or run.”

Thane nodded seriously as did Samara.

“That means I want you doing throw waves, Thane, and Samara, do anything you have to so we're not overwhelmed. Reave down anything that doesn't drop with a bullet.”

“And me?” Jack asked, brow cocked and lined eyes intrigued with excitement.

Shepard grinned. “ _You_ clear the way.”

Jack grinned, too. “Sometimes you're the fuckin' best, Shepard.”

“I try. All right, let's go. Remember, if you start hearing any odd scratching noises, whispers, or buzzing, you have to say something. We are taking a huge risk going in here, and there's little we can do to shield against it. I've no doubt it's still active, whether as a last line of defense before the Reaper stopped functioning or something triggered by Cerberus staff,” Shepard warned the team and checked the ammo on her gun. “Let's go.”

“On your mark,” Samara agreed and raised her rifle.

Thane glanced down the body of his sniper rifle and nodded.

Shepard smirked as Jack took point, shotgun up and ready. “Joker, we're going in. Stay in easy contact.”

“Roger. Garrus says watch your ass since he can't.”

The snort from one bald, tattooed bad bitch said the double meaning of the words was heard by all and well received.

They entered the airlock into the actual Reaper, and Shepard immediately felt a pulse rock everything around them. The team stumbled slightly as Shepard called for Joker, furious. “What the fuck was that?” she asked.

“Uh. So. It put up...yeah, that's a kinetic barrier.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning...you're stuck for the moment inside. EDI says you have to bring it down.”

Shepard considered kicking the wall, but kept the frustration inside. “All right, EDI, how do I do that?”

“You'll have to destroy the mass effect core, Commander,” EDI stated over the somewhat scratchy comm. “It is vital to leave as soon as you do, though. Without extraction, you will fall with the Reaper carcass down into the brown dwarf. The core has kept it free from the gravity's influence.”

Jack spun around on her heel, gun safely turned away from Shepard's front. “Are you _shitting_ me?”

“Sorry folks. Sounds like this just got complicated,” Shepard grumbled and motioned forward. “Keep going, Jack. Hopefully we walk through, grab the IFF, blow the core, and get aboard _Normandy_. In that order.”

“No promises,” Jack murmured ahead of them, gun ready once more.

Shepard kept them going across a catwalk, Thane around her nine to six, Samara her three to six, both of them very quiet and rarely blinking to disrupt the strange sense of unique calm each held inside. The atmosphere inside the Reaper was entirely haunting. It felt as though they were walking inside of a ghost's path that was aware of them and preparing to shake them from its possessive home.

Hair stood on the back of her neck even under her suit. Green eyes darted everywhere at shadow play on the wall. Jack called nearby when another Cerberus terminal was found, and Shepard forwarded the audio to Miranda, hearing her second-in-command confirm the reception.

“Wait. Did that guy just say it was _his_ wife being remembered? How'd they both remember the same wife?” Jack asked, scrunching her face. “This is fucked, Shepard.”

“It's what they do, Jack. They get in your head. Stay you.”

“No problem.”

A minute later down the ramp past some crates, they all froze hearing the groan.

Shepard motioned backwards and they all retreated slightly, waiting, each set of eyes moving around to spot where the assault would come from. Thane tapped Shepard's shoulder and pointed past her nose. There, further ahead around the split ramps and the Reaper's inner structure and Cerberus crated equipment were three husks climbing the sides of the flooring: two blue normals and one of those red nasty bastards.

“Blow him,” Shepard whispered to Thane, bending to a knee to give him a clear shot over her.

Thane took a breath, the husks groaned in sync again, and Shepard heard the suppressed sound of the bullet flying past. A second later the abomination erupted, taking out the legs of one husk next to it and entirely blowing up the second one closer by.

The level of noise drew more groans and even screams, and Shepard hissed, backing them up farther. “Samara, go to the right. Thane, take left and watch our backs. I'll stay here. Jack, don't you dare let any of them come past the narrow exchange in front of us.”

“On your order,” Samara complied and quickly walked around the center pole.

Shepard felt Thane adjust behind her silently, and Jack slung her gun back to her hip, raised her palms, and lit up nearly as blue as Samara herself.

“Bring it, fuckers,” Jack snapped as the groaning grew louder and more husks climbed the sides, then ran around crates near the end of the ramp ahead of them.

Shepard shot for heads she saw closest to Jack's sides to keep her clear. Thane took out two husks on the far end. Samara blew up an oxygen tank that destroyed a second abomination as it climbed the ramp rapidly. And Jack went all out, unleashing her mighty power in waves that threw husk bodies to smack and splat and burst against the Reaper's walls.

Jack was still glowing by the time the last torso plopped with a disgusting, yet satisfying sound to the crates from its recent spot smashed against the ceiling. The groans had stopped for the time being.

Shepard tapped her elbow to Jack's with a proud nod, catching the look of similar approval sent back.

They regrouped, formed up their previous positions and continued carefully with the knowledge of husks being more than a possibility on the ship.

“Joker, we have husks confirmed. Just be advised.”

“Will relay, Shepard. Be careful.”

Shepard nodded to herself before subsequently firing a round and popping the head of a husk that had been climbing atop crates to Jack's left and was hoping to leap down upon the biotic.

Another precious five minutes lost to a dozen or so husks, and Shepard was ready to snap, pushing the group harder to get through and out.

One other gunshot was heard, and Shepard quickly looked behind her at Samara and Thane.

“Not us,” Thane murmured, eyes hidden behind his red goggles.

“We are not alone, people,” Shepard snapped and gestured. “Husk shot. Might be friendly, maybe a scientist or security left. Let's find out.”

Jack reloaded her shotgun and kept going, the group closely behind her.

More time was lost as a scion stepped into the mix near another terminal with audio she'd forwarded about headaches and visions of gray things. Samara quickly whittled the armor down with Shepard's incineration techniques while Jack and Thane dispatched more husks trying to distract them from the big blue ugly fucker.

They slid to a stop when Shepard did, though, her eyes bulging at the sight of the Dragon's Teeth sticking out of some flooring by one last terminal.

The scientist this time called it a dead god dreaming, influencing through force and impressions. And Shepard, regardless of how eerie his word choices were, found she could sympathize with the poor guy.

Slowly she paused in front of the spikes, horror and fury rising inside her as the memories of Eden Prime began to fight their way into her mind via intrusive thinking.

She wished she had a grenade to blow the damn things up. She supposed dropping the entire bastard of a Reaper into a planet was the next best (and more fun) option, though.

“They use these to make the husks, correct?” Samara asked quietly.

Shepard exhaled as she shoved the memories away. Her voice was empty. Hollow. “Yes. They impale you, inject you with _something_ , clearly, and you change. You change, you try to kill your friends, and you die something inhuman.”

“Come, _Siha_ ,” Thane gently spoke, hand on her arm.

Shepard caught the very brief, almost entirely hidden look of concern in Jack's eyes and realized as she turned away that she must have seemed very strange for that moment of reflection; she felt cold and pale behind her suit, her green eyes duller somehow to her knowledge.

They exited another airlock, shocked to find themselves partially outside and grateful now for the kinetic barrier keeping them safely grounded on the exposed part of the Reaper's pathways. Thane shouted at the groan behind them, and Shepard covered her face when she heard the shots, yelling for the team once the firing started.

A few husks dropped around them. Shepard lowered her gun arm, open mouthed behind her helmet as a geth stood up on the path ahead of them and snapped its sniper rifle on its back.

Green eyes quickly roamed the geth figure, rounding upon a piece of armor welded to its front with a large hole in part of it and the AI still moving around. The armor piece was black, and it had the _N7_ logo her old armor had...that her current armor still did, with her side missions reporting to Hackett still.

“What the—” she began, mouth dropping.

“Shepard-Commander,” the geth spoke with a mechanized voice, bowed its flashlight head, and continued on its way.

“Hold up!” Shepard yelled while Samara wondered aloud why a geth would be aboard a derelict Reaper shooting husks.

“We might be able to catch up to it if we move quickly,” Thane interjected, swapping out for his pistol. “But I hear more husks. Possibly scions.”

Shepard shook her head, fed up. “Jack, destroy anything you see. Use anything around us—tanks, whatever. Samara, focus on scions. Thane, keep abominations down! I'll cloak and keep an eye on the front. We go forward, up if we have to so we can catch our breath, and down. Don't let them overwhelm you!”

All three responded readily, guns already firing with the moans and slaps of husk feet on the platforms. Shepard had to fight a moment to stay inside her head, to not feel like she was back on Noveria with a timer, a stretch full of rachni, and a barely stable elevator carrying she, Liara, and Garrus to safety.

With a forceful mental shove, she pushed into one husk, popping its head and kicking another before cloaking out. Shockwaves of biotics rocked the paths around them as Jack unleashed. A distant coming scion screeched from Samara's intensity bearing down upon it. One abomination that climbed up too close to Shepard's location was flung from the platforms with Thane's help into the side of the kinetic barrier, blowing up there.

She kept going. Had to. She had to know why a geth was here, why it was wearing what her _gut_ told her was part of her own fucking armor, and why it _knew her name_. Why it _spoke_. The IFF's importance was there in the back of her mind, but something told her this event was just as important—just as historical and costly to mishandle.

Thane took a second to recover as they cleared up to a far platform and shifted to look left to another path. Shepard eyed him in concern, her hand on his shoulder, but he told her he was fine.

“The core is through there, Commander,” EDI advised. “We will bring the ship here, to this location, once the barrier drops. You will have moments to run to us.”

“Any other cheery advice?” Shepard asked while Jack huffed to her right.

“Do not die, please.”

“At least she's consistent,” Shepard sighed.

Once Thane caught his breath, they all ran for the other room, dispatching of a handful of husks that had belatedly climbed up the sides there, too.

Shepard entered one last airlock and grabbed the device sitting on a table nearby. “Gotcha, you stupid stick.”

“Shepard!” Jack called and jerked open a pocket on the side of her pant leg. The biotic caught the throw and stuffed the IFF into the pocket, securing it and bringing her gun up again as Shepard turned to face the team.

“We blow this thing, kill the geth if it makes a move, and we _go_. No time for arguing. No time for debates. Ready?”

“Ready,” all three said at once.

Shepard punched the switch nearby, opened the door into the core's room, and went up first. Awed by the sight of the bright core beautifully held in the back, Shepard nonetheless pulled the strange beam weapon Garrus had snagged off a Collector on Horizon and prepared to use it.

Movement caught her attention, and Shepard jerked forward just as she saw the geth from before near the core, shooting one or two husks away from it. She tried to shout to warn it of the geth from the other side climbing too closely, not thinking too hard about _why_ she wanted to help, but the geth was struck and crumpled to the floor.

“Hopefully it's not entirely out of commission. You three keep those fuckers off of me while I try to blow this thing!”

Shepard stayed toward the back for a clear line of sight straight at the core and powered up the huge gun, shooting the plasma beam right into the only source of power keeping the Reaper afloat in space. She held the shot for as long as possible, hoping the gun would stay powered. What she hadn't counted on, however, was the core's protective cover sliding shut.

“Fuck! Fuck, fuck! Oh, you had _better_ open back up,” she growled and threw out some incineration to take down a husk from her right.

Samara and Thane kept waves of husks from fully climbing up the sides. Jack was down the ramps to the right, annihilating everything in front of her. Shepard bit her lip, worried about the sheer amount of energy Jack was expending; if she didn't replenish fast, Jack would crash and be unconscious.

Shepard kept tossing out back up tech to support the squad, waiting for that iris-like core to peek open, and the second it did she shot the beam again, holding it steady.

The pattern repeated for a few minutes, and each successive second had her beyond terrified that they weren't going to make it. Samara grunted loudly as one husk managed to slip past Thane and leaped onto her back, grabbing at her head. Shepard shot it with her pistol, and left Thane to clear the rest as he caught back up by throwing several husks against the wall and cutting them in halves.

Jack hoarsely shouted and socked one husk in the face with her glowing fist. She was dropping fast, exhausted, and Shepard blew two more husks apart as they came for the wavering biotic.

“Jack, retreat up here! Make them run for it! I'm almost done!” Shepard called and fired the plasma beam gun one last time as the eye of the core opened. Her voice caught in her throat, and the frustrations, the fears, and the determination poured out of her into a loud scream. The sound pushed forward with the beam, as if empowering it with her will, and the core exploded.

The Reaper's body shook and grumbled. Husks stopped climbing up. Jack's hands went to her knees as she tried to breathe. Samara and Thane ran to them, each with scrapes on skin and tears in their armor.

Shepard ran toward the core as EDI and Joker simultaneously started talking in her comm. She took one look at the geth with its broken  _N7_  chest and made her decision. “Thane!”

“Yes, Shepard?” he asked, running up to her.

“Help me grab this thing. We're going.”

“You're certain that is wise?” Samara questioned. “After the events of the _Alarei_....”

“It's powered down. We don't have to power it up right away, so we can figure out what to do with EDI to control the situation. Now move!”

Together they ran back out through the airlock to the larger pad in the partial exterior. Grateful for her helmet to breathe, Shepard hoofed it with Thane next to her, each carrying an arm of the geth over their shoulders. Jack and Samara kept the area in front of their feet clear of husks that were still groaning, and Shepard barely jumped over one new scion's blast.

The _Normandy_ pulled up as they neared the edge, its docking door to the airlock sliding open. Jack jumped into the air and landed inside, Samara after her in an almost gazelle-like leap of grace. Shepard shoved Thane forward and tossed the geth after him, watching them sail together into the airlock before she, too, pushed off her heels, barely avoiding the grabbing hands of an abomination.

She landed inside, felt Jack haul her to her feet after she crashed into the geth's metal body.

“Go! Joker, we're in!” she screamed over the comm, jolting to the side as the ship took off with the Reaper carcass destabilizing and falling.

They remained stuck by the airlock until the ship stopped farther out. Everyone was panting, heads tilted back to the walls with the geth on the floor between their feet. The airlock opened, they dragged themselves inside for decontamination, and the moment the inner door opened by the cockpit, Garrus stormed over, turian blues on _fire_.

Shepard swallowed as Garrus stomped past Jack, Samara, and Thane and pulled Shepard into his chest, holding her tightly with the armor.

“I said _watch your ass_ , babe. Damn it, that was close.”

“I did my best, Garrus,” Shepard murmured soothingly, smiling behind her helmet as her three team members watched with matching raised brows. “I had some _good_ help in there.”

Garrus grumbled under his breath, but let her go with a hand on her waist. “I know. That kept me sane. And, uh...what's this?”

Shepard chuckled as he awkwardly poked the geth on the floor with his foot. “That, Garrus, is an anomaly.”

“Looks geth to me.”

“It's wearing armor, hon. _N7_ armor, to be precise. And it spoke.”

“Spoke?” Garrus asked, surprised.

“Yeah,” Jack muttered, following the others as Samara and Thane passed Joker with greetings. “Called her 'Shepard-Commander' or something like that.”

Garrus laughed. “About time you were famous, even among geth. We've shot plenty of 'em.”

“It's just weird, Garrus. Joker, have Miranda find a safe place to store it. I don't want it torn apart. It's unique. It helped us. And I want to know why,” Shepard ordered softly, in a tone that meant no backtalk, while she stared over the deactivated geth.

“We'll figure it out,” Garrus assured her with a kiss to the side of her head as she removed her helmet. “But you need a shower first.”

“Oh, bite me.”

“Hey now. Didn't say you needed to shower _alone_. You're exhausted.” Shepard grinned as Garrus sent her a sensual glance and held a hand out. “After _you_ , A.”

“Smooth. You're getting smoother,” she teased, red hair falling in one green eye, and rosy cheeks warming with a laughing smile.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continued romance arc/Vakarian family/Shadowbroker and Arrival DLC to be in a "2.5" Volume between this and Volume 3. Just a heads up as we wind to the Collector base.


	54. Acceptance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> Mass Effect copyright to Bioware.  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

 

 

“Tali, I know what you're thinking,” Shepard began as she sat down to dinner in the mess with the quarian sliding across from her, bright eyes behind the helmet quite round and visual. “But I gotta.”

“ _Shepard_.”

“ _Tali_.”

“Shepard, look what my father thought he could do—thought he could contain. How is this any safer? How is having an AI already on board not a _further_ risk?”

Shepard scooped some rehydrated mashed potato flakes into her spoon and stuck them in what she hoped was gravy Gardner had made fresh. “Because I have faith in EDI to protect herself from _Reapers_ , let alone a single geth.”

“Though I am cautious about this task as well, I can assure you Tali'Zorah that risks will be calculated as much as possible and precautions taken,” EDI replied over their heads from the mess comm. “I will do as Shepard orders. I trust the Commander's judgment.”

Shepard smiled to herself over her plate.

Tali crossed her arms, shaking her head side-to-side. “Okay, for argument's sake, say it works. Say you activate it, it _doesn't_ attempt to overwhelm us or hack the ship and EDI...then what?”

“Then I ask some questions.”

“Like?”

“Like why it's wearing that armor. How it knew my name. Or, y'know, how it _spoke_ in a way that wasn't all mechanical and screechy.”

“Hm,” Tali murmured as she relaxed a little more. “That is strange, yes. _Keelah_ , I hate that I'm curious enough to almost agree with this.”

Shepard grinned and cut into her chicken portion. “Yeah. Exactly.”

“I still say it's better to turn it over, if you want it researched,” Miranda called as she passed their table heading toward the coolers for a drink. “Let Cerberus handle it, Commander. We are rapidly approaching our mission's point.”

Tali bristled, if the sudden posture change in her seat was any indication to Shepard. “I'd rather even _Xen_ take it over them, Shepard.”

“And I'd rather none of that. If I gotta go childish on it, I will. Said my name, has armor like mine, saved my ass. _Mine_ ,” Shepard grunted and smirked when Miranda shook her long black hair and snorted as her second walked back to her office.

Her quarian friend pushed out of the chair with a sigh. “Then I hope it doesn't backfire, Shepard. Just be careful.”

“Always, Tali,” Shepard reassured her, warm green eyes following the quarian as she moved to go back to engineering.

Goto appeared by the fridge, grabbed something out of it, and turned when Shepard stared with her brows up. Kasumi laughed. “What? Don't tell Jacob,” she hissed, then vanished with some sort of private ration in hand.

“I'm surrounded,” Shepard snickered to herself.

She finished her meal, wiped her mouth, and deposited her dishes appropriately with a thanks to Gardner. Exhausted from the adrenaline crash, she entered the medbay tiredly and waited for Dr. Chakwas to look her over, as Chakwas often demanded to do after any deployment.

“Stretched ligament, but it's healing fine with the muscle weave. Cybernetics operating normally.”

“You almost sound disappointed, Doc.”

“Easier to strap you to a bed and make you rest if there's something I can claim is wrong enough,” Chakwas teased, tapping notes away into her computer at the desk. “How much nightly sleep are you getting? The same?”

“Yeah. Four to five hours.”

“Not enough, Commander.”

“All I _can_ get. I try for more than that and I wake up feeling very out of it.”

“I'd like to monitor your sleep. See how much consistent rest you're _actually_ getting each night,” the doctor offered, hands moving windows around on the holo-screen. “Perhaps find a medicine you can take to help.”

Shepard exhaled and pushed off the bed she'd been sitting upon. “I appreciate the thought, but...it may not matter soon.”

Chakwas paused, hand in the air.

Neither spoke for a moment, until Shepard gave into the motherly concern there in the doctor's softer green eyes. “Fine,” she murmured. “I'll talk to Chambers tomorrow or something.”

“Please do,” Chakwas replied, then pushed her chair back a little. “I worry about you, Shepard.”

“I appreciate it.”

“You need not be the only ox under the yolk, for you are not. We're all here. Let us carry a bit of the weight when we can,” the doctor said, smiled, and turned back to her desk. “Take five minutes, Shepard. It won't kill you, I promise.”

Shepard closed her eyes and tried to release some of the tension that kept her neck feeling tight all the time, stress that literally weighed her shoulders down each day. It wasn't easy. She wasn't _used_ to sharing _her_ burdens—just used to taking on those of others. And she knew deep down that it wasn't due to some complex or ego thing, but merely because she'd grown up in an atmosphere of “can-do” and “take charge” thinking.

“EDI,” Shepard spoke, glancing to the AI core's door.

“Yes, Commander?” EDI asked in turn, voice soft.

“We'll activate it tomorrow, you and me.”

“Very well.”

“And EDI?” Shepard questioned, walking from the medbay back toward the elevator to go to her cabin.

“Yes, Shepard?”

Shepard looked up at the camera she knew was hidden in the elevator and smiled. “Thanks, girl. For having belief in me and keeping us safe.”

The lens twitched, almost like an eye searching back and forth in a moment of silent emotion. And then EDI replied just as Shepard stepped out to her quarters with a soft and kind, “You're welcome, Commander.”

 

 

 

\------------------------

 

 

Garrus woke groggily from a strange dream of husk dancers in Chora's Den. He didn't want to know, so he didn't question his brain and just let it slide past him while his blue eyes fluttered open. Red hair shined in the low lights in front of his eyes, and Garrus's gaze warmed and softened like it always did around her in such quiet times.

He felt her shift in his arms when her alarm went off, and he waited until she quieted the sound before pulling her closer and nuzzling into her neck and hair.

“Mm,” she hummed sleepily. “Hi.”

“Hi,” he teased, tongue slipping out to lick along her skin.

The little moan in her throat teased his senses, and his nose quickly picked up the change in her scent. Excited, Garrus kissed the back of her head and slid one of his palms down her side to her hip, anchoring there.

Shepard sighed and arched her back, rubbed her amazing ass right into his hard groin. Garrus groaned, readily pushing against her for more friction and wondering to himself if they had enough time for what she'd referred to before as “a quickie.”

“You think we can—”

“Commander, I do not wish to disturb, but your mother is attempting a call,” EDI spoke from her holo-form near the door.

Garrus froze, the question caught in his throat and his cock aching. “ _Fuck_ ,” he grunted.

Shepard chuckled and kissed his hand as she pulled it up and off of her. “C'mon. Come say hi.”

“In what, the _nude_? Even retracted, that seems like a bad idea.”

“Obviously not, Garrus. Put your pants on, hon. It's just Mom.”

“Yeah. It's just _your mother_ , someone I want to oh, I don't know, _impress_.”

To be fair, despite Shepard's reassurances, Garrus was a bit worried about her mother's approval of them; Hannah had long approved them dating, but they were getting _serious_ now. He just wasn't so sure if Hannah Shepard would still be okay with the possible implications of that later on.

Shepard got up from the bed, yanked a robe on, and threw his pants at him. When he managed to get them on and zipped up, erection and mood long since gone thanks to EDI's interruption, his girlfriend urged him closer to the desk, and he slid an arm about her shoulders, glancing up to see Hannah Shepard smiling as the call connected.

There were so many parts of his Shepard in that face, and it was wild to him to see the traits passed on so clearly: forehead and chin, lip shape and the glint to the eyes.

“Well, looks like I called at either a great time or a very bad one.”

“We just woke up, Mom,” his Shepard explained, sounding much brighter now with her mother there.

Garrus swallowed and awkwardly laughed. “Um. Hi, Mrs. Shepard.”

“Hannah, Garrus. Just Hannah.”

“Hi, Hannah.”

“So...sleeping together, huh.”

Garrus briefly closed his eyes, talons rubbing into Shepard's shirt on her shoulder. “I...forgive me, but Fate hasn't seemed very...happy with us not, ah...just doing what we want, so....”

Hannah nodded in understanding, a smile on her lips as she shook the yellowy hair from her face. “It's all right, Garrus. My daughter's a grown woman. She can handle herself, and I trust her judgment...and my own. I think you're a fine turian gentleman, and you've obviously cared for Athena for some time.”

“I, ah...yeah. I have,” Garrus admitted and rubbed his mandible against Shepard's cheek, smiling to himself when she rubbed back. “Your daughter entirely changed my life.”

“Mine, too. She was a shore leave baby, but we were very happy to have her,” Hannah said calmly, then chuckled as Shepard gaped and shook her head.

His girlfriend made an odd noise with her mouth. “You never told me _that_ , Mom.”

“Oh, Athena, give me something. This is a relationship I can feel like a real mother about, and I'm excited for you both.”

“Fine, Mom.”

“So, how are you two? How's your mission? I just...I had a feeling last night that it was getting closer to a deadline,” Hannah said, and Garrus felt the temperature around the room chill even without the human woman sitting in person across from them. The look on Shepard's mother's face grew quite serious then. “Are you prepared, Athena?”

“As much as I can be. I've got a few minor details to iron out, and then...and then we do the run. I've made sure to square my people away with last minute considerations. I've asked everyone to have a last will and testament on file. And I've asked them to forward instructions they may have to any loved ones in case.”

Garrus looked away, gut irritating him. He'd updated his will, as she'd asked them to do—even included her _in_ it as his significant other to inherit anything he had if she survived. But he hadn't talked to his family yet. Hadn't really this entire time, too busy and too terrified to have the conversation he knew could either make or break the remaining ties he had with them.

“What can you tell me?” Hannah asked softly.

Shepard adjusted in the chair to sit on one of her folded legs. “I can tell you that I'm taking us through the Omega-4 Relay. I can't tell you what's on the other side yet as I don't know. I can tell you I'm going to kick Collector and possibly Reaper ass if I can once I'm through, should I survive that far. I can't tell you if we'll make it back out of the relay a second time.”

Where some mothers might have panicked or lost it by this point, Hannah Shepard didn't. Garrus watched her blue eyes, a strange shade different from his own, rest upon them heavily through the vid call as she internally calculated risks and meanings and hopes.

“I assume I will have a way of knowing the outcome of this,” was all the other Shepard said, voice as firm as her daughter's was known to get at times.

“Yeah, Mom. I've got it set so if my vitals stop for more than ten minutes, you should get an email. EDI's got a sort of small portion of things backed up and linked in case. Not saying it may not glitch out or stop working entirely once we get through the relay, but yeah. My...'boss' said he'd forward any notices himself in case of failures or deaths in recovery, but I'm not as sure.”

“I wouldn't be, either, knowing what I do about him—which isn't much.”

“Not much more than we know, to be honest,” Garrus interjected with a shrug. “Right now it's work with what we've got. Unfortunately, he's what we have.”

“I understand. Less protocol, less bureaucratic crap, less chain-of-command to deal with comparatively, let alone Alliance finances and being unlikely to ever back something like this,” Hannah replied and rubbed her brow. “I just want you both to know I hope you're successful—and safe. Together.”

“We'll do our best, Mom,” Shepard softly said below him, her hand coming up to cover his on her shoulder.

“Yeah. You can count on that. Got, um...got a lot to live for,” Garrus murmured and leaned to briefly nuzzle Shepard's head. He blew out a breath and looked back up. “Hannah, I just...wanted to thank you.”

“For what, Garrus?” Shepard's mother asked, a puzzled smile greeting him.

He smiled back briefly. “For accepting us. Me. For...understanding.”

Hannah Shepard wiped one of her blue eyes and nodded, gaze darting on the screen between the two of them at Shepard's desk. “You love my daughter. That's what matters. I wish...I wish you could have a simpler existence. That all you'd ever worry about was what restaurant's menu you'd be able to share. Instead you both have this monumental responsibility, and I'm going to do all I can Alliance-side to help. Heaven knows I've been a thorn in a few sides over this to keep peace and protect your reputations with Cerberus hanging over your names.”

“Thanks, Mom,” Shepard sighed, grateful. “We wish that, too.”

“Are you kidding? Even if we both worked C-Sec and lived in a place on the Citadel, it'd be a vacation,” Garrus joked, enjoying his girlfriend's laugh.

“So you both do your best to stay safe. Garrus, have you told your family yet?”

Garrus winced, feeling Shepard do something similar on his lap. “Um. Not yet. It's...much harder than talking to you. The clan thing is...different. I mean, Mom should be...good, I think, since she wasn't angry about me admitting I cared for Athena when I was grieving...but Dad? Doubtful.”

“A shame. I hope it turns around for you both. I want Athena accepted as much as I accept you,” Hannah murmured, looking fierce for a second on the screen. “You've been through hell together.”

“And we're about to jump from the pan into the fire,” Shepard grumbled.

Garrus noticed Hannah's quick look of concern as his Shepard glanced away with sad determination. “I'll tell the family before we depart,” he stated, catching both women's attentions. “I'm not ashamed of us, and they should know in case they see my will.”

Shepard smiled worriedly in the corner of his vision. Hannah Shepard gave him the same look of respect she had at the funeral, nodding her head similarly as well.

“I've no doubt you'll win. I just want you to come back.”

“We'll try our best,” Shepard said with a nod. “It's all I can think about anymore.”

“I imagine so. I've got to go, honey, but message me before you use the relay. A video would be nice.”

“Can do.”

Hannah smiled kindly. “Bye, Athena. You too, Garrus. Take care of yourself, not just my daughter.”

Garrus chuckled. “Got it.”

Shepard waved as the connection cut, and then she exhaled loudly and leaned forward, face smashing over her desk repeatedly. Garrus watched her, confused, and slid his hand down to rest over her back.

“Babe?” he pushed, worried.

“Sometimes, Garrus, my life is almost too surreal to handle,” she explained and shoved the chair back a little to stand. “I need a shower. Then I'm going to the AI core and powering that geth up.”

“No breakfast first?”

“Well.”

Garrus kissed her jaw and then her mouth, lifting her up when her arms went around his neck for support. “Breakfast first, woman,” he softly, lovingly, ordered. “That geth can wait a little longer.”

Shepard grunted and let go of him, but paused as she moved to enter the bathroom. “She really likes you, Garrus.”

“Think so?” he questioned, honestly curious.

“Know so,” his girlfriend replied, winked, and shut the door.  
  
  
  


 


	55. Legion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> Mass Effect copyright to Bioware.  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

 

Shoulders were squared. A calm expression was presented. Her mind was firm, but flexible, and ready for whatever the geth might say or do. Her pistol rested on her hip, just in case. Aiming preemptively might trigger self-defense from the geth. Aiming too late might mean her own injuries.

But she'd had real bacon and eggs for breakfast thanks to Gardner's last grab from the Citadel shops, and she was prepared as best she could be.

“I'm ready,” Shepard spoke in the core room, an empty closed off area save for EDI's quantum computation and the currently tech-shielded inactive geth form.

EDI seemed to gather herself in the quiet before she softly said, “Very well, Shepard. Removing barrier. Activating geth platform.”

Shepard's jaw locked unconsciously as the tech shield faded. Her hand rested over the pistol, ready to pull it for a hip shot.

The geth snapped aware; light went on in its traditional flashlight-looking head, and it sat up slowly at first, glancing around as if that light were a giant eyeball. It noticed her standing there quietly and pushed to stand as well, just feet from her.

Shepard held her breath, feeling like people in old vid stand-offs.

“Shepard-Commander,” the geth spoke, addressing her with a tilt of its weird head and flexing of the plates around the light.

Eyebrows, she thought, baffled by it.

“What is your name?” Shepard asked. “You know mine. Tell me yours.”

“We are geth,” it replied easily.

Shepard bit her lip, mind stirring to think like a geth. “Okay. What is the platform before me called, then? What are you? Who are you?”

“We are geth.”

“Christ, this is going nowhere,” she grumbled and blew air out between her lips.

“If I may,” EDI spoke above them, and the geth light darted around, interested. “'My name is Legion: for we are many.' Appropriate, I think, Commander.”

Shepard looked to the geth curiously. “Legion. Can you work with that? I can't just call you geth all damn day. You're clearly...unique.”

“It is acceptable,” the geth, Legion, said.

Green eyes didn't soften much, but she nodded all the same. It had yet to attack her—had yet to even assume any defensive or offensive stance. And it _still_ had that armor on.

“Okay, Legion. First thing's first. Why were you aboard that Reaper?”

“Reaper. Human term for the Old Machines.” Legion's little metal-like flaps around the light moved again, and it stood perfectly still. “We were investigating.”

“Old Machines? Investigating what?” she demanded, brows narrowed and red hair falling down her forehead into one eye. “Are the geth planning some sort of attack again?”

“We want to learn, not attack.”

“But you _did_ attack. A lot.”

“No. We know of the war with the Old Machines and the Heretics. We...this platform was created to go beyond the Veil, to learn about organics.”

“So you're...different from the geth I fought, then?”

“Yes,” Legion answered. “You fought Heretics.”

Entirely puzzled, Shepard tried to focus on the biggest issues at the moment. “How many of you came to learn, then? How many geth are we talking about here?”

“Us,” Legion said.

“As in?”

Legion swept its mechanical arm across its body once.

Shepard snorted, catching herself. “Ah.”

“We are composed of 1,183 geth programs. We reach consensus, are independent, and can speak.”

EDI's voice came through the comms as she stared in contemplation. “The geth are not fully actualized personalities, Commander, unlike AI like myself. They are independent programs uploaded and downloaded into platforms, all working together. This...unit truly is unique as it does not require other platforms near for functionality. It relies on many programs inside of its platform, rather than the few programs normally moving a body requiring the presence of others like it. It is fascinating.”

“Thank you, EDI,” Shepard commented, understanding better.

Legion's light flicked to the wall of tech, brows moving in a way Shepard's mind told her was quiet gratefulness.

“Helpful. Okay, Legion,” she said, taking charge again. “What were you studying on organics besides the fight with the Reapers?”

Legion's light rotated around, like an eye searching a face. “You.”

Shepard's brows went up. “Me?” she asked, astounded.

“Shepard-Commander.”

“Why me?”

“You fought the Old Machines. You fought and survived the Heretics. You are...unique, like us.”

“So you...what, investigated me?”

Legion nodded helpfully, and the little action got a tiny smile out of her. “Eden Prime. Therum. Feros. Noveria. Virmire. Ilos. Uncharted worlds and more. We followed to understand.”

Shepard took her hand off her pistol at her hip and crossed her arms, feeling a little uncomfortable. “Understand what?”

“You.”

“Geth are obsessed with me. Great.” Lips thinned into a flat line. “Okay, you seriously have to give me more than this. Why are you wearing that armor? Is it...mine?”

“We were shot by Alliance on Eden Prime and salvaged the armor on Alchera.”

“So it _is_ mine,” she whispered. Her gut had been correct. A cold chill wracked through her, like that age old human saying of someone walking over your grave—in her case, quite possibly literally. “Why did you choose it?”

Legion's light went out a second, like a blink. The head angled, and its brows gave it a soft, deflective expression. “There was...a hole.”

“A hole. That's all?”

“No data available.”

Shepard pursed her lips, ignoring the thousand questions eating at her brain from the avoidance. She didn't know geth _could_ avoid something like that. Why wouldn't it just answer and be done...unless the choice wasn't something logical, something rational and geth-like in consensus when it was made.

“You are not like other organics we have studied or listened to,” Legion offered when she didn't speak again. “You fought the Old Machines and the Heretics for more than your species, fought even when few others believed you were correct. And with this AI, you are...cooperative and have been seen as such before. Your motivations seem...different.”

“They are,” Shepard drawled, relaxing her arms a little. “EDI has my respect. AI that aren't trying to kill me and have consciousness and try to work toward a common good have my respect. Even geth that don't...what I saw recently on a ship and heard from some folks makes me feel a little more sympathy than I used to for them.”

Legion searched her face again, assessing silently. Shy, almost.

Shepard smiled to herself. “Even _you_ , Legion, have my respect for your aid on that Reaper.”

“Shepard-Commander,” it said, and didn't add anything else. Like it didn't know what to say.

“So, Legion. I'm getting the impression that the geth I fought are not the geth you've come from, right?”

“Correct. The Heretics left the Perseus Veil.”

“Why?”

“Consensus could not be reached. Many programs were not in favor of any aid from Nazara or the Old Machines. There were considerations and suspicions. Those that were supportive...did not stay. We could not reach agreement. Geth do not want war. Heretics did.”

Shepard frowned and put her hands on her hips. “Nazara?”

“Our term for the Old Machine you called Sovereign.”

“Ah, yeah. That bastard,” she said, shaking her head and gritting her teeth. She recalled all _too_ well that Reaper's smug, alien tone when it talked down at her and also that piece of its leg that had almost smashed her to death. “Look, Legion, I won't mince words. This is a delicate situation. I have you on board, and I have a good quarian friend who's not so sure about you being here. I have a suicidal mission we're about to embark on against Collectors, and I don't know what to do with you. Do I let you loose? Are you done investigating and returning to your geth?”

Legion's light winked a few times. “We promise no aggression toward the creator onboard. We would like to assist on the mission.”

Her mouth dropped open. Just a little. “Seriously? Are you crazy? I must be, asking a geth that.”

“We know the dangers the Old Machines pose—not just to organics, but also to our people. Nazara showed us. Recordings and records have indicated possible cooperation between Collectors and the Old Machines. You fight the Old Machines still, and you fight the Collectors. We will follow.”

“So long as you don't fight any of my people, attempt to hack EDI, or shoot me in the back...I guess you can stay,” Shepard said, hoping she wasn't making a grave or fatal error in trusting her intuition on this. Something told her that Legion wasn't dangerous—not to her in a personal sense, at least—and that it wouldn't derail her mission. Besides, having a cooperative geth could mean some serious tech boost to her squad and hacking into alien software beyond the relay if anything happened with EDI in flight.

“We are pleased to cooperate, Shepard-Commander.”

“Stay that way, and we're good.” She moved to leave, one boot in front of the other, but hesitated a moment. “You called Tali a creator when I said there was a quarian on board.”

“Yes. They are our creators,” Legion stated, matter-of-factly.

Boots shifted a little to pace near EDI's set-up. “Does that mean...do you remember the war? Anything about it? Are your people going to attack the quarians?”

Legion froze for a moment, the light steady and the little brow movements halted. And then a haunting sound played, and Shepard could hear a quarian's voice panic as a geth one, not unlike Legion's own mechanized sound, asked the question that Tali had hinted at so long ago: Does this unit have a soul?

“The question that started it all,” Shepard whispered, more so to herself.

“It was asked before, but...that particular instance gave uprise to fear in the creators. There were responses from both sides.”

Shepard stepped closer, close enough that the light was too bright in her face and Legion dimmed it politely. “Are you telling me that...you were defending yourselves and not trying to slaughter the quarians just because of gaining awareness?”

Legion didn't hesitate. It nodded. “Yes.”

“Are you _sure_?”

“Yes.”

“There are always two sides to every story. I can't promise to believe everything I hear, but I can promise to listen,” Shepard softly admitted. Her green eyes darted about Legion's robot body, over that hole in her armor.

She wanted to believe it, wanted to believe something that horrible wasn't done out of murderous AI intention. But, at the same time, it meant just as dark things: that a misunderstanding could have created genocide...and that the quarians may have reacted violently in fear of not being able to thoroughly control the geth themselves.

A headache immediately formed behind her left eye, and Shepard rubbed at her brow while walking away. “I need to go finish up some paperwork and reassure Tali. If you see her, don't argue with her. I don't need _two_ sets of bickering rivals on this ship.”

“Shepard-Commander,” Legion said, stopping her near the door.

“Yes?” she asked, trying to be patient.

“Geth fight Heretics. We fight...ourselves. Organics might serve interest, but are not priority. The Heretics have been developing a virus, one intended to convert all geth into Heretics working under the Old Machines,” Legion spoke, little eyebrows seeming stressed in their own way. “Shepard-Commander...there is danger. It would mean more geth fighting for the Old Machines. It would mean further divide and betrayal of our consensus behind the Veil. It could escalate.”

“Fuck,” she grumbled, almost laughing when the light brightened and the mechanical brows flipped about for a moment. “Well, I'm not about to have a huge geth army bearing down upon us, too. I fought off a huge part of them. They don't need all of you, and the rest of the organics have enough shit to deal with besides that possibly happening, too.”

Legion took a step forward peacefully. “We care about the plight of our people. We can see your care for yours. But could you, Shepard-Commander, care for our plight by itself? Would you help us against this virus?”

“How?”

“There is a hub the Heretics have. Destroying it will destroy the virus housed within.”

Shepard knew she had _enough_ to deal with, but...honestly, she did care. She cared the second she'd seen Legion in her armor calling her by that weird hybrid title name. She cared more hearing about different kinds of geth, and she wondered if by refusing to aid Legion now she would be another agent in a genocide, even if it was an unconventional kind and one not many organic species would care about stopping.

She'd let that Rachni queen go when her gut told her to, hadn't she?

Lip between her teeth, Shepard mulled it over another second, and then she made it simpler: She'd told team members to come to her with personal requests so they'd be mentally clear and ready to hit the relay. Legion had volunteered to be one of those members...so shouldn't it, by definition, have the same right of request?

“Give EDI and Joker the coordinates,” she calmly said, looking that light right in its, uh, eye. “But this had better be clear now—don't lie to me, don't hold information back from me, and stay transparent. I'm not about to be some agent in another civil war. I've got bigger fish to fry, even if I am sympathetic.”

“We understand. Thank you, Shepard-Commander. We will forward information to your AI,” Legion thanked her and bowed its head slightly. “We will remain here, in this room, if you need assistance.”

“Good idea. Less freak out that way,” she muttered, waved goodbye to it, and stepped back into the medbay with her mind fucking blown.  
  
  
  
  
  


 


	56. A Woman Divided, A Commander's Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Very big chapter, heads up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> Mass Effect copyright to Bioware.  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.
> 
> Author's Note of Importance Regarding Chapter:
> 
> This is a novelization attempt of _one_ of my playthroughs and specifically a certain Shepard with her own backstory and ethics shaped by her experiences as such. This chapter is also a pivotal moment as a catalyst for how Shepard will handle the events of the Arrival DLC when rational thought and ethics aren't enough, when time has been taken from her and her hand forced as such in Vol 2.5 after this. And this chapter is also reflective of Legion's progress as well as Tali's into ME3 that possibly is seen depending on choices and reasons in game. Bioware unfortunately has to keep things often binary or linear even in the few options they have, just to keep track of changes and effects. This discounts multiple layered thinking or reasoning and often strips some decisions down to factors that we, as gamers, have to acquiesce with in playing. Writing the story out gives me more room and more layers of character development that we simply internalize in our minds. What they decided was Paragon or Renegade isn't always easily so divided down a line, and _rounded characters_ are not so binary, either.
> 
> So consider this information with the coming end of the game soon and the DLC, let alone the events of ME3. Your playthroughs and your characters' reasonings belong to you, and I'm not writing _them_.
> 
> Thank you, and enjoy the chapter that took me too long to be sure to post. (The site going up and down on me also affected me being able to post, too.) Sorry about the wait. I hope you like the writing and the progress made, and I promise it will all stack and effect and tie together with the third game events as it should. Stay positive, and stay with me. 
> 
> Best regards,
> 
> [the_never_was]

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
En route to the Heretics' Station location nestled within the Sea of Storms of the Phoenix Massing, Shepard sat Legion down with Garrus and Tali both for what was surely one of the most awkward mission prep briefs of her life. The last days of travel had been tightly silent, full of everyone else on the ship giving Shepard the “Well, if you're _sure_ ” look while Tali had needed some time to accept there being a geth on board.

Shepard had understood, of course; she wasn't about to snap at Tali for her reservations with Legion around, and in a way the situation reminded her a little bit of when Garrus had shook his head, uncertain with her decision about sparing the rachni queen on Noveria so long ago.

At least one person was vocal.

“Hey, it's a badass bot. Keep it until it gets out of order, then blow its fuckin' light off. The quarian can pick it for parts. Problem solved,” Jack had told her with a shoulder smack on her way for extra protein snacks two days ago.

There had been mild questioning from both Miranda and the Illusive Man, though the latter, naturally, had been fine with testing out a possible investment in the geth as well, scoping it out for information. Private chats with Garrus at night had helped reinforce the feeling that she'd made the right decision activating Legion, but Jack's give-a-shit-less attitude was still, in its own way, reassuring.

Now she, Garrus, and Tali were all trying to find some means of comfort with their stances inside the AI core: Garrus leaned against a bit of curved paneling to her left, Tali balanced against a railing near EDI's servers, and Shepard kept in the middle with Legion standing exactly where it had before, strangely convenient enough if EDI needed to spring up another barrier.

Shepard didn't like the implication. The unit might be fresh to all of them, but it was willing to go to Collector territory, and it rubbed her wrong inside just enough to not treat even a geth like the rest of the crew doing the same thing. 'Course, it helped that that armor really tugged at her heartstrings more than she should have let it, too.

“I want you to explain to these two brains here what this virus does. That way there's more understanding of the elements of our parameters before we're walking into...whatever we're walking into,” Shepard said, feeling a little weird.

Legion's little brows wriggled as its light looked to Garrus, then Tali. “Shepard-Commander, they are a turian and a creator, respectively, not isolated brain organs.”

Shepard inhaled and smashed her lips together while Garrus chuckled low beside her like the _supportive_ boyfriend he was supposed to be.

Tali crossed her arms impatiently, clearly the most discomforted in the room. “She means we're tech oriented. Engineers if need be. Explain the virus method.”

“The virus operates on the basis of micro-adjustments which cause, with the mass of higher processes, what appears to be small but significant changes to geth conclusions in considerations,” Legion answered, sounding polite enough to Tali.

Garrus rumbled a little, stretching his neck to Shepard's left. “So, in other words, some program runs, and the geth have tiny percent differences in results. That underlying effect builds up.”

“Precisely.”

Tali nodded and brought up her omni-tool.

Shepard stared. “All right. I think I've got the concept, but give me an example.”

Legion blinked at her with its light winking out once, and then it spoke, offering, “Shepard-Commander, propose an equation is run with the virus operable. A normal result of 1.33382 might return instead as 1.33381. The difference is essential and disrupts consensus.”

“Oh,” Shepard replied, nodding and tucking a stray lock of red hair behind her left ear. “One building block is slightly off shape, the rest of the piece can get unstable.”

“Basically,” Tali sighed to her right, shaking her helmet. “You said we should care about this...because you fear the virus spreading to _your_ geth. Shepard, I know we've been considering the past few days what to do, but I _must_ report this to the Admirals. My people _have_ to know how big these geth factions are—that they even _exist—_ and prepare.”

“And let them fly in to exploit this and cause a bigger muck when I'm trying to square us away before the 'big one' in the Omega-4?” Shepard tilted her head sympathetically. “Tali, I can't say I'd ever understand the feelings you have or that your people have—that desperation and distrust—but I can say I am still skeptical about a lot of this. Even so, I'm not taking Legion's help only to refuse him the way I _didn't_ refuse any of you. Maybe there's more to the geth than we ever considered, since there's been a civil split equivalency.”

Tali shoved herself from the rail, looked Legion's almost shy form over with scrutiny. “Even if there was, Shepard, it doesn't undo all the deaths, the loss of our homeworld, or the forced lives in the Fleet.”

“No,” Shepard agreed softly with her friend. “It doesn't. But this information will give _you_ and your people the chance to perhaps change history. Stop cycles of attempts to wipe one another entirely out. The quarians created the geth. Was it only for VI servitude?”

“I cannot speak for my people back then, Shepard,” Tali replied with a sigh over her mic. “But I can attest to the losses and the quality of life.”

Garrus moved closer, head tilted sympathetically toward Tali, too. “Tali, document what you can over the mission and send data afterward. Doesn't compromise what we have to do, and it gets you more info to possibly help you.”

Shepard exhaled between tight teeth. “Legion, does that work for you?”

All three turned to watch the geth blink its light, lift its head, and look over them, too. Legion was quiet for a moment, likely running agreements with all of the geth inside of it, and then it nodded its head once.

“We could...exchange data,” Legion offered softly, looking to Tali.

Tali laughed, and not in a good way. “I'm not giving you anything. I can't trust you won't hurt my people any more than your kind already are.”

Before Shepard could intervene, Legion stepped back. “Then we cannot do the same. Therefore, we will not explain anything on the station more than we must to complete the mission.”

Tali turned and stormed out of the AI Core. Garrus rubbed the good side of his face and patted Shepard's shoulder, muttering as she turned red from frustration, “Just let it go, babe. Let it go for now.”

“Fine,” Shepard grunted, telling Legion to rendezvous when notified.

 

\-----------------------------

  

Garrus knew the bit of tension between Tali and Shepard and also Tali and Legion wasn't going to go away for a while yet, not with them rapidly approaching the Heretic Station and not with the quarian so full of distrust. Hell, he didn't even blame his friend for it...but he also believed in Shepard, in her judgment, and something in his _own_ gut said Legion could _be_ a good ally, given the time and chance. It already had, in a way, onboard the derelict Reaper.

He stood up with Shepard and Legion in the cockpit the closer they drew, both he and his girlfriend curious about the Heretic Station's appearance. It was almost diamond like from a distance, and Garrus frowned when he noticed something—or rather a lack of something.

And even with their stealth systems engaged, Joker had the same thought and concern as Garrus, saying, “Ah, guys? Couldn't they just look out a damn _window_ and see us coming?”

“I don't see any obvious ones,” Garrus murmured his thought aloud.

Legion nodded. “Geth stations lack external windows. They are unnecessary organic measures providing structural weakness.”

Garrus watched Shepard's curiosity shift into something approaching dread, a routine change over her face the last days of traveling with the geth on the team. She'd confessed to being confused with her instincts on it, blaming the _N7_ armor in part, but Garrus had told her to trust herself. It hadn't failed them before.

“Shepard...want me to get Tali?” he asked softly.

Shepard nodded, facing the windows still. And as he turned away, she whispered, “You, too.”

He understood. She needed him.

Garrus pinged Tali and prepared downstairs, double-checking armor before going back up to verify the status of guns with Jacob in the armory. Taylor gave him a quick glance, told him best of luck with the bots, and handed him his rifles.

He found Legion, Shepard, and Tali all in the airlock talking about the lack of breathable air aboard the station (no need, no organics) and the bare amount of gravity (programs housed in servers needed little of that, too). Shepard snapped her helmet on as Garrus did, the tired green eyes catching his and making him worry.

He stood behind Legion and Tali and took Shepard's hand, squeezing it once to reassure them _both_.

They entered the dark, eerie-as-hell station and found nothing but silence that unnerved him, making him want to look around every corner for a hiding geth.

“So how do we blow this thing up?” Shepard questioned as they prepared to go down the nearest hall. “Any ways to not damage _us_ , like a timed explosive?”

Legion processed the query, odd robot brows moving. “Can be overloaded and arranged with central control, yes.”

“Ah.”

“Shepard-Commander,” Legion suddenly spoke as they all moved around the stunned geth.

Shepard turned her helmet to glance back. “What?”

“The...virus, the Reaper adaptation. It is...complete,” Legion informed them, surprised. “Destruction of the station may not be the only solution. We could modify the virus and convert more geth back with us.”

Both Tali and Shepard shifted then, Tali with her shotgun held in an even tighter grip and Shepard's stance looking immediately uncomfortable. Garrus waited as Tali did, both watching Shepard thinking in the silence.

“Legion, are you proposing to _brainwash_ them?” she asked in a tone he knew meant she was being very wary. “Is this not what they'd planned for _your_ people?”

Legion nodded. “It is. We...are uncertain as to if this is a correct course of action, but it would avoid termination. More data is necessary to render judgment.”

Tali scoffed, looking right at Shepard. “And so there _is_ no difference. Geth are geth, Shepard.”

Garrus couldn't help but agree, though geth not wanting to ally with Reapers was better in his book than geth that _did_ want to—definitely better than the geth he spent that time chasing Saren shooting, too.

His girlfriend rolled her shoulders. “Let's just keep going for now.”

Having never been on geth ships before, Garrus was a little bit creeped out by the feel of the design in the halls and rooms, the almost curbed cubic feel at times to things and the subtle inorganic impression it sent through him.

Legion led them down a hall into a room where geth platforms were hooked into a large node, apparently communicating inside the node themselves. Pathways on the flooring were lit like boundaries that would set off alarms, Legion explained, and alert the geth to return to the mobile platforms, separate from the node, and start firing defensively.

Garrus was just thankful that _their_ geth was wearing that armor of Shepard's now, even if it did weird him out to think about it; at least they could tell Legion apart from it all with the hole in its chest and the Widow on its back.

“We need to do something about the node. These geth will be trouble if we don't, especially if one of us trips the alarms. I'm sure there's more,” Shepard sighed and jumped across one bright green line on the floor. “Get into position over there, Garrus. Tali...have your drone out regardless.”

Garrus removed his assault rifle, checked it, and nodded that he was clear. Tali deployed the purple drone, and Legion unsnapped its Widow.

Shepard took a breath, exhaled over the mic, and ordered Garrus to use an Overload spread. He did so, hating the immediate alarm sound as one of the troopers dropped down useless and the other suddenly became as animated as the hunter that tried to cloak itself invisible.

Shepard's pistol quickly made another useless and somewhat floating geth trooper, and Tali's drone distracted the hunter enough for Garrus to use a concussive round that shot the enemy geth right into the butt of the Widow Legion used as a physical defense in close proximity. The hunter broke apart, head busted and arm snapped off before it became inoperable, too.

The alarm was still blaring loud as fuck in his hearing, though, filtered strongly across their mics.

“Turn that shit off, Legion!” Shepard shouted, looking at the node.

Legion moved near her and fired a solid round from the sniper rifle, destroying the node and silencing the grating _wherrrr-wherrr_ over their connections.

“Finally,” Tali grumbled, walking away with a huff.

Shepard kept them going, Legion at her side guiding them onward. They found inactive mounted rocket defense drones in the next hall, and Legion preemptively hacked them, stating, “Other geth are coming to the alarm's response.”

Garrus crouched a bit behind one of the drones with Tali, Shepard up ahead slightly with Legion at the other drone. It almost reminded him of their progress with Wrex during the Battle of the Citadel, and he hoped this would be a lot calmer.

Everyone made sure to stay away from the front of the drones as some geth entered from the hall's corner, a few instantly being flung into the soft gravity from rocket impact. Tali blew out legs of a clever hunter for Garrus to headshot with a stable line of sight, and Shepard swung one of her feet out, tripped another geth as it destroyed the drone covering she and Legion. Legion swapped the Widow out for the assault rifle Shepard had given it before docking and eliminated the final geth as it fell from Shepard's quick thinking.

“Whew,” Shepard breathed, calmer now. She glanced to the still active drone in front of Tali and Garrus with caution. “Ah. That thing might shoot _us_ now.”

Tali stepped back, pumped her shotgun, and exploded the drone with a very satisfied sound. “There.”

Garrus noted Legion watching the quarian warily as Shepard did with concern.

The next room they entered had two sets of alarms built into the floor and two separate nodes with geth hooked up to both. One node seemed straight ahead, more or less, the other to the left by another door.

Shepard glanced between them quickly, looked Tali and Legion over, and ordered them to the node closest to the door. “Take them out _fast_ , or we'll all be overwhelmed. I'm sure the second we attack one of these nodes, the other will snap to with alarms, and we'll have six geth on us. Drones out, Tali, and Legion, you as well. Garrus, come with me. We'll take this one.”

“On it,” Garrus spoke affirmatively, watching Tali square her thoughts away and focus upon the order, thankfully with no grumble as Legion followed her carefully about the floor.

Shepard stood beside him facing down their node of choice, and she kept her pistol raised. “Overload again, Garrus. Tali, drain yours to start the process. Shoot quick, drones should clear any that get away. Garrus, those concussive shots are working wonders in this atmosphere.”

He nodded his helmet, blue eyes ready, Mattock raised as well. On her hand signal he sent off the spread, watching the electrical power of the node backfire upon itself and zap the three geth hooked into it, shocking them mildly but not taking one out entirely this time.

Sound erupted in the room from alarms and the geth snapping aware on the other node. Tali's shotgun instantly sang out with a blast, and Garrus heard the slightly familiar sound of Legion's hacking program get sent across omni-tools.

A concussive round knocked one trooper away, Shepard took the light off the other, and together they shot the hunter up, disposing of it quickly for Shepard to cloak and appear behind the now righted last trooper; she kicked a leg out, brought it to its knees, and smashed the head in with a quick jab and a final bullet.

Garrus kept an eye to his left, watching Tali's drone clean up a trooper before it faded out, overwhelmed from being solely focused upon by the geth. Tali had blown apart the other trooper on their node, and the remaining hunter there had shaken off Legion's hack and turned upon the friendly geth, already firing at Legion's intense shielding.

Legion shot back, staggering the hunter a step, and then before Garrus could finish it off from his spot to help, Tali blasted the head off of the hunter before popping her glowing heat sink out of the shotgun.

Shepard shot out the remaining power of their node, and Garrus sent another Overload toward Tali's, silencing the room again.

“I _hate_ that sound,” Shepard hissed over the comm. “It's so damn horrible.”

“Agreed,” Garrus sighed beside her as she came closer and they both walked to the door.

Tali snickered. “You _would_ have the most sensitive hearing out of all of us. Poor Garrus.”

Garrus chuckled, too. “Yeah. Exactly, Tali. _Poor me_.”

“Shepard-Commander,” Legion spoke, getting their attention again as it went through the door.

Garrus sensed the second Shepard saw the troopers in the hall before them as she quickly bent, reloaded, and aimed above some cargo keeping her hidden. Legion stumbled when its shielding was hit, and Garrus quickly swapped out for his Mantis, taking one trooper out and letting Shepard and Tali's refreshed drone clear the remainder.

Up another ramp they found what looked like a trap of a room with ways in and out two exits, raised flooring, and more deactivated rocket drones.

“Legion, are more coming?” Shepard asked sharply, green eyes behind the visor focusing on those drones.

Legion nodded. “Affirmative. Within moments. That direction.”

Shepard gauged the room and slipped firmly into her Commander's tone. “All right. Tali, stay far left behind what you can. Legion, stay to my right. Drones out for both of you if needed. Garrus we'll stay here with the rocket drones. Legion will activate them, so everyone stay out of their immediate path of sight.”

“Got it,” Tali murmured, moving into position with Legion quickly.

Garrus moved to stand behind one drone, watching Shepard kneel behind another in the center of the room. “All good?”

“Yep. Garrus, use the spread when they come through our side, should they do it. Give us a few seconds of advantage before a rocket is fired,” Shepard told him, nodding down at Legion as it activated the drones back online.

They heard the echo of the metallic feet pounding close, and Garrus prepped his omni-tool, ready. The second that he saw geth start coming out, he let loose, and the Overload crackled over the entire group of them tightly backed together, breaking shielding in his sensors and leaving the enemy geth vulnerable.

The drones destroyed two of them easily, Tali's drain work took out a third, and Legion and Shepard managed to remove two more.

They waited for another wave, unsurprised when it came.

More troopers were destroyed by rockets, and Garrus used his spread again over a hunter when it finished recharging.

Shepard shot out her rocket drone after another few minutes of waiting without enemy sight, and Garrus smirked behind his helmet at the broken drone before him that had taken the hunter's firing focus and spared Garrus.

“We're going down,” Shepard called to them as she moved on ahead a little.

Garrus saw the ramps, following her and Legion with Tali in the rear.

They barely emerged through the next doorway before being shot at, rounds zipping past Garrus glowing hot with energy. Tali's drone flew about the room, distracting the troopers, but Garrus's visor picked up the cloaked hunter coming right at them.

“Shepard,” he shouted, firing at it and making its cloak ripple enough.

“I see it!” she yelled back from his front right, whooping when Tali drained the trooper that had moved past her drone.

The trooper dropped, Legion managed to hack the hunter a moment to stall it, and Garrus's spread overloaded the remaining geth close by each other, sizzling their shields for Shepard and Legion to render the enemy geth inoperable.

Shepard caught her breath, boot toeing the hunter's immobile body near her. “Jesus. These things just don't stop coming.”

Garrus approached her, letting his visor scan her armor and shielding over for any cracks in protection and thankfully found none so far. “I know. Makes me feel like I'm hunting Saren all over again.”

“Same here,” Tali murmured softly. “How many geth did we kill back then, you think?”

“Hundreds, if not more,” Shepard figured, helmet tilting to show her watching Legion for a response.

Legion shrugged, letting it go. “The Heretics had engaged the organics.”

Garrus whistled over the mic, shocked to find the window near them baring part of the station. “Thought you said windows were a structural weakness. How big is this?”

“There are very few inner panels, none exterior where sensors work,” Legion explained quickly. “This station is approximately fifteen kilometers. This window likely runs through most of that distance.”

“Sounds like a structural weakness to _me_ ,” Garrus muttered.

“Come on,” Shepard urged, and they followed, avoiding more floor alarms and large tank objects before two additional nodes were spotted in the next area.

Garrus and Legion stayed up the ramp, Tali and Shepard went down into position carefully, and Garrus slightly tweaked his next spread and overloaded one of the nodes, this time blowing it apart into a smoking heap, taking out two troopers with it.

Once more the _wherrr-wherrr_ loomed over them with its heavy, oppressive sound, and they moved fast, eliminating the geth aware and free from the other node. With it destroyed the alarms silenced, Garrus thanked the Spirits for the quiet and hoped they were almost to their goal location. The ship was too maze like, too quiet when the alarms weren't blaring, and for a moment Garrus wondered if Saren had partially snapped not only from Sovereign's indoctrination ability but also by being around a similar environment.

The next long hallway overlooked part of a continued window, and Garrus saw the massive lines of servers tucked safely behind the thick glass. Tali paused beside him, a bit awestruck at the repeating equipment fading into darkness down the line of visibility.

“So many,” Shepard softly said to his left, hands resting on her hips. “Way too many.”

Legion stopped as well, and Garrus caught the geth's little brows twitching as it stared down the servers. “These contain the collective memories of geth. Of the Heretics.”

Somehow Legion sounded almost despondent, and even Garrus was surprised by being able to tell. What a concept—a geth sounding _emotional_.

Shepard glanced over Legion, turning to face the geth instead of the window. “And knowing they're all in there like that, are you still okay doing to them what they'd planned to do to _you_?”

“Uncertain,” Legion said with an almost robotic sigh. “It is...strange. They are different, Shepard-Commander...more so than when they left. They grew without us.”

“Isolated populations of organics can do the same—grow apart in new ways,” Shepard replied calmly. “But it...bothers you, doesn't it?”

Garrus watched Tali observing Legion carefully. With scrutiny.

Legion's softer light blinked once as its brows relaxed down.

Shepard stood a little closer to the unique geth platform. “Because you were once a whole people, and now you see that Reaper-influenced or not, more change still happened. It's one thing to want to revert people out of indoctrination, but this...might be harder to argue. You had debate, the votes were split, and they left on their own. Can we prove they're all converted to try flipping the virus back on them? Or is that, Legion, the same infringement of right they'd planned to force upon your people?”

The light focused again in the weird flashlight head with almost seemed like sadness to Garrus. “Conclusion...still unable to be resolved.”

“If it were easy to conclude, Legion, it wouldn't matter so much,” Shepard agreed, patted the geth on its metal shoulder, and moved on.

Garrus stepped after her, Tali dragging a little behind to stare at Legion thoughtfully behind her helmet while Legion only kept its light upon Shepard, focused and frozen a moment by her small gesture of acceptance and aid.

The foursome quietly entered a large area with two side staircases that overlooked a maze-like floor pattern with several doors and inactive rocket drones mounted above the walls down there separating the pathways...not entirely unlike paths for mechanized routes in manufacturing, in a way.

Legion approached a terminal in the middle of their higher ground, clacking away with sound in thought before using the holo-interface and digging into the computer. Garrus saw Tali once again watching Legion with less anger now, and Shepard exhaled tiredly.

“So, Legion. Is this it?”

“Affirmative. The virus is completed, as previously considered. It must be destroyed before it can be used against us.”

Tali crossed her arms. “Thought you wanted to use it for yourself, Legion. To...save some of your people and bring them back, possibly.”

Legion turned away from the terminal, light winking out briefly before brightly engaging again. It stepped in front of Shepard to its right, searching her intently. “Shepard-Commander, this unit...cannot make this decision. Our votes to destroy and to rewrite the Heretics are split. Consensus isn't possible. But the mission is still vital. What would _you_ do?”

“Me?” Shepard asked, and Garrus _knew_ her brow had arched up behind her helmet.

“Yes. You have consideration of geth as inorganics with civility, with rights. You spoke before as to population changes and growth patterns. We cannot make this decision, Shepard-Commander. But we would respect your opinion.”

“Mine.”

“Affirmative,” Legion stated without hesitation. “We followed you. We saw the results of your ethics.”

Garrus cursed under his breath, hating that yet again something so big was being thrown at his girlfriend to decide when really it wasn't her business at all. Shepard's stance had stiffened, and he knew she wasn't comfortable...but then her form softened just enough, bending forward to look down Legion's armor and back up to its waiting flashlight.

“Shepard, rewriting those geth makes the geth stronger overall. It puts my people in _danger_ ,” Tali argued, instantly heated. “It would be ignorant to choose the geth over the quarians without knowing that, without seeing it.”

“I know, Tali,” Shepard sighed to herself.

Tali's arms uncrossed, her hands in tight balls. “Then you know what the right thing is. Even Legion itself is divided on knowing that the Heretics mean destruction all around. We have to do this.”

Shepard moved slightly away, looking out over the empty area below them. Garrus came up to her side, staring out as well.

“Tali has a point, A. The Heretics might make more moves on us or our people, and, personally, I don't see this rewrite as a firm guarantee they won't make the same decision to leave again...probably more violently if so,” he murmured in consideration, noting her tense a little more.

Shepard's head dropped some. “I know, Garrus. I know that, too.”

“The virus repurposed will change this group of Heretics, Officer Vakarian. But there will still be other pockets of Heretics scattered in the clusters, regardless,” Legion offered, remaining in its stance by the terminal. “Rewriting them gives my people...our people back, allowing us to deal with the remainder of the Heretics together.”

Tali stomped closer in her anger. “Exactly. It makes your geth _stronger_ to attack us.”

“We have not attacked the creators without provocation attacking _us_ ,” Legion argued back. “Shepard-Commander, are the geth not afforded the rights of your AI? Are we disallowed the defense of ourselves against hostile forces as you organics do?”

“I am _not_ entering a debate on this shit. Fuck.”

“Shepard, geth _aren't_ people!” Tali snapped loudly. “They're not even like _EDI_. They're hive minded, not actualized individual personalities. They're too vulnerable to widespread hacking, as this damn virus proves. Trusting them, even with the right intention, is _dangerous_ and childish.”

“I am not fucking ignorant of your situation,” Shepard shouted, voice hoarse and so deeply offended that Tali stopped her immediate response. Garrus's head shook side-to-side as Shepard paced in her frustration. “I am aware more geth means more danger. I am aware that less geth means less danger to all of the organics out here. But I am _also_ aware that Legion and its people see _yours_ still as creators—as a group intrinsically tied to them that they have fought back against since the fabled question was uttered. Had you done so to another organic race of what amounted to indentured servitude, then it wouldn't be so easily clear cut as to what's right or wrong, would it? You're saying geth aren't capable of caring, of any form of actualization, and they're not therefore _organic enough_ to be afforded civil rights. EDI herself is told the same shit, and we _know_ she's her own individual.”

“Thank you, Shepard,” EDI gently chimed into their comms.

Shepard nodded aimlessly. “Welcome. My point is, Tali, that though the geth operate differently than other AI, they _obviously_ still are capable of reflection. Legion is entirely divided on this decision, _compromised_ on it by what I'd call an emotional response. It, and the rest it hails from, want to reunite with people it has lost. You want to reunite your people with your homeworld. It isn't too dissimilar, and any close appearances are obviously unsettling, and I get that. So don't insinuate that I'm thoughtless or childish in affording Legion a basic respect I afford all of _you_ on my fucking ship. I don't _have_ to trust the entire geth population, and I don't at this time regardless. But I trust Legion.”

“Then what's your choice, Shepard?” Tali questioned, voice cracking. “You spared that rachni queen, and Wrex was angry. He had every right to be, didn't he?”

“Yes, Tali, and my promise to him stands to this day. You heard that asari our last supply run on Illium—the Rachni, for now, are keeping their word. That changes, the treaty is broken, and I have to protect the organics I swore to protect if so.”

“So will you protect my people? Me?”

Garrus's mandibles, wounded and unwounded, both tightened angrily to his face behind his helmet. “Tali, that's not fair and you know it. How many times has Shepard hauled our asses out of something? What about Haestrom? What about keeping your father's secret? She _cares_ about you, damn it, and you know it.”

Tali and Shepard stared one another down, their expressions hidden away. But Tali's white eyes were wide and pained, showing it somehow, just as Garrus recognized the bit of anguish in Shepard's green ones, too.

The room stayed awkwardly silent a moment longer before Tali swallowed. “Whatever you do, Shepard, do for more than just your beliefs about inorganics. That's all I will ask.”

Garrus inhaled, holding his breath as Legion's light observed Shepard intensely alongside him, both unblinking upon his girlfriend with the tense, exhausted eyes.

“First off...fuck all of you for making this on me and then being upset if it's not what you wish for,” Shepard began, voice dark and soft. Garrus tried to speak, but she held up her hand. “Quiet. I get to say that, because it's happened time and time again with everyone, and I know this isn't the last one, either.”

Garrus shut his mouth. Tali looked to the floor beside him. Legion waited.

Shepard exhaled heavily across the mic and into their comms before she revolved to face the terminal. “When I died, they could have done anything to me. Instead they brought me back as close to my physical and mental condition before death as possible. They _did not_ rewrite me and take away my autonomy. I _cannot_ make the decision to take away the same from anyone else, organic or inorganic, after this experience. However...indoctrination itself is a brainwashing, and I have to wonder if rewriting could save them, really, at all. As far as we know, it's a permanent process, and just because one virus could be conquered and computations could fix a geth easier than we could ever mend an organic mind, there is nothing telling me that a _new virus_ from one of these pockets Legion mentioned won't undo everything we try if so.”

“That is true, Shepard-Commander,” Legion replied, its mono-voice heavy feeling again in its weird way.

“I have been put up against the concept of genocide long enough that I'm growing almost phobic of it,” Shepard admitted to them, glancing over her shoulder to watch their expressions. “And so I fear making the decision to simply slaughter 'robots' not unlike the way I feared dooming the queen on Noveria. I'm _trying_ to do the right thing, and I know I can't save everyone. So...so here's what I'm going to do now.”

“Yes, Shepard?” Garrus prompted, subharmonics supportive for her to hear.

Her green eyes warmed the slightest bit upon him, and his churning gut settled more in gratitude.

Shepard stepped to the side and motioned for Legion to come back to the terminal. Tali's hands shook. Garrus's pulse raced. And Legion looked to Shepard with what Garrus would swear was hope in those little moving brows.

“Legion, as your programs cannot make a decision, I will respect your wish of giving you my _opinion_. I have seen the effects of indoctrination, and I know this hub is only a mass of the Heretics still hiding out there,” Shepard spoke, firm but gentle, sounding just like her mother from their vid call with Hannah Shepard. “And though I believe _you do_ have rights—to defend yourself, at the least, I also cannot make the decision to forcibly alter what in doing so I believe have autonomous rights as well. I can wish for the chance for them, but they _made_ their choice, too, and you said so. They were swayed, swept in by the opportunity to take the war to organics in a way to spare themselves. I don't believe _your people_ , disagreeing with it and sending you to investigate, want such conflict at all. I believe you'd want peace with the quarians, if that were ever even possible.”

Tali sucked in a breath. Legion didn't respond, but the little brows arched up.

“I would rather protect _your people_ , show that possibility could be authentic to the quarians someday, and spare the rest of the true geth any chance of conversion to the Heretics later if I can. I would rather remind you of the isolated group growth I mentioned. And though it is unfortunate that the Heretics couldn't come around, forcing retro-conversion like this without another discussion and vote is wrong, just like the idea of them using this virus on your people is wrong,” Shepard continued, emphasizing each word with her eyes. “Legion, you even said this virus is Reaper in origin. It's not something to toy with and hope you, in just a few minutes even with your capability, don't miss anything to clear it of any Reaper influence left inside all the codes. Maybe if we had more time, others like you to help us...but we don't.”

Legion's head swiveled to face the terminal, the light dimming a little.

“So, not just to protect the quarians and the rest of the organics but also to protect _your_ people and to stay clear to the ethics I've had thus far, I would advise you to go through with your original intention to destroy the hub. The Heretics wanted their wars, wanted their direct conflicts, and this is a result of that separated priority. I _do not_ feel good about this either way. It's mucky, it's like dirty water trying to clear enough to get a drink, and I can only hope that what I'm saying makes sense. Geth have rights, Legion, I'm believing that like I grew to believe in EDI's. And this...this loss? It's a downside to that freedom. We could leave, not destroy them, and have to watch them slaughter more organics and your own people. Or we could respect that they had their rights, chose to harm, and protect us all for the future.”

Garrus didn't breathe, just like Tali next to him, as Legion stood before the terminal looking almost eerie in the soft blue glows of light they had on the station. Shepard again put her hand on its metal shoulder, and this time she whispered softly, “You have my opinion, Legion. And you'll have my respect for aiding us no matter how you do with the Collectors, just as you had it on that derelict Reaper for taking a husk out and sparing me there. If that means anything...well, I hope it does.”

Tali trembled beside Garrus, and he reached for her, putting an armored arm about her small shoulders.

Legion's light brightened upon Shepard's helmet, and then it faced front again.

“Executing destruction of the station. The process will take a few minutes, and we are likely to be attacked from the front. Advising preparation while this happens, and we must vacate immediately, for the destruction will come in the form of a pulse sent throughout the station itself. Organics will be extremely vulnerable...as would this unit.”

“Joker, you catch that? Move up and find the nearest docking, and EDI, get me a damn route out to it,” Shepard ordered, turning away as Legion began moving its fingers over the holo-keys.

“We read you, Shepard,” Joker confirmed without his usual gripe. Garrus knew the seriousness of the moment had likely robbed their pilot of his deflective humor the way it had quieted EDI, too.

EDI alerted them to sensors registering platform movements coming their way, as Legion had warned.

Garrus let go of Tali, pulled Shepard to his chest for the briefest of seconds, and bumped his helmet to hers. “Sorry, babe. I'm sorry about this.”

“Just hope I'm doing the right thing. I'm tired of killing, no matter what it is...well, except Collectors.” Shepard let him go and motioned for him to take a spot near the right stairs. “Tali, you take the left, please. Legion and I can cover the middle from up here. We'll activate the rocket drones one at a time. Don't know how many are coming at us.”

“Shepard...thank you,” Tali whispered, squeezed Shepard's armored forearm, and obeyed the order.

Garrus and Shepard watched the quarian walk behind Legion, pause and extend a hand to pat its shoulder...and retract her fingers before doing so, shaking her helmet and moving past.

They took up their positions, Legion following suit and hacking the farthest rocket drone out toward the lower doors. Garrus almost felt bad for the damn thing, seeing it prep its Widow with a different weight to its movements. But when Shepard started to speak, Legion softly said to her, “Shepard-Commander, this unit requested your advice because we could not reach consensus and were so divided. There is no reason to apologize for giving your opinion as we asked. Half of us were prepared to complete the mission, and it is done. Heretics are coming.”

Garrus winced, knowing he was going to have to cuddle her extra tonight for when she'd silently debate her choice or possible regrets or the fact that she might have none at all.

And right as the first geth triggered the rocket drone's attack, Garrus's visor caught Legion's robotic hand move and rest upon Shepard's shoulder before resuming its spot holding the Widow and firing without remorse.  
  
  
  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S.  
> In case you're worried because you think this will change shit in ME3, you're wrong. I've always brokered peace with the geth and quarians (the point system always makes it possible with Legion's mission and saving Koris, etc.), and Legion and Tali both survive any decisions I make until Legion does his thing. I always cure the genophage. Some things you just kinda do over and over, no matter the other details. Hope that helps to know. Thanks.


	57. Collected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> Mass Effect copyright to Bioware.  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.
> 
> [It's five am. -.-]

 

 

 

 

Though she'd said little after they'd returned from the Heretic station, much happier to just relax against Garrus the rest of the night after chow and a shower, she'd held her breath, waiting to see whether her resident quarian and geth would be able to handle one another afterward.

They'd kept to themselves for the first two days, and on the third night, Shepard got Joker's call over the comm that Tali and Legion were quarreling in the AI core.

“It sounds bad, Shepard,” Joker muttered before he clicked off.

Shepard walked from her meeting with Miranda and Jacob into the mess; near the fridge she caught Garrus look to her, shake his head, and give her a brief turian salute of luck. Shepard winked at him, loving how his blue eyes warmed for her.

With a long breath, she steeled herself, passed through the medbay, and opened the AI core door.

Green eyes widened under rising red bows.

“Joker, you might have mentioned there was a _gun_ involved,” Shepard snapped, knowing damn well the pilot would pick it up on mics.

He did, immediately so, with a bodiless grunt of, “I _said_ it sounded bad!”

Shepard strode forward, shoulders tensing as she watched Tali's pistol hover in the air near Legion's light. “Tali, what the _hell_ is going on? You really think we need fucking _holes_ in this ship right now?”

Tali's helmet angled so the quarian could try to view both the geth and Shepard at once. “Shepard, I caught this thing trying to scan my omni-tool! I _told_ you it couldn't be trusted!”

Narrowed eyes swung to Legion, noting his little brows popping up before bending far down.

Shepard rubbed her jaw. “Legion, anything to say?”

“Shepard-Commander, this creator has information concerning dangers against the geth. That data, if copied and sent, could warn geth of incoming attack and experiment,” Legion answered, light winking out once as it focused back on Tali.

Tali scoffed, gun still aimed. “My people are defending ourselves against _you_.”

“And are our people not allowed to defend ourselves as well?”

Voices organic and inorganic began to rise right alongside Shepard's blood pressure. “HEY! Hey. Lest you forget, this is my sandbox, my rules, and I'm sick of the arguing. If it isn't Jack and Miri, it's you two. Now let's stop and think about this _rationally_ and _calmly_ while I still have some damn patience left...while you can both appreciate the _miracle_ it is to have each of you here, both brave and willing to do what we're about to do. You're equals here, damn it, so act like it.”

Tali's gun arm lowered in surprise. Legion's head bowed some.

“All right then.” Shepard put her hands on her hips, then gestured her right fingers between them. “Tali, I've said it before—had the quarians done this with an _organic_ race, you'd know the immorality of it. Legion has every right to wish to protect itself and its people, just as _you_ do. And Legion, you can't broker any kind of peace you ever hope to have by _stealing_ information. All it does is continue to prove the image the quarians hold of the geth as untrustworthy, inorganic drones.”

She inhaled, feeling strong as both individuals in front of her shared a glance.

“So, let's get along. We've got one stop for supplying before the Omega-4, and I will _not_ have this shit get us killed. I know I'm not part of this problem, I know I'm not from either race and can't understand it the way you feel, but damn it, I have to be able to go into this mission able to trust _both_ of you. And right now? Right now I don't. Show me I _can_ trust you guys. Show me you're _better_ than this, that you're the best and should be here. I mean...Christ, has anyone even _tried_ to be diplomatic in any discussion between a geth and a quarian ever since your war started? Tali, you want change for your people, then realize this is a place to start it. Legion, you, too.”

Tali's pistol slowly dropped to hang in her fingers at her side, and Shepard exhaled quietly to herself, willing to cross her fingers and her damn toes at this point to get the pair to a state of trust where they could watch one another's backs in the up coming shitstorm of Collectors.

She waited while Legion and Tali eyed one another quietly, and then Tali sighed first, omni-tool lighting up for access.

Tali shook her helmet, almost in disbelief she was speaking the very words of compromise. “I suppose, Legion...I could forward you non-classified data on the Flotilla. Nothing to endanger my people, but....”

“That would be acceptable. We will not transfer previous scanned data and can return it,” Legion offered in return, its arm activating its own omni-tool. “Is that as acceptable to you, Creator Tali'Zorah?”

Tali nodded, already relieved partly.

Shepard smacked her palms together and rocked back on her heels. “So you good here? Can I trust you to have your backs and _mine_ , too, without this mistrust in the middle of everything?”

“We'll be fine, Shepard,” Tali replied, milky hidden eyes blinking softly.

“Sure,” she nodded. “I've got messages. Thanks for working this out.”

“Shepard-Commander,” Legion called as she spun on her heel to exit the room.

Shepard paused, brow and foot raised. “Yes, Legion?”

It fidgeted slightly. “The mission is priority. It will have every focus.”

“Yeah. It should, anyway.”

Tali glanced Legion's way, and her body relaxed. “It's right, Shepard. Don't worry about us.”

Shepard smiled, gave them a habitual salute, and exited past a curious Dr. Chakwas, the older woman thanking her under her breath.

 

 

 

\------------------------

 

 

They drew ever closer to Omega and its nearby relay, and the atmosphere aboard the _SR2_ walked a strange line of determined gusto and fearful oppressive silence. Shepard had messages from Kelly that each member of her squad had individually come for help, and some of the rest of the ship's crew had as well. All of them wanted Shepard to know they were prepared, or as best they could be. All of them wanted her to know they believed _in her_. Including _himself_.

Joker knew it was a welcome change from the way she'd been treated so long as an investment by the Cerberus group and as a resource alone by the Council and Alliance, too. He knew Shepard was as over shit as she could be, but kept it together somehow, with lots of mental duct tape and glue and God-knew-what-else.

So when Shepard asked him to get them to swing through Illium for supplies before they hit the Omega Nebula, he did so without lip or gripe, making the slight bit of extra leg on the round trip back.

Into the Omega Nebula, they caught notice of one final _N7_ request from Hackett dealing with a lost operative on Lorek in the Fathar system. Shepard figured with EDI needing to install the IFF that they could make the quick trip and use the time until the AI was finished.

Joker steered the ship with a slight yawn. He needed to stay awake long enough for Shepard to do the mission and get back before he could secure things for his night off.

His AI copilot, however, didn't like the yawn at all.

“Officer Moreau, you appear quite tired. That isn't a safe flying condition.”

“I'm fine, EDI,” Joker muttered, blinking his eyes. Despite getting used to EDI over the past months of hauling Shepard and the _SR2_ 's diverse crew, Joker still kept a bit of a wall between he and the AI—like knowing he could trust something but not actually doing it entirely yet. “I'm a big boy, I can deal with it.”

“Perhaps the Commander could—”

“Leave Shepard out of it. She has enough to deal with. _Real_ problems.”

“A tired pilot makes a dangerous one. That _is_ a real problematic concern,” EDI retorted in her little blue holo-form nearby. “You should take care of yourself, Jeff.”

Stunned by the calm, _caring_ tone EDI's voice took on, Joker flushed, looked away and huffed, bluffing, “You just wanna fly my baby by yourself to prove you can.”

“I am fully aware that we work best together, Officer Moreau.”

“Uh-huh.” Joker rolled his eyes, comfortable with her normal tone back; he tugged his hat down and told her to disturb on emergency only while they continued to wait on orders.

EDI's blue light didn't fade out right away, and he angled the hat to hide that half of his face from her, weirded out by the AI staring at him. The thought crossed his mind that she could still do so from any hidden camera on the ship, and Joker glanced about, tempted to re-grease the lenses again.

“Joker,” Shepard called from the speakers around the cockpit. “I'm in cargo. Since I don't know what this missing operative's situation is—if we're looking possibly extraction or just body removal—I'm not sure who's going down with me.”

“We all are. It's faster, and some tension work out seems almost therapeutic at this point. You can decide in the shuttle, Shepard,” Miranda's voice answered next. “Shouldn't be gone too long.”

Joker shrugged, quite happy with the idea of at least thirty minutes shut-eye in his comfier chair. “Cool, see you soon.”

“Make sure EDI's alert if you're napping up there, Joker,” Shepard teased him, sounding lighter than the last few days.

Joker snorted and slid his hat over the full front of his face. “Yeah, yeah.”

“And no jerking off, either,” she added, laughing, before clicking off.

Entirely red faced, Joker sneered at his console, grunting as he switched to Shepard's private comm, “Hah hah, Shepard.”

“Is that Joker? Tell him he still owes me credits for last night's Skyllian Five,” he heard Garrus start mumbling close to Shepard's mic.

Quickly Joker turned down the open connection, lowering the volume and whistling to himself at the thought of those 500 credits still in his account. Playing Garrus in cards was so fucking unfair. The turian could bluff really well with his stupid bandage, he _had_ to cheat with that damn visor, and Joker was _nice_ enough to not bring up their research discussion to rattle him for credits.

The shuttle departed the ship, and most of the remaining Cerberus crew took the brief reprieve to do another processing check, everything from stealth stability to barrier density and durability. Joker kept the ship not too far from Lorek's orbit, hand never too far from the controls and the console, though his eyes fluttered once or twice.

“Officer Moreau,” EDI suddenly called out to him.

Joker blinked. “Huh?”

“ _Joker_ ,” she said louder, in his own comm channel and not the ship's system.

He sat straight up in his chair, shocked. “What? Damn, EDI, this better be good. I wasn't asleep or anything.”

“Jeff, we have a serious problem. There's...there's something wrong. The IFF. Jeff, we're _transmitting_ our location,” she spoke, sounding absolutely terrified for being so bodiless.

“What do you mean transmitting our location? To whom?” he snapped, glancing through the cockpit windows with an icy feeling suddenly going to his spine.

Movement caught his eye, and suddenly there it was: the fucking Collector ship.

Feeling very much like Ahab staring down the eye of Moby Dick itself, Joker sucked in a gasp. “Oh _shit_!”

Instantly his hands moved over the holo-keys and controls, desperate to save the ship this time. When nothing responded to his attempts, EDI explained that the propulsion systems had been disabled—that the IFF had installed a virus, rendering them floating to be killed or worse.

Because the goddamn Collectors were _boarding_.

“Shepard!” he began, hoping something could be done.

“I cannot hail them, and the defense systems are inoperable. We can do this, Jeff... _we_ can save the _Normandy_. You must help me. You must trust me. You must give me the ship.”

“What? EDI, you're fucking crazy,” Joker grumbled, panicking and trying to get out of his chair without injuring himself.

“Trust me, Jeff. If you do, if you unlock my sealed databases, I can enact countermeasures to free us. You _must_ hurry. Access tunnels from the lab will get you down. Get to the AI Core,” EDI said, echoing in his private channel. Then, softly, she added, “Please.”

And then EDI wished him luck.

And then all hell broke loose.

Joker stood up, shaking as the emergency lights began to flicker a path for him to follow. He began moving as fast as possible with his awkward hobble back up into the CIC and toward the galaxy map. A few of the crew had gone for weapons, running to meet the sound of the elevator.

He felt like puking as he pushed himself as hard as possible, limping into the lab seconds after hearing the screams of creatures he'd only heard from Shepard's mic as the monsters erupted from the elevator and friendly bullets fired.

“Keep going, Jeff,” EDI encouraged in his comm as he pushed through the lab, shuddering and absolutely pissed the fuck off.

“I _am_ ,” he hissed, afraid to speak any louder than that.

“Take the maintenance tunnel down to the crew deck. Be careful.”

Joker bent for the ladder in Mordin's lab and paled just in time to see a Praetorian thing like he remembered Shepard and the team had brought down on Horizon and the Collector Ship itself. It was horrifying up close, like a demented crab from hell with heads lolling about inside of it and a screech worse than anything else he'd heard yet, worse than that moaning wail of the scion upstairs.

He shimmied quickly down the steps, coming out into Life Support where Thane's belongings were carefully stowed. One of the crew called out to him as people ran past the door screaming.

Joker shuffled to the doorway, eyes rounding and mouth gaping in horror at the monsters dragging Kelly Chambers away by her hair.

People were being _taken_. Not killed on the spot, but abducted. The Collectors were literally _collecting_ them the way they must have each colony they'd hit, and Joker finally understood the true horror about them in a way surviving their first firefight encounter on the _SR1_ hadn't taught him. Even knowing about Freedom's Progress hadn't really sunk in the true emotional horror that watching Kelly attempt to crawl her way out of the scion's hands had.

This was his worst nightmare amped up on some killer Afterlife drugs, and he wanted to fucking wake up.

Joker hoofed it the second the elevator door closed past anything and everything, unable to even look at a single object outside of those flashing red floor lights leading him while EDI told him that she was activating the Emergency H-Fuel cells to keep the damn ship going.

He only took a breath once the door behind him in the AI core shut itself, and he stumbled over towards her servers, exhaling, “Okay. I'm, at...ah...you. Yeah.”

“You must connect the AI core to the ship's control module,” EDI directed him with her blue lighted holo-self.

“Oh fuck,” Joker grumbled, but held his hands out and began interacting with the projected keyboard that appeared before him. “This is how it starts, right here. Everyone's gonna be pissed at me. 'This is all Joker's fault, what a tool he was.' Next they'll spend all day computing Pi because I plugged in the damn overlord. No offense.”

“None taken,” EDI replied as the lights flickered with his final computational adjustment.

EDI stated, “I have access to our defensive systems. Reactivate the primary drive in engineering, Joker.”

“You just want me to crawl through those damn ducts again, I know it,” Joker grumbled at her blue form and started to turn away.

He paused, though, when EDI murmured back that she enjoyed the sight of humans on their knees.

A brief second of silence passed with them staring down one another, Joker with his brows way up.

“I'm joking,” EDI snickered and blipped out of view. “The shaft behind you there will connect you to engineering.”

Joker shook his head, grunting under his breath as he made his way to another shaft nearby. This one took him down to engineering, specifically to the subdeck. The second his foot hit the ladder's last rung, EDI anxiously warned him about hostile Collectors in engineering presently above him.

He waited in Jack's hidey-hole, slightly up one of the side staircases, watching the shadows passing by as the hostiles dragged Ken and Gabby from their stations toward the cargo bay.

Standing there, Joker felt rage burn through him all over again like he had in the first attack, trapped in the cockpit and refusing to give up. There was little he knew he could do, little he could physically do to help, and though it made him feel useless in some ways, he vowed then and there to do whatever had to be done to get them back.

The moment EDI cleared him, he moved up the stairs, quickly shifting right into the closing doors so he wouldn't be seen. Joker stood at Tali's station, hands already moving for keys.

“Okay, now what?”

“Activate the drives, Joker, and I will open airlocks as we accelerate. All hostiles on board will be terminated, and you will be safe here.”

“What about any crew left, EDI? You can't just risk—”

“They're gone, Jeff. They've been taken. I'm sorry.”

Joker clenched his eyes shut. Opened them again, messed with controls and entered the engine room. EDI sealed it behind him with ominous warning while the core pulsed with energy behind the glass.

“I have control,” the AI said, and Joker felt his stomach knot with fear and yet absolute reassurance.

The ship suddenly shot forward, and Joker collapsed to the floor, feeling the pain in his chest from at least one bruised or broken rib. Jittery with adrenaline and fear, he remained sitting there until the ship calmed itself and EDI announced there were no other life signs onboard.

Slowly he got up, wincing, and exhaled. “Send Shepard a message. Tell her everything. Get her back here.”

“I am. Are you feeling all right?”

“No,” he answered truthfully. Painfully. “But...thanks, EDI, for asking.”

It was as he made his way very slowly back to the medbay that EDI seemed to whisper into his comm, “Thank _you_ , Jeff, for trusting _me_.”

 

 

 


	58. Reality Checks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> Mass Effect copyright to Bioware.  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Shock was not a strong enough word. Neither was fury.

Instead what she felt was so hot, so burning that it could consume her if she didn't watch herself.

Shepard got the hail after they wrapped the operative mission, sadly finding the man's body and forwarding information to Hackett over Cerberus. She'd stood inside the very crowded shuttle, eyes so damn big that Jack told her they were about to literally pop out of her fucking skull and couldn't she just fucking spit it out already?

So she did. Furiously. And the briefing she gave them set everyone else on fire, too.

Miranda's mouth settled in quiet anger, Jacob tightened his fists next to her, and the rest talked quietly about what the next step might be with Grunt advocating for lots of smashing bugs, earning Shepard's silent vote. Garrus took her hand when she sat back down, foot tapping as the shuttle left Lorek's orbit and honed in toward the coordinates EDI provided.

“We'll fix it, no matter what we have to do,” he assured her, knowing her too damn well to ever see her letting any part of this situation slide.

Shepard didn't reply, but she did drop the side of her head to his armored shoulder.

When they docked in cargo, they exited into the eerie, silent ship. Kasumi rubbed her arms, muttering that it felt like ghosts were all that was left. Tali sighed over her mic, noticing Shepard's face grow darker with the comment.

Miranda, Garrus, Mordin, and Jacob all followed her into the communications room with its big table. Joker was waiting there, propped upon the table itself, holding his side with an expression of suppressed discomfort.  
  
Shepard drew closer, standing right in front of him.

Their eyes met, and neither spoke.

Miranda, however, didn't share their moment of understanding anger, and snapped at the forlorn pilot, asking, “How the bloody hell did you lose _the entire_ crew? And Shepard's message mentioned what happened with EDI, too. I'm not about to forget you unshackling a damned AI. That's _well_ out of your contract.”

“Didn't have a choice,” Joker argued back. “And leave EDI alone. She's fine by me.”

“Joker, what the fuck happened?” Shepard finally asked, voice raw and red hair falling into her darkened eyes. “Details. I need details.”

Joker glared at her. “You want details, ask EDI for footage. You want to blame someone, blame all _your_ asses for _leaving us unguarded_!”

Shepard's mouth opened to retort, but Garrus was quicker, stepping right between the pair and looking heavily into Joker's piercing gaze, matching it with narrowed turian blues. A low warning growl accompanied his subharmonics, and he lowly spoke, “You're gonna want to take that down a notch. Now.”

“Garrus, let him be angry. God knows I am, and I'd be hotter in his shoes,” Shepard sighed, using an arm to leverage her protective boyfriend back a step or two. She shook her head at her bitter friend. “I'm sorry I wasn't here. Arguing about that does nothing to help us get them back. So tell me what happened, and we'll end this.”

“You guys left. I chilled in my chair. Everything was fine, and then the ship appeared right above us right as EDI sensed something was wrong in the installation,” Joker answered, voice quivering. “They...used some virus in the IFF to take control of the ship—took down defenses, all that. And then they boarded and took everyone.”

“And how are _you_ still here, then? Because you unshackled the AI?” Miranda demanded, arms crossed. “Hell of a deal to make.”

Jacob's mouth twisted to the side. "She has a point. I'm not sure the ramifications of that are...clear yet. Can we really trust it?”  
  
"Watch it!" Shepard yelled, silencing the pair with her added glare. 

“I didn't make a fucking deal to save my own ass!” Joker shouted. “But yeah, I freed her, and you know what, I don't fucking regret it.”

Shepard held her hand up the second she could see Joker was going to further erupt. The pilot took a breath instead, ground his teeth, and explained things in more detail: how EDI had helped guide him through the ship, how crew had sacrificed themselves to give him cover, and how he'd seen Kelly Chambers get dragged away by her fucking hair.

Miranda's hand covered her face. Jacob exhaled slowly. And Garrus went rigid beside her. Shepard fought off the emotions demanding her attention, and kept her focus right on Joker. “Then what?”

“EDI saved our asses. Well, my ass and I suppose yours by saving the ship. I unshackled her, and I get what the hell that means, assholes. But doing so let her regain control of defenses, and she sealed me in the engine room while she vented any hostiles and got us to safety,” Joker grumbled, then winced and hugged his ribs more. “Took a tumble in there.”

“Are you still in pain, Jeff?” EDI's bodiless voice asked softly around them.

Shepard's brows slowly rose at the intimacy in the AI's tone. She glanced to him, worried. “You injured?”

Joker shrugged. “Dealing with it. Thanks, Mom.”

“EDI, you realize what this all means, right? Time to prove to everyone that you're the real deal. We can trust you, we don't have to fear you cutting off our damn oxygen if you get annoyed,” Shepard muttered, eyes trailing to where the little holo-form popped into existence nearby. “I know you're better than that petty crap. But you'll have to convince everyone else, and that's honestly not personal. We've all been shot at by AI in some form or another.”

“I understand, Commander. I will prove I can be trusted.”

“Thanks. Is the IFF clean now?”

“Yes.”

“Mordin, take Joker downstairs and make sure he's fit for flying,” Shepard ordered the salarian standing quietly behind her. “The rest of you go prepare yourselves. EDI, take us near Omega. Tell the crew...tell them to say what they gotta, do what they need to, and update their wills if necessary.”

“As you wish, Shepard,” EDI replied, flickering out. "We'll arrive by morning."

Shepard looked Joker's sad face over one last time, and then she leaned forward and hugged him close, surprising him and getting a slightly painful wheeze she apologized for under her breath. “Hey. Look at me.”

Joker sighed, but lifted his eyes as she slightly pulled away. “Fucking tired of losing, Shepard.”

“I know. I can't imagine what that felt like to endure, Joker. I'm angry, I want those bastards all dead and our crew back, and I want _you_ to know I'm fucking glad you're still here,” she whispered to him, both of their gazes now steeled and wet. “No survivor's guilt, okay? You made the right call, and you trusted EDI. Without either of you, we wouldn't be able to go finish this.”

Joker huffed quietly, but nodded against her, hugging her gently in return. “All right, Shepard. So long as we get them back and you kill every fucking bug you see. One for every crew member yanked into that elevator, _at least_.”

“Deal.”

Garrus helped the pilot off the table, and the pair watched Miranda and Jacob exit, followed by Mordin and Joker hobbling together.

He turned to her, blue eyes pained and worried for her, for them, for everyone and everything. The expression mirrored the one in her own eyes, and Shepard balled her fist and smashed it against the table, shouting loudly and swearing before shuddering the emotions out—the failure Joker felt, the failure she felt, the vileness of breached space and will, the fear, and the fucking anger.

Strong turian arms wrapped around her and held her tight, never letting go through the following shakes, the muffled screams, or the few stinging, broken tears.

 

 

\--------------

   


The thought had been eating at him silently for awhile now, and after losing the crew and watching Shepard tell her brave and understanding mother a prepared goodbye over vid-call, Garrus finally swallowed down the nerves and asked his girlfriend for help.

He didn't know if he'd be lucky enough to get all his family together at once, but he _needed_ to talk to his mom. To say _something_ for all his silence and fear the past months, and to tell at least _one_ person the truth about Shepard, and why she'd be so honored in his will if she survived and he didn't.

EDI adjusted the lighting in the cabin, trying to help ease the tension obviously filling the room's atmosphere. Her cameras took in Garrus's tense stance as he kept a tight pace back and forth while Shepard fiddled with the holo panel's settings built into one of her desk windows that held her model ship collection.

“Commander, is this satisfactory for your needs?”

“Yes, thanks, EDI. You're a doll.”

“Doll?”

“It's a compliment,” Shepard explained as she nodded tightly at whatever she'd done to the settings and stepped back.

EDI was silent above them for a second before she thanked Shepard quietly. The Commander then dismissed her with a kind voice.

Shepard stepped in front of Garrus's pacing area and caught him by the elbow. “Honey, you need to calm down.”

“Calm? I'm calm. This is...this is scarier than I thought it would be.” And that was true. Garrus deep down had never been afraid of losing his father over being with Shepard, over his feelings for her. It was something he'd been prepared for far too long. But he was a little panicked now. Would he be completely disowned for the relationship he knew would be his last, whether he survived the Omega-4 or not? Made barefaced in shame for loving a human? He'd do it to keep his relationship, but it was going to be rough. Would his mother be able to intervene with her illness weakening her so much? Would she even approve that he took it this far, wanted to take it _further_ someday if possible, however that could be?

His girlfriend gently removed his facial bandage. Garrus winced like usual at the cooler air touching the raw plating and skin, but then swallowed as her small fingers lightly touched the antibiotic healing cream to his wound. Shepard carefully applied it, her eyes strong and commanding. “It'll be fine. I'll be right beside you, no matter what happens. You chose me, and I will never let you down, Garrus. I will support you.”

Her words struck some chord in his chest that made him ache sweetly. “Thanks, babe. I...I know. I appreciate it.”

“Good. Okay, I'm done. Bandage off for an hour, like usual.”

“How...bad does it look?” he asked, voice wavering. Garrus had, for most of this Cerberus run, avoided the mirror. He knew Shepard loved him unconditionally and that scarring wouldn't necessarily be bad for him, but...it was going to be a huge visual change for him to register in the mirror. The same went for his mother if she was home.

Shepard kissed his nose. “It's fine. A bit reddened from irritation, but fine. It'll heal over and look kinda like veined out tattooing across part of your upper cheek plating, down your mandible, and definitely on your neck a bit. You'll still have that little bit on your mouth that'll look raw, but that's okay, too. You look fine. Please don't worry. You're healing, Garrus.”

Garrus knew his mother was about to see him wounded for the first time, and he wanted to be prepared for seeing himself in the reflecting window back. He nodded and cautiously walked around her into her bathroom, paused against the sink as he gripped it tightly with his eyes shut, then raised his head and opened them.

She was right. It wasn't...that bad. It could be much worse, and with the rate of healing he'd already undergone, he could see some plating rebuilding between some of the worst spots. Shepard came into his periphery as she leaned in the door way, arms crossed while she watched him see himself truly for the first time in almost another year. “You...okay, hon?”

“...yeah. I don't know what I was expecting. A giant hole, I guess.”

“When you were first hit...shit, it was so scary. Your mandible was barely attached still, and your cheek was completely covered in deep blue blood. I could barely see plating in it. It scared me so much. But then Mordin and Karin got a hold of you, and you're looking amazing. Kinda like...kinda like some warrior cultures in humanity. Some would scar themselves when they came of age. Or they'd tattoo for similar purposes.”

Garrus considered her words as he viewed himself, just relieved he could still see everything connected and functional. Spirits, he really had been lucky. His ancestors had been watching out for his ass that day, just as they had been in sending her back to him. Way deep inside of him, a part that he never showed to anyone and barely registered in himself, he truly believed the ancestor Spirits had seen his pain and known. Even Shepard had admitted to some strange experience in death where her turian father-figure, Caios, had been represented to her and told her to go back. Garrus had stopped believing in a lot of traditional turian faith, but some subconscious part of him couldn't let go of this idea. She'd been remade for him, and somehow he'd been remade for her.

“You'll have to show me some pics,” he finally replied, the pads of his fingers lightly touching his face.

“Sure. Just remember something, Garrus.” Shepard walked over to him and looked at them in the mirror while her arms wrapped around his waist. Her small head rested against his upper arm. “You're _still_ the sexist turian, and you're _mine_.”

Garrus smirked in the mirror, unable to stop himself. It was so strange seeing the wound stretch with his mandible, but the pain was minimal compared to months ago. What was stranger was the freedom of movement he felt. Since he'd worn the bandages so much, he'd gotten used to feeling restricted on his right side when he talked or smiled or flexed any part of his face there. It had made him think somewhat that he'd always have that restriction. But apparently that wasn't going to be the case, at least not to the degree he'd thought.

“You know it, too,” she winked at their image. “I love you, Garrus.”

“I love you, too,” he whispered back, eyes on her in the mirror. He shifted and took her under one of his arms against his side. “We're a good looking pair, A.”

“Damn right.”

“Okay. Let's...do this.”

She rose up and kissed his left mandible. “Take your time and let me know when you need me to come speak.”

Garrus nodded, swallowing roughly. He let her go and exited the bathroom, his movements tight as he sat in front of the holo-panel, logged in through his omni-tool, and sent the vid call to his mother. It rang three or four times before it connected, and Garrus felt his heart twist as his mother's face filled the large space in front of him.

“Garrus? Garrus is that you? I got your message that you needed to speak to us soon. Your father and sister are gone, but I'm here. Are you all right, son?” Alaire sounded absolutely worried, but her subharmonics reached over the audio, reassuring him in her happiness to see him. Garrus saw her eyes focus as the visual cleared some. “What has happened...to your face? Oh, son.”

He exhaled lowly before he began. “Hey, Mom. I, uh...several months ago I got into a really bad fire fight, and I took some of a rocket's surround blast to the head. But I'm okay, I promise. I had surgery from two of the best doctors in the galaxy, and I'm fully functional. I didn't lose anything. I'm just...scarred some.”

“Oh, Spirits! Why didn't you come home? Solana said you've messaged her some about my illness over the last months, but you never came home. You should have come home, Garrus, especially after such a wound!” Alaire's worry echoed in the cabin. “Son, what has happened with you?”

“Well...I couldn't come home. I've been busy. I know that sounds rude, but...it's true. Mom, did you get my messages about...about Shepard?”

“Yes, I did. There has been much gossip in the Hierarchy since she reappeared, particularly about the circumstances. Garrus, can you trust this? This Cerberus group...your father says they are dangerous. Absolutely dangerous.”

“Yeah, well, I've kinda been working for them this whole time. Working for her, actually. She's the one who rescued my ass when I was hit and got me the surgery. It _is_ her, Mom. I know it all must sound insane; Spirits, it did to me when I came to and saw her still there. But it's really her. The coma, all of it was real for her.” Garrus flicked his eyes to his left where his new bondmate was leaned against the fish tank, her fingers tracing patterns that the fish inside followed. “I think...the Spirits heard me,” he admitted finally, but did so in native tongue he knew wouldn't translate well.

Alaire's brows went up on the screen. “Son?”

“She was sent back to me, no matter how it happened. I know that's true.” Garrus sat forward, concentrated on his mother. “Trust me, Mom.”

“I...all right. I will.” Alaire tilted her face in concern as her plates shifted to finish the expression. “But, Garrus...this Cerberus.”

“She's not with them, Mom. They're just funding this specific mission. They had scientists...do what they did because they knew she was the only one who'd get this done. Who'd help these people. Humanity has been under attack in the Terminus, Mom. Thousands of people disappearing with no trace. We figured out why, what's responsible, and we're going to...be dealing with that very soon. That's one reason that I'm...calling.”

“Garrus.... Are you saying...?”

“Mom, I don't know what's gonna happen. We might make it out of this by the skin of our teeth, as the humans say, or we might all die. We're going in with the mentality that we're going to destroy this shit no matter what the cost. It has to happen. The Reapers I talked about before the Council cover up? They're related to this, but they're using another species as their front. I have to see this through, Mom. I can't let these bastards expand from humanity into turians. You'd feel the same way if you'd seen what was being done to these people.” Garrus exhaled shakily as he clenched the desk in front of him. “I'm sorry. She'd send me home to you, but I won't let her. She needs me, like I need her.”

Shepard turned at that, her gaze sympathetic and guilt-ridden. Garrus shook his head at her, telling her not to feel bad. Alaire noticed his action and moved in the screen. “Is...she there, Garrus?”

“...yeah.”

“May I speak with her, please?”

Garrus watched Shepard shift nervously. Her sent was spicy with anxiety, but her face betrayed none of that. He turned back to his mother's face in the call. “In a second, Mom. I'm not done.”

“What do you mean?”

“I...even if we survive...I might.... Spirits, this is hard.” Garrus bent his head as he gulped for air, fighting the anger and worry inside of him.

“Garrus? What's wrong?”

He keened a little, and his mother responded softly with her own in concern. Garrus lifted his face back up and tried to look her visual self right in the eye. “I might not be a Vakarian anymore.”

“What? Son, that makes no sense.”

“Mom...when you find out, when _Dad_ finds out...it's possible.”

Alaire rose back with a frown. “Find out...what, Garrus?”

Garrus struggled to get his breathing down and looked back over toward Shepard, his heart straining between the deep love he felt for her and the pain over possible separation from his family that he would bear. Shepard gave him an encouraging smile and whispered very softly, “I love you.”

That was all he needed. Garrus shifted, squared his shoulders, and calmly stated to his mother all the way on Palaven, “I'm seeing Shepard. She's my girlfriend, and I've imprinted on her. It's serious. I'm not walking away from my relationship. I wanted you to know in case I die, and...and you see my will. And if we live? I'm staying with her, however far it goes in the future. Either way, she's it for me. Long haul, she calls it.”

Alaire's eyes widened and her mandibles slackened completely. She blinked several times in the awkward silence. Garrus didn't move from his braced position. He tightened his own mandibles against his cheeks. “I know what I've done by choosing her. I know the consequences of it with Dad. I accept them and have for years building to it. I love her beyond everything, Mom, and if I'm gonna go die for a good cause, I'm doing it at her side. You saw how badly her death tore me up. You knew...you knew even then I felt this deeply for her, didn't you? Were you only supportive because she was dead and not a threat? What now, Mom? What happens now?”

Alaire said nothing for moments, unable to speak, before she released a tight breath and coughed some. Finally, she sat forward again, her expression softer. “Garrus....”

“I love her, Mom. I always have, and I've always been meant to love her. I really believe that. I even ran into someone from my past and I...felt absolutely nothing. Repulsion. Being with her, feeling these things, it changed me so much. I couldn't imagine being with anyone else again.” Garrus eased his shoulders back down into a more comfortable and less confrontational position. “Sol's always joked about what kind of female I'd bring home, and I have to brag because she's pretty damn impressive, Mom. I mean, galactic hero? Alien supporter? I think I did well. Way better than some politician's daughter.”

Shepard barked out a small laugh next to him as she tried to cover her face. Garrus glanced and saw tears running down her cheeks while she wiped them away. Alaire tilted her face in the call. “That...is true, Garrus. She is an amazing person.”

“I know.”

Alaire considered her son through the camera for several moments before she smiled. “I'm very proud of you, my son. You did what you knew was right, what your heart told you. As I told you after her death, I still believe you were meant to find the one for you. And you did. Congratulations, Garrus, for finding her again.”

“T-Thanks, Mom,” he choked out in absolute relief.

“Let me see her.”

Shepard shifted and stepped over at his wave. She stood near his side and gripped one of his hands in hers tightly. “Hello, Mrs. Vakarian.”

“Alaire, dear. It is good to finally meet this human my son has been so obsessed about.”

“Mom!”

“It's true, Garrus,” Alaire teased and smiled at them. “You look happy, the both of you.”

“As much as we can be considering the circumstances, ma'am,” Shepard replied and slid her arm around Garrus to hold him.

Alaire smiled at her action. Her orange eyes tightened a little. “You do understand the significance of what has happened to my son in your relationship with imprinting, yes? The impacts this could have? If he develops bonding hormones—”

“I have,” Garrus muttered, shocking his mother.

“I...yes,” Shepard answered, lightly wincing. “As much as I possibly can, ma'am.”

“And that being with him means more than just some intimate friendship, _especially_ if you take this any further somehow? Turians need high amounts of affection and love in ways humans might not be able to give them.”

“ _Trust me_ , Mom, she can. And has. She's fantastic at turian affection. Spirits, I think I like some of their stuff better.” Garrus caught the flush on his mother's neck, knowing it mirrored his own embarrassment. But he didn't care. He wanted his mother to know his girlfriend wasn't unaware and that they hadn't made a huge mistake. “She's my girlfriend, Mom. She's educated about our people more than most humans, and she asks about anything she doesn't know.”

“Alaire, I love your son. I have for a long time, and I knew the first moment I saw him that he was extremely special...and probably the single most handsome turian I'd ever seen.” Shepard tightened her hold on him, and Garrus brushed his face against her side to reassure her in her nervousness. “Let me explain something. When he asked me to be with him, even when he explained the hormones...I understood more of what he was asking than you might think. Still, I want you to know that I considered our relationship seriously even when we first began it, and that was after we'd been friends all the time we knew one another before...before I was indisposed. I was afraid when I realized his relationship with his father might suffer for it; it's already strained enough. I get that he could be facing consequences, and I did not want to be the cause for any more pain or trouble. Garrus, however, felt otherwise. His determination is quite remarkable, but I think you know that best having raised him.”

“Yes, I do. Of course he insisted; his own father was just as persistent in pursuing me. The two of you have already been through loss, and if Garrus really does have any bit of the hormones in him, I expect him to prioritize you as he should,” Alaire agreed, eyes sweeping over them together. “Atreyus is...not going to be happy. You knew this, Garrus. But I will do all I can to stop him from acting rashly in his anger. You were born my son and his, and you will always be one of ours. I will be sure he knows any other offers of interest are invalid.”

Garrus coughed then, trying to not reveal how deeply relieved he felt at his mother's encouragement. “You sure, Mom? I know...it'll be a stain on the clan, but that's only because they look at it that way. I look at it much differently. They should be feeling honored someone so special loves their relative. Half the turians I know admire Shepard if they watched the Akuze interview, let alone the human Spectre induction and saving of the Citadel itself.”

“And some will see it so, yes. It will be a thing that fixes with time, Garrus. After all, this is a rather unique situation.”

Shepard sighed. “I'm sorry to have caused any problems, Alaire.”

“You have not. Do not be sorry. You have saved my son, regardless of this external situation. He is more himself in this moment than he has been in many months.”

“Thank you,” Shepard murmured, her tone thick with emotion.

Garrus pulled her down to his lap and nuzzled her face affectionately. “It's okay, babe. It's okay. I told you Mom would like you.”

“Heh,” Shepard replied and hid her face a little bashfully for a moment.

“My son is right. This is an honor to have you courting him. And it will be my last endeavor to be sure that is recognized as it should be,” Alaire said confidently.

Garrus raised his brows in surprise. “...Mom?”

His mother smiled at him softly on the screen. “It will take a little time, but I've got leverage with your father. He knows my time is limited and wants me comfortable. Happy. This will make me happy.”

“ _Mom_.”

“What am I missing here?” Shepard asked as she glanced between Garrus and the screen.

“I will be sure Atreyus is _respectfully_ aware of the relationship and will honor any wishes Garrus has should...the worst happen.” Alaire flicked her wrist at him, dismissing the worry. “Do not underestimate your mother, Garrus. You have my approval.”

Shepard bent her face and sighed into Garrus's neck, fingers gripping one mandible with gentle love. Garrus blinked repeatedly in shock, but noticed his mother watching Shepard's affection with silent praise. He knew that Shepard giving him both human and turian affection scored her thousands of points with his mother and quite possibly could with his father if Atreyus got past her humanity first. All Alaire ever wanted was for him to be loved and appreciated by someone he truly respected. Garrus returned his mother's smile and grazed his chin over Shepard's head.

His girlfriend raised her head suddenly, her face absolutely determined as she eyed the screen. “I will do everything in my power, ma'am, to bring him home. I swear.”

“I believe it. I've seen results of your determination. Yours is quite similar to Garrus's. It is one reason you fit so well.”

Garrus chuckled then, relaxing. “She's right, babe.”

“Your sister isn't going to be happy for a while, but it's all right.” Alaire sighed and stretched some. “She has had issues with you, Shepard. Nothing personal. She just...is protective of Garrus and questioned your influence over him. Without seeing all the details, it can look negative to some of us. Consider his extreme emotional reaction to your death, then his disappearance, and now this wound and reappearance with this Cerberus and you.”

“I understand that. What I've seen is different. I've seen your son grow. I've seen him learn and change and want to bring positive things to the galaxy with less anger inside of him,” Shepard replied quietly, one hand on Garrus's thigh. “I've seen him fall in love. I've seen him save lives. I've seen him mourn good people.”

Garrus brushed her head with his brow. “She isn't wrong, Mom. I...once this shit is done and we make it, I'm considering something back home if I can...if she doesn't re-enlist. Something different, at least.”

“That would be wonderful, though if you choose to go back to the Alliance, Shepard, it would be understood for Garrus to follow somehow, or for him to continue with you as a Spectre. I noticed, son. Despite it all you sound happy.” There was a slight pause. “When will we receive notice of the mission outcome?”

Shepard straightened, her voice professional. “I've set an alarm to go off in Councilor David Anderson's personal omni-tool if my vitals quit for a certain amount of time and a second one for Garrus. He's been instructed to contact your family if so, at least for the second alarm, I mean. If we survive, we'll contact as soon as possible. It may be a few days before you hear anything, and I apologize because I know how terrifying the waiting is. I've informed my mother, and she is rather anxious while holding her own command right now.”

“Good. I appreciate you taking such measures. Might I have your mother's information? I'd like to speak with her, if I may. Get to know one another a little, since this is so significant to Garrus and myself.”

Shepard looked rather happy at the question. “Of course you can. I'll give it to you and let her know. And don't worry—she's always liked Garrus because of all I've ever told her. She knows I love him, and she adores him, too. No racism there, ma'am, only acceptance. My family was Alliance all the way, and we had a sort of turian family member for a large part of my life. Garrus has the respect he should.”

“That...is a relief. She sounds lovely.” Alaire smiled kindly. “Well, if you both survive, you must come to Palaven. I wish to meet you before I die, Commander. I want that honor.”

“Not sure it's an honor to meet me, ma'am, but I'd like to be honored by meeting you.”

“Very well.” Alaire turned to Garrus, her focus sharp. “I will deal with Atreyus. Do not fret. He is all vocals and less bite than he appears. Your father loves you, Garrus. He's just...not the best at showing it. Solana is much more like him. You, son, are like me. You have a good heart, and you hate anything getting in the way of doing what is right. Yet you feel deeply, even if you do not show this—that you get from your father.”

Garrus nodded in thanks. “I hope he...goes easy on you.”

“Being terminally ill has its benefits, I suppose.”

“Spirits, Mom!”

Alaire laughed, but broke into a harsh cough for a few moments. At their obvious worry, she held up a hand. “I am fine. It's fine. I have a machine to breathe with through the night and much medication.”

“I tried, you know. The smartest salarian I know contacted a few medical groups. I made donations to them for the purpose of finding you a cure. And even if they can't in time, they will try to find it for someone else in your memory,” Garrus explained and tightened his grip on Shepard.

Alaire's orange gaze roamed him with love and approval. “Thank you, son.”

“You're welcome, Mom. Be aware a fair amount of that money was actually Shepard's entrusted to me when she...left. We decided together to do this for you.”

“I...thank you both, then. Alright. Garrus, you may leave now. I wish to speak to her.”

He raised a brow plate in suspicion. “Uh...why?”

“Because I want to,” his mother countered with a smirk. “Shoo, boy. Let me meet Shepard.”

Garrus grumbled but rose in understanding so Shepard could take his seat. She laughed as he shook his head and leaned into the screen. “Her first name is Athena, Mom. It's a human goddess name.”

“How lovely. Athena. I like it.” Alaire smiled at Shepard and adjusted her sitting position. “Garrus, you're still here? Go do something. You can leave your girlfriend for a few minutes. Don't be so clingy.”

“That wasn't just horrifically embarrassing,” Garrus sighed with a laugh. He bent and rubbed his face to Shepard's, his mouth pressing over hers quickly in a kiss. “That, Mom, is a human kiss. Crazy, huh.”

“Strange looking.”

“Feels good, though.”

“Out, Garrus,” Shepard ordered, finger pointed over her shoulder. “Go calibrate. I'll ping you before bed.”

Garrus threw his arms up in surrender, then waved at his mother. “Love you, Mom.”

“Love you, too. Will message you tonight one last time before you go. Stay safe, Garrus.”

“I'll try my best.” Garrus nodded as Shepard gave him a brief smile and turned back to talk to his mother. He exited the cabin, his heart very light. No matter what would actually happen with his family, his mother approved. And that was the one he realized that he truly needed to support him: not his sister, not his father, but his dying mother. Garrus inhaled deeply as he rode the elevator down, more determined than ever to kick Collector ass and get home.

   
  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please keep in mind I wrote this well before Andromeda's tease of an Easter egg, and even seeing that after all the hype Garrus gave us in game, I didn't feel it lived up to the characterization even with a glimpse. I've fleshed his dad, sister, and mother out fully, and scenes with the family will be in Vol 2.5 after this ends.


	59. Promise Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Relay battle, actual final mission with all its details, an ending, and a hint at Vol 2.5 all coming. :)
> 
>  
> 
> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> Mass Effect copyright to Bioware.  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

  
  
  


 

 

Shepard stepped from the shower, toweling her wet hair. With a heaviness in her limbs, she pulled a pair of shorts over her underwear and a tank top over her head. Her feet carried her out of the bathroom and into her cabin, her mouth remembering to smile because of Garrus's mother's words and not those of the Illusive Man she'd debriefed after.

“Do what must be done,” Alaire Vakarian had told her with her son out of the room after some small personal Q and A. “Then bring him home, Athena. And come home with him or he shall be broken.”

“That's the plan,” Shepard had assured her. “I want everyone to come home.”

Alaire had sat closer before saying goodbye, coughing a little and sending her a sweet turian smile. “I will look forward to the day I meet you, daughter.”

Shepard had flushed. “Kind of you, but, um...we're just...I'm just his....”

“Long haul, so he called it,” Alaire had drawled, smiling again.

She'd grinned.

“Thank you for speaking with me, Shepard...but thank you most for the light back in his eyes,” Alaire had said with a gentle nod and a kind wave, and had left Shepard sitting in her chair with wet eyes and a grateful, shaky heart until she couldn't stand it anymore. 

To finally know the smallest bit about his mother...to feel _accepted_ by someone whose judgment she feared so much, and for it to happen right before she might die, well, it was overwhelming to handle with the rest of the pressure building above her head like a space age guillotine held up by Fate's coy hand.

She collapsed upon one of the couches, focusing on breathing exercises, going through the old turian stretches Caios taught her with the hopes that maybe he and her father would both be looking out for her in the next 24 hours.

The door opened and shut behind Garrus, and Shepard smiled at the bottle in his hand when he raised it up. With a little shake of her head, she sighed. “Wine? Now? Takes me back to our first time.”

“Yeah, so.” Garrus shifted with a smooth shrug. “Figured we could both use a fucking drink before possibly our final night together.”

Shepard's eyes closed. “Yeah.”

“I don't think it will be, though, A. I think we're going to kick ass and leave them decimated with all kinds of payback,” he said as he sat down on the couch next to her. “And then we're going to limp home, heal up, and get the hell out of here.”

“I'll drink to that,” she muttered, pouring her glass as soon as the bottle was opened.

They sat together, watching the fish as they drank, and when she poured herself a second glass, Garrus glanced back to her.

“You...okay?” he asked directly, staring her down with love. “Seriously, Shepard, I'm pushing through because of you. I can't imagine how you're _really_ feeling right now...the pressure.”

“There's absolutely pressure, but honestly, Garrus, at this point I'm just fucking angry.” Shepard finished her glass and sat it upon the small table in front of them. “I have faith we'll do this. I'm just sick that we ever had to do it to begin with. I don't know why everyone was taken, and I'm terrified. That pile of bodies on the ship we saw...what if that's all we find?”

“Then we get as high a vengeance as possible,” Garrus replied sadly. He sat his glass down as well, then held out his hand. “C'mon.”

“Hm?” she asked, tired green eyes warming as she took the offered fingers. “What?”

Her boyfriend smirked, and she wished he'd been able to keep his bandage off longer to see it better. Soon he wouldn't need it at all, and she was _glad_. She missed seeing all of him.

Garrus pulled her to her feet, then swept her off of them, holding her bridal style while he walked to the bed. Slowly he bent his knees and sat upon it with her, nuzzling her neck and licking under her jaw. Shepard's head fell back, her green eyes relaxing with her lips parting in quiet moan.

“I love you,” he whispered with a kiss to her cheek. His good mandible rubbed into her sweetly before their eyes met again. Those turian blues tugged her heart as they watched her so openly with strength...but also with unspoken fear.

Shepard swallowed and cupped his face, thumb stroking along the mandible particularly to soothe him. “Love you, too. You're my rock, Garrus.”

“And proud to be,” he said with a soft reassuring subharmonic.

Shepard bit her lip. “Your mom said to bring us both home to her. I'm gonna.”

“I believe it. She likes you.”

“I think so.”

“No, she _does_. Seriously, A.”

She smiled to herself. “Honestly, that's a huge relief.”

Garrus snickered and rubbed his ribbed nose to her cheekbone. “That's how I felt about _your_ mother.”

“Fair.”

“You know...this is it, A. This is the new Ilos run,” Garrus murmured and scooted backwards over the bed, hands swinging her slightly to straddle him. “You feel it?”

Shepard nodded. “Yeah, I do.”

“Good. So this time fuck me, Shepard. Love me. Do _something_ to me. I'm _bouncing_ inside, I'm so wound up. Give me one 'F' now, and I'll get the other through the relay.”

Her smile was bright and unrestrained for just a moment, but that moment was enough to revitalize her in a way she needed personally. Shepard slid her hands over the front of his carapace with a terrible grin, loving his chuckle below her.

“Can do, hon,” Shepard whispered and leaned over him, firmly kissing that waiting turian mouth. “Clothes off.”

“You first,” he urged, voice sexy as sin.

Shepard licked her lip and slowly pulled her tank off, sliding it up her skin to bare her breasts. Garrus rumbled beneath her, and rough turian hands teased up her torso to cup them eagerly with learned experience. Carefully she balanced on one knee at a time, pulling at her shorts and underwear until they also slid off her legs, and she threw them behind her to the floor with her tank top.

Naked above him, covered with little healed scars from over the years, Shepard drew on her inner strength and felt empowered, felt almost like her namesake preparing for every kind of battle by drawing energy from their connection.

Garrus groaned, his hands shifting down her body to rest over her thighs and grind her against the bulge that had slipped out of his pelvic plating. She happily went with the silent suggestion, working over him until she was needy and wet and he was panting and begging her to strip him.

Together they worked between pauses for kisses and touch, pulling turian clothing left and right, working it over fringe and shoving it past leg spurs and taloned toes. The hard blue cock was slick against her slit when she rested back over him, straddling him with a firm hand over the point of his cowl.

Her free fingers slipped down to tease his tip, and she stroked over him with her body and her hand, watching Garrus's head weigh against the pillows and his talons slightly rip her sheets as they twitched.

“ _Babe_ ,” Garrus moaned, staring up at her with a _hot_ look in his eyes.

Shepard thought back to Alchera, to what they'd managed to swing in her old captain's quarters in the remains of the _SR1_ , and she raised up with invigoration. Garrus cocked a brow, watching her position him before hissing out a relieved breath the second she sheathed down upon his cock.

“Fuck,” Shepard breathed out. Her body felt like it was on fire, she was so damn warm. She rode him eagerly, purposefully, each rise and fall a command he obeyed with hands held out for her to take and push against.

Garrus whined, his body almost vibrating with the sounds of moans she never would have heard had she not died and been almost reborn. Shepard moved faster, angled slightly forward, and ground against him, ignoring the tender little rubbing of his bit of thigh plating to her skin.

He was so hard within her, so desperate. Garrus closed his handsome eyes, his breath panting from him as he fought instincts and let her control it all. So Shepard took everything she needed, pulled love from him with each slam back over him until her head threw back.

She came moaning his name, seizing up a second with the arch of one foot tightening behind her.

Garrus, far from finished, instantly sat forward with a kiss to her breast. Shepard felt him lift her off and let him position her, feeling almost like a posable doll by that point and coming back down from the intensity.

She looked back over her shoulder once she was on her hands and knees, grinning. “Could have just _said_ you needed that, you know.”

His neck flushed a little, but Garrus climbed up behind her anyway with confidence and took her ass into his hands. He leaned enough to nibble on her shoulder, the sharp points of his teeth lightly pressing before his tongue licked all the way down her spine in a precise line.

Shepard arched her back, primed for him all over again.

Garrus slid back inside of her, and Shepard felt him move gently at first, tender with the touch of a talon over her hip before he gave into the urges she knew were gripping him. Green eyes wide on her pillow in front of her, Shepard thought back to the first time they'd tried this position—of how intimate it had gotten then, of how tightly he'd gripped her when he'd come with a hoarse cry.

Teasing his instincts was something she'd come to love doing during moments like these. She did so slightly now, pushing her weight back against him and deepening the crash of their bodies. Garrus moaned, twisting his head side to side a little when she looked back at him.

Blue eyes were open. So open and bared and hoping against hope for the nightmare they were going to face in less than nine hours.

Shepard felt her own eyes wet some as he used an arm to lift her more on her knees and not her hands, and Garrus held her while they made love, each thrust bringing the feeling of solid security into being.

“Athena, I... _mmph_ , fuck, I can't....”

“Garrus,” she murmured, trying to reassure him.

“I can't lose you again,” he whispered, thrusting harder into her with desperation. “So, I won't. I... _fucking_... _won't_. You die, I die. You live, I live. There is no other option.”

“Hon,” she murmured, biting her lip when he adjusted for a really good angle.

“Promise me,” Garrus demanded, taking full control as he pummeled into her with everything he had, all the love inside of him.

“Turian promise,” Shepard gasped, hand doing the motion of the promising gesture and clenching as her second orgasm hit. She felt him jerk, heard his low sexual groan. “Oh God, Garrus!”

He kept going, thrusting through his own climax until she, oversensitive and unable to even keep her own weight upright anymore, let him hold her entirely as she melted in his arms; Garrus bit down on her throat, riding out the rest of his orgasm with a growl that she knew she'd remember the rest of her life if she got the chance to live it.

They both collapsed not long after in a mutual heap of exhaustion. Shepard didn't get up, grab any tissues, or ask him to move. She passed out, mercifully finding the rest she feared she wouldn't get at all.

She slept, never feeling him clean her thigh for her. She slept without seeing him stare at her for another hour, terrified and resolute, holding her tightly to him the rest of the night when he, too, finally fell asleep curled around her, determined to protect her from the galaxy and even herself if he fucking had to.

 

 

\------------------

   
  


 

One by one they stepped around the galaxy map while the _Normandy_ waited near the Omega-4 Relay's orbit.

One by one they took their places, their mouths silent and subdued, but their eyes burning with the heat of the sun.

One by one they watched her enter and step up before them in full armor, her red hair visibly blazing against the black at her neck.

And one by one they waited, all prepared.

Shepard took a breath and glanced about the CIC. “Joker.”

“Yes, Shepard?” he asked readily, seated in the cockpit with a glowing EDI nearby.

One last look was spared over each face, taking in the individual nods.

Shepard locked her jaw and gave the order she'd been brought back to life to say. “Take us through.”  
  
  
  


 

 


	60. Through the Omega-4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> Mass Effect copyright to Bioware.  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.
> 
>  
> 
> [Sorry for repost/change. Mordin's mentions weren't in there for some reason when I double checked it just now. -.-]

 

 

 

 

 

No one spoke at first.

People dispersed to stations. Garrus immediately went back down to keep an eye on the guns, Tali to engineering as their sole operator, and the rest prowled with restlessness among the halls, their energy levels high and needing to be spent.

Shepard stood behind Joker's chair with Miranda and EDI's blue holo. Her gloved fingers were tight to the back of the chair, and Miranda crossed her arms, blue eyes glancing to catch Shepard's gaze with a confident nod.

“Mark. 3...2...1....”

They all braced as the ship went FTL through the relay, and the second they emerged out of its path, Shepard almost choked on her breath. So much redness. So much dust. So much shock and _realness_ and her memories of that beacon on Eden Prime screamed through her as if in warning, the colors bleeding together for a single moment of time.

Debris of thousands of ships floated dangerously everywhere, jagged and broken and ready to puncture _their_ ship that had yet to slow from its immediate drop into the core area.

“Shit!” Joker shouted, hands moving fast over his panels. “EDI, slow us the fuck down! I have to bank left!”

Shepard and Miranda held onto opposite walls in the cockpit as Joker piloted them through the field of debris as quickly and safely as possible. The _SR2_ still bumped and bruised its way through part of it, and Shepard closed her eyes, praying the damn upgraded kinetic barriers would hold.

“Diagnostic, EDI,” she demanded over the vibrations shaking her from her feet up. “Are we going to break or what?”

“Barriers steady and holding, Commander!”

“Good,” Shepard exhaled, relaxing more as Joker cleared them from the worst of the field with a loud sigh.

The pilot gave his shoulders an alert shake. “Whew. Big energy signature up ahead, Shepard. Target, most likely.”

“Carefully take us in.”

EDI's blue holo flickered beside Miranda brightly. “Smaller signatures moving!”

Joker swore, hands moving quickly again. “Hold on!”

Garrus's voice echoed across the comm on her omni-tool and the ship's intercom system as he shouted, “What the _fuck_ is going on out there?”  
  
“Brace, people, we've got a bogey!” Shepard replied, Miranda scowling nearby looking out the closest bit of window.

The ship rolled between broken floating panels of a cruiser, and Shepard saw a silver blur streak past the window and go around before they felt the struggle of their armor and barrier against whatever laser the bot had.

“Kill that fucking thing!” Shepard ordered, almost nauseous with the ship movements.

“Too quick, Shepard, I can't get a bead on it!”

“Commander, one of the signatures is attempting to pierce through the cargo hold!”

Shepard cursed, looked to Miranda, and jerked her head.

“Let's go, Shepard,” Miranda nodded. “Don't make us vomit trying to deal with this, Moreau.”

Joker fake laughed loudly while the ship banked hard to the right, tossing them a moment. “Hardy-fuckin'-har. Go _kill_ this stupid thing!”

Shepard ran through the CIC, Miranda's heels slapping after her, both snapping on head gear and tumbling into the elevator with another roll of the ship. “Whoever can get down to cargo through fastest or by the maintenance hatches, get there _now_ and helmets fucking on! We've got something incoming, and Miranda and I are in the elevator!”

“On it, babe!” Garrus immediately replied.

“Meet you there, Shepard,” Zaeed rumbled across the comm.

Grunt laughed, the sound both eerie yet comforting.

Mordin muttered, thoughts going faster than Shepard could keep track of.

And Jack cracked her knuckles loud enough for the mic to pick the sound up as she laughed. “Party's already here, Boss, and I'm the fuckin' calvary.”

Rough screeching of metal echoed through the ship, and Miranda and Shepard exchanged a glance. “I hope that's our biotic idiot,” Miranda muttered, black hair tossing over her shoulder.

Shepard winced as the screeching got louder with the elevator drawing closer down to its source. “For once, I don't think it is.”

The boxy elevator settled itself around them, and the door opened in time for them to see Jack with her mask on standing in front of an eyeball-looking silver bot, the cornea part like a giant laser that hissed out red the second the bot pushed through a hole in the side of the ship and loomed over Jack.

“The fuck is this thing?”

“Some sort of oculus? I don't know.”

Before Shepard or Miranda could move, Jack grinned, sprung a big barrier up to protect herself and shouted over her shotgun's fiery blast, “Come _get_ me, fucker!”

“She might grind your gears, but that right there is why I love her,” Shepard shouted over the din to Miranda's smirk, and they both ran forward to provide backup for the badass biotic.

Warping from Miranda and Jack both wore on the armor of the enemy, weakening its integrity for Shepard to cloak and dart about the cargo in the hold, incineration tech flinging from her omni-tool with timed shots of her pistol.

“This thing's too slow. I'm gonna just jump through this window,” Grunt drawled with eager consideration.

“Grunt, don't you _dare_!” Shepard shrieked into her end of the connection, ducking the laser as it focused on her for a second. Jack swung around her, fist on the floor in a somersault, and kicked out a biotic wave that slammed into the oculus and knocked it back. Shepard hoofed it and rolled behind a small section of piping, sucking a lungful of air in with even _more_ appreciation for her tattooed felon friend.

“But, Shepard, I'd be there in two seconds. Literally. I can see you. Want a me to wave like a moron or shoot the fucking thing?”

“Grunt, _no_. I want _minimal_ damage to my goddamn ship! We want to get _back_ , if possible.”

“Yeah, well, while you pecking hens debate, I'm already riding down,” Zaeed snickered. The sound of his rifle tapping the door echoed to Shepard's ear. “Stupid krogan.”

“Come _on_ , you guys,” Shepard yelled, feeling like a goddamn mother. “Play nice, kids, Momma needs you now.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Grunt mumbled.

Miranda overloaded the oculus as its laser almost ripped across her cover. Shepard smiled behind her visor, loving Jack's barrier springing up to protect her XO for Miranda to focus intensely.

“Almost there, babe,” Garrus spoke over connection. “I'm working through the ladders since _someone_ took the fucking elevator a single floor down as I was trying to get inside!”  
  
“Can't fit in a damn pipe, you stupid turian, and _someone_ won't let me blow out a window,” Grunt snapped back, then chuckled. “Save me some fun, Shepard.”

Shepard fired two shots before popping her heat sink, helmet against a large cooling unit in the bay as she hid and took a breath.

“The bloody hell is this thing?” Zaeed called out, the sound of his rifle firing as the bot screeched and backed away, getting overwhelmed quickly.

She chuckled, unable to handle the strange surreality of everything happening at once, and Grunt exited the elevator about the same time Garrus emerged from another set of maintenance tunnel. Grunt charged at the laser projecting intruder with a loud laugh, knocking his head on it from behind while Garrus did a running slide onto his ass next to Shepard, hand briefly over her armored thigh for a single breath.

“You good, A.?” he asked, rifle out and prepping with ammo modification.

“I'm good,” she nodded, not wanting him distracted. “Shoot the damn thing.”

“On it,” Garrus replied and leaned around the corner with an Overload spread and some bullets.

“Jesus, Joker, did you get rid of the other thing yet or _what_?” she demanded, risking a peek to check on the floating bot.

“Almost! Got some destroyed in the debris, but you guys need to _hurry up_!”

“We're getting it!” Garrus countered, subharmonics gruff.

Jack called Grunt's name, and Shepard watched, eyes wide, as the krogan bent to a knee and Jack leapt atop his shoulders, straddling him with her hands throwing out a giant pressuring biotic wave. She screamed with the energy warping about the room in front of them, and the rest watched, stunned as Jack _forced_ the enemy back toward the hole it had created. She surrounded it with power and then slammed her fists together with a war cry, crunching half of it and leaving it crippled and stuck.

Miranda quickly threw out her own blast of biotic power, and the dying screech of the bot was all the could hear before it got shoved out of the whole and sucked into vacuum and the kinetic barrier sprung back up in its place.

“Jack, you're getting a fucking promotion,” Shepard called, so damn proud of her. She got up and strode over to where Jack still stood, a little wobbly now, on top of the krogan balancing her with a smirk.

Jack laughed, exhausted for the time being, and jumped down off of Grunt, breathing heavily with her hands on her knees. “Whatever, yay, just get me a fuckin' snack.”

“It _was_ impressive,” Miranda admitted, a small smile on her lips.

Garrus's brows popped up behind his helmet next to Shepard's doing the same thing. Zaeed rolled his eyes. Jack shrugged, unsure if she wanted the compliment or not all the same.

Joker's voice echoed loudly. “Uh, guys? Got another one. Last one, I think. It got out of my peripheral, and EDI says it's heading your way!”

Jack growled. “If he's serious, I might go break his legs.”

Shepard told Garrus to watch the hole across from them and quickly checked in on the rest, pleased that Jacob was monitoring the core from Life Support, and Thane had taken over for Garrus, ready to alert him if anything changed in the next few minutes. Samara stayed with Tali, helping the quarian in engineering with any directive Tali had, and Legion stood with them both, tentatively helping as Tali hesitantly asked it to aid her. Mordin kept in his lab, preparing last minute adjustments to the seeker swarm tech as he feared the problem was about to supremely increase. Kasumi was watching Jacob watch the core, and while not surprising or helpful, it did make Shepard smile briefly.

Relieved, she turned to speak to Garrus. The second oculus burst through just as she did, and the ship turned at the same time, throwing everyone to the floor with loud, painful thumps.

Garrus landed atop of Shepard, and she moaned in a painful way, muttering, “You're so much heavier in armor, Garrus.”

“Sorry, babe. Trust me, that's not how I'd prefer to be on top of you.”

“Screw after we kill this thing, assholes,” Jack snickered and pumped her shotgun, back on her feet and a barrier out to protect them from the laser already priming.

Zaeed chuckled from his spot behind some stacked crates. “A woman after my heart.”

“Zip it, old man.”

“Shepard, orders?” Miranda's voice reached over the rest of the noise.

Shepard and Garrus scrambled back behind where they'd hid originally, checking sinks before each leaned around respective corners to whittle down the armor on the new asshole trying to sizzle them out of existence.

“Cooperate, people! Grunt, use some fire on this thing. Jack, Miranda, keep on the warping pressures or knocking its attack off center. Zaeed, try to crack the lens if you can. Garrus, you and I will try to rip a hole in the side if we can.”

“On it,” they all managed to say at once, and Shepard shook her head, partially amazed and partially amused to hell.

She'd imagined the flight to their destination a hell of a lot differently than this.

They synchronized beautifully. Grunt nearly got burnt by the laser at one point, but he ducked the beam and landed a solid punch that dented the bot's side slightly, swinging with a follow up as the beam stopped in surprise and hit the glass. The pressure knocked the bot back some, and together they unleashed until the active red light dimmed out and the enemy lost control of its gravitational effect and fell with a heavy _clunk_ that knocked Shepard clear off her feet nearby and into Garrus's arms.

“It's done, Joker!”

“Good, get the hell up here. We've got special company.”

“Grunt, roll that fucking thing out the hole. The rest of you, back to stations,” Shepard ordered, pleased when people moved with purpose and no talk. She squeezed Garrus's hand in the elevator, nodding as he stepped off back to the battery, and she rode up to the CIC again with Miranda. They walked as a pair up to the cockpit. “What's going on, Joker?”

“Old friend's coming out to play,” Joker hissed, smiling darkly as he straightened his hat over his head. “Time to show them our new _teeth_.”

“Guns are ready, Jeff,” EDI stated, flickering. “Officer Vakarian is prepared at station.”

“Damn core's lighting up like Christmas,” Jacob spoke as they all _felt_ the guns prepping with sheer power.

Shepard watched the Collector ship that had destroyed the first _Normandy_ and taken _her life_ make its way toward them from a giant version of itself, out of a hive-like ship that likely functioned as a home world of sorts for the Collectors.

Her fingers tightened into a fist at her side, and she sneered. “Smoke 'em.”

“You got it, Shepard,” Joker grinned and gently cracked his fingers, buttons lighting up in sequence as he took the Collector ship head on and slapped on last command on the terminal. “Give 'em _hell_ , girl!”

Miranda and Shepard watched, fascinated, as the beam of the main guns shot out under and in front of them at the coming nightmare of a traveling bug nest, a cause for every nightmare and every tear, a catalyst for every loss and every broken hope she and everyone she'd known before had had.

The blue of the beam tore straight into the Collector ship, and Joker angled the _SR2_ , traveling below the responding plasma that had once taken so much from the pilot, too.

“Look at this shit!” Joker laughed in front of her as part of the Collector ship blew out of its side. They swerved around another plasma shot and fired their own again, and Shepard smiled with Joker, leaned around his chair and cheering him on.

“Go! Fucking _get it_ , Joker!”

“YES!”

Shepard's mouth dropped in equal parts satisfied vengeance and relief as the Collector cruiser exploded before them. And in that same instant of thought, she knew that if it weren't for _Garrus_ himself, they'd never have done it.

She _loved_ that bird.

“What's going on out there?” Garrus asked in her line right as the thought was processing itself.

Shepard's throat was full of emotion. “We did it. _You_ did it. I love you, you gun-crazy turian.”

“Fuck _yes_!” Garrus shouted, making her flinch with the comm. “Love you, too! Yes!”

“Wait, Joker, what's going on? Why does it look like—”

“Shit! Brace!”

Shepard closed her eyes as a wave of energy from the explosion rocketed their way. Even at their slight bit of range, the wave came heavy and fast, and the impact hit with an electrical smack; the cockpit became a blaze of light from the surge, and EDI's voice rang with worry as she tried to control the shock to their systems.

“We're going down!” Joker alerted them all, and the ship nose dived toward the base itself. “Hang the fuck on, people!”

Miranda's jaw was tight, but she wasn't rattled as she held onto the wall with Shepard, both of them cringing in preparation.

“We knew this was likely a one-way ticket, Shepard,” Miranda murmured while Joker was scrambling in front of them with EDI's help. “And if so, I'm proud to have gotten _this far_ with you.”

“Miri,” Shepard murmured and squeezed her friend's hand, eyes closing when the _Normandy_ landed hard.

The ship rocked, one wing clipping but not breaking on something solid, and they skidded several meters. Shepard kept hearing the ringing of the metal on metal, almost as if it were war drums pounding from her brain to her blood, racing her heart and her determination all the more.

They all quietly took a collective breath in the cockpit.

Shepard sighed. “Sound off. Who's not dead?”

“May have _broke_ a rib this time,” Joker grunted in his chair.

“Will attend to needs of pilot,” Mordin quickly, thoughtfully, interjected. “Need a moment, Shepard.”

Miranda sat up from where she'd been thrown slightly, hand falling out of Shepard's.

“Crazy and I are fine,” Zaeed radioed. “Krogan's shaking off a head smack to the floor.”

“Jacob's good,” Kasumi murmured naughtily. “Very good.”

“Ugh,” Jacob sighed.

“Garrus?” Shepard demanded. “Where you at?”

“Fine. Just checking systems, sorry.”

Thane's low tones teased into her ear with his check. “Without injury, Siha.”

“Minor problems in engineering, Shepard,” Tali said, taking over the comms. “Legion and Samara are working with me on it. We must keep the field active over the hole in cargo, too.”

“EDI, designate what you can, save what you can, and keep us operable for one boost back to the relay _if possible_. Aria can tow my ass to Omega if we limp back enough,” Shepard said. She ruffled Joker's hat, bent and kissed him loudly on the cheek, and whispered, “You did it.”

“Bet your ass I did, Boss. For both of us.”

Shepard winked at him, then turned to Miranda. “Miri, get everyone in the meeting room. We need a plan for this thing. EDI, get me scans of the base if you can.”

“Working on it now, Commander.”

“Thanks, girl.”

Miranda relayed Shepard's orders, stepping away back down the CIC.

And Shepard stood halfway between the cockpit and CIC, staring out the front windows at the horribly ugly base they'd landed on, disgusted and mentally preparing for her destined meeting with the plasma-shooting bugs inside.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the Atlantis ref. Too good of an opportunity. :)


	61. Infiltration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [BIG chapter. Next one likely is, too, and epilogue probably as well. Will be sure to post first chapter of 2.5 same day as epilogue for sliding over easier for those interested. Thanks everyone.]
> 
> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> Mass Effect copyright to Bioware.  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


They each took turns on Mordin's table, letting the salarian doctor update and check the anti-swarm tech he'd modified overnight. Garrus sat through his turn after Samara had hers, and Thane stood near the door after him giving a slight nod in respect once Mordin declared Garrus finished.

The salarian worked fast, and within twenty minutes they were gathered around the briefing table with scans EDI had managed to get of the base itself. Garrus stood near Shepard's right, frowning as he tried to make sense of passage ways while Jacob and Miranda debated similar thoughts aloud.

Shepard double checked that everyone was Mordin-approved, and then she threw Jack a protein pack. “Eat up. Need you at your best.”

Jack smirked and ripped the foil open, taking a large bite of the strange human meal bar that Garrus had smelled only once, and once had been enough.

“All right, people. Game plan. EDI, what'cha got?”

“I advise a critical overloading of main control systems,” EDI replied with a highlight on the twirling holographic map of the base, “located here.”

Shepard twisted her mouth to the side in thought, and Taylor coughed. Shepard nodded to him. “See something?”

Jacob spoke, omni-tool lit up as he, too, interacted with the map. “Shepard, following through EDI's plan means we're going through the _heart_ of this thing. Right past _that_ big energy signature.”

Garrus would bet a thousand credits in that single instant that his girlfriend's briefly disgusted expression was her imagination transforming the hot spot on the holograph into a giant pile of bugs.

Shepard centered with an exhale. “Okay, so a big central chamber. Seems likely that's where our people are, if they've made it this far with everything. They've taken too many, but hopefully _our crew_ is at least still alive. My credits are on Collectors keeping them there.”

“Agreed,” Jacob said, then messed with his omni-tool more to bring up two blue pointers. “We've got two routes, here and here. We split up, give the Collectors distraction with dividing. Regroup in the central chamber at this convergence.”

“Hold it,” Miranda argued, gloved finger pointing. “They're both blocked. See these marks? Doors, requiring someone to open them from the other side.”

“Folks, every castle has its boltholes, and they are only exits if you're fleeing,” his girlfriend countered and leaned over the end of the table on her elbows in her armor. “So look hard. Where's the bolthole? Any shafts, anything even for just _one_ of us?”

Zaeed stepped closer with a sniff. “Yeah. Ventilation there.”

Shepard squinted, then thanked EDI when the shaft lit up a slightly different color on the complex map. “Thanks. Okay. We can send someone through there to fix the blocks Miranda mentioned.”

“Makes this _really_ a suicide mission,” Taylor murmured and crossed his arms, dark eyes prepared. “I volunteer, Shepard.”

Shepard smiled softly, but Miranda shook her head. “The enthusiasm's appreciated, Jacob, but we need a tech expert who can shut down the systems in time. The risk is high for death in there, let alone for the rest of us depending on them.”

Garrus and _everyone else_ all turned to look at Legion standing silently off to the side, the geth's light dodging about as if curiously waiting for them all to speak.

“Legion's second only to EDI on speed and hacking through _anything_ ,” Shepard said, stating everyone's collective thoughts. “Legion, you're in the shaft. Understood?”

“Yes, Shepard-Commander,” Legion answered, light blinking once.

Shepard's jaw tightened beneath the respect in her green eyes. “Good. The rest of us are splitting up. Two teams, like Jacob said. I'll lead one.”

“I'll take Fire Team Two, Shepard,” Miranda volunteered next to her. “We'll meet up with you at those chamber doors.”

Jack's foil wrapper glittered through the air as it was biotically tossed Miranda's way, and Garrus shook his head as the XO batted it. “Stomp the brakes, Shepard. Nobody in here wants to take orders from the Cheerleader.”

“Commander, now's the time for someone who _has_ commanded in field with loyalty and experience,” Miranda retorted, and for once Garrus sort of understood that drive there in Lawson's blue eyes. “This isn't about who likes who, who's popular, or who even gives a shit. Lives are at stake, ours and any crew left in there now.”

“Oh, I'm _aware_ ,” Shepard's face grew briefly dark, and both Jack and Miranda shut their mouths. “Jack, don't pull this shit now. We just kicked ass in the cargo bay. Get your fucking crap together. Miranda, I appreciate the truth of those words, but what I need on this is a leader who can handle finesse _and_ ragged without attitude clashing...someone who can...get creative, if need be, in a tight spot.”

Miranda bit her lip. “Very well, Shepard.”

Jack sighed, but nodded all the same, the fold of her arms as standoffish as her sneer.

Garrus waited patiently, watching Shepard for signs he'd seen in her on Ilos and the Citadel itself—the perseverance to get through the bullshit and thoughtlessness and the toll that strength took out of her. It was there in the shift of her weight as she leaned upright once more, spine stiff and straight, shoulders broad. It was there in the heaviness settling over her face, an abstract weight he could _feel_. And it was there in the glint of her eye, morphing into something new when she turned to look right at him with it.

“What?” Garrus asked, puzzled by that look.

“You. Lead Fire Team Two, Garrus.”

“Shepard, Omega was a nightmare. I'm grateful for the faith, but are you su—”

“Garrus, you can do this,” she insisted in a firm, encouraging tone.

Garrus glanced about and noticed other team members shrug or nod, and only Miranda had a slight frown of consideration before she relaxed and Shepard stared directly at him, into him, through his damn soul.

“Shepard,” he whispered, awed by that strength channeling his way.

She smiled softly. “You're a _good_ leader, and we all know it. Miri may have my back on a lot of things as XO on field and ship, but _you_ watch my ass and everyone else's. You can deal with cool and hot heads, and you'll punch if you have to instead of hesitate. You've got this, and I trust you.”

Garrus inhaled deeply, closed his eyes as he fought every last glimpsing memory of his apartment on Omega with its dead team, and reopened them with fire of eagerness bursting in his veins for those he lost then and for those standing around him right now. “All right. Let's do it.”

“Good. Next phase to be decided in the chamber once we know how it looks in there,” Shepard said, then slightly moved, shifting again before stepping into a brisk side-to-side pace as she looked around every face there. “Won't lie, people. You knew the risks, and they've tripled since we hopped the relay.

"Once we walk in there, it _won't_ be easy. The Collectors aren't going to roll over for us, oh no. They're going to defend this station with everything they've got. I'm betting on scions, husks, anything they can throw at us—maybe even those glowing assholes calling themselves Harbinger, controlled by what _I think_ is a fucking Reaper somewhere.   
  
"Now, we've lost who knows how many since the abductions started, and we may lose some of us finishing this, but here's my promise, to all of you and to everyone back home through the Omega-4: _No more_ after this _._ No more civilians. No more innocents. No more abductions. No expansion of Collectors taking other races, either. We stop them here, and we stop them cold on _our terms_. We make those Reaper-bought bug bastards _regret_ each life stolen, including _my_ own, because of the _hell_ we are about to unleash upon that nest. We make them regret Miranda brought me back, and we make those fuckers regret _everything_ else since.”

Garrus smiled, watching Grunt smash one fist into the other and Mordin nod with a smirk while Jack grinned, empowered, and even Miranda smiled at it. Taylor exchanged a nod with a snickering Kasumi, and Zaeed gave Shepard a look of total respect. Thane and Samara glanced to one another, the two calmest in the room next to Legion itself, and Tali looked to Garrus and Shepard both, hopeful and ready.

“Time to finish this,” Jacob Taylor urged, ready to go.

Shepard gave her best and toughest battle commanding presence, hand up and pointing around the room. “Miranda, Thane, Kasumi, and Grunt, you four with me to cover bases. The rest of you follow Garrus into the bigger path. Keep in constant radio at all times. EDI is priority channel one, and I'm two in case of comm issues so she can patch. Joker is channel three. Got it?”

“Got it,” they all said together, shoulders straightening and guns cocking.

Shepard pushed around the table. “Get up to the airlock. I'll give our investor one last heads up, and he'd _better_ be nice.”

Garrus waited as the rest began to file out, hedging himself near the door. The second they were alone, he grabbed her close and kissed her hard, hands on her armored hips holding her like the tough protection was nothing but skin.

Blue eyes burned when he pulled back, nose brushing close to hers.

His best friend, lover, and _everything_ stared back at him with love so strong it blinded him just a little.

“Spill it,” she teased, smiling at a phrase so _them_ over all this time.

“You've got this,” he told her confidently. “We both do, A.”

“I know, Garrus.”

“Watch your six until I'm back on it.”

“I will.”

“Kill everything and be safe as possible.”

“I will.”

Garrus took one last long inhale of her scent, imprinting it to his memory with the will to meet in that chamber. “I love you, Shepard. Let's go squish some bugs, babe.”

The corner of her mouth turned up, and her green eyes glistened wet. “Those might be the most romantic words you've ever said, Garrus Vakarian. Love you, too."

 

 

 

\---------------------------------

 

 

 

One surprisingly encouraging and only _slightly_ snarky meeting with the Illusive Man later, Shepard walked up to the cockpit after the rest of her team. She took Joker's outreached hand and clasped it, gripping and shifting into a hand hold and a fist bump, and then she bent with half a smile and bopped EDI's blue holo with a verbal wish of luck.

Helmeted outside for safety, they split into their assigned groups. Shepard looked once to Garrus as he trudged along his assigned path on a lit route on his omni-tool thanks to EDI, and she felt _pride_ in seeing him stride without hesitation or remorse, without guilt or unrestrained anger. He walked with confidence and the need to kick ass, a turian who would have won her heart then and there if he hadn't already.

One last nod was sent Team Two's way, and Shepard gave a hand signal to Legion as it took its own route ahead and to her left, utterly focused on its assigned task that _really_ couldn't have gone to anyone else.

Shepard took lead in her group of chosen misfits and entered their path to the central chamber. “Grunt, I'm expecting a mixture of close and mid-range combat. Anything long range is for Thane and myself, so you keep husks off of us or those red things from exploding too close. Punch a Collector out if you gotta. Miri, concentrate on overloading the weapons or warping the armor. Kasumi, I want you to use your flash bangs and cloak—maneuver these bastards and stun them for advantage. Clear?”

“Crystal, Commander,” Miranda replied calmly.

“Excellent. Let's go.”

It was almost hard to believe, but this was _it_. The beginning of the end.

They entered further in without fuss, but none relaxed. Each member stayed in position, grouped and prepared, and Shepard debated swapping for her pistol in the eerie quiet. The station itself felt so similar to the Collector Ship they'd just destroyed that it took Shepard a moment to hone back in.

The left side opened more in the nasty, hive feeling base, and the flutter of wings and scurrying vocals finally hit the comms.

Shepard bent along an organic formed wedge in the station, Thane at her side with his Viper out. Hand signals pushed Miranda up ahead, and once the plasma beams shot from across their front, Shepard ordered Kasumi to fling a flash bang _carefully_.

The high pitched ping caught their ears, but the blinding light overwhelmed the multiple eyeballs of the Collector drones, and by the time the smoke cleared Shepard watched in her scope, finger on the trigger, as Grunt burst through the dust and blasted his shotgun right into the face of the closest Collector. His elbow came up to dislodge the gun grip of the second closest while it tried to recover from the stun, and Grunt followed through with a head smash and a knee to the chest, bursting the head open as it kneeled before him for an executioner's shot.

Shepard smiled behind her lens, fucking proud of her krogan tank baby, and sent a round through the larger left eye on a farther drone, disabling it from its lined shot on Grunt. Miranda's biotics sounded to her left and front, tearing flesh, and Thane let out a wave of his own biotics to sweep three more drones off their feet as they'd closed in, leaving them open to Grunt and Kasumi's combined annihilation tactics and Kasumi's killer omni-tool and cloak.

“Good, good,” Shepard encouraged, taking out two more drones on her own with a combined incineration to Miranda's Overloading tech. “Keep moving! They wanna push us out! Grunt, stay level up there!”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Shep, there's some odd green thingy up here,” Kasumi commented, appearing again with her deactivated cloak by a strange barrier like obstruction.

Legion's voice suddenly broke the channel after, explaining in rushed mechanical tones, “Shepard-Commander, the path forward is blocked! Obstruction removal required, and immediate action necessary. They're valves, and without opening, the shaft will heat."  
  
“Fuck, I don't need a melted geth,” Shepard said and hopped cover, running with Thane and Miranda at her sides to Kasumi's location up ahead. “Legion, I'm here. What needs done?”

“Swipe your omni-tool, Commander, I've got it!” EDI stated, bodiless yet as energetic as the rest of the team with their actual blood pumping through real veins. Shepard swiped as requested, relieved when the green field dissipated and Legion could visibly move in the clear shaft next to them. “There! More valves exist, Shepard!”

Shepard quickly looked to her four team members with her. “You heard her. Let's get them out of the way, kill anything that tries to stop us, and get Legion there to open those doors!”

“Lead the way, Siha!”

Shepard nodded and ran forward, keeping an eye on any green glowing light in the distance past the shaft and oddly shaped walls. Actual synthetic cover appeared ahead with Collectors behind them, ready and waiting with their guns.

Kasumi's flash bang went off, and Grunt kept back more this time, taking advantage of his fiery ammo mod to burn through the nearest drone with all the shrapnel form his gun. Shepard caught the yellow glow around one of the Collectors and cursed, reloaded her rifle and ordered Miranda to warp the damn thing.

“We are Harbinger,” the possessed drone told them before sending a giant energy ball their way; Miranda's biotics hit it hard enough to knock the Collector itself back, but the ball kept coming, and Shepard called for them to duck and roll, grateful as she hit her stomach next to Thane on his to see the ball go over their heads and dissipate.

“Fucking bugs. Fucking _possessed_ bugs! Miri, we've got the yellow asshole. The rest of you get any others!”

“On it!”

Shepard sent incineration tech the possessed drone's way and swapped quickly for her pistol, cloaking and moving closer, watching as Miranda weakened the bastard to the point of slowing its ability to move. Shepard emptied a clip into it, satisfied when it burst into an almost ash-like state like on Horizon, and Grunt and Kasumi finished off the last drone with Thane's throw knocking it back again.

“Scratch one!” Garrus almost sang across team radio just as Shepard swiped her omni-tool over the second barrier and hotfooted it for the third visibly away.

She ran with a grin, sliding behind cover in sync with Thane. With a careful rinse and repeat strategy, they cleared out the next three Collectors, including the second possessed one thus far, and fixed the ventilation shaft for Legion to push on.

The fourth and fifth gates weren't accessed as quickly as the second and third with additional waves of drones flying in, thankfully without husks or scions joining the fray; it seemed the Collectors had hoped to merely out number them for now. Shepard kept busy with her pistol and tech, always teaming with Miranda on any additional possession captures and helping Thane cover Grunt and Kasumi on diversion within their fire team.

The sixth gate had no hostiles around it, surprisingly, so Shepard ran ahead of Legion for once in his tube and swiped her omni-tool, clearing the vent slightly early and rounding the next corner; she was almost shot by a surprise beam from a Collector hiding there, and she flicked her cloak on in reflex, ducking and sliding away for Grunt to come through behind her with the power of a frigate, slamming into one Collector and the other behind it, taking them both to the ground. The tight nook was too tight for flash bangs, so Kasumi focused on disabling with her omni-tool, giving mild electric shocks that amplified with Miranda's tech. Thane's biotics tore through a third Collector that stepped out, and Shepard took a deep breath, firing one last shot into one of the drones that had dodged Grunt's last swing.

Chatter from Team Two occasionally filtered through to her comm, orders and praise from Garrus to Jack especially as the biotic no doubt kept everything off of them well. Shepard tried to half-listen if possible for any safety concerns, mostly concentrating on the steps she took and having deep unwavering faith in her turian man to get the job done.

“Two more valves, Commander! The last one isn't too far, but there are several heat signatures coming to your location right now!”

“Thanks, EDI!” Shepard replied and pulled back on Grunt's arm when he started to go past her to the two platforms ahead. “This is getting too close. I don't like it. Stay back, use your Mattock. Concussive shot to keep them off balance. Thane, repeat waves if you can with throws. Kasumi, be _careful_ , and Miri, use those engineered talents of yours. I'm going for the first of the last two gates right here.”

“We've got your back, Shepard!” Miranda called, biotics already glowing around her.

Shepard heard the sounds of the Collectors flying close, and she turned her cloaking on and ran for the closest green light. Her cloak flickered out as she swiped, and Thane knocked a drone off its feet just as it spotted her and aimed. Shepard fired three pistol shots into its head at mid-range, took it down, and dove for cover next to Kasumi, shielding cracking slightly from a beam that managed to hit her in the run.

Grunt's subsequent concussive shot unbalanced the closest drone out of the five or six now shooting at them. Miranda focused intensely upon the drone that started to lift up and glow yellow, and Shepard ground her teeth in annoyance at the constant possession crap. A flash bang coincided with her aimed drain technique, and she pulled the last bit of protective barrier from the possessed drone, replenishing her shield just in time for Miranda to hit the drone with a severe warp.

Thane's bullet removed the drone then, before an energy ball could be fired last second, and Grunt fired his shotgun at the bigger Collector closing in, almost as if it lacked any sense of self-preservation at this point and was only trying to destroy them as quickly as possible.

Shepard started to panic after emptying another clip, because she could see Legion had caught up and was nearing the last valve.

“Shepard-Commander! Temperature rising!”

“Shit! Hang on, Legion!” Shepard shouted. “Kasumi, flank me!”

“Go, Shep!”

Shepard and Kasumi cloaked at the same time, running forward. Grunt distracted the drone farthest to her right with a solid punch to the face, and Thane and Miranda ganged up together biotically to wipe the two in the back row on the platform out of existence. Shepard did a running slide jump across some of the Collectors' cover; she couldn't see but could _feel_ the air around her shift as Kasumi flipped across it next to her, both of them breezing right past a Collector that spun, searching for what it couldn't see before Miranda smote it with her SMG.

Shepard reached fast and her omni-tool swiped right as EDI and Legion both were speaking at once in her comm with fear. The valve shifted, the temperature dropped, and Legion pushed on where she couldn't see into the room barred from them with the door sealed just feet away.

Kasumi kicked out at the last Collector straggler that flew down, her cloak fixing itself for her to dart away out of its gun's path. Shepard fired her gun at the same time that Grunt did his shotgun, and the Collector almost exploded with additional force from Thane and Miranda in a final biotic sweep.

Shepard stood up and ran for the door, banging on the side as her team caught up behind her, all of them catching their breath. “Legion! Legion!”

The sounds of wings fluttering in behind them was terrifying with them now trapped to hold the platform or run through the door the instant it opened. Shepard banged again, screaming as she heard Collector guns firing against Miranda's barrier about them, and the door parted a scant inch from her nose, the crack widening quickly, opening enough to fit Grunt through.

“Go, go!” Shepard ordered, grabbing Kasumi by the shoulder and shoving her through.

Thane jumped back, glowing hand up to provide cover if necessary, and Grunt followed him, Shepard and Miranda last through. Legion was struggling to close their door fast enough, and Shepard could hear banging on the door opposite the chamber where Garrus and his team were shouting to be let in, too.

“Shepard!” Garrus yelled, echoing through radio and metal so close by.

“Go! Open it!” Shepard shouted and bumped Legion out of the way, forcing it over to the other door and pointing Kasumi at the little interface the geth had been working with for their door. “Shut this, _now_!”

“Two seconds!” Kasumi replied, bending to her knees and quickly finishing what process the geth had started to get the door closing again.

Their door shut just as the other side opened, and Shepard spun, mouth gaping behind her helmet and gun raised: Jack and Zaeed were being forced back into them, trying to get a wave of Collectors off of their faces while Garrus and Jacob tried to draw fire, and Tali's drone fired rockets at her side. Mordin's incineration tech burned through a Collector that got _way_ too close for comfort. Samara's reaving biotics ripped another Collector in half just before it got possessed.

“Get back!” Shepard shouted, pulled the missile launcher from her pack, and aimed. Team Two fell back into the room. The moment they cleared, Shepard fired and the rocket blast hit the grouping of Collectors within fifteen feet and closing on the door; Legion managed to narrow the gap to avoid most of the back blast and dead Collector parts and ash.

Just before the second door sealed, Shepard heard a plasma beam again, and Garrus jerked back to the side, hand at his chest. Her heart hit her throat, and she almost screamed, moving for him while the door slammed shut and sealed behind her.

Garrus stumbled and paused, then looked up at her as she almost ran into him. “I'm okay! I'm okay. Broke the shielding, but didn't break the armor. Got lucky.”

“Damn it, Vakarian, don't scare me like that,” Shepard grunted and squeezed his hand, shaking a little in relief. Watching him in her memories of the Omega apartment was hard enough in nightmares, but feeling like she almost lost him again to something so senseless pissed her off.

Shepard calmed, though, when he squeezed back. “We made it, A. No deaths on our end.”

“Ours neither,” she answered the unspoken question, turning around to double check. “Everyone good?”

“Yes, Shepard,” Miranda confirmed, looking over the entire team.

Shepard exhaled, hands on her knees briefly. “Thank God. Fantastic work, _all_ of you. Legion, I've never been so proud of a geth.”

Legion's little brow flaps moved around the light that adjusted in an almost shy manner.

Jack gave Garrus a friendly shove with a grin. “Lovebird here didn't do too bad, Shepard. Sure you two don't wanna go pirate with me?”

“As of right now, I just want off this damn station,” Shepard smirked, but clapped Jack's shoulder. “Okay. EDI, talk to me.”

“Signatures ahead, Commander, but...not...hostile.”

“Move, people! Could be our group!”

They entered the main chamber, not so much shocked to find the pods they'd seen on Horizon and footage of Freedom's Progress, but painfully angry and relieved all the same. Shepard ran and wiped some condensation off a pod or two, looking inside and nearly screaming when she saw a woman's face in one of the pods, someone likely from Horizon itself.

“They're here! Oh my God, they're here! Get these damn things open!”

“Releases along the sides, Commander!” EDI informed her.

“Pick a pod and get it open!”

Shepard grabbed along the edges, feeling, and then Miranda gasped in front of Chakwas' pod. Shepard glanced up fast enough at the colonist to see the disoriented woman inside come slightly aware and then begin screaming in horror and pain as _something_ released inside of it.

“Get it open! Get it open _now_!”

Garrus cracked at one with the end of his rifle, and some of the rest of the team followed the move on their pods, bashing as hard as they could. Miranda's fingers quickly pulled Chakwas' pod sides apart, mimicking Shepard's hands with the fast movements.

The colonist pounded against the inside of the pod, but Shepard wasn't fast enough, and the hiss on the seals signaled the opening just as the woman _liquified_ inside the fucking container. Shepard almost jumped backward in horror, and thankfully her Commander brain took over and moved her to the next pod where Kelly Chambers was starting to wake inside.

Shepard got Kelly's pod open in the next fifteen seconds, and the poor woman fell out of it into Shepard's arms, shaking as she realized Shepard was _real_.

“Oh, thank you! Thank you! I knew you'd come!” Kelly almost chanted, arms tight around Shepard's neck.

“Most accounted for, Shepard,” Mordin spoke behind them. “Will be disoriented, possibly serious health concerns.”

Shepard nodded and untangled herself from Kelly as Chambers began to calm the hell down, though Shepard didn't blame the woman at all. Chakwas shook her head, trying to clear it, and Shepard grabbed the doctor tight, holding onto her the way she might her own mother.

“Fuck, Karin, I'm so sorry.”

“Shepard, dear, you're here. No guilt.”

Shepard sighed, barely feeling Chakwas pat her armored forearm. Shepard removed her helmet, needing a deeper breath. Quickly she counted over, relieved that her Cerberus crew seemed to be all accounted for, as Mordin thought. There were even a small handful of colonists still alive.

“Mordin, what the fuck happened to this woman over here? She went _liquid_ after some tiny things swarmed in there.”

The salarian stepped closer and peered around the pod of the unfortunate woman, yet another face that would likely grace Shepard's nightmares in the future if she survived the next hours at all.

“Nanobots, likely. Microscopic, but _lots_ of them.”

“What are they _doing_ with them? With this...stuff?”

“Processing us into this...paste. Matter itself, literally just genetic material,” Chakwas explained to her right, sounding exhausted. “I could see them route it from the pods into tubes that went elsewhere in the station. Where, I don't know. Why, I'm not...sure I wan't to know.”

Shepard shuddered. “Okay, well, we know our next step. Follow the tubes. EDI, can you find us a path?”

“Yes, Commander, but there's a problem. Swarms block the most direct route.”

“Upgraded armor,” Mordin grumbled. “Should be fine.”

“Let me clarify, Dr. Solus. _Massive amounts_ of swarm clouds are inside the area on scan detection.”

Shepard exchanged a long look with Mordin, and he shook his head, angry. “Can't protect from that many, Shepard.”

“Shit. Ideas?” Shepard asked, looking about the entire group of people, team and crew. “Anyone?”

Samara bowed her head slightly. “A strong enough biotic field or barrier may be enough to get a small group through safely, Commander, at least from swarms.”

Shepard sighed in relief. “Brilliant idea. Samara, you're almost a pure biotic based on being asari alone. Guide us through.”

“Yes, Commander,” the justicar acknowledged, strong and unbreakable.

Shepard glanced about again, gut eating at her.

EDI spoke up once more, stating, “There is a secondary path again, Commander, that may provide additional distraction. Less fire fighting with swarms is much more favorable.”

“Okay, okay. I'm going to do something a bit...rash here, because I have a _feeling_ where swarms are husks will follow for incapacitation. Jack, Thane, and Garrus, you three with me and Samara in case of husks. Miranda, lead the diversion squad. I believe in you all.”

“Thank you. I won't fail you, Shepard,” Miranda said and steeled her gaze after softening it just enough for Shepard alone.

Shepard did a quick check over the survivors. Ken and Gabby seemed more aware than most and more coherent like Chakwas and Kelly. Others were so scared they wouldn't talk.

She knew, then, that she had to move them. Now.

Shepard debated what to do as Chakwas asked, “What about us, Shepard?”

“Joker, you got a way back for the crew? Pick up? How's ship repairs?”

“Looking good, Shepard. I can pick up a small group, but they'll need escorted for safety,” the pilot replied, sounding ready and unafraid.

Shepard rubbed her eyes. “Mordin, go with them. They'll need aid. Kasumi, go with him as well in case they need distractions. The rest of you not going with me will go with Miranda—Zaeed, Grunt, Legion, Tali, and Jacob. Keep each other safe for regroup. Doc, once you get back, don't overexert yourself please. Let Mordin do his thing.”

“I'll try, Shepard,” Chakwas assured her, lighter green eyes grateful. “Thank you, Commander.”

Shepard squared her shoulders. “You've all got orders. Let's move out.”

People separated into groups. Crew followed Mordin and Kasumi back out of the main chamber, and Garrus stepped up to take her hand briefly as Miranda led her group to their next path's starting door.

“Babe?”

“Just...just need you on my six for this right now, Garrus. Samara will be fully distracted with the field, and Thane and Jack will have clearing focus. You and I are a great team, and we can take out anything we have to in order to protect the rest. Team Two are tough, and I know they'll make it.”

“Not doubting you, A. Just letting you know I'm right here,” Garrus murmured, bent, and kissed her head.

Shepard walked forward, chin up, the Commander firm and ready, the door slowly opening as she, Garrus, Thane, and Jack all stood under Samara's bright, powerful biotic sphere.

   
  
  
  
  
  


 


	62. Cohesion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> Mass Effect copyright to Bioware.  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

   
  
  
  


The blue orb was gigantic about them, able to house all five in tight quarters. Shepard took the left side to protect Samara, Garrus the right to the asari, Thane to the back, and Jack right up front in the blue protection. Energy pulsed through it, like blood through veins directly from bright light emitting via Samara's palms.

Shepard was in awe of it—the sheer size, the power required to maintain it, the _strength_ of their protective barrier as they stepped down a narrow path together and saw thousands of the muted swarm bugs hovering around unable to get through Samara's biotic sphere. Though she felt absolutely safe from the swarms next to the asari justicar, Shepard tried desperately to fight the shudder-inducing visuals of the dangerous insect-like creatures inches from her face outside the blue bubble.

Samara must have noticed, because with her next steps she murmured, “It will hold, Commander. I will not waver.”

“I believe you,” Shepard replied, yet again amazed by the individual prowess of her crew.

Carefully they navigated down a slight incline and straight ahead. Each person's eyes were wide open. Shepard kept her pistol raised at all times, Garrus his assault rifle the same, and Thane held one glowing fist ready, Viper in his right hand in case. Up front Jack herself was glowing within the bubble, a seemingly endless supply of energy, and at this point in time Shepard figured the woman just ran off of anger to fuel her the way Cerberus had unfortunately trained her to do.

Shepard might have lacked Garrus's very useful visor that she secretly envied so much, but her eyes were still observant enough to catch the movements of Collectors to their left. Some of the hostiles slightly blended in with the dark organic build to the rooms, but their large pupil-less eyes were easy enough to spot even with the swarms.

“Hostiles my direction, Samara's nine o'clock!” she called out. “We get to this slight corner here, we're stopping. Samara, I want you down to concentrate on keeping the barrier up with the swarms. The rest of you—let's take these assholes out quick!”

“You got it,” Jack grumbled ahead of her, turning to look with a sneer at the Collectors scrambling together nearby.

Shepard paused before an outsetting bit of wall, motioned for Samara to get down, and mimicked the asari next to her. Thane came to her other side, Garrus to his, and Jack stood up proudly, waiting. Shepard snickered. “Tell 'em we know they're here, Jack.”

“Hey, _fuckers_! I SEE YOU.” Jack shouted and unleashed a huge shockwave that cut across gaps of platforms and even through small cover, a freighter's huge force plowing through something small as a shuttle when it slammed into three Collector troopers, sending them feet over head into the air. They smacked into cover, each other, and walls, screeching and fluttering wings while trying to stabilize themselves from the broken limbs they incurred.

Shepard saw a Collector land out of the shockwave's path and lift up, starting to glow with telltale Harbinger signs. Before it could even speak the now annoying lines of announcing itself, Shepard sniped loudly, “Yeah, yeah, Harbinger, we know you're here by proxy.”

Garrus set an armor piercing concussive round at the possessed Collector, and it staggered back a second, but kept moving after. Shepard ordered Thane to warp the yellow arrogant bastard while she burned him, modifying her technique from before with Miranda at her side. Jack kept the rest of the shooting bugs preoccupied with waves of biotic energy, allowing Garrus to pick them off quickly with a switch to his Mantis and a squint of his blue eye behind the visor's precise aim.

Shepard and Thane hurriedly alternated powers and shots until her last fire tech throw burned through the quickly approaching possessed Collector; it was able to throw out an energy ball attack, though, and she screamed out a warning, all of them bracing as the energy smacked heavy into the barrier. Plasma beams from quickly followed, and Samara bowed her head, hands still open and powering the blue orb without breaking. Shepard sensed her struggle, though, with keeping it strong against the swarms and now incoming attack as well, and she shook her head.

“Hurry up! Wipe 'em out!”

Thane's Viper claimed a headshot from Garrus's Mantis, and Garrus grumbled next to them. “Show off.”

Shepard heard Thane's low unexpected rumble of a laugh, and she smiled while firing three burning pistol rounds into another Collector's head.

Jack finished the last bug off with a harsh pull of the bastard into a wall girder, repeated the move until it popped apart into pieces from the two pressures colliding.

“Samara, you good?” Shepard asked, looking over her shoulder at the asari's soft light colored eyes.

The justicar nodded. “Yes, Shepard. Thank you.”

“Garrus, anything on the visor?”

“Nope. They're done for the moment.”

“Move out!”

The got into formation again, Samara at the center calm once more and in control, and they angled away from where the hostiles had confronted them, moving more right in direction. It got tight at times, squeezing them together to get through at once without anyone stepping outside the bubble's protection or off the path and down a very long drop.

A slightly raised area was set up before them to climb, but before they got there, EDI came over comms to tell her that husks were climbing up the sides in front of them, preparing to strike. Shepard relayed the info immediately, pointed for Samara to stay in cover behind the first area of climbing, and she kneeled this time to Samara's left, watching the asari push the bubble out more to give them fighting room and closing her eyes tightly to concentrate.

“Garrus, you and Jack up front. Jack, wipe out anything husk or abomination before they get to us. Garrus, if Collectors show, they're yours. Thane, catch any husks or abominations that climb behind Jack's sight with throws. I'll help Garrus. Clear?”

“Clear, _Siha_ ,” Thane agreed, huddled to Samara's right and glancing through the Viper's scope.

“Shepard, husks are further down. I've got 'em.”

“Let loose, Jack.”

“Babe, wings to the right. Landing in front of the husks in a second. Visibility in three...two....”

Jack threw waves past where Shepard could see from her spot, but she saw the Collectors flying in to intercept them. Quickly she ordered Thane to throw the fuckers, and those hit by his throw field recoiled harshly backward, wings ripped and broken, and fell somewhere to their likely deaths. Shepard and Garrus tag teamed on the last three, whittling it down to Harbinger's proxy yet again.

Shepard ground her teeth, so damn sick of this asshole. “Why don't you show yourself, Harbinger? Why use a puppet?”

“ _I_ am in control, Shepard, not you,” the Collector replied, possessed voice dark and assured of itself in its creepy level of calmness. “Prepare to be vanquished.”

“Prepare to kiss my ass,” Shepard spit back, cloaking as she got fucking fed up and darted away, Samara's eyes large at her side.

Garrus's concussive round made the Collector misstep in its advance, and in spite it turned around from them to cut Jack from support, going behind her back where the moans of husks kept turning into sounds of _splat_ and _squish_.

“Don't you fucking _dare_ go after my girl,” Shepard hissed under her breath, vaulting over Garrus's cover right next to him, watching his blue eyes humorously widen with his visor noticing her invisible self even in the shitty lighting they had to see with.

Garrus hit the Collector, moving to her right to not shoot through _her_ , and Thane warped the yellow bug down more as Jack started to look over her shoulder mid-skull-breaking-punch to a husk's face.

“Any one of you idiots watching _my ass_?” Jack yelled, angry, and swung a glowing leg out against Harbinger's puppet just as it swung a fist.

Shepard leaped as her cloak faded off and landed upon the back of the bug, taking it to the ground at Jack's feet with force. She fired two rounds immediately into its head, but it kept squirming, so she punched. And punched. And punched until she was screaming, feeling almost like she was back on Edolus screaming at a thresher maw and a beacon that had killed Kohaku's marines.

“Vanquish _this_ , you fucking _bug_!”

Her last furious hit finished the Collector off, and it reduced to ash quickly below her as that kind usually did, making her drop from where she'd been slightly propped to her knees directly on the ground.

Shepard was breathing hard, trying to reign her temper back in, and suddenly there was a hand in her face. Green eyes looked up, red hair sticking with sweat to her brow falling somewhat into their gaze, but Shepard noted the look in Jack's own dark, makeup smudged eyes—a look of respect, of being impressed, and of sincere unspoken thankfulness.

She took the offered tattooed hand and was hauled to her feet, wondering the entire time why she still felt surprised at all by Jack's strength, biotic or not.

“Bad ass, Shepard,” Jack murmured before Garrus got climbed up behind them.

Shepard grinned, though she felt foolish.

“Good, babe?” her boyfriend asked, concerned, a hand on her armored back.

“Yeah, Garrus. Had to let that one out, apparently. Sorry.”

“Nah, it was cool to watch.”

Shepard stepped away, gestured for Samara and Thane, and when they got into formation once more, Thane glanced to her, blinking in his unique way with amusement silent in his gaze.

“Oh shut up,” Shepard groaned across the mic, sparking a scoff from the drell and the tiniest smile from Samara herself.

Samara carefully climbed up the platforms with Thane and Shepard protecting her as Garrus and Jack kept the front watched. Shepard caught the heaviness of Samara's movements—not just the precise manner of keeping one hand tied to the barrier at all times as she climbed, but the tenseness of her shoulders, as if she were Atlas holding the world and her posture was beginning to give for its weight.

“You okay?” Shepard inquired once they got reunited with Garrus and Jack.

The asari shrank the bubble back to its original size to shelter them still, and she nodded, though Shepard readily saw the weariness starting to show. “I'm fine, Commander. But it is getting...heavy to keep up.”

“Got it. Let's move quicker!” Shepard ordered, then tried Miranda on her mic. “Miri, how's Fire Team Two?”

“Fine, Shep-p-p....”

“EDI, can you clear up connection?” Shepard asked, glancing to see her team's concerned faces.

“I cannot, Commander. It's the swarms' interference.”

“Fuck. If you can, let Miri know we heard her, but we're having trouble now. We're going to keep moving and meet them asap.”

“Yes, Comm—”

“Damn it, her, too. We've got a small stretch left, I think,” Shepard told them, and they picked up the speed slightly, but not too fast to put more stress on Samara.

“Shepard!” Jack called from the front. “Husks, those red fuckers, and one of those blasting assholes!”

“Jack, Thane, keep them off of us! Garrus, you and me on the scion.”

“Got it, babe,” Garrus replied, already switching to the Mattock and peppering the moaning, hulking blue blobbed monster with his modded ammo.

Shepard kept up the pressure, ignoring the screams of husks and the flaming brightness of at least one abomination that got through the barrier, focusing her fire solely on the scion with Garrus at her side and trusting her other two squad mates to protect them from being overrun. Husks flew occasionally in pieces across her narrow line of vision from the biotic train Jack launched repeatedly at them, and Shepard managed to get one warning out just before the scion launched its blasting shield-damaging attack. It smacked like Jack's shock wave at them, hit the barrier with a crash and went through it at a reduced capacity. Samara groaned loudly and went to a knee with her bright blue palms still pushing. Jack flipped to the side, Thane curved against the wall's side, and seeing Samara was vulnerable somewhat, Shepard stood in the line of fire and took the hit, breaking the scion's attack and cracking her shield, sparing her justicar team member in the process.   
  
It felt like being run over by a krogan, and Shepard went backwards, staggering before finding balance. Her chest mildly hurt from the direct hit, but her armor wasn't cracked, thankfully.

Garrus snapped, furious that she'd had to take it, and as she ducked down at his side to recharge her shields, he unleashed that anger, emptying entire heat sinks into the scion.

Shepard was on her feet the instant her shields finished and threw one last incineration tech, timing it accidentally but spectacularly with a thrown abomination from Thane's direction that landed into her tech and the scion simultaneously. The result was an explosion, a huge one, fiery and powerful that wiped out any husks or abominations near it, setting off at least one minor boom from a red bodied death.

Jack brought her arms up to block debris from her eyes, her shielding taking the brunt of any pressure from the explosion, and when it settled, Shepard winked at Thane. “Nice timing, Thane.”

“I saw the opportunity. I took it,” Thane responded, calm but smirking the slightest bit. “Vakarian, any more visor responses?”

Garrus shook his head. “Some movement ahead, but not immediately on us.”

Shepard took a few more steps around a walled angle corner and saw the path go down a ramp directly in front of them to a door—the door they desperately needed so they could reunite with Miranda's squad.

“There!” she pointed. “Let's go!”

“Commander...I am...trying,” Samara replied, sounding mildly drained and now bowing almost with the pressure of keeping the barrier intact and in place. "Please...hurry!"

“Get her there!” Shepard ordered, voice enforced with Commander's grace under fire. “Husks!”

“Coming up the sides, A.!” Garrus called, visor no doubt catching the movements of fingers.

Jack shook her head, planted her right foot back, and swung her arms forward. “Fuck that noise.”

The biotic blast rocketed down the path, swiped everything off the sides into fragments, and hit the door with dissipating force.

They ran for it, all together, even Samara in her red heeled boots with her back still crunched and her arms still above her holding their little world.

“Go! Go, go, _go_!” Shepard cried out, seeing how fucking close they were and hearing the swarms pressing down outside the bubble. “Haul _ass_ , sassafras!”

Jack cleared minor obstructions, hit the side of the door, flipped backwards off of it and threw some biotics to protect their backs from husks shambling down the path behind them. Garrus was next at the door, and Shepard yelled for him to get it open, watching him bend to a knee at the interface, omni-tool lit up, turian fingers moving fast. Thane stood flanking Garrus to cover him, and Shepard glanced between Samara and Garrus, firing her pistol through the barrier at a husk and then a Collector that appeared as more began to fly in from the sides onto the ramp.

“Garrus!”

“I've got it! I've got it, A.!”

The door hissed open, and Shepard shook with relief. “Get inside! Now!”

Garrus obeyed, Thane after him, Jack following them both. Shepard slowly backed into the space, facing the path they'd taken, watching Samara prepare something terrifying.

The asari bared her teeth, aggressive and shifting to turn and face the sheer numbers bearing down upon them and the barrier. Like Jack before her on the path, she planted one red boot, brought her arms forward, and shouted, shoving all the energy powering the barrier right at the husks and Collectors and swarms in front of her.

Shepard watched, mouth gaping slightly, as the bright blue biotic power shoved outward like the explosion of the scion earlier, wiping everything from the path and popping most of the hostile forms into juicy bits of nothingness.

Samara breathed heavily, shoulders heaving up and down, and turned toward Shepard, walking in with dignity...head high, back unbowed, a warrior of her people indeed.

They got the door shut, protecting them, and ran to the other side. Without the disrupting swarms, their comms clicked back on properly, and EDI, Miranda, and Tali were all yelling at once, signaling how quickly the other team was being overwhelmed on the other side.

Garrus worked fast, following the pattern he had before, and the door pushed open, revealing the rest of their team. Jack moved to the front, the others falling back through the door around her, giving her space to wipe everything out.

Miranda's shield crackled and broke just as Garrus got that door shut, and Shepard ran over to check on her, relieved when her XO nodded that she was fine.

Everyone breathed heavily except Legion, which didn't _only_ because it didn'thave fucking lungs. Everyone took a desperately needed moment. And Shepard looked around them all, proud as hell.

They could _finish_ this. And with the determined looks on each face there, even Legion's little drawn down brows, Shepard knew they were ready.

Breathing finally slowing down, heart beginning to relax from its prior racing beat, Shepard smiled, nodding as they all stood tall, strong, and united before her.

  
  
  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be clear: One more chapter for ending Reaper fight, then epilogue after.


	63. Stand Your Ground

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riding by the skin of their teeth to the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BIG chapter.
> 
> Epilogue to come, so don't vanish on me yet. It's a set up for Vol 2.5 to start after. Will link the first chapter of that to this in the series, too. :)  
> [Thanks for reading.]
> 
> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> Mass Effect copyright to Bioware.  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
They didn't have long—not with the signatures still ahead in the central chamber, not with hostiles closing in from their prior paths, and not with each second of worry that EDI and Joker spent making the _SR2_ flyable for possible escape.

Even so, Shepard took a breath to steady. Closed her eyes and counted to ten while her team murmured amongst themselves, quietly determined and waiting for her next orders. And when Shepard exhaled with the quick modified turian exercise complete, she climbed upon a platform ledge near her to see everyone together.

They all looked up, even Garrus toward the front, watching with seriousness.

Shepard swallowed. “EDI, can you hear me?”

“Yes, Commander.”

“Joker, are you there?”

“Yeah, Shepard, ship's almost good. Mordin and Kasumi just got to the airlock with the crew. No deaths,” Joker relayed to them through each comm there, echoing slightly with the good news.

Shepard nodded, glancing over all the relieved smirks and nods back to her. Hands slightly up, she began to pace, mentally preparing with each word out of her mouth as she hoped to God this wasn't going to be another Virmire situation. “Good. Now here's the thing, folks. We still don't know what's ahead, but we know it's _hot_ on radar, and it's in the most core place it can be. It'll be protected. It'll be dangerous. And if it's whatever they've been liquifying people for, it'll be a fucking abomination needing wiped out of existence.

“But I can't take everyone with me, even having these hunches. There's a practical army of these fuckers coming on the other side of that door, and I can't risk our backs when we're facing whatever-the-hell's in the chamber. So...that means a group needs to stay. People need to hold the line, as Kirrahe would say, and I can't guarantee doing so isn't gonna be the final nail in your coffin on this mission.”

None spoke, but none wavered, not remotely afraid at all.

Empowered by that unity, Shepard locked eyes with Miranda's bold blues, listening as her XO and life giver replied, “We all knew the risks _and_ the odds. Pick a team, Shepard. The rest will stay and hold the door. They'll cover your backs.”

Shepard stopped pacing and smiled at the confidence given to her. “All right. Garrus, Thane, and Tali, you're with me to cover unknown bases of what might be in there. The rest of you I want here to keep us from getting overwhelmed—keeping the line drawn in the sand that _not one_ husk crosses and _not one_ fucking bug flies past.

“So Miranda, you're in charge. Jack, you keep husks off of people, listen to Miri, and the pair of you can control the field at all times with your strengths combined. Zaeed, I want you heavy on firepower with some guns and biotic back up from Samara and Jacob, and Grunt, I want you blasting and smashing heads. Legion, cover their backs for anything they can't see creeping around. Use drones for distraction.”

Miranda held her head high. “Any words to give us, Shepard?”

Shepard looked over the group firmly. “Yes. The Collectors and the Reapers are a threat to _everyone_ outside the Omega-4, not just humanity, and that is how big this moment is. _They_ are why we're here—everyone out there is counting on us, whether they even _know_ it or not. You are _strong_ , each and every one of you, and you stand here in a station beyond the relay most fear in dread because you are _the bravest_ people I know. You don't need validation from anyone else. You don't need a thank you. But you do need to stand here in these next deciding minutes of our _long_ journey together and make yourselves proud. Make me proud.

“Do your damndest to survive what's coming, because when I empty that fucking chamber, I'm blowin' it and we are getting _out_ of here. When Joker says to move, you move _together_. Protect each other, and we might have a fucking shot of not only winning this thing, but getting drunk on Omega later to celebrate the most surreal day of our lives. And if we _don't_ make it, we know we die here with honor, dignity, and the knowledge that we took each one of these fuckers out with us to spare those past the relay.”

Shouts rang out of support. Grunt punched one fist into his other palm, excited with blood rush. Miranda smiled knowingly at Shepard with friendship and trust, ready to take her last order, and the rest looked to Shepard and the few climbing up onto the platform with her, giving their silent goodbyes in the forms of calm nods, ready smirks, and, of course, challenge.

“Five hundred credits says we kill more than you,” Jack muttered with a sly grin.

Garrus shrugged, assault rifle in his hands. “I'll take that bet.”

Shepard snorted and elbowed him. “Okay, people. Keep in comms with Joker at minimum. EDI, get this platform moving. Good luck.”

“See you on the other side, Shepard,” Miranda called out softly, and Shepard gave her a thumbs up.

She couldn't be more fucking proud of her crazy bunch.

Garrus bumped shoulders with Shepard when she turned to face the unknown. Tali stood close behind, concerned but ready, and Thane was to Shepard's right, big dark eyes watchful and finding only determination in the Commander's face.

They steadied themselves as the platform's interface lit green and it lifted, flying them through a channel in the air. Pistol out, Shepard held it ready, watching as they closed in on an area with other platforms flying their direction to intercept them.

“Tali, drone out. Thane, keep flinging them off if you can early enough. Garrus, keep their attention. I want you all to stay covered as possible and let me be mobile. We're tight on ammo. Use what you tech or biotics you can and don't miss a shot.”

“Will do,” Garrus murmured, squaring his shoulders fiercely.

Their platform docked against another, and Thane flipped forward, sending an arcing wave of blue biotics from his fingers. Two Collector drones were instantly flung far off the platform to the left, and the drell turned his focus to the group moving in on their right. Tali's purple drone flicked into existence and quickly zoned in on another Collector, shocking and distracting it enough for Shepard to light it on fire and shoot. Garrus's concussive rounds knocked a final drone backwards off of the platform, and his follow up shot went home into the bug's chest before it dropped.

One platform after another attached to theirs until it was a series of five. They stayed close together for protection, moving farther ahead onto the newer platforms for better cover. Tali kept to the left, Thane to the right, and Garrus and Shepard held the foreground in the middle so there was no chance of being flanked.

Tali's drone helped a lot once the Collectors kept flying onto platforms and not just driving them their way. Thane's throws took several far enough away from the edge that they couldn't catch themselves to safety with the harsh biotic hits they received. Garrus alternated rapid Overload spreads to mildly shock the Collectors he could, then went for the less armored out of the bunch, reducing the number quickly to focus on the worst left.

And Shepard got personal.

Each time a collector lit up with signs of Harbinger's possession, Shepard burned through their armor, synchronized with Garrus to tear them apart, and used a drain alongside Tali to suck enemy barriers into their shielding. Thane helped hold the field level once they got down to a few heavy hitting Collector guardians, warping each and keeping them vulnerable.

They were careful with their ammo as she'd requested, shooting only to significantly maim, then kill, relying otherwise on Thane's biotics, Tali's tech, or Garrus's concussive rounds. Shepard cloaked and moved to protect Thane when one of Harbinger's puppets drew boldly close and loosed an energy ball directly at the drell. Thane's shielding took heavy damage even with him evading behind the platform's coverage, and Shepard swung her hidden leg over the top of Thane's head into the yellow Collector's chest, knocking it backwards before shooting it right in one of its four globed eyes.

That Collector went down, and another was possessed in seconds to her left, this time going after Tali. Furious, Shepard moved again, cloaking after her tech recharged, watching the Collector destroy Tali's little holo drone with a blast of plasma energy.

Garrus sent two concussive rounds into the Collector's legs, breaking it down to its knees, and Tali's shotgun coincided with Shepard's pistol shot to the back of its head, the combination blasting the bastard apart.

A sixth platform came toward them then carrying two scions and three abominations, and Shepard's eyes bulged. “Thane, take the abominations out!”

“Moving to target!” Thane called, leapt up to the next middle platform, and flung out a large throw field.

The biotic wash of energy clashed over the last platform, smacking into the scions enough to get them moaning their horrible noise. But when it hit the abominations starting to run forward at Shepard and her team, the abominations exploded, as if in a chain reaction, burning and damaging one of the scions badly enough to pop the sac on its back.

“Tali, you and Thane whittle the injured one down! Garrus, we've got the other!”

Thane darted to the quarian's side as Tali's tech immediately shot out, draining some of the wounded scion's power to enhance her for a moment and prepare her drone again. Thane hit it with a loud, tearing biotic warp that Shepard heard more than saw, too focused on incinerating the healthier scion walking slowly towards them and aiming its blasting arm.

Garrus aimed for its intact sac, managing to burst it on his second round of shots from his Mattock. The scion screeched, raised its arm, and the blast came at them quickly in such close range. Both Shepard and Garrus ducked in the middle of their cover, wincing together when their shields absorbed the energy, but thankfully didn't entirely break or need recharged. They could hear the other scion screaming as Thane and Tali got their needed kill.

“When I get ours on fire, you shock it. We'll explode that bastard,” Shepard hissed low, green eyes hot on equally hot turian blues. “Got me?”

“Got you, A.,” Garrus replied without hesitation.

Shepard inhaled, leaned up, and hit the scion with one last heavy incineration. Garrus followed her movement, the overloading tech combining with the fiery power to create a smaller burst of combined energy. Garrus finished the kill with the last of his heat sink, and the four of them took a collective breath as they pushed to their feet.

“Nice work,” Shepard commented, climbing over and up onto the platform the scions had occupied. She sneered and toed one of the stinking bodies. “Guess they'll ride with us.”

Thane bent low and kicked one of the scions off the platform. Shepard thanked him quietly while she double checked her pistol.

Tali snickered over her mic. “Just glad I have filters to breathe with. I can't imagine that burning flesh smell.”

“Trust me, you don't want to,” Garrus chuckled quietly.

Once Shepard knew they were all reloaded and ready weapon-wise, she engaged the platform's console and planted her feet, eyes unblinking as they began to get whisked away to the central chamber.

She didn't know what to expect, but the darkness that covered the last leg of their flying journey gave way to some orangish light, and Shepard's mouth fell open, her jaw dropping like the rest behind her as their platform brought them into view of the big energy signature in the station's core.

It was monstrous, humanly skeletal and gigantic, metallic, hanging in the air with a spine-like tail below it. It had long claws for hands and a hot core in its ribcage. Four large tubes fed into the thing, full of that reddish orange light, and Shepard viewed the perimeter, not shocked to see all the pipes winding from the direction they'd come from verging together into the four glass vials. Metal shielding slid down over the glass, almost unconsciously protective, as if the creature was _aware_ of their presence.

A heavy, nightmarish skull hung forward silently. It appeared _asleep_.

And Shepard felt herself become steel inside in order not to scream with horrified anger, one question that had haunted her for months answered and now spawning a thousand more about the mental fog surrounding the Reapers. “EDI,” she whispered into her audio. “What the _fuck_ is this thing?”

“A...human-Reaper larva, Commander. An attempt at possibly procreation, using human DNA,” EDI responded just as quietly in her line.

Garrus shook his head. “Why humans? Why does it _look_ human?”

“Perhaps it takes the shape of the DNA it has processed, Officer Vakarian. Human DNA is diverse in comparison to other species, and it may have been chosen for that reason first.”

“Or they really, _really_ hate me,” Shepard spat, shaking her head, feeling guilt sizzle in her gut. “At this point how _don't_ they?”

Thane took a step closer to her side, staring at the metallic monster. “Hate isn't something I think a Reaper could feel. Curiosity, however...possibly. Consider, Siha, the impact you made against Sovereign, the impact your species has in what little time it has been known to the rest of us.”

Shepard ground her teeth. “Then they can take their curiosity and shove it. Tens of thousands of people _died_ for this thing. Their deaths _feed_ it. And I am not going to let it grow anymore. EDI, what else have you got for me?”

“The glass around the tubes is weaker. Likely they didn't expect threats to get this far. Breaking the vials will drop the creature, but be careful; it appears there are metal plates that can slide over the glass and render them impenetrable. Hostiles incoming!”

“Thanks! Now look, folks. We've got limited range here, with the best cover in the center. Tali, I want you focused on anything in front of us. Hack weapons if you can, keep that drone active. Garrus, Thane, and I will destroy these tubes as quickly as possible once they re-open, and we'll work to clear the platforms until then.”

“Understood,” Tali murmured and took up position in the center, drone out and floating around. The quarian inhaled loudly, exhaled just as loudly, and pumped her shotgun to calm.

Garrus stood behind cover to Tali's left. Shepard went to the highest platform on the right, keeping her pistol out. Thane knelt at her side with his Viper, still as death while he waited for her command.

More platforms flew in loaded with Collectors. Shepard gestured directions with her hand, and biotics flew from Thane's fist, sweeping a trio of Collectors off the right platform as it connected.

“Garrus, Tali, fight left!” Shepard yelled, burning and shooting Collectors that dodged Thane's throws. She ducked one beam of energy only to slide into the path of another, and Shepard felt her shielding break with the intensity of the plasma's heat. The beam shifted as the Collector adjusted its aim with her dodging more, but it still scored a strike across the armor on her shoulder when she bent lower, scoring a part of it and singing off a tiny piece of her growing hair.

Shepard gasped at the smell, at how close the beam had come to her _face_ , and she waited for her shield to recharge, desperate as Thane stuck to throws to distract the pair focused on their platform. Tali's shotgun was loud to her left, Garrus's rifle singing, too, and each time Shepard could hear that little drone shock the shit out of a Collector, she wanted to smile.

Her shielding recharged, and she moved, cloaking to roll around Thane as he warped down one of the Collectors. She took aim, put two rounds through one Collector's head for good measure, and sent the other to its death with a fiery biotic cross explosion courtesy of Thane's quick timing.

Garrus announced his side clear, and Shepard looked up quickly, watching the shielding retract from the orange vials.

Shepard switched guns on her back and took aim with the heavy plasma gun, eye narrowed up on the glass tubes. “On three, Garrus will break the inner right tube while Thane destroys the far right. Hopefully this laser can break both left. One. Two. Three.”

The count left her lips and the silent chamber suddenly became full of echo; the stream from the plasma weapon was loud in her ears, and it was only reinforced by repetitive sounds of bullets cracking glass. Shepard bit her lip, held her aim steady, and watched the glass cut spiral on the farthest left before _finally_  shattering.

“Yes!” she cried out, relieved. She switched her aim to the other left glass tube, then cursed loudly, hearing Garrus and Thane growling similar words over their comms as the tube's impenetrable shielding covered the nearly busted glass on the right side of the creature.

“Collectors, Shepard!” Tali shouted, and her purple drone was already taking off towards some new platform shadows flying their direction on the sides.

“Keep up the pressure!” Shepard replied, doing just that, setting two Collectors on fire before they could even shoot at her.

It wasn't easy to clear the area again, not with the aggression in the Collectors seeming ramped up a whole hundred notches of desperation to protect the skeleton creature. Thane got a slight nick of a burn to his handsome cheek bone, Tali's drone burst and had to be recreated three times, and Garrus nearly lost his visor and an eye when a Collector flew in on its own unexpectedly behind a platform and took a cheap shot.

The second they got reprieve, Shepard switched back to the plasma gun and got to work on the other tube, relieved to Tuchanka and back to hear glass shattering all over the place as Garrus and Thane broke their tubes, too.

“Back up!” Shepard ordered, retreating slightly as the creature swayed horrifically, as if it were alive.

With the tubes burst apart, the giant wiring began to strain holding the weight of the skeletal monster, and it dropped into the abyss below from where they could see.

“Oh _Keelah_ , it's down,” Tali almost sighed, shoulders slumping in relief.

Shepard didn't like it. She didn't trust it. And she sure as hell thought even with their near serious injuries that it was _still too easy_.

“I don't like this,” Garrus muttered her thoughts aloud for her.

“Me neither,” Shepard admitted, glancing sideways to Thane and finding the assassin nodding, too.

The others kept watch, not lowering their guard while Shepard stalked to the center platform and engaged its control. Squinting, she looked the device over and reached over her shoulder for the bomb that could be triggered to wipe the core and the entire station with it. Garrus handed it to her.

But the sudden pinging at their wrists interrupted her attempt to attach the thing, blow the joint, and hopefully get the hell out first.

Thane accessed his omni-tool, and a projection of the Illusive Man himself appeared from the waist up to stare Shepard down.

“Shepard, wait,” her unwanted benefactor began, cigarette in his fucking hand wherever he was showing up on the fucking holo. “We can use this. We can adjust the bomb to wipe out the organic life on board and save this tech.”

“Why the _fuck_ would I want to save this technology?” Shepard snapped, disgusted to her bones. “Did EDI forward you a _look_ at that creature we just dropped? This whole _place_ is a giant insult to the memory of everyone you purported to want to protect!”

“And _destroying it entirely_ when they have technology like this only wastes any lives and sacrifices already given, Shepard! Think about it! Imagine the edge this could give us _against the Reapers_! It can secure humanity a future _beyond them_.”

Shepard shook, her free hand balled into a fist, her initial mistrust of the businessman blooming into a grotesque rose in her chest. “How long were you waiting for this moment?”

The Illusive Man shook his head. “I had no idea this tech was here, Shepard. I _supported_ full destruction of this base until EDI just streamed this footage through.”

“Yet you _instantly_ are all for using it, even if you have _no idea_ how to do so. Don't you understand what indoctrination does? What it is? What's to say any of this _doesn't_ have that effect, too? It affected your entire crew who went for the IFF! Did you let them aboard that dead Reaper _curious_ to see what might _happen_ to them, Illusive Man?” she asked, each question tearing her throat with venom. “You've proven you're willing to risk and sacrifice anything and anyone for your goals!”

“For _humanity's goals_ , Commander!”

“Let me guess. Humanity _first_ ,” Garrus sniped darkly. “Not like he's hidden _that_ agenda since day one, has he.”

Tali snorted, arms crossed. “No. Cerberus has  _never_  hidden that.”

“As if your people wouldn't do the same given this chance, turian. As if _any alien race_ wouldn't take the edge!” the Illusive Man replied, fist balling in the holo like Shepard's still was, only he raised his in some strange triumph. “Think about this! Shepard, don't lose this opportunity for us. Don't do this.”

“Though I wouldn't want lives wasted for nothing, letting _anything_ from this place survive is an atrocity in and of itself. We have survivors of our own crew who would _want_ it destroyed for the horror they endured! There's nothing saying the Reapers won't use another race, even _you_ , to retake this place with its tech and finish the job the Collectors started.”

“Shepard, I brought you back because I knew you had the drive, the will, and the capability to get to this point. You _know_ sometimes the sacrifice is worth it, even if it wasn't intended in the first place. You _know_ we could save _more_ lives with this!”

Shepard brought her finger up in the holo's small face, undeterred. “Yeah, we could. But I don't know if I trust you _to_ save them if it doesn't benefit _you—_ if it doesn't grant you workers, test subjects, and soldiers. If it doesn't give you _weapons_ you could use on anyone non-human and not just Reaper. Maybe you started out truly gunning for humanity's hope and betterment, but over this entire fucking run you've done nothing but show it's about you now. The fake distress signal, the team on the derelict Reaper, all the spying, the bugs, _all of it_!”

Garrus looked through the holo of the other human with pride, and those turian blues steadied her temper once more. “She's right. I don't trust him, even _if_ he could salvage this shit.”

“It is tainted,” Tali said, sad. “And how could any of it bring anything but more destruction as it was intended to do?”

“Shepard,” the Illusive Man tried once more.

Shepard looked to Thane above the holo. Saw him hold ready to shut off the connection at her slightest indication.

“I'm blowing it,” Shepard declared, eyes back on the holo figure. “Fire me.”

“Fire you? I _made you_ , Shepard! I brought you back to _life_!”

“Big mistake, wasn't it.”

“No, Shepard, even if you ruin this chance for all of humanity, it wasn't,” he retorted, surprising her. “You got to the Collectors. Just _think_ about this. I heard you destroyed that geth base. You could see both sides, yet you knew the rational thing to do. Why can't you do that here?”

“Because _those geth chose_ what side they joined and wished to harm others, and these _humans_ did _not_ choose to be abducted, tortured, liquified or discarded!” Shepard nodded at Thane, and Thane moved his free hand to his wrist. “There is nothing here but death, Illusive Man. Nothing but means for death and control, _not_ help _._ ”

“Shepard! Shepard, wai—”

The holo vanished. Shepard bent again in silence, hating that though the bastard had the slightest point, she could _not_ trust his motives, his _true_ motives. Couldn't trust he wouldn't take what he found here to dominate his own race later. Something about him was so wrong, and it _wasn't_ just his strange augmented eyes that reminded her eerily of Saren.

She applied the bomb, tweaked it with EDI's quiet directions, and put the core drive back down into its slot. “There. Fucking decision made.”

A rumble started below them that shook the walls and the platforms. Shepard knew it wasn't the bomb; it had a timer on it before even beginning to activate to give them time to shoot their way out.

Tali went to her knees, trying to balance herself with the shaking growing more rigorous. Shepard helped her friend back up, holding onto Garrus's hand for her own support.

The rumble turned into odd metallic sounds, almost growling, and then a huge silver hand slammed on top of the farthest platforms.

“Oh _fuck_!” Shepard shouted and shoved Tali and Garrus behind the center cover, yanking her pistol back out and ducking down next to Garrus with Thane on her other side while the fucking Reaper prototype climbed its way back _up_. “Oh, fuck. _Fuck!_ We have to destroy this thing before we all blow up!”

“Can't something just stay _dead_ and not get possessed or claw its way back to attack us for once?” Garrus grunted half-heartedly.

Shepard _readily_ supported her boyfriend's annoyance.

The Reaper screeched at them, pushed itself up with its metal palms, and stared with its energy spinning three eyeballs, two on the left and one on the right. Its mouth glowed, its chest core whirred with power, and it spat energy at them that seared across their cover, nearly killing them all in a single stroke.

Shepard flinched as the platforms vibrated with the Reaper's movements and sounds almost directly above them. “Holy _fuck_ , whatever you people do, stay the fuck down!”

Thane peeked carefully, then bent again, nose almost against the side of Shepard's head to stay in cover. “Siha,” he murmured in her ear, “we must break its weak points. Quickly.”

“You're right. Thane, take the eyes. I will, too. Garrus, Tali, aim for the chest core. Watch that charging blast!”

Tali angled around the taller part of the cover, blasting at the core with her shotgun and unleashing her drone for it to close in and distract the Reaper momentarily. Garrus leaned over the cover next to Shepard and Thane, each focusing tightly on one target, breaking the weak points down as quickly as possible.

Shepard got one of the left eyes blasted out, and the Reaper reared back in mimicked pain, though likely just simple shock. It roared, swiped at them, and slipped down out of sight for a second.

“Garrus! Where is it?”

“Too much movement going on. It's still in front. I don't think it can circle us.”

“Damn it,” Shepard groaned, then aimed with her pistol as she heard the bug sounds closing in to the right. “Collectors are coming.”

“I hope the rest are still alive if we've had this many here,” Tali spoke over the subsequent gunfire directed their way.

Shepard hoped to hell the others were alive, too. She'd shoved the worry down into her stomach to deal with later, and later wasn't going to get a chance to happen if they had a Reaper creation _and_ Collectors _and_ her own fucking timer ticking. Had she followed the Illusive Asshole's plan of action, the pulse would _still_ kill them, too.

“Goddamn it!” she hissed, angry that what had felt like such a chance of success, even with its slimness, was now seeming to slip out of her grasp. “Thane, keep them off. I know you must be exhausted by now, but keep throwing them off. I'll pick them from there. Tali, drone at all times if you can. Garrus, fire and alert us when that fucker comes back!”

“It's still moving around,” he answered, but knocked his shoulder to hers in cover. “We've got this, A. Even if it looks this bad, we've got this.”

“I know,” she breathed, hoping with him, and pulled her plasma weapon out once more, checking her ammunition gauge Jacob had managed to install and tweak. “Half capacity. Shit. Well, no time like the present.”

The beam from her gun collided perfectly with a beam from a Collector across from them, and she held it for two seconds before slightly bumping her aim up and searing the Collector across the head, instantly killing it. Thane swept two more off the platform, but a closer one avoided Garrus and Tali's shots with a quick possession from Harbinger. It took damage from both immediately afterward, but kept moving forward, walking down until it was almost on top of them.

Shepard fired the plasma gun and kept it focused, burning through the taunting possessed Collector before its full attack could be unleashed right on her head.

Platforms shuddered under heavy vibration again, and Garrus cried out, “Left! It's left!”

Shepard looked down the line of cover and saw the Reaper peak with its two good eyes, then climb up, _breaking_ the platform it had initially grabbed onto before moving to attack from the side.

“Tali! Collectors only! The rest of us are going for the weak spots!”

The quarian quickly shifted behind their mutual cover to Thane's right, sent her drone out, and started firing her shotgun between attempted gun overheats on hostiles. Shepard joined Thane on the eyes once more, thrilled when the assassin burst the right eye.

“Its core is holding at half the power it had, babe!” Garrus told her, shooting it with his Mattock.

“Fuck, I hope we can beat the clock. We only had about ten minutes to _begin with_ ,” she responded, plasma beam bursting the final eye with satisfaction.

The Reaper screamed, waved its clawed hands in anger, and charged another energy attack. Shepard heard Tali fire again, reached around Thane and grabbed the quarian, pulling her down lower just before the red blast hit their cover.

Tali shuddered against Shepard and Thane both, and human and drell fingers squeezed the same quarian shoulder together. Garrus was bent tight behind the taller part of their cover, but his blue eyes were staring right into Shepard the way only Garrus could do.

She could see the fear there, the fear that they were about to die together.

She could see the hope there, the hope that they'd kick ass and say _not_ today.

And she could see the love there, the love that he'd carried for so long now reflecting the love she had, too.

Shepard pressured her brow to his chin through the Reaper's attack, then backed away as soon as it stopped, gun back out and aiming on the core with renewed determination.

Tali and Thane cleared the rest of the Collectors for them, that little purple drone a fucking hero all its own, and when the Reaper climbed down again, moving, Shepard checked her ammo capacity again with a tight jaw.

“EDI, how much time do we have?”

“Two minutes, Commander,” came the solemn answer.

Shepard stood up and screamed, “I'M RIGHT HERE. COME ON, YOU UGLY BASTARD, LET'S GO.”

The skeletal Reaper's hand appeared to their right, pushed on the platform occupied prior by all the Collectors, and Shepard didn't wait. She didn't blink. She fired everything left in that plasma gun directly into the Reaper's core, her scream rising with intensity and fury, with the _will_ for this thing to _die_.

The others all fired along side her, and Thane let loose one final heavy warp that burned through the last of the creature's power. The hand it had prepped to swing their way suddenly lost control, swinging instead into Collectors coming from the left, and Shepard wanted to laugh at watching the bugs getting tossed.

With the Reaper's collapse came understanding she hadn't banked on.

It fell forward, slamming into the platforms entirely and breaking them, dragging them downwards. Shepard went rolling straight down, Tali sliding right beside her, both shouting as they tried to grab anything—cover, a piece of broken platform, each other. Thane rolled in her peripheral vision and snagged Tali's ankle. Shepard closed her eyes as the end approached, heart in her throat and Garrus on her mind just like the second she'd been spaced.

But fate was kinder this time.  
  
“NO!” came his voice like a dream. “ATHENA!”

A turian hand yanked on her wrist, snagged her out of her fall, and swung her upward with momentum, pulling until she was on her knees and pushing with her feet. Shepard's green eyes were wide as hell, open with fear and hope and love, and Garrus pulled her as they both scrambled up the broken, falling platform and started running for a connecting one to a path down the side, Tali and Thane already gunning for it.

“Let's go, babe!” Garrus shouted next to her, moving them along. “Move!”

The Reaper screamed one last time as it completely lost any grip on the other side behind them, and a platform flipped behind them, broke apart, and burst its fragments across the space over their heads. Shepard felt Garrus retain an unbreakable hold of her hand even as they both felt the hits to their backs and legs take them down.

Shepard cried out in pain, knowing she'd either completely twisted or broken her fucking knee. She barely kept her consciousness, landing on her stomach and tilting her face to see Garrus bleeding from small wounds to his good cheek. He was breathing heavily with her, staring at her again, and together they pushed to their feet.

Shepard hobbled with him for Thane and Tali, finding their quarian friend trapped under rabble and Thane unconscious nearby. Garrus let go of Shepard only to shove the stone off of Tali. Once Tali was standing, Garrus came to Shepard's side and helped her rouse Thane, both of them pulling him up, too, as he shook off the dizziness.

“Shepard! Shepard, we're coming! We're close! Run!” Joker's voice penetrated the sounds of destruction all around them as the bomb began to set off.

“You heard the man! Go!” Shepard yelled, throat raw, running as fast as possible with pain shooting through her left leg each step down the path after Thane and Tali.

Garrus kept hold of her hand, pulling her along with his longer legs.

And there, as they began to emerge from what appeared to be a side path, was the _Normandy_ , coming fast.

The path behind them was crumbling, the entire station was shaking as it blew apart in pieces, and Shepard kept running, blocking out pain, blocking out plasma beams from Collectors at the rear, blocking out anything but the vision of that ship and the feeling of Garrus's hand around hers, blocking out the sound and the shaking until her entire existence slowed and made milliseconds turn into hours of time.

Thane leaped toward the opening air lock where Joker waited with a rifle to cover their asses. Tali jumped off the path after him, spinning through the air, and the pair of them landed safely, half tumbled into each other. Shepard watched it all happen in the slowest motion possible, and when she hit the same spot, she jumped with everything she had left in her good knee.

Garrus rotated in the air with the angle of his jump, crashing into Tali's legs in the airlock. Shepard was jerked with his momentum, rolled into the airlock, and Joker instantly shut the door.

Thane and Tali were quickly through decontamination and into the ship, Joker right after them hobbling as fast as possible for his chair. Garrus struggled to his feet and helped Shepard to hers again, half lifting her to the cockpit when her left knee gave out. Miranda ran up the CIC, and Shepard's heart unclenched halfway just knowing at least some of the others had to have survived. When her XO could only smile, Shepard _knew_ they'd _all_ made it by some stroke of skill and luck.

Turian arms held her tightly to a turian chest, and Shepard watched EDI's holo-form interacting with Joker as the ship piloted away from the exploding station.

No one spoke as the pilot did what he had to do, as the force of the explosion propelled them even faster, as they gave the engines everything they could, shooting straight through the debris for the relay.

Shepard saw the Omega-4 coming. Saw the spinning reddish orange light. Held onto the turian arms holding her. And closed her eyes with a soft prayer to her father, to Caios, to _Fate_ itself.

The _SR2_ rattled with the pressure of the explosion from the Collector base's destruction, and Shepard wondered if they'd die here, broken in half just before the relay. Everything shook, vibrating harder than the platforms under that proto-Reaper's weight, and Shepard held on tighter, whispering against all the sound and commotion, “I love you, Garrus.”

“I'll always love you, babe,” he whispered back in her ear, mandible trailing across her red hair.

Her eyes clenched as she felt the ship pull.

And then they reopened when Joker shouted in victory, whooping to the point of wheezing as they hit the relay and shot back through to the Sahrabarik cluster—barely holding together, but alive.

Joker slowed the ship, breathing heavily in his seat.

Shepard gripped Garrus's arms tighter, the nerves in her body that had been steeled instantly melting. Garrus kissed her hair over and over and held on, cradling her like she was infinitely precious.

Miranda came to stand before Shepard, looking at Shepard with those captivating blue eyes that she remembered seeing on that table all those months ago, the first thing she'd seen since death itself.

They were warm now. The slightest bit wet. And proud.

“Congratulations, Commander,” Miranda said with a genuine smile and an extended hand of trust and friendship, of admiration and supportive strength. “You _did_ it.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Reminder that this is a single femshep playthrough with its own decisions and characterization. Yours may be different, and that's great. I've done different actions in each playthrough. But this is what's here for this character, yeah? You do you. Athena has her reasons and lessons learned, too, throughout the entire series.]


	64. What Favor May Come (Epilogue)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Old fic from 2014-15.)  
> Mass Effect copyright to Bioware.  
> Thanks for letting us play our own stories in your world.

 

 

 

 

 

A favor, Aria had said months ago. Guaranteed for helping with the Patriarch.

A favor indeed, one Shepard readily cashed the second they got near Omega's orbit with a call from the cockpit. The astounded request for repeated information from Aria's right hand guard had Joker laughing.

“She's _not_ gonna like this,” the batarian grumbled over their connection.

An hour later, docked and moving quick with Aria's influence rounding up engineers, runners, and workers, Shepard waited for the Queen herself to make her dramatic appearance. Which she did, of course, with her unique brand of tight leather flair and fuck-you-attitude.

“Shepard! What the actual _fuck_ did you do?” the dominating, baffled asari demanded in a clipped tone as she strode the docking hall and stared out at the ship's damage. “If you've run from some assholes and brought a war on Omega's doorstep, you can take this favor cash-in and shove it up your ass.”

Shepard stood in civilian clothing, a tight white shirt and some fashionable pants, pistol on her hip, and modified brace on her knee above her combat boots she still wore. She grinned and stuck her thumb at the window behind her. “Nah. No survivors on my tail. Took it through the Omega-4.”

Aria paused, the stamping from her heels quiet for a moment as she gauged Shepard's sincerity. Her dark blue eyes widened, and she stared at the ship again, then shook her head as she drew along Shepard's side. “Whatever. No one's survived that.”

“Well, we did. Blew up the Collector home base, actually.”

“Fuck off,” Aria muttered, smirking with her arms crossing. “There's _footage_ of the Citadel battle, Shepard, and I'll respect that, but don't come onto _my_ Omega with swagger about that stupid relay. Do you know how many idiots I've lost from labor for conspiracies as to shit that lies beyond it? If this gets around, those fuckers will leave in droves again.”

Shepard rolled her eyes and accepted a manifesto for parts and labor from a salarian that had run up to confirm services. “Wouldn't be worth it. I'll have my ship's AI forward footage. It's full of broken ships right at the start, so of _course_ people didn't come back. They crashed first thing and were mowed down by the Collectors if they survived. Their base was the only thing with any worth there, and I blew it up. The relay is a death trap and nothing more.”

Aria frowned speculatively, weighted gaze intense. “You'd _better_ not be fucking with me, Shepard.”

Shepard signed the electronic document and handed it to Aria to co-sign. “I'm not.”

“Good. Not if I'm _paying_ for this shit, which is _beyond_ a favor. You're going to owe _me_ one by the end of it,” Aria warned, throwing the datapad at the salarian runner with a huff once she signed. “And trust me, _Commander_ , I will come calling with it. No moral lectures, no whining. Short change me that day, and you and I are done with you leaving as broken as this damn ship of yours.”

“Yeah, well, I'll accept that trade on good faith and need, considering I just pissed the Illusive Man off so badly he's frozen any deposit assets at the moment. I'll give you what I can spare for some cost differences, but I need to pay crew and feed people first.”

The asari laughed mockingly. “ _Damn._ Aren't you so lucky to have my _kindness_ to shelter you here.”

“I am,” Shepard admitted and sighed tiredly.

Aria rolled her neck and straightened her shoulders some, stance in her heeled boots broad and intimidating at the window as she looked over the proud _Normandy_. “All right, Shepard. Say I believe you actually went through the Omega-4 and back. Even destroyed Collectors. It sounds to me like you've got a crew about to mutiny if they're not getting paid anymore, and I am _not_ having that drama on my station.”

Shepard turned around to face her ship. She ran a hand through her red hair, her shoulder aching in the process. “My XO is dealing with the Illusive Man as we speak. We had...a disagreement, and I pretty much, uh, _blew up_ chances after that. She's gonna attempt to see if he'll pay people through the next month or so, or reassign people staying with Cerberus. I don't care if it cost four billion credits to bring me back and make my ship. I did what I chose to do, accomplished what he originally asked, and I'll be damned if I'll let any backlash fall on my crew. They've suffered enough. We're only investments to him, things to manipulate to ends.”

“Now I know how much your _head_ is worth in the right circles.” Aria's smirk grew as she side-eyed Shepard. “Might tempt some, but I'm not stupid. It took a _ship's_ gun to kill you. So fuck that mess. And stop letting him in your head. That's how assholes like him _win_.”

“Glad to see you value our friendship. Thanks for the advice.”

“Don't get cozy. You and I gotta live in deals, Shepard, unlike some of those people with weird loyalty to you.”

“And here I thought we were doing well,” she teased the asari. “I don't know. They're a wild bunch, but I appreciate them all. Just glad I did have that loyalty in battle. Can't imagine how the mission would have gone without it.”

“So _touching_.”

“Oh, come on. Aren't some of your people that loyal?”

“Even _you_ know loyalty on Omega is a trade of credits for blood, be it honest service, lies to my face, or betrayal later.”

Shepard glanced down the rest of the way to the docking tube to the ship, seeing Jacob and Garrus coordinating with Kasumi, Zaeed, and Thane on some tasks. Garrus looked damn handsome in his beat up armor, standing proud as he helped delegate.

“Hm.” Aria caught Shepard's green eyes hover over Garrus the slightest bit longer than the rest, and Garrus looked up, sensing her doing so. He gave them both a nod, but his gaze roamed Shepard head-to-toe with obvious masculine satisfaction before he looked away. Aria laughed lowly to herself. “You finally _did_ get laid after all. Turian, too. Didn't know humans _would_ fuck birds.”

“Yeah, well, he's my boyfriend.” Shepard snickered, smiling softly. “I'm lucky.”

“Why ruin a good fuck with a relationship? Wait, hold it. Is _that_...?”

“Hey, he's earned those little angel wings. Let him keep them quietly.”

Aria shook her head again with a grunt. She waved one of her hands and turned away, glancing to Shepard one last time. “Can't stand here all day. I've got real shit to do. Keep records of everything. Don't sneak shit onto this that isn't necessary—no upgrades to that fucker that weren't there before. And remember, Shepard. _I have_ a favor now. This is _way_ too much to be even for dealing with the Patriarch or those assholes on the datapad. Assholes, by the way, who are _dead_ now.”

“I understand. Aria, I really appreciate this. Seriously,” Shepard replied, exhaling and holding out her hand. Though everything screamed _fear me_ about Aria, Shepard didn't entirely. She _respected_ her somehow. “Thank you. You have your favor. Just don't make me assassinate some Council member or something. You need to take out an asshole trying to take _you_ out, give me a call.”

“From what I've heard, you'd never have agreed to a favor before your death from someone like _me_. You've changed.”

“My core's the same. My ability to handle bullshit has gotten slightly less pragmatic, and being forced to work for Cerberus and having literal criminals on my team gave me some perspective on people in general. I had mercs on my prior team, too—well, one, a krogan. You learn to adjust. You have the help you can get, and you make it work.”

Aria looked her up and down, snorted, and rolled her eyes. “Fine, Shepard. Just remember what I said earlier. And I _don't_ shake hands. Fucking Alliance types.”

Shepard shrugged and withdrew the offered palm. She was honestly too damn happy to be _alive_ to care about anything else. “I'll be sure you're forwarded everything on the manifest.”

“Yeah. Better not take too long. You stay harbored here, others might get twitchy. Or worse, ideas that _they_ should get such privileged treatment. I don't _do_ favors.”

“I understand. Two weeks is the estimate.”

“Then in two weeks, you get the hell out and make it look like you're runnin' scared. Got it?”

“Got it. Thanks again for everything. Maybe you'll even miss me after this.”

Aria started to walk away and stopped. Shepard chuckled under her breath as the Queen of Omega stormed off, muttering to herself in her steady, dark voice, “That favor had _better_ be worth it in the future for _this_ shit. Miss you? My _ass_.”

 

   
 

\-------------------------------------

 

 

Everyone took time in the medbay with Mordin to treat wounds and check up while Dr. Chakwas got some deserved rest. Most were minor—pulled muscles, rolled ankles, bruises, or superficial cuts. Jack and Grunt had the worst injuries requiring medigel for sutures and burns. Jacob had narrowly avoided a broken arm at one point. And Shepard had almost torn a ligament in her damn knee, resulting in the temporary brace. But the salarian was a hell of a doctor, as good a medical professional as he was a lab researcher, and they were back on their tired, sore feet by docking, trying to break down a list of repairs in order of significance as well as restocking needs with EDI's help.

Even so, he knew she'd barely slept any of the following days with the progress started on repairs. Not many of them had been able to do so, be it emotional fatigue, night terrors, or just the need to be moving to reaffirm their existence.

After day _something_ of recalibrating and working on the main guns, Garrus couldn't take it anymore. Time felt blurry. Not only was he bone tired, but he knew Shepard was running on coffee and stims alone.

“Hey, babe,” he greeted her in the cabin with relief at finding her there.

His girlfriend looked up, exhausted, darkness starting under her eyes as she dealt with more messages for their relieved mothers, promising to arrange video calls for the following day or two when possible.

Garrus watched her rub her face, blink at him, and rub it again. Shepard yawned loudly and stretched in her chair. “Hey.”

“Repairs are starting. They'll be working shifts around the clock to make the deadline. Joker's still overseeing with Miranda and Jacob and EDI on rotations to be sure nothing _stupid_ happens with the contractors working with us,” Garrus informed her, tilting his head with amusement as she yawned again. “You've not slept since we docked, have you?"  
  
“Some.”  
  
“Not around me, you haven't.”

“Hour here and there at my desk, Garrus.”

“ _Babe_.”

“Couldn't, Garrus. Had to make sure shit was underway, just like the rest of you have with me. You haven't slept much, _either_.”

“Well, I'm gonna. Like, _now_. So promise me you'll sleep for a while, too. You're eating, right?”

Shepard nodded, her red hair catching the low lighting. “Karin force feeds me while I work in the mess on a datapad.”

“Thank Spirits for Doc, then,” Garrus murmured and walked over to the bed. Tiredly he started unstrapping his armor, then stripped out of his under suit. He felt stiff with aches from the base attack, and though he'd _made_ time for a shower and clean suit change at some point in the day out of desperation for his own well being, Garrus hadn't let himself rest. Not until, like Shepard, he knew the next steps were still progressing somewhere.

She watched him fall to the bed naked on his stomach until he shifted under the covers to get comfortable.

“How'd it go with Aria?” he asked, voice muffled by the sheets as he closed his eyes. "You never  _did_ get to tell me. We all jumped on repairs just to...not think."

“About as well as it could. Posturing, threats, and how I'd better be ready to repay _her_ a favor.”

“To be _fair_ what we need repaired is extensive armor-wise in spots.”

“Yeah. And who knows how it's going with Miri downstairs. She has _yet_ to leave the conference room today after the Illusive Man decided to bring some cards to the table. Jacob said he could hear her arguing in the armory.”

Garrus winced, lying down on the un-bandaged side of his face. “She may be a lot of things, A., but she _does_ respect you to stand against him like this.”

Shepard winced, too, and leaned farther back in her chair with her arms splayed to the sides. “God, I know. I feel like a jerk, but I just...I couldn't do it, Garrus. I couldn't let him have that place, not when it's fairly easy to guess based off of our own past experiences where that tech would go. Don't know if he even truly _cares_ about those people dying anymore. At first? Maybe. He just got...pushier over time. Perhaps he's really just trying to still be prepared for the Reapers coming possibly, but at what cost? Where's the guarantee Harbinger itself wouldn't have sabotaged any of that tech?”

“Never liked the Illusive Man,” Garrus muttered petulantly. “I give him _one_ good deed for funding Miranda's project to bring you back, but I give _her_ credit for me seeing you again. Miranda and Liara, both.”

“Yeah.”

He glanced over through the separating glass, ignoring the soft bubbling of the fish tanks as he watched Shepard push to her feet and slowly walk down the few steps to the bed. She eased onto it beside him, careful of her healing knee, and collapsed onto her back. Easily he recalled how the injured ship had limped its way to Omega the _same_ way Shepard had limped into the medbay—with pain, with grimace, and with pride of everyone she saw. Even the lecture Mordin had given her about her new temporary brace he'd whipped up hadn't gotten that happy relief out of her eyes.

She looked to him now, happy relief finally overtaken by some pain. “I'm more banged up than when we fought Sovereign.”

Garrus felt a throb go through his sides and back, through his own aggravated injury to his wrist and shoulder from catching Shepard's weight full stop in the Collector base. There had been little time to rest the injury with the constant work. He grunted, exhausted and sore. “Tell me about it. We got lucky that day.”

“Got lucky both days, Garrus.”

Garrus leaned over and kissed hair, cheek, and then her lips when she turned to face him. He kissed her sensually, deeply, with his still shocked relief pushing him for more.

“Mm. You know, I was scared for a moment that day that I'd never get to kiss you again,” Shepard confessed, green eyes beautiful as they took in his image.

His gaze back was tender, shaken and grateful. “This whole thing scared decades off my life, woman. Seeing you almost roll all the way off that platform....”

Garrus didn't have words to describe the fear that had shot through him more painful than any bullet ever could. There was barely any comprehensible thought in that second besides her name and absolute refusal of her death. It shook him even now, sending a light tremble through his body. And honestly, he was terrified to think of how bad something like it could hit him in the future if his hormones were to hit a full bonding stage. They both still feared the Reapers, just like the Illusive Man did, and there was only _so much_ stress he believed they could take before one of them finally broke.

Her voice snapped him out of the concerns. Her words soothed them away.

“You were there, Garrus. You were _there_ ,” Shepard replied and looped her arm about his cowl, kissing him again. “ _Thank_ you.”

“You weren't going over that edge alone, if you were gonna go at all,” he said and nuzzled her warmly. “I told you, A. You die, I die. You live, I live.”

“No Shepard without Vakarian,” Shepard smiled to herself, letting him pull her closer to snuggle with her good leg angled and her foot resting near his bone spur as usual. “Right?”

“Damn right, babe. Long haul. You're stuck with me,” Garrus teased her. One large palm cupped Shepard's cheek as he stared at her, entirely blown away that his life had changed so much.

He wasn't alone anymore, grieving her in self-imposed solitude and wondering what the fuck to do with himself. He wasn't lost and confused or even found and dragged into another insane adventure. He was just here, with _her_ , as he was meant to be.

And damn it, once the repairs were done and the crew's choices were decided, he was going to make sure he stayed exactly in this spot no matter where they'd end up. Maybe they'd find some place on the Citadel. Maybe a _careful_ visit back home to Palaven to see his family soon. Hell, maybe she'd agree to a _long_ vacation for a while and just travel like civilians for a change. But he knew they'd keep preparing, keep aware, and do what they felt was right about the Reapers...even if it meant them both going Spectre as he'd once considered.

Such future thinking easily got him drifting to sleep with their imaginings, and he smiled to himself, a little small smile, as he saw Shepard pass out, that strong indomitable spirit taking a long, well deserved rest.

Neither heard the door hiss open later with a soft speaking EDI discussing something with an even softer voiced Miranda. Neither noticed Lawson walk up to Shepard's desk and leave a datapad of information on it. Neither saw her smile at them nor heard her promise to EDI to protect them how she could, to pay them back for everything they'd done.

And neither were prepared the next morning to read the Illusive Man's surprising final offer, the silver-tongued first of many coming curveballs in Garrus's hopeful plans:

_I would never have expected you to win Lawson's loyalty away from me or Cerberus, Shepard. Almost as impressive a feat as wiping the Collectors from existence. She's made it clear that despite our...differences...there must be some phase of adjustment outside of repossession of Cerberus property and reassignment of crew._

_So here I make you one final deal, Commander._

_Agree to investigate an incident involving a project called Overlord, and I will unfreeze deposits. You've got the most qualifications to handle anything that might come up and the best team should any of them still be available. Do this and your team will be paid, your staff will be negotiated to stay on board if they wish for this assignment instead of immediate relocation, and we will_ discuss _the ship's possession rights once you have successful results._

 _You and I will be_ done _professionally, unless you change your mind, give our philosophy another chance, and seriously consider Cerberus for permanent employ. Don't underestimate my gratitude for killing the Collectors. Don't confuse that with discord over the potential of what we could have retrieved from them. You can still be an asset to us as we can be to you against the Reapers. I hope you see with this upcoming mission, if you accept it, why such advantages are needed and why such risks must be taken for us to win._

 _Never forget that I do what I do for the sake of all humanity, Shepard. I prepare for the worst and make the impossible real to benefit us. But in preparing and investing, sometimes you have to make the sacrifice. Sometimes there is no other choice but the hard one. I may do many things you disagree with, Shepard, but I am a man of my word and principles. Perhaps one day you'll come to understand when even_ you _face these testing truths._

   
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [There we go. Part two is wrapped with the set up for Omega DLC much later. 
> 
> Once again, not all individual missions across the entire game series were written out simply for sanity's sake and not overloading readers. Word count on Vol. Two alone broke 400 pages _single spaced_! Prioritized romance arc, emotional responses to the journeys/trauma, friendships, inside jokes and the like with certain missions obviously mattering most. As such some little side funsies are left out, sometimes as tiny quests, little npcs, etc. Others like Chellick are picked intentionally. Rest assured it doesn't mean I didn't enjoy them. It just meant I had bigger fish to fry writing the playthrough down this way. Got overloaded, myself, just trying to get as much as possible referenced in the first volume and learned it would smother me out to keep doing so through the end. Thanks for understanding.
> 
> All ideas and majority of entire series written from 2014-15 with chapters for spots I'd left open added in 2016-18 randomly as I got to do so.
> 
> Thank you for reading, especially if you've been here since Vol. One. Means more than you might imagine. Hope you stick around for more.
> 
> Prologue of 2.5 posted: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15242907/chapters/35354622#main]

**Author's Note:**

> A huge story more or less following a playthrough of mine with FemShep and Garrus. This will be in three volumes, multichapter inside them, in a series. One for each game, if you will. The first is paced as the game is for the romance arc (so quite the slow burn, but worth it), the second is where things get most naughty, and the third is emotional exhaustion but necessary.  
> (Hint, a lot of this is an older work in my style, not quite polished as my later things.)
> 
> I hope you enjoy. I spent three years on this entire thing. I'm so nice I finished it (at least volume one) before posting.
> 
> P.S.  
> Vol 2.5 covers Shadowbroker, Overlord, and Arrival DLC (as well as Vakarian family bits) before Vol 3.


End file.
